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I cannot tell you how much satisfaction my new job brings me. I feel like I have actual responsibilities with actual challenges being "managed" by an actual manager. It's pretty fun to look forward to work every day for a change. And to only work 8 hours a day. And to ride the Vespa every day since I won't be required on any construction sites. I just couldn't be happier.

It's also freed up my weekends completely for revelry. I always love it when drunken meandering leads you to random fun. Last weekend Daniel and I found ourselves in the back of a horse-drawn carriage, surrounded by xmas lights, drinking red wine. We went all around the neighborhood zig zagging through buildings, even stopping off at a bar to get topped off with some wine to-go. I must admit we were merely along for the ride while our crazy neighbors made it all happen, but still it was good to be out and about every so slightly breaking the law to turn a good time into a great time. I wanted Daniel to take off on the horse bareback through the park after we watched him get unsaddled, but that probably wasn't as good of an idea as I thought it was right at that moment.

I also have signed on with a new personal trainer at the gym. He's this guy we kind of know from the neighborhood who is giving us a really good deal so we're gonna train 2 or 3 times a week depending on how we like it. Gotta get in shape for St. Thomas.

Did you know we are going to St. Thomas in June -- which is going to be amazing. Then it's off to San Diego in August to watch Owen get married. EEEEEEEE!!1! Then in October we're going to Vegas because we have floor seats to Kylie Minogue's first every North American tour. Couldn't be more excited about that. My dad even got us two free hotel rooms in Vegas with his timeshare for me and my friends. Suck on that.

Sorry about the lack of updates. It'll probably stay this way for a while, I'm completely unmotivated to blog. Maybe I should start twittling or whatever.

Today I accepted a job offer. After about 2 years of frustration in my current position, I will be transitioning over to tech support for my company. It's a big move and one I think will result in crazy amounts of job satisfaction. The only downside is that I won't be sitting next to all of my friends, but I'll still be in the same building and we can still go to lunch together, so hopefully that won't be a very big deal. It's been a long time coming and I can't wait to get started. But I don't make the move until May 15.

I don't normally talk about work, but I thought that was at least worthy of a mention. In other news, damn I haven't updated in a while. I'm falling back into that mindset of maybe I should let SideshoViD.com join the annals of history. It doesn't do me any harm to keep it going other than 19 dollars a month, but I just hate stagnant blogs and mine never has been one before. We'll see.

We've had a little bit of fun since the jury duty episode. For one thing, the Allistralian and her then fiance Dom stopped through town. I had them help me hatch an elaborate birthday scheme for Daniel's 25th. A few days prior I had gone and purchased the new Dyson DC25 vacuum as a present, but rather than just giving it to Daniel, I concocted a script with Dom. He came over on a Saturday because Allison was busy at a wedding shower or something. And he brought with him a birthday potted plant. I think it went over so well just because he's British and when he says, "Everyone needs a pot plant," Daniel just took it as normal. Then he said, "But don't water it because it's already been watered." I had asked him to throw that in there because the plan was to knock the dirt on the ground and I really didn't want it to be mud.

So we were spending the day in and out of the apartment by the pool. And when we got back before Daniel, Dom spooned some of the dirt onto the carpet and then exclaimed, "Oh shit Daniel sorry," right as he was coming back in. And just as planned, he ran to get the vacuum. Only our vacuum was gone and replaced with the Dyson. It was pretty classic. He seems to really like his birthday present. Derrr. Wouldn't you? On a sadder note, Allison and Dom have decided to go their separate ways starting right meow. You can read about that on their travel blog whileyouwereworking.com.

Not much else to report at this time. If I think of something, I'm going to try to update a little more going forward. Later, skillets.

I haven't blogged in quite some time. And I rarely if ever talk about my job on my blog, but I can't really explain my recent absence without it, so I'm breaking all the rules. I've been assigned to a project that has sucked the joy from my life. If there is something I enjoy doing -- being with Daniel, watching TV, riding my Vespa -- I no longer have time for it. I've been waking up around 5:30am every day, going to a construction site, working 10-12 hours, coming home, and programming or making changes until midnight... only to wake up the next morning and do it again. And this is Monday through Saturday with no end in sight. I've really been on the verge of just not showing up ever again, but so far have persevered.

But today, a ray of sunshine broke through the clouds. I got summoned for jury duty!

I've been summoned several times in the past, but it was always in Collin County. And I haven't lived in Collin County for quite some time. So all I had to do was go to their website, check the box that said I didn't live there, and submit, and I was exempt. But I think voting may have set their records straight so today I got it for Dallas County. So its the first time that I actually have to go. Normally, I'd be dodging it like everyone else, but with my job sucking as bad as it is right now, I'm seriously excited. And with only an up-side to being selected, I will be doing whatever it takes to get on that jury. I will say whatever they want to hear. They're going to have to DRAG me from that courtroom if they don't choose me.

Really when you think about it, it is kind of cool to be on a jury. Like watching an episode of SVU and deciding the outcome. Most people just avoid it because its a total pain in the ass. But if you've got nowhere better to go, might as well, sit back, relax, and enjoy the drama. It's not until April 6th, so I've just got to last until then. But I'll be sure to let you all know how my selection process goes.

Ever since I started back at work, it has quite literally been kicking my ass. Well, not literally. I hate it when people emphasize LITERALLY when they clearly mean figuratively ... like I just did. But it has literally been exhausting me mentally and physically. Instead of accomplishing anything while I was in Sydney for 2 weeks, they expended more energy on shifting around schedules to buy more time. So now I have just as much to do, only it's all 2 weeks behind schedule and stacked on top of each other. Pretty bullshit. It's Saturday morning now and I'm about to head out to a construction site. My feet hurt so bad from the boots I had to buy. And my right knee gave out yesterday and can no longer really support my body weight. There's a reason I'm good with computers and not football. I'm not cut out for this.

Luckily, I've figured out what I want to do with my life. I was watching Modern Marvels, as I so often do, and the subject was bread. And they talked about the best thing since sliced bread, etc. But at the end, they talked about the rise of the artisan bread makers. It's basically like owning your own brewery, crafting your own local varieties and stuff. But I just think it would be so awesome to open up an artisan bread making company here in Addison! Circle. That way it would always smell good like bread, and hopefully people would stop buying loafs of commercially produced bread and just drop by the neighborhood bakery every day for something fresh and delicious. I just need some start up capital, because I already have everything else planned out, including the name. I call my bakery "Yeast Infection."

I'm here all week.

I am home again. After another full day of travel I finally landed back in Dallas a whole 3 hours earlier than I was supposed to. As was the theme of the traveling this time, my original flight home was canceled by the time I was ready to get on it. I got to see Daniel and I gave him his new pants (underwear) and lounge pants (pajama pants) from Peter Alexander, a poncy (fancy) little underwear shop in downtown Sydney. He looks awful smart in them. And my brother was in town for his last day of a business conference, so he took me to Kenny's! What a welcome home!

During my last week in Sydney, Al and I had some fun adventures. First we both went to get our hair did. I love the chick that cut my hair. She went to town on it. Allison called it classic Aussie metro. Then she got her hair dyed back to her natural color and got a real sassy short do. She's traveling for the next 13 months through lots of countries that don't appreciate blondes to any degree, so this haircut should last her through it. After we got all dolled up, we went to Al's leaving do (party) at the Fire House Hotel (pub (bar)) in North Sydney. She has lots of wonderful friends. But it was weird how they want back and forth and around the table and every single one of them was like "Well, it's just like when I lived in the UK for 6 months prior to my year of traveling around southeast Asia." And another would chime in, "Oh yeah, when I lived in the Carribean, I spent a year touring before I got my residency in Australia." And I'm just like who are you transient people? All of them have been all over the world, lived all over the world, and I'm just like Addison! rules!

But it was a really fun party. Two of the girls were especially fun and they called Daniel early in the morning while he was at work and tried to convince him they were Kylie and Danni Minogue. Even tho the accents were pretty authentic, he didn't fall for it. Shucks.

My last day there we took a guided tour of the Hunter Valley (the Aussie Napa Valley). We went to like 5 or 6 different cellar doors and drank some very good wine. I ended up buying 4 bottles, I think, but we drank some before I left. I brought home 3 bottles and some aged goat cheese from some Hunter Valley goats. So ridiculously good. And the Shiraz is just ... huge. I can't even explain it. That was major fun. So we did that, picked up Noodle Star take away (to go) and ate it with the shiraz. And then the next day I left.

So here I am. I do not work until next Tuesday, nor do I intend to check my work email or answer my work phone until then. So if anybody wants to hang out and tan or something, let me know. It's summer again for me and I intend to take advantage this week. Laaaaaaaaate.

I just got back from a week in San Antonio. I was there to take a training class for work. It was from 8-5 every day in the hotel I was staying at next to the airport. Needless to say I was bored out of my gourd. I took this picture as I was checking out of my hotel room because I thought it rather succinctly summed up my entire trip. People in my training course were kind of laughing at me because I was eating each night at places like Papadeaux's and Applebee's. They thought I should get out and experience the local fare. But I was just like, c'mon, I'm from Dallas. It's not like San Antonio is a foreign country. If I managed to find something uniquely San Antonio it would just be a hole-in-the-wall Mexican place with meat, cheese, and tortillas combined in a variety of ways. So I opted to eat at places I liked, albethem chain restaurants, because it was free. And that made it special.

So I made it through the week with little incident. Last night Daniel and I went with JennyC■■■ to see the new Sex and the City movie. It was fantastic. If you haven't seen it yet, you definitely should. We went to the Studio Movie Grill to watch it so we could get loaded at the same time. But ultimately, the same thing happened to me that always happens there. I end up having to pee so bad by the time the movie's over that I have a hard time sitting still. But I made it through. There was one thing about the movie that pissed me off. And it's not a spoiler, but if you don't want to know anything about the movie don't read this next part. So Charlotte adopted that little Chinese girl, right? And what did she name her? Lily. How many times have I said that I'm adopting a little Asian girl and naming her Lily because I want violin music while I eat? But I also always said that if I had another little girl, I would name her Rose. Not so much because of the obvious floral reference, but because I like the really old-timey names. Okay, so Charlotte has a baby and they name it Rose. So now if I ever by some fluke of nature have two daughters, and name them Lily and Rose, people will be like, oh yeah from Sex and the City. And that will piss me off. So I'm having my tubes tied.

In other news, the Allistralian came back to the states for a visit. She is leaving Australia soon and convinced me that it's now or never if I want to go visit her. So Daniel and I are going to Australia. For REAL this time. No joke. It'll probably be somewhere in the August range. It's gonna be a pretty baller ass vacation, but that's okay because those are the kinds of vacations we need to be taking. I'll keep you all posted on details of that. If anyone would like to go with, the more people we have the easier that 12 hour flight will be. Lemme know. Peace out.

Old men confuse me. Maybe there's a magic age at which everything they do starts to make sense and I just haven't reached it yet. Perhaps on my 30th birthday everything will become clear. One thing that has always confused me is how old men insist on being naked in the locker room at the gym. Don't get me wrong; I'm no prude. I strip down to go into the sauna. The key difference is that almost immediately after disrobing, I wrap a towel around my waist to spare people the blinding reflection off my ass. Old men strip down, weigh themselves, wash their face, look in the mirror, talk to other old men, and then and only then do they throw a towel over their shoulder and flop over to the steam room. I don't get it. What's the fascination with being naked? Have their wives banned the practice at home for so many years that the only way to get the liberating sensation of free balling around a room is in a men-only environment? Do I have any old man readers that can explain this? Do I have any young readers that get a thrill from streaking?

I had to add another confusing trait to my quandary today at work. We have several old men there and they all share a perplexing act in another all-male venue -- the bathroom. They pee without using their hands. I've seen them put both hands up on the wall in front of them. Hands on the hips is also a very popular tactic. Today topped it all though. The new old guy was peeing with both hands in his pockets. How is this even possible? Do they just not care anymore if their stream wanders off onto the floor? Is there some sort of rigor that sets in after 40 that allows for steady hands-free aiming? It's so bizarre. Please, somebody, help me understand. Do I need to start practicing now for old age?

Last night I went to a work party. After eating some dinner and socializing for a few minutes, it was right up stairs to play Wii. I think the Wii will probably affect adult parties more than childrens. Bowling and tennis are just too much damn fun. I'm kind of surprised my Wii arm isn't sore. Good thing because that also happens to be my slots arm. I'm leaving for Vegas in a few hours, and I'm not going to lie to you. I'm feeling awfully slotty.

Real quick, though, I gotta tell you what's even better than the Wii. Rock Band. I think it's only out on the XBox 360, or at least it's not out on the Wii. I went to a Rock Band birthday party and we played all night. It is so much fun. There are vocals, guitar, bass guitar, and drums. And the drums are like a massive controller. And then it's just like Guitar Hero where you follow the little colored bars on the screen. Except the vocals, all you have to do with that is stay on pitch at the right time. I feel like such a loser because I've never liked video games before, save Tony Hawk, but now I find myself getting obsessed. Not obsessed enough to buy my own, that costs money, but totally into it, for sure.

Last bit of news, have you all heard that American Gladiators is coming back?! It's hosted by Hulk Hogan and Muhammad Ali's daughter. I think her name is Tatiana. You can go look at all the new gladiators if you google their website. My brother, Stephen, sent me the link and said his favorite one is Fury and I found myself agreeing. You just can't beat a pony tail coming straight up out of a grown woman's head. I was frankly a bit surprised that Wesley "Two Scoops" Barry didn't come back as a gladiator. Anyway, I decided that when I'm a gladiator my name will be Maui, an hommage to Malibu, the greatest gladiator of all time. Stephen said his name would be Laser Beam because he wouldn't be comfortable leaving it at just Laser. So your homework assignment is to leave a comment with your American Gladiator name and why.

If I don't win millions, I'll be back on Wednesday. Peace.

This week I went to Seattle for the umpteenth time. Only this time was different. It was just a day trip. A 4 hour flight there and back is a little bit long for a day trip so I flew up Sunday afternoon and back Tuesday morning. It was such a beating. I worked 13 hours on Monday punctuated by a delightful variety of alcoholic beverages. If you ever find yourself in Seattle, I suggest the Pike Place Brewery (not exactly a well kept local secret) and Broadway Grill. Mmmm. Have the Broadway put some raspberry puree in your mojito. You won't be sorry.

I was nervous going up there because I've engaged in a lot of bravado lately about how I'm the best programmer in the world and the guy who originally programmed everything is incompetent and everyone who has tried to fix it in the past has been so dispassionate that it's no surprise nothing is working. So I told them I needed to start from a clean slate and reprogram the entire thing from scratch. Not exactly what you want to hear in an already-behind-schedule project. But surprisingly they agreed. So the pressure was on. As late as Wednesday the week before I was freaking out because I had nothing to show for my efforts but a handful of failed attempts. But I showed up with a completed program and at 5am Monday morning we downloaded and started testing it. No big deal, just billions of dollars on the line.

Do I even have to tell you that it worked perfectly? This is not going to be good for my ego. But, it will be good for my resume.

Have you seen my apartment yet? It you haven't you need to swing by. We'd love to have you. I'm taking today off on comp time for traveling Sunday so that spells out a 4 day weekend for yours truly. Party every night. And on that note, I think I'm gonna start drinking... a soy latte. Laaaaaaaate.

We did it. We moved. It only took about 12 grueling hours to finish. I can only imagine how long it would have taken were it not for the help of my father and our dear friend, DJ iMernex. I have been working long hours at work and I'm getting ready to go back to Seattle on Sunday (for one day) so I've been very little help in putting anything away. Plus, you all know me. I'd keep shit in boxes indefinitely if it were up to me. But not Daniel. Boy howdy, everything is done. It looks amazing. This place is so fucking huge it's ridonkulous.

I'll be gone Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and then after that I should be home for a while. I say this because everyone I like needs to drop by as soon as you can to see the pad. I can't wait for Kaboom Town this year. I think we're gonna do a Kaboom Town/My Birthday/Housewarming Party thing. Whatever will we call it? Kaboothdarming? I am pretty sure that's a city in Iraq. Anyway, come up with some ideas and I'll pick the second best one.

The only downside to living here (and I'm not sure it's even a downside) is that there's ample parking on the streets over here. Whereas before I was usually forced to park in the garage, here I can always find a spot right by my door. Which means that birds poop all over my car every day. And it's an unbearable amount. So tonight I begin Operation Shine Lasers Under Trees. Every night around dusk, I am going to walk underneath every tree on the street and put a laser in the eye of every bird settling down for the night. After a few nights, they should be discouraged from ever staying there again. And I'll just keep on until my car is always clean. If it doesn't work, I'll just get a BB gun.

And that concludes my post. Having Daniel's computer here all set up is really nice and will hopefully equate to more frequent blogs. So don't delete me from your favorites list just yet. There's plenty more where this came from.

You know how sometimes I give there really great suggestions for how to improve your life? And usually they involve something you should be buying if you aren't already? Well, I've got another one for you.

It has recently come to my attention that many of you have never eaten a mango. And I'm here to tell you that a fresh mango is the most delicious thing you can possibly put in your mouth. It is by far my favorite fruit. I'm in Houston right now at my brother Stephen's house and I bought a couple mangos for us to enjoy. g*d diddly damn they are good. Anyway, here's a picture in case you aren't familiar with what a mango even looks like. Go buy one and cut it up and eat it. Just watch out for the massive lima bean that you will find inside. I don't think you can eat those.

So I came to Houston on Wednesday for work and then decided to stay and visit my brother and his family. It's been really fun. I worked from his house Thursday and Friday. If you consider bike rides to the park work. Hanging out with Kaylyn and Will has been pretty fun. Plus, it makes you really thankful for all the things you don't have in your life. Namely children. I kind of feel about children like I do about dogs. I like them, but I like them better when they belong to someone else and you can just come over occasionally and play with them, but then get rid of them when they poop.

I'm going home tomorrow. This was a nice little visit. I needed a change, my job has fallen into a bit of a rut again. I don't see anything exciting coming on the horizon, so I'm just going to have to rededicate myself to my new attitude towards work. I think if I got back into yoga, I would feel better all around, so I'm going to look into that when i get home.

Whelp, everyone else in this house is asleep, so I guess I'm going to do the same until the early morning shit fits begin. Ciao.

Well hello there, have-nots. Welcome to the year 2007. I hope this year has found you all in good spirits and continues to do so for the next twelve months. I have had a pretty good year thus far. In the past, my new year's resolution every year was "to be more open and honest with my opinion." I feel like I might have achieved it every year also. So this time, I came up with a new one. I've decided to stop complaining about my job.

It's true what they say about your attitude being about 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. Why should I continue pretending to be surprised by the bull shit I go through? Why not just prepare for it, deal with it, and have a good time doing it? Well, that's just what I'm doing. So far it is working out brilliantly. Like the other day when I found out my trip to Seattle had been moved up one week without anyone telling me or asking me, I just decided it was okay. And then it wasn't a big deal. Sure, it should have pissed me off, but I didn't let it. So on Monday morning I am flying back to Seattle once again. Yippee skippy.

In other news, Salmie passed away last night. Please don't buy me another fish. I'm going to take a break from pet ownership for a while. He was a good fish, and he will be remembered and mourned.

Febrehabruariii is right around the corner. Are you as excited as I am about that? I've done some serious thinking and I've come to a decision about this year. I am going to give up smoking and drinking, of course. But I'm also giving up meat. Yes, folks, you heard me right. And not just meat, but all animal products. Sidesho is going vegan. I don't think the actual practicality of it will be all that difficult. I normally eat an apple at 8, oatmeal at 10, Subway at noon, snack bar at 3, peanut butter sandwich at 5, protein shake after a workout, and then a chicken breast for dinner. So okay, I'll have a veggie sub instead at lunch and then for dinner I'll experiment with soy beans and tofu and the like. I think it'll all but guarantee that I match my first year's weight loss of 11 lbs... believe me, I have it to lose this year! I just pray I don't have to travel during Febrehabruariii.

Daniel just called me. He was throwing up early this morning and went home to sleep. Now he needs a thermometer to see if he's really sick or just feeling icky. So I gotta run to Walgreens. I might pick up some tomato cocktail. It's a little more expensive but thats okay. I don't mind. I try to support my local businesses.

Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate.

If you haven't ever seen Dave Chapelle's Block Party, I suggest you go rent it immediately and bask in it. Just bask. I rented it last night when Blockbuster didn't have Strangers with Candy (so lame). So now I'm sitting home alone with a bottle of Patrón chilling in the freezer thoroughly enjoying myself. I got dressed up for no reason, fried some dinner in butter and life is good.

I remember the first time I saw Block Party. It was when the ever lovely Miss Lesbie Ann B■■■■■ was in my hizzell and we wanted a drizzell in the mornizzle, like you do. After drinking breakfast at the Gecko we went to Studio Movie Grill and laughed our asses off at this movie in between martinays. Loves it.

On Monday I have to get up at 4am. I have a 6am flight to Manassas, VA. Well, there's no airport in Manassas, obviously, but it is right near Washingtown, DC. I have to be there for a week with work. I would be lying if I didn't say I was looking forward to it. I've gotten in a rut lately, if you haven't noticed. I hardly ever leave my apartment. I never go anywhere or do anything. That is one downfall to dating. You just get comfortable and stop trying to look around for fun things to do. So now I'm going to Manassas. If I weren't dating Daniel then I'd say I looked forward to getting some asses in Manassas, but it's just a tag line now.

I got my sister's name in our annual xmas gift exchange. She's a 30-something news anchor, soon-to-be-mother of two with a brand new house. Give me gift ideas. I am not having any ideas pop into my head.

Like I said, not too many hilarious stories to tell from the couch unless you want me to recount my favorite episodes of Family Guy.... No? Then FUCK YOU. I'm out. Peace.

Just a little note to let you all know that my brother in Houston, Stephen and his wife Rachel just gave birth to their second child today. His name is Will and he is perfectly healthy and happy. I haven't gotten to see a picture of him yet because my brother is up at the hospital but that should be coming shortly. I'll update when I get that.

I would go down to Houston this weekend to see Will and help out with Kaylyn, but I seem to have contracted the streptococcus bacteria. I'm not positive that I have it, but everyone at work is sick right now. Some douchebag, knowing he had strep throat, came to work anyway so he wouldn't have to use his sick days, and now I think we all have it. My throat is killing me. Fucking douche. People, if you get a highly communicable disease, just work from home. Derrrr.

My first nephew. I'm so excited.

I finally did it. I've waited for 2 full years and the other day, I just decided to do it. I'm speaking, of course, about curtains for my bedroom. I was really daunted by the task of keeping my vertical blinds up. I could take them down, but then I'd have to store them and I have nowhere to store them. And to cover them means curtain rod extenders and screwing into studs, and I know nothing about any of that. So I came up with an idea. Instead of big beautiful curtains, I got blackout fabric. It's thin, it's light, and it blocks 100% of the light. I measured each window, cut out a piece of fabric that fit it perfectly, folded the top over, put a few grommets in it and hung it on nails. I can take them down, put them up, fold them in half to get some heat in the winter -- you name it. From the outside it looks all white, just like the vertical blinds, and from the inside, all you see is the vertical blinds, just like the vertical blinds. I couldn't be happier with myself. I have had a string of successful projects. I hope it doesn't end. I can't wait to be hungover this weekend and spend allllll fucking day in bed.

Speaking of bed ... my sleeping is much better. I have been on time to work 3 of the 4 days this week. That's unheard of. I even started showering in the morning instead of at night because I have so much extra time. I was pretty ecstatic. That, sadly and predictably, has faded. I could feel myself building up a sleep debt as each day went by and this morning I finally had to pay it back. I was one hour late to work. Today, coincidentally, was also the day I got the results of my take-home sleep test. I no longer stop breathing 70-90 times an hour. Now it's 22. 22 is the magick number. The lady from the doctor's office asked me how I'd been feeling and I said, "Much better, but not great." And she said, "Oh, how funny. I was just about to say your test results look much better, but not great." At least I'm no longer severe and am now considered moderate. It's looking like the tonsil are going to come out. I'm shying away from it, but I know that I'll eventually do it. I'll keep you all posted.

I bought a pumpkin today. It was an impulse buy. All I wanted were the seeds. I tossed them with butter and salt and roasted them in the oven. They're delicious. My culinary skill grows little by little every day. I can add that to the list with roasted chicken and blueberry pancakes. Rawk.

Have you ever heard of the mosquito frequency? It's this thing that businesses are using to cut down on teenagers loitering outside. It emits a sound at around 17kHz. Apparently teenagers can hear it and it annoys the fuck out of them, but adults cannot hear it. Trey told me about it at work today so we googled it. I found an MP3 of the sound and hit play. It was maddening. Trey accused me of not really hitting play. He couldn't fuckin' hear it! It didn't take long for everyone 25 and under in my immediate area to come over and ask what the hell the sound was. Then Trey believed me it was real. Which is funny because I'm the one that didn't believe him it existed. We gathered up all the old people around us and not one of them could hear it. One guy put it as his ring tone on his cell phone. Apparently teenagers are also using it to their advantage to allow their cell phones to ring during class without the teacher hearing it. I thought it was fascinating enough to share it with you all. CLICK HERE to listen to the most annoying sound in the world. And tell me if you can hear it.

Methinks it's time for me to go to bed. Gotta stick with the sleep rules now that they're slightly effective. Night, sluts.

Because you're all dying to know how I feel about the capital of the great Republic of Texas. At first I really liked it. I mean, it's not like I've never been here before, but this is my first experience with pseudo-living here. The first thing I noticed were the bumper stickers. Lots of 'W's with slashes through them, and you allllllll know Sidesho doesn't do 'W'. Then I went to Whole Foods and it was just full of granola. People, I mean. Granola people. Awesome.

I've even considered moving here... but that wouldn't be a decision to make lightly.

After a few days though, I'm starting to lose some of my love for the city. The traffic! Good lord, people, GET JOBS! I swear, everyone's out parking on the highways all day long. And it's bad enough that it takes forever to get anywhere, but I get lost every fucking time I go outside. Hey, Austin, pick a name for a road and stick with it. When I left my hotel on Loop 360 N/Capital of TX Highway tonight to go down Loop 1/FM 1325/Mopac Blvd to pick up Brandon, I missed the exit I was supposed to take because I thought it was 1st St., but it was also 5th St. which you can call Townelake Blvd, but the sign will say Cezar Chavez, so good fuckin' luck. I also went the wrong way on the way home from 183/Research ... g*d damnit. I mean I know roads in Dallas sometimes have a number and a name 75/Central, but it is NOT this ridonkulous.

Work has been pretty laid back -- exactly the break I needed. I have some serious decisions to make soon about how I'm going to achieve nirvana because I'm most definitely not on the correct path, but we'll see if I actually grow the balls to do it or not. Til then, Laaaaaaaaaaaaate.

I wanted to make sure I informed everybody that I will be in Austin from March 20th to the 28th. I'm supposed to drive down tomorrow morning, but my plan was to drive down tonight instead. I could stay at Lesbie's tonight and then go to work really late in the morning (under the guise that I'd just driven into town). The weather is really suckin' ass, though, so I might actually wait until the morning.

I always make a little extra cash when I travel -- especially when I drive -- so I decided to go on a little shopping spree. I got some new jeans, a new shirt, and a new pair of these sweet pink and brown plaid pants. I just wish I had purchased a shirt I could wear with them as well. I'm not sure when I'll get to debut them, but I might take them to Austin with me since I'm sure I'll be hitting up the Barton Creek mall a few times. I'm also going to take my sewing machine with me and work on my shirt because I imagine I'll have some free time. Maybe I should make myself a shirt to match my pants. I just really want a hat like Santino. If anyone knows where I can get one, please let me know or buy it for me.

I also feel like I should apologize for never updating anymore. It's not that I don't love you, and I assure you, my webpage is not going the way of the burns.tks of the world. I've just had someone better to do lately, and it's hard to pull away to update the ol' webpage. I should be updating more over the next 10 days to keep you informed of the hilarity of my Austin Adventure. Until then, take care of yourselves ... and each other. Huzzah!

It's great to be back. I gotta tell you. Boy, I missed beer. And liquor. Liquor? I hardly even know her. My glorious return to drinking was shared with a couple of birthdays. First, to the Allistralian. She flew halfway around the world and I had to fuckin miss her bbq. I was stuck in Funkytown until like 7:30pm for work, and then by the time I arrived back at the office, I already had some friends from out of town waiting for me. So my apologies, but I do hope you had the best birthday ever.

Next, was Miss Lesbie Ann. She drove up from Austin to celebrate turning into 27. Oh wait, I mean, turning 27, my mistake. She had been to Dallas plenty of times, but she had never been to Addison! I assumed I would have to show her all that Addison! had to offer, but instead, she showed me ....

Friday night we sat around drinkin beers like I do most weekends. I wanted her to meet everyone and see how we do. Saturday morning we woke up and went to Cafe Gecko for Bloody Marys and breakfast (since when are those different things). From there, we went and bought tickets for Dave Chappelle's Block Party. Really, we just wanted to drink more and figured a movie without a solid plot might allow for breaks to the bathroom. A few margaritas and martinis later we retired for a respite in my apartment until it was time for our appointments at the spa. Unfortunately, they couldn't find anyone to massage me on such short notice, but Lester did have a diamond scrub facial with allllll the trimmings. I met her at Zen Bar to celebrate and we threw back a few brewskis, brah. Then we met up with Daniel to go to Shuck and Jive where we ate more oysters than you would normally assume three people would eat and drank a lot more brews, dude. Our plans to get fancied up and go south of 635 were interrupted by our inability to drive. So we wrapped up the evening drinking at Daniel's until we both passed out. What a fabulous weekend. Thank you so much to my host, Leslie!

Last bit of business. Who watched Project Runway? Who else is incensed at the finale? Chloe?!?! Give me a fucking break. Her collection was a bunch of shiny GEM monstrocities. I thought they were going to tear her a new one. I was a Dan Fan through the whole season but had just recently switched to voting for Santino. I wasn't blown away by any one collection, but I thought that Santino would win. Daniel's was too plain Jane store shelf looking. I don't wanna look at anything too conceptual but I also don't want to look at something I probably could have thought of. Blech, what a disappointment. I can't wait until Jay McCarroll's line comes out. I'm gonna wear the shit out of it.

This weekend. Out of town. Niece's 1st birthday in OKC. Can't wait. See you all when I get back.

In a twist of irony, I will be in Sin City next week Tuesday through Friday. I will be working in a hotel right near The Strip. It just sucks that this had to happen during Febrehabruarii. I have decided that there is a Vegas caveat in the rule book. If at any time during February I am sent to Vegas for a week for free, I will allow myself 300 dollars to try and win enough money to quit my job. Still, though, no smoking and no drinking. The office in Vegas had offered to take me out and show me a good time and have me stay through the weekend on their dime. I had to decline the majority of that. I'll be home on Friday. Plus, Allison will be here. To add to suckiness, she'll have left Vegas the day before I arrive. Oh fate, why must you mock me!

In other news, everything else has been going well. I think a lot of weak people are mad at me, but there's very little I can do about that. So we trudge on. I'm really starting to look forward to March 1st, even though I think I won't break the rehabruarii until March 3rd because I'm running some training courses the 1st and 2nd and don't really need to be hungover for that. Start brainstorming what we're going to do that weekend to celebrate. I want it to be something fun. Laaaaaaaate.

Well, hello there. Haven't seen you in a while. How are you? Keepin' busy? Good, good. Well, hey, I'm gonna go grab a beer but it was great to see you. Mmm hmm, talk to you later.

I just figured since I'm coming off of my longest blog hiatus (maybe) ever that I'd give you all the see-an-acquaintance-in-a-bar routine. If I've ever said that to you, it probably means I hate you. Where have I been since last we met? My new bed is just smashing. Quite possibly the best purchase I have ever made. I got some chocolate brown Da Mask stripe sheets for it. I called my mother and asked her how much I am supposed to spend on sheets. She told me to spend around 50 dollars but to make sure it was 200 thread count. So I found some for a 100 dollars that were 400 thread count. That's kind of how I gauge my spending -- mother X 2.

Did you know you can spell 'gauge' as 'gage' and it means the same thing? Chevrolet does.

I took another sleep study. This time I had to take 5 naps periodically throughout the day from 8am to 6pm. It was pretty damn boring in between. I think the idea behind the naps was that eventually, I would cease to be tired and start having more and more trouble falling asleep. Not this guy. All 5 times, as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light. That's a little bit troubling to me, since I'm assuming it's not normal to be that tired consistently throughout the day, which would make me think I was narcoleptic. I probably shouldn't draw my own conclusions though. I go to the follow up on Tuesday where they tell me what they've found.

I got a new boss at work. We're already butting heads over dress codes and stuff. Mainly the fact that he specifically told me to wear slacks when I was interviewing people but I went ahead and made the executive decision that jeans would be just fine. It really wasn't a point I was willing to negotiate on, so hopefully he didn't find that too terribly disrespectful ... two days in a row. Whateva, whateva, I do what I want!

But life just keeps on truckin' along. I got a hair cut that looks fantastic. I hit a new low weight and a new high body image. I spend entirely too much time on the stoop, but love ever minute of it. Oh, and I decided to quit my job, but that will probably not be for several months while I cook up my new career. It's gonna be a doozy. But I'll have to tell you about that later. Peace.

Today was the best trip of my vacation thus far, and it has nothing to do with the fact that it's my last day in New Jersey. We had to do a lot of work in a high school that involved going into classrooms. Since we couldn't do the work while class was in session, we planned on working from 2-11 today. My coworker, insistent that I not leave New Jersey without having at least a little bit of fun, decided to include me on his trip to the beach in Seaside Heights.

It was too much fun. It looks like a Coney Island or something. There's a boardwalk with shops and restaurants and bars and arcades all up and down the beach. It was absolutely dead since it was a Thursday morning and it's after Labor Day, but it was still fun. I want to come back here on vacation some summer to see it rawkin'. The beach was really nice. It was 80 degrees and sunny and just a gorgeous day to spend sunning. We even went down into the water and body surfed on these enormous waves. I got my ass so kicked. I was riding some waves that were way too big to be riding. I drank enough sea water to last me for the rest of my life.

I rode this one particular wave that was too big. When I stood up, I gasped for breath and immediately got hit by another wave. When I finally came up for air, I was stumbling through the rip current and stepped down right on top of something sharp. I kind of hop-skipped and then looked at my foot. There was a little dot of blood, so I was pissed that I'd scraped my heel. That led me to take a break from body surfing. The blood kind of ran out and formed a blood/sand cover for the wound, so I wasn't worried about it. We laid out a while longer and then drove back to my hotel.

I decided I should probably clean my scrape, but when I was washing it in the tub, there were two little piece of sand that wouldn't wash off. And it hurt like hell when I touched it. I realized they were stuck in my foot. No biggie. I went to get my tweezers and pull them out. I grabbed a hold of the first one and started pulling. Oh, it came out. It came out a little bit, then a little more, then some more, and then some more. It was a long ass little piece of some kind of crustaceon. It hurt like a fucking bitch to pull it out and then started bleeding profusely. Then I turned to the next one. It was even bigger and hurt so bad when I tried to pull it out that I stopped. My coworker tried to pull it out but he couldn't. After calling around to find out where the nearest hospital was, I decided to just giterdone myself. So I grabbed it with the tweezers, bit down, and pulled. It was like a good inch long and completely inside my foot. This one hurt even worse and bled even more. In fact, it spurted out blood. So gross.

Anyway, I'm okay now. It doesn't appear to be infected. I've been limping all day, but really the only reason I told you about this is because I used my camera phone to take a picture of it and I wanted you all to see it. Kthanks.

This has turned into the weekend from hell. They pulled what they glibly described as "the ol' bait and switch." My "3 day all expenses paid weekend in New York City" has turned into "working 18 hours a day in Queens while commuting from South Jersey all over Labor Day weekend." I'd have to say I rarely if ever get this pissed. It has just been a disaster. My boss and boss's boss and boss's boss's boss aren't happy about how things went down either, so without divulging anything that would get me dooced, they've promised to make it up to me. And I know they will. And while I'm here I'm working hard. I've just never been so slighted before.

It's all thankless too, that's the best part. So just in case any of you were jealous, which I know some of you were, because quite honestly, I'm awesome, this is one of those times when you can lean your lawn chair way back as you bask in the simplicity of your own living room. I'm having no fun at all.

So I won't even get to see New York City, besides what I see from the highways as I traverse my way from Jersey to NYC through toll roads, turn pikes, and bridges. The bridges here have tolls as high as 9 dollars. Insanity. I am making my way pretty well though. Today I was chatting with my sister on the drive home and took a wrong split in the highway and ended up in Williamsburg. With my limited knowledge of the city I was able to make it back to Queens and then start my trip over again. I kinda love the city itself. It's rather sexy. I just wish I could enjoy it.

Enough complaining though. I was supposed to come home the 16th and I just changed my flight to the 9th. They can eat me if they don't like it. I informed my boss that I was coming home early and he encouraged me to do so. It's so nice to have management that really and truly backs you up and is understanding and respectful. That's what's lacking here.

No NYC for me, but yay I'm coming home. I can't wait to be home. In two weeks I go back to the sleep clinic to get my Constant Positive Air Pressure (CPAP) machine calibrated. Another night in the sleep lab, ugh! The last one wasn't as bad as I thought. You know how I said I didn't sleep at all? Well I did. I slept for six and a half hours. I just didn't realize it because I rarely made it out of the first stage of sleep. I only hit REM for 20 minutes, so I basically have been getting about 20 minutes of sleep a night for the past decade. It's nice to know I'm not crazy.

The apnea though. Lordy, lordy! A normal 24 year old probably wakes up during the course of the night about 5 times for any range of reasons. I, on the other hand, again, because I'm awesome, wake up 70 fucking times an HOUR!1!! They classify that as "severe." No shit. And every time I wake up it is because I've stopped breathing. So I stop breathing 70 times per hour. I'll spare you the hassle of pulling up your desktop calculator -- That's roughly every 51 seconds. Not exactly conducive to sleep. But this CPAP stops that from happening, meaning I could hit REM for 8 hours in one night. Holy shit, can you imagine what a difference that would make in my life?!

A few people have separately expressed the same concern. What if my personality changes on account of this? Think about it. How much more easy going are you after you've just pulled an all-nighter? Just kinda lazily making through the day. Miles even commented that when he's really tired he gets loopy and funny. I'm like that all the time. What if when I'm well rested I'm a really serious asshole? Hard to imagine, I know, I know.

Anyway, I gotta go piss and moan a little more to my parents, I just wanted you all to know that I'm miserable, so you could at least feel a little better about your own Labor Day weekend. An ULDE:IYDKYDG this is not. THIS time when I get back I'm not going nowhere, no how. So all those parties I've promised you all, we're gonna have. Unfortunately medical costs have bankrupted me, but I still have enough $$$ to get bombed. So this weekend, Ryan S■■■ specifically, it's on!

The sleep clinic. Worst. experience. of. my. life. It was so terrible. It sucked because I was so looking forward to it, but in practice it was extremely uncomfortable and upsetting. You go to this hotel room and a nurse comes in to get you ready for bed. They put 3 electrodes on my face, 3 on my scalp, 2 on my chest, 4 on my legs. I had a band around my chest and one around my stomach. I had tubes up my nose and in front of my mouth. They could measure my eye movements along with all of these other medical wonders. So imagine a trunk of cables coming from your body and attaching to the headboard. Now place a camera so that it points directly at your face. Then relax and go to sleep.

Yeah, not so much. I was so geared up that I couldn't sleep all night long. I got up in the middle of the night to use the restroom (with the nurse's help) and I told her I hadn't slept at all and she said, "I noticed." So the room of technicians really were sitting there watching me all night. Didn't help matters. I did doze off for a bit toward the morning so I think they were able to collect enough data to do some good. She described my sleeping ability as "terrible." Whooptie doo.

So the next day of work was shot. I skipped the fucker. I've decided that the 12 hour trip from Cincinnati to Austin was redeemed by this day off. Mikey was in town interviewing and needed a ride so I drove him around to his interview. While he was interviewing I treated myself to a nice lunch at Tom Toms and then bought myself a new phone. This one has a camera, people. It may be the end of the Sidesho-illustrations as we know them.

Today at work they told me I was going to New York for two weeks. I told them no fucking way. They told me I could have an all expenses paid 3 day Labor Day weekend in New York City if I agreed. My flight leaves tomorrow.

I apologize to everyone that I promised I would hang out with now that I was finally back, but we're going to have to delay that another two weeks. Sorry!

It's not every day that you meet a fucking great guy, get a new phone, make a bit of extra cash, win a free trip to NYC, and have everything professional dripping off your forked tongue like silk chocolate.

I think I just went overboard there. I'm off to take friends from Sweden out for margaritas. Ole!

I did it. I fucking did it. I traversed the globe from Austin, TX to Cincinnati, OH without a single hitch. I even rented my first car and followed directions to my hotel. From my balcony, I overlook a White Castle. I might have to try that tomorrow for dinner and see if it sucks even worse than Krystals does. The lady at the front desk here is super cool. She gave me a smoking room with a balcony, and had a fridge sent up to my room so I could keep the beers cold that she gave me. Who knows if she's this nice to everyone, but it sure does feel special.

I know Brandon had requested a big long blog all about my weekend in Austin, but that may have to wait a couple of days, which in effect means I will never get around to it. It is now midnight and I have to meet some dude in the lobby at 7am to go to the UC campus. So far I'm having a good time. Thanks jebus there's free internet access in my room. The workout facilities leave a lot to be desired, but it should be sufficient. But anyway, my weekend in Austin was awesome. Congratufuckinglations to Dr. and Mrs. Jamey Dent. Bang up job getting married, kids. The wedding was cathlick, the reception was fun, the nap I took after the reception was a fucking blast. I went out with Brandon and some of his friends. It was so, so good to see Brandon, not, not so good to see his friends. But, we all managed to make it though the weekend being painfully polite to each other. There's a whole sordid inside story to why that I don't feel like getting into. Let's just say his new boyfriend has every reason to hate me.

Beer #2 is now open.

So getting to Cincinnati (or Sin-sin-naughty, as I hope to come to call it) wasn't too bad. Lester took me to the airport and let me park my car at her apartment, so thanks for that, L.Bizzle said D.Fizzle. I scheduled myself a 4 hour layover in Chicago hoping that one of my two friends would be able to meet up with me for a while. Turned out that neither of them could, which was totally cool, I knew that when I scheduled the layover without asking that I was rolling the dice. So I had plenty of time to sit and eat a leisurely (free) dinner and then play Spider Solitaire for 2 hours while listening to John Denver's greatest hits.

My flight from Chicago to Cincinnati wasn't on a big American Airlines plane. It was on a smaller sub-airline, I guess, called American Eagle. I don't know about you, but visions of a flight crew dressed in tattered jeans and board shorts did not instill much confidence. But we made it on one piece with only minor turbulence, and then I masterfully navigated my (upgraded) rental car to my pimpass hotel. The fucking end.

Got a busy couple of weeks ahead of me, but so far I'm rather liking this travel thing. Now, to close, an homage to Drew Carey ... OHIO!!!1!!

Okay, I've got a couple for all of you Google-Earthers out there ... or is it Googler-Earths? Check out [43.8789746068,-103.459672608] and [34.1341770342,-118.321979438]. They are both really cool if you turn on "terrain" and then tilt it to the max. If you don't have any idea what I'm talking about, you need to get your ass to earth.google.com, stat! (Did you know the term "stat" is an abbreviation for the Latin word statim, meaning "immediately?" I didn't. I just googled it.)

I encourage all of you to find something cool, obscure, recognizable and post it on a comment here.

Lately I have been really into trying these local dives around town. It started with the Rainbow Cafe -- I know, I know, big shocker that I went there. But it's actually just a great little soda fountain eatery in beautiful downtown Carrollton. I don't think they've remodeled (or cleaned) since 19dickity4. They have a big rainbow awning over their soda fountains and make shakes and stuff. They also have the most kickass hamburgers and they come with a figurative BUCKET of tater tots. There are so many of them that I have to put some in my zipper pocket to eat later.

Then after Brett S■■■ and I woke up on Sunday (at 9:00am, for some ung*dly reason) we tried to go to IHOP but the line was too long. So we drove a bit further and came upon Pete's Cafe -- "Come on in, for Pete's sake." Too clever and they served breakfast all day long. Our waitress's name was Doris, she was a delightful 60-something woman who called me "honey." Her birthday was last week. It just could not have been more quaint, and the food kicks ass too. Brett wasn't feeling 100% so when asked what he'd like to drink, he said, "A big ol' whoppin' glass of water." Why he said that, we both may never know. Drugs is cool. But Doris brought me my coffee and water, and the brought Brett the biggest glass they had. Too funny. Doris is a sweetheart and I can't wait to see her again.

Then today when I left work to go get something done at the public library (on account that the noise levels in my office are raising my blood pressure rapidly), I happened by this place only called "Donuts" that I've driven past 100 times. I decided to stop in. The requisite little Asian woman behind the counter greeted me. I had 3 different kinds of kolaches, all of which were fantastic. She even warmed them up for me in the microwave and snuck 4 different kinds of donut holes onto my plate when I wasn't looking. I sat at this oooold-skool bar while I ate. A donut shop with a bar? So rad.

Look, buddy, all I'm tryin' to say is that there's more to life than Smith and Wollensky's, Pappas Bros, and Three Forks. All of which sound just delicious right now. Maybe I'll go there tonight. I'm getting my hair did tonight, though, so it might have to wait until tomorrow. I expect that when I return from Cincinnati, myself and the Addison Circle will be hitting up these delightful restaurants?

Now get GOOGLING EARTH!

I think I might need to start a Sleep Files of sorts. This will be last installment in that epic saga for a while. I went to the clinic today. They asked a lot of intelligent questions. They said I definitely need to come back and spend a night in their sleep lab. If anybody wants to go with me, we can totally spoon ... though I'm not sure if that's allowed.

The doctor was also kind enough to point out the two physical features I am probably the most self conscious about (although that term is just relative since I'm not really self conscious). He asked me if I'd ever broken my nose and then seemed to think I was lying to him when I said no. He said I have a deviated septum that could be contributing to my problem. He also commented on my overbite and said that my lower mandible being farther back could be pressing my tongue against the back of my throat as I sleep. Both of these could be corrected with very painful surgery, but I know a thing our two about blindingly painful surgeries, so I'd be willing to go along with it if they thought I needed it. That's kind of a last resort and they're not even sure it would come to that until I complete the sleep test. Still, if I did do that, I'd totally have a cosmetic surgeon come along for the ride to make the pain and suffering and rehabilitation worth it.

That sleep test won't be happening until I return from Cincinnati, though, so we can close this chapter for a while. I was quite tired at my appointment today due to breaking the sleep rules last night to go downtown for a couple glasses of wine with JD. Definitely need to make a habit of that.

Today at work, my body builder coworker delivered my 10 POUND BAG of whey protein that I told him I wanted. I am now supplementing my diet. But seriously, 10 pounds is sooo much more than I thought it was. Picture like a bag of dog food, only completely filled with powder. I laughed so hard when I saw it. It's going to last me well past its 2007 expiration date. So I came home from the workout, drank my shake, and then cleaned Tuna's tank. It was way past due. He seems rather pleased that I finally got around to it. I set him next to the laptop while I was in the bathtub scrubbin his rocks. When I came back out he was surfing around Friendster. Did he add you?

Finally, at lunch today somebody made a mention of an alias. All three of us in rapid succession offered up our aliases, mine being Donovan Blankenship. Then that made me think of Joey and Phoebe being Ken Adams and Regina Philange. And naturally that led me to think about how Allison adopted Fionula Flannigan as hers. Having a cool alias is a MUST. So I ask you, dear viewers, to post your pseudonym here on a comment. And with that, I bid you adieu.

I'd like to thank you all for coming on such short notice. The reason I called you here is to take care of a few items of business.

First, I will be in Austin (Round Rock) on August 12. I am going to AllieD's wedding, remember? Well then my boss comes to tell me that I will be in Cincinnati for two weeks ... the two weeks that would put that wedding smack dab in the middle. I'm not sure, smack dab may be kind of strong, but in the middle nonetheless. I gave them two options, since I am an uppity little shit. I said they could either pay for me to go to Austin that weekend or delay my trip one week. They opted for the latter. Disaster! Nobody wants to attend a wedding reception and then wake up early the next day to drive three hours and get on a plane. So now, I am going to fly out of Austin on the 14th, the details of which aren't entirely worked out. I'll be on the campus of the University of Cincinnati for two weeks and then I will fly back into Austin. Then I'll party one more weekend in that fair city before I return to Dallas. Should be fun.

Secondly, I made an appointment with a doctor for Monday. I am going to go in and repeat back to him the symptoms of sleep apnea that I read on the internet. Please, it won't be the first time I've lied to a doctor to get what I want. Although, usually that is prescription medication. This time, it will be my golden ticket. You see, in order to go to the sleep clinic that I want to go to, you need a referral from a general practitioner. So I'm going to do what it takes to get that referral. Then I get to go to a sleep clinic and spend the night wired up with electrodes and monitors and shit and they will see that I'm waking up 1,000 times a night. I also know from eye witness accounts that I stop breathing for long periods of time and then gasp for air. It's so sleep apnea; it has to be. We're gonna get that taken care of though, don't you worry.

Those were the two action items I wanted to address today. If anybody knows anyone in or anything about Cincinnati please hit me up. Laaaaaaaaaate.

Today I awoke at exactly 4am at which time I arose fully refreshed and took a shower. I spent time making my hair look nice, pressed my shirt for work, and looked put together. I had a nice breakfast of Kellogg's cornflakes with strawberries before brushing my teeth and leaving for work. There was no traffic since I arrived at work at 6:30. I brewed a pot of coffee for the office and got my Monday paperwork out of the way before arriving 10 minutes early to the 7:30 meeting. After the meeting I got out to a job site around 9 and finished out my 10 hour day, making extra time by skipping lunch. After bringing an entire school online, I went and worked out for an hour and a half. I've lost 4 pounds since the last time I weighed myself on Thursday. I tanned. I came home and cooked some chicken red beans and rice that was so good it'd make you slap your mama. I ate a reasonable portion despite being starved. I have leftovers for tomorrow. I did all of my laundry and folded it. I cleaned the entire kitchen and disinfected. I cleaned the toilet and scrubbed the bathroom floor. I smoked no cigarettes and drank zero beers. And I did all this with time left to make it to bed early tonight.

Who am I and what have you done with the real Sidesho?

Is it weird that after I get done tanning, the smell eminating from my skin makes me hungry? Somebody back me up on this one.

I got carded on the way home buying cigarettes at the discount tobacco store, and then the old Indian man went on like a 5 minute explanation of how I have a baby face and that means that I am a good person inside because a good person's features never change. I was like, "Thanks, Vishnu, can I have my smokes now?"

So I've decided to push back my Australia trip to July 7th through the 15th. That means that I will be here on July 4th and my birthday July 6th. Tomorrow is Justin's birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUSTIN. Hurry up and come to Dallas and bring me my belt. I saw a chick in a bar wearing one, and I simply must be the first to have one in my social circle or else the novelty will wear off.

This Saturday Ryan and Todd are coming over from Arlington to play drinking games with me. Thommi might come up. Lesbie Ann might come. I'm going to invite Will and Lindsay too to make it a royal college reunion. Ryan S■■■ is bringing Robert and I'm going to see if Lil Jarrod wants to come. Party at the 735 square feet of fun! Damnit, now I have to clean. Anyway, if you want to come, let me know.

I almost forgot, today at work I switched my keyboard to Dvorak. I'll let you all know how that works out for me.

Nothing else to report. My days blend into each other as I drudge through the monotony of a job well done. Czech you skillets later.

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of me starting work at my job. This little milestone has a bit of significance considering a year ago "one year" sounded like an eternity. Come to find, it's really not that long. Although, when you think about it, a lot has happened in the past year. In 12 month's time, I've started and kept a job. I've gotten my own apartment and managed to paint and semi-decorate it. I've been to six foreign countries. And I've consumed enough beer for a lifetime. Yeah, when you line up all my achievements, it's not too shabby.

I bought the girls I work with really cute little flower pots and cards and put them on their desks after work today. I hope they appreciate the sentiment. I really get off on doing random nice things like that. I'm not even sure anyone but me is realizing its the anniversary, but then again, they probably haven't been counting the hours like I have.

Tonight I went to Studio Movie Grill as per standard Funday night procedure. When I was leaving I got the hiccups. I always think that is so funny when you're drunk and get the hiccups. Makes me feel like a cartoon. Speaking of cartoons ... back to Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

I normally don't talk about work on my webpage, mostly because I do NOT want to get dooced. But I think these observations are fairly harmless. I decided to "steal" "Owen's" style of blogging and put some figure numbers on my images. Then after I was done with the tedious photoshopping of each image, I changed my mind on the order. So fuck off if you can't get past the point that my figures are out of order (although if I was my TA, I'd give me a zero on this blog just for that). These are just a couple of things that I find really amusing on construction sites that most of my readers will never see because you're not construction workers like me!

You know how there are electrical boxes like everywhere behind the scenes of a building? Well, there are. I've illustrated it here in our first picture, Figure 4, so you could know what I was talking about. When each of those metal pipes is connected to the box, a hole has to be drilled in the outer casing. The diameter of these pipes is roughly that of a quarter. So here is my advice to you the next time you are on a job site. Don't pick up the little silver circles left behind by this drilling. And whatever you do, DON'T yell, "Hey, I found a quarter! Is it on heads?!" and then pick one up.

Okay, now onto the topic that I'm really excited to try and explain. There are pipes that take hot and cold water from the boiler and chiller (respectively) all throughout the building. Air is then blown across a coil of pipes containing this water to either heat or cool the air (respectively). It is then blown into the room and all the fat teachers in menopause bitch that it's always too hot or cold (disrespectfully). These pipes have to be insulated, naturally. After a foam insulation is wrapped around the pipe, it is usually finished off with a PVC coating like the one shown in Figure 1. There are just pieces layin around all over the job site. And every day, I have to fight, fight, fight the insatiable urge to put these pieces on my body like a Storm Trooper. They would be soooo perfect. Just to prove my point, check out Figure 2 where I actually found a nerd on the internet that shows you the pieces you need to be a Storm Trooper. Can you imagine how cool I would be if I came out of the chiller plant dressed up like Figure 3? Not only would I not need a hard hat and safety glasses ... but I could sleep standing up and no one would be the wiser. Thanks for bearing with me while I explained these very technical ideas that came to me as I wasted away on a job site. Laaaaaaaaaaate.

I have some advice for all of you who will be graduating soon and looking for full-time employment. Obtaining your dream job will not make your job a dream ... it will only make your dreams a job.

Sometimes I think up random shit and then I find myself to be unduly clever. Also, I like to make myself feel better about my non-existance. Coming back to work has been particularly difficult this week what with the deadlines and my apathy. I miss Sweden. I miss Germany. I miss socialists and liberals. Baseball and bar-be-que just hasn't quite filled the void.

I no longer have a roommate. Andy moved out on Wednesday. I totally thought he was leaving next Wednesday or I would have made more ado about it. Like friendship bracelets or something. But as it was, he gathered up his stuff and left Wednesday afternoon. I don't mean to sound sappy but I already miss him. I totally wanted to just go have a beer and a conversation tonight and I couldn't find anyone to join me. Travass eventually changed his mind about declining my invitation and absolutely saved the day, but still... it was nice to have a live-in drinking buddy. But now I've got two of my best friends with me -- Coors Light and Hedwig. What more can you honestly ask for?

I feel like I had a lot more planned for this entry, but I must have left those ideas back at the first beer. I'm sure they'll come back to me. Thank you for your understanding, but most of all, for your support.

I've decided to kind of split up the next few blogs into a few different entries. If I were to try and tell you all about my week in one, it would be far, far too long. I'll try to do it in under 5 though, so they can all remain on the main page. Hopefully you've scrolled to the end so you can read them in order.

So Thursday night we decided to treat ourselves to a last-night-in-Malmo type of party. Keith and I went to the Pickwick, the only pub we found that had a true "Happy Hour" as we understand it. I brought my camera with me because I had failed to take a single picture the entire two weeks. I felt so stupid stopping and taking pictures of stuff we'd passed a hundred times before. There is nothing to transform yourself into the perfect tourist like a few Heine pints. We were snapping pictures of everything and everyone and laughing our asses off. So now it's time for dinner.

We would meet Paul the Englishman and the Dweeb in the lobby every night at 7 before we walked to dinner. So around 7 Paul comes down before the Dweeb and we all kind of looked at each other and at the same time said, "Let's go!" Well, really, Paul said, "Shall we?" but same idea. We decided that for our last meal we would enjoy some free time from the Dweeb and it was a great time. We had many more beers with dinner before heading to our favorite little Irish pub for some darts. I was so on fire the first round. They were both like, "Damn, you did learn a lot the other night." But trust me, friends, as the time went on and the beers went down, I started having trouble even hitting the fucking board. It was getting sad so I had to excuse myself.

The next day I was so hungover and tired. I was pretty much just blatantly sleeping at my desk without trying to hide it. What were they gonna do about it? Around 2 I split a cab with Paul the Englishman and we went to the Copenhagen airport at Kastrup. We said our goodbyes and split ways to find our gates. I had a couple hours to kill so I decided to exchange some money into Euros when a familiar voice said, "Better yet, why don't you waste those Kroner on pints?" Oh, Paul the Englishman! He'd found me as we both waited for our flights so we sat and got drunk one last time. It was pretty good for my nerves because I had no fucking idea what I was doing or why. Just going to Paris for the fuck of it. Tres not my style. So off I went into the great unknown. I still miss Sweden, but as you'll see ... it was not the best part of my vacation afterall....

For once, I am going to make good on a future-blog promise and tell you all about the dweeb we are here with. He has a lot of names, actually. Dweeb, Poindexter, Imp, and Alfred E. Newman. I wasn't aware of this fact, but apparently Alfred E. Newman is the name of the character on the front of MAD Magazine. This kid looks EXACTLY like him; I'm so not even kidding. Buckteeth, big ears, and stupid butt-cut hairdo. Normally I wouldn't make fun of someone for the way they look, but after two weeks, this kid is on my last fucking nerve. And you all know what a nice guy I am. Right? ... Right? Fuck you.

Everything I describe is probably going to sound really petty, but it's just one of those things where it wears on you and wears on you until he can do no right. I find myself disagreeing what whatever he says, just for the sake of disagreeing. So far on this trip, we have been doing a lot of drinking. I mean a lot of drinking, and yet, I have only been drunk once (Friday night). They just have a wealth of great beers and we've been stopping into a pub to enjoy a beer or two with Paul the Englishman. We knew we were in trouble the first night when Poindexter ordered water at the bar. "I'm not much of a drinker." He stared as us the entire time we were there until he finally excused himself early. He does that every night now, always in bed by 8. What a waste of a vacation. "Fancy that," Paul said, "Not even being able to enjoy one beer when he's in a pub."

We've made sure everyone here knows he's not a typical American. "He's not a typical anything," seems to be the common response. So he don't drink, he don't smoke, and he goes to bed early every night. Aight, whatever. He'd also never played pool before in his life. Now I'm no pool shark. Being as I grew up with a table maybe I should be, but I still warn people before I play them that I am "no good." So when he warned us he was "no good" I thought he meant he would miss some of the long shots, or suck at banking, or not really know how to use English on the cue ball. HA! If he knew HOW TO USE THE CUE BALL. This fool steps up to the table, grabs the cue stick about halfway down the shaft leaving a huge dead weight behind him he can barely control and takes aim at the 12 ball. Unfathomable. No matter how bad you are, you should at least know to hit the white ball.

Aight, whatev. Maybe biljards aren't his thing. So we play darts another night. Kid has never thrown a dart in his life nor does he have any concept of how to play. Incidentally, I am pretty good at darts now after playing almost every night with Keith and Paul. The other night we were at our favorite little bar here and this guy came in and asked if maybe he could play with us on teams. Sure, what the hell. This dude ends up being ranked like #8 in all of Scandinavia. It was the most incredible thing I've ever seen. We were playing cricket and he would close out like 3 numbers each turn. The guy could tell you where his dart was gonna go and it would go there. I can tell you which quadrant of the board I'll land in, not much more. Keith and Paul headed back to the hotel but I wanted to play more darts so I stayed out late learning from this guy. I improved my game like 100 fold. I was nailing 1 or 2 triple 20's every throw. It was fun.

This is going to be the longest blog ever. Bear with me. So now he's not much of a drinker, not much of a smoker, not much of a pool player, and not much of a darts player. These are starting to add up. But I guess that's cool that he likes to be responsible during the week. That's understandable. The weekends, though, that's when the fun begins. Foreign country, dude! What happens in Sverige, stays in Sverige, right? There's a casino here that I suggested maybe we could check out. Unfortunately, he's "not much of a gambler." Good fuckin' xrist. So I invited him out to Étage with me. He's "not much of a club goer." On Monday when he asked me how my weekend was I said, "Omega, crazy fun. You?" "Well... I don't know how crazy it was [ed: all condescending like] but I saw some parks and canals and really interesting stuff." The only thing homeboy did all weekend was walk around town like we've done a thousand times before. The parks are just empty squares scattered around town, and the canal is just a canal. Nothing to see there.

I don't care if somebody is a nerd, though, as long as they're cool. This guy is nothing of the sort. We went out pretty late on Thursday and that Friday I was a little late to breakfast, a little achy, and a little dehydrated and he says to me, "Heh, that's what you get for starting your weekend on Thursday," a reference to my earlier description of how often I drink which goes: "Monday is Funday, Tuesday is Boozeday, Wednesday is Humpday and Thursday starts the weekend!" If my head hadn't been swimming, I would have jumped over the table and beat him. Then the other day walking back from lunch, Keith and I were enjoying our post-meal cigarettes. He gets this smirk on his face. That's how you can tell he's about to say something that will inevitably be fucking stupid, but he thinks it's clever. He turns to us and says, "You know, I hear that lung cancer is a painful way to die." And I said, "You know, I hear running your fucking mouth is a painful way to die." ... Okay, I didn't say that but I did think of it later.

The four of us go to dinner together every night. It's the most painful part of the day because we have to sit there with the dweeb. He is such a conversation killer. Anything we talk about he kills by saying something retarded, so we generally eat in silence waiting for him to go back to the hotel and then we talk about our days. And we've all kind of taken a turn picking up the tab. We are expensing our meals so it's all free, and if you pick up the tab for a co-worker, that can go under entertainment expenses. And since the only things we really have to talk about are work-related, that's totally kosher. And since I've only paid for dinner about every third night, accounting will certainly notice that I've had my tab picked up other people enough to further justify my reciprocation. Right now you should be thinking to yourself, every third night? Didn't you say there were four of you?" Man, I can't get anything by you. Poindexter refuses to pick up a tab. We started noticing the pattern after the first week and talked about it after he left. We agreed he was OBVIOUSLY the most socially inept person alive so he probably didn't realize he needed to pick one up. So we blatantly said, "Alright dude, it's your turn tonight." And he refused!

He is afraid that he won't be able to expense it since it's entertainment, although I suspect he just has moral conflicts with paying for beer. But still, come on, we all work for the same fucking company, they WILL reimburse it. Especially if you haven't paid for a since dinner yet since you've been to Sweden. g*d, this kid pisses me off. He's just one of those people that when you catch him looking at you, you just kinda wanna smash his face in. But you don't because you are a pacifist.

You should see him at breakfast. It's one of the oddest things I've ever seen. Dude will get about 12 slices of bread ... all different kinds. And he'll proceed to eat them... dry... with nothing to drink. And when he's done with that, he gets up and gets a bowl full of this granola-nut-muesli cluster concoction. It's very hearty, European cereal. He proceeds to eat the whole bowl ... dry. I like it just fine, but I soak mine with milk for a while before I eat it or else I just feel like a horse. And when he's done with that, he gets up and gets a plate full of crackers... and eats them dry. He is so fucking weird.

He actually reminds me a lot of my fourth college roommate, Clark. He's got that same irritating manner about him, which leads me to suspect this kid is a hardcore x-tian. Thank jebus I only have to see him one more day, and then with any luck, never, never again.

I just got back from a hockey game. What a great idea that is. Go to a freezing ass country and then sit in a room with a huge slab of ice. Sheesh. It ended up being fun because the Malmo Redhawks won 11 to 2. They supposedly aren't very good, but they spanked this other team. I've been under my covers in the hotel for about an hour now and I'm still not thawed out.

The hotel room is pretty warm at all times. They don't really have air conditioning here. They just keep all their buildings warm, and then if you get too hot, you open a window. It works pretty well, especially in a country when its not 105 outside. Another difference is the light switches. Their switches are like the size of our base plates. Makes sense I guess. No reason to make the switch so small. And the toilets -- you don't push down on a level, you pull up on a button on top of the toilet. Same concept, just different. Everything here is just different enough to keep it interesting ... and make you have to pause to figure it out.

Everyone in Sweden smokes. Really, I think its just that everyone in Europe smokes. And you can smoke just about anywhere. When we got off the plane in Zurich, the first thing we did was try to find a smoking room. We slowly started noticing that people walking through the airport were smoking. A far cry from DFW, that's for sure.

It seems my employment luck is international. I got assigned to the team that really isn't doing much. I've mostly just been hanging out and eating great lunches before cutting out a little early. I am trying to find out what I'm going to do this weekend and wouldn't you know it, Stino just told me he has a friend in Malmo. He's going to email him for me and see if he'll be my tour guide. That would pretty much kickass if it worked out.

I am watching MTV Europe's version of Jackass. It's these four guys that put Bam and Steve-o to shame. They just waxed this guy's balls and they showed the whole thing, full frontal. That's really the only nudity I've seen so far. With any luck this weekend, it won't be the last.

I don't think I've mentioned Paul yet. Paul is this English guy who is here for the same thing we are. He's really cool. He's like a real live Englishman. He tells us to "fancy" things ... something I will definitely try to get started in the states. Fancy that, another new word for my rotation.

Damnit, I have a thousand more stories, but this will have to do for now. Although the time stamp will read 4pm, its really 11 for me and I still have to shower and then flat iron my hair with my new swedish flat iron ... it was worth all 400 Kroner. Laaaaaaate.

My new niece could not have been cuter. She is so, so tiny. She has a full head of hair that is probably the softest thing I have ever felt. I got her a green outfit for her birthday because I didn't want her to get pinched next Thursday. She's just a baby, for g*d's sake. It's not nice to pinch babies. She's too young for beer, but maybe my sis will be festive and feed her green breast milk.

That was gross, sorry. Not much else of note going on over here. I'm counting the days until Sweden just trying not to get fired before then. Tomorrow is the day Home and Garden will call me and let me know that I've won this years 3.5 million dollar dream home in Tyler, TX, along with the new Chevy Denali (sp?) and the $250,000 in cash. I can't wait to move in. I mean I entered like 10 times, so I'm a total shoo-in.

This'll be like the time I won an enormous stuffed animal from the dentist named Kiki. One time, I said to my brother, "Let's play beat the Kiki! I get the stick!" and took one swing at the enormous koala bear with the dowel rod we used to protect us from someone opening our bedroom window. One swing and the eye broke in half and rolled away. I was so upset. I didn't hit a baseball in 4 seasons, but I can crack an eyeball with a dowel rod in one try.

Why is it that tomorrow is spelled t-o-m-o-r-r-o-w but I abbreviate it as "tomm?"

I think I've decided to get a tattoo. Which I probably shouldn't tell you all because my brother will read and tell my mother and she will go absolutely ape-shit. But as of yet, I don't know what I want or where. So I'll entertain your suggestions, as long as your suggestions entertain me.

Thanks for all the great comments on my new layout, bitches! *makes masturbatorial motion*

This morning I was having a hard time getting anything done at work. My cubicle is smack dab in the middle of the office hustle and bustle. I have several high talkers in my immediate vicinity, people who check their voicemail on speaker phone, innumerable cell phones ringing with a myriad of different tones and diddies, and then on top of all that is the drone of business going on. The only way I can really concentrate on what I'm doing is to wear my headphones, but then I'm listening to music and that doesn't really help me program much either.

So I decided I would work at a library for the afternoon. First, I got a quick lunch at Whataburger. The guy who carries around the tray and asks you if you want more ketchup noticed my Aggie ring and asked about it. I told him what it was and he said, "Oh, I got an engineering degree. I was in the military for a while so I was 27 when I finally got my degree. I was working for WorldCom when we all got laid off. I was in California then and just moved here." I told him I worked as an engineer and he inquired if we were hiring. I told him we were always taking applications. You know, I learned something today from this man. I always look down on the help, but you never know their story. You really can't judge a book by its cover. Then again, this guy looked like a dirty, dirty liar.

Engineers don't work at Whataburger.

When I finally arrived at the library, I got down to business. I finally got a chance to familiarize myself with a new project properly by reading all the material I had and listing out what all I needed to program. Very productive. When I got to a stopping point, I let my eyes wander and ended up reading books for a while. There was a book called How to Read a Book. I wanted to go sit in a high traffic area and hold it upside down with my brow furrowed and see how many people might stop and help.

So once the productivity slipped, I decided to finish out the day at home, and that's where you find me now. I just thought I'd take a quick break to let you all know the 411. I hope you all enjoy your Freitag. You're either in or you're out. Auf Wiedersehen.

I decided to take another day off work. My sleep sched was all wonky from sleeping all day Monday and I wasn't feeling quite 100% although I am much, much better. Plus, when you douche out the work stall, people don't really want you to return too soon. I left the alarm off in anticipation of sleeping in as late as I wanted on a week day -- a rare treat.

OR IS IT, SEAN? At the ripe old hour of 10:00am, I get a rude awakening from Sean W■■■■ who is stranded on the side of the street with a flat tire. Wouldn't have been an issue if his spare wasn't already on his car. Sigh. Ever the helpful friend, I got out of bed, slapped on some clothes and picked him up. First, we had to go pick up his paycheck. I got to see Ryan S■■■ and see where he works. It is the most fabulous warehouse I have ever seen. Then we went and cashed said paycheck in order to pay for the tow truck. Okay, all of this is leading somewhere; bear with me. While we waited for the tow truck, we sat and discussed hair. Duh.

Sean said something to the effect of, "Blah blah blah bah bah got my hair relaxed blah bah blab blah." Hark?! I thought only women of African descent got their hair relaxed. This was an option for me? I got on the horn with my friend Chad who works at Toni & Guy and booked myself an appointment for the afternoon. A hair procedure I have never done before? You know, just when you think the world is going to end because you woke up at 10, jesus swoops in and shows you that everything happens for a reason.

This is the greatest invention of all time. I haven't been this excited about my hair since I discovered the flat iron. It smelled pretty bad, but it didn't burn at all. Apparently this is a new product more tailored toward fair-haired members of society so it isn't as harsh. I don't like to think of it as relaxing my hair, thats too harsh, I like to think I chillaxed it. When I step out of the shower now, it already looks like I've spent 30 minutes flat ironing. It's incredible. I've been using your product for a day now, and I'm still excited.

Is it ironic that something called "straightening" has made me even gayer?

I hung out with my mother all night because I had to file my taxes with my dad. Let's just say my tax refund is about 3X what I was expecting. Whoo hoo PAR-TAY! Instead of my cardio workout, I sat around eating cheesecake and ice cream with my mother. She doesn't like the idea of me trying to lose weight, but I think that's because her loving-mother-vision penetrates my multiple layers of viscous whale fat. Alas, it was a good time. I guess I'll go to work tomorrow in hopes that I can keep from upchucking during the day. g*d, that's so unbecoming. Later, skids.

Happy Valentines Day, sluts! Mine started off with a bang! Normally on Vday, I drink a whole lot. This has been a tradition for the past 5 years. I was kind of at a loss wondering how I would celebrate (or exactly the opposite of celebrate) this year. I got my answer in the form of disease.

I went to work this morning and was blissfully programming along when all of a sudden it felt like someone had turned the heat on. I rolled up my sleeves and kept going. A few minutes later it felt like someone was holding a blow dryer to my face. I was sweating profusely and had like the top 4 buttons undone on my shirt. I could feel the heat pouring out of my shirt on my chin. One of my co-s walked by and I was like, "Hey, is it really, really, really, really hot in here?" and he was like "Uhhhh no ... you don't look so good let me feel your forehead ... damn, you are on fire." And then this other guy walked by and was like, "David, seriously, you are WHITE." Never the one to lose my sense of humor, I was like, "Okay, okay, I know I need to start tanning, this is hardly the time to bring it up."

A few more minutes and it was to the races! A race to the facilities that is. Yes, dear friends, I started off the day with a technicolor yawn in the work bathroom. How embarassing. And to add to the embarassment, this is the first work day after I told one of the managers I was bulemic. We went to a pizza buffet for lunch and I was like, "Ugh, I don't need another piece but I'm going to have one. Not like it matters, I'm just gonna throw it up when we get back to the office." Now he probably thinks I was just regurgitating my breakfast. Great.

After a few more jokes (including calling it a technicolor yawn) I was prodded out the door by everyone who did not want whatever it was that I have. Everyone has been sick in my department this year except for me and one other guy. And we had bet lunch on who would succomb to the bug this year first. Damnit, now I owe him lunch. I think it was Raul who said he hates it when people say "there's a bug going around" because its like saying "it's not the heat, it's the humidity." I thought that was funny.

Alright, kids, it's time for me to fall back asleep. This being sick thing isn't half bad. I hope you're all having a much better Valentine's Day than me. Woe is me! To be sick on my second favorite made-up holiday after Easter! I wish you all lots of action on this manufactured day for gratuitous sex, and I'll catch you all ... on the flip side. Peace.

This morning promised to put me in a fowl mood (quack! quack!) since I had to get up at the ass crack of dawn to go back to the pits of the ■■■ Airport. I have gotten rather surly about going on sites, so people know they damn well better be good and ready for me to be there before they ask me to go somewhere. If there is no power, or no communication lines run, then I can essentially do nothing. I could crawl up in the ceiling and run wires like Trey does ... but my jeans cost a lot more than his.

So I grudgingly obliged to be dragged back to what I have come to believe is my own personal hell under the veiled promises of EVERYTHING being wired. I was assured that the ONLY thing left to do was download my program and verify it. Pschah. I didn't believe it for a second. Sure enough, we get out there and power hasn't even been hooked up. To put a cherry on this clusterfuck, there were problems with the permits that might take two weeks to clear up. DFW can suck a nut.

So now I'm in a bad mood. I decided to try and apologize to myself for making me get up early and drag myself out to DFW with a taquito. So I left work and got a taquito and slowly enjoyed it. Luckily, I go pretty easy on me and decided to forgive myself. Soon after, it was time for lunch where I shoveled BBQ into my face like it was going out of style. Free Fried Pie Tuesdays in full effect, ya'll. I would tell you all a story about me, Michael McNeff, and fried pies, but it's much to long and will have to wait for another day. Anyway, since all pleasure in my life is now derived from food, I was thrilled when my mother called and asked me to go out to dinner with her since my dad was going to a Mavericks game. Score! Pan seared grouper with a citrus sauce and steamed vegetables at Fridays? Sign me up!

The real reason I'm so happy about all the good food that I ate is that when I went to go work out I weighed myself again and I lost another pound! w00t! That puts me at -3 from the starting gate. Things are looking up, kids. Oh, and also, my mom gave me my Valentine's Day present. It's her foot massager that she never uses, so I am now enjoying the most wonderful foot massage ever. All in all today was a good day. There were a few bumps here and there, and my mood has been erratic lately, but I'm doin alright.

Now, who wants some unflavored popsicles?!

Dear all you bitches who said I would get fired,
I got a raise today.
Har dee har fucking har.
Love,
Sidesho

In fact, my year-end review said that I was doing "outstanding," had "exceeded all expectations," and had "received praise from co-workers both in and out of [my] department." It's kind of hard to argue with that. And that's in print, bold-faced, and in my permanent record. So to everyone who scoffed at me going in late 6 months in a row, everyone who turned their nose up at my mid-day naps, anyone who thought noon was too early to call it a day, and the nay-sayers who thought skipping a day was grounds for immediate termination, I say sit on it. I'm doing an outstanding job. Besides, you can't hold it against me that I'm as much as three times more productive than the average human.

The only thing my boss said he was worried about, concerning yours truly, is that I would be quitting relatively soon. He said I have too much education and potential for this job to hold me longer than 4 years. He doesn't know I was planning on quitting Tuesday. But, he does make a good point. I am terribly bored with work. But you just can't deny how sweet it is to land yet another job where I do what I want, and the allure of making that into a career.

Oh goodness, look at me going on and on about myself. How dreadful. You all KNOW how I hate to toot my own horn.

My workouts are going well even though Mr. K■■■■■■ has fallen "ill" and I've been flying solo every day this week. Except this time I'm being literal; I have gone every day this week. Even though I am still morbidly obese, at least my arms are muscular enough to lift my fat ass off the ground. Hopefully Febrehabruary will take care of that. (I changed the name from Frehabruary to Febrehabruary. While they both look fine in print, the latter is definitely easier to speak aloud.)

Did you notice my grammatically correct usage of the semi-colon in the paragraph above? My grammar book (Eats, Shoots & Leaves) is positively fascinating. I am learning so much from it. And its fuuunnnnny.

Allison left for Australia yesterday. I hope she likes lederhosen and wienerschnitzel, ja. JKJK. I'm not much for sloven goodbyes, but I did get her a picture frame that said "Best Friends" along the top and then "Sydney July 2005" along the bottom. When I saw it on the shelf, I thought it was so appropriate and definitely freaky that they were mass producing them. JKJK again! I had it engraved. That's my new thing. You're nobody unless you get an engraved gift from me. Except for Ryan S■■■ who got a kickass DVD stand. That was from the heart. Anyway, back to Allison. She'll be gone for a year but I'll see her this summer, so that's not too bad. I wish her the best ... shrimp on the barbie.

I bought a big bottle of pomegranite juice. It's called Pom. Much like every other juice ever produced, it claims to be really good for you. I'll tell you one thing: it's fucking delicious. If you are just joining us and aren't familiar with the fruit, search my site for it. I have a great explanation somewhere in the past. The only downside of the juice is that it was 10 bucks for something the size of a cranberry cocktail. That's too expensive to have it on my permanent online shopping list, but a definite treat now and again.

I think I'll end on that note because I'm rambling a tad. I miss you all and apologize for my continued unpluggedness. We'll all get through this soon enough. Peace out, my little have nots. I love you all.

I spent the better part of today in the bowels of the ■■■ Airport. I wish you all could have heard my inner monologue as I walked around the caverns. I am flabbergasted that my life's path has led me to this. I have to go back tomorrow and possibly Wednesday. If this goes on beyond Wednesday, I will be looking for a new job. It is completely ridiculous to send me to places like this. They seem to assume I have some massive background experience with hands-on work, probably because everyone else I work with has at least 15 years of experience as building engineers and shit. I program. I like computers. The most voltage I ever saw in college was 5 volts. Now they're handing me a hard hat, a screw driver, and shoving me into 480 volt transformers and expecting me to know what to do.

How many times do I have to fucking repeat this, people? Electrical engineers ARE NOT ELECTRICIANS.

Some of it was kind of neat, I have to admit. I would love to see a show about the HVAC system on the Discovery Channel. They have one central plant that handles the cooling for the entire airport. You can't imagine how big these chillers are. Chillers make cold water and then pump it around to cool down the air that blows into the offices and terminals and stuff. There were at least 4 of them, maybe more, and each one was about as big as an airplane. Then there are cooling towers that use evaporation to cool down water. Each one of these was a round tower about the diameter of a basketball court length-wise. They had huge fans blowing air through the water, and we walked down to the sump, which was a little more like Niagara Falls than an air conditioner. At least in my experience ... which is NONE.

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow but I'm trying to keep a positive attitude. I'm not shaving today or tomorrow and I dropped by Target to get a shirt for work tomorrow. Hopefully I'll at least mildly look the part. My boss always pulls me aside when we're on site and explains the most BASIC concepts of HVAC to me in front of everyone else on the site. I don't think he's consciously trying to destroy any credibility I might have, but if he were, this is how he would do it. I know I've only worked there six months, but come on, I have managed to retain the slightest bit of information in that time.

If any of you know of any positions open in your offices ... jobs where you don't have to put your physical well being on the line ... please let me know about them. Sorry to be a downer, but this kind of shit just really rubs me the wrong way. Hopefully this will all be over soon and I can get back to sleeping at my desk. Ugh.

First things, first. Happy Birthday Ryan S■■■! So yay. We spent last night celebrating said birthday, which may be why I didn't wake up until 2pm today. Just a hunch. Ryan said that all he wanted was beer, pizza, and a few friends. So Sean, being the clever little devil that he is, organized a dinner down at the State and Allen Lounge consisting of discounted pizzas, domestics, and a whole slew of friends. It was a really nice time. After that we went to JRs for a smidge and then to S4.

When we went into S4, half of the No-Fun Room (aka the Non-Smoking Room) was all corded off with bouncers guarding the entrances. I thought maybe some big movie star like Richard Gere or Tom Cruise might be there. Turns out it was the cast of Bravo's new spin-off makeover show, Queer Girl for the Straight Lesbian. Mmmk, not only does this show not live up to its predecessor, but it takes dumpy nasty girls and has a lesbian give them fashion tips. It's just not good, sorry Bravo. And the cherry on top? It's been on the air for all of two weeks. I hardly think they needed to rope off an area for the 'stars.' If somebody hadn't pointed them out and had they not been sectioned off, I would have NEVER recognized them, and I've seen every episode.

That being said, we were standing in a group as they paraded into their "VIP" section, and I stood and watched each one walk by. That is, until the one I like walked by, so I stuck my hand out and introduced myself to him. I don't remember his name. Don't care. But he did say it was nice to meet me. You can see here in the artist's depiction of the scene what happened. I'm such a celebrity magnet its, like, not even funny.

The reason I am online is because I brought my work computer home for the weekend. I'm probably going to get in trouble for chatting and checking email and stuff on it. Then again, who am I kidding, I could burn down a building and get a slap on the wrist. This week I have to go out to ■■■ ■■■■■■ for a few days to install some controllers I programmed. I despise wearing a hard hat, but at least on this job site I get a bright orange vest as well. Ugh. The things I do for money. Speaking of money, I wonder if I have any left... Later skanks.

I am contacting you all from the year two thousand and fabulous five ... oooohhhh. Rang in the thang with a bang, and then a hang ... over. Pacey McSipperson came up to hang out with me. I apologize for the code names, but his massive web of lies has engulfed me. We went out to the Velvet Hookah Thursday with Allison and Noah, and Kieffer showed up. Disaster! The service was the worst I've ever experienced, the drinks were so weak we had to send them back to have them put liquor in them, and my tab was 100 fucking dollars. If I spend 100 dollars at a bar, I expect to at least catch a buzz. I will have to be more weary of the help the next time I go. Owen's friend Joanna's friend Aaron has always been a good bartender, and he's more fun to look at.

After all that nonsense we went out to the bars and got drunk. I accidentally didn't make it to work at all on Friday, which is an unprecedented first for me (at this particular job). I hope no one noticed. I might have to sacrifice a vacation day if they did. That or be fired, whichever. Friday was New Years, so Debbie Downer and I went shopping for new outfits. We both got the coolest shirts from Source Paris in the West Village. Everyone go shop there. Their clothes are incredible. Adam was stalking us the entire time.

Went out with the crew, much of the DS Crew was out as well. Hit up Station 4, henceforth to be referred to as S4. There was much revelry to be had, although at midnight I didn't get a kiss. Instead I got a dirty look from Glarin' Thomas right before he ditched me. So now I'm walking around the club by myself looking for my friends. I found them though and all was well in 2005. Next night, much of the same. Went to S4, got ditched by Shady McDitcherson and entertained myself until Glarin' Sean called me over to Round Up. I met a bunch of A&M people so that was fun.

Enough narrative though. To sum it up, I've spent an exorbitant amount of money and drank an unhealthy level of beer, vodka and wine. I also painted two walls in my living area red like my kitchen. I love it. But you have to wait to see it until I finish painting the rest of it tan. It'll look much better then. Get excited!

Last bit of news, I went to this website because they had an advertisement on myspace. It's too fun. Everyone go to Neighborhoodies.com and buy me something. Then we'll see whose hoodie or tshirt fits my personality the best and that person will win. If you need my shipping address let me know.

If there's anything I like more than getting vacation days from work, it's making my own vacation days. Like right now, for instance. I'm totally supposed to be at work, but I'm not. Nor do I intend to go back any time soon. You see, I woke up around 9, on account that I had a lot to drink last night. And since I wasn't at my own apartment, I was significantly tardy to work, but I brought kolaches so nobody cared. Then I took a nap, and when I woke up, I realized that I was sick of being there, so I came home. Get an education, kids, and you too can live this fabulous lifestyle.

I've watched some good ass TV today. First I watched that episode of Saved By The Bell where they drink at the toga party and then Zach wrecks Lisa's mom's car. It was really hard hitting. Zach keeps his cell phone in his locker because it's too effing huge to carry it with him. Now I'm watching Jerry Springer: "MY UNCLE STOLE MY WIFE!" It's fantastic. This is what my life has come to. I am going to go back to work eventually, though, so don't worry.

On the way home today, I saw a tricked out Cavalier. A straight up, tricked out, pimped out Chevrolet Cavalier! It was so fucking sweet. It had flames down the side and shit. I am way jealous. After I get back from Australia and have all new furniture, I am so going to mod my Cavy.

This week is absolutely dragging by. There is so little to do at work that I'm basically going to put 40 hours this week on the overhead account. No managers are there, so I just kinda sit and stare at the wall. Good thing I learned how to do this effectively during my first couple months here. I hope every one of my readers is having as big of an impact on the world as me. Laaaaaaaaaate.

The other night when Allison was spending the night I had a dream that was upsetting enough that I decided to come get on my computer and type out what had happened. In case you don't know, I've diagnosed myself with both insomnia and sleep apnea, so when I finally get tired enough to fall asleep, I never really hit REM, which makes for a plethora of fucked up dreams. This is what I typed out at 4am when I woke up:

i was walking along the street when there was this bright light that i fell into
i woke up and i was a soldier on the battle field
when the commanding officer asked me who i was i said 'david f■■■■' but since i had no ID i was arrested for lying
i was in jail and i was asking all kinds of questions about where i was and what was going on
thommi was in jail
i finally discerned that i had fallen into a wormhole and woken up 17 years later at the age of 40
i called matt p■■■ from jail and asked 'are you 40' and he was like 'wow haven't heard from you in forever, yeah im 40'
so now i'm freaked out
start the fragmented nonsequitor portion
edward s■■■■■ was a doctor
my apartment was no longer mine
i got onto my old screen name though
i was excited that i had 17 years worth of movies to watch
i looked in the mirror and saw my face at the age of 40
i asked a lot of questions about everything that had gone on
they were upping the quota of stem cells that were produced
drugs had been completely eradicated
i started to think maybe this wasn't so bad, i had skipped some boring ass parts of life
i talked to keith at work, he used the same phrase he used to use 17 years earlier about wanting me to come work again and he hated working with idiots
he got me my job back at ■■■
my cell phone still worked
my parents called and left a voicemail
i realized they'd been calling me every year on the day of my disappearance
my mother kept repeating 'i told myself i wouldn't do this, i told myself it wouldn't be this hard'
she was crying
i called our old house number hoping it would be the same
she answered
i couldn't speak, the enormity hit me
there was no passage of time for me but her son had gone missing for 17 years
my mouth went dry
'its david'
she angrily, hopefully, emotionally replied 'what?'
'its david' i said again as my voice cracked in tears
'oh my god'
'mother its me david!' ... i woke up speaking these words aloud and crying

You all know how much I hate the rain. And you all know how much I hate the cold. The bastard child of their unholy union is infinitely worse. I fucking hate the snow. I woke up this morning to the sound of sleet against my window, thought, "Fuck that," to myself, and rolled over and went back to sleep. Needless to say, I was about an hour late to work. Then I checked weather.com and saw this massive wall of ice sweeping across the nation, thought, "Fuck that," to myself, and went home.

I was there for all of an hour, most of which I spent learning Chinese from Yue. She found the greatest Chinese restaurant, she claims, but they have separate menus for those who speak their language and for those of us with white skin. I want the good shit, not the white person menu, so I made her teach me how to say, "I can understand you," so I can get some respect when they start talking shit about me in Chinese.

Wa ke yi ming bai ni, bitch.

This little picture collage I made for you are pictures from my bedroom window. So that's not my building, but the building across the street. I have always said, I have the BEST fucking view from my apartment ... if you like water towers. That picture on the far left is of my building, all the little awnings have snow on them. Awwww.

So I spent the day napping, working out, cooking myself food. Just a little Solstice gift from yours truly to yours truly. Now I have off from work until Monday. Thursday the new club, Station 4, opens downtown, then its time to open presents, celebrate the supposed birth of my supposed lord and saviour, jebus h. christ. After that, I should be around to update you all. Have a wonderful holiday, whichever religion, or lack thereof, you prescribe to! Peace on earth, and good will toward me!

HAPPY SOLSTICE!!!!!1! Today it was 70 degrees and the forecast for tomorrow is snow.

Here are some things I've probably told all you at one time or another, but I need to get them out there, because it will make future blogs easier to write.

First, I am giving up drinking for an entire month. I have selected February as my dry month, for the obvious reason that it is the shortest month and I'm concerned that this will be next to impossible for me. There are several reasons that I am doing this. The first of which is that I'm concerned that this wil be next to impossible for me. It's that whole, "I can quit anytime," mentality that gets people into trouble. So I want to make sure I can still quit anytime. I have also been disturbingly unproductive since I moved here. I need to finish decorating and painting and everything. But the biggest reason is that I need money. I am going to see Allison is Australia in July and one alcohol free month will pay for the entire thing. Yeah, its that out of hand.

The fun thing is, February is 28 days long. So I am going recreate Sandra Bullocks commanding performance in 28 Days (not to be confused with its sequel, 28 Days Later).

In foreign news, I might get to go to Sweden for two weeks for work. I don't care if they make me do fucking manual labor in Sweden, it will fucking rawk. It's not certain in the least that I will get to go but I really, really, really hope I do. I've been pretty pushy about it at work, vying for the opportunity.

Lastly, I am never cutting my hair again. Never. Every day that I don't cut my hair, I am happier than the day before. This counteracts the fact that every day that I go to work is worse than the day before. So I am flatlined right now.

I think that's all that I had to report. I've had about 15 conversations during the time that I was typing this so I got a little sidetracked. Time to go to the gym for a cardio day. Whoo hoo. Later, sluts.

I have spent the morning watching X-Men cartoons and Full House re-runs. Does life get any better than this? I'm starting to wonder. My apartment is badass. There is still a lot to do in the way of putting stuff away and decorating and buying a few pieces of furniture, but it is more than adequate in its present state. I love the neighborhood that I live in. Faux-Euro ... what could be more me? The bars within walking distance are great. I went to one called the Velvet Hookah the other night and drank halfpriced martinis and smoked cantaloupe flavored tobacco from a hose.

The job is starting to go really well. After 4 months of pushing the rules, I am almost satisfied with my position. You're not allowed to have facial hair. Your hair cannot fall past your collar, because you're supposed to wear a collar every day. Your retracto-ID badge must be visible at all times. The work day starts at 8am and ends at 5pm with a 1 hour lunch. Well those are the rules that apply to everyone else anyway. The other day I was so hungover from the Velvet Hookah that I left work at 9:30, went home and got in bed. I woke up about 3 hours later feeling much better and went back to work after grabbing some lunch. Nobody even noticed. I am the worst employee ever.

I was afraid that my Grammar Cop section was going to have to end because I've quoted the whole of Dennis DiClaudio's website and was out of material. Fear not, kiddos. I just bought a book the other day called Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation. It's got a picture of a panda bear erasing the comma in the title. Get it? I love this book. Look for hilarious quotes to pop up in the future.

And the final bit of news. I need your opinion on this. In the past month I have heard on a very regular basis that I look like Beck. I have heard it more and more since I've been growing my hair out. I also get David Spade a lot, and since someone told me that last night, it was fresh on the brain. Whadya think? Any similarities? Later, Nerdbombers.

I certainly couldn't go a week without blogging. I haven't done that in ages. Time's a little tight right now because it's midnight and I'm gonna be a wreck at work tomorrow. Big news! I worked 8 hours today. Like actually produced real programming that will be used in a real project for 8 hours. And I'm gonna do it again tomorrow. Things are looking up. So the job, while I still go on the public records as hating it, is looking up. My hair gets longer every day, it's quite shaggy. And I've decided to stop shaving yet again. If I ever hit puberty and the facial hair fills in, I'll let you all see it. My workout routine is going well. I am starting to regain my flexibility, and it feels so good to work out after work. I just need to find some goggles so I can start swimming again.

Went to College Station this weekend. It was pretty fun. Ryan H■■■■ drove and we went and watched Daniel dunk his ring (120 seconds). We "stayed" at Todd's even though I neglected to sleep there either night. We went to Margarita Rocks with Allison, Lindsay, her underage sisters, AllieD, Jennifer, and another pretty girl whose name escapes me. Then we went to a little keg get-together out in the country and Tommy showed up. I shocked Fucking Frank with my lighter. Everyone finally realized why I think it's so funny. From there we hit Northgate. Ran into Roper Joe, that was a blast from the past. Saw Brian and Justin. Owen walked over from campus and Keith was a horrible influence on me. Owen and I got split from the group and decided to take CARPOOL home but it was taking too fucking long so I woke up Marshall and made him take Owen home and then slept in his bed. I'm trying to drop every name possible. If I forgot you, leave a sassy comment and I'll insert you into the list and pretend like you were always there. It will be hilarious.

The next day I was hungover like the entire day. It sucked, but was pretty expected. Lunch with AllieD, back to sleep on Todd's couch the rest of the day. I woke up at 1:30am and had Dustin come pick me up and drank over at his place with Raul. Spent the night on the ground accidentally. Came home the next day. I breezed over a lot of details, obviously, but I had a really great time. Thanks for driving, Ryan!

Whenever I meet someone new, or get someone's screen name for the first time, I always ammend it with a buddy comment. I'm not sure if anyone else uses these but they're a g*dsend to me. I put people's names, jobs, home towns, physical descriptions ... anything I might want to know, or pretend I've remembered later. You should all be using them. Anyway, sometimes the descriptions of someone I've met for the first time, and later become close friends with, are a tad outdated. They tend to be on the insulting side from time to time, so I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by posting names, but one of them that I just edited the other day said, "that impudent little imp." If you want to know if you have a buddy comment, hit me up with an IM.

And in final news, HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY TO TOPHER (known affectionately by some as Yale Boy). I meant to call him at midnight, but then I realized that I don't understand time zones, so I'd better just call him when he gets out of class tomorrow. But this is my proof that I've been thinking about him and did not forget. (And no, I didn't use a buddy comment to remember.) I love you, kid, have a wonderful birthday, a kick@ss summer, and stay cool.

Do you ever just have too much to say? So much so that you don't feel like writing it down. That's what happened to me this past weekend. I decided to just sit on my stories for a while, so details that once seemed monumental are now rather trivial. It will make my blog shorter, and the stories more compact.

First things first. My brothers Stephen and Michael, from Houston and Sacramento, respectively, both visited. Their wives came as well. Stephen brought Kaylyn around so Michael could meet her, to avoid having to introduce himself to her on her 13th birthday. I just loved this picture. I assure you, she was well nutured and attended to all weekend, but this picture is so something my fam would do. 'Ahh, just prop her up, she'll be alright.' It was cute though. It was really good to see everyone that came to dinner on Friday night. I supplied the dessert -- peach cobbler from Marshall's BBQ. Oh man, is it ever good. I made everyone try it, even if they didn't want to. I also passed around my shock lighter. That was some good entertainment there. By the end of the night, we had 11 people around the table holding hands, while Stephen and I grabbed the lighter simultaneously. Everyone around the circle felt the shock. It was hilarious.

That night I went out to the bars, but wasn't really having much fun. Ryan S■■■ and I decided to just go back to his place and go to sleep. When we got there, however, I coerced him into having one drink before bed. Which turned into two ... then three ... then we lost count. Much squeezy vodka was ingested despite Ryan's attempt to fall asleep. We watched Romy and Michele's High School Reunion, our favorite movie. Since the last time I saw it, I learned all the state capitals. So when they're at the reunion and Toby Dumbfuck asks them to name all the capitals and the Frinkazoid starts off with 'Albuquerque' I KNEW that was NOT the capital of New Mexico, because everyone knows that's Santa Fe. So we called everyone we knew to tell them that and even convinced Jason and Levi to come have a drink with us. We were beyond wasted, but obviously so much fun.

Saturday night I went out with Lil Jarrod. We had a blast. He is one of my new favs ... too funny. It was so damn crowded because this weekend was Pride. You could barely move and getting a drink was an impossibility. Ryan S■■■ got fed up with the crowds and left unannounced, so our plan to stay at his place overnight was soon liquidated. Bob and his brother and friends were in the bars too. Too good to see him! We had fun all night long and then set about trying to decide where to go. Even though I had like three Long Islands and about six beers, I was feeling adventurous so we turned toward Plano. But I can't go home because my parents set a big wake-up-the-neighborhood alarm when they go to bed. So we eventually ended up in Lewisville at Lil Jarrod's apartment. I slept on his couch and hope I didn't scare his sister in the morning. I don't think I did though because she was quite lovely and it was nice to meet her.

From there we went back downtown to the Pride Parade. I'm sorry, but I love Pride. I don't care how many people are too cool for school. It is my favorite holy day, second only to Thanksgiving. I fought for beads as best I could, and even caught some, a feat not to be overlooked. I got some sun -- so hot, saw tons of people I knew, hung out with Lil Jarrod and Marc, got to go to Hamburger Mary's for the first time and meet some new people. All in all it was a wonderful day. I was sunburned and exhausted when I got home, and since then I have been in the most inane training class at work. It is downright painful. But, persevere I will.

This weekend I am going to College Station with Ryan H■■■■. We are going to watch some ring dunkings. I'm not positive who it was but I wanna say Daniel. So I won't have my car but I will have my phone so call me and meet up with. Alright, sluts, I'm out of here. I gotta go work out because I'm morbidly obese. Peace!

I think happy hour may be the greatest invention of all time. Eat your heart out, Albert Einstein! I've endulged perhaps a bit too much in the 5:00 festivities this week, but it has been well worth it. The first night, I was coaxed out by Greg because Mercy Wine Bar in Addison was giving away a free glass of wine to all Addison Circle residents. Okay, I don't officially live there yet, but close enough. This place is fancy schmancy, I fell in love. And Greg is so fun and high class that the two just melded perfectly. We had some cheese that I didn't care for and a glass of red wine. It was tres chic, but we realized the flier said "Complimentary beverage." Emphasis on the singular nature of the offer. We drink to get drunk, so obviously we're not going to stop after one drink.

We walked next door to the Blue Mesa Grill and with a little prodding and hand holding I finally convinced Greg to go get a free quesadilla. We had a couple of Miller Light drafts, got sick of waiting on the dreadful service, threw some cash on the table and walked out. Never one to disappoint a loyal Sidesho-Viewer, I just felt I had to inform you all of how fun Greg is.

Luckily, I had already made plans for the following evening to meet up with Miles for a wine tasting Wednesday. You pay $35 and get to try six different wines. It was tres fab, tres chic, tres educational. We learned all kinds of great ways to describe a wine like 'earthy,' 'huge,' 'fruity,' 'acidic,' 'oakey,' 'peppery,' and 'smooth'. I may or may not have been able to come upon these flavors myself, but to date the most descriptive I've ever gotten with my wine was 'boxed.'

I think I learned a lot, though, and it was a total blast. We were admittedly novices to the game, but we weren't as bad as our new friend Kara who was sitting on the patio straight up reading a book titled Wine for Women. She was in from Minnesota on business and we struck up a conversation about wines. She ended up being the coolest chick ever. After our six wines were over and done, and she had finished what she'd ordered, the three of us split a bottle. A cabernet, if you must know. It was huge. So I drank a little more than I probably should have and opted to go back to Miles' apartment for a couple of glasses of water. I didn't know there would be entertainment too! Apparently our friend Miles is quite proficient on the piano and we shared a few tunes. We ran out of songs that we both knew eventually when I realized it was 12:30am. This is the latest and drunkest I have ever been on a school night. So I high tailed it home.

Boy did I pay for it this morning. I had to go through this training course that I've been in all week with a wine hangover. And I was operating on no sleep. I ended up sleeping away the afternoon and getting called out on it in front of everybody. Fuck. Oh well, luckily I couldn't care less. I have this feeling there were more stories for all of you, but they'll have to wait. It looks like I'm not going to Austin this weekend after all, but still want to wish Brandon a very, very, very happy 21st birthday. He turned 21 on Tuesday. I'm sorry I won't be able to attend his party, but I'll be down on Oct. 2nd for Mitch and Steve so it's all good. The moral of the story? Everybody, grab a friend and get out to Mercy Wine Bar in Addison.

And invite me, too.

Tomorrow is going to be so fun. Despite the fact that I have to get up extra early for a branch meeting that pertains to nothing I do, I have my own fun cooked up. I got a package today that I ordered off the internet. Its contents are:

• one stapler ... that shocks the shit out of you when you close it
• one pen ... that shocks the shit out of you when you click it
• one lighter ... that shocks the shit out of you when you flick it
• one beer can ... that shocks the shit out of you when you pick it up

This has become mine and Trey's new favorite joke at work. He already has the pen. We put up a sheet of paper with everyone's name on it with the title "Trey's Labor Day Party" and hung it outside his cube. Then we attached the shocker pen with a string and everyone's name had two check boxes out beside it for whether or not you would attend. Kind of like a really primitive evite, if you will. Then all day long, we laughed our asses off as one by one, people came up to check next to their names and received a jolt.

Trey also has a little mini slot machine that fits in the palm of your hand. The entire casing is naturally made of conductive metal. When you pull the handle it shocks the shit out of you. That one's fun because you can get people to do it without any prompting, just by setting it out. So we're going to litter our cubes with electrified items. I realize it may only sound mildly amusing in print, but imagine yourself in a stuffy office with a boring ass job where the most exciting thing that ever happens is memorizing the 400th digit of pi. That makes it absolutely hilarious.

I was thinking about getting a fish at work, since I get lonely with Tuna at home all day long. I really don't want him to go to work with me though, since he'd just be bored and get all pissy with me. I wanted a red fish, to kinda be his Bizzaro World counterpart. Kind of like a red fish, blue fish, one fish, two fish deal. But I wasn't sure that I was allowed to have a fish and since my cube is DEVOID of any decoration or personality, he would surely stand out. Well these two ladies that I work with came back from lunch today with bettas and I am exceedingly jealous. Even though they're like 50, they were still slinking in the back door so they wouldn't get caught. No one really knows if its allowed, but no one's really asking. So I might have to get another fish sometime soon and sneak him into work real early one day. It would keep me so very entertained.

Last bit of news. I have hitched a ride on the responsibility train. Toot! Toot! I have decided that I spend far too much money on stupid shit when I should be taking advantage of my economical situation by stock piling money. So I'm taking all of my extra cash and putting it into an ING account that has a higher interest rate than my checking account. I haven't exactly stopped spending money recklessly, as I usually do, but I have decided that I am no longer going to buy anything for anybody but me. My apologies to those of you who never got to experience a dinner from me, or drinking on the town with my tab open, but that has just got to stop. If I'm going to waste money, I should at least waste it on me. And in the meantime, maybe save enough for furniture and decorations for my new apartment that I'll eventually get. Maybe even tomorrow! I have an appt with the people at Addison Circle to look at some apartments that will be vacating soon. I hope I find one I like. I love living at home and I could do it forever ... but I can't do it forever. Might as well go on and get the hell on with the rest of my life. It's not like my house will be far away. I can still come home for dinner, or groceries, or bottles of booze or whatever I need. Ha!

I still have an extra ticket to see Mitch Hedberg and Stephen Lynch in Austin on October 2nd since Chevy won my little contest and then declined the prize, so LET ME KNOW if you are interested in going. Also, I have no plans for tomorrow night and it's payday, so I need to get stupid (disregard paragraph above) so somebody invite me out. And finally, to each and every one of you, have a wonderful Friday ... or not, the choice is yours.

I haven't shaved in over two weeks. I was going to try to grow a beard in time for ULDE:IYDKYDG but I think I've decided that it won't be fully grown in in time, so I am going to acquiesce and shave. I might try it again after the party, but I want to be sure I look good. I got a whole new outfit. It's a good thing I'm a total thousandaire or I wouldn't have been able to do that. I am way too excited, Friday can't get here fast enough.

In other news, I have contracted a horrible virus. Or my computer has, rather, before any rumors start. I have decided that I don't want to fuck with it so I'm reformatting my computer. I haven't done this in quite some time and I always get a little sad when I do. But these away messages it makes for me and INCESSANT pop ups are drivin' me nuts! So I thought I'd better update before I do this just in case it goes horribly wrong and I have to throw away my laptop.

I've decided I like my hair. I was a little iffy at first since the bangs are kind of short and it was a dark brown, but now I've found a good way to wear it to work and the brown has faded just a little so it looks more natural. I also don't flat iron it every day anymore so maybe that will allow it to actually grow now. Before I had self servicing hair that would just break off when it reached a certain length, effectively giving me a constant hair cut, one dead, crispy end at a time. I don't really have a route to get there, but I definitely have a destination of where I'd like to be in the future. Trying not to burn my hair off, building up a more impressive wardrobe, and working out are all definitely in the plan though, and all going well.

I will leave you today with a funny story from work. I was in charge of creating these sheets where you could check off that all of these controllers had been programmed and tested and installed correctly and shit. With a place to initial as each step had been accomplished. But then when I was done this guy told me to take them to the jobs' respective engineers so they could "pencil whip" them. I was like, "What the hell does pencil whip mean? Is that kinky?" and he laughed and said, "No, it's nothing dirty." So I'm thinking that to pencil whip a document means to put your signiture on it, or maybe to fill it out. So when I'm done, I email all the people involved (like a whole department) and send out electronic copies of the files and say that this guy would appreciate it if you could pencil whip these and return them to him.

The next day, Trey read the email and started laughing. Apparently, "pencil whip" means to fill out a sheet of paper with falsified information, highly unethical, definitely frowned upon and I had just outted this guy as a pencil whipper. Whoopsie! I thought it was hysterical though. On that note, I'm off to reformat! Wish me luck, fuckers!

Last night was delightful. I got to go to Clay's house in this magical neighborhood surrounded by castlegates, drawbridges, magik and mystery. He had read my blog on having too many items in my pockets (07/24/2004: My daily inventory) and brought me a stylish euro man bag from Spain! How cool is that. Thank you, Clay, I copyright my new man bag. He also brought with him a bottle of the forbidden, therefore more desirable, Absinthe. The way we drank it was so cool. First you put some in a glass with ice. Then you take a spoonful of sugar, dip it into the alcohol, and then light the spoon on fire. As the sugar melts you let it drip back down into the glass. When it has sufficiently melted, you stir it all up until it's milky and add water. I really enjoyed my first experience. In a nutshell, it tasted exactly like liquid black licorice. Nothinkg to write home about ... but certain something to blog about.

Work today was so pointless. I know that my work ethic is a well known and often lamented fact of engineering lore, but I honestly believe I'm a hard worker. When I have something to do and it needs to get done, boy howdy, I'll get it done for you, and quick. I'll even work late or through the night or on the weekends if it needs be. What I don't do is show up early in the morning to the ghetto to sit on my hands for 5 hours pissing and moaning about the way things are run. I didn't do a fucking thing all day. Oh well, I guess things could have been worse. One thing I noticed today is that the number one goal of everyone on a jobsite is to pass the buck. It doesn't matter what hasn't been done or who was supposed to do it, "It ain't my job."

And a lot of times, people will use the phrase, "... and I told [insert name here] this ..." I heard that about 100 times today. Example: "What we were contracted to do ... and I told Andy this ... is not to run wires." As if having previously told some third party who is not present or involved suddenly adds credibility to your statement. I just think its stupid, and I told Trey this, that I had to wake my ass up at 6am every day this week, yeah I'm doin' the controls down in Oak Cliff.

Tomorrow is my father's birthday. I got him the Die Hard trilogy DVDs and a Winnie the Pooh DVD for when Kaylyn visits. They've been collecting Disney movies for years now in the event of a grandchild, but I don't think she's quite ready for an entire plot, and everybody loves Winnie the Pooh. I just wanted to get him something grandpa-ish (assuming he is going by grandpa and hasn't been renamed Paw-Paw or Pee-Pee or Poo-Poo or something). I also decorated his cake tonight after dinner. I watch Martha do it so much that I thought I would be good at it. I spun that cake around as I smoothed out the icing. Then I did a cool pattern with pecans on top and crushed up some pecans and stuck them to the side of the cake. I worked so hard on it and I was so proud of myself. When I stepped back to admire my work, it looked as though it had been done by a retarded third grader. I should just avoid entirely doing anything with my hands. Well...

Tonight should be fun. I'm ready for anything, and I told Ryan this, so we're going to go to a party. Catch you skillets on the flip side.

Fear not, faithful readers, I have returned unscathed from the depths of the Dallas ghetto. Today, I had to travel to Oakcliff to do some serious manual labor -- on rooftops and in un-air conditioned rooms -- on an air conditioning system for an elementary school that is supposed to open on Monday. I don't see how on earth it could possibly be ready since the fucking thing is severely under construction. Oh wait, I know one way they can expedite the progress ... MAKE ME WORK ALL WEEKEND! This is an unprecedented first. I have never in my life raised a finger to do an ounce of work on a weekend. But as always, before you reer back in laughter, there is an upside. I plan on tacking however much time I take off to the beginning of my August 20th venture to College Station. So I may be there sooner than you realize ... and get paid the whole time! Haha!

Some observations about my day: (1) Nobody speaks English. This is not a racial or cultural slur, as it applies to every shade of construction worker. Those I dealt with today were black, white and hispanic. None of them spoke English. The hispanic workers naturally spoke Spanish, the integrity of their grammar I am at a loss to express. The black workers spoke some true blue ebonics I could not begin to understand. And the white workers spoke with poor, broken English one can only accumulate after a lifetime of disregard for the rules of grammar. It was quite depressing. (2) Thank g*d I attended Plano schools. There were some teachers in another wing of the building getting classrooms ready and speaking amongst themselves. The fact that these fine people were the educators of young children spoke volumes for their poor test scores in the DISD. Also, there was a book in the "library" we sat in for most of the day called Jamie O'Rourke and the Big Potato which I could only assume was the cheaper, less culturally sensitive version of James and the Giant Peach that I used to love so much. (3) As I walked around, I casually commented to myself, "Thank jebus I went to college so I don't have to do this for a living." Then I paused, looked around, and realized ... this is what I do for a living.

On the way home I stopped off at Best Buy and spent another 100 bucks on DVDs. I had to reaffirm to myself why it is I put up with this shit. So this weekend will blow monkey ass, but it should pay off huge dividends in the future. I have to go take a shower now and head to Carrollton to see the prodigal friend, Clay, who has recently arrived in the US from Espania where he's been studying for a year. We're going to sip absynthe and wax nostalgic with the green fairy. I'm sure I'll have plenty more stories for you come Monday. Until then, my friends, Excelsior! Carpe diem! Haha!

The first few weeks of work, I was really careful about not drinking coffee in the morning in an effort to avoid a caffeine dependency. That is completely out the window now. When I get to work, I am a complete wreck. I'm usually so tired that just keeping my eyes open gives me a headache. I usually try to just zone out for about an hour, and then my gal pal, Yue, and I go get coffee. Immediately after taking my first sip, I feel so much better. By the time I am done with the whole mug, I feel right as rain.

Of course, this high only lasts about an hour, so by the time 10:00 rolls around, I am crashing once again. At first I tried to get up and walk around, maybe endulge myself in a morning cigarette to get the ol' heart rate up (yes, smoking is my cardiovascular workout). But ultimately, I've found it works better to just take a quick cat nap. Napping at work has its own tricky requirements ... namely, not getting caught. That is SO unprofessional. I think I've pretty much mastered it, though, which is why I feel qualified to teach this course.

The first thing I figured out is that you MUST turn off your screen saver. There's no bigger give-away than staring at your idle screen. Most people are just going to be cruising by your cube and not even give you half a glance, so as long as something is open on your screen, you're fine. I like to use an Excel spreadsheet, cause its hard to read and looks busy. The other key is to nonchalantly block the direct line of sight anyone might have of your closed eyes. I like to rest my head on my hand, and cover up the exposed side of my face. I also try to sit like this whenever I am not sleeping, so it won't establish any discernable patterns. I also always, always rest my other hand on the mouse. Not only does this keep up the appearance of work, but if someone happens to walk in, you don't have to move a muscle to go from sleep to clicking around on the screen. Very smooth transition.

The last hurdle I couldn't figure out how to overcome was what happens when you have a visitor. It's easy enough to satisfy the passers-by who could give a shit less what I was doing to begin with. But a few times, my friends would walk into my cube and scare the shit out of me. And it is so obvious that you dozed off when someone says something and you jump. But today, I solved the problem. There you have it, folks. A picture is worth all thousand of those lousy words I just purged onto the screen. HEADPHONES! Headphones were the missing key. I put on headphones, but do not listen to music. But everyone thinks I am. Most of the time I will hear them walk in and there is no problem. However, if I've really gone into REM, it is completely justifiable that I didn't hear them come in, because I'm obviously blasting my ears with with something more palatable than the golden oldies coming in over the speakers. Then they generally bang on something, say my name really loud, or touch me on the shoulder ... all three of which would cause any music lover to jump (as if they were sleeping). It's brilliant!

Now all I have to do is make sure my coworkers don't read this site.

Tell me if this is totally evil of me. My boss is a really nice guy. I honestly enjoy working for him. And on top of that, I think he's really smart ... maybe even smarter than me, which means I respect him. Plus, he's pretty lax about just about everything having to do with my work, which is of the utmost importance when you're trying to employ yours truly. The only problem I have with him is his hand. It is completely normal except for one finger that bends 90 degrees at the last knuckle. I hate to be so petty, but for some reason this really bothers me. When he demonstrates a concept with his hands, or uses gestures for emphasis, I feel the blood rush to my face and I get uneasy and queasy. It's awful. I end up making uncomfortably strong eye contact to avoid looking, or I look away, which is never good when you're boss is having a conversation with you. Should I get over it or would that bother anybody else? Not that your opinion matters.

In other news, I came across an old relic of my childhood the other day. It's my first stereo ever, the ol' Gerard. I used to listen to Lisa Loeb "Tails" (the first CD I ever owned) on repeat for weeks at a time on the ol' Gerard. This thing is so badass. The remote has a button for opening and closing the CD tray, but does not have a power button, nor volume control. Because there are many times when you would need to open and close the CD tray from across the room, but rarely if ever would you want to modulate the volume. I decided that instead of tucking it back away in the nether regions from whence it came, I would give it new life. I took a cue from David27 and put the stereo in my bathroom, so I can listen to music in the morning while I'm showering. I just tried it for the first time this morning and it is absolutely heavenly.

Also, it gives new meaning to the phrase, "Rock out with your cock out!" Excelsior!

I am truly torn here, dear viewers. I sure do hate working, but damn it's nice having money. I guess that's how they trap you, like the buzz you get off of your first cigarette. Once you get used to having that money then you want more, and you have to work more to get it, and next thing you know you have a mortgage, thousand dollar car payment, angina and you're buying smokes by the carton.

I bought a carton of cigarettes the other day. In the five years that I've been smoking, I have rarely ever splurged on a carton of cigarettes. Not so much because I'm cheap (obviously) but because I hate committing to smoking all 10 packs, since I am always on the quest to quit. Well, not any more. I realized I'm wasting like a dollar on every pack I don't buy in a carton and that is stupid. Since I am so incredibly thrifty, right? I just dropped $100 on DVDs at Best Buy. I got some classics that were never in my collection just because everyone else has them. I just finished up Office Space and I may pop in Super Troopers until I fall asleep.

At least tomorrow is a Friday. Not that I have anything to look forward to, it's just inherently relaxing to know that you don't have to wake your ass up at 6am every day this week. I may get drunk, but I have no plans. I think Ben and I will go out and have drinks again since we had such a nice time at the Flying Saucer's Trivia Night the other night. And then Friday Brent is having a party that I was on the e-vite revised list for. That should be fun.

In our next episode, ViD will tell you all about his new notepad. Same Sidesho-Time. Same Sidesho-Channel. (Oooh, my first teaser ... melikes.) Czech you skillets latah.

My boss at work had told me that he might be loaning me out to some construction crews in the near future to help out. We do a lot of schools, so there is always a huge rush to get things done toward the end of the summer. It's not construction in the traditional sense, thats just what we call our guys that do installation and testing of our systems. So yesterday, the ol' boss, Andy, walks into my cube with a hard hat and huge grin on his face and says, "What're you doing tomorrow." And I said, "It looks like maybe you had better tell me."

So this morning I arrived in Lewisville at Center Elementary school at 7am equipped with jeans, boots, safety glasses and a hard hat. I was introduced to Garry, who was really cool and was in charge of me for the day. We immediately went up to the roof and started working. At first, I thought to myself, "Wow, this is great, out here in the open air, working with my hands. Fuckin' A." That thought started to wane when the temperature hit about 95 and was completely gone into the 100's. All in all fairness, though, when my brother asked me if it was fun or sucky, I had to answer "both."

My job was to open up the control panel on all of these rooftop air conditioning units. Then I would find the unit on a layout of the building, match its physical label, find its position on the LAN, and then set dip switches on the controller to indicate its address. We did some other shit but that was the majority of my day. The coolest part was I got home at 3. Maybe I do belong in construction. Even though everyone else on the site was like REAAAALLLY a construction guy. We're talking handlebar mustaches, pot bellies, and rawhide skin. I got called an albino a few times. Then there were the obligatory Mexicans baking adobe bricks.

The only problem for me was that the roof was not even. There are two portions of it that are a good 6 feet higher than the rest, and about 11 of the rooftop units were on these two portions. And I had to get up to them. I don't exactly have "ups" but Garry suggested that I stand on a piece of adjacent equipment and then kinda jump up there. I am not some fucking gazelle. I am arthritic and unathletic. BUT, I am a problem solver. There was some kind of equipment about 4 feet from the platform that was about 3 feet tall. Any of you could have stairstepped your way up to the tall portion, but I have zero leg muscles. If I had tried to just hop and skip up there I would have eaten it and ended up with a faceful of gravel. So instead I did a wicked 180 in the air and did a sweet butt plant onto the high level. It was so fucking hilarious but no one was around to see me, so I had to sit and laugh by myself. My brother said the story was hard to understand and that I should illustrate it, so I am going to do just that.

I can't believe how much there is to say, seeing as how I haven't blogged all week. You would have thought that with my birthday and everything I would have been chomping at the bit to tell you all about it, but in classic Sidesho-style I blindsided you all once again with my cunning and prowess. And by "cunning" I mean laziness, and by "prowess" I mean "general malaise."

My birthday was fucking awesome. I mean, I had to work and all, but that wasn't too bad. My coworkers all wished me a happy birthday. After work I went to dinner with my parents at a place called Smith and Wollensky. It was fucking awesome. To sum it all up, they used a crumb duster at the table. I ate and drank until I could barely move. I would venture to say it was the best meal I've ever had. I went to bed just a little early that night.

The next day my coworkers, remiss for having been denied the pleasure of a birthday happy hour, dragged me out to Duke's in Addison. Even though I had vowed publicly long ago to never go there again. I figured happy hour didn't count. Plus they were having their weekly dodgeball tournament and I wanted to see it. The co-s kept me with a beer in my hand the whole time. At one point, someone went to get me a drink while someone went to close out a tab while someone was leaving, and they all decided to get me a beer at once. So I had three full beers in front of me. It was AWESOME. I didn't end up staying to watch dodgeball so I can't tell you if it was cool or not, but I may check it out at some other point. I came home that night to my grandmother, 10 year old girl-cousin, and her 10 year old friend. I barely had time to say hi before I went to bed even earlier than the night before.

Speaking of, the girl-cousin is in my shower right now singing her fucking head off and it's about to use up my last nerve. It was nice to get to see her and get to know her a little bit, but there is a reason I don't hang out with 10 year old girls on a regular basis. Many, many reasons. And my mom has been fighting with my grandma pretty much since she got here ... which I find to be hilarious, because it reminds me a lot of when she and I fight. But it's not very fun for either of them, so that sucks. My dad remains stoic with the glass of Jack on the rocks.

Last night was Katie and Jeff's wedding. Congratufuckinglations you two. They are too cute together, so I braved the cathlick church to watch the blessed event. I went with Ryan S■■■ and we were the ONLY two wearing any color. My outfit was kickass. I got some new chinos from Banana and paired it with this kickass purple shirt and blue/red paisley looking tie. It was a killer combo I'll just say that much. As soon as I get some pictures back from Allison I'll add them to the imaginary picture page I keep promising. Ryan was wearing a pink shirt and a pink tie and we looked stellar. Of course, we were the only ones there who didn't look like we were going to a hoe down. It was so typical. My hair was in a wedding-hawk, a hairstyle I invented just for the wedding.

The reception was ridiculously fun. Much Coronas con lime ingested. Many high school friends and many, many Aggies. A little dancing, a little mingling. Ryan caught the garder ... too funny. After the reception ended almost everyone went to TABC, a bar in Uptown. Chilled, drank a little more. Ryan and I headed to Round-Up to meet up with everyone around closing time. A couple more drinks, to TMC to dance, and then Whataburger! Taquitos at 4am, nothing beats it.

Now here I am upstairs in my room with the door closed trying to avoid everyone for the remainder of the night. I cooked a turkey for dinner ... not exactly of Thanksgiving proportions, but another winner. So I feel I've deserved some quiet time. Sorry for the hiatus, you know I was thinking of you all every moment I was AFK. I'll try to keep you more informed in the future. Crack is whack.

It's way past my bed time, but I wanted to leave you all a quick note to let you know that I am headed back to College Station tomorrow immediately following skipping out of work early while nobody is looking. I can't fucking wait. I know that four weeks doesn't sound like a very long time to be away, but I miss my friends so much. I am beyond excited to go. And I get to stay for three days since we get Monday off. Yay!

Today was a much better day at work. I got a controller and all the software I needed to make an actual like system that we would sell. Of course, all I did was automate the temperature readings in my cubicle, but still, it was fun. Naturally, the real deal is a lot more complicated, but the steps are the same and I'm gonna be really integral to the projects that we do. Maybe, just maybe, and I stress maybe, my job is looking up.

I just realized. Who will feed Tuna while I'm gone? I don't trust my mother. Maybe I'll just feed him tomorrow morning and he'll be pissed when I get home, but he should be alive. And yeah, the pictures are still forthcoming. I'm just really lazy. If you are in College Station at this time, be sure to call me when I'm in town so we can get deeeerunk together. I get my first real paycheck tomorrow. w00t. Now go to bed, you have nots, we have a big day ahead of us!

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention. My birthday is on Tuesday, so start your shopping now during all the great 4th of July sales. Excelsior!

Day two of the real job is in the sack, and I have to report that I have yet to do anything. Both days my supervisor has told me to just "hang out" which is cool in a way but it doesn't exactly pass the time. I spend the days sitting in my cubicle watching the clock counting dollars. I did get to steal away for a little bit today to get new windshield wipers that I am WAY too excited about. Mine were torn to shreds and were frankly a hazard to my health. Now my windshield is like looking through air. I never realized the difference it could make.

Another plus is that I work with the coolest man alive. His name is Trey and he's this old rednek. He's a pretty good programmer and a helluva nice guy. But my favorite thing about him is how slow he talks. You'll just have to catch the live impression to realize how slow it is when I say slow. I swear he takes a good two minutes between every word and it cracks me up. Plus it makes time feel like its just whizzing by.

I just wanted to hit you all up and let you know whats new. I went to Studio on Monday with a bunch of coworkers and had a good time. And then Jay called me tonight and said he'd picked up a shift so I went and kept him company. It has nothing to do with free beer or his hot coworkers, I'm just a nice friend. While I was there this kid came up to the bar to order a drink, and he looked around 12. He had an Oklahoma driver's license and asked if he could have a Long Island Iced Tea in a to go cup. Jay asked him to fill out a unicard application and he was like "oh naw thats cool." It was the funniest thing I'd seen all day.

I also promised you all pictures, and those are coming. A bunch of pictures actually. So many that I didn't feel like doing it tonight. I'm gonna have to thumbnail them all to fit into a blog, but they're wicked fun pictures. Expect those soon. It's way past my bed time. Catch you skillets on the flip siiide.

I am now done with orientation at work. Friday was another good Friday. For the entire three weeks, they'd been telling us about our final exam at the end and how we should be studying a little bit here and there because it was really hard and comprehensive. And of course, none of us studied. In fact, we joked, "I'm not gonna study. I bet when we walk in the door, there's nothing but cake and punch." But in reality, we were all fully expecting a test.

Well, wouldn't ya know, as soon as we opened the door to take our tests, the Recruitment and Development Department yelled out "SURPRISE!" and clapped as they stood behind ... yup, cake and punch. So rad. And then we each had a little card congratulating us, a ■■■ pen, and a ■■■ like leather zipper folder thing. It was pretty cool. We had a good time. And then we all went to happy hour at Blue Mesa Grill. I had several beers and one guy bought a round of 16 shots of tequila. These people are all pretty fun. But they were going out and wanted me to join. Something to do on a Friday night? Rad!

The other night I got really sad about the fact that I was in Dallas. Poor Josh and Nelly Ryan had to talk to me while I was upset. I've really been kind of lonely since I've been back. I have my few friends here and I see them occasionally, but I miss all my friends in College Station. A lot. So to go hang out on a Friday night instead of sitting home and going to bed early was just what I needed. That, and more cowbell. I rawked the hawk for all my coworkers who had never seen it before. I met them all at this guy Keith's apartment and we went to Arriba's for margaritas and daqueries to start with.

There was a group of about eight of us, all heavy drinkers. I'm gonna toss some names around so don't get confused. Keith's stomach was upsetting him from his drink so he asked the waitress if she had any Tums. She didn't. And she was like 18 with a full set of braces. So when Willem's check came he wrote "No Tums, No Tip" and then blackened in a big '0' on the tip line. So as we're leaving this bitch is screaming out the back door, "Real fucking cool." And she obvious thinks it was Keith who wrote it ... who is now peeing behind the truck we rode in and thinks she's pissed that he's pissing. So we got out of there pretty quick and went to Suede. So weird. People just CRAMMED into a tiny bar, no dancing, just drinking. I don't see how people find that fun. But I managed to have an alright time talking to random people. I wish I'd taken my own car though, because when these guys get drunk, they look for a fight. They tried to pick a fight with some dude selling roses. I was like COME ON LET'S GO. It took forever to get back to my car.

When I finally did I was thinking, "Holy shit I don't want to drive back to Plano right now." So I start driving and recognized this street, Thomas, right away. And I'm like, "Oh, score, I am in Ryan S■■■'s neighborhood." So I called his roommate, David, and found his apartment and then fell asleep in his bed. Good thing he didn't come home. So to you, Ryan S■■■, I say thank you. HA!

I have a bunch of pictures that I need to put up on here from the Miami trip and from orientation when we went to the top of a 49 story building downtown, but that will have to wait for another blog. Laaaaaaaaaaaaate.

I hate working. I mean, while I'm there, it's not so bad. Sometimes the hours absolutely drag by and sometimes I'm done before I realized it was getting close to quittin' time. I have another piece of flair the Nazi's make me wear. This one's a cell phone. My whole life I have hated cell phones clipped to belts more than I hate Jessica Simpson (and her little sister now too). But, in keeping with the theme of turning myself into all the things I've always despised, I wear it obligingly. It's way too big to keep in my pocket because its one of those Nextel walkie-talkie things -- which I also hate.

Some other things that suck, and then we'll move on to more fun topics. We're getting this etiquette class three times this week and basically all they needed to do was hand out a piece of paper saying, "David you don't belong here." They presented themselves as this ultra-hip, young cultured company, but now they're impressing on us the need to look like mission control engineers from the 1960's. Fuck that. I'm not taking out my earrings. That's ridiculous. All I do all day is sit in a cubicle. And they keep saying things like, "If you're not married yet, when you do get married you'll want to eat with proper etiquette. And guys especially when you take a girl out." I know that's petty, but they make comments like these all day long constantly ... everyone does. It would be nice to not feel alienated for like five minutes.

So the fun topics I promised: This weekend, my first weekend in Dallas, could not have been better. Ryan S■■■ was having a party Saturday night, and I was on the ol' invite list. I went over to his house early so I could get ready to go out without the criticism of the matriarch. I helped him put lids on the obscene amount of jello shots and then people started showing up. JonS■■■ from College Station just happened to be in town and called me to see if I was doing anything, so I invited him to join me. I was grateful for him being there since I only knew a few cats and it was a little intimidating. There were like 70 queers sardined into Ryan S■■■'s apartment. It was great. But it did get a little stuffy and hot (I should take a look at his HVAC system) so we moved the party to the bars. Starting off at JR's, JonS■■■ and I proceed to drink Pink Cape Cods like they were goin out of style. Then we stumbled over to the Village with a couple strangers and danced and drank some more. Neither of us remember the rest of the night clearly but I think it ended with us buying a shot and not having enough money, so we left.

Not much else of note happened, but hazy stumblings and drunken ramblings with people we did not know. We made it back to Ryan's where he and his brother were waiting for us to take them to ... where else? ... Whataburger! Fantastic. I spent the night at Ryan's cause I'm a lush and my mother didn't want me to drive home if I'd been drinking. I was happy to oblige. The next day we woke up and went to visit Ryan S■■■'s friend, Greg, who lives in Addison Circle, where Ryan thought I might like to live. He was RIGHT! I fell in love. That's totally where I'm moving when I can afford it, which should be shortly. My first paycheck comes tomorrow -- can't fuckin wait. After we ate lunch and toured Greg's apartment we went and met up with Brent to go to a movie. So Ryan, Greg, Brent and I all rode to Stonebriar and met up with Chris Jones to see Stepford Wives, which I did not want to see, but I did want to meet new friends so I went. IT SUCKED. Real bad. Don't see it. Anyway, I just wanted to graciously thank Ryan, Greg, Brent and Chris for such a great time.

So that is what has been going on. Once I move out of my parent's house and get my own dedicated internet connection, I'll probably be more prone to get back into the updating swing of things, but as it is, I have precious little time to plug in and I don't always want to spend it narrating the past. But do keep checking back and emailing me and stuff, all the contact with my former life is a good thing. Peace out, have nots.

I was so excited to get home and blog so I could tell you all that today was the first day of work that I actually enjoyed. I was gonna tell you funny anecdotes about the people I work with and how funny a couple of them are. I was gonna tell you that I caught them all having a conversation when they thought I was out of the room about how hilarious I am and they love the way I tell jokes and stories with a straight face and then slowly smile to indicate that it was supposed to be humorous. I was gonna tell you all about how we went to lunch as a big group today to a pizza place and how I got mocked for eating nothing but dry, green veggies and water. BUT INSTEAD, I have a much, much better story to tell you. Read the next paragraph in your head with the voice of a large, elderly, black woman:

Yeah, I was getting bored in Baltimore so I rented me a car from Enterprise ... Cadillac Snoop DeVille! By the time I got to Addison, I had to stop in to have my car tuned up. Then it was off to Whole Foods where I bought all the supplies for the best family reunion ever. Best thing is ... it was all free! Well, for me at least. HahaHAHAHABELCHHAHAHA!!!!1!!

Yes, my friends, this reenactment of everyone's favorite new credit card commercials is an accurate portrayal of my recent experiences. I decided I was financially stable enough to order myself a new credit card. It has been like 8 months since I last had a piece of plastic with my account number on it or used my credit card number to buy anything IRL or online. The only charges going to my account were my cell phone, webpage, Time Life subscriptions, and website memberships. Then all of a sudden when I go to order a new card, they say I owe more than $800. What?! So I went online to look into it.

Somebody rented a car in Baltimore and managed to make it down to Addison within two days. Not sure what that's about but my brother said that sometimes people will share stolen card numbers with others, so maybe that's what happened. Then they went to a gas station in Addison twice. I was gonna report the exact dollar amounts but it appears they are on the ball and have already deleted my account information. That totalled about $300. They also made two trips to the Whole Foods Market in Plano totaling like $400. All I can say is that I hope this person was either DOWN and OUT and this fixed their car and allowed them to feed their family. Or that it was some punk kid who bought 300 dollars worth of cigarettes and 400 dollars worth of beer and threw a KICKASS party. Regardless, it was free for me too. They were unusually helpful and quick to believe I didn't make the charges, which is cool. They are sending me a new card with a new number and all I have to do is make sure to alert T-Mobile and Earthlink that I have a new account. Sweet!

I'm really excited to have had the opportunity to be a victim of identity theft. Even though I'm baffled as to how they got my number since I cut up the card so long ago and haven't even known the number myself. C'est la vie! The weekend is here! I've never looked forward to a weekend more in my life. I think tonight I'll go to bed and tomorrow sleep in! Then I'll drink a whole bunch. I miss you and love you if you're back in College Station, otherwise I just love you. Laaaaaaaaaaate.

First and foremost, I want to apologize to the 6,734,381 loyal Sidesho-Viewers who asked me how work is. I had neither the patience nor the energy to answer you all individually with the same exact stories so I figured I would wait until I blogged to answer you all at once. It was nothing personal, I assure you. But first, just look at what I've become:

In short, work sucks. It's not like I'm shocked at this fact, I knew it was going to, but DAMN, it sucks. (And just as a side note, any of you that might find it like sweet vindication that I now have to get up at 6am everyday whereas every other job I've had was pretty lenient ... I'm still making like 5X as much as you ... so HA!) We spent the first day in what can only be described as a 9 hour meeting listening to boring person after boring person drone on about company policies and benefits and shit. We didn't get to leave this board room all day ... they even catered us lunch at our seats. THANKS!

To be fair though, there are 16 new-hires including me and everyone is really cool. Unfortunately, I won't be working with any of them, since I was the only one hired on to do any engineering. The rest are quality assurance, energy savings, sales and recruiters. But I guess I will see them around the office. I can kind of tell that they interviewed based upon personality because all of us immediately clicked and have really had fun making jokes about all the stuff we're going through.

Tomorrow I get to dress business casual ... thank g*d! I've been running home every day and throwing my suit on the floor. I can't stand it. My parents have been out of town and will be til Friday, so thats been nice to not to have to answer a million questions every day when I get home. And I found out a new way to take to work that will cut I-35 completely out of my commute, which is great.

I think this job is gonna get better, its just gonna take time. This orientation shit goes on for 3 weeks and I'm in training for at least 6 months. So I don't really know what I do but everyone keeps telling me they're glad I'm there because there's "Lots of work to do!" They won't let me download AIM at work either. Damn. There goes all my fun. But really, its not all that exciting so I have very little to report, but as soon as I get acclimated I'm sure it will be as hilarious as Dilbert!

The room was a haze, her steps heavy with drunken determination. She stood at the doorway and gazed out, seeing double. The rain fell in sheets outside, and not wanting to endure the downpour, she retreated back into the club. She looked left to read a poster, but abandoned such hope as the words melted together. She looked right with disgust at the lowly bartenders shooting disapproving leers. She should have been looking down, because unbeknownst to her, the floor ended in a cascade of stairs she had walked up and down a hundred times before.

The floor jumped up from out of nowhere, knocking her sideways as her purse regurgitated its belongings. She looked up to notice lights on the far wall, and soon realized she had hit the floor. Dazed, she felt herself lift up under the close watch of two of her friends. And then, it was time to leave.

Okay, enough with the narrative stylings of your favorite Sidesho attraction. I just promised Leslie that I would find a creative spin on the fact that she ate it hardcore in the middle of Boyz Cellar. That was the only way I could procure permission to even tell the story. Those of you who know her won't be surprised ... those of you who have met her won't be surprised ... those of you who know of her won't be surprised ... those of you who read this site a lot won't be surprised ... but everyone else will be fucking floored!

We had to leave early that night, but luckily our knight in shining armor, Brandon, was there to save the day and drive us back to Round Rock so we didn't have to wait in the rain for a taxi. "We" was Leslie, Jon S■■■ and yours truly. It was still relatively early and the rest of us were relatively sober so Jon and I sat up drinking beers and discussing politics. Lesbie Ann joined us for a spell but retired before we did. The next day we woke up and had lunch and then I hit the road for Brandon's house.

He fumbled about for a bit, not wanting to extend the good bye, just delay it. A furtive look about at his surroundings and he fixated on her. He was leaving her, and didn't know when he would see her again. A moment. Hugs and pleasantries exchanged, he strode to the car and waved a final time.

Ehh, I had to give my embarassing moment some granduer as well. It was then that our everyman realized he'd locked his fucking keys in his car. What happened was I put Tuna in the car in his Taco Bell traveling cup, but didn't want him to swelter while I was saying goodbye to Leslie so I reached in and cranked on the AC and then shut the door ... but not before remembering to lock it. So I stood outside of Leslie's for like 30 minutes as my gas ran out for 2 bucks a fucking gallon. Luckily, I had turned on the AC (although that was the problem in the first place) because Tuna would have died. So I remained calm.

I finally got on the road and made it to Brandon's house, and we went to the mall. I got to see where he works. Then we got all cute and headed out to the Pride Parade. I had no idea that it was pride, but whatever, I just go with the flow. Ran into my old pal Craig and my older pals Rossi and Brad, so that was cool. Danced the night away, but didn't get drunk. Today I drove back to Dallas amidst throngs of biking enthusiasts and it took almost 5 hours. Now its pouring rain and my first day of work is tomorrow. I'm nervous and should be in bed, but I wanted to fill everyone in on the last weekend of freedom I will ever experience ... well, until I get fired for going to work drunk. But hopefully that won't be for many days.

Wish me luck, I'm sure I'll update tomorrow with hilarious antics from the office ... Since now I have my degree, and I do engineering in my engineering office. Bah. Laaaaaaaaate you have nots.

Welcome to June, everybody. The date of my departure is nigh. I'm thinking I'm gonna go to Austin on Friday to stay with Leslie and hang out with Brandon and then head back to Dallas to await my start date. I have to be at work at 8am. This is going to be quite a challenge. The only way its going to possibly happen is if I'm in bed by 10pm. I'm not sure I'm ready for that lifestyle, though if you asked my body it would probably disagree. Who knows, though. Maybe work will just be a blast. I'm getting to do design instead of installation so that is good news.

Two nights ago, Allison and I got krunk on Coors and sat out back of Northgate drinking our free beer. On the way home, I was absolutely starving, as I've been saving money by only eating once a day whilst in College Station. We decided to stop through Whataburger (duh!). I just wanted to let you all know that this is a possibility, in case it had not occured to you previously. We got four bacon, egg and cheese AND sausage AND potato taquitos. Omega, get excited. They were incredible. And when I saw my friend who now recognizes me at Whataburger, I told her, "Oh yeah and also throw in a handful of fries for free." And she did! How fucking rad is that. I love her. I had to tell this story since there was a request for it on the last post.

You know what I was thinking about the other day? When you just kind of meet someone one day but don't really know them ... but every time you run into them you're obliged to say hello. And we call these people "Hi" buddies. Well when I'm online, I have "Hey. Sup? NM. Coo." buddies. Chew on that.

So much has happened since last we met, faithful Sidesho-Viewers. I apologize half-heartedly for the impromptu hiatus from the blog. Since last we met, a couple of very exciting and life-altering things have taken place in my life. Let's discuss, shall we?

First things first, I graduated from Texas A&M with a Bachelor of Science degree in Engineering Technology. Whoop. This might just be a piece of paper with my name on it, but it is also my ticket out of here. You see, that company that finally called me back have made their official offer and I have accepted. It's off to the Big D for yours truly. Any of you that have followed my webpage have only ever read about my many adventures while living in College Station (unless you are a VERY long time viewer and remember Chicken Cherry Cola or If I Had My Own Domain, It'd Be Vid.com). Now we're all going to have to make this move together as I transplant my life back to Dallas. Ironic, isn't it ... that the one child that probably wanted to get away the most has traveled the least, as the crow flies.

At the onset, I am going to move back in with my parents. This will keep me from having to go and find an apartment right away. I'm not sure if I want to live in Carrollton right close to the office, or if I might like to live downtown, or somewhere else. So this will give me an opportunity to see if I have a social life in Dallas and where the epicenter of that is. It also keeps me from having to pay rent. Which is a good thing. As long as I am staying at home, every dime I make is pure profit. So I want to save up for at least a couple of months just to have some money to stand on before I try to move out on my own and start accumulating nice things.

Since graduation all I've done is eat, sleep and drink. And its surprising how having NOTHING to do can keep you so busy. I am moving out of my apartment on Thursday. So I'll no longer live here. I think Friday, Allison and I are going to float the Guadalupe again, and then Monday, maybe flying to Miami. Our plans have changed slightly and may no longer include California. We shall see.

And last but not least ... HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARSHALL!!!!1!!!!!

Free at last. Free at last. Thank g*d almighty, free at last.

I guess thats the last time I'll get to utter those words in response to the end of a semester. That's right kids, you heard me right. I am DONE with college. I just wrapped up my final doc for my final project. I need to go to Copy Corner when they open at 7am and have it printed and then turn it in and that's that. It's an odd feeling. Graduation is on Friday at 9am at Reed Arena, if anybody feels like coming.

I was pretty stoked about my plan to just be a bum and try to figure out what the hell I was going to do with my future. Then as luck would have it, I received this email from ■■■■■ (that company I interviewed with):

Dear David,

Good afternoon! As a follow up to the phone message I left today, I am writing to let you know that we are very interested in moving forward in our hiring for the project engineer position, and you are a top candidate we are strongly considering. Please let me know as soon as possible what your employment status is and if you are still available to be considered by ■■■. Thank you!

I told them I was still interested. We'll see what comes of that. They haven't made an offer or anything yet. Sigh, I am so tired but unable to go to bed just yet. I can't wait to be done so I can sleep all day. I slept all day yesterday but it didn't help much. By the time I went to bed I had been awake and working for roughly 80 hours. I took one final, gave a presentation, finished a project (well, Owen did), wrote 5 papers, and finished a takehome final in that time. Our presentation went wonderfully. Its looking like I'm really graduating.

Pretty soon I'll be leaving College Station. Seems like it will be for good. It's odd. For five years all I've wanted to do is leave. And now that I'm leaving, I'm not sure I'm ready. But I'll tell you what I am ready for. Tomorrow Allison and I are going to the Association of Former Students party to get stickers for our cars, and then we're getting all snazzy and having dinner at Mesina Hof. That was one of our other goals before we left ... eating at Christophers and Mesina Hof. It's going to be so good. I love rawkin' the Hof. Then its drinky drinky time. I hope I'm not too tired.

Can't think of what else I had to say, but I wanted to let you all know whats been going on. My whole family will be in town on Thursday, Friday and Saturday, but I'm hoping to sneak away for some just-graduated-college style partying, so hit me up if you want to join (and buy the first round whooaahh). Later you have-nots!

Ugh, interviewing is so stupid. I drove to Dallas on Monday afternoon, to avoid having to drive in the dark, which you all know I hate to do. I got there in time to help my mom make dinner and then eat with my parents. I was so tired from waking up early to go to class that I fell asleep around 10:00. I was happy I went to class though because we got our midterms back. I set another curve. I am a genius.

I tried to sleep in since my interview was at 11:30 but I was unable to do so. I guess I was nervous even though once I got there I really wasn't. I was interviewing with another guy from my major. The first thing we did was go to lunch with two guys. They took us to Saltgrass and we ate steaks. Yum. They took our resumes with them and asked us questions about projects we'd worked on and stuff, but mostly just shot the shit. After lunch I met with 3 other men who were interviewing me. Although, it seemed like they were more just looking for someone to talk to than actually interviewing. They asked me a few stupid questions, but mostly let me talk about projects I've been involved in, and talked about themselves and projects that they've done.

The company is really cool and I've decided that I want the job. They do automation systems for buildings. They do a lot of school districts, but more glamorous jobs include the Rockerfeller Center in New York, the Sears Tower in Chicago, and some building over in Japan that is supposedly the tallest building in the world. I thought they just automated lights, HVAC and security, but they do so much more. For instance, a guy shows up to work at 5am, scans his card. His office immediately sets to his preferred temperature, the lights turn on, and the elevator is waiting at the lobby already set to take him to his floor. On top of that, if a laptop turns up missing, they can track his progress throughout the building to see if he was a suspect. Also, if the fire alarm goes off, they have a complete record of who got out of the building, and who was left inside ... as well as where they are. It seems like these are really advanced systems. Like you can't just set the temperature to 72 and go with it. They also would set up occupancy sensors to make sure that they aren't wasting money cooling a vacant room. And they would probably include a CO2 sensor to make sure that the room wasn't getting stuffy with recirculated air and mix in some outside air. It seems like a really cool job and I hope I get it. I will know by April 16th. Regardless, they paid me 32 cents a mile to come see them so I'm gonna get a check for about $130 in the mail soon. Yippee.

I still haven't worked on my big project. I stood up Christina Lee on accident this morning to work on it and now I have a presentation to prepare for in my senior design class. We really didn't do much over Spring Break so I dunno what we're gonna talk about. We'll figure it out though, we always do. Hope all is well with you sluts, catch you on the flip side. Laaaaaaate.

Another Spring Break come and gone. My last Spring Break ever, as a matter of fact. How depressing. I had a pretty good time doing nothing even though I should have been doing a helluva lot. I'm worried about this one class because I still haven't finished the project that was due last week. They've extended the deadline another week, but I'm not going to be here for the first part of it. Tomorrow I have to drive home so I can go to my second interview with ■■■■■ on Tuesday morning. I'm not really excited about being interviewed. The whole process is somewhat retarded albeit necessary. I don't really want the job, but I'll take it if they offer. My brother said I could stay with him after graduation for a couple weeks if I wanted and my sister said I could move in indefinitely, so at least I won't be homeless ... and by "homeless" I mean "living at home."

I spent the weekend gettin drunk with the SideshoGang. We drank so much beer last night but we also ate a shitload of food so it was hard to catch a buzz. I think I fell asleep around 5, who knows. Now I'm just hanging over at my apartment with the AC on full blast. I always get so hot when I'm hungover, and my stupid hangover mask doesn't stay cold for very long against my hot forehead. 27 is on his way home finally, so that should keep me entertained until tomorrow. Ugh, I hate road trips. Peace out, sluts.

I had my first big-boy interview yesterday. It was with a company called ■■■■■ even though I don't know what that stands for. Anyway, they make automated systems (just like me!). We were sitting in class on Tuesday when my prof said that whoever didn't go to this luncheon had to take a quiz, so we all went to go eat. I was done eating and decided I wanted a free pen, being as I love free pens. I got busted trying to steal one and had to talk to this woman about the company. Bear in mind, I am wearing my safety pinned sweatshirt and had my hair gloriously hawked.

Turns out their company was right up my alley and my senior project (which she had heard about) was in keeping with what they do so she told me to send her my resume and she would get me an interview. Lo and behold, not 24 hours later, there I am in the interviewing room in a new suit (yes, a suit). I think it went really well. I'm pretty stoked about it. If they make any offer, I'll probably take it. What a load off.

Then this morning I had to return to take their written exam. Gimme a break. They make all applicants take a test that goes over math, grammar, and personality. It was supposed to take at least 2 and a half hours (the untimed portion), but I finished the whole fucking thing in about an hour. It was ridiculously easy. All of the algebra and word problems were a total cinch, I wouldn't have used a calculator on them even if I had had one. Then the grammar came. That was even easier. They gave me a sentence to find the error in ... like:

But, if any of you have ever had a paper proofread, editted, or, god forbid, graded by me, then you know that it looked more like this in my head:

I breezed through that rather quickly determining which were complete sentences and which were fragments (something I've become quite good at after working with Sean) and deciding which version of (to/too) was correct (something Marshall would have certainly failed).

So that's my good news for now. I will keep you posted on the employment status of your favorite sidesho attraction. Peace out you have nots, and don't have to much fun.

Oh yeah: I almost forgot to mention. There was also a handwriting portion to the test. Which I also aced. Laaaaaaaaaaaate.

Pertinent information for everyone to know? Let's see. I backed into my neighbor in the parking lot. Or we backed into each other, rather. Her name is Erin. She was a delightful girl with a scratched up, cracked bumper. I bought the Nelly Fruit-ado CD because I want to be like Marshall. I saw Flock of Seagulls reunite. They weren't as good as they used to be and their hair is nowhere near its former radness. I almost went out like that the other night. Ryan S■■■ gets to meet Cameron F■■■ in 4 weeks and I am jealous. Tommy and I started working out, my chest and triceps are very sore. And I haven't smoked in three days. I lost my job at the space center, damn politics. But I already scored a new profession in the web design business once I learn how to do what these rich old men want. My new songs of the day all fucking rawk. I talked to Steve-o last night for the first time in months. He works at Central Market in Austin and has a mohawk. My professor sent out an email to have an impromptu class period today. Is he allowed to do that? I'm already tired of school even though I've only been to about 1.5 total hours of class. I can't stay awake for more than 30 minutes. My wonderful yoga teacher from last semester forced me back into her class. She is lovely. Peace, I'm outta here.

Last night I spent the better part of the evening making pajama pants for Josh. He went with me to Hobby Lobby a while back so I could get some fabric to piece back together a pair of jeans I tore up when I was drunk, the same pair given to me by MattyK after I ripped them up for him (also while drunk). So Josh sees two prints of Dr. Seuss fabric and I mention that I can turn it into pajama pants, but he can't decide on the green or the blue. He ended up getting both, and I fashioned them so one leg is green and the other is blue. You know I have an affinity for asymetrical clothing. They are so kickass. I want to keep them for myself. As soon as he gets his skinny ass over here to try them on so I can make them the right size and length, I'll get a picture of him wearing them for you all. I am too crafty for my own good.

So this took me up until about 2am, at which point I realized I was never going to be able to get up for my 8:00. I haven't been since the last test that I waxed, so I figured I would drop in for the supposed review. Owen was already planning on staying up until class so I decided to do the same. Monkey see, monkey do. But I was bored and drifting so I decided to drive out to Boob's house and join the SideshoGang in their revelry for the night. We had a good time, watched some movies like Ellen Degeneres's stand up. Way too funny. Everyone was passing out around 5 but I knew that I could not join in. Rick was pissed the TV was still on and Kyle was telling me to turn it off as well. So I did, and I laid down, but I did long division in my head to stay away. I took 1/31 out to like 10 decimal places. HA!

I managed, somehow, to stay awake and left to get ready for class around 7. I showered and got on the bus and arrived a little early. Owen and I were joined by two other guys in our class of like 50 people, and around 8:10 realized that we probably had a walk that neither of us had heard about. Thanks for giving me the heads up, if any bitches in my class are reading this. Preciate that. So I came home with every intention of going to work, but instead my head hit the pillow and I was out for the count until about 2 when James called. We went and had a little good clean fun and now here I am again. I'm actually on my laptop right now. I decided to go ahead and install Windows XP Home instead of digging around for my XP Pro CD since my PC has decided to freeze every time I send and instant message now, and I was feeling quite unplugged.

Tonight I have to start getting serious about school work and make a cheat sheet for my control systems exam. That is going to be a doozy. I have two exams on Friday and I have got to find my way into work somehow during this week or I'm gonna get fired. I also need to go buy a turkey today or its not going to be thawed by the time Thanksgiving rolls around. I hope none of you are forgetting about Thanksgiving. It is this Wednesday (as in two days from now) and I'm shooting for around 7pm. That way, we can gorge and then get drunk, and Thursday is a dead day. Good plan eh? Not many people have RSVP'ed ... in fact, none have ... so if you think are coming, I would appreciate an IM. You can come regardless, but it would be nice to know how many people to expect. Even if its just me, I won't care. I'll just eat the turkey with my hands like a caveman. I've always wanted to do that.

I got my happy ass up this morning at 7am, got ready, and went to school. I haven't been to my 8 o'clock in so long, so I was overjoyed to find that I had arrived on the very day that we were having our first quiz. Hurrah! Not so fast, my overzealous readers... As it turns out, I didn't have the first clue how to answer either of the 5 point questions. Nonplussed as ever about this situation that I've found myself in many times before, I busted out the crossword and proceeded to work on that instead. While I may have gotten a zero on the quiz, I am happy to say that I finished the entire crossword during the time allotted. I almost turned it in to see if I could get any credit for my shrewd lexi-skills, but in the end, just opted for running out the back door and catching the bus home.

I'm still at work despite it being past 5, but don't cry for me. Not only did I show up late, but I fell asleep in my recliner over my lunch break and extended it an extra hour. Whoopsadaisy. I don't think anyone noticed though. I got a new space to work in that is quiet, secluded, and right next to the coffee pot. Things are on the up and up, although I'll only have this area for another week. My boss wants to set up a temporary lab. We're fast approaching our deadlines and I have to quickly become productive, while managing to also attend school and keep up with that. My life is so hard [note sarcasm].

In other news, I paid off my credit card in full this month. That's always exciting because it never ever happens. Fret not though, loyal viewers, I still have that outstanding balance at Best Buy for all the cool shit I bought this summer.

I have got to get back to the gym. Yoga is not exactly shedding pounds of beer gut.

The first homegame of the Aggie season is under our belts. Coach Fran is off to a good start. I was really excited about winning. But I was also excited about pulling 'courtesy tickets' and getting to sit down through the entire game. Standing sucks ... like, just in general. I can't wait til I get a Rascal to ride around on all day.

I have called in twice now about my internet not working and though they swear they're going to fix it, they have yet to do so. I really want to get my webcam back up cause that picture has been up there for like 2 fucking weeks now. I'm sitting up at work again just to check my emails, IMs and update the old webpage.

Tomorrow class begins. I only have one class on Mondays but its at 8am. I thought it was my senior project management class, that I could not in a million years skip, and I wasn't too psyched about that. But it turns out, that its my network class with the prof that likes me. So while I don't plan on skipping, if I ever needed to ... say on a Friday morning ... I could. So I have to get up to go to class for 50 minutes, then I guess I'll work for the rest of the day. I mean I don't have shit else to do. My Tuesdays and Thursdays are little more spread out, and little more full. But as a whole, it doesn't look like I'll be too terribly busy this semester. Unless you count considering graduate programs and looking for a full time position after May. I'm not excited about working in the real world, but I think I could be stoked about getting lots of money.

Not that I like money. I hate it. That's why I'm always getting rid of it in droves.

Welcome to the last Friday of the summer, dear viewers. Another chapter of our unacademic career has come to a close. I would muse upon the experiences gained this summer, but in reality, that wouldn't take very long. I didn't do a fucking thing this summer. I went to work (fairly regularly) and drank at bars. I didn't take any vacations. I didn't go anywhere fun.

I don't mean to sound like a negative nancy though ... I count this among the best summers of my life. While in retrospect I usually regret it, I am a total home body, and I like staying home and doing nothing. Plus, I spent a LOT of money this summer, even by my standards. After all the extravagant meals, tabs at bars, a new laptop with all the fixin's, a new digital camera, a new cell phone ... christ, despite my healthy salary, I'm going into this next semester several G's in debt. How much does that fucking rawk?

I also should take into account all the friends I met this summer. I don't know what it is about summers in College Station, but people are just nicer. I wasn't even taking summer school this year and I made tons of friends (by my standards, tons is around 5 or 6). And most of them I'll probably stay in contact with throughout the school year. I have an idea, why don't each of you leave me a musings about your summer in a comment.

I decided that I wanted my blog to take on a more Jerry Seinfeld-esque observational approach to the entries. As you all may have noticed, I've become increasingly tired of narrating the goings-on of my life. I mean, if the only things you ever did were eat, sleep and drink, you'd run out of interesting ways to phrase it as well. I'm always inspired by people like Maddox or Alfie, both of whom have web pages better than mine. I've had lots of great ideas, sudden inspiration laying in bed or throughout the day, for really great blogs. Problem is, I forget them all before I sit down. Maybe once school starts and I constantly have a notebook in my possession, I'll start being able to remember things.

Anyway, I'm gonna go pretend to work now. I'm comin in on Saturday to help re-mill a board, so I don't feel like I even need to be here today. Holy shit ... fuck that, I'm leaving. I'm going home. Whoo hoo. I am so nice to myself. I love you all, laaaaaaaaaaaaate.

Well now that the 3,000+ hits days are starting to waver (although I'm still around 10X the number of hits I'm used to ... over 8,000 this week!) I am fast trying to think of some schtick to keep people interested in my site. I've tried many things in the past: a 24 hour webcam, rampant egocentricism, guest bloggers, The Conduit E-Zine. Yet, for some reason, this blog keeps taking on a purely narrative approach. I talk about being late to work, and drinking beer on weekends. Thats Boring with a capital B.

So, I've been searching for inspiration as of late and I think a combination of sources have come together to form a great idea. First, the last time I was home, I was reading some Reader's Digest and came across an article about eating disorders, and how young girls find support groups online that help them maintain their anorexia or bulemia. I looked one up and it was sick. It had such advice as, "Any time you feel like eating, go for a run." Wow. Also, the guy who did the journalistic approach towards Stinky Feet and Date My Sister (thespark.com) inspired me to take notes on something people can engage in, not just my boring life. Finally, the Conduit article I titled but never wrote will now be put into practice. I would like to welcome you all to Day 1 of the Anorexercise Experiment.

My coworker, Karen, and I have decided on 4 factors to track my progress on the diet plan that promises to help you shed pounds faster than your "doctor" recommends. These are Last Meal, Anorexercise, Feeling, and Waist Size. Without further ado, here are the stats for Day 1 of the Anorexercise Experiment:

Last Meal: Dinner yesterday at On the Border. I had two soft chicken tacos.
Anorexercise: Moderate yoga and a brisk morning walk.
Feeling: Light headed and hungry.
Waist Size: 32"

If you looked at yourself in the mirror today and didn't like what you saw, think about the weight loss benefits of anorexia, and the overall benefits of exercise, and try to imagine what anorexercise can do for you! Weight loss squared!

Still no word on when the internet will be fixed at my house. The reason there is no word is because I haven't gotten around to calling Cox to tell them that my internet has been down now for 7 days. I don't think my roommate would call either because that probably constitutes a "boy's job." So I have to spend more and more time at work chatting just to keep up to date with the goings on of my online compatriots. Sad, I know, but so very, very true.

This weekend I'm heading up to Dallas. JennyC■■■ is having a house warming party that I may or may not make it to. Its supposably tonight but who knows what time I'll hit the road, and make it to Plano. I have a few friends I'm planning on hanging out with whilst in Dallas, so it should keep me busy the whole time that I'm there. Clay lives in Plano now with his parents, so I'm sure he'll be one of the first I call. And my old friend Blake just moved into a fat loft downtown, so I might just have to go check that out. Other than that I plan on doing some shopping in a proper mall because Post Oak is a sorry excuse for a great shopping place. I'll be back on Sunday night and I will see you all then. Peace.

Man, a lot has happened since I visited you last. I apologize for the hiatus, but I've been keeping pretty busy at work. Yes, I have a job. I'm doing some work for this company called NASA. They're like an aerospace company based out of Houston or something. The important thing is that they're giving me money! And its to do what I love doing best ... reading technical documentation and designing real time control systems. Yay! So that takes up my 8 to 5's. I'm about to start bucklin down and really churning out some results.

I had also planned this summer to work out every day. But as it turns out, the fucking rec center closes at 8pm every day, a time that is not convenient for yours truly. I already paid for the summer though, so whenever I get a free chance during their regular business hours, I'm going to sneak over there and argue with them and try to get my money back and take my business over to Gold's so I can actually get started on this workout routine. I did get my haircut though, that was another part of my plan, so check out the new webcam shot and compliment me.

I did manage to have some fun last week in between working. Like on Wednesday, Brandon called me in the morning to tell me that all of his hours got cut from work so he had the day off. Just then, my boss told me he was heading to Dallas for the day ... coincidence? I think not. So I hopped in the car and drove to Austin. Brandon's family just got a new house thats right on some river that feeds off of (or into?) Lake Travis. So it was like a 5 minute drive over to the Lake where we spend the day swimming and laying out in the sun in this field. I really felt like I was in a Country Time Lemonade commercial. It was much more fun than working, I'll tell you that much. I ended up leaving the next day cause I was too tired and lazy to drive home in the dark. Fantastic time.

I also managed to sneak over to Northgate a couple of times. It's been rather mundane what with everyone being out of town, but its still fun to sit and drink and chit chat with friends and strangers. In fact, I might try to find someone to go out with me tonight. I'm in the mood for a good hangover.

But, my friends, most importantly, lets talk about a little flick we call The Matrix: Reloaded. I'm not evil enough to divulge any of the plot on this website, but I am able to tell you that if I were to choose two words to describe it, they would be infuckingcredible and unfuckingbelievable. This movie is so damn good, just like I always knew it would be. I saw it last night for the first time with Ryan. And then today me and Owen were looking for an apartment. First we got hungry, so we ate, and then I started talking about the movie so we went to go see it. So we didn't find a place to live, but we did get to see the Matrix, so that makes it all worth while. I might go see it again tonight if no one will go out drinking with me. Oh my god its so fucking good. Go see it now so we can talk about it. And if you've seen it, IM me and we'll discuss. Okay, hope everyone's having a great summer, don't forget to check in with me from time to time. Laaaaaaaaaaaate.

I would be lying if I said that this past week has been the best ever, but things are starting to look up. Its nothing a little Tums and some prescription drugs creatively acquired from Beutal can't fix. I put up a new song of the day by the Goo Goo Dolls. It's pretty descriptive of how I've felt lately. Check it out even if you hate the Goo Goo Dolls. The downside is that whenever I get down, I get apathetic. So its been really hard for me to get excited about spending my days at Thompson getting shit done. I wouldn't say that I'm behind, but I'm definitely not as on top of my game as I used to be. I needed a break though. Hopefully I'll be rarin' to go by the time finals come around.

Speaking of, my god, finals are right around the corner. I didn't realize that this semester was so close to over. There's like 2 weeks left or something. Its almost time to start sitting around reminicing over everything that's happened this semester, but I'll save that for a later blog.

I still don't know what I'm going to be doing this summer. I turned down an internship at NASA that would have required me moving to Houston for 10 weeks. I like can't break my lease and don't feel like finding storage and a moving truck and everything that would be required. So I'm gonna be stayin here on Medina. Speaking of, if you are looking for a summer lease, we need to sublease two rooms so let me know. The price is good, and you can't beat the location.

I just talked to my lab partner, Owen, and we are going to live together next semester. Soon enough his title will change from 'lab partner' to 'roommate' which is a pretty substantial promotion. So look forward to his name being in this blog more often. Well, I'm gonna go reheat some more of my massive stash of Olive Garden leftovers and then hit the hay. I'm driving the refreshments cart at the IEEE-Tech Golf tournament tomorrow and I want to be up and alert. Rawk!

Well kids, tomorrow school starts. The end of my free time is upon us. You know what that means ... no more daily updation of SideshoViD.com. Of course, when's the last time it was truly daily anyway? I will do my best to keep you all informed on the goings on of our favorite internet celeb. I'll be sure to let you know how teaching my first lab session goes tomorrow. I'm kind of nervous, but I'm sure it'll be no big thang. I'm still kind of iffy on my schedule. I would like to have a concrete schedule for each day but as of now I've just been kind of doing what needs to be done. Hopefully it'll be more structured when school starts.

But you know how I am when school's afoot. If you need to talk to me I live at Thompson. Just come there and ask someone for me. Ha. Its funny and true ... and sad. Okay, I gotta get ready for bed now, cause I wanna be studious for at least the first day. Peace out, you have nots. Leave a comment talking about your first day!

I'm officially a workin' man. I've been going to work from 9-5 the past two days. What a way to make a livin'. Its actually been kind of fun. Its all stuff I'm used to doing except this time I'm getting paid to do it. We'll see how 'fun' my responsibilities are when school starts and I start having my own shit to take care of. You might have noticed the little design change here. I decided its time for a little bit of anonymity. Because I use my website to store files for class, and had two classes each with teams, it ends up that my url is in the history of every computer in Thompson. That makes it likely someone will stumble upon it. Since I don't talk about the most academic topics every day, at least this way it won't be blaringly obvious that its my page.

Speaking of academic, last night I stopped off at Ryan and Todd's to see Todd cause he just got home. They were going to Northgate and I decided to go along. It was also Steve-o's 21st birthday, Happy Birthday, Steve-o!, so I hung out with him too. We started out at the Library but ended up at Mad Hatters. I really didn't drink much cause I knew I had to get up early this morning for work. Steve-o on the other hand ... well, lets just say he did it right. I don't think there was a single person on Northgate who didn't hear him say, 'It'sss mah birtthhh... day..." Anyway, tomorrow I'm going to work again and then its just a matter of time until school starts, at which time I will disappear from the face of the earth. I shall miss you all though. End of Line.

Well I was just so kindly informed by our dear friend, Laura, that I put the wrong band name for the song of the day.

rowdy224 2: motion city not motor city durrrrrrrrrr

It is indeed Motion City Soundtrack. My apologies to Laura and anyone affiliated with the band. I always appreciate a good 'durrrrrrrrrr.'

In other news, I start work tomorrow. Haha. I know, right, I have a job. How fun is that. I'm actually pretty excited about it. I think its going to be a great opportunity for me to teach, learn and interact with lots of people. I'm not even sure how long he's expecting me to work tomorrow, but I guess I'll just be there until he tells me to leave. Whatev, I don't have shit to do. Speaking of ... I'm gonna go play some Grand Theft Auto. Peace.

First order of business: Happy Birthday and congratulations to Arash, who just turned 21 years of age. My sincerest apologies for not indicating this joyous day on the blog. But there it is, folks, right from the horse's mouth. Also, thanks to Delilah for her delightful email. Its always good to hear from Da Momma. There is one thing I might clear up, that I might not have mentioned.

I get this question again and again, "Where did your friend's links go?" In short, they're gone, but I'm sure you already figured that out. Unfortunately sometimes when one tries to do something lighthearted, fun, and entertaining such as friend bios, it turns political. There were too many people out there who felt they deserved to be on the friends list without applying, those who actually applied (you sad, sad individuals), and those who were booted off the list for pissing me off. There were several people who fit into each of these categories all of whom were mad about it. In order to remedy the problem in the easiest and most efficient manner, I simply deleted the friends links. Besides, its better this way. Now we can all focus on whats really important... ME!

Wailp, tonight I am looking forward to being in the Thompson lab all night. Yeah, you know that building to the left there, that picture isn't a joke. During the week I seriously fucking live there. If you need to talk to me just hang out on the stairs there in that picture, I'll be outside for a smoke about every hour, since that damn lab is so stressful. Just in case any of my group is reading this (even though I think Torrey is the only one who does), my group is wonderful, and we're gonna make an A! No more lies, time to go take a nap while watching Blade before my meeting with the Bob @ 4.

End of line.

Man, its going to be another late night. I am such a procrastinator. Tonight's late night is brought to you by the letters ENGL and the numbers 210. I have to do an audience profile on the job that I'm going to be "applying" for. I was supposed to have already turned in the job advertisement I'm going to use, I just found out, so I went on Monster.com and found some web designing position for Travelocity.com. I like to use computer based subjects for my papers because its easier to bullshit since my prof doesn't know anything about the internet, I've gathered. My last memo proposal about creating a new layout for the company website got me an 82 cause she couldn't tell that 80% of what I said didn't even make any sense. Ah the perks of random jargon. Hopefully I can churn this out in about 30 minutes and be in bed by 2am. I have class tomorrow at 8, and then at 9:10. Then I have an Intel Training course from 12:40 to 2:40. Then I'm meeting with Bob to teach him more about making a website (the prof I'm working for now). Then I have like an hour or two to chill before open lab hours start for ENTC249 (the class that consumes my life). On the plus side though, I've reassessed our progress and decided that my team is ahead of schedule. Thats a first and it feels good. I hate to be an asshole, but every time I hear another team bitching about not having something done, it makes me feel really really good ... provided we have ours working. Oh well, I suppose I've stalled long enough, time to start working.

On a side note, everyone click here to send Steve a shoutout. Today is his 20th birthday, and I just know he'd love to have some well wishes from loyal Sidesho-Viewers. Thanks!