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My apologies for back to back politico blogs. I'm not usually this involved, but then again, I rarely have two such awesome ideas in rapid fire succession. Today I'd like to discuss a little bit about Obama's health care dream. Affordable, government provided health insurance for all? Makes me sick just thinking about it. Imagine! People without jobs being healthy. It's disgusting. Preventative health care eliminating much of need and ultimately dropping health care prices for everyone? Unacceptable. I work hard, damnit, and I don't want some free loading single mother ass hole cashing in on that. In fact, once we effectively squash this SOCIALIST movement, there are a couple of other arenas I'd like to address.

Police. Why is it that the people who generally utilize the police the least pay the most for it? Why do MY tax dollars go toward equipping and training a police force that is going to protect EVERYONE. That's socialist bullshit. If you can't afford protection, then news flash, sucker, you don't get it. I would like to see the police stations in this country disbanded. I will use my own personal finances to hire myself a police force. That way I won't have to sit helplessly as my house is broken into waiting for help to arrive because they are out somewhere protecting illegal aliens.

Fire. Imagine this. Your house is on fire. Small, contained, maybe just in the kitchen. You call 911. Doing everything you can to control the blaze waiting for help, you start to lose the battle. Finally, sirens and lights outside and a team of well trained experienced firemen rush in. "May I please see your FMO card?" "I don't have it, oh god, it's in the bedroom but its expired." "Ma'am, ma'am, calm down please, if you do not have fire insurance, we cannot help you, you will have to call someone else or deal with this yourself." Sounds like a little slice of heaven to me. If it weren't for this SOCIALIST movement sweeping the nation, it could be like this. My house has never burned down. Why should I pay for firemen? It's ridiculous.

Look, people, I think my point is pretty clear. When it comes to health and well being of yourself and property, why should you pay to protect other people? I mean, come on, you work hard to fend for yourself, why can't they? Am I right? Now let's cut out this bullshit and get things going in the right direction.

As long as I don't get laid off in the next year, I mean.

I've been hearing a lot lately on the news and whatnot about this Prop 8 nonsense out in California and I felt compelled to weigh in on the issue. I think people are missing the point. The point isn't for gay people to get married; it's for gay people to be equal. There's one quick and easy way to accomplish this:

Abolish marriage.

I've spoken out in the past about people who are trying to destroy the institution of marriage -- divorcees, pregnant teens, single mothers -- people hell bent on destroying the moral character of this great nation. People who try to force me to accept their ung*dly lifestyles. But now I've changed my tune now and have decided to speak out against all marriage. If every marriage was annulled starting right meow, it would totally level the playing field. Everyone could then pursue their own level of legal intertwining of their lives with another person, as they saw fit.

You don't need to be married to live together. You don't need to be married to cosign a lease. You don't need to be married to become someone's benefactor. You don't need to be married to be written into a living will. You can legally change your name whenever you want to whatever you want with or without getting married. Marriage isn't necessary to share insurance benefits, and you don't have to be married to share finances.

You don't need marriage to buy a big, gaudy cake. You don't need a marriage to get all your friends and family together to get plastered. A marriage isn't required to promise to love someone forever. Basically, you don't need marriage to have a fabulous wedding.

Marriage is something that started back around the time of the bible ... and none of that still applies to anything in today's modern world. So why hang onto that one last vestige of Mesopotamian culture that's been dead to the world for 2000 years?

So who's with me? I'm starting a petition to get Prop 9 on the ballot. And remember: A vote FOR Prop 9 is a vote against not have no marriage never not recognized and none of the marriages not counting.

My website is being overrun with spam comments. Fucking robots. Can't trust em. I'm not quite sure how it happens, but I know that the only way to solve the problem is to delete all of the comments and then not allow anymore to be posted. So, sorry about that. I just deleted over 250 spam comments each a page long, one at a time. So while I know you were all dying to add your two cents to the mix, you'll just have to do so while the gettins still good. But if you wanted to help, you could do me and this spamming robot a favor and go google Harry Potter, premature ejaculation, struggling women, and homemade porn. That way they won't need my site to advertise on.

In other news, I've made a decision. I've decided to vote. I found out that you can vote early at a host of locations all around the county. And if you've got your voter registration card then you don't need anything else. I still have no idea why we can't just vote online and use pure popular vote to elect a president, but whatever. And I still don't think it matters if you vote or not and I especially don't think it matters in Texas, but as long as they're trying to make it easy for me, I'll play along.

But it's kind of like when I decide to quit smoking, I don't turn into a non-smoker. One of those people who cover their mouths and cough just because they're within earshot of someone enjoying a cigarette, not because they're within noseshot of the smoke. Much like that, I promise that just because I decided to quit being a non-voter, I won't turn into a Voter. Those people who are like, "BLAUGH HOW CAN YOU NOT VOTE SHAME ON YOU!" I hate those people. I'm so distracted. We're watching True Blood on HBO and its ... just ... terrible.

Last Thursday Aaron Carter -- son of the famed N'Sync member, Nell Carter -- was arrested in Junction, Texas for possession of marijuana. When reached for comment, Carter said only, "Oh, dag! I'm in trouble!"

I find two things about this story interesting. First, it's a good way to dispel the rumors going around that Texas had decriminalized possession of small amounts of marijuana. When in fact, if you had, say not enough weed to roll one joint AND a medical marijuana card in your possession. You're looking at jail time. Now, let me just make it clear that I do not do marijuana cigarettes, nor do I have any desire to, but I think that these laws are so ridiculous. Texas just needs to wake up and realize that smoking weed is no longer a purely Mexican habit like it was in the 1800's so the racism behind the law has kind of fizzled out, and therefore is no longer any fun.

The second thing I found interesting that nobody cared to mention or explain is... what the hell was Aaron Carter doing speeding around Junction in his Cadallac Escalade? If you were to locate "Nowhere" on the map, Junction would be smack dab in the middle of it. And he was alone, so it's not like some tour bus convoy got stopped. So bizarre. He was probably buying weed.

In closing, I'd like to thank Allison and Keiff for emailing me this news story before anyone else had seen it. What does that say about me that they knew it would be big news to me? I guess the same thing it says about them. I'm going to make my stance clear though. FREE AARON CARTER! Why? Why shouldn't he be subject to the same laws that govern our society? 5 Words: Aaron's. Party. (Come. Get. It.)

You're welcome.

The Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission (TABC) has recently begun raiding bars at night and arresting patrons inside the bars that they determine, by way of the sole discretion of the officer given the horrific task of arresting merry makers inside bars, are intoxicated in public. I'm sure you've all heard of this at least. I just wanted to bring it up because most of you know more about politics and law than I know about electronic circuits and Food Network combined.

I originally argued that you can't possibly be publicly intoxicated inside a bar, because that's privately owned. Not so. It's still public property. Okay, fine. I'll give them that. But don't you dare ask me to agree with the College Station Police Department when they informed us that sitting on your porch with a beer at night under the overhang of the square footage that you pay for is considered public consumption. Bastards. But seriously, to say that you cannot be drunk inside a bar is like saying you can't read in a library or turn tricks in a motel.

They'll argue that they're doing the community a service because they are arresting people that are intoxicated -- not people that are belligerent, or causing a scene, mind you, just those that are intoxicated. TABC defines intoxication as anything over the legal limit of 0.08. We all know that the legal limit is bullshit in a way. You can reach the legal limit if the guy 3 tables down from you is drinking a beer and burps. It's insanely low, the equivalent of about one beer if you drink it like a man. I don't know how many nights, while living with Ryan and Todd, that we blew 0.2s (and probably above since the thing went no higher). And while we were clearly intoxicated, none of us were a danger to ourselves or each other.

The legal limit should only apply to driving. In that case, while still low, I think it's okay. Really you shouldn't be driving after drinking at all. EVEN IF you drive better when you're drunk and only have one eye open and your head cocked back and your foot gunning the accelerator. But, I didn't get to the best part yet. TABC defines intoxication as anything over the legal limit of 0.08, or one who is exhibiting signs of intoxication -- impaired judgement, or loss of motor skills. So even if you don't drink, you just limp, you can get arrested. You could get arrested in a bar if you are the designated driver, provided you trip on your way the bathroom to pee out the 29 Coca-Colas you've had to occupy your hands while your friends get sauced.

I'm all for public safety and welfare and blah blah blah, but I cannot fathom how this can be legal. We tried allowing the government to listen to hysteric, dried up old hags the last time we did Prohibition. See how awesomely that turned out? You fucking bitches spawned rum running (the predecessor the NASCAR, thanks a lot). Not to mention organized crime. And cocktails, a result of the need to mix bathtub liquors with fruit juices to make them tolerable. Well, bad example there. Thank you for that one. But back to my point.

How does something like this become legal? I don't understand. Much like how tow truck owners are allowed to steal your car and hold it for ransom. Or how one county is "dry" but literally 9 feet to the left, you can buy liquor. Or why there's this sudden trend to ban smoking everywhere despite the fact that capitalism should be driving that decision, not facism. Is this a result of some kind of voting? Do I need to start participating in local government elections? Do candidates publicly state their views on villanizing people who don't spend the night reading scripture and avoiding sex?

Help me JonS■■■ or someone whose legal opinion I value as highly. You're my only hope.

Because you're all dying to know how I feel about the capital of the great Republic of Texas. At first I really liked it. I mean, it's not like I've never been here before, but this is my first experience with pseudo-living here. The first thing I noticed were the bumper stickers. Lots of 'W's with slashes through them, and you allllllll know Sidesho doesn't do 'W'. Then I went to Whole Foods and it was just full of granola. People, I mean. Granola people. Awesome.

I've even considered moving here... but that wouldn't be a decision to make lightly.

After a few days though, I'm starting to lose some of my love for the city. The traffic! Good lord, people, GET JOBS! I swear, everyone's out parking on the highways all day long. And it's bad enough that it takes forever to get anywhere, but I get lost every fucking time I go outside. Hey, Austin, pick a name for a road and stick with it. When I left my hotel on Loop 360 N/Capital of TX Highway tonight to go down Loop 1/FM 1325/Mopac Blvd to pick up Brandon, I missed the exit I was supposed to take because I thought it was 1st St., but it was also 5th St. which you can call Townelake Blvd, but the sign will say Cezar Chavez, so good fuckin' luck. I also went the wrong way on the way home from 183/Research ... g*d damnit. I mean I know roads in Dallas sometimes have a number and a name 75/Central, but it is NOT this ridonkulous.

Work has been pretty laid back -- exactly the break I needed. I have some serious decisions to make soon about how I'm going to achieve nirvana because I'm most definitely not on the correct path, but we'll see if I actually grow the balls to do it or not. Til then, Laaaaaaaaaaaaate.

I have about a thousand things I want to talk about, we'll see how many of them stick in my memory by the time I really get into blogging mode. First off, I spent the weekend chillin in the OC ... the OKC, that is. I actually had a good time. On Saturday and Sunday, my impregnito sister and I painted her nursery. Pink on the walls, green on the ceiling. It was so, so cute. Now I'm rarin' to paint my apartment. Who wants to help? Prior to this, on Friday night, we went bowling.

I was bowling in Oklahoma on a Friday night.

It ended up being really fun though. My sister's husband made the comment, "There's no way I'm going to lose to my pregnant wife and a gay guy." So I annihilated him. He didn't know that I spent the better part of high school bowling obsessively, and then transferred that hobby to college with Kevin. By the end of the night, he had admitted defeat and encouraged me to join a gay bowling league, because I would be "the man" there. I'm not sure what the difference is between a gay bowling league and a bowling league. I guess we would use pink balls?

Speaking of Kevin, he's not going to be able to join me in College Station this weekend. What a fucking bummer. I was so stoked. I mean, I still am because I get to see Burns take longer than 65 seconds to chug a pitcher of beer and get shitcanned with the whole crew, but still... everyone knew I was just going to see Kevin. I'm actually going to drive down on Saturday morning, and give Allison a ride back.

Speaking of Allison, we are planning a Thanksgiving to end all Thanksgivings. The date we decided on is December 11th. The location: Allison's house in College Station. I am planning a detailed blog about it, but had too much to say to devote this entry to that. Look for details in the future, but for g*d's sake clear your fucking calendars. This is going to the put the last one to shame!

And finally, my new hobby is listening to NPR (National Public Radio). I feel like I'm already smarter for doing this. Many thanks to my brother who originally suggested it to me when I told him how annoyed I was with radio DJs and commercials. Today they were talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger possibly running for president. Of course, he's not a natural born citizen, so the constitution would have to be amended. We all know Bush has no problem amending it. They made a good argument that someone who has been in the country for 20+ years, obtained citizenship, understands the political system, and has obtained public office should be allowed to run for president. And Arnold was talking about how everything is more global these days so it makes sense. And I agree. Hell, at least he speaks two languages ... Bush doesn't even speak one.

Even though Arnie is a Republickin, he is not conservative on issues that educated people aren't conservative on -- stem cell research, gay marriage, abortion, to name a few. Conservative X-tian Republickins would fuckin hate him. But maybe there's enough political momentum behind the Republickins to get him in the White House. To me, this would present a win/win situation in 4 years. Either someone that agrees with me on issues I find important would be elected, or the Democratic party would win, and maybe even put Hillary in the White House, which would rawk. People who argue against this amendment say that the Constitution shouldn't be viewed as a totally maleable document, and certainly should never be amended with a certain individual in mind. One guy said go ahead and make the amendment but say that it doesn't take effect for 20 years. He makes a good point. Just thought I'd give my readers something to discuss at their next cocktail party.

Items of interest, just to recap: OKC was fun, I kick ass at bowling, I need help painting my apartment, College Station this Saturday, Thanksgiving December 11, listen to NPR and tell me what you think about the President-inator (lame). Peace out, sluts!

Way to go, "Amer-ca," you really did it this time. My first go at American democracy has been met with sweeping defeat ... Bush was elected for the first time to serve his second term, and the Republickins have increased their influence in both the House and the Senate. So far, in the first two days of Bushito's second term, nothing of note has changed. Maybe it's because Jorge is on vacation at Camp David (big shocker there). I think if this trend of nothing changing or happening continues, that would be the best case scenario for the next four years. Any changes that Bush makes -- fiscal, political, legal, constitutional, moral, environmental, global, you-name-it-al, will certainly be a major step backward that will take time in the future to correct.

I think it's shrewd of him to reach out to Kerry supporters and call for a newfound unity in the country. Just about as shrewd as it was to couple votes on banning gay marriage to call out the evangelical voters in important state. Oh, that reminds me... to those voters who elected to ban gay marriage in those 11 states: Fuck you too!

Okay, after this picture, I'm done making commentary. I had an away message today that said something to the effect of, "What do you think? Canada or Australia?" It was by far the most responded to away message I've ever had. Looks like a lot of us are joining the hypothetical exodus. Keith gave the best arguments for Australia including cold Canadian weathers, fat Canadians, hot Australians, tanning, and American booze and cigarettes. True, we can get American booze and cigarettes in America, but we can also get them in Australia. I'm convinced! Edward sent me a link to this picture. I went ahead and linked back to the website where I stole it from just to be nice. Not that all of you wouldn't immediately recognize that I didn't make it since jebus is capitalized.

Tomorrow I'm going to the most worthless state in the union: Oklahoma! My sister is all impregnito and wants me to visit her. I've been promising for a long time that I would so I finally have to make good on it. I have to take my mom's car too so I can pick up a treadmill for my parents. I really don't like driving any car other than my own, especially on road trips, so I resisted the idea. My mom said, "Why? Because you can't smoke in my car?" and my response was, "Fuck, I didn't even think of that. Fuck." It should be a fun time though, my sister is pretty cool. Then next weekend its off to College Station to see Burns and Lauren dunk their rings. Plus, Kevin will be there! Yay! Later sluts, now go sit in the corner and think about what you've done ... for the next four years.

mar·riage [mrj] n.

• The legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife.
• The state of being married; wedlock.
• A common-law marriage.
• A union between two persons having the customary but usually not the legal force of marriage: a same-sex marriage.
• A wedding.

Not sure what brought this particular entry to fruition, but it's something I've been thinking about lately. If you want to define marriage, don't go reading bibles, and certainly don't go listening to Bushito as he scratches the back of the KKKnights of Columbus. No, my friends, you have to go no further than our own beloved dictionary.com.

Marriage is a long standing religious farce, but in modern times has taken on a legally binding aspect. This is what gay marriage is about. Nobody gives a fuck if g*d smiles upon them as the father of the groom walks her down the aisle. There are issues dealing with wills, custody, hospital visitation, healthcare benefits. To take a sweeping stance that one entire group of people should be denied an entire set of rights and privileges that you enjoy based on the way they were born ... is bigotry.

We do not live in a theocracy, no matter what Jorge thinks. One of the founding principles of this country is the separation of church and state, and to insinuate that they should be melded is frankly un-American ... and a detriment to our troops. But what if we did live in this X-tian Garden of Eden where the Satanic gays were not allowed to be citizens. Wouldn't it be perfect?

So to this end, I say go ahead and ban gay marriage. Hurrah! But in all fairness, in our new X-tian Eden, divorce is also against the law. Sorry that you got knocked up at the age of 19 by your quarterback boyfriend who now does drywall for his old man's construction company and hits you. Unfortunately, extra-marital sexual relations are illegal, so you had to get married before you started to show. Also, you can never, ever divorce him. Sure, you could have possibly aborted the baby in the first trimester, but that's also illegal. Not that you would have had to deal with that had condoms not been outlawed. Conversely, since the real purpose of marriage is indeed procreation, any married couple who desires no children, or physically cannot bear child, will be annulled. All of this only pertains to X-tians anyway, people of other religions are not permitted to marry under their customs, since this country was founded with the purpose of forcing religion on people. And hell, while we're at it, let's just say that only whites can get married. I think we'll all be more comfortable that way. After all, this country was founded originally by white people ... and jesus was white.

There, I feel better now that we got that all ironed out, don't you? Now let's go drink some beer. And don't forget to vote on November 2nd, or P. Diddy will be angry.

Today was just a rip roaring good time on campus. I had my weekly senior project meeting, which went flawlessly as always, and then met up with some of my friends who had gathered at the Straight Pride rally over by Rudder Fountain. Damned free speech areas. Has anyone noticed that not once have the free speech areas on campus been used to promote liberal, democratic, tolerant, or educated viewpoints? It's always a bunch of dumb fucking redneks abusing the power.

So we went and had a discussion with them all trying to inform them that every day on campus is Straight Pride day and to try and belittle Gay Awareness Week, no matter how good your intentions may be, will be misinterpreted by the less educated (i.e. most dangerous) members of our little society. We didn't have long to talk to them because they were closing down camp for the day, but promised they would be back tomorrow if we wanted to talk to them some more. So I think we're going to get a big group of sane people together, just to show that on this campus, for every idiot who thinks Straight Pride is funny, there are two people who realize the implications.

You might think we were out of fun after these idiots cleared out, but no, OH NO, our fun had just begun. Our beloved campus evangelist, the one and only, Mr. Tom S■■■ was back! Hoorah! Our friend Jon S■■■, like the leader of Aggie Democrats, and a Jew, no less, had quite a time talking to Mr. S■■■. I don't like to talk to him because I know that he is an accomplished speaker and the last time I talked to him he turned my words back around on me. I prefer to prey on his little minions that he positions throughout the crowds to talk to you as you bad mouth him under your breath. I got sucked into an argument when I overheard some guy proclaiming that g*d was obviously real ... just look at the tree ... how could you possibly explain the tree without g*d? So I pointed out that it could be explained with Horticulture, a subject that is taught at this very university! Shazam!

Then he tried to tell me that faith was logic. To which I countered that faith is the opposite of logic, at which point, a guy who is in my major, and an active BUc (Brother Under christ) jumped in. We talked for a long time much to the amusement of my friends who were sitting near by. I've never really been observed in one of these arguments even though I tend to have them WAY more often than I'd like. But they were all laughing because, apparently, I show no emotion ... big shocker there, I'm totally monotone all the time. But they said that the other guy would get worked up and I wouldn't give a shit, which is basically true. We had to stop arguing though because he wanted to go on forever when it was apparent to me that our beliefs were fundamentally opposite, and no common ground could be met. For every christian bullshit line he pulled out, I put it back on him. He said he was trying to spread g*d's word to help me, I told him I was trying to convince him otherwise to help him.

All in all it was the same argument I always have with these people. I always think that it must be such a treat for them to get to talk to me, and such a drag for me to talk to them. Because I formed my own opinions on everything and they're good and funny and logical, whereas they all read the same stupid fairytale book for their opinions, so I know exactly what they're going to say next. Fucking automatons. My favorite part of the discussion was when I informed him, "There is no heaven. There is no hell. There is no g*d. There is no jebus. There is no salvation. There is no sin. You've got to stop thinking in terms like that." Lovely, just lovely. I love myself.

I am God.

I took a picture of my brown hair but I don't like the self portrait thing with my camera, so you all have to wait until I get someone else to take my pictures before you can see it. I am totally styling it in 70's retro style, and everyone hates it but me. But it completely cracks me up so I'll probably keep it up for a while. In the mean time, if you'd like to meet us out at Rudder Fountain tomorrow to speak more with the bigots, do just that. We'd love to have you. Laaaaaaaaaate.

I have finally conquered my eating disorder. After hours and hours of torment, deceit and guilt, I have fnally overcome the demons of anorexia. I was so hungry that I ate 4, count em, 4 pieces of pizza for dinner. It was decadent. Then I just had FreeBirds for lunch. Yum. I want to thank everyone who was so supportive of me during my battle with conflicting self images. You have no idea how many minutes of those hours I wished I could just be normal again. I hope that in some small way my own courage can help change the world. If just one ... million little girls and boys read my story of triumph and find the courage to binge, then I'll be happy.

In other news, my coworker Sara has been feeding me with political enthusiasm today by telling me about her favorite presidential candidate, Howard Dean. She sent me a link to his website and I liked what he had to say. I was already planning on registering to vote and becoming a participating member of 'democracy' since Bush was elected, but now I've actually gotten off my tookus and filled out a registration application. If you want to read about this dude, check out http://www.deanforamerica.com. Later you have nots.

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY KEIFF!