Trey B is mentioned in 17 posts, which ranks #22 overall for people. They are most often associated with these...

People:

Places:

Things:

I'll probably curse the day I bought the PedEgg soon enough. Each night when I'm finished using it, I marvel at how soft my feet are. And then the next morning I think to myself, "I could just run it over them one more time to be sure." And wouldn't you know it? They get even softer. I can see somewhere in the near future of both soles of my feet being one massive abbrasion. But it's so worth it. Daniel won't let me use it on him because he claims his hard earned calloused feet are the reason he is able to wear uncomfortable shoes. But I just know I could take a good quarter of an inch off.

In other news, I went to visit my motorcycle accident havin' coworker at his house. He's home from the hospital. All the scary stuff about fluid in lungs and broken ribs is past him. His color has returned and he's in generally good spirits. He has a titanium rod in one leg and then he had two broken ankles, one of which was operated on and still has no feeling. But he just has two boots on and has to use a wheelchair to get around. So all in all, not too bad. I try to cheer him up with stories of own infirmary and give him hints on how to keep from getting bored. But he refuses to take pain medication of any kind, so my top 3 ideas were just shot to hell. I wish there was more I could do to help but it'll just take time.

Speaking of motorcycles, I took the Vespa in AGAIN. They're going to look at it AGAIN. This time they think they know what's wrong. They called Vespa and described the symptoms and they were quite sure this is the only bike in the world that has ever exhibited these characteristics. Yeeeaaahhh, custom baby. They said if I dropped it off before I went to Australia that they would have it fixed by the time I got home. I don't believe them, but it's worth a shot. So I took it to them on Saturday morning. Man, was it a beautiful morning to ride. I was sorry to drop it off.

And lastly, I'm going to Australia. OMG. It's coming to fast. Since I'm not very good at planning a trip in advance, I encourage you all to leave me a comment with something you think I should do while I'm there. So far all I've thought of is getting a picture of me in front of the Sydney Operahouse. So that's already covered. Also, any advice for how to survive a 14 hour flight would also be appreciated. Thaaaaaanks.

It's been a while since I've updated. My apologies. I just returned from Las Vegas celebrating my brother Stephen's 30th birthday. It was a pretty big deal. The entire trip was kept a secret from him up until I took him and his wife to the airport. And then on top of that, it was another secret that me and my other brother, Michael, were on our way to the airport separately to meet and surprise him with our presence. It was pretty fun sneaking up behind him in the casino while he played video poker. After so many months of preparation, it was such a relief for the big reveal.

So we spent two days gambling, drinking, laying out by the pool, having some very fine high dollar meals, and seeing the Beatles LOVE show. Highly recommend. Also highly recommend Planet Hollywood. It's recently been redone and it is so nice. Nicer than the Bellagio, in my humble opinion. Crazy times.

His birthday was a little bigger deal than mine. I tried to keep the invite casual (I wanted to type "cas" as in short for "casual" there but I'm not sure how to spell it). I didn't even have a place for people to RSVP because I didn't want to get excited that anyone was coming. Daniel was kind of annoyed with me as we got ready to go out to the bar because he was hurrying me along and I was saying what's the point, no one's coming. He was like you always get this way on your birthday. So we got there, and DJ iMernex had reserved us a table. And then we sat. And sat. And sat. And no one came. Daniel was frantically texting people trying to get them to come to no avail. Finally before I called it quits I texted Keiff cause he had said he would try to make it after moving all day and he was on his way over. So hurray! Saved the day. Then we blew that hot dog stand and invited Lindsey over like we should have all along. Lesson learned. Next year, no party ... he said again.

My Harley riding coworker got in a really bad motorcycle accident this weekend. He has two broken ankles, a broken femur, broken ribs, and road rash. I think I need to go get some safety gear before I ride anymore. I'm paranoid now. Not that I wasn't before, but you get the point.

So good times, not much to report from the real world. Gearing up for Australia, dreading the 14 hour flight. But definitely excited. I'll keep you posted.

Miles per gallon is out. Miles per dollar is in. It's really pretty irrelevant how far you can go on a tank of gas, because all anybody ever does is use that number to try and figure out how much it's going to cost them to get somewhere. Instead we should all be talking in MPD.

In my perfect world, when the metal from the nozzle at the gas pump contacts the metal surrounding your tank, it acts as a datalink to upload to your car the price of the gas. Then you hit a button on your dash and it can show you in real time what your current MPD is. Well in lieu of that, I've done the next best thing -- an Excel spreadsheet. Yay! And since I'm not super interested in my car, I'm just going to keep track of the Vespa. I'm dangerously near riding it to work every day.

My coworker rode his massive $20k Harley Davidson motorcycle over here on Tuesday and we went to a parking lot where he taught me how to ride a motorcycle. From the conversations at work we'd had, he could tell I was pretty clueless about motorcycles, manual transmissions, clutches, engines, throttles ... the list goes on. So we went to a parking lot near here. He stood in the middle and I rode circles around him. And each time he would give me a different assignment. Give it no gas, but let the clutch out slowly. Give it no gas and let the clutch out fast. Give it a little gas, a little clutch. You get the point. He was trying to help me figure out the role of each. And I think it really, really helped.

My problem was that I couldn't get going fast enough. People got impatient as I went from first gear, to neutral accidentally, back to first, hit the brakes, stalled out, went to second, and then 10 minutes later was going 30mph. But I think that's fixed. I just took the ol' girl out to get some gas and purposely picked a gas station that is a few 45mph road blocks away from here. And I did superb. A guy at the pump complimented my scooter and we talked about gas mileage. And that is what spawned this entire blog.

Now, I'll grant you that the Vespa came with a complimentary tank of gas upon purchase, so my numbers are going to be a little skewed as to the performance of the motor (although accurate in real life). But I have gone 67 miles so far. And I've spent $2.12. That gives us a grand total of 31.6 MPD and $0.03 DPM. Oh my g*d, I love being green. Calculate your own MPD and post it.

I officially got in trouble for parking my Vespa indoors. I would have thought the exhaust fumes and gas vapors would be the reason, but it turns out they consider it a fire hazard. Who woulda knew? I got a less than friendly call from the parking people. But really it's only halfway my fault. They wouldn't give me permission to park in the garage over the weekend and then on Monday told me to park in a motorcycle spot ... and there are none. But we finally got it all worked out now and I can park wherever I want, just not inside.

I'm getting a little better at riding. I started out just practicing in a parking lot near my apartment and then graduated to the 30mph roads around the neighborhood. I've gotten brave a couple of times and gone out on major streets during low traffic times. My real problem is accelerating from a stop. I'm not very fluid with the gears so it takes me a little while to get up to 40mph and by then cars are honking and going around. But luckily I don't care. I think if I can ride it a lot this weekend and a little each day next week I might be ready to ride it to work every day. I definitely want to, I'm just not confident enough yet.

One of my favorite things about riding it is that I get respect from big Harley hog motorcycle riders. They all wave to me when I pass them on the street. I don't know why I find that as hilarious as I do but it's nice to get my propers. I have some friends from work coming over tomorrow to test her out and that'll be good for me because it's kind of boring to just practice riding, but when you're taking turns it's pretty fun. I'll keep you all posted on my progress.

Fourth of July was good. Had a few people over, drank some beers. Birthday was good. Had a few people over, drank some beers. My brother, Stephen, even dropped in for a little bit, which was a special surprise ... kind of ... I mean, it was really special, but only kind of a surprise. Taking a week off was a really good idea. I wish I could do it again, but alas, I need mo money.

I'm taking this opportunity to update because I wore out 3 of the DeWalt batteries on my handheld drill. I've been a busy little boy this evening. Every time I make progress on the bar, I go into work and discuss it with my coworker/coach. He's the one that lent me all the power tools. He was disappointed that I'd gone through the whole weekend without making any progress. His only rule is that I make progress every week. So I couldn't let him down. I went and spent another 60 bucks at Home Depot and brought home some 1x6s, some 2x4s, and some drawer mounts. I am now the proud owner of 1.95 finished drawers. They are not half bad, if I do say so myself. A little wonky, but that's to be expected when you're doing construction with all hand tools. I got one all the way done but as I was screwing the bottom onto the second drawer my third battery went dead. I just have to chill out for about an hour and two of them will be full speed again. The drawers are damn huge. You know how I am -- larger than life and out of control. So these are 18" wide, 21" long, and 6" deep. We don't intend on using the drawers for anything, I only made them to fill some of the gap between the fridge and the bar. But if we ever do use them, we could store like quilts and stuff in them. Boom!

I guess I'll go eat some dinner while I'm waiting for a recharge. I hope Daniel is impressed with my progress ... and doesn't mind vacuuming up large amounts of sawdust. Later skaters.

I started work on the bar this weekend. I think I'm going to extend my original construction schedule from two years to three. I went and bought a couple 8' sections of 2x2 pieces of wood (although I was already confused since the actual dimensions seemed like 1x1 to me). I managed to cut it to length using this big, mean looking power saw that my coworker lent to me. And I managed to get it up against the wall, level it out, and drill a pilot hole through it. I even got a screw into the wall to hold it up. I was feeling pretty good about myself. Until I started drilling a second hole and managed to rip the whole thing down. Apparently the screws I got were only long enough to go through the wood and about halfway through the drywall. So I guess I need longer screws.

I also got this stupid stud finder that beeps in different places and is indicating to me that the studs are about a half inch thick and spaced randomly anywhere from 6" to 12" apart. My little instruction booklet suggests that studs are always 1.5" thick and spaced 16" or 24". So I'm confused and worried that I'm going to drill through an electrical wire or a pipe or something. So I put everything back in the closet and shut the doors. I'll worry about it some other time. But seriously, does anybody know anything about this that could help me?

I would resume work next weekend, but I'll be in beautiful Playa del Carmen, Mex-i-co. My whole family is taking a five day all inclusive trip together. It should be really fun taking all the nieces and nephews to the beach. We only have two confirmed cases of serious distaste for sand ... and one that allegedly really likes the taste of sand. So it should keep us all moderately sober for some of the time. Too bad my base tan is hovering somewhere around eggshell right now, so I'm going to be employing some serious SPF the whole time.

The rest of this weekend was punctuated by drinking and downloading the entire Ace of Base album and dancing and laughing at Daniel for knowing every single word to every single song. I have this theory that everyone on earth likes Ace of Base. There are only varying degrees of how much you admit it. But you know and I know that when you're alone in your car and "The Sign" comes on, you be rockin and singing along. Wouldn't it just feel better to admit it?

I just went and looked at the gym here in Addison! Circle. It looks pretty nice and has the free weights I've been missing. I think I'm going to join but I have to see what Daniel thinks about it first. I might sign up anyway and just go there on days when he is in class late. My company will pay for me anyway. They invited me to come back and work out today and I should really take them up on it, but methinks I am too lazy. We shall see.

Last order of business, I sent out a MySpace invitation to my birthday party on Friday, July 6th. If you didn't get it or you aren't on MySpace, shoot me an email (sideshovid@sideshovid.com) and I'll give you the wheres and whens you so desperately desire.

I finally did it. I've waited for 2 full years and the other day, I just decided to do it. I'm speaking, of course, about curtains for my bedroom. I was really daunted by the task of keeping my vertical blinds up. I could take them down, but then I'd have to store them and I have nowhere to store them. And to cover them means curtain rod extenders and screwing into studs, and I know nothing about any of that. So I came up with an idea. Instead of big beautiful curtains, I got blackout fabric. It's thin, it's light, and it blocks 100% of the light. I measured each window, cut out a piece of fabric that fit it perfectly, folded the top over, put a few grommets in it and hung it on nails. I can take them down, put them up, fold them in half to get some heat in the winter -- you name it. From the outside it looks all white, just like the vertical blinds, and from the inside, all you see is the vertical blinds, just like the vertical blinds. I couldn't be happier with myself. I have had a string of successful projects. I hope it doesn't end. I can't wait to be hungover this weekend and spend allllll fucking day in bed.

Speaking of bed ... my sleeping is much better. I have been on time to work 3 of the 4 days this week. That's unheard of. I even started showering in the morning instead of at night because I have so much extra time. I was pretty ecstatic. That, sadly and predictably, has faded. I could feel myself building up a sleep debt as each day went by and this morning I finally had to pay it back. I was one hour late to work. Today, coincidentally, was also the day I got the results of my take-home sleep test. I no longer stop breathing 70-90 times an hour. Now it's 22. 22 is the magick number. The lady from the doctor's office asked me how I'd been feeling and I said, "Much better, but not great." And she said, "Oh, how funny. I was just about to say your test results look much better, but not great." At least I'm no longer severe and am now considered moderate. It's looking like the tonsil are going to come out. I'm shying away from it, but I know that I'll eventually do it. I'll keep you all posted.

I bought a pumpkin today. It was an impulse buy. All I wanted were the seeds. I tossed them with butter and salt and roasted them in the oven. They're delicious. My culinary skill grows little by little every day. I can add that to the list with roasted chicken and blueberry pancakes. Rawk.

Have you ever heard of the mosquito frequency? It's this thing that businesses are using to cut down on teenagers loitering outside. It emits a sound at around 17kHz. Apparently teenagers can hear it and it annoys the fuck out of them, but adults cannot hear it. Trey told me about it at work today so we googled it. I found an MP3 of the sound and hit play. It was maddening. Trey accused me of not really hitting play. He couldn't fuckin' hear it! It didn't take long for everyone 25 and under in my immediate area to come over and ask what the hell the sound was. Then Trey believed me it was real. Which is funny because I'm the one that didn't believe him it existed. We gathered up all the old people around us and not one of them could hear it. One guy put it as his ring tone on his cell phone. Apparently teenagers are also using it to their advantage to allow their cell phones to ring during class without the teacher hearing it. I thought it was fascinating enough to share it with you all. CLICK HERE to listen to the most annoying sound in the world. And tell me if you can hear it.

Methinks it's time for me to go to bed. Gotta stick with the sleep rules now that they're slightly effective. Night, sluts.

This morning promised to put me in a fowl mood (quack! quack!) since I had to get up at the ass crack of dawn to go back to the pits of the ■■■ Airport. I have gotten rather surly about going on sites, so people know they damn well better be good and ready for me to be there before they ask me to go somewhere. If there is no power, or no communication lines run, then I can essentially do nothing. I could crawl up in the ceiling and run wires like Trey does ... but my jeans cost a lot more than his.

So I grudgingly obliged to be dragged back to what I have come to believe is my own personal hell under the veiled promises of EVERYTHING being wired. I was assured that the ONLY thing left to do was download my program and verify it. Pschah. I didn't believe it for a second. Sure enough, we get out there and power hasn't even been hooked up. To put a cherry on this clusterfuck, there were problems with the permits that might take two weeks to clear up. DFW can suck a nut.

So now I'm in a bad mood. I decided to try and apologize to myself for making me get up early and drag myself out to DFW with a taquito. So I left work and got a taquito and slowly enjoyed it. Luckily, I go pretty easy on me and decided to forgive myself. Soon after, it was time for lunch where I shoveled BBQ into my face like it was going out of style. Free Fried Pie Tuesdays in full effect, ya'll. I would tell you all a story about me, Michael McNeff, and fried pies, but it's much to long and will have to wait for another day. Anyway, since all pleasure in my life is now derived from food, I was thrilled when my mother called and asked me to go out to dinner with her since my dad was going to a Mavericks game. Score! Pan seared grouper with a citrus sauce and steamed vegetables at Fridays? Sign me up!

The real reason I'm so happy about all the good food that I ate is that when I went to go work out I weighed myself again and I lost another pound! w00t! That puts me at -3 from the starting gate. Things are looking up, kids. Oh, and also, my mom gave me my Valentine's Day present. It's her foot massager that she never uses, so I am now enjoying the most wonderful foot massage ever. All in all today was a good day. There were a few bumps here and there, and my mood has been erratic lately, but I'm doin alright.

Now, who wants some unflavored popsicles?!

Huzzah! I made it through my first Friday night without so much as a sip of my intoxicating lover, ethanol. I can tell you one thing: It was not easy. First, I left work early to go play pool with my coworkers for Trey's birthday. We played 10-ball, which was new to me, but a really fun game. I lost $7. Apparently you're not allowed to gamble in these pool halls, so when we got busted, we had to quickly cover by saying that we were all exchanging money to pay for beer. We were obviously not paying for beer. But they were all drinking it. The sweet aroma wafting through the air, mixing and intertwining with the acrid smell of freshly burnt tobacco. "Just get a beer!" they would say. And I declined. I stayed for about an hour, but after my few glasses of water, I had to get out of there.

Onto a dinner date thing with my new friend Adam. He was dreadfully late, but kept consistent communication all night. I always tell people, I don't care if you're late or have to cancel if you just fucking call and let me know. That is really the key. So I awarded him points for that. Cheddars (not my choice) was packed. Apparently this is a big Friday night destination for fat, straight people. Since it was so crowded, we opted for two empty seats ... at the bar. Neither of us were hungry so we chit-chatted and split the spinach dip. I had about 26 glasses of water while Adam enjoyed three margaritas on the rocks "with a little stank on em." He also inhaled about a half a pack of cigarettes. "Just get a margarita. I won't tell anyone," he insisted. And I declined. He had made plans to go out that night, and Ryan S■■■ and I were supposed to have a movie night so we parted ways early.

Ryan and I went to the new Wal-Mart Neighborhood store here and got some Moolenium Crunch ice cream (the best) and a couple of magazines to read. We endulged in our Friday night pleasures and watched my copy of the Phantom. (Shhhh, don't tell the federal government.) Ryan didn't like it. I did, but I slept through it. Earlier that evening Ryan asked if I wanted something to drink. My choices were orange juice, water or wine. Wine? Ryan's Febreviewary has different rules than my Febrehabruary. In his month, he has only to avoid buying alcohol in an effort to save money. So previously owned wine is well within the rules. And I ... I declined.

Omega, I just realized. Alcohol is, like, my own personal jesus christ. All before the cock crowed, I denied it three times.

Hehe, I said "cock"

Man, I know it's only Day 3, but this is HARD. It's not so much that 3 days have transpired; it's more that 3 days where I think about nothing other than how I'm not drinking have transpired. It's a tad disturbing just how much of my life is closely associated with the consumption of alcohol. For example, I went to On the Border (OTB to the cool kids) last night with JonS■■■ and all I could think about was how an ice cold Corona would wash down the salsa burn and a pitcher of margaritas with salt would make the perfect dessert. Or like when I realized it was half-priced martini night at the Velvet Hookah and my friend, the owner, owes me a night of free drinks. Or like this morning when I woke up and brushed my teeth without a pick-me-up.

Day 3 is always a milestone. The combination of no drinking and no smoking is a killer. But what doesn't give me cirrhosis, only makes me stronger. This weekend will be the first real test. Especially since coworkers are going out to drink beer and play pool for Trey's birthday and I'm accompanying them all. I've already warned them that if they give me a hard time about not drinking that I won't be attending.

I suppose I should explain my title: Bury the dishes! We tried out this new Mexican restaurant by my office today. It's right next to El Chicos, so every Wednesday on Enchilada Day, after we're done picking teams, we always say we should try this Taqueria Arandas. So today we did just that. Their sign outside, their menu, and their boards inside all said, "Sabroso... Sabrosito!" None of us speak gibberish so we asked the waitress what that means.

She said, in a very thick accent, "Mmm, sabroso is dishes ... dishes and sabrosito is hmm bury the dishes." I paused. I digested what she'd just said. I asked her to repeat herself. "Bury the dishes." Again, I paused. Not wanting to make a scene, I said, "Ahh okay, yeah ... thanks." After she walked off, I asked the other people around the table what the hell "bury the dishes" meant. Coworker Adam and I decided that it meant that they had such big portions of food that it buried the plate, and that it must not have been a literal translation and that's why she had a hard time telling us. Then my boss goes, "What are you guys talking about?

"She said, 'Delicious. Very delicious.'"

I felt bad that yesterday's picture had the top of my head cut off, so I went ahead and took another one tonight. Whadya think? I just have one think to say about my new look: WINK!

I really just wanted desperately to make that joke. I didn't exactly plan anything else out. Today Trey came and got his pool table. It was surprisingly easy for him and his rednek friends to pick it up and put it in a trailer and haul it away. That should be my last trip to Plano for a while.

Mr. K■■■■■■ insisted that tonight I was going to join him at The Dugout to watch some silly baseball game and then he had the nerve to stand me up. No phone call. No answer. No reply to IMs. This is after he has the nerve to forbid me from seeing his apartment and then asserting that he will be coming over often to use my washing machine. I don't think so. To sum it all up, that guy has a lot of nerve. Which is why he still hasn't earned himself a first name.

I can't wait until I have a weekend free from plans that I've made months in advance. Soon enough, friends. Soon enough. And then I'll have you all over. No pictures yet because no progress was made on cleaning. Laaaaaaaaaaaate.

Fine. I'll post. If I had a nickel for every time Ryan H■■■■ had left me a comment complaining about the frequency of my blogs ... well, I'd have like 30 cents, which really isn't a lot of money. I doubt I'd even make the hypothetical benefactor pay me that 30 cents, but still, to illustrate my point, that is a lot of times to make those comments. I haven't posted lately, but I have had some awesome ideas for new posts. I've since forgotten them all, but believe me, they would have been hilarious.

Today was supposed to be my moving day, but time conflicts have pushed that back until tomorrow. I am still going to take some of my stuff over there today but the furniture doesn't go until tomorrow. Which means you fuckers don't get to see it until at least tomorrow. But knowing me, it'll be more like next week.

My co-, Trey, is going to take care of moving me. I don't think I ever explained this on here. We have had a pool table in our garage for a long time. I think the last time it was used was like 5 years ago. Trey plays pool 6 nights out of the week in various leagues, tournaments, and pool halls. He has always wanted a pool table but couldn't ever afford one. The only thing we use our pool table for is to play ping pong on top of it like once a year. So I told my dad I would buy him a really nice, brand new ping pong table in exchange for that ratty old pool table we don't even use. I will, in turn, give that to Trey who will then enlist the help of his son and friends, all of the people who would use his new pool table. And in the end, I get more man power, with no time restrictions, for less money. It's what you call a win/win/win/win situation.

At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said "Certainly." He said "Do I need to dial 9?" I say "Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick." I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D". I saw a human pyramid once. It was totally unnecessary. This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... It's dirty.

Those are all Mitch Hedberg quotes, you can read more by clicking his name. I saw him and Stephen Lynch last weekend in Austin. Three words: hi-larious. I liked Mitch a lot better, but that is not to say that Stephen Lynch wasn't brilliant in his lyrics and guitar stylings. That paragraph above is pretty much how the show went. Mitch comes on stage drunk, stumbles a little, leans forward over the table where his sheets of paper with jokes written on them are, his hair falls forward over his face and he proceeds to read on after the other. I think we saw his face once. It's like he went to a school for how to become a comedian and then did the exact opposite. I'm always impressed when comedians with long stand-up acts can tie it all together, or use recurring jokes. Mitch did none of this. Didn't even try. I have a lot of respect for that. It was probably 2 of the 50 funniest hours of my life. Didn't get to go out because Stinky Pants got too drunk, but did manage to drink a whole lot (just not at breakfast).

I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do today besides move. I might go see Scott Mechlowicz's new movie, Mean Creek. I'm pretty sure it's out. And he's so dreamy. My internet will be up and running Monday in the apartment, so don't expect another post before then. But do keep checking back hourly just in case I post from home. Hey Ryan, happy now, fucker?

Tomorrow is going to be so fun. Despite the fact that I have to get up extra early for a branch meeting that pertains to nothing I do, I have my own fun cooked up. I got a package today that I ordered off the internet. Its contents are:

• one stapler ... that shocks the shit out of you when you close it
• one pen ... that shocks the shit out of you when you click it
• one lighter ... that shocks the shit out of you when you flick it
• one beer can ... that shocks the shit out of you when you pick it up

This has become mine and Trey's new favorite joke at work. He already has the pen. We put up a sheet of paper with everyone's name on it with the title "Trey's Labor Day Party" and hung it outside his cube. Then we attached the shocker pen with a string and everyone's name had two check boxes out beside it for whether or not you would attend. Kind of like a really primitive evite, if you will. Then all day long, we laughed our asses off as one by one, people came up to check next to their names and received a jolt.

Trey also has a little mini slot machine that fits in the palm of your hand. The entire casing is naturally made of conductive metal. When you pull the handle it shocks the shit out of you. That one's fun because you can get people to do it without any prompting, just by setting it out. So we're going to litter our cubes with electrified items. I realize it may only sound mildly amusing in print, but imagine yourself in a stuffy office with a boring ass job where the most exciting thing that ever happens is memorizing the 400th digit of pi. That makes it absolutely hilarious.

I was thinking about getting a fish at work, since I get lonely with Tuna at home all day long. I really don't want him to go to work with me though, since he'd just be bored and get all pissy with me. I wanted a red fish, to kinda be his Bizzaro World counterpart. Kind of like a red fish, blue fish, one fish, two fish deal. But I wasn't sure that I was allowed to have a fish and since my cube is DEVOID of any decoration or personality, he would surely stand out. Well these two ladies that I work with came back from lunch today with bettas and I am exceedingly jealous. Even though they're like 50, they were still slinking in the back door so they wouldn't get caught. No one really knows if its allowed, but no one's really asking. So I might have to get another fish sometime soon and sneak him into work real early one day. It would keep me so very entertained.

Last bit of news. I have hitched a ride on the responsibility train. Toot! Toot! I have decided that I spend far too much money on stupid shit when I should be taking advantage of my economical situation by stock piling money. So I'm taking all of my extra cash and putting it into an ING account that has a higher interest rate than my checking account. I haven't exactly stopped spending money recklessly, as I usually do, but I have decided that I am no longer going to buy anything for anybody but me. My apologies to those of you who never got to experience a dinner from me, or drinking on the town with my tab open, but that has just got to stop. If I'm going to waste money, I should at least waste it on me. And in the meantime, maybe save enough for furniture and decorations for my new apartment that I'll eventually get. Maybe even tomorrow! I have an appt with the people at Addison Circle to look at some apartments that will be vacating soon. I hope I find one I like. I love living at home and I could do it forever ... but I can't do it forever. Might as well go on and get the hell on with the rest of my life. It's not like my house will be far away. I can still come home for dinner, or groceries, or bottles of booze or whatever I need. Ha!

I still have an extra ticket to see Mitch Hedberg and Stephen Lynch in Austin on October 2nd since Chevy won my little contest and then declined the prize, so LET ME KNOW if you are interested in going. Also, I have no plans for tomorrow night and it's payday, so I need to get stupid (disregard paragraph above) so somebody invite me out. And finally, to each and every one of you, have a wonderful Friday ... or not, the choice is yours.

I haven't shaved in over two weeks. I was going to try to grow a beard in time for ULDE:IYDKYDG but I think I've decided that it won't be fully grown in in time, so I am going to acquiesce and shave. I might try it again after the party, but I want to be sure I look good. I got a whole new outfit. It's a good thing I'm a total thousandaire or I wouldn't have been able to do that. I am way too excited, Friday can't get here fast enough.

In other news, I have contracted a horrible virus. Or my computer has, rather, before any rumors start. I have decided that I don't want to fuck with it so I'm reformatting my computer. I haven't done this in quite some time and I always get a little sad when I do. But these away messages it makes for me and INCESSANT pop ups are drivin' me nuts! So I thought I'd better update before I do this just in case it goes horribly wrong and I have to throw away my laptop.

I've decided I like my hair. I was a little iffy at first since the bangs are kind of short and it was a dark brown, but now I've found a good way to wear it to work and the brown has faded just a little so it looks more natural. I also don't flat iron it every day anymore so maybe that will allow it to actually grow now. Before I had self servicing hair that would just break off when it reached a certain length, effectively giving me a constant hair cut, one dead, crispy end at a time. I don't really have a route to get there, but I definitely have a destination of where I'd like to be in the future. Trying not to burn my hair off, building up a more impressive wardrobe, and working out are all definitely in the plan though, and all going well.

I will leave you today with a funny story from work. I was in charge of creating these sheets where you could check off that all of these controllers had been programmed and tested and installed correctly and shit. With a place to initial as each step had been accomplished. But then when I was done this guy told me to take them to the jobs' respective engineers so they could "pencil whip" them. I was like, "What the hell does pencil whip mean? Is that kinky?" and he laughed and said, "No, it's nothing dirty." So I'm thinking that to pencil whip a document means to put your signiture on it, or maybe to fill it out. So when I'm done, I email all the people involved (like a whole department) and send out electronic copies of the files and say that this guy would appreciate it if you could pencil whip these and return them to him.

The next day, Trey read the email and started laughing. Apparently, "pencil whip" means to fill out a sheet of paper with falsified information, highly unethical, definitely frowned upon and I had just outted this guy as a pencil whipper. Whoopsie! I thought it was hysterical though. On that note, I'm off to reformat! Wish me luck, fuckers!

Last night was delightful. I got to go to Clay's house in this magical neighborhood surrounded by castlegates, drawbridges, magik and mystery. He had read my blog on having too many items in my pockets (07/24/2004: My daily inventory) and brought me a stylish euro man bag from Spain! How cool is that. Thank you, Clay, I copyright my new man bag. He also brought with him a bottle of the forbidden, therefore more desirable, Absinthe. The way we drank it was so cool. First you put some in a glass with ice. Then you take a spoonful of sugar, dip it into the alcohol, and then light the spoon on fire. As the sugar melts you let it drip back down into the glass. When it has sufficiently melted, you stir it all up until it's milky and add water. I really enjoyed my first experience. In a nutshell, it tasted exactly like liquid black licorice. Nothinkg to write home about ... but certain something to blog about.

Work today was so pointless. I know that my work ethic is a well known and often lamented fact of engineering lore, but I honestly believe I'm a hard worker. When I have something to do and it needs to get done, boy howdy, I'll get it done for you, and quick. I'll even work late or through the night or on the weekends if it needs be. What I don't do is show up early in the morning to the ghetto to sit on my hands for 5 hours pissing and moaning about the way things are run. I didn't do a fucking thing all day. Oh well, I guess things could have been worse. One thing I noticed today is that the number one goal of everyone on a jobsite is to pass the buck. It doesn't matter what hasn't been done or who was supposed to do it, "It ain't my job."

And a lot of times, people will use the phrase, "... and I told [insert name here] this ..." I heard that about 100 times today. Example: "What we were contracted to do ... and I told Andy this ... is not to run wires." As if having previously told some third party who is not present or involved suddenly adds credibility to your statement. I just think its stupid, and I told Trey this, that I had to wake my ass up at 6am every day this week, yeah I'm doin' the controls down in Oak Cliff.

Tomorrow is my father's birthday. I got him the Die Hard trilogy DVDs and a Winnie the Pooh DVD for when Kaylyn visits. They've been collecting Disney movies for years now in the event of a grandchild, but I don't think she's quite ready for an entire plot, and everybody loves Winnie the Pooh. I just wanted to get him something grandpa-ish (assuming he is going by grandpa and hasn't been renamed Paw-Paw or Pee-Pee or Poo-Poo or something). I also decorated his cake tonight after dinner. I watch Martha do it so much that I thought I would be good at it. I spun that cake around as I smoothed out the icing. Then I did a cool pattern with pecans on top and crushed up some pecans and stuck them to the side of the cake. I worked so hard on it and I was so proud of myself. When I stepped back to admire my work, it looked as though it had been done by a retarded third grader. I should just avoid entirely doing anything with my hands. Well...

Tonight should be fun. I'm ready for anything, and I told Ryan this, so we're going to go to a party. Catch you skillets on the flip side.

Today was a productive day. I probably haven't mentioned my co-worker, Trey, in my blog as much as I have in real life. Trey is awesome. He's an old rednek with no formal education who is a jack of all trades. He's helping to train me at work. He talks ... really ... ... ... slow. It's awesome. He also happens to have pi memorized to 1250 digits. Today I made an Excel spreadsheet that would check him 10 digits at a time, and I sat and watched him successfully enter 500 digits in a row before I finally decided that I really wanted to go home. I told him I would memorize it out farther than him ... I'm up to 32 digits now. Don't believe me? 3.14159265358979323846264338327950, bitches. If you would like to race me on memorizing it, download my pi Excel sheet here.

This weekend was too much fun. Friday, I went on my lunch break at work ... and then decided that I really didn't want to go back. So at 1:00, I hit the road for College Station. Technically when my boss said, "Leave whenever you need to," I think he meant anywhere from 4:00 to 4:30. But you just can't say something like that to me and not expect me to take full advantage of it. I got into College Station around 4:00 and went straight to Hobby Lobby to visit Marshall while he worked. After a little bit of that I met up with Allison, her friend Brian (who is fab squared), and JonS■■■ for some evening cocktails. I picked up the tab because I have money and I spend it recklessly.

Halo on a Friday night, man I miss that. They were having some wicked drink specials, so after the nine of us drinking on my tab finished up, the total was only $50. Allison brought her friend Brian from earlier in the evening, and he in turn brought his friend James, who tried to open a tab behind my back, but I got it transfered to me. JonS■■■ came against his wishes because I promised him free drinks. Marshall and I got buck wild. Raul made a grand appearance, and Justin made his presence known. We definitely got our 50 bucks worth, drinking and dancing the night away. But you know me, my faithful Sidesho-Viewers. That's just not reckless enough for me. So I drunkenly vowed that on Saturday night, I would have a $200 bar tab. Everyone thought I was kidding ....

The next night when we went out, Marshall jokingly referred to my 200 dollar proclamation, to which I replied, "Let's do it." More drinking, more fun. Despite our best efforts, the total came to $85. In my defense, James was bartending, and being the good friend he is, he told me that he had "hooked me up BIG TIME." So jebus knows how much we actually managed to spend. It was way too much fun though. After the bar, Dick was having some people over to go swimming at his apartment. Raul and I swung by Marshalls for the half bottle of raspberry vodka I had purchased the day before and managed to drink that while wading in our underwear until 4am. It was crazy, crazy drunken fun. The kind of fun business professional people do not have. I can't wait to do it again soon.

Speaking of segues, I think I will do it again soon. I got a call from Chris, the boy who goes to Yale, for those of you who are bad with names. He was in Plano last night and he got to come by my house and then I gave him the full Plano experience by going to chit chat outside Starbucks with overpriced coffee and chain smoking. He is in CS through August and I will most certainly come back sooner than planned to visit him again before he whisks away back to the east coast. It was really good to get to see him and have a chance to sit down and talk about everything that's gone on in about the last seven months. Another reason I need to get back to CS in the near future is that I really need a haircut. I'm not backing out on my decision to never cut my hair again, but my last hair cut by the fat bitch at Toni & Guy was so bad that it's just not growing out right. So I'm going to get Hannah to fix it for the long haul.

The final piece of news is that I got to swing by Humble on Saturday from about 1:00 to 7:00. I went to see my 2 week old niece, Kaylyn. That was too much fun. She was sooo small and so cute. I got her some socks, a blanket and some shoes. I told you all how much I love shoes on babies, right? G*d, that cracks me up. They are too big for her at the moment, but I can't wait until she grows into them. She was so funny. She doesn't really have control of her arms or legs yet. She kind of flails around without rhyme or reason any time she gets upset. So when she yawns and her pacifier (otherwise known by its brand name, Soothie) falls out of her mouth, it is a challenge to get it back in her mouth before the screaming starts. Every time you get close, she knocks you out of the way. So my brother does this thing where he grabs her tiny hands and kind of holds them to her chest and says, "Let's get organized!" It was way too funny. Visiting Kaylyn will definitely have to be a priority in the months and years to come. I was thinking about going out of town for my 3 day weekend over Labor Day, but Stephen, Rachel and Kaylyn are coming to Dallas to visit, so I'm modoubly staying for that. Plus, I think Ryan S■■■ is having a party, so all you College Station boys should come up for that. Start making plans.

This blog is ridiculously long, but I had a lot to say, so I hope you enjoyed reading it. My call to action is for each of you to post your thoughts and experiences with pi, big bar tabs, and tiny babies. Until then, peace, my friends. And good night.

Day two of the real job is in the sack, and I have to report that I have yet to do anything. Both days my supervisor has told me to just "hang out" which is cool in a way but it doesn't exactly pass the time. I spend the days sitting in my cubicle watching the clock counting dollars. I did get to steal away for a little bit today to get new windshield wipers that I am WAY too excited about. Mine were torn to shreds and were frankly a hazard to my health. Now my windshield is like looking through air. I never realized the difference it could make.

Another plus is that I work with the coolest man alive. His name is Trey and he's this old rednek. He's a pretty good programmer and a helluva nice guy. But my favorite thing about him is how slow he talks. You'll just have to catch the live impression to realize how slow it is when I say slow. I swear he takes a good two minutes between every word and it cracks me up. Plus it makes time feel like its just whizzing by.

I just wanted to hit you all up and let you know whats new. I went to Studio on Monday with a bunch of coworkers and had a good time. And then Jay called me tonight and said he'd picked up a shift so I went and kept him company. It has nothing to do with free beer or his hot coworkers, I'm just a nice friend. While I was there this kid came up to the bar to order a drink, and he looked around 12. He had an Oklahoma driver's license and asked if he could have a Long Island Iced Tea in a to go cup. Jay asked him to fill out a unicard application and he was like "oh naw thats cool." It was the funniest thing I'd seen all day.

I also promised you all pictures, and those are coming. A bunch of pictures actually. So many that I didn't feel like doing it tonight. I'm gonna have to thumbnail them all to fit into a blog, but they're wicked fun pictures. Expect those soon. It's way past my bed time. Catch you skillets on the flip siiide.