I went to the sleep lab again. This time, I slept normally at home for 8 hours and then woke up at my normal time and went to the hospital. I got to eat breakfast and then had to take a nap. I took 30 minute naps at 9, 11, 1, 3 and 5. If during any one of these tests, you happen to fall asleep within 10 minutes, that is a cause for some concern. But there are so many factors that they take the average. Cause some people will fall asleep really easily after lunch and stuff. Anywho, the AVERAGE time it took me to fall asleep was under 2 minutes. So I have scientific verification that I am tired. Awesome.

That's the reason I was afraid I had narcolepsy. But the difference between me and a narcoleptic is that they fall directly into REM immediately, and, well, we all know, I never go into REM. So I'm just way tired. And they don't know why. Well, they do know why. Because I have horrible, horrible apnea. But we cured that and it made it worse. So ... what to do?

They finally took Miles' advice. Miles always told me that my problem wasn't sleeping, it was being awake. And they make pills for that. Well, I got some. It's called Provigil. It is a modafinil stimulant that has none of the addictive side effects of an amphetamine. Please try to remember the name of my medication because I am taking the good shit -- the name brand. Nothing generic here. There are some knock-offs on the market that you can get, though. The first one I found is called Brovigil. It keeps you awake all day... and can also work as a date rape drug when placed in a freshman girl's Zima. Then, there is Movigil. Movigil smells good, but oddly enough tastes like well-vodka and Astroglide. Don't ask me how I know that. So ultimately, I decided I'd go with the Pro- version of the medication. There was one substitute I considered opting for, but it was just wayyyy too bitter. It was called Sidesho-vigil.

I am currently dosing with the Provigil, but will probably eventually be taking 200mg in the morning and 200mg right after lunch. I don't know that it's done me any good just yet, but we shall see. Once I get stabilized with the correct amount of stimulants, I am going to try the CPAP again. And then once we get to a point where I can sleep (and function the next day) using the CPAP, I'm sure I'll go in for another round of tests. My doctor said he's turned me into a research study since he's never seen anything like this before. I asked, but he said that it didn't mean that he would be paying me from now on instead of vice versa.

It's a never ending saga. I'm taking a break from it all this weekend in Austin to go to Leslie's house warming. And I might be going to Detroit on Monday for a week. That's still up in the air. Sheezalmighty, grood times. Holla back, yungin'.

And before you even ask ... $20.