Valentines Day is mentioned in 10 posts, which ranks #62 overall for things. It is most often associated with these...

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First off, I am still alive. I didn't starve myself to death. Secondly, the Master Cleanse is over. I couldn't do it any more. Things just kept getting worse. The hunger I could deal with, no problem. But I was also cold all day every day. And sweating. And my stomach hurt like I was throwing up all the time. And then on the sixth day, severe heartburn showed up. I've only ever had heartburn while sleeping or laying down, but this was just all day while I was working. That's when my resolve finally crumbled. I came home and had a glass of mango juice.

Valentine's Day we went to see Jumper and I had 6 pieces of popcorn. And then a Clif bar and a protein shake later that night. And my stomach went crazy. It's been really difficult transitioning back into food. I can eat like a fourth of what I normally would before I'm uncomfortably full. So that's good. And I'm down to 155 lbs for the first time in years and years, so that's also good. But other than that, I got zero benefit from cleansing my body of imaginary toxins. Perhaps my attitude kept me from feeling good, but I really believe that the human body is perfectly adept at removing "toxins" on it's own without the help of extreme amounts of lemon juice. I do believe some of what the Master Cleanse talks about with the over-medicating of America and how a balanced diet of raw fruits and vegetables is likely the solution to a larger percentage of problems than we care to admit. That putting the right things into your body will prevent sickness and promote healthy weightloss and energy. But then at the same time, I couldn't reconcile that with only putting syrup and lemons in. Seemed counter productive.

So I quit. And I already decided that Febrehabruarv will be less demanding. It'll be more like Febrehabruarii when I spent all my extra money on fine dining experiences.

Now, contrary to everything I've just said, I think I'm gonna go buy some Kinoki pads and see if they can remove some toxins out the soles of my feet!

Happy Valentines Day, sluts! Mine started off with a bang! Normally on Vday, I drink a whole lot. This has been a tradition for the past 5 years. I was kind of at a loss wondering how I would celebrate (or exactly the opposite of celebrate) this year. I got my answer in the form of disease.

I went to work this morning and was blissfully programming along when all of a sudden it felt like someone had turned the heat on. I rolled up my sleeves and kept going. A few minutes later it felt like someone was holding a blow dryer to my face. I was sweating profusely and had like the top 4 buttons undone on my shirt. I could feel the heat pouring out of my shirt on my chin. One of my co-s walked by and I was like, "Hey, is it really, really, really, really hot in here?" and he was like "Uhhhh no ... you don't look so good let me feel your forehead ... damn, you are on fire." And then this other guy walked by and was like, "David, seriously, you are WHITE." Never the one to lose my sense of humor, I was like, "Okay, okay, I know I need to start tanning, this is hardly the time to bring it up."

A few more minutes and it was to the races! A race to the facilities that is. Yes, dear friends, I started off the day with a technicolor yawn in the work bathroom. How embarassing. And to add to the embarassment, this is the first work day after I told one of the managers I was bulemic. We went to a pizza buffet for lunch and I was like, "Ugh, I don't need another piece but I'm going to have one. Not like it matters, I'm just gonna throw it up when we get back to the office." Now he probably thinks I was just regurgitating my breakfast. Great.

After a few more jokes (including calling it a technicolor yawn) I was prodded out the door by everyone who did not want whatever it was that I have. Everyone has been sick in my department this year except for me and one other guy. And we had bet lunch on who would succomb to the bug this year first. Damnit, now I owe him lunch. I think it was Raul who said he hates it when people say "there's a bug going around" because its like saying "it's not the heat, it's the humidity." I thought that was funny.

Alright, kids, it's time for me to fall back asleep. This being sick thing isn't half bad. I hope you're all having a much better Valentine's Day than me. Woe is me! To be sick on my second favorite made-up holiday after Easter! I wish you all lots of action on this manufactured day for gratuitous sex, and I'll catch you all ... on the flip side. Peace.

This morning promised to put me in a fowl mood (quack! quack!) since I had to get up at the ass crack of dawn to go back to the pits of the ■■■ Airport. I have gotten rather surly about going on sites, so people know they damn well better be good and ready for me to be there before they ask me to go somewhere. If there is no power, or no communication lines run, then I can essentially do nothing. I could crawl up in the ceiling and run wires like Trey does ... but my jeans cost a lot more than his.

So I grudgingly obliged to be dragged back to what I have come to believe is my own personal hell under the veiled promises of EVERYTHING being wired. I was assured that the ONLY thing left to do was download my program and verify it. Pschah. I didn't believe it for a second. Sure enough, we get out there and power hasn't even been hooked up. To put a cherry on this clusterfuck, there were problems with the permits that might take two weeks to clear up. DFW can suck a nut.

So now I'm in a bad mood. I decided to try and apologize to myself for making me get up early and drag myself out to DFW with a taquito. So I left work and got a taquito and slowly enjoyed it. Luckily, I go pretty easy on me and decided to forgive myself. Soon after, it was time for lunch where I shoveled BBQ into my face like it was going out of style. Free Fried Pie Tuesdays in full effect, ya'll. I would tell you all a story about me, Michael McNeff, and fried pies, but it's much to long and will have to wait for another day. Anyway, since all pleasure in my life is now derived from food, I was thrilled when my mother called and asked me to go out to dinner with her since my dad was going to a Mavericks game. Score! Pan seared grouper with a citrus sauce and steamed vegetables at Fridays? Sign me up!

The real reason I'm so happy about all the good food that I ate is that when I went to go work out I weighed myself again and I lost another pound! w00t! That puts me at -3 from the starting gate. Things are looking up, kids. Oh, and also, my mom gave me my Valentine's Day present. It's her foot massager that she never uses, so I am now enjoying the most wonderful foot massage ever. All in all today was a good day. There were a few bumps here and there, and my mood has been erratic lately, but I'm doin alright.

Now, who wants some unflavored popsicles?!

Shut the fuck up. I'm going to punch you in the face. I just wanna rip your face off and step on it, squeeze you til your head pops off. These are all compliments if you happen to hear them come from D27's mouth. I learned that, some people haven't. Last night was fun. I wore red because I don't hate Valentine's Day, and I don't refer to it as 'Singles Awareness Day,' because people who do are pathetic. It's a Hallmark holiday. It's just another reason to dress a certain way and get tanked ... like easter, St. Patrick's Day, or christmas.

I just cleaned out some trash from my bedroom. There were two cups of iced tea on my nightstand that Josh and Ryan left there like 3 weeks ago. They had grown their own civilizations while I left them unattended. I'm surprised I haven't gotten sick from just sleeping near them. When I emptied them out in the sink, I almost hurled. I can't handle rotten stuff, weird huh? But the sight of fungus flowing out made me ill. And the smell. God it smelled like pestilence ... pestilence with a twist of lemon.

I just took a couple of loads of clothes (a fraction of what I need to wash) to the laundry room. Someone had rearranged the letters on those little black and white signs. Now instead of describing the prices and specials on certain times of the week, it reads: SMOKE WEED EFERIDAY. I'm not sure why I laughed out loud when I saw it. People can be so clever sometimes. That's all I've got.

I'm not sure how it happens, but week after week I manage to find myself in hilarious situations that always involve mass consumption of alcoholic beverages. Last night I found myself shitcanned at Halo once again. Aaron was working downstairs and I guess he was bored or something. He was making my cape cods completely out of vodka. I only had 3 drinks the whole time we were there and I was fall-down drunk. He also made us some shots just to pass the time. I played two games of pool with Surge. I haven't played pool in so long. I scratched on the 8 ball in the first game, and won the second. Not too shabby.

I'm not real clear on the details of leaving the club, but I know that Leslie, Marshall, and I all went to David#27's house. He drove my car with Leslie in the backseat. After a brief stop on the side of the road for yours truly to regurgitate the evening, we arrived at our destination. Now I remember Marshall and Leslie being with us, but when I woke up this morning the apt was empty. I asked David#27 where they were and he said, "Well, Marshall is in my roommate's bed and Leslie slept in your car." WHAT?! It was like 11:00 by this point and Leslie always wakes up earlier. The kicker was that David#27 had brought her purse in so no one would steal it, so she had no keys, no phone, and no idea which apt we were in. Hilarious.

As soon as I figured out what had happened, I rushed downstairs to get her. She was sitting ever so calmly in the backseat. When I tapped on the window her only response was to turn and flick me off. She was freezing even though David#27 (after desperately trying to convince her to come inside, and making a meager attempt to drag her ass out of the car) had given her a pillow and a blanket. Hilarious. I laughed so hard this morning as we rehashed the events leading up to it. That's really the best thing that happened all night, even though a lot else happened.

Happy Valentine's Day, sluts. Take your date to the Olive Garden.

This week was pretty good. You'll hear only a few minor complaints from me about it. I had a Chemistry test on Wednesday. I really didn't prepare for it very well. I watched all the classes in the library over the course of a couple days before the test and i worked all of the homework problems, but I still wasn't very good at solving problems. Anyway, I was pretty nervous about the fact that I was basically going to take an exam unprepared for the first time in a couple of years. I showed up and started the test and I didn't know the answer to the majority of the True False questions, so to simplify that process, I just put True for every single one. I was fairly certain that the majority of them were true, but I honestly wasn't sure so I guessed. Well as fate would have it, Jebus didn't want me to take a test unprepared either, so he turned the lights out. I was on question 3 when it went dark. We sat in the pitch black for like 10 minutes and then they opened the back doors to let in a little light and told us to turn our tests back in and leave. I have to take it next Monday now. I read the test in the stream of light and it didn't look too hard so I'm not skurred.

I was completely about to make a chemistry reference to drinking now and tell you about my rather mundane Northgate experience on Thursday, but I've just been filled in on the events of the night by Keith. Apparently a lot more happened than I actually remember. I would type the whole story here, but I have to run up to lab real quick so if you want to know just IM me.

Oh, I just realized it was Valentines Day. Its obviously been a big deal to me this year. Have a good one, you sluts.