I cannot for the life of me figure out why people are always trying to get out of jury duty. In my case, at least, I'd always reveled in my ability to skirt my civic duty but only because everyone else was doing the same thing. When I finally stopped to think about it, I realized that jury duty is awesome. And if you're on the bottom rung of a totem pole, not sacrificing your salary, then it's like paid vacation. I was determined right from the beginning to get seated on a jury and campaign to be the foreman.

So you get there and walk into a huge auditorium with thousands of others. And you take an oath and watch an orientation video and then you take a nap. It's supposed to be a cross section of the population and I found it hilariously interesting how true that was. There was just every walk of life in that room. Prime people watching. If you're a people watcher like me, try to get summoned, it was heaven. Everyone has a juror number, mine was #1133. And they call you in groups by your number. So 1-400 go to the fifth floor. But that doesn't mean 400 people are going because only 25% of people answer their jury summons. So I finally got called and I was excited because it was a criminal court -- longer trials.

Then you go upstairs and wait some more. And they're reading through my information card -- age, sex, race -- and compiling a list of 65 out of the 100 or more who are waiting. And the lucky 65 get a clip board with a questionnaire. So I got one. And up to this point is been pure luck, but here's my first real audition. So I start filling out the questions and I think it asked what do you think of the judicial system, what do you think of cops, prosecutors, defense attorneys. And I'm just saying the most bland vanilla things I can. I think it's good, they're good, I have no strong opinion. I answered NO to every single other question that asked if I had been the victim of a crime, known someone who had, had any experience in life that may bias me one way or the other.

And then its into a room for questioning from both the sides. They each get to strike 10 people from being on the jury. So they're trying to find the 10 most opinionated or stupid people by asking pointed questions. The prosecutor asked, "If a bank is robbed but only one person has a gun should everyone involved be charged with armed robbery?" Some people said yes, some people said no. Yours truly said "Well that would depend heavily on the evidence presented. If everyone knew about the gun and it was part of the plan, then yes, but if one guy deviated from the plan and introduced a gun and it can be proven that the others had no prior knowledge, then I would say no." Then the defense attorney got up. He asked me, "What is a reasonable doubt." And I struggled. So he said, "Let me put it this way, if certainty is 100%, what percentage is reasonable doubt?" And I said, "Well, I think maybe the answer you're getting at is 99%? But I'm not sure that even makes sense to quantify that. It's going to rely on concrete evidence and witness testimony lining up in such a way that I'm personally convinced of the truth. But that is going to be unique for each person sitting in this room."

So I'm feeling pretty good. And it worked. I got onto the 12. I was so excited. And I showed up the next day ready to serve but instead all we did was sit in the jury room cracking jokes. 11 lively, funny, and energetic people joined me in this little room and we just had the time of our lives. Around lunch they brought us into the court room and said go home, he took a plea bargain. He had committed 5 robberies at gun point in a short span and had been caught basically red handed. So he was guilty. They were just using us as leverage to get him to take the plea. Afterwards I asked the prosecutor what it was that got us all selected. And she said "Well, it's really a deselection process. None of you said anything to get you deselected." And she pointed out a few examples of things people had said that made them seem impartial. And she added, "And you, Mr. F■■■■. Well, you didn't say ANYTHING that offended ANYONE so you were in like flint." Score.

So I was disappointed to not sit through a long and interesting trial. But I suppose justice was served. I can't wait for my next summons. I'm checking for it daily.