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I don't know if you've noticed the conspicuous omission of any posts about Febrehab this year. It's not that I'm not doing -- I am. It's just that it's really not much of a challenge this year. I really don't drink a whole lot these days. And, I wasn't going to mention this publicly, just in case, but now I think it's pretty official: I quit smoking 6 months ago.

Right when we got back from Owen's wedding when I wasn't feeling well, I didn't smoke and then I just kind of figured I would keep it going just for the hell of it. So now that's that. I don't foresee myself ever going back to it. I don't even miss it.

But that does kind of take the fun out of rehab if you're not addicted to anything. But this year I am trying to focus on sleeping more, so I've moved my bedtime up to 10:30pm. I do not stay up past that for any reason. And the other side challenge is to do something cultural in Dallas each weekend in February. So yesterday JennyC■■■ came into town and we went with her to the Dallas Museum of Art. Got some general admission passes and walked around and looked at art. She'd been there 100 times, Daniel had been a few times, but I've never been. It was a really fun way to spend the afternoon. Then we came back and chit chatted for a while and then Jenny had to leave.

So far so good, just not a lot to report so I've kind of forgotten to keep the blog up to date, but you're probably getting used to that these days, no?

A really strong weekend has put me over the halfway mark just as we round out the second week of Febrehabruarv. I actually felt really strong today so I went nearly 5 miles. I'm starting to think I could actually pull this off. A few more days like the past three and I'll damn near be there. I haven't decided yet if I'll just quit as soon as I reach 100 or if I'll keep going every day to see how far I can go. One thing is for sure, I'm going to take a well deserved break from running in March. But my hope is that, like the Veganism of Febrehabruariii, this will remain a moderate part of my life going forward.

The thing that strikes me as kind of odd about this year is how much harder its been to give up the cigarettes than usual. And I hardly ever smoke. But I think maybe that's why my body isn't quite convinced yet that it's not getting any nicotine. I have been known to go a week without smoking in a regular month, so I think reducing my habit has actually made kicking it completely harder. Maybe its because I only smoke when I really want to, so it's always really good. Who knows.

I had this dream the other night that I was in a restaurant and went to use the bathroom. And you know how sometimes now there are TV screens above the urinal? And you know how you go to Dave & Busters and they have like 8 race car games lined up and you can race other people? Okay, now put those two ideas together. Only the controls for the racing game were on the urinal and wherever you peed was which way you steered. And I was racing against the other people at the other urinals. I think this could be a multi-million dollar idea. Don't steal it.

Not a whole lot else to report. Had a grood Valentine's Day. Our dear friend, Ryan H■■■■, should be getting back from his Mexican wedding soon. I should call him tomorrow and see how everything went. I wish I could have gone. Oh well. See you all in a few more miles!

My website is being overrun with spam comments. Fucking robots. Can't trust em. I'm not quite sure how it happens, but I know that the only way to solve the problem is to delete all of the comments and then not allow anymore to be posted. So, sorry about that. I just deleted over 250 spam comments each a page long, one at a time. So while I know you were all dying to add your two cents to the mix, you'll just have to do so while the gettins still good. But if you wanted to help, you could do me and this spamming robot a favor and go google Harry Potter, premature ejaculation, struggling women, and homemade porn. That way they won't need my site to advertise on.

In other news, I've made a decision. I've decided to vote. I found out that you can vote early at a host of locations all around the county. And if you've got your voter registration card then you don't need anything else. I still have no idea why we can't just vote online and use pure popular vote to elect a president, but whatever. And I still don't think it matters if you vote or not and I especially don't think it matters in Texas, but as long as they're trying to make it easy for me, I'll play along.

But it's kind of like when I decide to quit smoking, I don't turn into a non-smoker. One of those people who cover their mouths and cough just because they're within earshot of someone enjoying a cigarette, not because they're within noseshot of the smoke. Much like that, I promise that just because I decided to quit being a non-voter, I won't turn into a Voter. Those people who are like, "BLAUGH HOW CAN YOU NOT VOTE SHAME ON YOU!" I hate those people. I'm so distracted. We're watching True Blood on HBO and its ... just ... terrible.

Another Febrehab for the annals. Although, it's basically still going on. I had one glass of wine with dinner the other night, but other than that I haven't had anything to drink. And I still haven't smoked any. I think I'm going to do something this Friday to get back into the swing of things. Perhaps Hooters?

I don't want to get too drunk, though because Saturday afternoon, I'm going to look at and possibly buy a Vespa. It is time for me to start riding a scooter that gets 100mpg to work and back. I can't see any flaws with this plan. If they have the exact one I want, I'm going to snag it. But if there are some hangups like needing a license or a parking pass or things like that, then I might just figure out which one I want and then go back the next weekend and get it.

Are you watching American Idol this season? This is the first time that I've watched every episode and I'm totally hooked. But ... if they don't get rid of Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul, I won't be watching it next season. There is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON for those two to be there. They both say the exact same thing about every singer every round. Randy Jackson says, "Aight, dawg, so hey, check it out. I thought that was good. It started out a little rough, a few pitch problems here and there, but you pulled it out at the end. It was good. Yeah." Then Paula chimes in and says, "Yes, yes, yes, I loved it, I love you, I want ... who ... let's give a hand ... all the ... do a ... job and ... I loved it." Then Simon tells the truth, or an honest assessment of the performance with a few constructive criticisms and the entire audience boos. I hate that so much.

They could definitely pare it down to just Simon and vastly improve on the format of the show. But until then, I guess I'll just shut up and keep watching. At least as long as Danny Noriega and David Archuleta are still in.

Las Vegas was a blast, just like I knew it would be. Daniel knew that we were staying at the Bellagio for his graduation gift, but what he didn't know is that we had a deluxe lakeview suite on the corner and that chocolate covered strawberries and champagne were waiting for us when we got there. So that was a fun arrival. We looked out our windows and played with the electric drapes for a while before hitting the town. We mostly played Wheel of Fortune and Monte Carlo slot machines -- the two most popular ones with bonus spins possible. Neither of us lost as much money as we had planned on losing, so in that regard, we won. One night I even drank until I was wasted and the casino paid me $10 dollars to do it. If that isn't winning big, I don't know what is.

So that was our strategy. To try to drink all night and pay less than what we would have paid at the bar. Since a beer was anywhere from $6 to $8 at most bars, that really wasn't hard to do. Here's a couple helpful hints for any of you heading over to the desert. The first time the waitress comes around, tip her something good. $5 should do it, $10 if you're looking to get wasted. Then they'll take care of you by replacing every empty bottle with a full one. You might have to fuel the fire every few rounds with a few ones, just to keep her thinking she might get more money out of you once you get drunk. The other key factor is to make your money last a long time at the slot. The only effective way to do this is to not play. We would put money in, pull it once, light a cigarette, smoke the entire thing, talk to the waitress and the people next to us, finish a round, use the bathroom ... and then pull it again. Of course, naturally, you're going to get faster and faster as drink goes on, but that's where teamwork comes in and your partner should tell you to stop. We usually took turns, so one of us could slow the other down if we were getting low on our beer to gambling ratio.

One night Daniel took me out to a fancy dinner at Le Cirque. That's French for The Cirque. It's in the Bellagio and it's probably the nicest restaurant I've ever been to. Only 16 tables in a small room swaddled in tapestries and rich mohogany, and a view of the fountains. Tres chic. I had the rabbit symphony. A plate with a bunch of different preparations of rabbit. I am the worst vegan ever. The fun part was that when you walked in there was a huge terrarium with all the rabbits in it and I got to pick the one I wanted. (No, not really, but isn't it weird that it's acceptable to do with lobsters but the thought of doing it with bunnies is kind of offensive?) I was completely stuffed after a seafood medley, rabbit symphony, and a mango sorbet with coconut foam extravaganza for desert. It was an incredible meal, I highly recommend. Especially if you can get someone else to pay for you.

We also saw Blue Man Group, which was incredible. The first hour or so was just them staring wide eyed at each other and audience members while people laughed uncomfortably. Could have done without that. But the last 45 minutes were so badass that it totally made up for it. I would also highly recommend Blue Man Group. I'd tell you more, but I don't want to spoil it. If you're really curious, I'll tell you about it in person.

Our flight home was canceled and our new flight was about 6 hours later (during which I won $80, so not all bad) and then that flight was delayed about an hour. So getting home was a bit arduous. Especially since we were both ready to come home. Vegas is magickal and riotously fun, but I wouldn't recommend any more than 3 nights at a time. It gets tiresome of everyone you meet doing whatever they can to get their hands on your money. But we finally arrived home with little incident and promptly laid on the couch. And that concludes story time.

I've spent the past couple of days at my parents' house playing Wii and opening presents. I got a navigation system and an Art of Shaving kit and a mango slicer. Not a bad haul. I gave Daniel the T-qualizer shirt and he gave me Planet Earth, the entire season, AS narrated by Sigourney Weaver, the true version. I have some more to open on xristmas with Daniel's family so more on that after this. Peace.

Happy to report things are still going well. I just got back from Daniel's parents' house. His mother cooked this vegetable medley that we poured over soy cheese biscuits. It was pretty delish. She's made a few really exquisite meals for me this month. Such a treat.

One more weekend to go and then, while I am not stopping Febrehabruariii, I am going to reward myself by relaxing the rules a bit. Like tonight, Daniel's mom was going to put anchovies on the salad and remembered last minute to leave them separate. If it were March and there were anchovies on the salad, I would just shut up and eat them. Or if there were wine at the meal, I would have a glass. But for the most part, I am not going to have a cigarette and I'm not going to binge drink. And I'm going to continue to eat a diet that is rich in an assortment of fresh fruits and vegetables instead of 98% soft chicken taco combos. Then we'll just see what happens from there. I am happy to report that my weight loss has resumed, thank g*d, and I've lost a solid 5 pounds now. I'd really like to see more go away, but even this 5 pounds has made a little bit of improvement.

Last weekend we joined our fellow Febrehaber, Lauren, for her game night. She just wanted to have a few friends over to play board games and enjoy a little sober fun. To get people to come, though, she told them if they would like to bring something to drink they could. It turned into too many people drinking and not really being too interested in the games. But I still had a blast. We played Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture Edition and I did pretty well at it. I wasn't the self proclaimed champion of Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture Edition like some people, but I still did better at it then I do the original version that we play at my parents' house.

There was even a chocolate fondue fountain there. It was making a squeeking noise, though, so someone turned it off halfway through the night causing it to solidify and become a total mess. The girl who brought it set out to trying to clean it up. So she had the outer portion of it removed and all that was left was the internal screw that draws the chocolate to the top. Keith told me that he was going to turn it on without the outer portion on. I tried to stop him. I begged him to consider the consequences for his actions. But, alas, I was unsuccessful. Some people. Sheesh. Chocolate went EVERYwhere. We're talking counter tops, carpet, walls, clothes. All I could do was shake my head emphatically and give Keith disapproving looks.

When the wall wouldn't come clean, Daniel and I set off to Walgreens to pick up a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser (the greatest cleaning product known to man). While we were walking around, I got a hair up my ass to get Lauren an "I'm sorry" gift in case she mistakenly thought I had anything to do with turning on the chocolate fountain. What we ended up with was a card that sings, "I'm sorry ... soooo sorry," a decorative bag with tissue paper, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers, and a box of Summer's Eve douche. The card read something like, "Lauren, we're sorry chocolate accidentally got all over your apartment. To apologize we got you the best cleaning products we could find." We giggled for about a solid hour over giving Lauren a box o' douche. The ironic part was that after she opened it, the Summer's Eve still wasn't the biggest douchebox at the party.

But still, it was a great time and we will definitely have to do it again some time. Thanks for being such a gracious hostess, Lauren, and congratulations on being one week away from your first successful Febrehabilitation!

I love Febreze. I love it. It's hard for me to imagine life before it. I have nearly every product they produce. I use "linen & sky" for my fabrics and "citrus & light" for my air effects. I just recently freshened up my pillows and blankets in my living room, which is really what spawned this whole blog. I'm nursing a healthy hangover and I've pretty much been wrapped up on the couch since I passed out here last night.

The only thing that bothers me about Febreze is their advertising. It's fucking ridiculous. NOBODY buys Febreze to spray on the carpet as they pick up toys. And housewives don't use it to freshen up jackets in the closet. What is it used for? I would estimate around 90% of Febreze's annual sales are to teenagers who smoke. Seriously. How many friends did you have in high school that kept a bottle of it in their back seat so they could hose down the car's interior after a night of cruising around smoking cigarettes? What they ought to show in their commercials is 4 kids sitting in the basement smoking weed from a hookah when their parents get home early, and as three of them race to disassemble and hide the evidence, the other one gets this sideways glacing smirk on his face and grabs the Febreze and starts spraying it everywhere. And then the parents come in and say, "We're home! The house looks great." And after the parents walk out, the kids all high five and then eat sour cream and onion potato chips and laugh.

I'm even willing to let Febreze have that idea for free. They can even have this, too -- the new print ad I just created for them. If you are the CEO of Febreze and want to hire me, please leave a comment. If you want to sue me for copyright infringement, then don't. Cheers!

I was trying to take a picture of my tonsils for you. They are so swollen and painful that I ended up taking myself to the emergency room yesterday morning. I wish you could all see them but even the best picture that I was able to take is a high contrast, blurry, red mess. They really are disgusting though, trust me. Turns out, I have an infection, but since I'm already on penicillin to ward off bacterial infections, and there's nothing to be done for viral infections, they basically told me to go home. If the pain doesn't subside soon, I'm going to go absolutely crazy. I'm actually sick of being on pain medication. Never thought I'd say that.

As I was traipsing through the pictures on my camera, I found these that I took the night I invented ash tray liners. Daniel has these really cool ash trays. Anytime we smoke inside, Daniel has to dump them out into some aluminum foil (to avoid the old-cigaratte smell eminating from the trashcan) and wipe them out with Clorox wipes. We call it "the dump and the wipe." I was pretty sure I could find a way to eliminate the need with an aluminum foil disposable liner. It took me a while, and a bunch of prototypes, but I finally came up with an easily repeatable manufacturing process. It's patented, though. I just thought I'd show it to you because you might want to come up with your own patented process if you have ashtrays. It really does simplify life. Of course, you could always just make your ashtrays completely out of aluminum foil like I do. I'm getting pretty good at it.

KaboomTwon has been rescheduled for Labor Day weekend, September 3rd. (No, that wasn't a typo. I've decided to call our second KaboomTown party, KaboomTwon.) Daniel and I want to serve mojitos at this one. My fear isn't that they're hard or time consuming to make, it's that I can't come up with a good name for them. I assume we'll be having Grizzy Gooses and Kaboomcrown'n'cokes again, and "mojito" just doesn't stand up to that. So let's have a contest to come up with a Labor Day, firework, KaboomTwon inspired name for a Mojito. The winner might get an invitation to the partay.

And finally, let's close with our product placement of the day. Today we feature the simplehuman line of trash receptacles. These are, in my opinion, the finest trashcans money can buy. I've featured here, my 40 liter semi-round step-on can as well as Daniel's 30 liter pull-out model. He doesn't have a lot of floor space in his kitchen so it was the perfect model. They also make their own simplehuman trash bags that are custom fitted to our cans. They are the finest trash bags, way better than any Glad force flex or any shit like that. These are really thick and truly won't rip when you stuff them full. I love it. Is anybody listening to me?

I finally finished painting my bedroom. I have never been so proud of myself for anything in my life. I think it looks so good, almost like an adult, put together bedroom. My bed floats in the middle of the room now. I still need a new end table, new lamps, new bed frame, new table, and new curtains, but the biggest portion of the work is done. It was really hard for me to get one good picture that showed it off, so I took a few. The fourth one is to show you that I did, indeed, repaint my router to match.

I also cut all my hair off and I'm growing a beard. This is a life makeover. Now if I could just stop chain smoking and skipping the gym. I was doing so well for a while there. I'll get back on it soon. I fell off of my diet somewhat due to my trip to Houston for Memorial Day weekend. It was totally worth it though. I went to visit my brother and help out with his impregnito wife and baby daughter. Kaylyn is the cutest thing, and now that she can talk, she is funny too. It was really nice to get to know her, and have her know who I am. About every 5 minutes she would ask, "Where's Uncle David?" if I wasn't in her immediate view. She'll be 2 in July. I can't believe she's getting so big so fast.

I also got to see Kevin. We drank a lot and played darts. I ended up losing after coming from way behind to take the lead. That g*d damn bullseye. I could not hit it. The rest of the nights I hung out with my brother. We saw X3. I thoroughly enjoyed it, although it wasn't the best X-Men movie, I didn't think. Still worth seeing though. One night we went to this place called Whiskey River. It was a totally open up barn type building with this wasted, barefoot guy playing guitar on stage. When we walked in he was berrating some paying customers that had asked him to please stop yelling and cussing into the microphone. It sent him into a tirade about being in the service industry. This guy was so bad, I can hardly explain it. His guitar was so out of tune that my brother noticed it. That's pretty bad.

There are a few distinct stereotypical guitar players. There's the "plays Dave at college parties" guitar player. There's the "pseudo lesbian Ani-wanna-be" guitar player. There's the "stuck-in-the-80s all I wanna do is wail ARE YOU READY TO ROOOOCK YOW!" guitar player. There's the "classically trained and snooty as hell because of it" guitar player. I like to consider myself a "only knows 3 songs and plays them repeatedly" guitar player. If you can think of any more, please feel free to share. Anyway, after one second of looking at the entertainment for the night, I remarked to my brother, "This guy LOVES Pearl Jam, I guarantee it." So we started yelling for him to play some Pearl Jam. The only song we could think of was Jeremy. He told us that he would play Jeremy because it was a great song, but never fucking did. He did, however, play some Pearl Jam, and as you would expect, he did it in his best Eddie Vetter impression voice. So fucking lame. When we left, my brother held down the horn from the time we got in the car until we left the parking lot to interrupt his show. Too damn funny.

I think that's all the news to report. Leave me some comments on how I have the best fucking bedroom in the world. Thaaaaaaaanks.

And I can't ask for things to be still again. No, I can't ask if I could walk through the world in your eyes. Longing for home again, but home is a feeling I buried in you. I'm alright. I'm alright. It only hurts when I breathe.

Long nights lead to longer days. Last night was Taste Addison! I headed up to the roof of the parking garage to sneak a free view of the Hootie and the Blowfish concert. They were okay, but I only knew like 3 of their songs that they sang. I ended up polishing off more than my fair share of Kers Lat. I really haven't been drinking much lately, so I only meant to cut a little loose. I forgot that still raw emotions and excessive alcohol aren't always the smartest mix. I ended up saying things. I didn't necessarily not mean them, but I never mean to portray myself as angry or hurtful so I wasn't too happy with myself over that.

Today, I ended up waking up really early despite a screaming hangover. Later in the day, I went outside to smoke a cigarette and ran into Daniel and Miles. When Daniel left for work, Miles and I sat in the park in the sun and chain smoked and talked a lot. It was a really hard conversation to have. I didn't like anything that I said or that I heard, but it all needed to be said and heard. Honesty is the best policy, in every situation. I swear by it, but have not had that courtesy extended towards myself as of late, so we bypassed the kink in the communication and clarified a lot for each other. I don't know how this will end up, but I can tell you that however it does, it will be for the right reasons. It won't be based on a lack of information, a poor assumption, or another fucking lie.

When I got home the combination of a pretty bitching hangover, a few hours out in the sun, half a pack of cigarettes, and a stomach filled to capacity with nothing but water caught up with me. Having a really stressful conversation that had my stomach in knots didn't help too much either. I ended up throwing up. I fucking hate throwing up sober. It hurts. Then I took a long nap in my refrigerator of an apartment. I tried to take a hydrocodeine to alleviate some of the pain, but apparently it's only meant for physical pain. I spent the rest of the night with the lights off playing guitar until the gang showed up to chill for a little bit. I really like this Melissa Etheridge song, "Breathe."

I am alright, but it does hurt a lot. But I think I'll just keep breathing.

Join me, won't you, on the home stretch of the second annual self-imposed sabatical from all things sinful. Any by sinful, I mean enjoyable. There are so many stages of Febrehab that you go through during the 28 days of detoxification. First there's the optimism, then the irritability, the pain, the eye gouging, the night sweats ... and eventually, the hump, followed by the denouement. I am now on the last stage -- and RIGHT on time. Remorse. After all I've gone through, why, oh why, would I subject myself to it again. I could just continue this forever and be nonetheworse because of it.

But, FUCK THAT. I think on Wednesday, after work, I will wait until that guy pulls on the tail of that bird perched on the rock outside and makes it whistle. I'll slide down the tail of the Brontosaurus and into my car. At that point, I will flick a Bic and enjoy a Prince flown fresh from Sweden. (BTW, did you catch my Jetsons reference?)

Wednesday and Thursday will be punctuated with the grand, world-wide tradition Berliners refer to as "Feierabend." Ja, meine Freunde, I am talkin about the Happy Hour! Oh, I can't wait. I need to get the chops up, though, to prepare for our victory celebration that I've dubbed "Febrehabruarii -- 28 Days, Not To Be Confused With Its Sequel, 28 Days Later." F28DNTBCWIS28DL? Doubtful. Probable? Keg. Come. BYO, though, the kegs for me. Daniel can have some. And Brett Sabulous could have had some if were going to be in town. Party starts at 8 in Addison Circle. Bring a friend.

I didn't really save any money this year. Instead, I spent every dime that I normally spend on alcohol and cigarettes dining on only the most expensive of cuisines. You haven't lived until you've had 3 foot long crab legs, or 6 lobsters wood grilled on the table in front of you, or rows of raw oysters on a halfshell abed a mound of Sonic ice. I gave up red meat in addition to the other carnal pleasures, so rare steak was off the menu. I didn't really lose any weight either, but damned if it wasn't worth it.

This was the best fucking Febrehabruarii of my life. I'll miss it when it's gone and look forward to next year (preview: Febrehabruariii). Thanks to all of you for your continued attempts to entice me to fail at my goal, and thanks to me for ensuring none of you succeed. Onward, and upward. To the bars!

It was the best of sobriety; it was the worst of sobriety. I've officially made it a week. To be honest, I wasn't sure it was going to happen. This is harder than I remember. Day 3 is always the worst (obviously, read the last post). Day 7 though is when the physical addictions have quieted down to a murmur and the habitual addictions come screaming to the surface. Today I was on the A&M campus doing some recruiting for about 2 hours. I rode down and back to be there for 2 hours. Lame, I know. But just walking across campus made me want a cigarette so much that the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I resisted, though, don't worry. I am still participating in Febrehabruarii, as is Mr. Brett Sabulous. I guess everyone else is out ... since you can't start after the Super Bull.

Really this past week has been nothing short of a roller coaster for me. Some days I just feel fucking amazing and the next I'm really, really low. I've had a lot of fucking fun, and I've missed out on a lot. I'm not all that pleasant to be around ... sometimes ... and you never know when that time is. I've given up so much that sometimes it's hard to remember all the things I'm not doing. What I am doing, though, is working out like a mofo. To date, I've lost 7 pounds. That's a pound a day, retards. I should write a book.

So, I was on a high earlier, now I'm on a low. Give me five minutes or another triple shot venti cappuchino and I might be on a high again. Until then, go fuck yourself.

I thought that it might be fun today to play a little game with all of you. I've obtained an exclusive photograph of a celebrity trash can. Given the three options, you have to guess whose trash it is. Ready? Here we go.

Is the answer A: British soccer stud and metrosexual posterboy David Beckham, B: International super model and reality TV emcee Heidi Klum, orrrrrr C: internet megalomaniac and google addict SideshoViD.

If you said C, you're right! You win everything behind door #1. Now take my trash out, idiot. Do you think it says anything about my lifestyle that I'm overflowing with empty cases of beer, empty cans, empty cigarette packs, and empty pizza boxes? I think it means I need to buy more beer, cigarettes, and pizza. Am I right?

Really, it is getting out of control and while it's all going to be going away during Febrehabruarii, I think it might be prudent to wean myself a little before then. I don't want to put my body in shock. Speaking of, is anybody else doing Febrehabruarii?

Hope you all had a good New Year's party and were hungover like it's 2006. Peace out skillets.

Since the last time we met, my CPAP has turned from a g*dsent to the bane of my existence. It is absolutely ruining my life. I haven't slept in a week. I am unmotivated, emotionally unstable, and dangerously exhausted. But, this will be the last you hear of my sleep problems and solutions. Raul left me a lovely IM informing that apnea was not my problem, but that bitching about apnea was my problem. So while he's off fucking himself, you can all just wonder how I'm doing.

This weekend I spent some time with the kids from the stoop. For those confused as to what the stoop is, it's basically equivalent to the benches of Moore Hall. Many alcoholic beverages consumed, many cigarettes burned, many stories exchanged. It's an all around grood time. After an especially late night on Friday, Miles, Daniel and I all went to J's Hamburgers and Breakfast. It was so fucking good. Another old skool diner with a krazy waitress. We tipped her 30 bucks because she ruled so much.

She smoked cigarettes while she took our order. She told us about an 80 year old man who ordered his eggs from her "over ... over ... over at your house?" She brought us a caraffe of Dr Pepper so we wouldn't need refills. She disagreed with me when I told her what I wanted -- and she was right! She told us about her anorexia. She brought us extra eggs. Miles, what am I forgetting? She was so off the heezy, I'm not even lying.

Really, I'm kind of stalling because I forgot what I wanted to talk about today. Oh well, it'll come to me. In the meantime ...

Well hello there, everybody. This is Sidesho reporting to you live from Ryan S■■■'s fabulously newly painted apartment ... oh, and also drunk as hail. He was supposed to wake up and drink more with me when I got home but that has proven unpossible. Me fail English?

So tonight I had planned on going out on account that I do not have to work tomorrow. RAWK! But then, lo and behold, I get a call from the callbox of my apartment and it is JennyC■■■ and her mother. They had been at the Kaboom Town hoopla hosted by my gracious landlord and wanted to cool off. Okay, no problem. But then they managed to convince me to join them for the fireworks. More and more, as the years pass, I have found myself less and less interested in the traditional festivities dictacted by every holiday. I couldn't have cared less whether or not I saw fireworks. (Although fireworks do hold a special place in my heart since when I was little my parents used to tell me that the fireworks were in honor of my birthday.) So, I find myself on the top floor of a parking garage watching fireworks. In their defense, it was the best finale I have ever seen in my life. Probably 5 fireworks a second for about 5 minutes. RAD!

After that, we eat at a piss-poor restaurant inside Addison Circle and then I go home. Turns out, every fucking road in Addison is a parking lot. At this point, I've resolved myself to not go out, on account that I cannot leave the parking garage. A few IMs with Ryan S■■■ later, I am on the road bound for downtown Dallas. It was rigoddamndiculous getting to the Tollway, but when I finally did, we were en route to JRs. Keith and Lauren and some girl named Katie that I met for the first time tonight (?) joined us. I managed to get drunk as hail between 12:30 and 2:00am. But that couldn't possibly be enough for me, right? Right?!

So I took Ryan S■■■ home to his beatiful and newly painted apartment and proceeded to drink some more when disaster struck. We are out of cigarettes! Unacceptable when plastered. So he goes to bed and I walk my happy ass to the 24-7 Wally Mart nearby to get some. I talked to my lover Marshall the whole way there. That was fun since I haven't talked to him in 4-eva, and he claims to have blonde hair now. So anyway, I bought some squares, as Joseph would call them, and then walked home to find Ryan - surprise - passed the fuck out and me drinking alone.

So there we are. By my records, I have made zero grammatical mistakes. You're more than welcome to double check that assertion. You'll notice that when I'm drunk I just ramble; I don't skimp on the important stuff. Please don't forget that my birthday is on Wednesday. No one that I know of has made any plans for me, so I think I'm going to take Thursday off of work and go out Wednesday with Andrew. I'll definitely keep you all posted on that. Later sk8ers!

Is it weird that after I get done tanning, the smell eminating from my skin makes me hungry? Somebody back me up on this one.

I got carded on the way home buying cigarettes at the discount tobacco store, and then the old Indian man went on like a 5 minute explanation of how I have a baby face and that means that I am a good person inside because a good person's features never change. I was like, "Thanks, Vishnu, can I have my smokes now?"

So I've decided to push back my Australia trip to July 7th through the 15th. That means that I will be here on July 4th and my birthday July 6th. Tomorrow is Justin's birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUSTIN. Hurry up and come to Dallas and bring me my belt. I saw a chick in a bar wearing one, and I simply must be the first to have one in my social circle or else the novelty will wear off.

This Saturday Ryan and Todd are coming over from Arlington to play drinking games with me. Thommi might come up. Lesbie Ann might come. I'm going to invite Will and Lindsay too to make it a royal college reunion. Ryan S■■■ is bringing Robert and I'm going to see if Lil Jarrod wants to come. Party at the 735 square feet of fun! Damnit, now I have to clean. Anyway, if you want to come, let me know.

I almost forgot, today at work I switched my keyboard to Dvorak. I'll let you all know how that works out for me.

Nothing else to report. My days blend into each other as I drudge through the monotony of a job well done. Czech you skillets later.

For once, I am going to make good on a future-blog promise and tell you all about the dweeb we are here with. He has a lot of names, actually. Dweeb, Poindexter, Imp, and Alfred E. Newman. I wasn't aware of this fact, but apparently Alfred E. Newman is the name of the character on the front of MAD Magazine. This kid looks EXACTLY like him; I'm so not even kidding. Buckteeth, big ears, and stupid butt-cut hairdo. Normally I wouldn't make fun of someone for the way they look, but after two weeks, this kid is on my last fucking nerve. And you all know what a nice guy I am. Right? ... Right? Fuck you.

Everything I describe is probably going to sound really petty, but it's just one of those things where it wears on you and wears on you until he can do no right. I find myself disagreeing what whatever he says, just for the sake of disagreeing. So far on this trip, we have been doing a lot of drinking. I mean a lot of drinking, and yet, I have only been drunk once (Friday night). They just have a wealth of great beers and we've been stopping into a pub to enjoy a beer or two with Paul the Englishman. We knew we were in trouble the first night when Poindexter ordered water at the bar. "I'm not much of a drinker." He stared as us the entire time we were there until he finally excused himself early. He does that every night now, always in bed by 8. What a waste of a vacation. "Fancy that," Paul said, "Not even being able to enjoy one beer when he's in a pub."

We've made sure everyone here knows he's not a typical American. "He's not a typical anything," seems to be the common response. So he don't drink, he don't smoke, and he goes to bed early every night. Aight, whatever. He'd also never played pool before in his life. Now I'm no pool shark. Being as I grew up with a table maybe I should be, but I still warn people before I play them that I am "no good." So when he warned us he was "no good" I thought he meant he would miss some of the long shots, or suck at banking, or not really know how to use English on the cue ball. HA! If he knew HOW TO USE THE CUE BALL. This fool steps up to the table, grabs the cue stick about halfway down the shaft leaving a huge dead weight behind him he can barely control and takes aim at the 12 ball. Unfathomable. No matter how bad you are, you should at least know to hit the white ball.

Aight, whatev. Maybe biljards aren't his thing. So we play darts another night. Kid has never thrown a dart in his life nor does he have any concept of how to play. Incidentally, I am pretty good at darts now after playing almost every night with Keith and Paul. The other night we were at our favorite little bar here and this guy came in and asked if maybe he could play with us on teams. Sure, what the hell. This dude ends up being ranked like #8 in all of Scandinavia. It was the most incredible thing I've ever seen. We were playing cricket and he would close out like 3 numbers each turn. The guy could tell you where his dart was gonna go and it would go there. I can tell you which quadrant of the board I'll land in, not much more. Keith and Paul headed back to the hotel but I wanted to play more darts so I stayed out late learning from this guy. I improved my game like 100 fold. I was nailing 1 or 2 triple 20's every throw. It was fun.

This is going to be the longest blog ever. Bear with me. So now he's not much of a drinker, not much of a smoker, not much of a pool player, and not much of a darts player. These are starting to add up. But I guess that's cool that he likes to be responsible during the week. That's understandable. The weekends, though, that's when the fun begins. Foreign country, dude! What happens in Sverige, stays in Sverige, right? There's a casino here that I suggested maybe we could check out. Unfortunately, he's "not much of a gambler." Good fuckin' xrist. So I invited him out to Étage with me. He's "not much of a club goer." On Monday when he asked me how my weekend was I said, "Omega, crazy fun. You?" "Well... I don't know how crazy it was [ed: all condescending like] but I saw some parks and canals and really interesting stuff." The only thing homeboy did all weekend was walk around town like we've done a thousand times before. The parks are just empty squares scattered around town, and the canal is just a canal. Nothing to see there.

I don't care if somebody is a nerd, though, as long as they're cool. This guy is nothing of the sort. We went out pretty late on Thursday and that Friday I was a little late to breakfast, a little achy, and a little dehydrated and he says to me, "Heh, that's what you get for starting your weekend on Thursday," a reference to my earlier description of how often I drink which goes: "Monday is Funday, Tuesday is Boozeday, Wednesday is Humpday and Thursday starts the weekend!" If my head hadn't been swimming, I would have jumped over the table and beat him. Then the other day walking back from lunch, Keith and I were enjoying our post-meal cigarettes. He gets this smirk on his face. That's how you can tell he's about to say something that will inevitably be fucking stupid, but he thinks it's clever. He turns to us and says, "You know, I hear that lung cancer is a painful way to die." And I said, "You know, I hear running your fucking mouth is a painful way to die." ... Okay, I didn't say that but I did think of it later.

The four of us go to dinner together every night. It's the most painful part of the day because we have to sit there with the dweeb. He is such a conversation killer. Anything we talk about he kills by saying something retarded, so we generally eat in silence waiting for him to go back to the hotel and then we talk about our days. And we've all kind of taken a turn picking up the tab. We are expensing our meals so it's all free, and if you pick up the tab for a co-worker, that can go under entertainment expenses. And since the only things we really have to talk about are work-related, that's totally kosher. And since I've only paid for dinner about every third night, accounting will certainly notice that I've had my tab picked up other people enough to further justify my reciprocation. Right now you should be thinking to yourself, every third night? Didn't you say there were four of you?" Man, I can't get anything by you. Poindexter refuses to pick up a tab. We started noticing the pattern after the first week and talked about it after he left. We agreed he was OBVIOUSLY the most socially inept person alive so he probably didn't realize he needed to pick one up. So we blatantly said, "Alright dude, it's your turn tonight." And he refused!

He is afraid that he won't be able to expense it since it's entertainment, although I suspect he just has moral conflicts with paying for beer. But still, come on, we all work for the same fucking company, they WILL reimburse it. Especially if you haven't paid for a since dinner yet since you've been to Sweden. g*d, this kid pisses me off. He's just one of those people that when you catch him looking at you, you just kinda wanna smash his face in. But you don't because you are a pacifist.

You should see him at breakfast. It's one of the oddest things I've ever seen. Dude will get about 12 slices of bread ... all different kinds. And he'll proceed to eat them... dry... with nothing to drink. And when he's done with that, he gets up and gets a bowl full of this granola-nut-muesli cluster concoction. It's very hearty, European cereal. He proceeds to eat the whole bowl ... dry. I like it just fine, but I soak mine with milk for a while before I eat it or else I just feel like a horse. And when he's done with that, he gets up and gets a plate full of crackers... and eats them dry. He is so fucking weird.

He actually reminds me a lot of my fourth college roommate, Clark. He's got that same irritating manner about him, which leads me to suspect this kid is a hardcore x-tian. Thank jebus I only have to see him one more day, and then with any luck, never, never again.

I just got back from a hockey game. What a great idea that is. Go to a freezing ass country and then sit in a room with a huge slab of ice. Sheesh. It ended up being fun because the Malmo Redhawks won 11 to 2. They supposedly aren't very good, but they spanked this other team. I've been under my covers in the hotel for about an hour now and I'm still not thawed out.

The hotel room is pretty warm at all times. They don't really have air conditioning here. They just keep all their buildings warm, and then if you get too hot, you open a window. It works pretty well, especially in a country when its not 105 outside. Another difference is the light switches. Their switches are like the size of our base plates. Makes sense I guess. No reason to make the switch so small. And the toilets -- you don't push down on a level, you pull up on a button on top of the toilet. Same concept, just different. Everything here is just different enough to keep it interesting ... and make you have to pause to figure it out.

Everyone in Sweden smokes. Really, I think its just that everyone in Europe smokes. And you can smoke just about anywhere. When we got off the plane in Zurich, the first thing we did was try to find a smoking room. We slowly started noticing that people walking through the airport were smoking. A far cry from DFW, that's for sure.

It seems my employment luck is international. I got assigned to the team that really isn't doing much. I've mostly just been hanging out and eating great lunches before cutting out a little early. I am trying to find out what I'm going to do this weekend and wouldn't you know it, Stino just told me he has a friend in Malmo. He's going to email him for me and see if he'll be my tour guide. That would pretty much kickass if it worked out.

I am watching MTV Europe's version of Jackass. It's these four guys that put Bam and Steve-o to shame. They just waxed this guy's balls and they showed the whole thing, full frontal. That's really the only nudity I've seen so far. With any luck this weekend, it won't be the last.

I don't think I've mentioned Paul yet. Paul is this English guy who is here for the same thing we are. He's really cool. He's like a real live Englishman. He tells us to "fancy" things ... something I will definitely try to get started in the states. Fancy that, another new word for my rotation.

Damnit, I have a thousand more stories, but this will have to do for now. Although the time stamp will read 4pm, its really 11 for me and I still have to shower and then flat iron my hair with my new swedish flat iron ... it was worth all 400 Kroner. Laaaaaaate.

What a long, strange trip it's been. Okay, maybe just long. I got to Sweden with very little trouble. I am in my hotel room now around 7:30pm after having been up since Saturday morning. I am so tired, but I have had a lot of fun today. I am traveling with my coworker, Keith, just to get that out of the way. I'm sure a lot of my stories will involve him. We had breakfast in Zurich which consisted of a liter of Heinekin each and a handful of cigarettes. Gots to expense that shit!

The 10 hour flight was quite trying, but I made it though with a little bit of sleep. It didn't help that when I did fall asleep, I dreamt that we had already arrived. Then I woke up and realized there were 7 more hours to go. We hung out in Zurich for about 3 hours and then took a 2 hour flight to Copenhagen. I slept all the way through that flight. Then we rode a train into Malmo, Sweden. We decided to walk from the train station to our hotel which ended up being quite a ways. I immediately dropped my shit and went walking around. I found a place to buy a flat iron tomorrow. Mine won't work here, and my voltage converter won't work with it either. It is a necessity. Gots to expense that shit!

Let me tell you one thing about Sweden. If I were to rank the 100 hottest guys I'd ever seen in my life, on TV, in movies, and in person ... all 100 of those spots would be occupied by someone I saw in Malmo today. Everyone here is beautiful -- blond hair, blue eyes, tall, just gorgeous. I am a little bit overstimulated. And the women are pretty slammin' as well. Being in Malmo makes me say, "Miami who?" I have already decided that I want to live here. Everyone speak fluent English, even the teenagers working at Subway, which is where we ate dinner. They all start of speaking Swedish to me, which I take as a compliment because they I'm Swedish, but as soon as I order in English they switch effortlessly. It's incredible. This place is so Americanized, yet so different. I need to make some more observations before I assert that.

I took a few pictures today but I am seriously falling asleep on the keyboard so I might post some tomorrow. So far so good though! This place kicks so much ass.

UPDATE: I totally forgot to mention. I met John McKay from the news in the airport in Zurich. He was on his way to Roma to cover JP Deuce's funeral. I know so many celebs. And in other news, NOW MY HAIRDRYER DIED. God damnit, first the Pizzope, now my blow dryer. Why have you turned your back on us, oh lord?

I can count on one finger the number of times that I have updated my webpage drunk. For those of you a little slow on the uptake, that means that I've only done this once before. Kudos to anybody who can tell me the date of that entry. I say "kudos to anybody" but really all I mean is "kudos to Chevy" because she's the only one who would actually take the time to ascertain said information.

I went to happy hour tonight with Andy. We drank a lot of beer. I smoked a lot of cigarettes. I have got to quit smoking more often because nothing makes a cigarette taste better than the seasoning of unrequited lust. Oh my god it was delicious. My apartment aroma is making me wet at the moment because Andy is cooking us a couple of ribeyes while I sip red wine. Having a roommate has its perks.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LESLIE. I am so random. Being drunk is like riding a bicycle. You never forget how much you need to get drunk ... and you never forget how much you want to get drunk. *takes sip of cheap red wine*

It's not just the title that used to be clever. I had at least 6 awesome stories to tell you all before I went to happy hour. One of them I remember was commentary on how good my mood was because I wasn't drinking. "It's impossible to be completely happy while ingesting that much of something called a depressant," I was going to say. But that was before the utter ecstacy I feel right now having had like 8 beers. YAY!

I love you all and I wish you could be as happy as I am right now. Oh shit, I was going to catalogue the results of Febrehabruary. That's right. I lost 11 pounds. 11 fucking pounds of alcoholic weight. I look good, I feel good ... I am good, g*d damnit. I love you all immensely. More info when I sober up (which may be never) HAAAAAAAAAAAA

Yoga yesterday was wonderful. It was just me and three foreign middle-aged women, on account that the class was during the Super Bull. I was sweating rather profusely, as it is hot yoga, and since there were very few people there (and the male instructor is essentially nude already) I decided to take my shirt off. Now, you all KNOW how much I hate to toot my own horn, but I just wanted to share with you that while I am still morbidly obese, my working out has begun to spring the roots of progress into my mounds of fatty flesh. I think I'm starting to improve, and that is such good incentive to keep going, since my workout partner has disappeared for the past 2 weeks and has vowed to disappear at least one more. I still haven't missed a day though. Toot! Toot!

So far so good on the sobriety experiment. The only problem is that I've become increasingly irritable. I blame that more on the cigarettes than anything. I just don't like it when people try to tell me what Febrehabruary is. I made the fucking rules for me, for me to follow, not for you to assess. I am slowly withdrawing to protect my original decree of 28 days of no drinking. I'm afraid that by the end of this, I will have no friends. But I will persevere. Little things have just been annoying me more than they normally would.

It's like when somebody tells you that going from 2 packs of cigarettes a day down to a pack a week "doesn't count." And then pokes you... repeatedly....

But I did have a wonderfully productive weekend. Waking up at 10 feeling fully refreshed and ready to tackle the day was a welcome respite. And feeling tired on Saturday night meant that I curled up in my PJs with my laptop, when normally I would have feel obligated to go out. So there is good associated with the whole thing. I talked to AllieD last night, and asked her how Jamey did it. Jamey, her squeeze, gave up alcohol for 2004. The whole fucking year. He said I would be done with my experiment long before the hurt went away. So that was encouraging.

You'll notice I also have scads more time to update my webpage. I should be at Studio Movie Grill right now, but instead I think I'll go to the gym. Peace out, have-nots!

Last night I had a dream that prom was that night. Somehow I had managed to completely forget about the entire gala. Looking back, maybe it was because I haven't been in high school for damn near six years, but try explaining that to my subconscious. I hastily got ready and went to the dance stag. Open bar, dude! I rationalized with myself that since it was prom, and prom is a big deal, it would be okay if I had one drink. Which led to another, and then another, and then another. As I sat outside enjoying my buzz and finishing off my last cigarette, I contemplated how I was going to justify this transgression to you, my readers -- whether or not I would reset my counter, but knowing ultimately that I had to.

G*d damnit, my brain is starting to wonder where the alcohol is, and it is not going to be happy when it doesn't get it any time soon. The other fun part of my dream is that Yale Chris was there. But he was with his new boyfriend, which in and of itself was not the problem, except that the new boyfriend was his identical twin, and they were dressed the same. And to top it all off, they were doing LSD from a stamp on this other boy's hand since all of his friends from the University of Wisconsin (???) had joined him at Plano's prom. He tried to get me to lick his hand, but I wouldn't. At least I still have SOME integrity in my dreams.

Yesterday somebody asked me if I was going to watch the Super Bull and I got all up on my high horse and was like, "Derrrr, the Super Bull was last week." Whoopsadaisy! Isn't this thing always in the last week of January? It is already fucking Febrehabruary. Get on the ball (no pun intended). So now I'm hoping somebody today will ask me if I'm watching the Super Bull because now I can say, "NO, but I am watching the Supper Bowl!" The Food Network is having a marathon during the silly little game of nothing but Paula Dean. G*d, I love her. How do you like that massage, Mr. Turkey? So my day is full.

And since I am decided NOT hungover this morning, which is odd for a Sunday, I am definitely going to make it to yoga today, which is good news. Then it's on to face a week at work having had no release this weekend. Wish me luck.

Man, I know it's only Day 3, but this is HARD. It's not so much that 3 days have transpired; it's more that 3 days where I think about nothing other than how I'm not drinking have transpired. It's a tad disturbing just how much of my life is closely associated with the consumption of alcohol. For example, I went to On the Border (OTB to the cool kids) last night with JonS■■■ and all I could think about was how an ice cold Corona would wash down the salsa burn and a pitcher of margaritas with salt would make the perfect dessert. Or like when I realized it was half-priced martini night at the Velvet Hookah and my friend, the owner, owes me a night of free drinks. Or like this morning when I woke up and brushed my teeth without a pick-me-up.

Day 3 is always a milestone. The combination of no drinking and no smoking is a killer. But what doesn't give me cirrhosis, only makes me stronger. This weekend will be the first real test. Especially since coworkers are going out to drink beer and play pool for Trey's birthday and I'm accompanying them all. I've already warned them that if they give me a hard time about not drinking that I won't be attending.

I suppose I should explain my title: Bury the dishes! We tried out this new Mexican restaurant by my office today. It's right next to El Chicos, so every Wednesday on Enchilada Day, after we're done picking teams, we always say we should try this Taqueria Arandas. So today we did just that. Their sign outside, their menu, and their boards inside all said, "Sabroso... Sabrosito!" None of us speak gibberish so we asked the waitress what that means.

She said, in a very thick accent, "Mmm, sabroso is dishes ... dishes and sabrosito is hmm bury the dishes." I paused. I digested what she'd just said. I asked her to repeat herself. "Bury the dishes." Again, I paused. Not wanting to make a scene, I said, "Ahh okay, yeah ... thanks." After she walked off, I asked the other people around the table what the hell "bury the dishes" meant. Coworker Adam and I decided that it meant that they had such big portions of food that it buried the plate, and that it must not have been a literal translation and that's why she had a hard time telling us. Then my boss goes, "What are you guys talking about?

"She said, 'Delicious. Very delicious.'"

My four day weekend is over. I am so not looking forward to work tomorrow. But I guess I should just accept it as an inevitability and carry on with my life. Thommi and Dan spent Friday and Saturday with me. We had way too much fun. There was much drinking, much socializing, much of the creme de la creme of Dallas explored. Shopping in the West Village was crazy. I sat and watched as these two boys dropped a collective grand on new digs ... money, I can assure you, they did not have to spare. How fun are they? I think my Shopping Hawk inspired them (a hair-do I invented just for the outting).

Have you ever noticed in movies when the phone lines are cut, they always pick up the phone and then repeatedly tap the little hanger-upper button? I haven't had a land line in many years, so maybe I'm a fool for asking, but does that ever help? Just once I'd like to see them be in a really scary sitch, pick up the phone with no dial tone, freak out, push the button and then have everything be fine. "Oh, that was scary, I thought for a second the phones were down, but they're not. Beeeeeeep. Booooooop."

I also fucking love those commercials where people speak to each other in phone tones. Hey, for those of you who find my webpage sacrelicious, good news:

It has become glaringly apparent that if I am going to successfully quit smoking, I am also going to have to quit drinking. I have a little experiment planned for a substance free month of my life. It won't be until February though ... because February is the shortest month, and this is going to be torturous. I'll get you some more details on that when the time arrives. Until then, hold your collective breaths, you have-nots.

This weekend Ryan H■■■■ came into town with his new girlfriend, Paula, her brother, Michael, and his girlfriend, Amanda. We were planning on playing 3-Man on account of the good memories dredged up by my last post, but it ended up being annoyingly difficult to figure out the rules, so we opted for the old standby, Suits. As an added bonus, our dear friend Princess called me early Saturday afternoon to talk when I managed to convince him to make the drive to Dallas to hang out. My first real company!

I spent all night Friday making sure my place would be presentable when everyone arrived. It was no small feat. Despite the rainstorm, Ryan and the gang showed up a little after 8:00 and we got some Pei Wei for dinner. Princess took a detour through Shreveport to get to Addison so he showed up a little later once the drinking had already commenced. We tore through a couple of cases of beer between us all. During the course of the night, I got a new welcome mat, compliments of one of my guests and one of my neighbors. By the morning they had taken their mat back. Fucking selfish bitches. I hate my neighbors now.

The next morning, Princess and I spent a whole day shopping. We were all over the metroplex seeking out the coolest shops. We didn't buy any clothes but we both added about 100 items to our wanted lists. Princess found a really cool coat that he needs 300 dollars for, and a pair of jeans that he needs 120 for. These are the most important items. I found an entire store that I need 10,000 dollars to clean out, but I have put a freeze on my wardrobe supplements until I get my apartment in working order. That's one thing this non-smoking thing is about. I will save roughly 20 bucks a week being smoke-free, which could add up to a few extras around the apartment.

This week I only have to work until Wednesday, and since no one is in the office, trust me when I say, I won't be working much. Rawk! I left so early today. But in my defense, it was raining, and we all know I don't like the rain. Then it's time for a five day weekend that includes A Very H■■■■■■ Thanksgiving, the Ryan Cabrera concert con Thommi, an appointment at MAC, and a lot of time spent with Kaylyn, the baby. Hurrah!

Footnote: Owen's webpage just had me in stitches. His posts have gotten increasingly better this semester and this one about McDonald's and Microsoft may just take the cake. Plus, my sexy 'stache pics are on the front: http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=noezoom.

Today is the American Cancer Society's National SmokeOut. The idea is that everyone in the world quits smoking at the same time. Since that will never, ever happen, they say that if you want to participate you can just quit for a day. I've decided to do that. It has nothing to do with the fact that I smoked half a pack last night over multiple glasses of wine and this morning I am completely hungover. No, it has to do with my love for my body and the environment.

While I was at www.cancer.org I was looking around at some of their anti-smoking campaigns and how they have evolved over the years. This one was my favorite. Look, people, the lamer you make your anti-smoking campaigns, the cooler and more counter-culture smoking becomes. Why do you think Phillip Morris is so willing to waste tons of money on trying to keep children from smoking? Because a 1980's inspired duck who says that 'tobacco is whacko' encourages kids to smoke. If you want to get people to quit, the solution is simple ... pass more legislation! Duh. Don't even get me started on the degradation of capitalism that is forcing businesses to ban smoking in public places. We'll discuss that in a different blog. Moral of the story is DON'T SMOKE (on November 18th, 2004).

Speaking of November 18th, not sure how many of you are remembering, but it was exactly 5 years ago today that the Aggie Bonfire collapsed. I was a freshman in college and had been worked into a frenzy over the anticipation of Bonfire since before I'd ever set foot on campus. We'd spent the night playing 3-Man in my room so everyone was too drunk and asleep at 3am when the crew chiefs came through the dorm pounding on doors to get people to help them pick up fallen logs off of the bodies of those trapped underneath. The next morning we were a little bewildered as we turned on the channel that had a 24 hour image of Bonfire and saw it on the ground. Then when I went out to the Polo Fields and realized that every white sheet draped over the logs was to hide a dead body, the enormity of what happened hit me. It still gets to me today ... It's getting to me right now as I type this.

We felt so helpless sitting there staring at the cranes. People walked around handing out drinks, sandwiches, sweatshirts, and anything else anyone needed since some people had stayed out there for days at a time. We tried to go give blood but every blood bank had lines wrapped around the block of people willing to wait. I think we set the Brazos Valley on blood for the next decade. It certainly took some air out of the game. Bonfire represented our burning desire to beat the hell out of t.u. but that didn't seem so important. We weren't even sure if we were supposed to enjoy the game.

That night instead of a yell practice we had a candle light vigil. When it was time to go into the stadium everyone took their candles with them, so instead of the image of lighters being held up that we were accustomed to, this is what we saw. I can't say it was a fun time to be an Aggie, but I'm glad I was a part of it so I could understand. That was the turning point for on-campus culture, and I was lucky to have experienced the way it used to be before all of that went away. Those of you in classes higher than 2003 just can't imagine what it was like.

That game was the greatest game that has ever been played. Everyone in the crowd, Aggies and longhorns, was so emotionally invested. We got the much needed win, needed emotionally, by the 12th Man completely disorienting their freshman quarterback. We all felt like we'd helped. But the best part was halftime. Normally we all sit down when the opposing band plays (the only time through the game that we sit). But at this game, the Texas band came out onto the field, played Amazing Grace, lowered their school's flags and raise an A&M flag. I never thought I would see the day when 80,000 Aggies would stand and whoop while the t.u. band played. It was an awesome moment, many tears were shed, and I am so grateful I got to be a part of it.

I don't really talk about Bonfire very much, because it still upsets me. But I thought it would be okay to share some memories on the anniversary of the fall. If you want, you can post a comment with some of your memories. It's important to remember.

Way to go, "Amer-ca," you really did it this time. My first go at American democracy has been met with sweeping defeat ... Bush was elected for the first time to serve his second term, and the Republickins have increased their influence in both the House and the Senate. So far, in the first two days of Bushito's second term, nothing of note has changed. Maybe it's because Jorge is on vacation at Camp David (big shocker there). I think if this trend of nothing changing or happening continues, that would be the best case scenario for the next four years. Any changes that Bush makes -- fiscal, political, legal, constitutional, moral, environmental, global, you-name-it-al, will certainly be a major step backward that will take time in the future to correct.

I think it's shrewd of him to reach out to Kerry supporters and call for a newfound unity in the country. Just about as shrewd as it was to couple votes on banning gay marriage to call out the evangelical voters in important state. Oh, that reminds me... to those voters who elected to ban gay marriage in those 11 states: Fuck you too!

Okay, after this picture, I'm done making commentary. I had an away message today that said something to the effect of, "What do you think? Canada or Australia?" It was by far the most responded to away message I've ever had. Looks like a lot of us are joining the hypothetical exodus. Keith gave the best arguments for Australia including cold Canadian weathers, fat Canadians, hot Australians, tanning, and American booze and cigarettes. True, we can get American booze and cigarettes in America, but we can also get them in Australia. I'm convinced! Edward sent me a link to this picture. I went ahead and linked back to the website where I stole it from just to be nice. Not that all of you wouldn't immediately recognize that I didn't make it since jebus is capitalized.

Tomorrow I'm going to the most worthless state in the union: Oklahoma! My sister is all impregnito and wants me to visit her. I've been promising for a long time that I would so I finally have to make good on it. I have to take my mom's car too so I can pick up a treadmill for my parents. I really don't like driving any car other than my own, especially on road trips, so I resisted the idea. My mom said, "Why? Because you can't smoke in my car?" and my response was, "Fuck, I didn't even think of that. Fuck." It should be a fun time though, my sister is pretty cool. Then next weekend its off to College Station to see Burns and Lauren dunk their rings. Plus, Kevin will be there! Yay! Later sluts, now go sit in the corner and think about what you've done ... for the next four years.

I am truly a resident of Dallas now. Today, I changed my cell phone number to a Dallas area code. While I don't really want to give it out on my webpage, I will tell you that the area code is now 214. Before you scoff at my generosity, consider this: I just eliminated 9,990,000,000 possibilities for you.

Not that any of this really matters. The other day I downgraded my cell phone plan after I realized I wasn't using all of the minutes I was paying for. On my original plan, I was paying for 600 anytime minutes a month. So far this month... I have used 19.

I think I may shave soon. Possibly tonight. Without going into too much detail, I have developed an uncontrollably runny nose, and TRUST ME, having a beard doesn't help matters one bit. I was gonna wait til I got my haircut, but the guy who said he would cut my hair never called me back, and now I changed my number. I don't want to harass him, but I might have to call again.

Despite having bought the blue 2000 Flushes for my toilet, every time I come home, the water in the bowl is red. I flush it and it's blue. I see it a few hours later, and it's red. I cannot fathom how this is possible, but during my investigations, I have effectively tinted my hand blue... seemingly permanently.

And the final thought of the day: I hate buying cigarettes when I'm drunk because I slur the word 'Marlboro' when I'm dead sober.

I have had so many things to tell you all, but I have, regretably, been far too lazy to put them down in text. I've had a couple grand epiphanies. First, I met my new friend RyanC. He lives in Deep Ellum, an area of town I am completely unfamiliar with. When I told my mother that I was going to Deep Ellum she told me I was going to get shot. But then again, she tells me that about just about everywhere I go so I thought nothing of it. Well, after finally finding RyanC's loft, I parked and we walked to Angry Dog for dinner. On the way, we passed by an agitated truck full of African-American gentlemen angrily throwing their fists in the air and screaming, "Black Power!" I just knew that was a good sign that they would instantly take a liking to me. When they saw RyanC and I, they started yelling, "Fuck the white man. Fuck the facist caucasions. Fuck you, you fucking white devil, you caucasion homosexual facist!" Which, I naturally took offense to, as I am a practicing facist.

But they drove off without incident and we enjoyed a wonderful meal and then drove down to the New Amsterdam Coffeehaus. This is my new favorite bar in all of Dallas. It was all dimly lit with like 40 chandaliers and its all goth inside. I love it. The best part of it is that whatever you order, it comes in a glass specifically designed for that drink, usually provided by the vendor. Proper glassware is so important. RyanC introduced me to what may very well be my new favorite fancy beer -- Moudite. If you ever get a chance to try it, jumponit. My epiphany from this endeavor was that I am wasting my time here in Dallas spending every weekend at JRs, Roundup and TMC. I'm not saying I'll never go there again, but I am going to make a conscious effort to find the good here, so that if someone ever happens to visit me, I can show them the true hot spots.

Last night was Brian's birthday/housewarming party. It was tres chic. Ryan S■■■ and I went shopping during the day and I got a kickass new outfit. But since I wore it to Brian's party, now I need another new outfit for ULDE:IYDKYDG. I looked good though, when, not if, I do say so myself. Brian claimed his party was the social event of the century, naturally making ULDE:IYDKYDG the social event of the millennium. I shouldn't be too sassy about it though, since Brian has graciously offered us all of his alcoholic left overs to reuse at our party. So it looks like there will be some liquor there, folks. My friend Marc and his friend Filipe joined us at the party. Marc is multi-lingual and uses it to his advantage. Whenever he wanted to say something private to Filipe, he spoke in French, when he wanted to tell me something, he used German. And then when he introduced himself to Chris Jones, he used English, which floored Chris. He was unimpressed with foreign languages, but blown away that he could also speak our native tongue. It was funny.

After the party everyone went over the Minc. But I got a text message from RyanC saying that he was at New Amsterdam CoffeeHaus again, which is like 3 doors down from Minc, so I went there instead. Good times, good times. Had a couple beers there to supplement my already healthy BAC. Ryan S■■■ drove home, naturally.

I had to go to my physical assessment today. Oh yes, kids, I joined a gym finally. I think Burns summed up what I expect to be the general reaction when he responded to my workout away message.

BURNSofive: what are you doing there? is it happy hour?

That should save you all from having to make your sassy comments. At the gym they measured my weight, my body fat, my arm strength, my endurance, and all this shit. It was kinda cool. The computer says that I have the body of a 21 year old and gave me suggestions on how to get down to the body of an 18 year old. Of course, if I knew a surefire way to get to the body of an 18 year old, I wouldn't be here typing this for all of you. Zzzzzing! But I cannot tell you how good it felt to work out again. I think this is really going to make my life better. Even though I was sweating Moudite the entire time, I walked out there thinking to myself, "Damn, I am a healthnut," as I lit my cigarette.

One final note, I seem to have just contracted a computer virus that is putting up away messages for me, so don't click any links on my away messages. Thanks and gig this!

Today was a productive day. I probably haven't mentioned my co-worker, Trey, in my blog as much as I have in real life. Trey is awesome. He's an old rednek with no formal education who is a jack of all trades. He's helping to train me at work. He talks ... really ... ... ... slow. It's awesome. He also happens to have pi memorized to 1250 digits. Today I made an Excel spreadsheet that would check him 10 digits at a time, and I sat and watched him successfully enter 500 digits in a row before I finally decided that I really wanted to go home. I told him I would memorize it out farther than him ... I'm up to 32 digits now. Don't believe me? 3.14159265358979323846264338327950, bitches. If you would like to race me on memorizing it, download my pi Excel sheet here.

This weekend was too much fun. Friday, I went on my lunch break at work ... and then decided that I really didn't want to go back. So at 1:00, I hit the road for College Station. Technically when my boss said, "Leave whenever you need to," I think he meant anywhere from 4:00 to 4:30. But you just can't say something like that to me and not expect me to take full advantage of it. I got into College Station around 4:00 and went straight to Hobby Lobby to visit Marshall while he worked. After a little bit of that I met up with Allison, her friend Brian (who is fab squared), and JonS■■■ for some evening cocktails. I picked up the tab because I have money and I spend it recklessly.

Halo on a Friday night, man I miss that. They were having some wicked drink specials, so after the nine of us drinking on my tab finished up, the total was only $50. Allison brought her friend Brian from earlier in the evening, and he in turn brought his friend James, who tried to open a tab behind my back, but I got it transfered to me. JonS■■■ came against his wishes because I promised him free drinks. Marshall and I got buck wild. Raul made a grand appearance, and Justin made his presence known. We definitely got our 50 bucks worth, drinking and dancing the night away. But you know me, my faithful Sidesho-Viewers. That's just not reckless enough for me. So I drunkenly vowed that on Saturday night, I would have a $200 bar tab. Everyone thought I was kidding ....

The next night when we went out, Marshall jokingly referred to my 200 dollar proclamation, to which I replied, "Let's do it." More drinking, more fun. Despite our best efforts, the total came to $85. In my defense, James was bartending, and being the good friend he is, he told me that he had "hooked me up BIG TIME." So jebus knows how much we actually managed to spend. It was way too much fun though. After the bar, Dick was having some people over to go swimming at his apartment. Raul and I swung by Marshalls for the half bottle of raspberry vodka I had purchased the day before and managed to drink that while wading in our underwear until 4am. It was crazy, crazy drunken fun. The kind of fun business professional people do not have. I can't wait to do it again soon.

Speaking of segues, I think I will do it again soon. I got a call from Chris, the boy who goes to Yale, for those of you who are bad with names. He was in Plano last night and he got to come by my house and then I gave him the full Plano experience by going to chit chat outside Starbucks with overpriced coffee and chain smoking. He is in CS through August and I will most certainly come back sooner than planned to visit him again before he whisks away back to the east coast. It was really good to get to see him and have a chance to sit down and talk about everything that's gone on in about the last seven months. Another reason I need to get back to CS in the near future is that I really need a haircut. I'm not backing out on my decision to never cut my hair again, but my last hair cut by the fat bitch at Toni & Guy was so bad that it's just not growing out right. So I'm going to get Hannah to fix it for the long haul.

The final piece of news is that I got to swing by Humble on Saturday from about 1:00 to 7:00. I went to see my 2 week old niece, Kaylyn. That was too much fun. She was sooo small and so cute. I got her some socks, a blanket and some shoes. I told you all how much I love shoes on babies, right? G*d, that cracks me up. They are too big for her at the moment, but I can't wait until she grows into them. She was so funny. She doesn't really have control of her arms or legs yet. She kind of flails around without rhyme or reason any time she gets upset. So when she yawns and her pacifier (otherwise known by its brand name, Soothie) falls out of her mouth, it is a challenge to get it back in her mouth before the screaming starts. Every time you get close, she knocks you out of the way. So my brother does this thing where he grabs her tiny hands and kind of holds them to her chest and says, "Let's get organized!" It was way too funny. Visiting Kaylyn will definitely have to be a priority in the months and years to come. I was thinking about going out of town for my 3 day weekend over Labor Day, but Stephen, Rachel and Kaylyn are coming to Dallas to visit, so I'm modoubly staying for that. Plus, I think Ryan S■■■ is having a party, so all you College Station boys should come up for that. Start making plans.

This blog is ridiculously long, but I had a lot to say, so I hope you enjoyed reading it. My call to action is for each of you to post your thoughts and experiences with pi, big bar tabs, and tiny babies. Until then, peace, my friends. And good night.

The first few weeks of work, I was really careful about not drinking coffee in the morning in an effort to avoid a caffeine dependency. That is completely out the window now. When I get to work, I am a complete wreck. I'm usually so tired that just keeping my eyes open gives me a headache. I usually try to just zone out for about an hour, and then my gal pal, Yue, and I go get coffee. Immediately after taking my first sip, I feel so much better. By the time I am done with the whole mug, I feel right as rain.

Of course, this high only lasts about an hour, so by the time 10:00 rolls around, I am crashing once again. At first I tried to get up and walk around, maybe endulge myself in a morning cigarette to get the ol' heart rate up (yes, smoking is my cardiovascular workout). But ultimately, I've found it works better to just take a quick cat nap. Napping at work has its own tricky requirements ... namely, not getting caught. That is SO unprofessional. I think I've pretty much mastered it, though, which is why I feel qualified to teach this course.

The first thing I figured out is that you MUST turn off your screen saver. There's no bigger give-away than staring at your idle screen. Most people are just going to be cruising by your cube and not even give you half a glance, so as long as something is open on your screen, you're fine. I like to use an Excel spreadsheet, cause its hard to read and looks busy. The other key is to nonchalantly block the direct line of sight anyone might have of your closed eyes. I like to rest my head on my hand, and cover up the exposed side of my face. I also try to sit like this whenever I am not sleeping, so it won't establish any discernable patterns. I also always, always rest my other hand on the mouse. Not only does this keep up the appearance of work, but if someone happens to walk in, you don't have to move a muscle to go from sleep to clicking around on the screen. Very smooth transition.

The last hurdle I couldn't figure out how to overcome was what happens when you have a visitor. It's easy enough to satisfy the passers-by who could give a shit less what I was doing to begin with. But a few times, my friends would walk into my cube and scare the shit out of me. And it is so obvious that you dozed off when someone says something and you jump. But today, I solved the problem. There you have it, folks. A picture is worth all thousand of those lousy words I just purged onto the screen. HEADPHONES! Headphones were the missing key. I put on headphones, but do not listen to music. But everyone thinks I am. Most of the time I will hear them walk in and there is no problem. However, if I've really gone into REM, it is completely justifiable that I didn't hear them come in, because I'm obviously blasting my ears with with something more palatable than the golden oldies coming in over the speakers. Then they generally bang on something, say my name really loud, or touch me on the shoulder ... all three of which would cause any music lover to jump (as if they were sleeping). It's brilliant!

Now all I have to do is make sure my coworkers don't read this site.

I am truly torn here, dear viewers. I sure do hate working, but damn it's nice having money. I guess that's how they trap you, like the buzz you get off of your first cigarette. Once you get used to having that money then you want more, and you have to work more to get it, and next thing you know you have a mortgage, thousand dollar car payment, angina and you're buying smokes by the carton.

I bought a carton of cigarettes the other day. In the five years that I've been smoking, I have rarely ever splurged on a carton of cigarettes. Not so much because I'm cheap (obviously) but because I hate committing to smoking all 10 packs, since I am always on the quest to quit. Well, not any more. I realized I'm wasting like a dollar on every pack I don't buy in a carton and that is stupid. Since I am so incredibly thrifty, right? I just dropped $100 on DVDs at Best Buy. I got some classics that were never in my collection just because everyone else has them. I just finished up Office Space and I may pop in Super Troopers until I fall asleep.

At least tomorrow is a Friday. Not that I have anything to look forward to, it's just inherently relaxing to know that you don't have to wake your ass up at 6am every day this week. I may get drunk, but I have no plans. I think Ben and I will go out and have drinks again since we had such a nice time at the Flying Saucer's Trivia Night the other night. And then Friday Brent is having a party that I was on the e-vite revised list for. That should be fun.

In our next episode, ViD will tell you all about his new notepad. Same Sidesho-Time. Same Sidesho-Channel. (Oooh, my first teaser ... melikes.) Czech you skillets latah.

I have to start with a few quick shoutouts as a part of the weekend wrap up. When you don't blog as often, things that were once really great blog fodder turn into stories on the way side. But I do want to mention that Friday night I went to Shuck and Jive with Maryann (my former daycare boss) and her daughter Ashley and then Keith met us up there. And then Saturday night I went to a party in Arlington at DAvid's house with Ryan H■■■■. Great times, great times.

But now there's more pressing news. I bought two new CDs yesterday and I have to tell you about them. I got The Calling's new CD (my favorite band) and while I was shopping around I saw and grabbed Ben Jelen's CD. Now, The Calling is just awesome. Their new CD is just as good if not better than their last, and that is a pretty huge compliment coming from me since I listened to their last CD on repeat for like years in a row.

But, the story is Ben Jelen. I liked his song "Come On" so I bought the CD. Cause if you know me well then you know that I've never burned a CD in my life. I'm a big advocate of supporting my favorite artists since music is a massive part of my life. Let me think how to phrase this.

Precious few of you have ever heard the full story of how important John Denver is to me ... or why. Long story short, the first time I ever heard Rocky Mountain High, I was in a particularly difficult period of my life around age 13, and the second I heard that song I had direction. I knew I wouldn't be happy until I could play guitar like that and sing like that. And that has been one of the most defining experiences of my life.

From the second I put on the Ben Jelen CD, I knew that he was something special. Let me put it this way. On a scale from one to John Denver, he ranks an 8. Most people don't even make it on the scale. Every song on this CD is so good that I don't ever want it to end. It's absolutely fucking amazing. Like beyond amazing. Go buy it now. I don't care if you don't get to eat for a month, buy this fucking CD. G*d, it's so good. Of course, he's also beautiful. And then there's the nostalgia factor ... if it wasn't for Ben Jelen I never would have met 27. The first time I met him at a party, I was talking to him because I thought looked like Ben Jelen. But even all of that aside, this whole album is fucking incredible. I cannot stress this enough.

The reason the title of this blog is "Mondays at Studio Movie Grill" is because my old friend Jay, better known to some as PlanoJay, is the bartender there on Monday nights. And he told me that any time I come in I can have whatever I want for free. So you know I'm there every Monday. I got kind of drunk tonight. And when I got home I wasn't hungry and I'd accidentally smoked like 5 cigarettes on the way home. So my mom was pissed that I got home way late, didn't want the food she'd saved for me, and smelled like an ashtray, but I think she'll get over it.

So ... go buy The Calling and Ben Jelen and then report back to me. TRUST ME, you won't be sorry on either account.

OUCH, my head hurts. It's 3:30 in the am ... I woke up a couple hours ago completely disoriented and confused as to what time it was, where I was, etc. Owen was watching TV and I was sleeping on the couch and the shows he was watching kept ending up in my dreams. It took me a few minutes to realize I wasn't the general of an army throwing people from a moving vehicle. God, why do I always have such murderous dreams.

Anyway, the reason my sleep schedule is so fucked up is because I pulled an all-nighter last night to finish a project. I did a piss poor job. I'm concerned I won't pass this class. Hopefully there will be a large curve. But I was already so tired to begin with, I couldn't believe I made it through the night and into the next afternoon. It was not without the help of coffee and cigarettes. I finally got to bed around 1pm and woke up at like 6. I thought perhaps I could stay up and be normal but after Owen and I ate at Fitz's, I crashed again, hardcore. This is not good because I have an assload to do by Thursday, but once again my stupid body is requiring food and sleep. It is so annoying like that.

The schedule for the next two weeks or so: Thursday, user manuals, installation guides, trouble shooting guides etc are due as well as the technical presentation and demonstration of our greenhouse project we've been working on for the past year. Probably the biggest hurdle. Friday-Saturday, feverishly finishing final documentation for that project, studying for a final in the class that I'm concerned about passing. Monday, take that final. Monday through Wednesday, work on a program that will test parameters of an Analog to Digital Converter that Owen and I haven't started yet. That is due Wednesday at noon along with our take home final. Wednesday night -- drink lots and lots, pray that grades go through. Friday at 9am, my graduation. After that, I will move all my stuff out of my apartment back home to Dallas. May 20th my lease is up and somewhere in there, I am going to California with Allison. Very hectic. Cannot wait to be done.

So if I don't update, please don't hate me. And for those of you moving back home for the summer and stuff, don't forget to bookmark SideshoViD.com and keep in contact with me. Where ever I go and whatever I do SVC will remain a constant way to see what I've been up to. I love you all, in spite of the fact that you are all a bunch of have-nots.

I guess everyone wasn't as excited about my flowers as I am. I continue to grow more excited each and every day as they continue to grow. The day that one of them blooms, drink are on me! (No, thats not a typo -- drink are on me!) In other news, Owen and I finished rearranging the living room finally. Everything is at an angle, but they're at different angles. It's very avant-garde. The spaces left in the corners by furniture being at wonky angles allowed me to put a little bit of back lighting, which I think really pulls the whole room together. Yay me.

Last night I went over to David27's to watch a movie with our old friend Michael P■■■. Good times. We watched Party Monster. It was a pretty good movie, I missed the beginning, but if you get a chance to see it I recommend. I brought a bottle of wine as per Mr. P■■■' request, and then he decided he didn't want to drink. But David27 did not have a corkscrew, so using a round thing and a hammer, Michael hammered the cork into the bottle instead of pulling it out. Ingenious. I never would have thought to do so. Why, oh why must I always think inside the box?

I've decided not to return home for jebus's second birthday. I would have to drive there and back all in like one day and I hate doing that. Plus the whole church fiasco will reer its ugly head betwixt the parentals and I. Besides that, I think I am deathly ill. It feels like someone has been standing on my chest for like 2 days now. And I can cough until the cows come home but nothing will come up. Maybe I'll try not smoking and see how that affects things. As it is, pity me! I'm sick! Check you sluts later.

In order to keep up with the foreign exchange program we've got going on, it was College Station's turn to go visit the Dallas kids. Everyone rearranged their work schedules (well, not me cause I have no job or responsibilities) and we decided to leave at noon on Saturday. The crew was comprised of 27, Marshall and Thommi. I said we were absolutely, positively leaving at noon, whether they were there or not, no questions asked, just leaving.

Around noon, I woke up and started getting ready. I had no intentions of leaving at noon, but I figured that setting an early, firm deadline was the only way to get there before midnight. We ended up arriving at Ryan S■■■'s loft around 5:00, which left us enough time to go to the Northpark Mall. I bought this shirt at Guess that is inside out. It's so me. Like, the shirts not inside out, but the material is. I'm in love with the shirt. We got back, visited the quaint little liquor store on the first floor, and then started getting ready. Two really loud girls ended up in tow with us, one was 27's best friend, the other I have no idea. Once we were ready we went to Ryan H■■■■■■'s party.

That was alright, but there sure were a lot of people in one small space and I think he forgot to pay his A/C bill that month cause it was toasty. And we could only smoke on the balcony that is the size of my coffee table. And the boy who was drinking an entire bottle of wine, from the bottle, was talking about his faith in his lord and saviour, jebus christ, and how he never tests him with more than he can handle. An excellent topic to have at a boozefest while endulging in far too much of the sacramental fluids. The cops showed up, shook things up. The plan was to go out to the Village anyway, so it hastened everyone's retreat. Chaos ensued. My clan hopped into someone else's car and were whisked away, leaving me and Ryan's roommate, David, to walk back to Ryan's apartment to get my car and drive ourselves to the club. Charming. To be fair, Ryan did offer us a ride back to the apt but since I was under the impression that we were all going to meet up back there, I said we would just walk. Turns out, that was also our ride to the club.

So I was a little nonplussed by the situation. When we got back to the apartment I saw Marshall walking out and said, 'Wait, where are you going?' 'To the club!' he gleefully replied as he walked out the door. I was drunk enough that I didn't really want to drive, I hate driving (and especially parking) downtown, and David did not want to go ... all of this culminated into this final straw and I proclaimed, 'Fuck 'em. I'm not going.' So I did just that. David and I went to the gas station to get some beer and cigarettes, and we sat and watched movies. David is really cool and has the same sense of humor that I do, and we are never afforded the opportunity to hang out just the two of us, so I had a blast.

I chugged beers all night until I passed out. I don't remember the rest of them getting home, but passing out on Ryan's bed worked out to my advantage cause I didn't have to sleep on the hardwood floors. The next day we went and got smoothies and sandwiches and then made the long drive home. All in all, it was an excellent weekend, and we can't wait to do it again. In fact, it may be next weekend since Clay is coming home from Spain to get his wisdom teeth out and has promised me a bottle of Absinthe. Oh yeah, and I'm off carbs and am no longer blonde.

I got that outfit I wanted, but when I got home the shirt was fucking huge so I couldn't wear it. We got ready anyway and went to see Starsky and Hutch. I didn't bust out crazy laugh at all but I did laugh constantly through the whole movie. I would suggest it to all of you. The movie ran a little late so we had to call Christopher's to push our reservation back about 20 minutes. We went home and freshened up and then it was off to the restaurant.

Ohhhh emmmm geeee. We started off at the bar enjoying a couple glasses of wine while we waited for our table to be ready. There was a live jazz trio that was pretty cool. Our table was ready after only a short wait so we took a seat. We were so prim and proper all sitting up with correct posture and everything. It was so fun. Allison ordered the mediterranean salmon and I had a duck breast in a blueberry sauce. Holy fuck. You can't imagine how wonderful the food was. It came with all kinds of vegetable sides -- mashed potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes, some kind of greens, rice, and these little sweet potato crispy things. That's all I can remember. Needless to say it was fucking decadent. We also treated ourselves to a bottle of 2000 Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon. It was definitely not the cheapest bottle available, but not nearly the most expensive either. Delicious! Just when we thought we couldn't eat another byte, they had to bring around the dessert cart. A raspberry chocolate truffle?! Give me a break. I will do anything for raspberries. It was incredible. Allison's said "Happy Birthday from Christopher's" in chocolate around the edge of the plate. Very classy. Thank you for taking me, Allison!

We could barely move after the meal was over. Allison was out for the count, going home to go to bed, but I had social obligations. I was supposed to go that concert with Marshall. Unfortunately, I was too full to do anything. David27 came over and I slowly but surely got ready to go out. Sometime after midnight we finally ended up at Halo, had a few drinks, met up with Marshall, Sonia and Chevy, and then went home.

When we got home Owen was complaining that someone in the parking lot was playing Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" entirely too loud, so me and 27 went to tell them to shut up. It was two girls jammin out in a car after coming from Northgate. As it turned out, it was Erin, the girl that I got into an accident with in my parking lot. She was with her friend Courtney and they invited us to go back to Erin's apartment to party with them. She lives in the apartment like next to mine but upstairs. It was so close. We took some beer with us and sat on her porch drinking and smoking cigarettes and bullshitting. They were so cute and fun. They said they want to go out with us tonight to Halo and I'm totally going to invite them. I will have to let you all know how that turns out. Ryan S■■■ is currently en route to College Station with 3 Dallas boys in tow. Tonight is sure to be crazy. More on that, after this....

I am so lucky. I'll give you twenty-seven guesses as to why but you'll only need one. These past couple weeks have been some of the best in recent memory. It's nice to have a constant partner in crime who likes to sit and watch home improvement shows and smoke too many cigarettes. I'll rip your face off and chop it in a million pieces.

In other news, Allison made reservations for us to eat at Christopher's on Friday. For those of you from out of town, Christopher's is the only nice restaurant in like a 100 mile radius. I'm really excited cause I've never eaten there before. Her parents said we could go eat there as a birthday present. Get excited! Then she bought tickets for us to see Starsky and Hutch but I already promised Marshall I would go see this band play at the Groove. We're gonna have to remedy that situation. I talked to Marshall and he was cool with it even though he said he wouldn't be if I tried to back out. But whateryagonnado? For my graduation Allisons parents are gonna pay for us to eat at Messina Hof. How fun is that? Maybe I should remind my parents that they didn't get Allison a graduation present and see if we can go to P.F. Changs in Houston or something.

I really want to go shopping before all the boys from Dallas get here on Saturday but I doubt I'm gonna have a chance. Ryan S■■■ had so much fun during his night here out at Halo that he convinced like 10 of his friends from Dallas to come down and stay in a motel and get shitcanned College Station style. We're gonna be sure to show them how we do. Chevy is coming into town on unrelated business so I'm sure she (and hopefully Ms. Sonia as well) will join us in our revelry. If anybody else wants to join in just let me know. I'm planning on drinking on Saturday from about 7pm until about 5am. Which means this one will be on beer all night as to monitor my alcohol intake, since Aaron always tries to kill me and almost always nearly succeeds.

It's like 5am and Im just now starting to get to bed. Shouldn't have taken that nap tonight after waking up at 2pm. Oh well, I had fun doing it ... SO fun. Catch you sluts lata.

Pertinent information for everyone to know? Let's see. I backed into my neighbor in the parking lot. Or we backed into each other, rather. Her name is Erin. She was a delightful girl with a scratched up, cracked bumper. I bought the Nelly Fruit-ado CD because I want to be like Marshall. I saw Flock of Seagulls reunite. They weren't as good as they used to be and their hair is nowhere near its former radness. I almost went out like that the other night. Ryan S■■■ gets to meet Cameron F■■■ in 4 weeks and I am jealous. Tommy and I started working out, my chest and triceps are very sore. And I haven't smoked in three days. I lost my job at the space center, damn politics. But I already scored a new profession in the web design business once I learn how to do what these rich old men want. My new songs of the day all fucking rawk. I talked to Steve-o last night for the first time in months. He works at Central Market in Austin and has a mohawk. My professor sent out an email to have an impromptu class period today. Is he allowed to do that? I'm already tired of school even though I've only been to about 1.5 total hours of class. I can't stay awake for more than 30 minutes. My wonderful yoga teacher from last semester forced me back into her class. She is lovely. Peace, I'm outta here.

Welcome loyal Sidesho-Viewers. I know that I haven't been very quick with the cruise, new years, travelling, etc. updates, but I assure that a long blog none of you will finish is on its way. It's just that so much has happened in the past week that its daunting to sit down and try to fit it into a few paragraphs.

The cruise was a blast. I have pictures to show you, but didn't get a chance to post them yet. I was finally honest. New Years was a blast. We drank free champagne and smoked Cuban cigars. Happy 2004 to all of you, resolve to check my webpage more often. Coming back to College Station was tumultous. I learned that despite my best efforts, maybe I am actually a mature and caring person, and managed to avoid what would have probably been one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

Now its time to return to Dallas. There's no reason for me to hang around here. It's not like I went to work today anyway. I have a dentist appointment on Tuesday and a possible cavity, so I don't want to miss that. Think of me often in the next few days, I know not when I will return. Thank you, and good night.

Welcome Sidesho-Viewers. Today I greet you all from the interior of Club 511, my new home away from home. I've been all about the firsts lately, so I thought I would give Ms. Leslie B■■■■■ the honor of watching me whilst I update. She is, naturally, one of my most loyal viewers, and most deserving of this. We are closing out my 32nd hour of being awake. It's been a long ass time since I've been awake for this long, and I can't say that its entirely enjoyable. However, the many beers of Leslie's that I've drank and the 'martin-ay' that I drank at Chili's are helping to take the edge off just a tad.

This is the second time this week that I have stayed awake to watch the sun rise due to school. I fuckin hate school, but its over now and there's nothing anyone can do about it. I was totally supposed to go to work today but hahahahaha. So when I finally finished my paper this afternoon around 12:30 I decided to check my email. After that, it was most definitely time to get drunk with Leslie so I woke her ass up and invited myself over.

Now I find myself nestled on the most comfortable couch with far too many people. I vowed to LESLIE, Rick, and Ty, that I would stay up and party until we go to Northgate to watch Aaron dunk his ring and Josh re-dunk his right (What? who does that?). I will do my best, and I'm a total trooper. Ms. B■■■■■ and I (who together comprise B■■■■■'s Photogrizzaphs) are supposed to sojourn to Houston tomorrow to take some pictures of office furniture. My uncle resales the shit, but me being the artist I am totally have an idea to, like, sell the shit out of this stuff. We're gonna have Leslie pose erotically on top of all the furniture. It's GOLD!

Leslie totally has a wireless router inside her apartment which has totally allowed me the mobility to continue updating despite the fact that we have travelled outside the confines of Club 511. I am now smoking while updating ... Another first! I completely feel (and look, as was confirmed by Leslie) like Carrie Bradshaw. Is it really our inner selves that dictate our relationships or are we all just playing the inner child?

I have to go now before I have any more fun, because there is much more to be had as the night progresses. Hopefully, I'll be awake and cognizant for all of it. Catch you sluts on the flip side. Peace out, have nots.

Last night I was sitting on the couch, as usual, watching FoodTV, as usual, and chatting with a few friends, as usual. My computer blue screened out of nowhere and started dumping physical memory, as it has done a few times in the past. No big deal. I stood on my head while I waited for it to reboot. When I could stand it no longer I came out of the headstand and checked on my computer. It was taking an exorbitant amount of time to scan files or something. No bother, I went and did a modified Scorpion against the wall. When I came back again, it was telling me that Windows no longer works. I couldn't get it to boot up in any way, shape or form last night. Luckily I still have my PC so I don't have to unplug, but it is going to be a colossal head ache to get that fixed, especially because I have no clue what the problem might be.

I'm making meager, albeit real, progress on some of my goals. Today for lunch, I had a salad. And I haven't had a drink or smoke yet. I got one lab completed and made progress on two final projects. The promiscuous behavior and heroin addiction will have to wait until the Solstice Break.

Don't you hate it when you spray cologne on and you mistakenly inhale and bring the vapor deep into your mouth? I have a new hobby to go along with blogging. When something happens that I want to blog about, but I've already blogged for that day or I'm not in the mood, I jot a reminder down on a text file on my laptop (which is now kaput). Anyway, I had a note that said 'cologne in mouth.' I thought of this because it happened to me the other day, and I realized that cologne, much like vanilla extract, tastes nothing like it smells. Not that there are many colognes that I especially want to eat (welll...). Anyway, this was brought back to my attention when Marshall and I pulled up to the club and he sprayed on some cologne in the car and then started bitching about it getting in his mouth. I figured it must be an epidemic and I should address the issue the next chance I got. I dunno, just an observation. I got nothing left.

I've been having a lot of fun lately. I like having fun. But if I don't stop, there are going to be dire consequences ... dire like I haven't seen since my freshman year. It seems like a lot of the blogs around me have been delineating their goals for the rest of the year, and I realized it was time for me to do the same. If I don't figure out what I want to do with my life, how will I ever know when I fail?

So here goes my list of goals for the remainder of 2003:

• Get whiter teeth
• Tan the hide
• Lose 10lbs of fat
• Gain 15lbs of muscle
• Touch nose to knee
• Do the Scorpion
• Stop spending money
• Stop drinking
• Stop smoking
• Clean car
• Clean house
• Finish schoolwork
• Have a wonderful Thanksgiving

Well I got a little carried away. I didn't realize there were so many unsatisfactory points of my life until I sat down to make a list. I guess I'll go wash some dishes .....

My life is a perpetual hangover. I would go into more detail on that statement and get philosophical, but you all know that is not what this webpage is about. What is it about?

Well, last night Dustin and Trey came over for an ice cream party. I had a craving the other night for raspberries. I may or may not have revealed this little fact before, but I will do anything for raspberries. If you're ever at the bargaining table with me, money's not very effective ... bring raspberries. I knew they were out of season, so they were a tad expensive, but they were sooo worth it. I brought them home and threw a handfull of sugar on top of them, and they just melt into this raspberry sludge that made me giddy. So, I bought some ice cream and put the berries on top.

Dustin, being Dustin, brought a bottle of wine with him and we sipped on that til it was gone, and then decided to go out. I got drunk and ended up leaving with Raul and Terysa and partying back at Terysa's crib. It was a lot of fun, but I woke up hungover again and my throat is on fire. I hadn't smoked all last week and it is amazing how quickly your throat gets acclimated to not being singed every hour. I met a bunch of people last night. Raul mentioned SideshoViD.com. Anytime people find out that I have a webpage, they immediately want to be on it. Even if they've never seen it and don't know the url. This was the case with Brandon, but I promised him, nonetheless, that I would mention him. Ryan Byrd showed up at the shindig as well. It's never a party without him. And Josh Sievers seems to think I don't talk about him enough, which is probably true. And naturally, if I mention Josh I don't want Leslie to get jealous. They were both out at the club last night, and its always a pleasure to run into them (don't worry, they're okay).

On another note, the money is still up for grabs. The picture that Sean got was of a guy with a really long braided rat tail. The guy deserves our derision, but he is not Padawan Boy. So keep snapping pictures! I didn't want Sean to feel bad, so I thought I would include his picture anyway. Nice shot, btw, especially considering it was taken with a phone.

Last little note: Thanksgiving is set for December 10th. That is the Wednesday in two weeks, aka the first day of the Dead Days this semester. You are all invited, however, I would appreciate it if you would let me know if you want to come. And in order to get in the door you have to contribute something to the feast. If you don't cook, a loaf of bread, a bottle of wine, a case of beer ... all these are appropriate. I might also need another fold-out table or some chairs. That would depend on who is coming. I just can't make as many sides this year because I have a small crappy kitchen, whereas this summer we had a big kitchen and 3 of them right next to each other to use. It will still rule though because my turkeys are the best. Hope to see most of you there!

I saw Kill Bill (vol 1). This is the movie where Britney Spears dresses up like Bruce Lee and fights with swords. I have yet to enjoy a "Quintin Tarrentino" movie that I've seen, so it shouldn't surprise me that I didn't appreciate Kill Bill. However, I will say that there were many, many redeeming qualities that I hope and pray some filmmaker I enjoy will steal and use. Fighting in the dark with nothing but shadows -- very cool. Excellent wire effects. Great soundtrack, all fights should be set to cool music. On the negative side: ridiculous amounts of gore ... I got a little queasy at a couple parts. Anime is not cool, not even when you try to be artsy about it. That's my official review. It was worth the money, but just barely.

I spent yesterday running around town putting together my Halloween costume with Allison. We're doing the themed thing again. As soon as I'm done sewing, we'll take a picture and I'll throw it up here. Until then, hold your breath.

Have I said lately how much I enjoy Martha Stewart. She is so great. And truth.com ads drive me to smoke more. Not surprising that they are funded by Phillip-Morris. Smart people working there. Evil, but smart.

Lastly, I got a shoutout from the past today that absolutely made my day. Anytime people tell me they read my webpage (which has been happening a lot lately, I'm starting to blush) it makes my day, but this one was from my old elementary school flame.

MissyHo12: i just had to give a shout out to my boyfriend for 3-5th grade. wanted to let you know that i frequent your website and find it laugh out loud hysterical! thought i'd say and let you know that! take care

I took a midterm today that I think I bombed. That sucked and it was very stressful. My boss is in China for a week now so I have yet to make it to work this week. And I'm broke. Like absolutely broke. That is all I have to update you on for now. Viva la vid.

Last night I decided I needed a proper meal, so I coerced Owen into going to Outback Steakhouse with me. Holy shit, it was the best meal I've ever had. I got this $25 steak, and it was rare, and fatty, and bloody ... and oh my god. I still get happy when I think about it now. It was dead on what I was looking for. It reminded me of the scene in the Matrix where Cypher is meeting with Agent Smith and has the red wine, and red steak, and cigar. Only I had a bigass Coors light, red steak and a cigarette. It was absolutely incredible. Some day I will eat like that every day.

In other news, I have a few humorous stories that I should probably spread over the next few days when I run out of things to talk about, but I just can't wait and I don't want to forget them.

The other day I saw an American flag bumper sticker that said, "These colors don't run. Never have. Never will." And it was completely faded by the sun.

This sorority bitch on the bus this morning was talking on her cell phone entirely too loud (like they always do) and said to her friend, "I don't know how half the people got into this university much less to the point they are at. Charles was a softmore in college and didn't know how to do a bibliography. Can you believe it? A SOFTMORE! A SOFTMORE in college and he didn't know." And no, children, I'm not the idiot here, I'm typing it exactly how she was saying it. Very clear with the T.

I was walking behind two girls on campus today after yoga, and eavesdropping as I often do. And they were talking about Jesus. Only it was the weirdest conversation about Jesus I had ever heard before. They were saying things like, "We had Jesus at our party," and, "Jesus everywhere." So I kept listening trying to figure out what kind of whacko Christians these were. It wasn't until I overheard her say, "Yeah, we had them all ... Cheddar, Provolone, Swiss..." that I realized I was an idiot with a hearing problem.

It finally happened, and just shy of two weeks into the semester. I skipped my first class. We all knew this was going to happen sooner or later, but I'd always assumed it would be on a Friday morning. 8:00's are beat up, as Brandon would put it.

I needed a drink last night so I went out to Northgate with my good buddy Keiff. We used to work at Jiffy Lube together. So I had a couple scotches on the rockses and he had a couple gins and tonics. Miss Allison showed up with her new grad student friends. Me and Keith did not withhold our opinions of these gentlemen but we did politely wait until we were alone to express them. Then we went home around midnight. And believe it or not, Keith was a bad influence on me. He's got me drinking during the week, and then coerced me to smoke a cigarette when we got back to his place. So we're back to hour 9 of being smoke free. Nobody said this would be easy.

So anyway, delightfully liquored up and nerves finally calmed, I came home, chatted for a while, and then feel into a deep sleep I've not felt in days. When the alarm went off at 7am, I just so happened to be enjoying the most wonderful dream imaginable, the details of which I will leave to your imaginations, and I plum decided to turn the fucking alarm off and finish out the dream. It ended with me waking up in a complete stranger's house with an iguana running loose and me deciding to just take a shower and then crawl out the window. So it ended a little strange, but whatever. I needed that. So now I'm off to tackle the day. So long, suckers.

A lot of people seemed to enjoy my character profile of the sorority bitches, so I've got another one for ya. This person that bothers me lives in the rec center weight room. Now I'm sure there are a number of people in the rec center weight room that get on your nerves, but strangely, only one gets my goat.

I go to get a drink of water from the fountain, and naturally, there's a line. I mean I usually go during peak hours, so its not uncommon to have as many as 5 or 6 people in line for each water fountain. No problem. And when its finally my turn to take a swig, the asshole in front of me who has just finished slaking his thirst, stands up, turns 180 and bumps into me. He's not trying to be rude. One look into his eyes and you will know that the utter shock of there being someone behind him is genuine. But come on people, lets try to remain mildly cognizant of our surroundings out there, okay?

On a side note, I am venturing into my 37th hour of no smoking. There are a couple of reasons for my little experiment none of which deal with health issues. For one, its pure masochism. Translate emotional unrest to physical discomfort and watch it all dissipate. Secondly, my yoga teacher made us each come up with three long term goals for the semester and one of mine was to reduce the frequency and amount of smoking. I've been in the corporate game all summer, I know better than to word a goal so there aren't any loopholes. Anyway, if this is met with any amount of success then I'll keep you all posted; otherwise, I'll just let it fall by the wayside. I'm outtie.

500 more miles on the car, 500 more P-town memories. Lets recap, shall we? The whole reason that I even decided to go home was because my brother from California was in town and I haven't seen him in a long time. But as it turned out, I didn't get to see him even once the whole time I was home because he was busy with one of his best friends marrying his wife's little sister. It all sounded a little incestual if you ask me.

So Friday night I dropped in on Simply Fondue to see my friend Blake that I haven't seen in a while. We chit chatted for a while and then I went home. Saturday I was woken up by JennyC■■■ who wanted me to go to Stonebriar mall with her. And I did just that. We shopped for new clothes for her for a while with her mom and then I decided that I needed to find a new outfit to go out in since I had made some plans so I went to Willowbend. I walked around for a long time and didn't find jack shit to wear. It was pathetic. I was getting frustrated and had an entire day to kill since my family was all at the wedding, so I stopped into Toni & Guy and asked if they had any appointments available. They had one open but it was with the top designer guy so it was more expensive. Sounded good to me. An hour and a half later, I walked out of there looking and feeling like a million bucks.

I went to Coach then because my friend Clay that I was going out with works there and I needed to discuss our plans. He got off at 9:30 and then came to pick me up. We ended up at a bar called Minc around 11:00. We had one drink there but it was really dead because there was some huge $40 cover charge party going on elsewhere that everyone was supposedly at. So we decided to go downtown to the Village. I'd never been there before, and after skipping out on the line and the cover charge by darting in the ajar "Re-entry Only" door, we made our rounds. Not 10 minutes after being there, who do I run into but my old pal Ryan S■■■. I didn't even know he was going to be there. That was too much fun. We caught up on all the pertinent gossip. The cool thing about every other fucking city on the face of the planet besides College Station, Texas is that when the bars stop serving alcohol they don't turn on all the lights and kick you out.

I started noticing though that Clay, who had driven to the club, was almost doubling my alcohol intake, so I decided to switch to water in anticipation of having to drive home. Its a good thing I did too. We ended up staying until about 3:30 in the morning dancing to the best remixes of today's hottest hits. I was completely drenched when we left. It was so much fun. Clay had to crash at my house for the night, but since we had 4 empty bedrooms that wasn't a problem.

Today I woke up and went swimming for a while, got my first taste of the sun this summer. I got packed and ready to go and then met Chevy at Starbucks to share some smokes and stories, just like in the days of yore. Now I'm back home in College Station and I'm really rarin' to go for this next week of work. Hope you all had as much fun as I did this weekend and I will see you on the ol' flip side.

I am back in College Station, folks, and I have to say ... it appears as though nothing has changed. I had a good time on my impromptu semi-annual Spring Break tour of Texas. I'd like to take you on a journey now, if I might. A journey through my week.

I arrived in Austin on Sunday evening and first went to JennyC■■■'s friend's house. Her name was Lindsey and she actually lived up in Pfluggerville, just north of Austin. Its not half as fun to be there as it is to say the name. We ended up playing Speed Scrabble for half the night. Pearl and Matt P■■■, two friends from high school, were supposed to be in town to take me out and show me a good time in Austin, but when I called them to see what the dillyo, they were in Houston and not coming back anytime soon. So I was stranded in Pfluggerville. Believe it or not, with very little prodding, I actually convinced JennyC■■■ to go to 6th Street with me. Several things about this make it amazing. First, Jenny doesn't drink or party and had never even been to 6th street despite being a t-sip. Secondly, Jenny is a staunch Mormon these days and generally separates herself from situations ... situations that I call "my life," for instance. Thirdly, this was a Sunday night, the day that should be spent feeling shame and remorse, not having fun.

However I did it, though, I managed to cajole her out to the bars. First we headed to Shadow Lounge or something to that effect. We went there because Steve-o was hanging out in Austin and I was gonna hang out with him. When we walked in though, there was a shadow of a girl dancing suggestively and loud heavy rock music blaring. This proved too much for Jenny's fragile defenses toward all things carnal, so after I said my brief hellos to Steve-o, we had to split. We ended up finding a nice little bar that was all green on the inside and had trees and shit. Tres chic. I had a couple drinks and Jenny got served for free, since her drinks had no alcohol in them. And when I say no alcohol, I mean no alcohol. Alcohol free!

We stayed that night at Jenny's friend Fabian's house. So I wanted to thank him for his warm hospitality and comfy drop cloth to sleep on. The next day we went shopping on the drag but art majors don't generally shop ... or eat or drink or listen or watch or associate ... with anything trendy, so I was basically shopping by myself. I called up Brandon and he met me out there so I would have someone to actually venture into the stores with me. Our final destination of the evening was the movie theater where we saw The Hours. I don't feel like I'm exaggerating when I say The Hours is the worst movie ever made. Under no circumstances should it be viewed by anyone. In fact, I left the theater once to have a cigarette because I was so fucking bored, and again at the end to catch the last 15 minutes of Shanghai Knights. The Hours was horrible. Worst movie ever. Thats what you get for going to the theater with art majors.

After that rousing viewing experience, I decided to hop in the car and drive to San Antonio. It was already around 10:30 but the prospect of another night on the floor of a painty apartment prompted me to make the midnight trek. I hung out with Kevin for about an hour before we went home and went to bed. His Spring Break is next week so he still had class to go to early in the morning. Tuesday night we went to this badass bar called Cheerleaders. And when I say "badass" I mean "totally lame." I pissed and moaned until we left and went back to Todd's house to drink. I ended up drinking all night long while debating political and social issues with people who were turned a little bit backwards and needed a good smack upside the head, although to do so would have negated my entire point. It was still fun though.

I opted to stay and extra day since I was hungover the next day until dusk and didn't feel much like driving home in the dark. So I got up this morning at like 7 when Kevin was getting ready for school and I hit the open road. Now, I find myself back in College Station. I have plenty to do in the remainder of my week. I have a document/presentation due Tuesday. Thats my most pressing concern. I would also like to work out, do my laundry and clean my room. We'll see if that ever actually happens.

Now, each of you, don't leave me hanging. Hit me back with a comment instead of an IM to let me know how your Spring Break is going/went. Hope you had as much fun as me. Peace, I'm outta here.

Sigh, its that time again. That time when I have nothing better to do than sit down and update my webpage. You're in luck though because I have a really good story for you all. Well, actually, its just a good story to me, you might hate it, but I don't care.

So Joseph came over last night to get drunk with me. We had some Coors and Stones and sat around bullshitting. We went outside for a smoke and there were two girls standing outside my house, so we started talking to them. It turned out that one of them used to live in my neighbor's duplex, and they were just visiting. They were attending a party in the next building down from me and invited us to go over there with them. Aight, so we went.

We walk in and every guy there is like 8 feet tall and 250 lbs, and every girl is skinny, blonde, and huge-breasted. I was wearing a sweatshirt and a tennis head band. Me and Joseph, Matt and Suds ... mosdef stood out like sore thumbs. So the party starts dying down and Joseph recognizes all of these guys as being A&M football players. He sees Duwan Gentry, who plays corner back, and in his drunken state decides to go talk to him. Joseph's all "Hey whatsup Duwan, how do you like Franchionne?" and this guy does NOT want to talk to Joseph, he's all flipping thru his cell phone numbers looking for an out. And then Cody Scates walks in and Duwan was like "What'd you say Cody, hold on I'll be right there" and makes his escape. I guarantee you that Cody didn't say a word to him. It was so funny.

So that's my story. I love crashing parties, it is so hilarious especially when you really don't belong there. At least I don't have purple hair anymore, that always threw a monkey wrench in the crashing process. Oh well, I'm sick of blogging, czech you skillets later.

Eat, sleep, build circuits, and blog. That's all I ever do. I am seriously considering unplugging after this weekend. By unplug I mean, literally unplug my computer and not be online except when its necessary for school for like an entire week. Its getting to be a problem how much I sit at this stupid computer and waste my life. Anyway, that's my random editorial.

Not much excitement. Although I do have one good story. I was getting out of my symphony class and going to eat when I ran into Todd. He insisted that I sit down on this bench and have a cigarette with him. It was right across the street from Sbisa, so I obliged. We hadn't been there 2 minutes when this total hippy on a skateboard eats pavement right in front of us. He fell forward and his flip flops fell off and stuff. It was really entertaining. So me and Todd agreed that was probably the funniest thing we'd seen all day. As if that wasn't enough, probably like 60 seconds later, I turn to see this girl completely flip upside down on her bike. This guy that was walking by and saw the whole thing caught my eye and all 3 of us lost it and just busted out laughing crazy style. He said that she'd tried to jump down the curb and turned her wheel sideways before she landed and then just flipped upside down. It was REALLY funny. So that made my fucking day. I love taking pleasure in the embarassment of other.

So back to my symphony class. We finally got our real professor back. He was off in Rio de Jenero (or however you spell that) conducting an orchestra for the first 3 weeks of class and we had this total loser teaching us. But our prof is back and he's a badass. I really like him. He has this cool hispanic-type accent, and he memorized almost everyone's name on the first day. Needless to say, that class is now enjoyable and I feel like I'm learning something. And if I'm not learning anything, then I'm enjoying being told something I already know. So now I won't be skipping that class anymore like I was for a while there. So that's good news. No worries about failing a gimme now.

Ehhh, that's really all that's goin on. You'd thing someone with a life as boring as mine wouldn't even bother having a blog, but .... you'd be wrong. If you've got a good bike accident story or something along those lines, go ahead and drop a note and let everyone else know. Talk amongst yourselves. Thanks and gig this.

First order of business: Happy Birthday and congratulations to Arash, who just turned 21 years of age. My sincerest apologies for not indicating this joyous day on the blog. But there it is, folks, right from the horse's mouth. Also, thanks to Delilah for her delightful email. Its always good to hear from Da Momma. There is one thing I might clear up, that I might not have mentioned.

I get this question again and again, "Where did your friend's links go?" In short, they're gone, but I'm sure you already figured that out. Unfortunately sometimes when one tries to do something lighthearted, fun, and entertaining such as friend bios, it turns political. There were too many people out there who felt they deserved to be on the friends list without applying, those who actually applied (you sad, sad individuals), and those who were booted off the list for pissing me off. There were several people who fit into each of these categories all of whom were mad about it. In order to remedy the problem in the easiest and most efficient manner, I simply deleted the friends links. Besides, its better this way. Now we can all focus on whats really important... ME!

Wailp, tonight I am looking forward to being in the Thompson lab all night. Yeah, you know that building to the left there, that picture isn't a joke. During the week I seriously fucking live there. If you need to talk to me just hang out on the stairs there in that picture, I'll be outside for a smoke about every hour, since that damn lab is so stressful. Just in case any of my group is reading this (even though I think Torrey is the only one who does), my group is wonderful, and we're gonna make an A! No more lies, time to go take a nap while watching Blade before my meeting with the Bob @ 4.

End of line.

What a crazy and fun Friday night. That's how they should all be. The evening began at Fazoli's with Keith to get some dinner. I had the lasagna with broccoli. It looked gross but tasted great. The breadstick girl gave me attitude because I made fun of her for flirting with Keith. I was chewing on a lemon and she came by to tell me that she used to eat lemons when she was little. So I said, "Yeah, well I used to be fat when I was little." No I'm kidding, but that's what the old immature me would have said. I didn't really retaliate except by making her throw my trash away.

After I was fetted and full, I went to Ryan and Todd's to commence the binge drinking session. We played 6-Cup, our favorite drinking game. Its a lot like Power Hour in that you don't ever have to really drink all that much at once, but after you've been playing a while, it hits you pretty hard. I was playing with Ryan, Todd, David, and Joseph. Sometime around 3am everyone started passing out, but me and Joseph were still wide awake. I got a call from Allison telling me she was at a killer party and that I should stop by. So I called Keith and had him drive me and Joseph over to Allisons.

When we got there, there was no alcohol except for some Skyy drinks that belonged to some girl. So we drank those, but we weren't supposed to so we had to disguise the fact that we were drinking these bright blue bottles. I put mine in a Keebler's Crackers box, and Joseph hid his in a neon yellow fanny pack. Soon after we got there, everyone started going home or passing out, which sucked. We could have passed out on the floor of Allison's duplex, but I really wanted my bed and Joseph was gonna sleep on my couch. There was only one way to make it home though ... and that was to walk.

For those of you who are familiar with College Station, we walked from Welsh & Southwest Pkwy to Texas & Holleman. Its pretty damn far and it was a little chilly. We ran into one guy who was sitting on his porch smoking a cigarette so we stopped and had a smoke with him. I don't remember if he was cool, but we'll just say he was. By then it was probably around 4am. We happened to be walking right by Leslie's apartment, and despite the fact I hardly ever talk to her anymore, I decided I would like to see her so I called her cell phone. She didn't answer but I left a message that said "Hey it's David. I'm just about to walk by your apartment and thought I'd stop by but you must be sleeping," And we continued on.

A couple minutes later, we're a ways down the sidewalk and I hear this faint "DAAAAAVIIIIID!" Turns out Leslie had just listened to my message, so I yelled back and ran back to her apartment. We stopped in there and chilled for a while though all we had to drink was water, since we were a bit parched from the walk. I saw this guy I went to school with from like K-8 grade and he didn't remember me which offended me. I mean, I probably haven't seen him in like 8 years, but still. I remember everyone from my elementary school. Well, around 4:30, I think, we left Leslies to finish off the walk home.

When we got back to my apartment, we made some Easy Mac and drank a bunch of water. Keith came home and was enjoying our drunken antics as Joseph tried to make some tuna concoction to eat. It was pretty funny. I think we went to bed around 5 or 5:30am.

To sum up the evening, it was exactly "how I do." Every Friday night should be as adventurous. I woke up around 2:30 today and went to Wal-Mart with Allison and Keith. I didn't buy anything, but we did stop by GNC and get some of those candles that you burn in your ears. Its odd, look 'em up, I'll let you know if they work. Oh, also, in Wal-Mart I kicked a ball into this toddler's face. It was hilarious. Tonight I'm gonna go to Allison's to eat lasagna and watch Life as a House, which is an EXCELLENT movie. So, I'll catch you kids later. Excelsior!