mar·riage [mrj] n.

• The legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife.
• The state of being married; wedlock.
• A common-law marriage.
• A union between two persons having the customary but usually not the legal force of marriage: a same-sex marriage.
• A wedding.

Not sure what brought this particular entry to fruition, but it's something I've been thinking about lately. If you want to define marriage, don't go reading bibles, and certainly don't go listening to Bushito as he scratches the back of the KKKnights of Columbus. No, my friends, you have to go no further than our own beloved dictionary.com.

Marriage is a long standing religious farce, but in modern times has taken on a legally binding aspect. This is what gay marriage is about. Nobody gives a fuck if g*d smiles upon them as the father of the groom walks her down the aisle. There are issues dealing with wills, custody, hospital visitation, healthcare benefits. To take a sweeping stance that one entire group of people should be denied an entire set of rights and privileges that you enjoy based on the way they were born ... is bigotry.

We do not live in a theocracy, no matter what Jorge thinks. One of the founding principles of this country is the separation of church and state, and to insinuate that they should be melded is frankly un-American ... and a detriment to our troops. But what if we did live in this X-tian Garden of Eden where the Satanic gays were not allowed to be citizens. Wouldn't it be perfect?

So to this end, I say go ahead and ban gay marriage. Hurrah! But in all fairness, in our new X-tian Eden, divorce is also against the law. Sorry that you got knocked up at the age of 19 by your quarterback boyfriend who now does drywall for his old man's construction company and hits you. Unfortunately, extra-marital sexual relations are illegal, so you had to get married before you started to show. Also, you can never, ever divorce him. Sure, you could have possibly aborted the baby in the first trimester, but that's also illegal. Not that you would have had to deal with that had condoms not been outlawed. Conversely, since the real purpose of marriage is indeed procreation, any married couple who desires no children, or physically cannot bear child, will be annulled. All of this only pertains to X-tians anyway, people of other religions are not permitted to marry under their customs, since this country was founded with the purpose of forcing religion on people. And hell, while we're at it, let's just say that only whites can get married. I think we'll all be more comfortable that way. After all, this country was founded originally by white people ... and jesus was white.

There, I feel better now that we got that all ironed out, don't you? Now let's go drink some beer. And don't forget to vote on November 2nd, or P. Diddy will be angry.