SideshoViD There was something in the city that he said he couldn't breatheAnd there was something in the country that he said he couldn't leaveSo long, #bigskymontana on to Yellowstone. #wildmontanaskies
June 25, 2019
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SideshoViD We had ALL the weather today in #Montana. Started out sunny, then got cold and rainy, but ended nice. Hoping the restaurant tonight can make a proper Manhattan!
June 23, 2019
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SideshoViD Happy #PiDay everyone! This year let's resolve to stop rounding off at 3.14 and go for 3.14159
March 14, 2019
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SideshoViD Celebrating 13 years with this guy #♥️ #danniversary
January 26, 2019
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SideshoViD Literally hundreds of likes. What a year! #TopNine2018
December 26, 2018
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SideshoViD We are literally the only two people in this building somehow @dtossetti
November 3, 2018
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SideshoViD Busy night at the Magnolia for #BeautifulBoy glad we got here a little early @dtossetti
October 26, 2018
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SideshoViD Pre-dinner whiskey sours downstairs with @dtossetti
October 9, 2018
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SideshoViD @dtossetti ordered the big beer #dublin #storehousestories #🇮🇪
October 7, 2018
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SideshoViD Today we learned how to use @bird scooters. #rideordie maybe #rideanddie
September 23, 2018
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SideshoViD @dtossetti free stylin' with the #mandarinorientallasvegas resident lobby robot. The future is now? #molasvegas #pepperthemobot
August 11, 2018
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SideshoViD Nothing punctuates a trip to #yayafootspa with @dtossetti like some @emporiumpies we even got a couple of their new "pie-scream" to go!
August 5, 2018
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SideshoViD Welcome home conveyor belt sushi!
June 15, 2018
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SideshoViD Making your own #aperolspritz at home is a great money saving technique! #frugal
May 18, 2018
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SideshoViD Video recording is in progress at Lowe's, my weekend happy place
April 21, 2018
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SideshoViD Happy birthday to my #mcf @dtossetti I love you! #♥️
April 13, 2018
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SideshoViD Last #Paris selfie together @dtossetti heads home in the morning 😭
January 15, 2018
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SideshoViD Requisite #Paris selfie #palaisgarnier
January 13, 2018
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SideshoViD Requisite #Paris #selfie with @dtossetti
January 12, 2018
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SideshoViD @dtossetti was right! Good guess! #lemeurice #paris #mynextstilllife #whiskeysour
November 5, 2017
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SideshoViD If you're at the #DallasPride music festival come by and say hi to @dtossetti and me representing #TheTrevorProject we've got RAINBOW STICKERS!
September 16, 2017
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SideshoViD I didn't want Daniel to take my picture but he said it was "golden hour." #goldenhour #britishcolumbia #alaskacruise
July 21, 2017
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SideshoViD Jetlag in the front, #Paris in the back. As seen from #sacrecoeur while we wait for our hotel room to be ready #🇫🇷 #🗼
March 23, 2017
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SideshoViD It was us or the sign, but impossible to get both. Don't worry it just says #iamsterdam @dtossetti leaves me tomorrow and I spend the rest of the week in #amsterdam without him 😭
February 6, 2017
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SideshoViD The perfect Christmas present from @dtossetti and @inagarten … Can't wait to make it all! #cookingforjeffrey #cookingfordaniel
December 25, 2016
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SideshoViD Here we are at #SchlossBensberg a baroque hunting lodge turned hotel. Spending a few nights here while touring around #Köln
September 28, 2016
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SideshoViD That there is #SchlossLichtenstein perched on the side of a massive cliff. Supremely fortified. #schlosscation2016
September 24, 2016
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SideshoViD That's #SchlossLinderhof below. We've completed the #KingLudwigII trifecta now. This one he actually used, but still always alone. Poor guy. We think @dtossetti may have been him in another life.
September 22, 2016
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SideshoViD Schlosscation off to a good start. Here we are at #SchlossNymphenburg oder #schloßnymphenburg. Nice rainy day with @dtossetti
September 19, 2016
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SideshoViD It's not officially done until you've Instagrammed it.
November 28, 2015
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SideshoViD Happy 4th! #merica #kaboomtown
July 3, 2015
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SideshoViD #Walgreens providing safety and savings
October 18, 2014
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SideshoViD Off the block, onto the model #dijonmillinery #millinery
October 7, 2014
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SideshoViD Yes that is @dtossetti on stage at the #HoopdeedooRevue. I was busting. He did SO GOOD!!1!
May 10, 2014
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SideshoViD Chef Daniel on his thirtieth making Italian almond cookies
April 13, 2014
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SideshoViD Drinks tonight in the basement Ritz Club. I think we'll be back tomorrow.
April 7, 2014
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SideshoViD Home, sweet home #ritz #london #danielsturnin30 @dtossetti
April 6, 2014
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SideshoViD Checking my blind spot at the #DallasAutoShow
February 23, 2014
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SideshoViD NYE #2014 Tradition for us to ring it in at the #RitzDallas
December 31, 2013
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SideshoViD @dtossetti is on TV!!! #cvs #shinanigans #neededicefordrinks
December 22, 2013
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SideshoViD Watching the #sunset in #lajolla drinking a #tower10ipa with @dtossetti
December 22, 2013
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SideshoViD A most successful #glamping trip in #oklahoma this weekend #arbuckle #turnerfalls
December 15, 2013
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SideshoViD There's no way tying ropes to bikes can end well
November 5, 2013
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SideshoViD Daniel doing his part to beautify the #uptown streets.
This year we're going to be checking out Easter in the Park. Which from what I can tell by word of mouth, is a really big deal in Uptown. From what I can tell by the internet, it hasn't existed since 2007. All I really wanted to know was what time people generally started showing up, and what most people tended to bring -- blankets, wine, cheese? But I guess I'll just have to do whatever I want and hope it's not too outlandish.
Speaking of outlandish, Daniel's birthday is coming up and as his present this year, I've decided to throw him out of an airplane. And I'm going to join him. We'll both be free falling from 13,500 feet above beautiful Whitewright, Texas. I'm absolutely terrified but strangely looking forward to the experience. I think it'll be a riot. I paid a little extra to have the whole thing documented on video for posterity. I may or may not show you all. They do post the freefall on the internet for all to see. Anyway, wish me luck.
And good luck to all of you finding eggs laid by rabbits. Creepy.
Febrehabruarvi Day 7
Sunday, February 7, 2010 6:42 pm
I don't know if you've noticed the conspicuous omission of any posts about Febrehab this year. It's not that I'm not doing -- I am. It's just that it's really not much of a challenge this year. I really don't drink a whole lot these days. And, I wasn't going to mention this publicly, just in case, but now I think it's pretty official: I quit smoking 6 months ago.
Right when we got back from Owen's wedding when I wasn't feeling well, I didn't smoke and then I just kind of figured I would keep it going just for the hell of it. So now that's that. I don't foresee myself ever going back to it. I don't even miss it.
But that does kind of take the fun out of rehab if you're not addicted to anything. But this year I am trying to focus on sleeping more, so I've moved my bedtime up to 10:30pm. I do not stay up past that for any reason. And the other side challenge is to do something cultural in Dallas each weekend in February. So yesterday JennyCole came into town and we went with her to the Dallas Museum of Art. Got some general admission passes and walked around and looked at art. She'd been there 100 times, Daniel had been a few times, but I've never been. It was a really fun way to spend the afternoon. Then we came back and chit chatted for a while and then Jenny had to leave.
So far so good, just not a lot to report so I've kind of forgotten to keep the blog up to date, but you're probably getting used to that these days, no?
A new chapter
Thursday, January 21, 2010 5:42 pm
Now we enter a new chapter in my life: The crazy years. Let me see if I can preface this well enough. 5 months ago everything was grand. I flew to San Diego for a wedding, and while I was there I got very, very dizzy. This incessant dizziness was coupled with my heart skipping beats. I said nothing just wanting to get on a plane and come home. And when I did, I finally told Daniel how I had been feeling all day and he took me to the ER.
They took blood. They took XRays. They did an MRI and a catscan. They measured my blood pressure laying, sitting, standing. I subsequently went to a cardiologist and had a full workup stress test of my heart done. Everything comes back saying everything is normal. And yet, I'm still dizzy.
A while back the dizziness was accompanied with what I can only describe as a panic attack. I'd lay on the couch, somewhat spinning, heart racing, palms sweaty, adrenaline pumping. I went to the doctor and she prescribed me anti-anxiety medicine. But I was in the process of buying this condo. So everyone was like it's probably just stress from that. And as soon as everything was squared away and finalized, the anxiety went away so I brushed it off and carried on.
Well now it's back and worse than before. I have varying degrees of vertigo but it's pretty much a daily occurrence. I haven't been able to walk down a hallway free of fear of falling down or passing out now for 5 months. And the past few days I've been so worked up over it that I've skipped meals and I've been sleeping 12+ hours every day and never feeling the least bit rested. So I went BACK to the doctor. This time she made me an appointment with a neurologist for tomorrow morning and gave me a prescription to Xanax.
Now, I'm a bit of a Xanaxpert when it comes to abusing the drug. I've seen what it does to people who take it every hour on the hour. But I've never tried it myself. I think I will take half of one tonight just to try and guarantee a peaceful night. I've been told I will probably just pass out. But if I can just make it through a decent meal and get some rest, I think that will be the best for me.
If the neurologist finds nothing then I am truly crazy, hypochondriac and I need to be locked away for good. More news when I have it.
I am a Digesting Reader
Wednesday, September 16, 2009 5:37 pm
You all know how I am an extreme fan of Reader's Digest. I just read the best article and it spawned a new weekend activity for me. It was all about how to be your own body guard.
It has little tips like how you should always stop your car where you can see the tires of the car in front of you. That way if someone tries to carjack you, you can swerve around the car in front of you to get away. (And then immediately throw that bitch right back in reverse and permanently solve the problem.) They also say if you're being attacked you should yell "Fire!" instead of "Help!" People's natural inclination when someone is yelling for help is to get away because they don't want to get sucked into it. But they are also so inclined to run toward a fire, thinking they'll be able to help in some way. That was by far my favorite hint. They also suggest carrying a little bit of "mugger's money." This is just a little bit of easily accessible cash that can be handed over if need be to someone putting a pistol in your pie hole. Most muggers are looking for a quick buck and will run away once they have it, so it's better to lose a $20 than a jaw bone.
But onto the activity. I get this feeling Daniel hates the multitude of activities I have planned at any one time, but he has to participate in this one. We've talked before about getting some mace to keep in the house just in case someone was breaking in. Realistically, I'm more concerned about a confused, irate drunk person trying to get into what they think is their apartment than I am about a robber trying to take my things. So I think mace would suffice to keep me safe. However, if I am woken up in the middle of the night by the sound of my front door being kicked in, my ass is going out the window, pronto.
We have a door in our bedroom that opens to the outside. Only it goes nowhere. There's no balcony or anything, just a railing to a 4 foot drop. So like Reader's Digest suggest, I've informed Daniel that we will be having a break-in drill soon. I want to lay in bed and pretend the door just got kicked in and then see how long it takes us to get up, grab a cell phone, unlock and open the pointless door, and then jump over the railing to the flowerbeds below. He is confident that in the situation we would rise to the occasion, but that is just the kind of talk my four dollar magazine advises against.
Anyone wanna run the stop watch for us?
Don’t listen to your heart
Sunday, September 6, 2009 12:31 pm
The ear infection did indeed clear up and I am back on solid ground. Lately it seems like I can't go one full day without getting vertigo, or my knee giving out, or my back spasming, or my throat getting sore, or missing out on a good night of sleep. Daniel suggested that I might be a hypochondriac to which I replied, "Oh g*d! Do you think so? Should I go see a doctor?!" Instead, I've decided to cut out that middle man and reach the same conclusion with no muss, no fuss. From now on, I am ignoring my body.
I'm not sure how I got out of the habit of ignoring problems until they go away, but I'm back in it now. It's especially helpful at the gym when my heart is racing and my head is swimming, my knees are burning, but I just keep going. Because really what's harm?
I was pretty shocked though when I got my bill for the two trips to the ER. Not including the $100 copay I have to pay each time, my total bill was $0.00. I was unaware this was possible. I thought that trips to the ER were a financial death sentence. I never knew there was insurance that actually covered anything. I thought the purpose of insurance was to take all of your money and then find reasons to not cover you later. Maybe my new corporate insurance is designed to take care of its employees? I don't know what happened, but I feel like all the money I feared I would have to spend is now free to be blown in Vegas.
Vegas trip is less than a month away. I can't wait. Then we're trying to get a game plan together of whether we're vacationing anywhere over the holidays. We're thinking maybe Denver or New Orleans. More to come on that.
Stay classy, San Diego.
Saturday, August 15, 2009 11:24 am
Last weekend, Daniel and I took off Friday and Monday so we could fly out to San Diego for Owen and Kimi's nuptials. I'd never been to San Diego and Daniel was quite familiar with it so he was excited to kind of show me around. We had a bachelor/bachelorette party on Friday and a wedding on Sunday so there was plenty of down time. San Diego is such a lovely little city. The weather was immaculate -- especially after a few weeks of 100+ temperatures here. The people are all really cool, friendly, and generally proud of themselves for living in San Diego. The wedding was really pretty out at this little marina outside with a backdrop of boats. The reception was really fun too. So that was ... man, it was just great....
So Monday morning, because the newly weds were staying in our hotel (which was pretty bomb, btw) we asked them if they'd like to meet up with us for breakfast. And walking down to the restaurant, I kept like losing my balance, putting my hand on the wall to stabilize myself. I was DD at the reception so I really didn't drink much, but I just kind of shrugged it off thinking it must have been the dark beer I'm not used to. But then it happened again, and again, again. And now at this point I'm getting nervous and my heart is like fluttering. But I figured a nice big breakfast, and a couple hours of napping would take care of it since we didn't have to check out or be at the airport for some time.
It helped a little, but after we turned in the rental car, it happened like 100 more times. I just couldn't keep my balance, I kept feeling like I was falling over. Not wanting to alarm Daniel, and not wanting to delay our departure, I decided to chance it and say nothing and get on the plane. I managed to sleep most of the way through the flight and survived. We landed, got our bags, were walking out to the car, and this time I went like down to the ground. It was really scaring me. So when we got home, I said something to Daniel about how this had been going on all day. My heart wasn't beating regularly and I was passing out ever 10 minutes. So we did the only thing we could think to do and went to the ER.
They hooked me up to heart monitors and took chest XRays and blood and urine and said everything came back perfectly healthy. Maybe it was stress. I should go home and rest and I'd be fine. If anything happened though to come back immediately. The next day I went to work, fell down on the way to the bathroom, didn't know which way was up, so back to the ER I went. This time they took blood again, then did a catscan and an MRI of my brain. Everything was normal so they sent me home. I started thinking about it, and my symptoms were so acute that I couldn't think of anything it could be but an ear problem. So I called our old friend Dr. Schwimmer at the Snoring Center of Dallas (since he is an ENT doctor by trade) and asked him if he could help me. He is so nice. He said swing by the next day and he'd take a look.
Well, I'm pleased to tell you that I have an inner ear infection that should clear up on its own in 3-5 days. He advised me to not drive, stay home from work, and sleep as much as my body wanted to (which just so happens to be like 20 hours a day if you include naps). And I already feel much better. I'm a tad embarrassed I went to the ER, but you kind of have to decide in that moment if you want to ignore this and see what happens or if you want to be safe. At least I know now for sure that my heart is healthy, my brain is defect free, and I have no bladder infections. How many of you can say that? Still, I imagine there are cheaper ways to get physicals.
Alas, I'm on the road to recovery. My touch of the dizzies has already waned. Here's hoping I'll be fine by Monday. Just wanted you all to hear this story in case it happens to you, I might be able to save you a few trips to the hospital.
I can see your dirty pillows. Everyone will.
Sunday, July 12, 2009 12:35 am
I've always tried to be a bit of an ideas man (see: Mega-Blinds) but ever since Pitchmen came on TV, I've been dying to come up with an invention that I can market on TV. Sadly, Billy Mays passed away recently, so I don't think they're going to continue the show. But I can't let that stop me. I must press forward with new ideas.
Which brings me to my latest invention. It occurred to me while laying on top of Daniel, blocking his view of the television just how comfortable it is to lay on someone's chest. Why not make a pillow that follows those contours for use all the time? I can't really speak towards a woman's chest, but I assume that most straight men would be deterred from buying a pillow in the shape of another man, even though it is undeniably comfy, so I made some women pillows too.
You can't tell me you wouldn't buy one of these. You could, but you'd be lying. What do you think? I think it's a little better idea than my clip-on pants cuffs. For those days when you realize your jeans are just a little too short to be wearing. You reach into your glove box and pull out your clip-on cuffs and extend your pants an extra inch or two. I'm working on a prototype as we speak. I'll be sure to let you see it. As long as you don't steal it and market it! I'm serious.
I can't believe I stayed up an extra hour to photoshop boobs onto pillow. Wait, maybe I can. Late.
The new job
Tuesday, May 19, 2009 6:02 pm
I cannot tell you how much satisfaction my new job brings me. I feel like I have actual responsibilities with actual challenges being "managed" by an actual manager. It's pretty fun to look forward to work every day for a change. And to only work 8 hours a day. And to ride the Vespa every day since I won't be required on any construction sites. I just couldn't be happier.
It's also freed up my weekends completely for revelry. I always love it when drunken meandering leads you to random fun. Last weekend Daniel and I found ourselves in the back of a horse-drawn carriage, surrounded by xmas lights, drinking red wine. We went all around the neighborhood zig zagging through buildings, even stopping off at a bar to get topped off with some wine to-go. I must admit we were merely along for the ride while our crazy neighbors made it all happen, but still it was good to be out and about every so slightly breaking the law to turn a good time into a great time. I wanted Daniel to take off on the horse bareback through the park after we watched him get unsaddled, but that probably wasn't as good of an idea as I thought it was right at that moment.
I also have signed on with a new personal trainer at the gym. He's this guy we kind of know from the neighborhood who is giving us a really good deal so we're gonna train 2 or 3 times a week depending on how we like it. Gotta get in shape for St. Thomas.
Did you know we are going to St. Thomas in June -- which is going to be amazing. Then it's off to San Diego in August to watch Owen get married. EEEEEEEE!!1! Then in October we're going to Vegas because we have floor seats to Kylie Minogue's first every North American tour. Couldn't be more excited about that. My dad even got us two free hotel rooms in Vegas with his timeshare for me and my friends. Suck on that.
Sorry about the lack of updates. It'll probably stay this way for a while, I'm completely unmotivated to blog. Maybe I should start twittling or whatever.
It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day
Saturday, May 2, 2009 7:26 am
Today I accepted a job offer. After about 2 years of frustration in my current position, I will be transitioning over to tech support for my company. It's a big move and one I think will result in crazy amounts of job satisfaction. The only downside is that I won't be sitting next to all of my friends, but I'll still be in the same building and we can still go to lunch together, so hopefully that won't be a very big deal. It's been a long time coming and I can't wait to get started. But I don't make the move until May 15.
I don't normally talk about work, but I thought that was at least worthy of a mention. In other news, damn I haven't updated in a while. I'm falling back into that mindset of maybe I should let SideshoViD.com join the annals of history. It doesn't do me any harm to keep it going other than 19 dollars a month, but I just hate stagnant blogs and mine never has been one before. We'll see.
We've had a little bit of fun since the jury duty episode. For one thing, the Allistralian and her then fiance Dom stopped through town. I had them help me hatch an elaborate birthday scheme for Daniel's 25th. A few days prior I had gone and purchased the new Dyson DC25 vacuum as a present, but rather than just giving it to Daniel, I concocted a script with Dom. He came over on a Saturday because Allison was busy at a wedding shower or something. And he brought with him a birthday potted plant. I think it went over so well just because he's British and when he says, "Everyone needs a pot plant," Daniel just took it as normal. Then he said, "But don't water it because it's already been watered." I had asked him to throw that in there because the plan was to knock the dirt on the ground and I really didn't want it to be mud.
So we were spending the day in and out of the apartment by the pool. And when we got back before Daniel, Dom spooned some of the dirt onto the carpet and then exclaimed, "Oh shit Daniel sorry," right as he was coming back in. And just as planned, he ran to get the vacuum. Only our vacuum was gone and replaced with the Dyson. It was pretty classic. He seems to really like his birthday present. Derrr. Wouldn't you? On a sadder note, Allison and Dom have decided to go their separate ways starting right meow. You can read about that on their travel blog whileyouwereworking.com.
Not much else to report at this time. If I think of something, I'm going to try to update a little more going forward. Later, skillets.
Jury Duty
Monday, March 23, 2009 6:27 pm
I haven't blogged in quite some time. And I rarely if ever talk about my job on my blog, but I can't really explain my recent absence without it, so I'm breaking all the rules. I've been assigned to a project that has sucked the joy from my life. If there is something I enjoy doing -- being with Daniel, watching TV, riding my Vespa -- I no longer have time for it. I've been waking up around 5:30am every day, going to a construction site, working 10-12 hours, coming home, and programming or making changes until midnight... only to wake up the next morning and do it again. And this is Monday through Saturday with no end in sight. I've really been on the verge of just not showing up ever again, but so far have persevered.
But today, a ray of sunshine broke through the clouds. I got summoned for jury duty!
I've been summoned several times in the past, but it was always in Collin County. And I haven't lived in Collin County for quite some time. So all I had to do was go to their website, check the box that said I didn't live there, and submit, and I was exempt. But I think voting may have set their records straight so today I got it for Dallas County. So its the first time that I actually have to go. Normally, I'd be dodging it like everyone else, but with my job sucking as bad as it is right now, I'm seriously excited. And with only an up-side to being selected, I will be doing whatever it takes to get on that jury. I will say whatever they want to hear. They're going to have to DRAG me from that courtroom if they don't choose me.
Really when you think about it, it is kind of cool to be on a jury. Like watching an episode of SVU and deciding the outcome. Most people just avoid it because its a total pain in the ass. But if you've got nowhere better to go, might as well, sit back, relax, and enjoy the drama. It's not until April 6th, so I've just got to last until then. But I'll be sure to let you all know how my selection process goes.
Febrehabruarv Day 5: 81.06 miles to go
Thursday, February 5, 2009 10:05 pm
What a wonderful Febrehabruarv it's been so far. Without any dietary restrictions, the transition has been pretty seamless. I could most definitely go for a beer after the week I've had, but that temptation will be easy to avoid. The only hard part is that I have a bathtub full of beer bottles containing the most delicious brew you've ever tasted.
Saturday night Daniel and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary that just so happens to coincide with the onset of Febrehab. So we always do it up right. We had an outrageous meal of tenderloin, Chilean sea bass, ahi tuna, and lobster, accentuated with many "very, very, very dirty Grey Goose martinis with just a *splash* of vermouth and 3 blue cheese stuffed olives" (write that down). We got home feeling rather toasty and decided to pop open a few of the homebrew beers that I bottled a week prior. They weren't technically aged to fruition just yet but we figured what the hell. AND IT WAS SO GOOD. I'm not just saying that because I brewed it. It might be the best beer I've ever had. I can't wait to try it when its fully aged and chilled and everything. We were drinking it straight from the bathtub. So March 1st everyone come on by and I'll let you have one. I fully intend to brew again.
Then the physical challenge began. I am quite pleased to announce that I have gone running every day so far. This whole 4 miles a day bullshit is nearly impossible. I ran myself sick the second day and had to back off a little the third but now I'm back on pace. I have gone a total of 18.94 miles since Sunday and have no intention of slowing down. I have my progress charted in Excel and I know what I need to average every day for the rest of the month to meet my 100 mile goal and it is daunting. There's no way I'm taking a day off and raising that average.
Every muscle in my body hates me and my knees -- I think -- are about to fall off. But I'm still going strong. Anybody out there participating?
merry belated xristmas
Wednesday, January 21, 2009 11:14 pm
My brother just sent out a Picasa album to the family of his trip to Texas. It was a pretty large album detailing Kelsey's birthday parties and all the goings on of a couple different families around the holidays. Daniel was sitting with me as we scrolled through them and eventually got to some that we were both in. Then we stumbled upon the gem of all photos. It might just be my favorite picture of us together ever. We liked it so much, in fact, that we wished we had gotten it months ago so we could have turned it into a heartfelt xristmas card. Well, you know what they say, better late then ... ah fuck it. Merry xristmas!
It’s all custom made … and I design it all myself!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009 9:37 pm
I have a new theory.
All women will one day start a jewelry business. All women.
This occurred to Daniel and me while we were getting ready to watch the latest installment of the Really Desperate Housewives of Orange County. The info described Lynne – who is that? – starting her own jewelry business. This is after Laurie fucked around until she found a man with enough money to fund her jewelry business. And one of the housewives in Atlanta used the money from her husband’s NFL career to start her jewelry business. Not unlike the woman who was at On the Border (or OTB as the cool kids call it) the other night we were eating there when BJs was backed up, hocking her shitty jewelry she had undoubtedly “designed” as part of her startup company.
This is the thing that bothers me. You don’t design jewelry. Stringing beads in different patterns on fishing line is not designing. Massive pieces of turquoise surrounded by coiled wire … how beautiful. And let me guess: it’s all custom-made.
It’s all shit. Sorry, ladies.
Now that some of you know your predisposition towards starting jewelry companies, maybe you can hope to avoid the inevitable. But it’s highly unlikely. Speaking of highly unlikely, I’ve decided what the Febrehabruarv challenge will be. Sometimes I supplement the test of my less-than-iron will with caffeine depravation, or protein depravation … or like the failed Master Cleanse of Febrehabruariv … with food depravation. But this time, it’s a dare. A double dare. A physical challenge!
I will run 100 miles in 28 days.
So let me clarify. We all know my arthritic ass (or knees, as it were) cannot run 1 mile let alone 100. So it is going to be on an elliptical machine. And it averages out to about 4 miles a day, which I’ve timed as taking about an hour. If I go every day and run for an hour on the elliptical machine, I will eventually earn myself a few days off. And therein, I think, lies the key to success. I really think I can do this. And now that it’s on SideshoViD.com it is official. Rawk!
Beer me!
Sunday, January 11, 2009 12:04 pm
Yesterday morning I awoke with a strange desire to brew my own beer. It's been in the back of my head for a year ever since I brewed some apple cider for Thanksgiving '08, but I can't really say what brought it to the forefront. Never being the one to back down from another potentially disastrous project, I set out to the Homebrew Headquarters in Richardson. They have everything you need there as well as several employees who are MORE than willing to help you out with any questions you may have. Go check them out some time.
So I brought home an Australian Pale Ale. Trey has made it twice and his beer has been fantastic, so I figured why mess with a good thing. And I got some dextrose corn sugar because its more easily fermentable than table sugar. And then I got a bag of light malt extract. That's new, Trey never used that, so hopefully my beer will be way better than his. The can of Australian Pale Ale was actually a thick, molasses like syrup that contained all the hops and barley and some sugars. Adding more sugar = more alcohol, so I didn't mind supplementing.
Mix and boil. That's about the only step after sanitizing everything. And sanitizing requires little more than a bleach water soaking for everything involved. My coworker who is a master brewer once told me, sanitation is important, don't skimp on that step ... but also, bear in mind that people used to brew beer in animal skins over open fires with river water, so don't sweat it too much. Who knows how good their beer (or mead) tasted, but they still succeeded in getting drunk. And isn't that just the whole point?
So I made Daniel stand and stir while I was finishing rinsing the bleach off of everything. My little bitty pot started to boil over -- which we were prepared for -- so as it boiled, we scooped it into another bowl and were planning on boiling the wort in two stages. Pretty stupid, but feasible. So I'm in the bathroom rinsing when I hear, "OH NO!" Daniel was stirring with a plastic spatula and when he pulled it out, it no longer existed. The fucking thing had melted down to a stub. As Keiff later pointed out, the only portion remaining was the part stamped with "Caution: Not Heat Resistant." So there we were with a bowl full of cold wort and a pot full of hot wort and a heaping helping of melted plastic. Down the sink it went as I rushed to my car to speed to Homebrew Headquarters before they closed. And I bought another batch of ingredients ... and a 20 quart stock pot.
The second time, Keiff came over to help and it went rather smoothly. We boiled the wort for 15 minutes until it got this really nice, dark caramel color. Then we cooled it down as best we could in a sink of ice, added 4 more gallons of spring water and poured it into the fermenting bucket. I measured the temperature to be right at 80°F which is pretty ideal for the yeast, so I pitched them in. I was worried about them because they weren't bubbling by the time we went to bed, but this morning, they're burping away. I'm so excited. Keiff wants to make a batch now and I told him we could use my equipment and take turns buying ingredients. In a few weeks, we'll bottle, which is also pretty easy with the equipment I'll be borrowing.
And then it'll be Febrehabruarv. Double-edged sword there. Sure, I won't be able to drink the beer I just worked so hard to produce. But, the beer will also continue to improve with age. You have to wait about a week after bottling so the secondary fermentation in the bottle can carbonate the liquid. But they say if you wait up to a month it'll be worlds better. So that's just what we'll do. Beer tasting party at my house, March 1st. Who's in?
Happy New Year!
Sunday, January 4, 2009 1:32 pm
I do hope that 2009 has found you well. I've certainly had a helluva start. My two week long vacation is ending tomorrow and I just don't know how I am going to cope with it. I've had a good couple of weeks though.
First, my entire family came into town. I currently have 5 nieces and 2 nephews, and was just informed that there's another on the way! It was really fun to play with all of them and give them crappy gifts that they loved. Although, I will admit that the Hannah Montana electric guitar I got for my niece Kelsey was pretty rocking, even though it's already broken. So we did the whole xristmas thing and I spent more than a few nights driving between Addison and Allen to my parents new ridiculously large house. I got wine from my brother in the gift exchange and now the wine fridge is respectably stocked. And I got the new Nikon Coolpix camera from my parents. I highly recommend this little gadget. It is so freaking advanced. I guess when you only buy one camera every decade, they're bound to improve slightly.
The other reason everyone came was for my parents surprise 35th wedding anniversary. We'd been planning it for like a year (I helped a little) and had some extended family and a lot of old family friends hiding in the banquet room at Sneaky Pete's in Lewisville. Then when my parents came in with my sister for what they thought was an oddly dressy, far drive to Lake Lewisville just for dinner, everyone yelled HAPPY ANNIVERSARY and the merriment proceeded. DJ iMernex even DJed the party which was pretty fun. There was "free" beer and wine so I think everyone managed to have a good time and I know my parents really appreciated it. And I got the buffet leftovers so Daniel and I ate chicken and roast beef for a week.
Then we did xristmas with Daniel's family over at our apartment. His mom made filet mignon wrapped in puff pastry with some sort of filling. It was really good. We were in charge of vegetables so we served leftover green beens and potato wedges from the anniversary party. Waste not. Then we did a little gift exchange. His dad gave me a really cool shirt and a fedora that I adore. I think his sister helped pick it out, but it's pretty bangin. And I gave his brother guitar picks, guitar strings, and a guitar strap. And he was perfectly gracious even though I thought he might be like, "I don't have a guitar, you dick." But then I surprised him with the guitar I had wrapped up in the other room. It wasn't easy getting all that on the budget that was set but I managed to do it. g*d, I love pawn shops now.
Then there was New Year's Eve. We had a bunch of people over. There was a lot of food, dancing, tons of booze. We really had a good time. Gotta tell you though, it's that time of the year when Febrehabruarv starts sounding really good to me. I was thinking that maybe I wanted to do that master cleanse again, but then I read my blog from last year and decided against it. All the descriptions of sleepless nights, heart palpitations, and incessant heartburn jogged some memories I'd obviously repressed. Maybe in another year. I think I'll hearken back to the febrehabs of yesteryear when it was easy and fun, good clean living.
I think that brings us up to speed. Happy 2009, bitches. See you around..
Scene It?
Sunday, December 14, 2008 10:43 am
Can I please tell you about my new favorite game -- Scene It? Seinfeld Edition. I'd been thinking about buying it ever since the first commercial came on TV, but I had no real reason to get up and go. Until one night when me and Keiff were sitting around drinking beers, bored, and I was like, yup, let's go to WalMart.
The reason this game is so fun is because its kind of like playing Trivial Pursuit. But instead of questions like, "In 1934, this Olympic curler became the first woman to win two silver medals," they have questions like, "What was Elaine referring to when she told Jerry, 'You can read the paper through the whole thing.'" And then you feel smart because during the hours each day that you could be reading and learning, expanding your mind and working toward the betterment of all of humanity, you're vegged out on the couch with a tempurpedic neck pillow watching syndicated episodes of Seinfeld you've already seen 12 times. Oh wait. Maybe that's just me.
Then again, the real reason I may like it so much is that I am currently undefeated. I'm not saying I'm undefeatable, because it's been real, real close a few times. But I always seem to luck out on the question for the win. The other night I was so desperate to play that I made Daniel play with me. Just the two of us. It wasn't really as much fun as it is with 3 or more. There's less of a penalty for getting something wrong because it'll just be your turn next anyway. But it was still pretty funny. The clips are all hilarious.
So if you're looking for a holiday party game this year, and you watch more TV 5pm-6pm and 10pm-11pm than any of your friends, I would highly recommend some Scene It? Seinfeld.
P.S. If this isn't the blog to display the Sidesho Seinfeld logo I made 8 years ago, I don't know what is.
It’s beginning to look a lot like xristmas
Friday, November 28, 2008 9:54 am
Since our last underwater adventure, a few things have happened. First of all, I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I wouldn't call it Turkey Day because we didn't have turkey. I'm still not sure how I feel about that. Daniel's mother had a wonderful spread for us consisting of all kinds of seafood -- her oyster stuffing is amazing. But part of me longs for the days of College Station Thanksgiving extravaganzas with all the traditional fanfare. Maybe I'll go buy a turkey on sale today and cook it and immediately turn it into sandwiches.
Daniel and I have already exchanged our xristmas presents for each other. I got him a Whirlpool Duet Steam Washer. And he got me a Whilrpool Duet Steam Dryer. They are pretty badass. Tuscan chestnut is the color. And it does everything automatically. You don't have to tell it how big the load is or how long to wash or dry it. It has "sixth sense" technology and just knows. And the washer is an energy star appliance and the estimated yearly operating costs (based on the assumption of 8 loads a week) is $13. So yeah it's gonna pay for itself in just a few decades. I'm not suggesting everyone run out and buy one because it's far greener to just keep using what you've got, but if you're in the market for a washer and dryer and you're a baller, I would highly recommend the Whirlpool.
And our xristmas lights have been up for a few days even though we've resisted the urge to turn them on. Today is the day we'll fire them up. I went to Target one day to buy some dinosaurs for my nephew's birthday and I saw their lights. And they had "soft white spheres" LEDs. I loved em so I bought them just to show Daniel. And the next time I came home, he had taken floral wire, and wired each individual bulb to the window screen spaced out evenly. And it looks so cool. So we bought 5 more strands and did all the windows. Can't wait to turn em on and leave em on for the rest of the year. They should use so little electricity, I don't see why not.
This month has been rather sparse for me blog wise. I'm sorry that robots forced me to turn off all the comments on all the blogs. Hopefully they won't find this one right away, so you'd better leave em fast. Peace!
Water, water everywhere
Saturday, November 8, 2008 8:20 am
Tuesday morning I woke up and stumbled into the bathroom. I turned on my beloved space heater to start getting the bathroom up to 80° because I hate showering in the cold. I turned the water all the way to hot and then brushed my teeth, got undressed, flexed in the mirror a few times, brushed my hair the opposite way I slept and watched it stand straight up. All just a typical morning. Only this morning, when I went to get into the shower, the water wasn't hot yet. But it was warm so I got in and waited for it to heat up the rest of the way.
That's when Daniel busted down the door and screamed, "DAVID! THE WHOLE APARTMENT IS FLOODED!"
So I jumped out of the shower (which is way safer than jumping in the shower) and frantically dried off. In hindsight now, I see that when someone tells you there's been a flood, there's really no point to drying off when you get out of the shower. Anyway, I ran into the bedroom, all was fine. Out into the hallway, and I heard *squish* *squish* *squish*. The carpet was soaked through. So we squished out towards the kitchen. The *squish* turned to *splash*. There were 3 inches of standing water everywhere. The hot water heater had ruptured in the middle of the night and sprayed hot water on to the ceiling, which then rained down on the laundry room, seeped out and flooded the apartment. It must have been going on for hours for the amount of water that was everywhere. On the plus side, it was hot water, so it felt really good walking around in it.
We managed to get the water off and then called the emergency maintenance line. They were there pretty quickly to replace the water heater. Then a couple hours later a guy was there vacuuming up the water. He cut up the carpet and removed the saturated pad and then laid the carpet back down on the concrete. Industrial blowers and dehumidifiers were going for 2 days. We got put up in a furnished guest apartment here that had one shitty full sized bed in it that Daniel and I barely managed to share. And we had to have everything but big furniture off the carpeted areas before they would replace it. So the contents of our apartment were loaded into the bathrooms and kitchen. But Thursday they came and put down new padding and carpet and we finished moving back in yesterday. So, I'd say that 4 days is not too shabby for a turnaround from that.
Amazingly, nothing we own was damaged. The water was just soaking into the carpet by all of our electronics and they didn't get wet. Our clothes were in the closet that didn't allow water to seep through. Just the carpets were ruined. None of our doors work because all the baseboards have swollen so much, but I've been fixing that with a wood rasp. The front door is metal though, so I think we just have to slam it from now on. And that is my exciting news. How have you been?
Costume Idea
Monday, October 27, 2008 6:06 pm
My brother sent out this picture to my whole family. He said that he and his wife weren't really dressing up as anybody in particular, they just both chose wigs they liked so they could wear them to a party. But when he sent out this picture, he said he was going as me for Halloween. Flattered and a little impressed. It's always nice to know what you're going to look like 5 years from now. I have to say tho, Krista doesn't look a thing like Daniel. I don't think I'm going to dress up this year, so I'll also be going as me. I'm not even sure that I'll be doing anything this year. I already missed the block party downtown.
But I celebrated in my own little way. I bought a pumpkin and roasted the seeds with a sprinkle of clove, ginger, nutmeg, and cinnamon. Delicious. Then I also bought two eating pumpkins (they're small and green) and I cut them up and roasted them. So delicious. While I was in Australia, we had pumpkin a few times and I grew to love it as more than a canned pie filling. So that was awesome even though I sliced a couple fingers open. Those fucking pumpkins were like rocks. I finally had to just cleaver them open.
But more important than Halloween, New Year's Eve is coming up and I want to do something fun outside of Dallas. I was really thinking like a cabin on the lake with a few friends and a keg. But I really couldn't find anywhere within driving distance that I would want to go. Does anybody have any ideas of something fun they've done in the area? Lemme know. Kthanks.
Sidesho the Clown
Saturday, October 18, 2008 11:20 am
Last weekend Daniel's old coworker was having a surprise birthday party. So we went over to her house around 8pm where her friends were setting up for a party. They'd gone all out with banners and streamers, plates of food, High School Musical novelty pom-poms ... I mean this party was NICE. And she came and we surprised her -- you shoulda seen her face, that's the best part -- and then we all just hung out and drank.
I was sitting on the porch when someone asked me if I could please try to blow up one of those long skinny balloons. Having played trumpet a decade ago, I have monstrously powerful lungs. So after nearly tearing my cheek skin, I got it blown up and tied off. Then I started twisting it around on itself pretending I knew what I was doing. What I ended up with was a big vagina with a penis penetrating it. Not exactly kid-friendly balloon art, but I was pretty pleased with myself. Considering it was the first balloon animal I had ever made, I didn't mind it being a beaver.
Later on we were standing in the kitchen and found the balloon pump that came with the balloons. So I blew another one up. And I looked at it. Thought about it for a second. And then one, two, three, twists later, I produced a giraffe much like the one pictured. All of Daniel's friends were like "what the hell." So Daniel told me that they all think I'm good at everything. Mostly because I pursue a host of interests, all with varying degrees of success. But I told Daniel that if they ever wanted to see me fail miserably at something, I would be happy to challenge any of them to a game of Horse on the basketball court. Because part of looking like you're good at everything is never being seen doing something you're horrible at. And that's my lesson to you for the day. If something is hard... quit. Peace, I'm out of here.
America! Fuck Yeah!
Thursday, August 28, 2008 7:26 am
I am home again. After another full day of travel I finally landed back in Dallas a whole 3 hours earlier than I was supposed to. As was the theme of the traveling this time, my original flight home was canceled by the time I was ready to get on it. I got to see Daniel and I gave him his new pants (underwear) and lounge pants (pajama pants) from Peter Alexander, a poncy (fancy) little underwear shop in downtown Sydney. He looks awful smart in them. And my brother was in town for his last day of a business conference, so he took me to Kenny's! What a welcome home!
During my last week in Sydney, Al and I had some fun adventures. First we both went to get our hair did. I love the chick that cut my hair. She went to town on it. Allison called it classic Aussie metro. Then she got her hair dyed back to her natural color and got a real sassy short do. She's traveling for the next 13 months through lots of countries that don't appreciate blondes to any degree, so this haircut should last her through it. After we got all dolled up, we went to Al's leaving do (party) at the Fire House Hotel (pub (bar)) in North Sydney. She has lots of wonderful friends. But it was weird how they want back and forth and around the table and every single one of them was like "Well, it's just like when I lived in the UK for 6 months prior to my year of traveling around southeast Asia." And another would chime in, "Oh yeah, when I lived in the Carribean, I spent a year touring before I got my residency in Australia." And I'm just like who are you transient people? All of them have been all over the world, lived all over the world, and I'm just like Addison! rules!
But it was a really fun party. Two of the girls were especially fun and they called Daniel early in the morning while he was at work and tried to convince him they were Kylie and Danni Minogue. Even tho the accents were pretty authentic, he didn't fall for it. Shucks.
My last day there we took a guided tour of the Hunter Valley (the Aussie Napa Valley). We went to like 5 or 6 different cellar doors and drank some very good wine. I ended up buying 4 bottles, I think, but we drank some before I left. I brought home 3 bottles and some aged goat cheese from some Hunter Valley goats. So ridiculously good. And the Shiraz is just ... huge. I can't even explain it. That was major fun. So we did that, picked up Noodle Star take away (to go) and ate it with the shiraz. And then the next day I left.
So here I am. I do not work until next Tuesday, nor do I intend to check my work email or answer my work phone until then. So if anybody wants to hang out and tan or something, let me know. It's summer again for me and I intend to take advantage this week. Laaaaaaaaate.
The dingo ate your baby!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008 7:22 pm
The first time that I experienced jet lag was in Sweden 3 years ago. No matter what I did, every night I would lay awake through the night staring at the ceiling wide awake. I wouldn't start to get tired until about 6am, which was right around when I had to get up and go to work. It was awful. No matter how tired I was or how much I attempted to exhaust myself -- either through exercise or booze, I couldn't sleep at night. It took a full week for me to adjust.
I'm experiencing it again. Only this time, the opposite. Every night here around 8pm, I get excessively tired. A few nights I've managed to stay up until 10 or 11, but not past that. A couple nights I've fallen asleep at like 8. I tried taking one of my sleeping pills to encourage me to sleep in a little bit thinking that would help. That night I slept 13 hours and stayed in bed until 10, but it didn't help. It's just so completely independent of how much sleep I'm getting. I'm just prone to this anomaly known as jet lag. I'm hoping it will clear up soon. I'm going to try a power nap today. Because we have going away parties to attend this weekend and it won't be very good if I'm sleeping in the corner.
But I've still had plenty of time during the day to do some really fun stuff. Yesterday we went to the zoo and saw kangaroos, wallabies, koalas and dingos. But maybe my favorite part wasn't the animals, but the expansive view of Sydney Harbor from across the water. It really is a beautiful city. After the zoo we took a ferry over to the opera house. It was pretty crazy to be standing on the steps touching this super iconic landmark. The whole white part of it is actually like regular sized white tiles. I had no idea. So Allison and I sat at the opera house bar, had a cocktail, and watched the sunset. It was so wonderful.
The best part about coming and staying with Allison is that I'm getting a good balance between touristy activities and the locals. One night we went to the grocery store and bought a bunch of ingredients to cook a traditional Paesta. It's actually something we made up on our car trip home from Jervis Bay, but we decided to make it a reality. I remember when my grandmother used to make us a paesta on the holidays. The best thing about a paesta, though, is how it brings together family and friends. It ended up being a terrifying blend of vegetables, pasta, bacon, chicken, heaps of ancho chili sauce, and a few spoonfuls of an Aussie blend of Ranch dressing. It's a good thing that everything goes with ranch. Despite the improvisational nature of the dish, it actually turned out pretty good. So good that Dom had 4 servings -- and nobody is THAT polite, so I think he really enjoyed it.
I think today we're going to take it easy. We are going to get some acupuncture done because neither one of us have ever done it and Daniel always tells me how amazing it is. Aw, the only thing that could make this trip better is if Daniel was here with me. I miss him. Anyway, we're resting up today because tomorrow we're going on a vineyard tour of the Hunter Valley. So it's going to be a helluva day and we want 24 hours of sobriety prior to that. Should be interesting.
2008 Sydney Games
Sunday, August 10, 2008 10:41 am
I'll probably curse the day I bought the PedEgg soon enough. Each night when I'm finished using it, I marvel at how soft my feet are. And then the next morning I think to myself, "I could just run it over them one more time to be sure." And wouldn't you know it? They get even softer. I can see somewhere in the near future of both soles of my feet being one massive abbrasion. But it's so worth it. Daniel won't let me use it on him because he claims his hard earned calloused feet are the reason he is able to wear uncomfortable shoes. But I just know I could take a good quarter of an inch off.
In other news, I went to visit my motorcycle accident havin' coworker at his house. He's home from the hospital. All the scary stuff about fluid in lungs and broken ribs is past him. His color has returned and he's in generally good spirits. He has a titanium rod in one leg and then he had two broken ankles, one of which was operated on and still has no feeling. But he just has two boots on and has to use a wheelchair to get around. So all in all, not too bad. I try to cheer him up with stories of own infirmary and give him hints on how to keep from getting bored. But he refuses to take pain medication of any kind, so my top 3 ideas were just shot to hell. I wish there was more I could do to help but it'll just take time.
Speaking of motorcycles, I took the Vespa in AGAIN. They're going to look at it AGAIN. This time they think they know what's wrong. They called Vespa and described the symptoms and they were quite sure this is the only bike in the world that has ever exhibited these characteristics. Yeeeaaahhh, custom baby. They said if I dropped it off before I went to Australia that they would have it fixed by the time I got home. I don't believe them, but it's worth a shot. So I took it to them on Saturday morning. Man, was it a beautiful morning to ride. I was sorry to drop it off.
And lastly, I'm going to Australia. OMG. It's coming to fast. Since I'm not very good at planning a trip in advance, I encourage you all to leave me a comment with something you think I should do while I'm there. So far all I've thought of is getting a picture of me in front of the Sydney Operahouse. So that's already covered. Also, any advice for how to survive a 14 hour flight would also be appreciated. Thaaaaaanks.
PedEgg
Tuesday, August 5, 2008 9:23 pm
Tonight I went to Bed, Bath & Beyond to buy a few things for my trip to Australia. The 14 hour flight is really starting to intimidate me. So I bought a Tempur-pedic neck pillow. I was going to buy a face mask, but I decided mine was probably good enough. And I bought a travel size of moisturizer because my hands always get so dry on a plane. Daniel was making fun of me that everything I was buying screamed old lady, so I kept saying, "Man I hope my mom likes all these gifts for her," as we walked around.
But you know me; I can't be in a store like that and not end up just wandering around looking for something to buy. And then I happened upon the as-seen-on-TV PedEgg. I've wanted to give one of these babies a test drive for a while. When we got home, I quickly assembled it and ran to the bathroom to try it out.
A little background story: Ever since my last knee surgery when I relearned how to walk, I've disproportionately distributed my weight onto my right foot. And it doesn't land exactly straight, so I developed this really thick callous on the inside of my right big toe. All the pumus stones and files of the world couldn't decrease it. Well, folks, I am ecstatic to announce that after a mere minute with the PedEgg, that rough, calloused skin is now soft and smooth. Same with my dry, cracked heels. They are completely healed! It's amazing! It completely works just as it is seen on TV, down to the parmesan cheese left inside to empty into the trash can -- vomit enducing. And you can just grate against your skin as hard as you want, and it only removes the thinnest layer of skin without any pain.
It's been a long time since I've purchased a product that worked this well. I think everyone should run out right now and buy a PedEgg. As an added bonus, when you're not using it on your feet, you can grate cheese with it. There. I helped you out!
BDay Replay
Monday, July 21, 2008 5:37 pm
It's been a while since I've updated. My apologies. I just returned from Las Vegas celebrating my brother Stephen's 30th birthday. It was a pretty big deal. The entire trip was kept a secret from him up until I took him and his wife to the airport. And then on top of that, it was another secret that me and my other brother, Michael, were on our way to the airport separately to meet and surprise him with our presence. It was pretty fun sneaking up behind him in the casino while he played video poker. After so many months of preparation, it was such a relief for the big reveal.
So we spent two days gambling, drinking, laying out by the pool, having some very fine high dollar meals, and seeing the Beatles LOVE show. Highly recommend. Also highly recommend Planet Hollywood. It's recently been redone and it is so nice. Nicer than the Bellagio, in my humble opinion. Crazy times.
His birthday was a little bigger deal than mine. I tried to keep the invite casual (I wanted to type "cas" as in short for "casual" there but I'm not sure how to spell it). I didn't even have a place for people to RSVP because I didn't want to get excited that anyone was coming. Daniel was kind of annoyed with me as we got ready to go out to the bar because he was hurrying me along and I was saying what's the point, no one's coming. He was like you always get this way on your birthday. So we got there, and DJ iMernex had reserved us a table. And then we sat. And sat. And sat. And no one came. Daniel was frantically texting people trying to get them to come to no avail. Finally before I called it quits I texted Keiff cause he had said he would try to make it after moving all day and he was on his way over. So hurray! Saved the day. Then we blew that hot dog stand and invited Lindsey over like we should have all along. Lesson learned. Next year, no party ... he said again.
My Harley riding coworker got in a really bad motorcycle accident this weekend. He has two broken ankles, a broken femur, broken ribs, and road rash. I think I need to go get some safety gear before I ride anymore. I'm paranoid now. Not that I wasn't before, but you get the point.
So good times, not much to report from the real world. Gearing up for Australia, dreading the 14 hour flight. But definitely excited. I'll keep you posted.
Shish-Ka-Boom
Saturday, July 5, 2008 4:06 pm
Our annual 3rd of July KaboomTown extravaganza, this year called Shish-Ka-Boom, was a huge success. I got off work pretty early and hit the grocery store on the way home. I picked up some beef shish-ka-bobs that were already skewered with vegetables. So much easier than trying to figure out the process on my own. And as an added bonus, the bargain expired meat bin is never without a few shish-ka-bobs, so a couple packages of them were half off -- just because they'd turned grey!
Then for dessert, I bought a huge thing of strawberries and a Sara Lee pound cake. I cut the strawberries in half and cut the cake into little cubes. Then I put them on bamboo skewers. I whipped some fresh cream with sugar and vanilla. And made a chocolate ganache out of Giardelli chocolate chips, two shots of real espresso, a teaspoon and a half of vanilla, and a little bit of fresh cream. I sprinkled the plate of dessert shish-ka-booms with a few random blueberries just so it would be red, white and blue. It was so delicious. I really think Ina might have approved of this spread.
Then we all watched the spectacular fireworks and got drunk. Not a single fight this year! So proud of all of our friends. Now tonight its time to switch modes to birthday celebration. My birthday is tomorrow so I arranged a little get together at a bar here in Addison. I purposely didn't put and RSVP thing on it because I'd rather just go out there with Daniel and drink a few beers and see who shows up. I didn't want to get a bunch of positive RSVPs and then be left at the bar alone crying. Set the bar low and be pleasantly surprised if it rocks. That's my new mantra.
So anyway, if you want to come, give me a ring and I'll disclose the secret location.
Hiphopopotamus
Tuesday, June 17, 2008 10:17 pm
I had a couple of firsts today. I've been riding the Vespa to work every day. I'm currently averaging 85 miles per gallon and I went an entire week without driving my car once. I'm over the learning curve hump and am actually starting to relax a little bit on my hog and enjoy the open air. I'm still cautious, though, because I check the weather every morning before I ride to make sure it isn't going to rain. Today's forecast said a 30% chance of rain, so off I went putting down the street. By lunch time the sky was starting to darken, so I ran out the door, hopped on my scooter and sped off as fast as I could toward home. My plan was to get home and drive my car right back.
I made it as far as Midway before the sky all around me turned black. Gale force winds blew leaves high in the air in swirling patterns and threw me from my balance a few times. I was already going slow, but I kept having to slam on the brakes and put my feet down. Not just to catch my balance but to then brace myself against the blast. It was so scary. And yet for some reason I was laughing and enjoying myself. When it finally started to rain, I pulled into the first parking lot I came to and ran inside. It was a delightful office furniture store with a very friendly staff. They advised me to park under the alcove of the front door so my scooter wouldn't blow over. One tree fell on a guy's car when I was there. It was an insane storm that only lasted about 30 minutes. But we all were like away from the windows and fearing the worst. When it cleared a bit I ran the gauntlet back home and all was well.
But it was the first time I've ridden my Vespa in a tornado. And hopefully the last.
My next first was when I got home from work. I decided to go by myself to a hip-hop dance class. My gym offers a different class every night and they're all free. So I've decided to attend them all. I have kick boxing on Thursday. Hip-hop dance was pretty fun. It was basically an instructor trying to teach me and 3 fat women how to do a dance routine. Only we were all terrible so it easily filled the entire hour. I wasn't too too bad, even though the kick-ball-change took me a while to get down. I'm definitely not a hip-hop dancer by trade. It doesn't lend itself well to my clear-a-one-arm-radius-in-front-of-the-mirror dance style. Even so, I still warned Daniel that when I got home, he was getting served.
She said next week we should bring a friend because we're going to be battling. Who's in?
Uno mas cerveza, por favor, seniorita
Sunday, June 8, 2008 11:38 am
I just got back from a week in San Antonio. I was there to take a training class for work. It was from 8-5 every day in the hotel I was staying at next to the airport. Needless to say I was bored out of my gourd. I took this picture as I was checking out of my hotel room because I thought it rather succinctly summed up my entire trip. People in my training course were kind of laughing at me because I was eating each night at places like Papadeaux's and Applebee's. They thought I should get out and experience the local fare. But I was just like, c'mon, I'm from Dallas. It's not like San Antonio is a foreign country. If I managed to find something uniquely San Antonio it would just be a hole-in-the-wall Mexican place with meat, cheese, and tortillas combined in a variety of ways. So I opted to eat at places I liked, albethem chain restaurants, because it was free. And that made it special.
So I made it through the week with little incident. Last night Daniel and I went with JennyCole to see the new Sex and the City movie. It was fantastic. If you haven't seen it yet, you definitely should. We went to the Studio Movie Grill to watch it so we could get loaded at the same time. But ultimately, the same thing happened to me that always happens there. I end up having to pee so bad by the time the movie's over that I have a hard time sitting still. But I made it through. There was one thing about the movie that pissed me off. And it's not a spoiler, but if you don't want to know anything about the movie don't read this next part. So Charlotte adopted that little Chinese girl, right? And what did she name her? Lily. How many times have I said that I'm adopting a little Asian girl and naming her Lily because I want violin music while I eat? But I also always said that if I had another little girl, I would name her Rose. Not so much because of the obvious floral reference, but because I like the really old-timey names. Okay, so Charlottle has a baby and they name it Rose. So now if I ever by some fluke of nature have two daughters, and name them Lily and Rose, people will be like, oh yeah from Sex and the City. And that will piss me off. So I'm having my tubes tied.
In other news, the Allistralian came back to the states for a visit. She is leaving Australia soon and convinced me that it's now or never if I want to go visit her. So Daniel and I are going to Australia. For REAL this time. No joke. It'll probably be somewhere in the August range. It's gonna be a pretty baller ass vacation, but that's okay because those are the kinds of vacations we need to be taking. I'll keep you all posted on details of that. If anyone would like to go with, the more people we have the easier that 12 hour flight will be. Lemme know. Peace out.
Windy days on winding roads
Thursday, April 17, 2008 7:54 pm
I successfully rode the Vespa to work this week. It was a little unnerving at first, but once I got going, it was pretty comfortable. It did highlight the fact that I need to buy some gloves. 50 degrees doesn't sound cold until you're moving through it at 45mph. My hands hurt by the time I got to work. But I did it. On the way home it was so windy that I had a hard time balancing, so I found an alternate route home that took me entirely through residential streets. It took nearly 45 minutes, but it was way preferrable to braving the high winds on a major thoroughfare. I only did it one day because there has been questionable weather and high winds predicted every day this week, but I think it could become my main transportation throughout the summer months.
Daniel has been in Atlanta all week. Sunday was his birthday and he had to fly out for some training for his new job. Unfortunately, by the time his flight landed he was sick. He's had to miss out on most of the activities and just lie in bed. Being in a different city for work is bad enough. Not being able to drink must make it near unbearable. He comes home tomorrow though, which I'm pretty excited about. TV isn't any fun to watch when no one is there to hear your snide remarks.
Speaking of TV, I made another as-seen-on-TV purchase! Stephen's daughter's birthday is coming up in July and he said she would really like the Roll 'n Grow. The commercial shows a green foam pad that you roll out, water, and then an insane amount of flowers bloom from it. I hate to disappoint her this early in life by her finding out that not everything works like they show in the commercials, but I also hate to disappoint myself by not buying it for her. So I had to get it. She'll be excited to open it I'm sure. And as with every stupid purchase I make -- who knows? -- maybe it does work. We got on the topic because 20/20 did a big scientific study of Kinoki Pads. The bastards must have been reading my blog and stealing ideas. They couldn't get the company to produce any lab results to back up their claims. But I think the most telling demonstration was when they put distilled water on the pads and they turned brown. No labs could find any traces of toxins or heavy metals or whatever else they claim. Too bad, I was really hoping this would be a cure all for the human race. I guess the hunt is still on.
So I need another suggestion for TV purchases. The AeroGarden that Thommi suggested it a wonderful idea. It's a little expensive for an impulse buy, but then again, my birthday is just around the corner and I do love getting myself a little something special.
I need to go clean the apartment. As I guessed would happen, my intentions to keep the apartment pristine while Daniel was away failed miserably and now I have to make up for it within the next few hours. Late.
A better advertisement for Kinoki Pads
Sunday, March 16, 2008 6:21 pm
Last night I tried my Kinoki Foot Pads for the first time. After a night of significant drinking, I decided their first test would be to draw my hangover out of my body while I slept so I would awake feeling refreshed. Daniel tried a pair too. An hour before bed we washed our feet in the bathtub and even ran a pumice stone on our soles to try and open up a path for toxins.
You open the pad, apply it to this big adhesive sheet and then stick the whole thing on the bottoms of your feet. We decided to put socks on over the pads so they wouldn't come off and that ended up being a good decision because they kind of leak. I immediately felt something. I'll grant you that I was drunk, but there was a tingling sensation. So I was gaining confidence that maybe they didn't do nothing. In the morning, my socks were a little bit brown from the Kinoki juice that leaked out. I wouldn't call it a confirmation, but I didn't feel as bad as I thought I would. I should have had a regular sized hangover, but it was less. So much so that I went to the grocery store and cooked us a really big breakfast of pancetta and fontina cheese omlette croissant sandwiches. You don't make up recipes that unless you've been revitalized in mind and body.
I have to say, though, that the biggest testimony to their effectiveness is that Daniel got up at 10:30 in the morning. A mere 8 hours after we had gone to bed. This is, like, at least 4 hours earlier than usual. I think they might work. The test will be to see if they get lighter and lighter as I use them. You can only use them every other night, so it will take me a while to get through the 5 remaining pairs of pads. But I'm hopeful.
Probably the most disturbing thing about these pads is their smell. They are brown and liquidy and leaking and make your feet tingle. But then you take them off in the morning and there is the overwhelming smell of barbeque sauce. The fact that they look like barbeque sauce only stands to reinforce this olfactory conclusion. I threw my pads away but I am curious to compare the ingredient list against that of some A-1 and see how much they have in common. In the meantime, though, like I sometimes do, I decided to lend my advertising genius to Kinoki for free and put together this brand new marketing graphic for them.
Stand by for my final verdict, but I'm seriously undecided at the moment. Peace.
Febrehabruariv Day 9: Master Cleanse Day 1
Saturday, February 9, 2008 11:36 pm
I. am. so. hungry. But I made it through the day. Supposedly the hunger fades by day three and then it's smooth sailing. You would think it would be torturous, but I find that smelling food actually helps. I cut up some garlic for Daniel's guacamole earlier and the smell of raw garlic on my hands almost makes it as though I'd eaten it. I wonder how tomorrow will be. I've definitely gone a day without eating in my lifetime -- though admittedly, not since college -- but I don't think I've ever gone two days.
The laxative tea was not really a laxative. I noticed nothing out of the ordinary when I woke up in the morning. I didn't even need to go to the bathroom. But that lasted only until I drank the saltwater flush. You mix two teaspoons of salt into a quart of water. It's kind of like a salt flavored big gulp. And it was hard as hell to drink. And it went through me faster than a Coors Light ever has. But after that brief morning episode, the rest of my day was normal, gastrointestinally speaking at least. I was a smidge light headed in the late afternoon but some lemonade helped. If it wasn't for the cayenne pepper, the lemonade would be just plain delicious. But that heat the pepper provides is so out of place. I would omit it altogether but I promised to follow the rules to the letter. I'm a lot more confident about being able to pull this off while at work all day. I was afraid I would be chained to the toilet.
Other than being hungry this is pretty easy. But even the hunger subsides after a glass of lemonade. It's going to be so nice not to worry about food for a couple of weeks, but looking ahead on the calendar and realizing how long I've committed to this for... phew. It's daunting. I will say that much. But there's really nothing I can do about it now, other than hunker down and reserve calories. My daily weight chart is already showing a downward trend and I can only imagine it will continue. I'll post results at the end. Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.
Febrehabruariv Day 1: Piece of cake
Friday, February 1, 2008 11:38 pm
24 hours down, 672 more to go. Today was a breeze, mostly because I'm hardly the hard living party monster I used to be. I had a slight hangover after our anniversary dinner at Kenny's. A few tequila cocktails, a couple martinis, and half a bottle of wine rightfully should have KO'ed me for the day but I felt strangely good. Eating vegan was relatively easy since I had stuff on hand. Ever since last year, I've kept up eating vegan dishes -- just not exclusively. I really think this first week will be a breeze. Then the cleanse starts.
In other news, what the fuck is up with Dannon? Yes, Dannon, the yogurt company. Daniel first pointed it out to me a while ago but it's just gotten worse. They keep making shit up that sounds like Harry Potter spells. They might as well hire him as their spokesperson. I can just imagine some old black lady doubled over and a spritely little British kid busts in and yells, "Bifidus Regularis!"
Or the new one I just heard tonight. Some fat bitch has irritable bowel syndrome until Hermione screams, "L. casei Immunitas!" Remember when Aaron wouldn't stop talking about his irritable bowel syndrome? g*d, that was so gross.
Anyway, Dannon is so making this shit up. It doesn't even sound scientific, which is really the hallmark of a good invented term. Take "glycemic index" for example. I'm not saying anything about the yogurt one way or the other. I just think their marketing department is probably a bunch of douches. Peace out.
Wiitard
Sunday, January 13, 2008 10:16 am
I make some of my best decisions after a few drinks. You wouldn't have to look any further than my set of Ronco knives to know that. But I have another example now. A 37" flatscreen LCD! I had a little money to spend from xristmas and I was debating between a dining room table with all the necessary accoutrements or a TV and a Wii. At a post-new-years finish-the-keg party, RyanShort and Daniel collectively convinced me that a TV was the way to go. So at 3 in the morning, we jetted off to Wal-Mart to get one. The first store didn't have the one we wanted so we went to another and stopped at Whataburger on the way. I haven't done that in forever. Their taquitos are as good as ever, so that made me glad. And we got the TV, bungee corded the trunk closed and brought it home and set it up at 4 in the morning. It's a Vizio and it has a really good picture, we just don't have any HD signals to feed to it. But Planet Earth look pretty spectacular.
Then we set off to find a Wii. Turns out, that's impossible. Well, impossible for someone with a life. I could spend my days calling stores, figuring out delivery schedules, and standing there waiting for a Wii to come in. Unfortunately, I am employed. So I call a few stores each weekend and they laugh at me. Just as well though, I accidentally overdrafted my account the other day. Not entirely because I'm broke but also because of an accounting error on my part. Nonetheless, it opened my eyes to the fact that I've been spending rampantly for months and have to stop. So I decided no Wii until I'm debt frii. Realistically with Febrehabruariv right around the corner, I can't imagine that won't be March. And we likely won't find one then either. But if anyone has a Wii they're willing to see at face value, let me know. I might take it off your hands in a little bit.
And finally, Febrehabruariv, the first leap year, I am looking so forward to it. Giving up food this year for the middle two weeks. The surrounding weeks, I'll be weaning off and then slowly acclimating back to food. Creech said he was shipping me the book on how to properly do the Master Cleanse, so I'm looking forward to reading that. I'm going to follow it to the letter, no matter what. If I'm in the hospital for malnourishment, I'll be pushing the IVs away. I'll definitely keep everyone posted on that, because it could either be torture, or another inadvertent success. Either way I can't wait. Peace.
A note to resolutioners everywhere
Saturday, January 5, 2008 12:31 pm
Happy New Year! I hope this post finds you all enjoying what's passed of 2008. I had a wonderful time here at home with a few friends. Daniel went and bought ridiculous amounts of streamers and balloons and we strung them up everywhere. At midnight we tore it all down and stomped on the balloons like crazy people. Then we drank lots of champagne and I went to bed fearing the ensuing hangover. But I lived to tell the tale, so I guess we can call that a win.
We also made it to the gym again this week. I was afraid that after the holidays and a real spotty workout regimen that I wouldn't be able to lift anything but I ended up adding 20 lbs to my bench press, so that was good. It was hard to get anything done though because of the dreaded influx of resolutioners. People that have never worked out a day in their life, but always decide that January 1st will be the magic switch they flip and get hot. They're easy to spot. They walk around aimlessly randomly working every muscle group. They have on BRAND new sneakers and matchy matchy track suits. They spend LOTS of time stretching only to get on a treadmill for 3 minutes before wandering off to something else. It really is annoying. So I just wanted to tell all of you resolutioners...
Give up now.
You're going to by March anyway, so why make the rest of us suffer for 2 months out of every year? If you find the gym to be an intimidating place that's because people that regularly inhabit it are making you feel unwelcome. We want you to leave so we can get back to our year-round routine. Now I'm not saying that I don't want resolutioners to exist. I just don't want them at the gym. Continue to go out and sign up for the 3 year membership because your dues help pay for nice things for the rest of us to use. Just don't come and hog the sauna.
So that's my public service announcement. If you're really concerned with getting in shape, then spend January and February getting your diet in line and walking around the block. That way you'll be ready in March to add in weight training and cardio and the gym won't be nearly as crowded as it is when you go once a year in January.
Tales from Las Vegas,
Sunday, December 23, 2007 2:54 am
Las Vegas was a blast, just like I knew it would be. Daniel knew that we were staying at the Bellagio for his graduation gift, but what he didn't know is that we had a deluxe lakeview suite on the corner and that chocolate covered strawberries and champagne were waiting for us when we got there. So that was a fun arrival. We looked out our windows and played with the electric drapes for a while before hitting the town. We mostly played Wheel of Fortune and Monte Carlo slot machines -- the two most popular ones with bonus spins possible. Neither of us lost as much money as we had planned on losing, so in that regard, we won. One night I even drank until I was wasted and the casino paid me $10 dollars to do it. If that isn't winning big, I don't know what is.
So that was our strategy. To try to drink all night and pay less than what we would have paid at the bar. Since a beer was anywhere from $6 to $8 at most bars, that really wasn't hard to do. Here's a couple helpful hints for any of you heading over to the desert. The first time the waitress comes around, tip her something good. $5 should do it, $10 if you're looking to get wasted. Then they'll take care of you by replacing every empty bottle with a full one. You might have to fuel the fire every few rounds with a few ones, just to keep her thinking she might get more money out of you once you get drunk. The other key factor is to make your money last a long time at the slot. The only effective way to do this is to not play. We would put money in, pull it once, light a cigarette, smoke the entire thing, talk to the waitress and the people next to us, finish a round, use the bathroom ... and then pull it again. Of course, naturally, you're going to get faster and faster as drink goes on, but that's where teamwork comes in and your partner should tell you to stop. We usually took turns, so one of us could slow the other down if we were getting low on our beer to gambling ratio.
One night Daniel took me out to a fancy dinner at Le Cirque. That's French for The Cirque. It's in the Bellagio and it's probably the nicest restaurant I've ever been to. Only 16 tables in a small room swaddled in tapestries and rich mohogany, and a view of the fountains. Tres chic. I had the rabbit symphony. A plate with a bunch of different preparations of rabbit. I am the worst vegan ever. The fun part was that when you walked in there was a huge terrarium with all the rabbits in it and I got to pick the one I wanted. (No, not really, but isn't it weird that it's acceptable to do with lobsters but the thought of doing it with bunnies is kind of offensive?) I was completely stuffed after a seafood medley, rabbit symphony, and a mango sorbet with coconut foam extravaganza for desert. It was an incredible meal, I highly recommend. Especially if you can get someone else to pay for you.
We also saw Blue Man Group, which was incredible. The first hour or so was just them staring wide eyed at each other and audience members while people laughed uncomfortably. Could have done without that. But the last 45 minutes were so badass that it totally made up for it. I would also highly recommend Blue Man Group. I'd tell you more, but I don't want to spoil it. If you're really curious, I'll tell you about it in person.
Our flight home was canceled and our new flight was about 6 hours later (during which I won $80, so not all bad) and then that flight was delayed about an hour. So getting home was a bit arduous. Especially since we were both ready to come home. Vegas is magickal and riotously fun, but I wouldn't recommend any more than 3 nights at a time. It gets tiresome of everyone you meet doing whatever they can to get their hands on your money. But we finally arrived home with little incident and promptly laid on the couch. And that concludes story time.
I've spent the past couple of days at my parents' house playing Wii and opening presents. I got a navigation system and an Art of Shaving kit and a mango slicer. Not a bad haul. I gave Daniel the T-qualizer shirt and he gave me Planet Earth, the entire season, AS narrated by Sigourney Weaver, the true version. I have some more to open on xristmas with Daniel's family so more on that after this. Peace.
Date Night
Thursday, December 6, 2007 9:42 pm
I always tease Daniel about date night because the entire concept is so ridiculous and reserved only for married couples in strained relationships who really don't like being around each other, but once a week go out together and get sauced up enough to copulate. So any time we go out to dinner or a movie I like to scream, "Date night!" But in all seriousness, tonight we had a date night. Dinner for two at Halfshells in Plano. We got a crab and shrimp and andoiulle sausage platter and a couple beers. Then we went to see August Rush. Srsly, go see it. Read my review to the right for more on that. It was just perfect. We should really try to do this once a week.
One more week and I'll be Vegas bound. I can't wait. Daniel really can't wait. The Vegas trip is to celebrate his graduation, which will also occur in one week. He's already finished with several of his classes and I just couldn't be more proud of him. He's kind of a big deal. It's going to be a hectic week for me and then I have like 10 days in a row away from work, and you'd better believe me, I'm going to forget alllll about it.
One last thing about August Rush and then I'm done. I really want my brother to go see it because on those late nights when we were up recording Brother Band songs, and he would man the guitar, he always played it like August does. Two hands on the neck of the guitar ... bangin' ... making beautiful music. Only his was a fraction of a second long and had to be looped in order to sound cool. But still, same effect. I'm heading off to lay on the couch some more, my home in my home. Czech you skillets on the flip side.
It’s beginning to look a lot like xristmas
Sunday, November 25, 2007 9:47 pm
Cider verdict: delicious. It's like a pear flavored apple wine. It's only mildly alcoholic but that works out alright because I like to drink lots and lots of it at a time. Bottling it was such a chore. The first day that it was freezing outside, I found myself sanitizing bottles in big tubs of water and rinsing them with a hose. I was wet and my hands were so cold that it was hard to work. We hooked it up to a big canister of compressed CO2 and attempted to force carbonation. It only worked slightly. Next time I'm going to give it like 4 days of carbonation instead of 20 minutes so it'll truly sparkle. But anyway, for a first try this is fantastic. I got three big crates of big bottles full, so I haven't rationed it at all. It's probably a third gone. Mmm, just talking about it is making me want a big glass of it.
Daniel and I got our first xristmas tree together the day after Thanksgiving. It's as tall as it could be in our apartment and flocked. Flocked, I learned, is what you call the trees that have been sprayed with white shit to make it look like snow. Then we wrapped it in blue LED lights and some color changing globes and a bunch of ornaments. I think it's really pretty. So pretty that I want to take a picture of it and post it on my website, but I'm too lazy. I'll do it later along with the pictures from Halloween.
Thanksgiving was good. We spent it at Daniel's parents' house. Grilled turkey and stuffing made with sausage and oysters. Delish. Then there was some tofu, natch, and a few other sides. I've never had a grilled turkey but it was fantastic. I want to try that some time. Grilling has never been my forte and I'm always intimidated to try it out in the courtyard, but maybe that should be a new years resolution for me.
Speaking of new years resolutions -- do me a favor and don't resolve to work out in the new year. If you haven't been doing it already, starting in January is the worst thing you can possibly do. Because every lard ass in the world starts going in January clogging up all the gym equipment for a good month or two before finally giving up like we all knew they were going to do from the beginning. So save yourself, and me, the trouble. You're welcome. This post sucked.
Humidity Now
Sunday, November 18, 2007 11:00 am
A while ago I read an article about residential humidity control... because I work in an environment where not only are articles about residential humidity control sitting around, but I find them interesting. It really is the most overlooked and underestimated aspect of home climate control. Someday I hope to have central whole home humidity control. Until that becomes possible, I went and got myself a humidifier.
When I say humidifier you're probably thinking the same thing Daniel thought when I told him I was bringing one home. Picture the little bowl shaped plastic device with the spout out the top from which obscene amounts of steam billow out until the wall paper peels from the wall. But this is totally different. It's a cool humidifier, meaning it does not use heat to vaporize the water. It uses a honeycomb filter that sucks up water as air blows across it causing the water to evaporate into vapor. It has an adjustable set point for relative humidities between 35% and 55% so it cycles on an off as needed. And, best of all, it looks cool.
The fan has pretty much been running 24/7 since we turned it on. I was trying to figure out how it could possibly be putting at least 3 gallons of water into the air every day and yet never reach set point. But I think I figured it out. The other day the humidity outside was at 20%. That is so low. When it gets cold outside, I like nothing more than a 30 minute long scalding hot shower to warm up. That combined with humidity hovering around nothing dries my skin out so bad. Winter is typically pretty uncomfortable for me.
And now, the point of the story. I haven't had any problems with dry skin this year. And I don't wake up with severe dry mouth either. I think everyone should go out and get themselves a humidifier this winter and you can thank me in the spring.
MMMBop
Saturday, October 6, 2007 4:10 pm
On Tuesday night, Daniel, Lindsey, Lauren, Hunter and I all went to see Hanson at the House of Blues. Lindsey and Lauren were the kind of mall rat uberfans that made MMMBop a hit. I would claim that status except they were 9 when the song came out and I was in high school. Nonetheless, this was, in fact, my second Hanson concert because I went to see them once with Ashlee in high school. The show was incredible, of course. All of them are very accomplished musicians. They each took a turn on guitar, did some acoustic, and some acapella. Definitely worth seeing.
They also encouraged everyone to buy a pair of Tom's shoes. I looked them up on the internet and it seemed like a good enough cause that I would mention it here. If you go to tomsshoes.com you can read up on it for yourself, but the short story is that every pair of shoes you buy, they donate a pair to a kid in Africa. Now normally I don't fuck with Africa cause people there are starvin' and that ain't baller, but these shoes are also kind of cool. I think I'm going to order the pair of gray and black striped ones. Lindsey said that if you order a pair before Hanson's Walk Tour is over, you can just put "hanson" in the shipping info and it's free, or something like that. And the tour should be one for a while longer.
It's been pushed back a little bit because apparently Isaac Hanson had some kind of heart trouble immediately following the show and they rushed him to Baylor Medical for emergency surgery. I guess he's okay but it meant that they had to stay here a few extra days and cancel their Tulsa show. Lindsey wanted to go outside the hospital with posterboard and glow sticks and scream (and probably did, we haven't heard from her in a while) but ultimately we decided that might be in poor taste.
So, okay, buy some shoes, they're cool and it's nice and remember: Ahfon oopinda bee ting chesch ahfon oopinda ayesconsee.
Checkmate
Monday, October 1, 2007 5:52 pm
The Dow closed today at a record high. I know that because I am a stock holder. I earned $3 today. And I didn't do anything. I am only in for $200 at this point, but already I'm up to $206 total. I love this. I want to put more money into the stock market but I have priorities first. My year long struggle to save up six months worth of expenses was set back a tad by the Vegas trip in December I just paid for. But it's still within reach. I have a new plan to spend only $100 a week (excluding recurring bills) for the next two months. If I can do that, then I can truly reap the benefit of the extra paycheck in November and I could potentially stash like 5 grand. That's only if I stay absolutely disciplined, which has never happened before. But there's a first time for everything.
Daniel's Windows Vista laptop has chess as one of the games on it. I put it at the easiest level 1 beginner setting and it consistently has whooped my ass. Like not even close. I am dedicated though. I keep playing it over and over again and I will continue to do so until I can beat the beginner level. I'm starting to get a little bit better. Like I can tell how or why they destroyed me as opposed to when I first started and was basically playing checkers against a computer playing chess. I think a few months of practice and I could really get good. Of course if I had any idea what was going on, or a friend who knew (wink, wink) I could accelerate that learning curve a little bit. Let me know if you're a grand dragon, or whatever they call it when you're really good at chess.
I was really hoping for more comments on my finished bar, but finally decided I couldn't milk it any longer. It's been pretty fun having it. The beer fridge is installed, fit perfectly, and keeps my brewskis frigid. Of course now I think it's a hassle to get up and walk 3 steps to get another beer so I might have to rig up some sort of couch delivery system next. I'll keep you posted on that.
Entres vous
Saturday, August 18, 2007 12:42 pm
This is our new entry way. I painted it while Daniel was in New York.
Do you like it?
What's up with these new Total Gym commercials? I was thinking about buying one until this mustachioed gentleman thought he could fool everybody. But I will tell you what is. No fucking way am I buying a Total Gym from Chuck Norris' evil twin brother. Period.
Astoria Time
Thursday, August 16, 2007 10:42 pm
I am so bad at updating these days. If I have any Sidesho-Viewers left, I want to apologize to all of you for my absence. It's not that I don't want to update, it's just that 9 times out of 10, I'm fresh out of ideas. I hate it when I get too many narrative blogs in a row. It seems rather self indulgent to think you care what I'm doing without having something funny to say. Speaking of self indulging...
We have a new hangout here in Addison! Circle. It's called Astoria and it is our new favorite place. The owners could not be nicer. We had a long term goal of getting to know them on a first name basis so we would feel at home there. They greatly accelerated our schedule into the first night we were there. They couldn't be nicer. Tonight it started raining on us, so they brought us inside, set up a smoking section, and brought us lots of fresh menu ideas for us to try and give feedback on. We really want them to be hugely successful, so the next time you come to visit, let's go have a coffee or a drink or something to eat.
They also have flat screen TVs around with DVD players. So they encouraged us to bring in a movie, have some friends, they'll set up a viewing area for us, serve us drinks and watch the movie. Sounds like too much fun. We want to try that asap. We ran into our favorite Addison! celebrities tonight and they told the owners that I was an amazing guitar player. In reality, they were just amazingly drunk the night I played for them. Drunk ... and huge John Denver fans. So you know I blew their socks off. The owners want to try to get an open mic type thing going on there so they asked if I would ever be interested in starting things off. One of my biggest goals in life, back when I was young and stupid and had goals, was to play an open mic night before my 18th birthday. I missed that mark by a good 8 years, but I could make amends with my younger self by doing it at Astoria. I only know a handful of songs, but it would be fun to go play them in a corner. Someone might listen, but probably not, and that would rock. I really hope I go through with it.
I have made good progress on the bar. It is now grouted and sealed and looks amazing. All that's left to do is put some drawer fronts and cabinet doors, stain them, and then paint the back wall. Oh, and line the drawers with foam and velvet. And then we are open for business. Realistically, we're probably looking at a cold weather unveiling, but you know for a fact that I'll be keeping you updated.
A few new projects on the horizon. The first is a dress for Lindsey that I've been promising ever since I finished Katie's dress back in April. Daniel was just in New York for 5 days and found time to steal over to Mood, our favorite Project Runway endorsed fabric store. He got me a beautiful black and white silk print (I can't sew silk) and some black silk to go with the sketches I came up with. If I can pull this off, it just might be an attractive garment.
I was also in Barneys last weekend and found a fur lined hoodie. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I can't remember the last time I was this excited about an article of clothing. But, needless to say, I was not $675 excited. So Daniel also picked up some faux chinchilla fur from Mood and I'm going to line my own hoodie. I also intend to run headphones up into the hood that will hook into an iPod that will rest in a custom iPod pocket. And I want all of the pockets to have magnets in them so they will stay shut. It's going to be rad. I want to start that first, but Lindsey wants her dress. Hopefully they'll be enough time to do them simultaneously. I need this hoodie yesterday... but I suppose I can wait until it isn't 100.
Much love to everyone getting hit by tropical storms and hurricanes right now. Hope your houses aren't flooding, or if they are, that you have good insurance. Cha ching. Later sluts.
Drop your drawers
Wednesday, July 18, 2007 8:32 pm
Fourth of July was good. Had a few people over, drank some beers. Birthday was good. Had a few people over, drank some beers. My brother, Stephen, even dropped in for a little bit, which was a special surprise ... kind of ... I mean, it was really special, but only kind of a surprise. Taking a week off was a really good idea. I wish I could do it again, but alas, I need mo money.
I'm taking this opportunity to update because I wore out 3 of the DeWalt batteries on my handheld drill. I've been a busy little boy this evening. Every time I make progress on the bar, I go into work and discuss it with my coworker/coach. He's the one that lent me all the power tools. He was disappointed that I'd gone through the whole weekend without making any progress. His only rule is that I make progress every week. So I couldn't let him down. I went and spent another 60 bucks at Home Depot and brought home some 1x6s, some 2x4s, and some drawer mounts. I am now the proud owner of 1.95 finished drawers. They are not half bad, if I do say so myself. A little wonky, but that's to be expected when you're doing construction with all hand tools. I got one all the way done but as I was screwing the bottom onto the second drawer my third battery went dead. I just have to chill out for about an hour and two of them will be full speed again. The drawers are damn huge. You know how I am -- larger than life and out of control. So these are 18" wide, 21" long, and 6" deep. We don't intend on using the drawers for anything, I only made them to fill some of the gap between the fridge and the bar. But if we ever do use them, we could store like quilts and stuff in them. Boom!
I guess I'll go eat some dinner while I'm waiting for a recharge. I hope Daniel is impressed with my progress ... and doesn't mind vacuuming up large amounts of sawdust. Later skaters.
Construction Man
Sunday, June 10, 2007 11:12 am
I started work on the bar this weekend. I think I'm going to extend my original construction schedule from two years to three. I went and bought a couple 8' sections of 2x2 pieces of wood (although I was already confused since the actual dimensions seemed like 1x1 to me). I managed to cut it to length using this big, mean looking power saw that my coworker lent to me. And I managed to get it up against the wall, level it out, and drill a pilot hole through it. I even got a screw into the wall to hold it up. I was feeling pretty good about myself. Until I started drilling a second hole and managed to rip the whole thing down. Apparently the screws I got were only long enough to go through the wood and about halfway through the drywall. So I guess I need longer screws.
I also got this stupid stud finder that beeps in different places and is indicating to me that the studs are about a half inch thick and spaced randomly anywhere from 6" to 12" apart. My little instruction booklet suggests that studs are always 1.5" thick and spaced 16" or 24". So I'm confused and worried that I'm going to drill through an electrical wire or a pipe or something. So I put everything back in the closet and shut the doors. I'll worry about it some other time. But seriously, does anybody know anything about this that could help me?
I would resume work next weekend, but I'll be in beautiful Playa del Carmen, Mex-i-co. My whole family is taking a five day all inclusive trip together. It should be really fun taking all the nieces and nephews to the beach. We only have two confirmed cases of serious distaste for sand ... and one that allegedly really likes the taste of sand. So it should keep us all moderately sober for some of the time. Too bad my base tan is hovering somewhere around eggshell right now, so I'm going to be employing some serious SPF the whole time.
The rest of this weekend was punctuated by drinking and downloading the entire Ace of Base album and dancing and laughing at Daniel for knowing every single word to every single song. I have this theory that everyone on earth likes Ace of Base. There are only varying degrees of how much you admit it. But you know and I know that when you're alone in your car and "The Sign" comes on, you be rockin and singing along. Wouldn't it just feel better to admit it?
I just went and looked at the gym here in Addison! Circle. It looks pretty nice and has the free weights I've been missing. I think I'm going to join but I have to see what Daniel thinks about it first. I might sign up anyway and just go there on days when he is in class late. My company will pay for me anyway. They invited me to come back and work out today and I should really take them up on it, but methinks I am too lazy. We shall see.
Last order of business, I sent out a MySpace invitation to my birthday party on Friday, July 6th. If you didn't get it or you aren't on MySpace, shoot me an email (sideshovid@sideshovid.com) and I'll give you the wheres and whens you so desperately desire.
Weekend Warriors
Monday, June 4, 2007 6:48 pm
This past weekend, Daniel and I set about painting the master bedroom. We had originally thought that maybe we should just redo the bedroom I had in my old apartment since that was so badass. Toot! Toot! But what a horrendous waste of a opportunity that would be! Am I right? Ultimately, we decided to go with a variation on the theme of vertical stripes.
I'm really obsessed with Kenneth Brown. He's an interior designer who stars on reDesign. Every room he does turns out absolutely badass. He always puts this "spa-like feel" in every room and I wanted a piece of that. So I went a little bit out there and chose a nice soothing green for the walls. For the stripes, we masked off some that were much wider than my old ones. Then we painted them a light shade of yellow, let it dry, and painted this muddy matte brown on top. Before the brown dried, I scraped it off with a wire bristled brush to achieve a really cool fox finish. It's got great texture and almost ended up looking kind of safari. So we're gonna get some bamboo for the corner and maybe a zebra skin rug or something. We're still working out the details. Anywho, in the meantime, I wanted you all to see it. I hope this picture comes up okay on your screens cause it didn't look great on my camera, but it should give you a good idea.
Where everybody knows your name
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 5:13 pm
Since we have three bedrooms in our apartment now, we turned the middle one into a TV lounge, hangout room. It has just about everything you could ever want in a TV room: a TV with all the accoutrement, surround sound, super comfy sofa, mood lighting. Everybody loves hanging out in there. Really, the only thing that sucks about it is when you're drinking and you have to keep getting up and going to the kitchen to throw out an empty beer can and grab a new one. It is seriously far.
Solution! The day we moved in I vowed that I would convert the TV room closet into a swank bar complete with my wine fridge, a beer fridge, trash can, cutting board, glassware. You name it, this shit is going to be nice. The more I plan, the more complicated my dream becomes. Now bear in mind that I have zero experience and absolutely no tools. But I have a dream, damnit, and sometimes that's all you need.
But seriously, if anybody has any experience or tools, I could really use your help.
The past couple of days at work I've spent drawing this conceptual drawing. I first measured the closet and then learned how to use AutoCAD to do a really nice isometric drawing as a first draft for getting my thoughts onto paper. Today I took that finished AutoCAD drawing into Photoshop and googled the different materials to overlay into this finished product. I'm obviously pretty proud of myself. Toot! Toot!
The whole thing is roughly 8' by 2' and will be covered in slate tiles. The back has four holes in the wood trim for accent lighting. There will be glass shelves above it with all my glassware, so this should create a cool lighting effect. The cutting board is actually recessed into the two-ply-wood shelf. After it's tiled, it will be flush with the rest of the surfaces. The copper flashing you see is actually just a hole that leads down to a trashcan that will be concealed by the large cabinet. Drawers flank on either side for spoons and knives and whatnot. Where you see no cabinetry is where the closet walls will actually be hiding those areas. And below each drawer will be a wine fridge or a beer fridge.
I really think I've thought of it all here, but if you have any suggestions on how to improve my little design let me know. I estimated the construction time at 2 years but Daniel thinks we can accomplish it in a few weekends. I guess all we can do is try ... and kiss our deposit goodbye. Let me know what you think!
Home again, home again, jiggity jig
Friday, May 18, 2007 5:20 pm
We did it. We moved. It only took about 12 grueling hours to finish. I can only imagine how long it would have taken were it not for the help of my father and our dear friend, DJ iMernex. I have been working long hours at work and I'm getting ready to go back to Seattle on Sunday (for one day) so I've been very little help in putting anything away. Plus, you all know me. I'd keep shit in boxes indefinitely if it were up to me. But not Daniel. Boy howdy, everything is done. It looks amazing. This place is so fucking huge it's ridonkulous.
I'll be gone Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and then after that I should be home for a while. I say this because everyone I like needs to drop by as soon as you can to see the pad. I can't wait for Kaboom Town this year. I think we're gonna do a Kaboom Town/My Birthday/Housewarming Party thing. Whatever will we call it? Kaboothdarming? I am pretty sure that's a city in Iraq. Anyway, come up with some ideas and I'll pick the second best one.
The only downside to living here (and I'm not sure it's even a downside) is that there's ample parking on the streets over here. Whereas before I was usually forced to park in the garage, here I can always find a spot right by my door. Which means that birds poop all over my car every day. And it's an unbearable amount. So tonight I begin Operation Shine Lasers Under Trees. Every night around dusk, I am going to walk underneath every tree on the street and put a laser in the eye of every bird settling down for the night. After a few nights, they should be discouraged from ever staying there again. And I'll just keep on until my car is always clean. If it doesn't work, I'll just get a BB gun.
And that concludes my post. Having Daniel's computer here all set up is really nice and will hopefully equate to more frequent blogs. So don't delete me from your favorites list just yet. There's plenty more where this came from.
Moving day bribery
Wednesday, May 9, 2007 11:39 pm
The day is almost upon us. Tuesday morning Daniel and I begin the big move into our new apartment down the street. I have been painting non stop for about 2 weeks now. My living room and kitchen are a depressing clinical white. Just like the day I moved in. I guess it's pretty impressive that I erased my presence here in just a couple of weeks considering it took me like 6 months to paint it originally. It's kind of sad, but our new place is going to be so much better.
I just wanted to put out and APB and let you know that if you have Tuesday off or can lend a helping hand in any way when you get out of work that it would be greatly appreciated. And I assure you, you will be handsomly rewarded. The more people we have, the faster we get done, the sooner I buy everyone dinner and drinks and give out the hand jobs. I really haven't boxed anything up, so I think it's going to take about 2453 trips back and forth to finish for me. Not to mention that last minute clean up and when you think you're done and then realize you forgot the washing machine. Shit like that.
Also, this weekend is Taste Addison and Daughtry and Lifehouse and Blues Traveler are going to be there. I am attending no matter what but if I was done with painting, I would feel like 100 times better. So if you're free Thursday or Friday night and want me to pay you somehow to help me paint my bedroom (don't forget my ceiling is chocolate brown and needs to be white) that would be cool too.
As soon as we move I'll have fully functioning internet and a place to put my computer so it can stay on all the time. (The fan coming on at night bothers Daniel.) So I'll most likely be blogging a lot more regularly and you can all get back to enjoying the hilarity that is my life. But until then, don't forget to come over on Tuesday morning and bring some beer. Laaaaaaate!
Teeny Tinis; Huge Success
Tuesday, April 17, 2007 5:43 pm
Daniel's Teeny Tini 23rd Birthday Party was a whole lot of fun. We spent the whole day preparing for it. Luckily, I took that Friday off from work. First we had to buy all of the liquor that was on my shopping list. Then we got Airon to come over and mix up four pitchers of what were essentially shots. He was clever enough to make them pink, orange, green, and blue. And we had rows and rows of teeny tini glasses that Airon also acquired for us and I filled them up in rows. I wish I had Daniel's camera to show you all. It was vury pretty. And they were all extremely tastey. T to the A to the STEY girl you tastey. Everybody slurped them down. I had enough in each pitcher to fill up all the glasses twice, so I don't think anybody was left wanting.
There was a great mix of people coming and going all night long. I was exhausted when it was over and I know it was really special for Daniel for everyone to come. He got some really great gifts. Like the autographed pictures of Kylie Minogue that Adam! ordered him. Or the portrait of Kylie Minogue that JennyCole hand crafted out of colored pencils, beads, and flowers. Truly amazing. And Kelly got him a book about cars and a year long prescription to Car and Driver. Ryan Short got him this really great set of bath spa stuff. I can't remember what else he got, but it was all good stuff.
And Katie wore my dress! And looked fantastic. I will definitely grab a picture of that and show it to you all. Biggest accomplishment of my life thus far. Every time I saw her I would yell, "WHO ARE YOU WEARING? WHO ARE YOU WEARING?" over and over again. Good times.
But I guess the most exciting news is that I'M MOOOVING! Daniel and I signed a lease on Friday for a first floor, corner, 3-bedroom apartment in Addison! Circle. Okay, so I'm just moving down the street, but it's still fucking exciting. We are going to have so much room. Guest bedroom, guest bath, family room, living room, dining room, big kitchen, huge master bedroom with a door that opens to the outside. We are moving on May 15th so anybody that would like to help us cart shit over there, it would be most appreciated. Or if anybody has any boxes I can borrow before then, I would also appreciate that.
I think sometime around my birthday (July 6) we are going to have a birthday/house warming/Kaboom Town party. I'll be sure to let you all know when that is. And I hope you all have a great week and keep out of the rain. Laaaaaaaate.
So much for global warming
Saturday, April 7, 2007 3:08 pm
I really wanted to lay out today like I did last weekend. My goal is to lay out every weekend before Mexico so I won't reflect all of the sunlight away from the beach. But I was especially excited to use my new cooler that I got from Target. It's super cute and holds 24 beers. Unfortunately, I can't realistically go lay out ... because it's fucking snowing. Like not a little bit, but really actually snowing. It's April for xrist's sake. I think this cycle of the earth warming and cooling is on like a 4 year cycle.
Anywho, so I find myself layin around with nothing to do, which is why I'm here talking to you losers. Daniel and I went to look at an apartment today but since it went on the market yesterday and is still occupied, it can only be viewed during specific times on weekdays. So Daniel's going to look at it on Monday. It's got a fireplace, a balcony, a pool view, a large mezzanine, a spiral staircase, two bedrooms, two baths, and a view of the circle out the other side. Online it looks perfect and the girl at the leasing office said it was a really cool apartment and would probably go fast. Which means our original plan of moving in together in December, and our revised plan of moving in together in June, has just been moved forward to as soon as we can get into this new apartment.
It makes a lot of sense. For one it's the next logical step in our relationship. That's the main reason. But also because it's way more square footage for less money. And while living across the street from each other has been wonderful, realistically, we practically live together already.
If things go well we might move in at the end of May. Which would be crazy but fun. I just hope we have some sort of overlap in our leases so we can just get a couple dollys and cart our furniture through the park to the circle. If anybody has a truck maybe that would make more sense. I'll be sure to keep you all post-ed on if we get it or not. Later, bulges.
The good news
Tuesday, April 3, 2007 8:13 pm
The good news is, Katie came over to try on her dress and it fit her like a guhlove. It looked like I had measured her or had some semblance of an idea what I was doing -- neither of which are true. I need to finish putting in the zipper and then decide what to do with the length/hem and it's party ready. She said she actually likes it and I just decide to believe her because it makes me feel all tingly in my bathing suit area.
And there's no bad news. Sorry. Today I got home from work and was perusing my Addison! Circle newsletter and it had an advertisement for the Dream Cafe. It said it had lots of vegetarian and vegan menu options, so I wanted to try it. Oh, also, just fyi, I'm totally not a vegan anymore. I am still trying, but just failing more and more often. I eat cheese like every day, fish once or twice a week, and I've had a teeny bit of chicken twice. So I totally fell off the boat and can no longer in good conscience call myself a vegan, but I'm still trying. Gotta get in shape before the family Mexico trip because I'll have many people to impress.
Where was I?
Oh yeah, Dream Cafe. Since it was a cardio day, I decided in lieu of our usual Circle bike ride, we should venture across the Tollway to try this place. It was kind of far away and we had to cross a major highway during rush hour, but other than that it was a pleasant ride. I enjoyed my black bean nachos (with cheese) and Daniel had some ahi tuna. And as we were commenting on how delicious the food was, the perfectly clear and sunny 85 degree skies turned black and a torrential downpour spilled forth from the heavens. Unphased, we asked for a plastic bag, but our belongings inside of it and headed home through the rain. It let up a little bit as we were riding and it was downright pleasant. Soaking, yes, but pleasant. So much so that as soon as we made it home, I coaxed Daniel into an extra lap around the circle. We were, like, the only people out. We figured anyone that saw us would just assume we were severely dedicated to our bike rides. I guess some percentage of that statement is true.
0%. What? Zero is a percentage.
And now here I am freshly showered, warmed up, dried off, and a little big miffed we missed Sanjina on American Idol. g*d, I hope he wins the whole thing. He's such a fucking train wreck. I think this weekend my friend Adam! may come lay out by the pool again like we did last weekend with many, many pitchers of freshly made pina coladas. Some of you should join. We had a blizzast. Have a good week, have-nots. Czech you on the flip siiiiiide.
Project Runway Katie
Sunday, March 25, 2007 1:23 pm
I am on the verge of accomplishing something I have never accomplished before. I am about to finish a garment. Like, I started it, worked on it, and now it is almost done. It's a weird feeling.
When I would watch Project Runway, I was always confused as to how men got involved in women' fashion. I would imagine that people would just gravitate toward designing clothes for themselves and then would branch off from there. But this garment I'm about to finish is a dress for my friend Katie. And now I understand why everyone does women's clothes. They are so much easier than men's. And so much more fun.
I wouldn't tell Katie anything about the dress. All I would tell her is that anything I made, she had to wear. And furthermore, she has to wear it at Daniel's upcoming birthday party. So now I really have to finish it. But since I don't really mind if she finds out, and because I don't think she reads my webpage with any regularity, I thought I'd go ahead and post a sketch of the dress. I totally free handed this from scratch. Not. But I did choose the colors to approximate the fabric that I chose. Part of me hopes it fits her beautifully, but I have to admit there's another part of me that hopes we have to pin it up and let it out and her boob is falling out all night. That would just be funnier. I'm sure we'll snag at least one picture of her at the party and then we can finally compare one of my sketches to the finished product. And that will make for good times.
Speaking of the party, if you aren't on Myspace and didn't get the invitation, but somehow feel you are deserving of attending, just let me know. We should have plenty of room for more friends. I gotta go attach the dress and the bodice now and then I'll be done. Ha, "bodice," listen to me talking like an old pro. Laaaaaaaate.
Avocado, Ah- Ah- vocado!
Sunday, March 18, 2007 12:07 pm
I tried to post yesterday, but I guess Earthlink was having a problem with their servers. Everything on the internet worked except for my webpage. I blogged in Notepad so that I wouldn't lose the thought, but I didn't save it because I was just going to cut and paste it later when everything was working. Last night I was pretty sick so I stayed home and went to bed and then Daniel came home around 3. He hates the sound of the fan in my laptop so he turned my computer off before he got in bed. Long story short (which is pointless to say after you've already told the long story), I lost what I was going to say.
I do know that 95% of the reason I was blogging was to show you my St. Patrick's Day cake. I can't wait to win the lottery and go to culinary school and do shit like this all day long. It started off as a practice cake for Daniel's birthday cake next month, but as soon as I finished, realized the icing was green, and remembered it was St. Patty's Day, I dressed it up with the yellow. Thank g*d I have cake decorating materials on hand at all times. The best part is, the reason the icing is green IS BECAUSE IT'S MADE FROM AVOCADOS. Have you ever heard of anything so crazy? If you watch Alton Brown you have. I have to say, it is curiously delicious. It's light and fresh and citrusy with the lemon juice and orange extract I added. I think it will be a big hit. If you want to try it, you'd better hurry over before Daniel devours the whole thing. He's quite the cake-eater.
I hope everybody had a lovely St. Patrick's Day filled with green beer and devoid of green hangovers. Laaaaaaaaate.
Febrehabruariii Day 28 — Put this one in the ‘W’ column
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 9:09 pm
In about 3 hours I will have successfully completed Febrehabruariii. This was, by far, the easiest of the trilogy thus far. I think having people doing it with me helped a lot. Plus, I'm getting pretty good at it. And the vegan thing just made it such a joy. I don't intend to binge tomorrow on anything, but I'd be surprised if I went too far into March without a relapse. I have this birthday party to go to on Saturday and that will probably be the end of sobriety for me. If I don't have something to drink on Friday.
My total weight loss was right around 7 pounds this year. That's about half of what I wanted to lose. And I know I said I wouldn't stop until I lose the weight I wanted, but ... I take it back. I am going to do whatever I want, but it just so happens that I want to stay a vegan and I want to stay on my workout routine. So everything should just work itself out.
I got a badass new haircut last week. It's kind of a mohawk, kind of a rat tail, and has a wicked triangle in the back. It's the haircut I intended to get last time, but this time I went all out. Oh man it is so cool. Daniel got his cut by Xristofer for the first time, too. His is a little more subtle than mine but also pretty wicked. His sides were clipper cut real short and kind of extend to the back of his head. You just have to see it.
I had all kinds of things planned to blog about but I'm having a really hard time remembering them now, so this will have to suffice. Leave me congratulations, bitches.
Febrehabruariii Day 21 — The home stretch
Wednesday, February 21, 2007 9:15 pm
Happy to report things are still going well. I just got back from Daniel's parents' house. His mother cooked this vegetable medley that we poured over soy cheese biscuits. It was pretty delish. She's made a few really exquisite meals for me this month. Such a treat.
One more weekend to go and then, while I am not stopping Febrehabruariii, I am going to reward myself by relaxing the rules a bit. Like tonight, Daniel's mom was going to put anchovies on the salad and remembered last minute to leave them separate. If it were March and there were anchovies on the salad, I would just shut up and eat them. Or if there were wine at the meal, I would have a glass. But for the most part, I am not going to have a cigarette and I'm not going to binge drink. And I'm going to continue to eat a diet that is rich in an assortment of fresh fruits and vegetables instead of 98% soft chicken taco combos. Then we'll just see what happens from there. I am happy to report that my weight loss has resumed, thank g*d, and I've lost a solid 5 pounds now. I'd really like to see more go away, but even this 5 pounds has made a little bit of improvement.
Last weekend we joined our fellow Febrehaber, Lauren, for her game night. She just wanted to have a few friends over to play board games and enjoy a little sober fun. To get people to come, though, she told them if they would like to bring something to drink they could. It turned into too many people drinking and not really being too interested in the games. But I still had a blast. We played Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture Edition and I did pretty well at it. I wasn't the self proclaimed champion of Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture Edition like some people, but I still did better at it then I do the original version that we play at my parents' house.
There was even a chocolate fondue fountain there. It was making a squeeking noise, though, so someone turned it off halfway through the night causing it to solidify and become a total mess. The girl who brought it set out to trying to clean it up. So she had the outer portion of it removed and all that was left was the internal screw that draws the chocolate to the top. Keith told me that he was going to turn it on without the outer portion on. I tried to stop him. I begged him to consider the consequences for his actions. But, alas, I was unsuccessful. Some people. Sheesh. Chocolate went EVERYwhere. We're talking counter tops, carpet, walls, clothes. All I could do was shake my head emphatically and give Keith disapproving looks.
When the wall wouldn't come clean, Daniel and I set off to Walgreens to pick up a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser (the greatest cleaning product known to man). While we were walking around, I got a hair up my ass to get Lauren an "I'm sorry" gift in case she mistakenly thought I had anything to do with turning on the chocolate fountain. What we ended up with was a card that sings, "I'm sorry ... soooo sorry," a decorative bag with tissue paper, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers, and a box of Summer's Eve douche. The card read something like, "Lauren, we're sorry chocolate accidentally got all over your apartment. To apologize we got you the best cleaning products we could find." We giggled for about a solid hour over giving Lauren a box o' douche. The ironic part was that after she opened it, the Summer's Eve still wasn't the biggest douchebox at the party.
But still, it was a great time and we will definitely have to do it again some time. Thanks for being such a gracious hostess, Lauren, and congratulations on being one week away from your first successful Febrehabilitation!
Febrehabruariii Day 1 — On your mark!
Thursday, February 1, 2007 7:56 pm
On your mark! Get set! Go! Febrehabruariii begins! So far so good. I was nursing a raging hangover this morning -- one so bad that it required me taking a bath when I rightfully should have been at work -- so that always makes day one a breeze. I'm mostly just hungry. I think I ate enough today, I just never got that hungover satisfaction that a greezy mushroom swiss burger can bring. So far I've had plain ass oatmeal, a veggie sub, cashews, apple sauce and a protein shake. Not exactly busting a gut, but whatever, my body will adjust.
Last night Daniel and I celebrated our one year anniversary. Now, before any of you point out what I know you're going to point out, we decided that no matter how good or how bad things were for a while there, this was still the day that our relationship began. But we decided to party on Febrehabruariii Eve so that we could booze it up at dinner and whatnot. We ate at SoHo over on Beltline. Tres chic, great food, good atmosphere. I can't believe I've never been there. We might go back at some point because they serve hummus and I'm gonna eat me some hummus this month.
I just got back from the grocery store with 100 dollars worth of suitable vegan delights. You can't imagine how hard it was to find bread without milk in it. Or margarine that was totally soy. Reading labels sucks. It takes so much longer to shop. The other downside is that almost everything I got is perishable. So if for some reason I don't eat it all, then it totally goes to waste.
So okay, Daniel just walked in and busted me using his computer. My internet has been down for over a week, hence the lack of updates. I'm gonna go upstairs now and make myself some more blueberry muffins, but this time I'm going to try putting some blueberry juice in the batter like maybe in place of some of the water because I want them to come out blue. Huzzah!
Good luck to everyone who is participating, and by that, I mean Lauren.
Homeless in Seattle
Tuesday, January 16, 2007 7:04 pm
In Seattle, it is difficult to tell the homeless from the homeful. Stereotypes about early 90s grunge still dominating here are understatements. I've done my best to adapt by not shaving for 3 weeks, but I'm afraid that without a vintage hobo jacket, tattered Converse, and a pair of cords, no one will ever believe me.
This morning there was about 3 inches of snow accumulated on the ground. You could hardly tell where the curbs and the roads were. I was nervous about driving until I walked on it and there was a surprising amount of traction. My original plan to do a controlled 360 into a parking spot ala Undercover Brother was shot to hell. The weird thing was that by 9am, all the snow had melted. Some freak warm rain storm came through and melted ALL of it. And tonight it's supposed to be back in the 20s. I love talking about the weather.
While I was here I got to go have beers with Stuart. It was really fun. That guy hasn't changed at all except his hair isn't purple and he has no lip ring. I will hopefully see him again before I leave. His sister was visiting him or something and bogarting his time, but I think she left today.
Boy oh boy am I ever ready to get home. I've got a 6 cup tournament with Ryan and Todd scheduled for Saturday night. Daniel's going with me. Anybody else want to chance a trip to Arlington? Scary shit there.
Um, I just felt obliged to update. I really didn't have much to say.
Worst. Post. Ever.
Happy New Yarrrr!
Saturday, January 6, 2007 1:01 pm
Well hello there, have-nots. Welcome to the year 2007. I hope this year has found you all in good spirits and continues to do so for the next twelve months. I have had a pretty good year thus far. In the past, my new year's resolution every year was "to be more open and honest with my opinion." I feel like I might have achieved it every year also. So this time, I came up with a new one. I've decided to stop complaining about my job.
It's true what they say about your attitude being about 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. Why should I continue pretending to be surprised by the bull shit I go through? Why not just prepare for it, deal with it, and have a good time doing it? Well, that's just what I'm doing. So far it is working out brilliantly. Like the other day when I found out my trip to Seattle had been moved up one week without anyone telling me or asking me, I just decided it was okay. And then it wasn't a big deal. Sure, it should have pissed me off, but I didn't let it. So on Monday morning I am flying back to Seattle once again. Yippee skippy.
In other news, Salmie passed away last night. Please don't buy me another fish. I'm going to take a break from pet ownership for a while. He was a good fish, and he will be remembered and mourned.
Febrehabruariii is right around the corner. Are you as excited as I am about that? I've done some serious thinking and I've come to a decision about this year. I am going to give up smoking and drinking, of course. But I'm also giving up meat. Yes, folks, you heard me right. And not just meat, but all animal products. Sidesho is going vegan. I don't think the actual practicality of it will be all that difficult. I normally eat an apple at 8, oatmeal at 10, Subway at noon, snack bar at 3, peanut butter sandwich at 5, protein shake after a workout, and then a chicken breast for dinner. So okay, I'll have a veggie sub instead at lunch and then for dinner I'll experiment with soy beans and tofu and the like. I think it'll all but guarantee that I match my first year's weight loss of 11 lbs... believe me, I have it to lose this year! I just pray I don't have to travel during Febrehabruariii.
Daniel just called me. He was throwing up early this morning and went home to sleep. Now he needs a thermometer to see if he's really sick or just feeling icky. So I gotta run to Walgreens. I might pick up some tomato cocktail. It's a little more expensive but thats okay. I don't mind. I try to support my local businesses.
Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate.
Xmas makes me sick
Friday, December 29, 2006 11:29 pm
Whew. Thank g*d that is over! No, I'm not talking about the holidaze; I'm talking about the plague I came through this week. On Xmas night, I went with Ryan Short to have a few beers, came home, went to bed nearly sober. I woke up about an hour later and the onslaught of vomit, et. al., began. It lasted well into the morning where I found myself so dehydrated and so weak I was unable to hold myself up to throw up anymore, so I just kind of rested my head on the toilet seat and then slumped to the ground.
Something similar happened to me once in college and I ended up getting carted out of the dorm on a stretcher and into an ambulance. So I figured that might be a good idea again. But my insurance company has a 24 hour nurse hotline that I'm in the habit of calling before going to the ER, because that shit's expensive. The nurse wasn't too concerned with my symptoms and taught me how to rehydrate myself without enducing more vomit. I wanted to share it with you all. If you throw up, you should wait an hour before you attempt to eat or drink anything. Then after one hour you can begin to drink one ounce of water every 20 minutes. I did that, threw up one more time, tried it again, and it finally worked.
So there I was at 8 in the morning, freezing cold, sweating, shaking, my lips are dry and my stomach is tumbling, holding onto a shot glass filled with tap water watching the clock waiting for the next time that I can start sipping my meager nourishment again. It sucked so bad.
But, 16 hours later, I had progressed to crackers, and 24 hours later, I was basically fine. Still, it was awful. But at least the next time it happens I'll know what to do.
Other than that Xmas was good. Lots of little kids. Five total nieces and nephews this year. It's a far cry from the adult-only Xmases of yesteryear where everything was accompanied by a glass of scotch. But it was fun to convince a toddler that a fat man with a sack of toys climbed down the chimney while she was taking a nap. I've never really gotten to do that.
I got a wine fridge for Xmas. My brother Michael from California got it for me. It holds 28 bottles! I'm trying to figure out the best way to stock it. I might just buy a case of my favorite wine and then fill in the rest a few bottles at a time. But shit, 28 bottles is a lot. So if you want to bring me some wine, feel free, I have plenty of real estate.
In other news, Daniel has been in California for a long time now. He met up with his old baby sitter while he was there (he grew up there). She is now married to the brother of the mom from Mr. Belvedere! I'm not sure how that fact came to light, but it's true. Beeeoooowwwwww Streaks on the china! He said they're going to try to get me an autographed picture from her. I would truly cherish it. He also said they're going to give her my webpage address so she can see my Mr. Belvedere montage. That would rule. So if you're her, then welcome! I'm a huge fan. And we just might live the good life yet!
Wide receiver
Sunday, December 17, 2006 11:07 am
Last night I went to Daniel's parents' house for dinner as we do from time to time. When I got there, there was a large, misshapen box wrapped and bowed for me. It was an xmas present from the whole family. I was pretty excited to open it. The first thing that was in there was a large, hollow, fake gourd. His mother had placed it on top of the box to throw me off as to the contents. But below that was a brand new receiver! (As if a rectangular box is obviously receiver shaped.) Now, I know they say it's better to give than to receive, but if you give a receiver, does it all even out?
I have no speakers, but Daniel had a few that he doesn't use anymore and an extra subwoofer just laying around. He also had a VCR he doesn't use any more. So we trucked it all over to my apartment and I ate chips while he hooked it all up. Yes, folks, this relationship is finally starting to pay off.
A little while ago Daniel came home with two festive holiday ovalish kleenex boxes. His mother had given them to him and told him to give one to me. I chose the one I liked better. For some reason they were all in half English, half French, and the top of mine said, "Doux." So I said, "Oh my g*d, Daniel, why does this say 'douche'?!" And he grabbed the box, panic striken, and after reading it ... continued to be panic striken for a good additional 4 seconds. And I laughed. So hard.
I didn't laugh so much at the fact that I was able to convince him, albeit momentarily, that the kleenex was actually a douchebox (that's a new insult, try it). I laughed because I imagined his mother, innocently reaching into what she thought was a douchebox and pulling out a kleenex instead. And then she kind of pauses, confused, face melts to terror, and she yells, "Oh no! Danny!"
We were relaying that story to a girl friend of Daniel's and we were laughing about how douche could very well come in a box, as much as we know about it, which is nothing. And she informed us that douche is nothing but vinegar and water! There you go, ladies. I help you out. Save yourself some money.
Speaking of recipes, yesterday I found these really delicious looking avacados at the grocery store. I've never made guacamole before, but I was inspired. So I called my brother because his wife makes a pretty killer batch of guac. Her recipe uses salsa. Holy crap, that's brilliant. Instead of chopping up all the onions and g*d knows what else people pile in there, you just spoon in salsa. And then a little salt, pepper, and garlic powder. Mmm Mmm. I hope she doesn't mind me divulging her secrets here. But seriously, it was so easy and delicious. I left it sitting out and it turned black. Shit. But I have half a mind to go get some more 'cados. But I probably won't.
Oh dear, my father is bringing over new end tables for me tonight and my apartment is a total mess. I should probably at least hide the mess if I don't clean the mess. Hangovers are so demotivating. We'll see how far I get. Is it just me or do my hungover posts jump from subject to subject a lot more than normal? Oh well. Later have-nots.
We just might live the good life yet!
Wednesday, December 6, 2006 9:02 pm
Daniel's lil sister let us borrow one disc of the latest season of Family Guy. We couldn't help but watch the entire thing last night. On one episode Stewie is getting annoyed because people keep talking while he's trying to watch Mr. Belvedere. So he starts screaming the theme song on top of them. Way funny. But I remarked to Daniel, "How many people on Earth know the Mr. Belvedere theme song well enough to make that joke?" You can be sure it's a minority ... a minority I must be a part of. So we went to YouTube. g*d bless YouTube. Of course they had it. And now, for your viewing pleasure ... the first YouTube I've ever posted on my blog:
I need you all to watch it because you can't hang out with Daniel and I right now without being able to laugh when one of us imitates the trombone intro and we start singing, "Streaks on the china ... never mattered before. Who cares? Drop kick your jacket as you came through the door. No one's there! According to our new arrival, life is more than mere survival and we just might live the good life yet." Hilarious. As if people who can afford a fucking fat, sassy British live-in butler haven't quite gotten to experience the good life yet.
When I was trying to find the Mr. Belvedere theme, I was thinking all I could remember is that there was a montage of photos for each cast member. So I'm going to try and recreate it for myself.
Oh man, I'm awesome. Lastly, I just have to mention the SNL sketch where they had a support group for people who were in love with Mr. Belvedere. Only they called him Brocktoon or something like that so that other people outside of the club wouldn't know they were talking about Mr. Belvedere. Holy shit, I never thought my life would be so inundated with a crappy 80's sitcom starring Bob Uecker for xrist's sake. Oh well, you should all be so lucky.
I saw Peter Nygård, are you jealous?
Sunday, November 19, 2006 5:03 pm
Friday night Daniel and I went to the movie theater on account of my surgery keeping me from being able to drink. Whenever I'm sober and I try to think of something to do, I always end up at the movie theater. It's just about the only wholesome activity I am aware exists.
As we were pulling up to the Valley View Mall, we were behind this ostentatious Mercedes-Benz SUV. It had a flatscreen TV at the front of the passenger cabin and one at the back. And instead of seats it had benches. The side of the truck had this huge picture of this old dude with Einstein hair and his signature and logo. It was none other than... drum roll... Peter Nygård! Holy shit!
If you're like me, then your reaction to that news was a little something like, "Who?" As we passed by Dillards we saw people running around with walkie-talkies and a crowd of people waiting. This was clearly where Peter was heading. We parked by the movie theater and then I ran over to Dillards because I was far too curious. I asked a guy with an earpiece who Peter Nygård was and he said he designs women's clothes that sell at Dillards. Well it just so happened that as I was getting this information, the same Mercedes-Benz monstrosity pulled up next to me.
About 6 hot hoochies stepped out first. Daniel was pulling me toward the theater so we could get seats but I told him to wait because I really wanted to clap for Peter Nygård. So this old guy steps out and I started clapping wildly, trying to get everyone around me started as well. It didn't work. And I didn't stop.
I was clearly on drugs.
Then we went to see the new James Bond flick, Casino Royale. Read my review. It was so awesome. I want you all to go see it today.
The wheels on the bus go round and round
Tuesday, November 14, 2006 9:42 pm
My apologies to anybody who has had a birthday party in the past that I've attended. Because you've all been trumped. Let me tell you a little bit about the best birthday party ever.
I guess I should start by wishing Adam a very happy 23rd. His birthday was this last Thursday and he threw a humdinger of a shindig on Saturday. We rode around Dallas on a g*d damned charter bus drinking, singing, dancing, and bar hopping. It was so much fun. We were on the bus from about 10 until a little after 2 and went to the Walrus Bar, Iron Cactus, and ended up at Sherlocks in Addison. His friends were all super and I drank more than I have in a really long time. Daniel and I both slept the next day until 5pm. I haven't done that in years. I can't imagine how much trouble Adam went through to put all of this together, but I encourage all of you to copy him. And invite me.
In other news, just a remind that the ol' tonsils come out on Friday. So I'll be out of commission for a while. They claim one day. I'm planning on one week minimum. Please don't visit since I'm removing a part of my immune system and won't be fully protected again until it fully heals, but feel free to send me get-well-soon money. Laaaaaaaaate.
Campbells! Mmm! Mmm! good… possibilities!
Sunday, November 5, 2006 1:45 pm
I don't think I would even attempt this blog were it not for the raging hangover I am weathering at the moment. Sometimes it clouds my judgement. I am going to try to explain to you all why twice yesterday I almost wet myself laughing on separate occasions, but I fear the "I guess you had to be there." Alas, onward and upward let's start the show.
The first time I laughed, I was sitting on my couch watching TV with my dear friend JennyCole. Incidentally, JennyCole is concerned that whenever I mention her on my website, it's usually combined with some kind of rip on Mormons -- because they're all fucking retarded -- but this time I wanted it to be different. I want you all to know that JennyCole is cool man, yeah. So okay, we're on the couch and that new Campbell's soup commercial comes on. It goes, "Campbells, mmm mmm good... possibilities!" And it shows some douchebag dipping a grilled cheese sandwich into their tomato soup. When the commercial was over, Jenny was all, "Really... just how many possibilities are there... it's soup." And we started laughing and singing, "Crumble a cracker on top, um, or you could just dip in bread. Possibilities!" But also you have to imagine some guy in a dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, pencil in his mouth, plinking away at the piano. He's just come up with the perfect tune and chorus and is now desperately trying to come up with some possibilities for soup. Punctuate the day with random bursts of "Campbells! Mmm! Mmm! good... possibilities!" and you've got instant funny.
The next time I laughed hysterically was after Thommi and I got back from S4. Oh yeah, Thommi's here, but I'll talk about that another time. I'm not sure if he's lied to anybody and I'm not supposed to mention he's here. Anyway, Daniel and I were relating a story about something we'd chuckled about the other day, but this time it was g*d diddly damn hilarious. His mother loves this wine called Conundrum. It's kind of sweet for my taste, but certainly tasty, you should try it. The reason it's called Conundrum is because the flavors within are hard to discern. And the slogan is, "Puzzling, yet satisfying." I'm not sure if that's actually the slogan or if Daniel made that up. So then we embellished it to, "Puzzling, yet satisfying ... like a toe in the twat." Because that's the only thing we could think of that was both puzzling and satisfying. Now for this one you have to imagine a black and white CK type commercial with a woman in bed. There's a man sleeping head-to-toe with her. First her face is startled, then horrified, then utterly confused, then a huge satisfied smile. Conundrum. Like a toe in the twat.
I swear to fucking xrist, I should be in marketing. Speaking of jebus, there are these xmas cards I want at Urban Outfitters. It has a picture of jebus on the front gathering the children around him and he's saying, "Happy Birthday to me!" and then on the back they say, "Merry Christmas to you!" So cute.
Okay, I'm going to join the recovery sleep fest again. If you didn't think this blog was funny, then you obviously just didn't get it. Laaaaaaaaaaaaate.
I heard he sang a good song…
Friday, October 27, 2006 9:33 pm
If you haven't ever seen Dave Chapelle's Block Party, I suggest you go rent it immediately and bask in it. Just bask. I rented it last night when Blockbuster didn't have Stangers with Candy (so lame). So now I'm sitting home alone with a bottle of Patrón chilling in the freezer thoroughly enjoying myself. I got dressed up for no reason, fried some dinner in butter and life is good.
I remember the first time I saw Block Party. It was when the ever lovely Miss Lesbie Ann Bizzell was in my hizzell and we wanted a drizzell in the mornizzle, like you do. After drinking breakfast at the Gecko we went to Studio Movie Grill and laughed our asses off at this movie in between martinays. Loves it.
On Monday I have to get up at 4am. I have a 6am flight to Manassas, VA. Well, there's no airport in Manassas, obviously, but it is right near Washingtown, DC. I have to be there for a week with work. I would be lying if I didn't say I was looking forward to it. I've gotten in a rut lately, if you haven't noticed. I hardly ever leave my apartment. I never go anywhere or do anything. That is one downfall to dating. You just get comfortable and stop trying to look around for fun things to do. So now I'm going to Manassas. If I weren't dating Daniel then I'd say I looked forward to getting some asses in Manassas, but it's just a tag line now.
I got my sister's name in our annual xmas gift exchange. She's a 30-something news anchor, soon-to-be-mother of two with a brand new house. Give me gift ideas. I am not having any ideas pop into my head.
Like I said, not too many hilarious stories to tell from the couch unless you want me to recount my favorite episodes of Family Guy.... No? Then FUCK YOU. I'm out. Peace.
zoom zoom!
Saturday, October 21, 2006 10:36 am
In my continuing quest to save money, I got my teeth Zoom! whitened on Thursday. I hadn't really considered doing it until my 200 year old dentist put it in my head that I would be an excellent candidate for tooth whitening. Who the fuck isn't a good candidate? Honestly. Anyway, after hearing that I started thinking my teeth were fugly and yellow so I did it. If you're considering this Zoom! whitening, I want you all to think about it seriously.
I had to be in this chair for like 2 hours. They even gave me a pillow before we started, which should have been my first clue. Then they put that thing in your mouth that holds your lips back and get to work. Since Zoom! is speed up with some kind of light (I don't know what kind exactly, just that it will burn your skin if left exposed) they have to cover all of your tissue. That includes the lips, face, gums. They used some gauze-like material and shoved it into every nook and cranny of my mouth. Along my gums they used that blue shit that hardens under a light. So a piece of gauze along my gum line, and then the hardened blue shit down to the detailed sections, holding the gauze down. It was so uncomfortable. Then they shove this overhead projector inside your mouth and you can't move for 15 minute intervals.
I think my teeth are definitely better. The doctor says I went from and A2/A3 to an A1/B1, so you KNOW that's good right? But the fact of the matter is, my teeth weren't that bad before and they're not that great now, so I have yet to have anyone notice. I haven't given up yet though because I have a 2 week at home treatment to complete before the process is over. I just have to wait until Sunday to begin that or she said my teeth would get too sensitive.
My teeth are also dehydrated ... something I was unaware was possible. You'd think them being bone, first off, would make it hard to dehydrate them. And living their entire lives in a saliva filled pie hole might help too. But they assure me my teeth are dehydrated. So to drink coffee would not only be counterproductive during the whitening process, but would actually have a greater effect than usual. My teeth will soak up any pigment they are given. So essentially for the next 3 weeks or so, no coffee, no tea, no smoking, and absolutely no red wine. Arg. So far so good on all accounts. I got some vodka last night and Daniel made me a martini but the urge to smoke was growing, growing so I went to bed instead.
And that's just about all that's been happening lately. Sorry for the lack of posts, but either my life has gotten boring or my alertness as of late has made me less apt to mull over details of my day to find an interesting story for you all. Either way, I'm still goin strong. Tell your friends about me.
DAMNIT!
Tuesday, October 3, 2006 11:30 pm
I don't get it. I had such a good feeling and it didn't pan out. Weird. Daniel still has a few numbers to check so maybe it'll still work out. You know, you buy one lottery ticket one time and you totally expect to win millions. Life sure is crazy, ain't it? *crooked smile, head shake, casual lean against shoulder height shelf*
So I guess I have to go to work tomorrow. But all the news today wasn't bad. I went to the sleep doctor to discuss the logistics of having a tonsillectomy. I really like the way they take a body part, add -ectomy, and define that as the removal of that body part. Anyway, a tonsillectomy is considered one of the most painful surgeries for adults. It can take like 3 weeks before your life returns to anything like normal. Uuuuuntil NOW!
My doctor said no removing of the tonsils until he gets his new machine. It's some laser that vaporizes tissue. So with a local anesthetic and 30 minutes they vaporize about 90% of the tonsil tissue. And, the healing time is one day. They give you Tylenol and tell you to go to work the next day. Infuckingcredible. So I'm going to be a guinea pig for him. It's going to be so awesome.
Blech, I want guacamole but I think I'll go to bed instead. Later sluts.
So long, suckers!
Sunday, October 1, 2006 6:30 pm
The other night I got Daniel a popsicle. He said, "What flavor is it?" to which I replied, "Purple." "No, what flavor?" as if I am some kind of fucktard and didn't hear him. Back me up on this, but purple is most definitely a flavor. In fact, I think this is so common that even this joke is recycled.
Man, what the fuck is juice? I want some drink.
I spent the afternoon layin around watching TV. I saw this show about lottery winners and how their lives had changed since winning. It kind of made me want to win the lottery. So when I went to pay my rent, I stopped off and got 3 quickpicks. I should have 15 million dollars on Tuesday. I've decided that if I do win, I will most definitely post it on my website, even though they say you shouldn't tell anybody. But I'll also tell you up front, none of you are getting a fucking dime, so don't even ask. I'm not gonna be one of those people who doesn't change. When they interview people about me you're all going to say, "Oh he's completely changed. He used to be a nice guy but now all he does is fan himself with $100s and laugh." Yeah, it's going to be sweet.
Some of the advice these brilliant lottery winners gave was to play the lottery as often as you possibly can, and make sure you don't take the lump sum. RE-tards. One poor woman who won $91 million played the lottery every week for 18 years. And while I can hardly tell her she's an idiot since she has $90.9998 million more than me, I can tell you she probably wouldn't have been as poor if she was making smarter decisions with her money than that. And that goober who didn't take the lump some will get 200k for the next 26 years, at the end of which he'll probably have nothing. Idiots.
I'm going to do it right, though. I intend to spend my 15 million within the first 6 months. Rawk!
A Public Service Announcement
Sunday, September 17, 2006 12:55 am
It's time for another of those very, very rare treats... a drunken SideshoViD.com update! I just spent the most lovely evening with Daniel. We started out with dinner at Antonio's. I fucking love Antonio's. Not only do they know how to make my martini (very, very, very, very, very dirty with just a *splash* of vermouth (I've since given up efforts to define wet or dry)) but they have the best food ever. Mmmm carpaccio.
Anyway, tonight was another night of the continuing Oktoberfest here in Äddison! I accidentally bought too many tickets (Oktoberfest currency) so we had to chug beers the entire time to avoid wasting tickets. When we left I wanted more beer so I told Daniel we could go to the beer store and pick some up. He assured me that midnight was the latest you could buy. But I was SURE it was 1am on a Saturday. I called Ryan Short to confirm this and he told me that it was indeed midnight.
On the way to the car we passed by our Addison! Circle friend, Dave, who told us that it was 11pm. We both knew that there was no way that was true. I was so sure it was 1am that I told Daniel drinks were on me at any bar in town if I was wrong.
Well long story short (which is pointless to say after you've already told the long story) I was right. You can buy beer until 1am on a Saturday in Texas. And that, my friends, is my public service announcement to you. So hurry, you still have five minutes! Later, bitches!
Here we go again
Sunday, September 10, 2006 3:56 pm
In 30 minutes I am leaving for the airport to fly back to Seattle. I will spend the week there returning on Friday. Then my company expects that I will board a plane again the following Monday and stay through the next Friday. In fact, they expect that I will continue to do this for the next 2 months. In reality, I will spend my free time in Seattle surfing Monster.com to find a new job.
They wanted me to fly out this Monday but I refused. I don't know if it's silly or not but I just won't fly on September 11. Especially not for work to somewhere I don't want to go. So they were pissy about that. They told me the arrangements couldn't be changed. I told them I would be in the office in Dallas on Monday morning if they wanted to contact me regarding future travel. They had no choice but to cave.
There were some emails sent back and forth regarding my performance in Seattle the last time I was there. I was basically trying to get out of going back, and they were trying to pin it all on me -- perfectly understandable. However, I'm going in swinging this time. It's no longer their time. It's my time. I have my own laundry list of items I would like to address. If at any time they refuse to take my advice that they are paying for, that item will be crossed off and may not be brought up again. When the list is finished, I am gone. I'm just so glad that they pissed me off before I came, because now I have no qualms laying down the law.
In other news, Daniel, his sister, and I all went to the Goo Goo Dolls/Counting Crows concert last night. It was too much fun. The show was great. We didn't stay through the entire concert because Daniel's sister claimed to have never heard of Counting Crows so we left early through their set. But I got to hear Omaha, Big Yellow Taxi, and Colorblind. Those are three of my favorite songs so I was satisfied.
Not sure what else to report really. I'll update from Seattle if I get bored but I already have plans to hang out with Philip and Robin some more and expense our good times. Grumble, grumble. Ugh, czech you all on the flip side.
Walla walla wanna come home.
Monday, August 28, 2006 11:39 pm
g*d, I have been dreading this post. You know how you just have too many stories to tell and then you don't tell them and they pile up to the point where you really would just rather let them go by the wayside? Well, no, none of you understand. All of your blogs died after a few months. Trust me, though, it's rough.
I've been in Seattle for over a week now. All in all I'm liking the city. I don't like the way people drive here though. They take the speed limit as some kind of "limit" for your "speed" instead of a starting point for negotiation that you automatically add 5mph to... y'know, like normal people. It's fucking annoying. The bigass van they gave me to tool around in more than justifies any kind of driving I feel like doing.
On Tuesday, I made some friends. For some reason I never have any trouble making friends when I'm living in a foreign city. I guess I'm just that fun, outgoing, and internet savvy. Their names are Phillip and Robin and they're my new SBFF. They live up on Capital Hill, which is a literal fucking hill that I have marched up and down countless times in the past week. It's been worth it though because we always have fun when I get to the top. They have this cat. Oh man, I have to tell you about this cat. It is half cat, half bobcat, and it's obvious in its markings and in the face that this is the case. He also has short ears like a bobcat. What they tell me is that a bobcat is the only feline other than a domesticated cat that can successfully mate with a domesticated cat. However, the babies are usually so retarded that they don't even make it full term. Well this cat beat the odds. His name is Webol. They calls him that because he wobbles when he walks. He looks like he's severely intoxicated when he walks. It is so damn cute. If he wants you to scratch his head, you have to use two hands -- one to stabilize him, and one to pet him. I'm not an animal person, but I like this cat.
So I've pretty much spent the week working some, and then meeting Phillip and Rob, or one or the other, for food and shopping and drinks. We went out pretty hard this weekend. Another city's gay clubs under my belt ... maybe that's not a good way to describe my collection of gay clubs. Anywho.
I am so ready to come home. I miss Daniel and the stoop and Coors Light and Mexican food and Whataburger and my couch and my TV and my bed and Salmie and J's. Good thing I'll be home just in time for Kaboomerang (what I was calling Kaboomtwon, but I'll conceed their name is better). Friday can't come soon enough. I've had fun here, but I want to come home. ARG. I'm going to be coming back to Seattle a lot.
I'm on the phone so this post is over.
Globetrotting
Monday, August 21, 2006 8:04 pm
Where to begin? I guess, first, I should mention that I'm reaching out to you all from a two-story Starbucks in Seattle, WA. Not three days after I returned home from my DC/NYC vacation, I boarded a plane for a four-hour flight to the great northwest.
When I was sitting in the terminal waiting for my flight, I noticed a particularly ill-behaved toddler screaming his head off. I just knew he would be sitting near me. And I was right. This little fucker was directly across the aisle from me ... and he did not shut the fuck up the entire flight. He was screaming for the sake of screaming. Now here's what really bothers me. His mother catches my glare, smiles, chuckles, shakes her head ... like she's expecting me to be the same, like, "Eh! What'reyagonnado?!" and ruffle the kid's hair. I'll tell you what you should do. You should smack that kid so fucking hard that the next time he ever thinks about screaming on a crowded airplane, the resulting Pavlovian headache is crippling enough to quell that impulse. Good lord, people, it's bad enough you decided to breed, then decided to do a poor job in raising your children, but at least have the foresight not to bring them in public. No one thinks your kid is cute but you.
Except my nieces. They're all adorable.
So Seattle kinda sucks. The weather is pretty kickass, but I'm bored out of my gourd. I don't know anyone here and my room doesn't have internet access until I move hotels on Thursday. I really just want to be home, but that won't happen until September 1. Somebody call the whambulance.
My trip to DC was spectacular. Daniel and I got along famously, something that had mildly concerned me before our departure. While we spend nearly every hour outside of school and work together, that doesn't always give you a good indication of how you'll handle 24/7 with a person. But it was not even an issue. We spent every night in DC gay bar hopping. We got to meet up with Mr. Kenderdine and my dear friend JonSteed. DC is a pretty cool city, but it's missing that essential pretentious attitude that makes going out really fun. Nobody dresses up. They wear flip-flops and cameo shorts and sleeveless Ts out the bar. What's the fun in that? Daniel and I had to get all fancied up and go out with our sunglasses on to show em how we do. Daniel's dad had a nice apartment in Dupont Circle with a huge terrace. The terrace was surrounded on three sides by a tall brick wall, and the fourth side was a rod iron fence. So every night when we were smashed and getting home, we'd climb the rod iron fence to sit on top of the brick wall and smoke cigarettes. Every single night one of us got hurt. Daniel tore his foot open. I have a puncture wound on each knee. You'd think we would learn our lesson after a few nights, but we managed to avoid any lessons learned.
New York was a b-last. I still don't like the city, but I definitely like the time I had there. We stayed with Daniel's friend David (so bear with me during this story, I'm not speaking in the third person). David showed us as much as he could in the short weekend we were there. We went to some good bars, but they were all so fucking packed. I can't imagine paying 8 times as much for an apartment 1/4 the size just to spend every night packed into bars so tightly that it's hard to even drink. And if you go to New York, make sure you take a lot of cash. IF places even took credit cards, they all had minimums. 5 dollars at most stores, 50 at some bars, and one bar even said they wouldn't swipe my card more than once when I told them to just run it. I suppose if you're marking up alcohol 800% customer service isn't at the forefront of your concerns. But like I said, we still managed to have a blast. One day we went on a Project Runway tour of the city. We went to Bryant Park, and Parsons New School for Design, and the Red Lobster that Santino made fun of Tim Gunn and Andre about. We went to Mood, the fabric store they always shop at and had a fabric scavenger hunt. We managed to find 3 of the fabrics that they've used on the show this season. Too exciting. We also went to the flagship Macy's and they had a window display with all of the winning outfits so far this season. It was fun to look at them up close. By far one of my favorite parts of the vacation. The other day we just kind of strolled around Central Park. Thank you thank you thank you to our most gracious host and newest Sidesho-Viewer, David. Can't wait to see you again soon!
We did so much walking on our trip. I really felt like my legs got a good workout, since they haven't had any recently. We also took a train from DC to NYC. That was a first for me. I like the train. The train is kind of like what I assume airplanes would be like if there weren't assholes trying to blow them up all the time. You just kind of get on where you need to get on and then get off when you need to get off. It just made a lot of sense to me.
I have to apologize for the length of this blog. I had a lot to say and nothing else to do in this fucking city. I'm bored. If anybody knows somebody who lives in Seattle, or knows somebody who knows somebody PLEASE get in contact with me. I would kill for some company. Alright, I'll update more when I have internet in my room. Later, bitches.
Adios, bitches
Monday, August 7, 2006 11:50 pm
I'm off tomorrow for my week long vacation to Washington, D.C. and New York City with Daniel. I can't imagine that I'll have internet access readily available (or that Daniel will tolerate me updating my website when there are so many things to do). So this is my farewell to you all. I will update when I get home and let you know how it went. Laaaaaaater bitches!
Sittin’ on top o’ the world
Saturday, July 29, 2006 12:05 pm
Als ich mein kleines Diagramm heute morgen saege, beachtete ich, daß mein Punkt über Deutschland gewachsen war. Das bedeutet, daß ich mehr als zehn Besucher von dort gehabt habe. Da ich nur eine Person in Deutschland kenne, muß es mein Freund Marc sein, die meine Web site liest. So wollte ich erklären ihm hallo.
I'm takin over the world, baby. In fact, on BBC.com, they just had an article about the happiest countries in the world. Denmark came in first place. The U.S. was 23rd. This little map shows happiness in the world with red being the most happy and yellow being the most African. I took the liberty of overlaying my ClustrMap dots on top of this map. If you'll notice you'll see that the highest concentration of my dots are all over the happiest countries of the world. Coincidence? I think not. I am the light.
I made Daniel go out to Antonio's with me last night because I wanted to attempt to have a cocktail. I wasn't sure if the alcohol would sting my throat, or if alcohol would go right up my nose as water as been doing. (Did I already mention that the uvula is responsible for closing off the nasal passage when swallowing?) Well, I am happy to report that I had two "very, very dirty Absolut martinis," my drink of choice these days, and had absolut-ly no problems. I'm back, baby! Although, I did have a problem that maybe you alchys can help me with....
My first martini was delicious. And really, there's so much olive brine in my glass that it's hard to taste much of anything but that. However, I thought I detected an overbearingness of vermouth. When the waiter came to see if I wanted a refill I said, "Yes, oh and I think I forgot to mention, I also wanted it dry." And he said, "Oh, I'm sorry. So, more vermouth? You got it."
I was under the impression that a "dry martini" -- or a "dry vodka martini" for you purists -- would contain less vermouth than a regular martini. The research I've done online this morning suggests I'm correct. Wikipedia says, "A dry martini uses less dry vermouth than normal, perhaps a dash or lace of the glass." That makes no sense that a dry martini would use less dry vermouth, but it matches up with my original assumption. Am I right or am I retarded? What I want is a martini glass filled with equal parts of olive juice and ice cold vodka. How would one go about ordering this?
Tonsils, ash trays, mojitos, and trash cans
Sunday, July 23, 2006 1:27 pm
I was trying to take a picture of my tonsils for you. They are so swollen and painful that I ended up taking myself to the emergency room yesterday morning. I wish you could all see them but even the best picture that I was able to take is a high contrast, blurry, red mess. They really are disgusting though, trust me. Turns out, I have an infection, but since I'm already on penicillin to ward off bacterial infections, and there's nothing to be done for viral infections, they basically told me to go home. If the pain doesn't subside soon, I'm going to go absolutely crazy. I'm actually sick of being on pain medication. Never thought I'd say that.
As I was traipsing through the pictures on my camera, I found these that I took the night I invented ash tray liners. Daniel has these really cool ash trays. Anytime we smoke inside, Daniel has to dump them out into some aluminum foil (to avoid the old-cigaratte smell eminating from the trashcan) and wipe them out with Clorox wipes. We call it "the dump and the wipe." I was pretty sure I could find a way to eliminate the need with an aluminum foil disposable liner. It took me a while, and a bunch of prototypes, but I finally came up with an easily repeatable manufacturing process. It's patented, though. I just thought I'd show it to you because you might want to come up with your own patented process if you have ashtrays. It really does simplify life. Of course, you could always just make your ashtrays completely out of aluminum foil like I do. I'm getting pretty good at it.
KaboomTwon has been rescheduled for Labor Day weekend, September 3rd. (No, that wasn't a typo. I've decided to call our second KaboomTown party, KaboomTwon.) Daniel and I want to serve mojitos at this one. My fear isn't that they're hard or time consuming to make, it's that I can't come up with a good name for them. I assume we'll be having Grizzy Gooses and Kaboomcrown'n'cokes again, and "mojito" just doesn't stand up to that. So let's have a contest to come up with a Labor Day, firework, KaboomTwon inspired name for a Mojito. The winner might get an invitation to the partay.
And finally, let's close with our product placement of the day. Today we feature the simplehuman line of trash receptacles. These are, in my opinion, the finest trashcans money can buy. I've featured here, my 40 liter semi-round step-on can as well as Daniel's 30 liter pull-out model. He doesn't have a lot of floor space in his kitchen so it was the perfect model. They also make their own simplehuman trash bags that are custom fitted to our cans. They are the finest trash bags, way better than any Glad force flex or any shit like that. These are really thick and truly won't rip when you stuff them full. I love it. Is anybody listening to me?
ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG
Friday, July 21, 2006 10:19 pm
This pain is bordering on unbearable. I've already burned through my first prescription for painkillers and my attempts to ration the lone refill aren't going so well. I pretty much have to take one every 4 hours. I haven't been able to stay a full day at work yet because of the pain. My throat is so swollen that my tonsils are nearly touching. It's probably infected because it's so bright red. If you're thinking about having a uvulectomy, I suggest you plan ahead and take a week off of work. The only relief I get is after a pill kicks in and I sleep for a few hours. If I sleep much more than that, it's really painful when I wake up, so I'm going to try to spend the weekend doing nothing but healing and sleeping.
It hurts so much to eat, well, swallow. I am supposed to drink ice water in small sips to try and take the swelling down, but the cold hurts on top of swallowing. I eat a lot at each meal to try and space them out as much as possible. I have a huge, gaping open wound directly in the path of all food and liquids on their path to my stomach. Since I don't have an IV, I don't know much choice but to keep doing it, but I dread the thought.
My wishlist hasn't turned out exactly like I thought it would. It was intended to help me plan far in advance for the purchases I wanted to make. Instead, it's become a grocery list for the past few days. Whenever I'm hurting, I find that spending large sums of money always brings a smile to my face. Today I got a couple new pillows and all new pillowcases for every pillow I have. It's not enough to just put one pillowcase per pillow though, because then sometimes the case folds back and you can see the pillow. Unacceptable, so we put two on each pillow. Not exactly cheap when you're dealing with DaMask Stripe sheets, which also happens to be the product placement for today. These sheets are so comfy and stylish. Pick your favorite color and then pick yourself up a set. I have the chocolate brown to match my ceiling and wall stripes and then I got red for the pillows that I keep on the couch. Rawk!
Oh, Daniel and I will be in Washington D.C. August 8th through the 16th with an excursion up to NYC the 11th through the 14th. Yes, I'm returning to New York despite my vow to never do that. I have a feeling this trip will be exponentially better than the last. Anyway, if you reside in either of these cities, let's plan a get-together. Til then!
Exit: Tuna
Saturday, July 15, 2006 11:00 pm
Last week, our dear friend, Tuna, passed away. His health had steadily declined for a couple weeks prior to that. I did everything I could -- a heater, some aquarium salt for freshwater fish, medicine -- but it wasn't enough. He was just old. I'll miss him. He was a good friend.
Daniel and Kelly got me a new fish for my birthday. I was kind of upset about it at first and didn't really want it. I didn't want to replace Tuna; didn't want some other fish I didn't even know swimming in his tank, eating his food, sleeping in his reeds. But tonight I had a change of heart. I've decided to adopt Salmie as a part of my family. I rearranged the tank so it looks nothing like Tuna's and put Salmie in there tonight. Daniel and Kelly named him Salmon but I don't really want to call him that, so I changed it to Salmie (pronounced "Sammy"). So far he seems okay; he looks happy anyway. He keeps attacking his reflection which is kind of funny. We'll see what happens, but I think I like him now.
I bought twelve chrome tipped bulbs. I thought that I wanted them for my overhead lighting to soften it up. I read on the internet that you should dim your overhead lighting until it isn't bright enough to light the room. Then you add lamps and spotlights and whatnot until you get it just right. Unfortunately, these bulbs just aren't quite right for me. They don't really work in the fan fixture that I have. I have one in my lamp that looks alright. Anyway, I bought twelve off the internet because I couldn't find them in any stores, so this is me asking all of you if you would like to try them out in your house. If you like them you can have them. Just lemme know.
It is well past time for me to start drinking. Justin came to town and I went to dinner with him in the Land of Gar. It was a pretty funny dinner but that story will have to wait. I've got 24 friends waiting on me in the fridge. Peace out, sluts.
Go shorty, it was mah birfday
Saturday, July 8, 2006 12:24 pm
So Thursday was my birthday. I was pretty vigilant with my vow after last year's debacle to not make a big deal about it. Thanks to everyone who remembered and sent me a message or called. I worked on my birthday but took this Friday off because I was pretty sure I was gonna be drunk.
I decided that all I really wanted to do was sit on the TV and watch some beers. So when I got home from work, I tidied up a bit, cooked a frozen pizza and got down to drinking. Brett Sabulous had kept his plans tentative just in case I was doing something, and decided to come join me in my quest. So we sat on the TV together and watched a lot of beers. When Daniel got home, we moved the party down there and continued drinking. It was so much fun. So low key. So much more my speed.
Daniel got me a really nice Bulova wall clock for over my TV. That brings my clock total to 6 now. That's almost one clock per 100 square feet of my apartment. I am obsessed with knowing what time it is. This is the only nice clock I have though. It looks pretty smart over my new TV stand. I need to hang it just a smidge higher but I couldn't reach, so it's temporary now. Brett got me a gift certificate to Face, this men's salon in uptown. I'd never heard of it but their menu was quite impressive. I'm going to go get a real shave. I have ALWAYS wanted to do that. Hot towels, hot lathers, straight bladed razors. Omg, I can't wait. My parents got me a month of yoga. I really want to try out this place called Dahn Yoga over on Beltline. I don't know what brain respiration is but I'm soon going to find out.
So everything went just swimmingly this year. Unfortunately, speaking of swimmingly, Tuna is in bad shape. He's been really lethargic lately, so this morning I got online and researched his condition. He is showing every symptom of disease. I am going to get a heater for his tank since the temperature should be between 74 and 78 degress Fahrenheit, and if you've ever been to my refrigerated apartment, you know it's always colder than that. I'm about to quarantine him, clean his tank, and see if we can't revive him. But he's 2 years and 3 months old now, so I'm not sure how much longer he'll be with us. I'll keep you updated on his condition. Remember him in your prayers to Chuck Norris. Peace out, have-nots.
KABOOM!
Wednesday, July 5, 2006 8:30 pm
Our Kaboomtown party was such a hit! You'll see why I say that shortly.
First off, Kaboomcrown'ncokes are so delicious. I was able to convince most of the guests to scream "KABOOM!" when they ladled an ice cream scoop full of cherries into their drinks. That bottle of Crown lasted all of like 30 minutes. We switched to Grizzy Gooses (I wondered if the plural was Grizzy Geese, but it's not) soon after. When the Grey Goose was gone, we switched to Grabsoluts. That makes no sense since the "Gr" came from "Grey" but oh well. Absolizzy sounds stupid. The champagne flowed and the beer went way faster than expected. Smart move on my part getting plastic bottles. You'll see why I say that shortly.
When it got dark we all went to the roof of the garage. It was solid people. Solid drunk people. It was pouring rain. All the drunk people were dancing and hootin' 'n hollerin' in the rain. Yours truly included. Someone had a watermelon full of liquor that they were dispensing shots from. When that ran out, they filled it up with whatever beer was available. Too much fun. Brett Sabulous and I screamed, "KABOOM!" at the fireworks repeatedly. Repeatedly. Since it was pouring rain, they only shot off about a third of the planned fireworks, I'm estimating. There was no grand finale like I'm sure they had planned. I felt bad for the people that had probably planned the whole thing, it was basically ruined, but still totally rad. I love fireworks because when I was little my parents used to tell me that they were for my birthday.
After much merry making on the roof, we went back downstairs. I was pretty drunk and happy so some of the details escape me, but things got ugly. You'll see why I say that now. Without using any names or daring to understand the provocation, several fights broke out. Not like fun friendly fights. Like mean trying-to-hurt-each-other fights. I think back to like when Todd and DAvid would fight and I'd sit back and laaaauuuugh. Because even though they were throwing real punches and causing real bruises, you just knew that deep down inside they weren't going to hurt each other. It's like watching brothers fight. Not so that night. They were out for blood. And your local good Samaritan, Sidesho, was trying to stop it. Several mislanded punches later, several concrete tackles later, several wrestling matches and alpha male chest thrusts later, it was finally disolved, but not before our party was basically ruined. I was left with a few minor scraps and scabs, bruises all over both arms from someone fighting to escape my grip, a severely fucked up shoulder, two knees that don't take much to fuck up -- but falling on them on concrete did the trick -- a new trick ankle, and a sore nose. Good times, good times.
I was pretty upset at the time. By "upset" I mean "really drunk and upset" which always makes things worse. I took quite a bit of consoling, not because I was hurt, but because I had to watch people I cared about trying to draw blood from each other. I'm a delicate boy, I can't handle that shit. But now that's it been a couple of days, looking back it was rather exhilarating. I've never even been near a fight, and frankly have always been terrified of the proposition, but now I don't think it would be that bad. I mean, no one was fighting me, I was just in the way, but still, it doesn't hurt THAT bad to get hit. So watch the fuck out, everyone, this is your warning. I'm looking for a reason now. I WISH some mother fucker be sittin in my seat.
So that was my Kaboomtown. The 4th was much more serene consisting of dinner at Daniel's parents' house and a drive home where we could see at least 3 fireworks shows going on at all times. This is so my favorite holiday. It's really cool too because it celebrates our country's independence; it's not just some Hallmark-invented holiday like Valentine's Day or easter. So hope everyone else had a wonderful (and tad safer) holiday. Czech you skillets on the flip side.
Everything you didn’t want to know, and didn’t care to ask
Saturday, June 17, 2006 10:50 am
I'm really diggin' this ClustrMaps thing I have going on. I want to thank Joseph for emailing me about it. Looks like the Sidesho is a lot more popular on the east coast than the west. Should I mold my brand of humor to benefit my already strong demographic? You know, make jokes about the Atlantic ocean n stuff. Or maybe I should be focusing on trying to bring up the readership in states I don't already have an uncompromising strong-hold on. Perhaps I'll start with Utah. Haha, fucking Mormons. They're all insane, did you know that? It's like the perfect blend of xristianity and Scientology. They think jebus will fly them a spaceship and drop their asses off on their own planet where they'll be free to engage in secret handshakes and secret tacky underwear without being under the watchful eye of rational people. joey smith bless 'em, they're all fucking mad!
Well that was tangential. My hungover posts tend to be a bit more random than the sober ones. My brother's wife's brother was supposed to come get my old couch, oh, 6 weeks ago. I was going to donate it but as a personal favor to him, I held onto it. It's totally cluttering my apartment. He couldn't find a truck so I gave him 3 weeks to do so, after which my brother's wife had to go to the hospital for a bit and her brother went to Houston to help out. So then I felt bad and had to give him an extension on picking it up. But that was like 3 weeks ago, so I've had this shit for a WHILE. On Thursday, the Salvation Army is coming by to get it. I can't wait to get my entryway back.
Went out on the yacht again on Thursday. I left work early and met the troops. They pulled into port to pick me up and were just gonna swing by the dock, I'd make a running leap onto the boat and we'd speed out of there. No need to park or any of that nonsense. So they pulled up, I jumped on and we sped off ... right into a sandbar. Luckily the lake was deserted, because we were fucking stuck. It was pretty funny but we couldn't laugh because Alexander was getting pissed. After about 20 minutes of revving the engines in reverse and kicking up a ton of dirt in the water, we finally got out on the lake. They had blown up a little 3-seater raft and were dragging it behind the boat. I rode it for a while. It was hella fun but I'm not much of a thrill seeker so I got back on the boat and let Kelly take my place. Next time we do that, I'm gonna go ahead and suggest we all have life vests on. As much as I'd hate a life vest tan, Jordan almost died. We hit this huge wave, Daniel threw up, and Jordan went limp, airborn, and under. It was scary and funny. He said he didn't remember falling out and woke up in the lake. Luckily he was okay. Not too much else happened -- oh, except that I can officially say I've been skinny dipping in Lake Lewisville. No details!
So I haven't worked out in like a month. Don't know why, I'm just lazy and can't get back into it. I was really concerned when I went the other day (isolated incident) that I would have gained back all that weight I worked so hard to lose. But I weighed myself ... and I lost three more pounds!!!1! Do you believe that shit? This "eating right" malarky must really work. g*d, I eat so much more than I used to. I usually have at least 6 meals a day and they're all packed with nutritional goodness. That makes a grand total of 21 pounds lost from the time I started eating right. I don't think you could have looked at me a few months ago and said "hey fatty mcfatfatfat fuckfat, lose some weight." Like I don't think I looked that fat, but fuck me, I look good now. I don't even think I weighed this little when I graduated college. Rawk.
Let's see, let's see, what else can I brag about. Oh! I think I might be an amazing cook. The other day I was in the grocery store and randomly decided to cook dinner for Daniel. I think all he ever eats is fast food junk food, and he's been having problems with his stomach so I thought a home cooked meal would be good for him. I roasted a g*ddamned chicken! Do you believe that shit? I like stuffed it with onions and celery and put a dry rub on it of salt, pepper, all spice, and cinnamon. And I baked it for 2 hours, and basted it every 20 minutes. It was so insane. I'm a masterbaster. It came out like perfect. Its the best chicken I've ever had. And on top of that, the whole bird was 6 dollars, and I got two very large dinner portions and a whole heaping plate of leftovers. I'm going to roast a bird once a week from now on. If we'd stop going out for oysters and wood fired lobster maybe I'd actually get a chance to eat some of my chicken delight.
I think that should be enough for now. I'm heading to my parents' house to watch World Cup Soccer with my brother Michael. He is in from California. His daughter Kelsey is THE cutest thing on Earth (perfectly tied with Kaylyn and Ann Marie). Then I get to have dinner with Miss Allison "Google" Hoffmann. What a great day. Oh and my sister called. She is having a boy! Two nephews coming soon! Later skillets.
Fun Stories
Tuesday, May 23, 2006 6:57 pm
I just got my new Chuck Norris shirt in the mail. If you go to ChuckNorrisFacts.com you can order one too. Also, if you haven't been to ChuckNorrisFacts.com then you are an idiot and you need to go read all the facts immediately; they are riotous. The best part of ordering your shirt is you get to design it yourself. You can choose from like 30 slogans and icons and size, arrange, color and combine them however you please. I <3 Technology.
I went to the Richardson Wildflower Festival on Saturday. Don't get me wrong; I like wildflowers as much as the next guy, but the reason I went was to see my beloved, Lisa Loeb. She was fantastic. There are few things in life that make me smile more than hearing "Stay" performed live by Lisa. When she got done, Daniel, Jenny, Steven and I moved into the shade by the gate to smoke a cigarette and look for Lisa's sister, Debby, so we could yell at her that she rocks. She was on the reality show #1 Single with Lisa and she ... well ... rocks. It turned out to be a good vantage point because Lisa walked right by us as she was paraded to the autograph signing table. I yelled, "I love you Lisa!" and Daniel yelled, "Great show!" and she totally looked at us, smiled, said hi, and thanked us. Eat that, you idiots that waited in line!
Today, I got up early to go to my Pillar Procedure check up. I ran down to my car with about 20 minutes left to make my appointment in time. When I got to the garage, I saw that my left, rear tire was fucking flat. I have never had a flat tire in my life. I called my dad to ask what I should do. He suggested changing it. DERRRRR. And that DERRRRR is for me, not him, since I honestly hadn't thought of that. My dad taught me how to change a tire once when I was 15. I thought it was an absolute bore, but thank g*d he did that. I managed to change it myself, with many dramatic text messages to Daniel claiming I couldn't. I was pretty proud of myself. I made it to my appointment about an hour late, but it wasn't a problem. Everything is healing nicely. No uvula snipping until everything is completely healed. Doctor's orders. Damn. Best part of the day? Both my checkup and fixing my "screw"ed up tire were FREE! FREE I TELLS YA! Thanks National Tire and Battery.
UPDATE!!!!1! Holy shit, I can't believe I forgot to include, like, the whole reason I started blogging today. This one requires a little bit of a back story that some of you have probably already heard but I'll tell it again because it's the greatest story ever told. One night while I was studying in the MSC with Allison our freshman year, I got up to use the bathroom. Having forgotten that they locked the downstairs bathroom at 9pm every night, I was quite embarassed when I walked full speed into a locked door. Furtively glancing around to make sure no one saw, I ran upstairs to pee. On my way back down, it hit me like a ton of bricks. As I told Allison the story, I looked at her and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" and we quickly gathered our things and ran giggling to a hiding place near the bathroom. We made a crappy hand-made sign on the back of a flier that read, "DOOR NOT WORKING PROPERLY. PUSH HARD!!!" Only "HARD" was underlined like 8 times. Then we used some tape from another flier to affix it to the locked bathroom door. We hid behind the stairs leading into the cafeteria and waited. Guy after guy after guy after guy walked up, read the sign, and then proceeded to fight with the door for a few minutes. One Chinese dude took a flying leap at the door and hurt himself. Two frat boys sat there each taking turns screaming at each other, "DUDE! It says push HARD!" All the while, we sat not 10 feet away with tears streaming down our faces, fingers firmly pinching our noses closed and our other hand suffocating the hysterical laughter. It still goes down as one of the best nights of my life. So you can imagine how hard I laughed when I went to use the restroom at NTB and found this sign on the door. I didn't want to photoshop it so you'd know that it was a real picture, but it reads:
"PLEASE PUSH HARD ON DOOR THANK YOU"
You can only imagine how many times I looked around to make sure two teenagers weren't perched within viewing distance laughing at me. Fucking punks.
A lovely day for yachting
Tuesday, May 2, 2006 6:23 am
Kelly went away for a while. When she returned, she brought with her a man named Alexander. Alexander has more money than you or I will ever see in 10 lifetimes. Aside from that little tid-bit, he's a really cool, laid back, generous guy. Him and Kelly get along really well. That said, I've had a few firsts as of late.
First, I broke the Sidesho-Land Speed Record. I'm not sure what it was before, probably about 100mph that one time Allison and I made it from College Station to Dallas in just over 2 hours. The new record is 150mph. Did I mention Alexander used to be a race car driver? He has some really awesome car, but I obviously don't remember what kind it is. The other night Daniel, Matt Cweech, his friend Sean, and I met up with Kelly and Alexander here in the circle. Afterwards, he took us for a spin down the Tollway. Treating lanes as if they were a mere suggestion, we weaved our way in and around traffic until we hit a top speed of just around 150mph. I was pretty scared, but it was such a rush.
Shortly thereafter, we were invited out to the boat. Yup, I broke the Sidesho-Water Speed Record. Can you believe that I've never been to Lake Lewisville? Or I hadn't, rather. Well, I have now and I must say the next time you get out that way, you simply must do it on a certified yacht. This thing had a little picnic table in the back, and a couch, and a bedroom, and a kitchen, and a bathroom, and it hauled ass too. It was so nice. He let me drive it a little bit even though I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. And when we were sitting out front on top of the boat, he would veer wildly trying to knock us off. I spent the whole day out there sipping on beers, chatting it up with Daniel, Hunter, Lauren, Matt Cweech, and of course, Kelly and Alexander. It was just a gorgeous day and way too much fun. I'm hoping we do that like every weekend.
I had to get those stories out there because I'm gonna have a different story to tell when I get home in a few hours. Daniel is about to take me down to see the doctor that does the Pillar Procedure. I'm getting that done as well as a turbinate cobilation (?). They're gonna stick foam pillars in my throat and shove a laser up my nose, essentially. Here's a link to that article Ryan Short wrote about me for the Dallas Voice. I don't think I ever shared it with you all. So wish me luck. It probably won't help me sleep, but it couldn't hurt. Ciao bellas.
Look who’s back… back again…
Thursday, March 9, 2006 5:41 pm
It's great to be back. I gotta tell you. Boy, I missed beer. And liquor. Liquor? I hardly even know her. My glorious return to drinking was shared with a couple of birthdays. First, to the Allistralian. She flew halfway around the world and I had to fuckin miss her bbq. I was stuck in Funkytown until like 7:30pm for work, and then by the time I arrived back at the office, I already had some friends from out of town waiting for me. So my apologies, but I do hope you had the best birthday ever.
Next, was Miss Lesbie Ann. She drove up from Austin to celebrate turning into 27. Oh wait, I mean, turning 27, my mistake. She had been to Dallas plenty of times, but she had never been to Addison! I assumed I would have to show her all that Addison! had to offer, but instead, she showed me ....
Friday night we sat around drinkin beers like I do most weekends. I wanted her to meet everyone and see how we do. Saturday morning we woke up and went to Cafe Gecko for Bloody Marys and breakfast (since when are those different things). From there, we went and bought tickets for Dave Chappelle's Block Party. Really, we just wanted to drink more and figured a movie without a solid plot might allow for breaks to the bathroom. A few margaritas and martinis later we retired for a respite in my apartment until it was time for our appointments at the spa. Unfortunately, they couldn't find anyone to massage me on such short notice, but Lester did have a diamond scrub facial with allllll the trimmings. I met her at Zen Bar to celebrate and we threw back a few brewskis, brah. Then we met up with Daniel to go to Shuck and Jive where we ate more oysters than you would normally assume three people would eat and drank a lot more brews, dude. Our plans to get fancied up and go south of 635 were interrupted by our inability to drive. So we wrapped up the evening drinking at Daniel's until we both passed out. What a fabulous weekend. Thank you so much to my host, Leslie!
Last bit of business. Who watched Project Runway? Who else is incensed at the finale? Chloe?!?! Give me a fucking break. Her collection was a bunch of shiny GEM monstrocities. I thought they were going to tear her a new one. I was a Dan Fan through the whole season but had just recently switched to voting for Santino. I wasn't blown away by any one collection, but I thought that Santino would win. Daniel's was too plain Jane store shelf looking. I don't wanna look at anything too conceptual but I also don't want to look at something I probably could have thought of. Blech, what a disappointment. I can't wait until Jay McCarroll's line comes out. I'm gonna wear the shit out of it.
This weekend. Out of town. Niece's 1st birthday in OKC. Can't wait. See you all when I get back.
Febrehabruarii Day 2fucking8
Tuesday, February 28, 2006 12:33 am
Join me, won't you, on the home stretch of the second annual self-imposed sabatical from all things sinful. Any by sinful, I mean enjoyable. There are so many stages of Febrehab that you go through during the 28 days of detoxification. First there's the optimism, then the irritability, the pain, the eye gouging, the night sweats ... and eventually, the hump, followed by the denouement. I am now on the last stage -- and RIGHT on time. Remorse. After all I've gone through, why, oh why, would I subject myself to it again. I could just continue this forever and be nonetheworse because of it.
But, FUCK THAT. I think on Wednesday, after work, I will wait until that guy pulls on the tail of that bird perched on the rock outside and makes it whistle. I'll slide down the tail of the Brontosaurus and into my car. At that point, I will flick a Bic and enjoy a Prince flown fresh from Sweden. (BTW, did you catch my Jetsons reference?)
Wednesday and Thursday will be punctuated with the grand, world-wide tradition Berliners refer to as "Feierabend." Ja, meine Freunde, I am talkin about the Happy Hour! Oh, I can't wait. I need to get the chops up, though, to prepare for our victory celebration that I've dubbed "Febrehabruarii -- 28 Days, Not To Be Confused With Its Sequel, 28 Days Later." F28DNTBCWIS28DL? Doubtful. Probable? Keg. Come. BYO, though, the kegs for me. Daniel can have some. And Brett Sabulous could have had some if were going to be in town. Party starts at 8 in Addison Circle. Bring a friend.
I didn't really save any money this year. Instead, I spent every dime that I normally spend on alcohol and cigarettes dining on only the most expensive of cuisines. You haven't lived until you've had 3 foot long crab legs, or 6 lobsters wood grilled on the table in front of you, or rows of raw oysters on a halfshell abed a mound of Sonic ice. I gave up red meat in addition to the other carnal pleasures, so rare steak was off the menu. I didn't really lose any weight either, but damned if it wasn't worth it.
This was the best fucking Febrehabruarii of my life. I'll miss it when it's gone and look forward to next year (preview: Febrehabruariii). Thanks to all of you for your continued attempts to entice me to fail at my goal, and thanks to me for ensuring none of you succeed. Onward, and upward. To the bars!
Febrehabruarii Day 19
Sunday, February 19, 2006 2:49 pm
Have you seen this Colgate commercial? They're implying that if your gums bleed a little bit when you brush that it could be a sign of gingivitis and that brushing with Colgate will fix that. But what gets me every time is the chick who says "When I saw a little pink in the sink...." You cannot tell me I'm the only one who hears "two in the pink, one in the stink" and looks up expecting to see the shocker.
I have a new goal. Well, actually, it's an old goal, but I'm going to go for it now. I want to own everything as seen on TV. I'm talking everything. I'm going to begin with the Faraday Flashlight. It's a flashlight that charges itself based on the electromagnetic principles discovered by English chemist and physicist Michael Faraday. I'm really impressed they named it after him too. I also like that you have to shake it in a masturbatorial motion in order to get it to work.
How was Vegas? Oh, I'm glad you asked. I won about 700 bucks. Yay! Unfortunately, I lost about 850. It was pretty fun though. I hit a couple of big pots on the slots. I was just in such a mood for slots. You know how it is, when you get all slotty, put on your slottiest outfit. I got to see the Allistralian! She is back in the contiguous United States. We were in Vegas together for her last night and my first night. Good times. I need to call her now that she's in Dallas. The rest of my trip was resignation fodder, but the odds of that blossoming beyond an idle threat are small. I used to have ambition. Sigh.
I don't have to work tomorrow. Rawk! Oh, I almost forgot it was still Febrehabruarii and I have to comment on it. I didn't crack whilst in Sin City. It was a huuuuuge challenge, but no problemo for yours truly. I've been having a lot of sober fun with my fellow rehabruaers, Daniel and Brett Sabulous. Oh, and in closing, let me just save you all 8 bucks -- do NOT go see Date Movie. Laaaaaaaaaate.
La Dolce Vita — the suite life? Erherherher
Sunday, January 22, 2006 1:25 pm
I'm not going to stand here in front of all of you and claim that my life is any more amusing, entertaining, or spectacular than yours. When I get up in the morning, I put my pants on one leg at a time. HOWEVER, you would not guess it from the life I've led recently.
Our story begins last Friday. I was sitting at work when I received a phone call from Daniel. He had gone to Galveston for the weekend and was upgraded to the Palladian Suite at the Treemont. He said I should come check it out. I shut down my PC, walked out the door, and drove straight to Love Field. I bought a plane ticket to Hobby and got on the plane. We had so much fun tearin up the mean streets of Galveston. Oh, Galveston, you poor, poor shitty little town. We walked all around trying out every bar in town, meeting all of the club owners and DJs, and making friends on the streets. We ended up going to an after party at a really nice loft one night and a really fun beach house the second night. There are too many funny stories from that weekend, you'll just have to hear them in person, as most of you have.
Then last night, I was invited by Brett Sabulous to accompany him to his company party. He works for a major hotel. I don't want to get him in any trouble with his company through my webpage, since his father googled him and read about our first night on the stoop. Anyway, I don't really have anything incriminating to say about our sandy and gritty friend this time. We just had too much fun. There was a casino at the hotel with fake money, and then you could purchase raffle tickets. I had $4,000 to start with and managed to piss away half of it when I decided to bet the rest on one hand and get back to even. This is why we do not take Sidesho to Vegas. I ended up betting everything I had left on the next hand and winning, and then continued to scream "LET IT RIDE" for the next few hands. A few wins and a blackjack later, I found myself with 16,000 dollars. We didn't win any raffles, but still had a blast. A few drinks and a few bars later, we were back in our palacial suite at the hotel in Addison!. Way, way too much fun. We got on the internet through the TV and were completely stupid. (After some taquitos, naturally).
I started this blog like 24 hours ago and just now got around to finishing it. There are a few more stories I need to tell but I'll save them for the next blog. Laaaaaaaaaaate.
I couldn’t even begin to title this random mess.
Sunday, November 20, 2005 3:37 pm
I just got my Addison! newsletter in the mail. I really have not been utilizing all that this city! has to offer. Honestly, I just keep eating at the same restaurants! over and over again when there are literally hundreds I have not tried. There's the Water Tower Theater! a stones throw from my apartment and I have yet to see a show. Speaking of theater! they are playing The Santaland Diaries! by David Sedaris! December 7th through the 23rd. Tickets! are $17-30, anybody want to go?
I also hear a lot about this Addison! Gym. Apparently, if you can prove that you live in Addison! (which shouldn't be hard to do since ... I do), there is a one time fee of $10 for a lifetime membership. I was confused as to how this could possibly be profitable for them. But I found out that I already pay for the gym. It's like part of my taxes. I suppose since we don't have schools or anything lame like that, we can afford to allot money to the Recreation Department. So I need to go check that out and see if it's as nice as Lifetime. I pay for my gym, but my company reimburses me the majority of it as part of the employee wellness program, so I guess I could always have two gym memberships. It's just a matter of getting off my lazy ass and signing up.
AllieD's friend Jennifer IMed me today and informed me that Target has outlawed Xmas. In addition, they have started selling bargain-brand vibrators at all of their stores. This is unsubstantiated information from an unknown source, but I'm definitely going to have to research this. Anyone with any information, please let me know.
I've decided in 2006 to repeat my February experiment. I'm sure you'll all recall it from this year. In 2006, though, it will (of course) be called Febrehabruarii. Like you didn't see that coming. I'm thinking that this year will be even more intense than last year. No booze, no cigarettes, no caffeine, no staying up late, no skipping even one workout, no ground beef or fatty food, no spending money frivolously. Come March, I am going to be really, really, ridiculously good looking (and out of debt). Mark my words. Anyone want to take up the Febrehabruarii experiment with me?
I might be getting a new washer and dryer today. I'm buying Miles' old ones from him because mine squeak and it is annoying. Lil Jarrod randomly called me today and we went to lunch with Daniel at J's, yum, and he said he wanted a washer and dryer, so I'm giving mine to him. Does anyone have a truck that we could use? You'd have to drive from Addison! to Den-ton¿ but I'm sure we could find some way to make it worth your while. I don't know how fun it will be to have an extra bed and an extra W/D set all chillin in my living room. I mean I know I'm white trash, but srsly.
I'm going to OKC for Thanksgiving to eat my 140 dollar Heritage turkey with my parents, sister & fam, so I'll be out Wednesday through Saturday. I got another coupon from my company for a free Butterball turkey, though, so I think I'm gonna throw my own Thanksgiving party later. Probably mid-December when Owen is in town. Miles offered to let me throw it over at the Hamptons (his new house -- in the Hamptons of Addison!). So that should be fun. I'll be sure to keep you all posted on that.
This next week is going to suck, especially with this attitude, but it will be a short one so I'm sure I can survive. It's gonna be a big push to remain employed through the end of the year but I'm sure I can do it. And, I think that's all I had to say. Funny, when I sat down, I thought I had nothing to talk about. Carpe diem, friends! HA! HA!
Beware of those in need
Sunday, November 6, 2005 11:52 pm
This was another fabulous weekend spent on the stoop. We all just kind of hung out, watched movies, and drank a whole bunch. Last night, around 4am, we had the bright idea to go to J's Hamburgers and Breakfast for a post-evening meal. Usually when I say something was a "bright idea" I mean it sarcastically, but in this sense, it truly was a delight. I had some sausage patties and a few too many cups of coffee. Daniel, Miles and I rode back (the 3 blocks) to our little stretch of Addison circle and were prepared to drink a little more and then turn in when we heard the most pathetic little, "Excuse me. Excuse me."
We turned to find this woman -- drunk and crying -- wandering the streets of Addison with no shoes on. She explained to us in between sobs how her friend and her had gotten into a fight over a man, and she was now locked out with no phone, no keys, and no shoes. We offered to let her in the building and walk her up to her friend's apartment (for moral support). When we got to the fourth floor, she wandered around aimlessly, sobbing some more, claiming she couldn't remember which apartment belonged to her friend. She sat there helplessly, and then in a fit of rage the likes of which I haven't seen since I shared a bedroom with my brother, she randomly decided that the door nearest to her was the one she was looking for and began beating it down screaming, "OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR YOU BITCH!" I didn't have the time to take a picture of her, so I illustrated it all for you:
Since we're such rock steady moral support for all vagrants and vagabonds north of 635, the second she hit that random stranger's door with all her might, we exited stage right. We took the elevator down to my floor and then sprinted back to my apartment. We slammed the door, laughed for a minute, and then watched the Magic Bullet infomercial. I hope that chick is okay and didn't have to sleep in the hallway. Actually, wait, no, I don't care.
What I did have my camera for was the sign that Miles, Lindy and I were looking at outside of Daniel's building while we waited for everyone to join us. Here's a quick snapshot of it. We were trying to decipher it's meaning. Lindy decided that it was a message to all handicapped people to "just get up." Just get up. I thought that was so funny ... after many, many longnecks. I just had to share it with you all.
I had too much fun once again within the confines of Addison Circle. I find less and less reason to go downtown these days. I hope my friends south of 635 know that they are always welcome to the stoop. Just FYI. Okay, that's all I have for today. Now let's all get out there, hustle and have a grood week. *slap on the butt*
Stitching it all together
Tuesday, August 9, 2005 10:31 pm
I thought I could squeeze a few more aliases out of you, since I was enjoying them so terribly much, but I guess not. If you think of one later, please feel free to share it whenever it comes together.
I couldn't possibly wait to update, though the time that has passed, and the beers that have passed through my urethra since then may convolute the stories. Sorry, was that gross? Anyway, I wanted to let you all know that the Addison Circle is coming together. Premier new members? Namely Miles, Brett Sandy and Todd (although Todd's application is still under geographical review). Then there was Daniel and Kelly (?). They are my neighbors across the street.
So the story. Brett Sandy and I have been wanting to hang out ever since I got back from Sweden and just now decided to carpe the diem and giterdone. He came over under the premise that we would drink and watch movies and see what happened. Well, what happened is that Miles and Todd were enjoying the Dallas Wind Symphony (which ended up being a 5 piece brass band) down in the Circle. We joined them for a bit, listened to the Sousa, and then I went to get some liquor and beer. When we were walking into my apartment to enjoy said booze, we got whistled at. Who does that? There were two boys and a girl sitting on the stoop across the street, so Todd yelled at them, "Which one of ya'll whistled." Well it turned out to be Jordan, who came up to say hello and invite us to come across to join their party at Daniel's. Gay neighbor a stone's throw away? Huzzah.
So we went and drank and chatted and then they brought out the Roor. I'm not sure I can adequately describe the Roor. It was the biggest, most intricate bong ever constructed. I swear to g*d, they all but brought out the welding torch to put this thing together. It had like 3 water reservoirs in it. I've never seen anything like it. This coming from the guy who uses a bong as a flower vase -- and nothing but a flower vase -- go figure.
It's not often that SideshoViD.com delves into the seedy underbelly of drug consumption, and it won't be through my own personal experience that we go there, but we do have to talk a bit about Mr. Sandy. As you might expect, Brett Sandy is SABULOUS. He is both Sandy and gritty. He decided to puff-puff-pass for the first time given the circumstances. The combination of boxed wine, 100% agave tequila, vodka, beer and Mary Jane prooved too much for our fearless partier. Miles and I walked him home around midnight and put him in my bed. We could have just left him alone, but instead decided to interview him on video with Miles' digital camera to hilarious results. Can I get a copy of that, btw, Miles?
We rounded out the night just having a grand old time with about 6 of their friends and it must, must occur again. BUT, first I have to go to Cincinnati for 2 weeks following my trip to Austin this weekend. So I will be gone for 3 weekends in a row. Just as the Circle is rounding out! DAMNIT! I am going to find a hotel that definitely has high speed internet access (so I can work from the hotel room, duh) so I will surely be updating you all from the WONderous land of Ohio. I have a feeling it's the Oklahoma of the north. Ugh. But a change of scenery is a change of scenery. It's time to get horizontal. Peace, bitches.