Yesterday was the first day of real rain since we've moved down to Dallas. I woke up to the sounds of rain beating against the windows and realized that it probably meant I would be late for work. So I jumped out of bed, had a hurried shower (which is rare these days since we upgraded to the multiple shower heads), and inhaled some breakfast on my way out the door.

Having never commuted on I-35 in the rain, I was pretty nervous about what I would see. And when I got to the on ramp, I had to pump my brakes a few times to merge. And then the strangest thing happened. It opened up and we started going 65 mph... the entire way to Carrollton. There wasn't so much as a stalled vehicle on the side of the road to impede the flow. Everybody was cruising right along. As I listened to the traffic report, which that morning was basically a rundown of every highway in the metroplex, I really started to get proud of everyone on 35 that morning.

So now I want to start a group on Facebook or maybe a Yahoo group called "People who take I-35E north from Dallas in the mornings." That way, I could get on there and post, "Great job everybody! We all handled the rain wonderfully. High five!" Even though the high five is across town. I think that would be so fun to interact with people who share your commute. Like, "Hey, person in the green Tahoe, you totally cut me off," and then they could reply, "Sorry, my wife was in labor, had to get to the hospital," and then you'd be all, "Aww, congratulations!"

And I call my idea ... the Commutety.

It's official. I live in Uptown. It's a little bit surreal considering that just a little over a month ago, I was snug as a bug in my apartment in Addison one day dreaming of homeownership. Honestly, I don't think I ever would have purchased a home if left to my own devices. I am a creature of habit. But a little push was all it took, we found this condo, fell in love, and now we're all moved in and set up. I would post pictures, but we're having the painters come sometime in the next two weeks to completely paint every wall. And we're waiting to do that before we hang anything on the walls. So it is still a work in progress. But at least the TV room and my foot massagers are set up and operational.

Our blinds have been ordered and should be delivered this week. And we got a couple of really cool ceiling fans that we just found out were never actually ordered from Lowes. This old dude "ordered" them for us, but considering he didn't know how to use the computing device to order them, I suppose I shouldn't be shocked that it never went through. I'm about to run over there and see what I can do to straighten it out.

I wouldn't say it's exactly a culture shock making the move south of 635, but its definitely a little bit different. We have a plethora of new restaurants around us within walking distance to try -- so in that way, it has most of the features that I always liked about Addison. It's like I live in a real city. So exciting. I'm sure I'll have some more stories from the mean streets of Dallas as time goes on. And pictures once everything is done.

I've just rounded out the 6th hour of programming on the History Channel about the Kennedy family. I'm not sure why they're doing a marathon today, but I was completely enthralled in all of it. It's weird to think that was nearly 50 years ago. In keeping with my long standing traditions as the publisher and editor-in-chief of a conspiracy theories newsletter, I thought maybe I would offer my own theory as to the assassination of JFK.

I have seen all the recent computer regenerations and accurate recreations and I now am convinced that the fatal bullet came from the 6th floor window of the Texas School Book Depository Building. SIDENOTE: What the fuck is a book depository? That phrase has kind of become ingrained in our vocabulary because of this singular event, but has it ever occurred to anyone else how strange it is to have an entire building in the heart of downtown dedicated to the storage of text books? It is a seven story building for g*d's sake. Exactly how many books were left there? Why weren't they handed out to school children? I find the whole thing very suspect.

Anyway, modern forensics has sufficiently proven to me that the fatal wound came from that window -- but it has not convinced me that Oswald made the shot. In fact, what if he missed? What if he was really aiming at Jackie O? Tell me you weren't jealous of her pink Chanel suit. It would enrage anyone to want to take her out. Wind blows a little more than you accounted for and you've just accidentally shot the leader of the free world. Whoops. That's why it was such an impossible shot, because it was a pure fluke accident. That's my original conspiracy theory.

I should go to the 6th floor museum. I've never really been down to that area of town much less on a Saturday afternoon, but I was amazed while condo hunting that like 100 people were strewn out across the grassy knoll making hand gestures and angle measurements up to the window. Now that I will be living in Dallas for the first time, I have certain duties to know about interesting things to see/do in the city. And that one is a no-brainer for out of towners.

Moving day is rapidly approaching. The bar is destroyed. The walls are white. Several boxes are packed. We are well ahead of schedule and that makes me very happy. I'll keep you posted -- Moving Day Oct 30.

A lot has happened since last we met. It turns out we are moving. October 30th we'll be in our new home in Uptown. Yes, yes, I know, I never thought I would leave Addison either, and I do so with a heavy heart, but looking long term, we thought the Uptown area would be a better permanent location. And it has all of the walkable amenities we like about this neighborhood, but we're really in a real city. Our address will now say Dallas, TX. I've never lived in a real city before.

We're moving because we're buying a condo. I have been an avid renter for many years, often espousing the virtues of renting. People always whine and moan about equity and about how you're paying yourself instead of getting someone else rich. But look, don't be stupid. When you sell that house, if you make a profit, you're just using it as a down payment on another house, from which you derive another mortgage, probably and you will continue making monthly payments until the day you die. So I don't look at this as an investment, I look at it as permanence. We are never moving again! So we want that to be somewhere we own.

It's a little bit of a downsize, so we are trying to tell a few of our things. If you need a bed or some office chairs or bar stools or a microwave or blender or knife set or TV or shower curtain or wine rack or buffet table or IKEA shelf or end tables or a night stand or inversion machine or upholstered coffee table or flatware set or chandelier or DVD player or pendant lighting or drawer pulls or drawer slides .... let me know. Also if you're available Halloween weekend to help us move that would be awesome. We're going to hire movers for the big stuff and do the rest ourselves. And we live overlooking a graveyard now so it should be a spooktastic Halloween!

More details to come as I know them. It's not a done deal yet, but it will be the 29th! Can't wait!

My hypochondria strikes again. Ever since the last ER scare, I just haven't been 100% satisfied that all systems are go. And you always hear about those people that have like a persistent problem and are told again and again and again that nothing is wrong, only to find out their own intuition was right and there's some huge devastating problem. I really don't like to think of this as a psychosis because I'm not completely obsessed, but when I sit at the computer on a Monday morning with my fingers on my pulse and count that every fourth beat of my heart is skipped, I get concerned. I could ignore it and see what happens or I could take advantage of my totally bomb health insurance while I've still got it and go get checked out. (Because my company is switching insurance providers, not because Obama is taking it away.)

So I scheduled and appointment that day for a stress test. And let me just tell you, it was awesome. Everyone should do it just for fun. Like I did. You go in and get hooked up to all the regular EKG stuff that I'm practically bored with these days. They take a bunch of baseline measurements and then you lay on a table and they get out the ultrasound machine to take a sonogram of your heart. I was able to lie on the table and watch each part of my heart expand and contract and could see each little valve flip open to let the blood through. They even used the same technology used in a doppler radar to measure the speed of the blood as it went through my heart. It was so damn cool. The guy even showed me my lungs and my liver and if I took a deep breath in, they would shift my heart over and throw it out of focus.

Then you run on a treadmill until you hit like 190 bpm on your heart rate. So I was truckin it up a steep incline. And as soon as you reach it, you jump on the table and take some more ultrasounds. Basically, no doctor has reviewed my results, but the technician said everything looked completely healthy and normal. I asked him about skipped beats and he told me something I had never known before. The heart isn't controlled by the brain. It's the only organ capable of producing its own contractions completely independently. So even though it should always work, occasionally it can screw up because of a million different reasons. He has a friend whose heart skips beats when she drinks orange juice. The body is a complicated machine. So if you heart messes up some how, it is capable of realizing this, and "skipping a beat" so that it can completely drain the blood out and start the process over. And sometimes this causes a large pause, and because of different pressures all around, it can cause discomfort or pain. And as long as every beat isn't a skipped beat over the course of an hour, there is no reason to be alarmed when it happens. Even though, for the record, this has been happening to me for a few hours at a time at least once a week. So I think it was okay to go get checked.

Anyway, it was flippin sweet and I encourage everyone to do it.

My apologies for back to back politico blogs. I'm not usually this involved, but then again, I rarely have two such awesome ideas in rapid fire succession. Today I'd like to discuss a little bit about Obama's health care dream. Affordable, government provided health insurance for all? Makes me sick just thinking about it. Imagine! People without jobs being healthy. It's disgusting. Preventative health care eliminating much of need and ultimately dropping health care prices for everyone? Unacceptable. I work hard, damnit, and I don't want some free loading single mother ass hole cashing in on that. In fact, once we effectively squash this SOCIALIST movement, there are a couple of other arenas I'd like to address.

Police. Why is it that the people who generally utilize the police the least pay the most for it? Why do MY tax dollars go toward equipping and training a police force that is going to protect EVERYONE. That's socialist bullshit. If you can't afford protection, then news flash, sucker, you don't get it. I would like to see the police stations in this country disbanded. I will use my own personal finances to hire myself a police force. That way I won't have to sit helplessly as my house is broken into waiting for help to arrive because they are out somewhere protecting illegal aliens.

Fire. Imagine this. Your house is on fire. Small, contained, maybe just in the kitchen. You call 911. Doing everything you can to control the blaze waiting for help, you start to lose the battle. Finally, sirens and lights outside and a team of well trained experienced firemen rush in. "May I please see your FMO card?" "I don't have it, oh god, it's in the bedroom but its expired." "Ma'am, ma'am, calm down please, if you do not have fire insurance, we cannot help you, you will have to call someone else or deal with this yourself." Sounds like a little slice of heaven to me. If it weren't for this SOCIALIST movement sweeping the nation, it could be like this. My house has never burned down. Why should I pay for firemen? It's ridiculous.

Look, people, I think my point is pretty clear. When it comes to health and well being of yourself and property, why should you pay to protect other people? I mean, come on, you work hard to fend for yourself, why can't they? Am I right? Now let's cut out this bullshit and get things going in the right direction.

As long as I don't get laid off in the next year, I mean.

I cannot for the life of me figure out why people are always trying to get out of jury duty. In my case, at least, I'd always reveled in my ability to skirt my civic duty but only because everyone else was doing the same thing. When I finally stopped to think about it, I realized that jury duty is awesome. And if you're on the bottom rung of a totem pole, not sacrificing your salary, then it's like paid vacation. I was determined right from the beginning to get seated on a jury and campaign to be the foreman.

So you get there and walk into a huge auditorium with thousands of others. And you take an oath and watch and orientation video and then you take a nap. It's supposed to be a cross section of the population and I found it hilariously interesting how true that was. There was just every walk of life in that room. Prime people watching. If you're a people watcher like me, try to get summoned, it was heaven. Everyone has a juror number, mine was #1133. And they call you in groups by your number. So 1-400 go to the fifth floor. But that doesn't mean 400 people are going because only 25% of people answer their jury summons. So I finally got called and I was excited because it was a criminal court -- longer trials.

Then you go upstairs and wait some more. And they're reading through my information card -- age, sex, race -- and compiling a list of 65 out of the 100 or more who are waiting. And the lucky 65 get a clip board with a questionnaire. So I got one. And up to this point is been pure luck, but here's my first real audition. So I start filling out the questions and I think it asked what do you think of the judicial system, what do you think of cops, prosecutors, defense attorneys. And I'm just saying the most bland vanilla things I can. I think it's good, they're good, I have no strong opinion. I answered NO to every single other question that asked if I had been the victim of a crime, known someone who had, had any experience in life that may bias me one way or the other.

And then its into a room for questioning from both the sides. They each get to strike 10 people from being on the jury. So they're trying to find the 10 most opinionated or stupid people by asking pointed questions. The prosecutor asked, "If a bank is robbed but only one person has a gun should everyone involved be charged with armed robbery?" Some people said yes, some people said no. Yours truly said "Well that would depend heavily on the evidence presented. If everyone knew about the gun and it was part of the plan, then yes, but if one guy deviated from the plan and introduced a gun and it can be proven that the others had no prior knowledge, then I would say no." Then the defense attorney got up. He asked me, "What is a reasonable doubt." And I struggled. So he said, "Let me put it this way, if certainty is 100%, what percentage is reasonable doubt?" And I said, "Well, I think maybe the answer you're getting at is 99%? But I'm not sure that even makes sense to quantify that. It's going to rely on concrete evidence and witness testimony lining up in such a way that I'm personally convinced of the truth. But that is going to be unique for each person sitting in this room."

So I'm feeling pretty good. And it worked. I got onto the 12. I was so excited. And I showed up the next day ready to serve but instead all we did was sit in the jury room cracking jokes. 11 lively, funny, and energetic people joined me in this little room and we just had the time of our lives. Around lunch they brought us into the court room and said go home, he took a plea bargain. He had committed 5 robberies at gun point in a short span and had been caught basically red handed. So he was guilty. They were just using us as leverage to get him to take the plea. Afterwards I asked the prosecutor what it was that got us all selected. And she said "Well, it's really a deselection process. None of you said anything to get you deselected." And she pointed out a few examples of things people had said that made them seem impartial. And she added, "And you, Mr. Fisher. Well, you didn't say ANYTHING that offended ANYONE so you were in like flint." Score.

So I was disappointed to not sit through a long and interesting trial. But I suppose justice was served. I can't wait for my next summons. I'm checking for it daily.

A really strong weekend has put me over the halfway mark just as we round out the second week of Febrehabruarv. I actually felt really strong today so I went nearly 5 miles. I'm starting to think I could actually pull this off. A few more days like the past three and I'll damn near be there. I haven't decided yet if I'll just quit as soon as I reach 100 or if I'll keep going every day to see how far I can go. One thing is for sure, I'm going to take a well deserved break from running in March. But my hope is that, like the Veganism of Febrehabruariii, this will remain a moderate part of my life going forward.

The thing that strikes me as kind of odd about this year is how much harder its been to give up the cigarettes than usual. And I hardly ever smoke. But I think maybe that's why my body isn't quite convinced yet that it's not getting any nicotine. I have been known to go a week without smoking in a regularly month, so I think reducing my habit has actually made kicking it completely. Maybe its because I only smoke when I really want to, so it's always really good. Who knows.

I had this dream the other night that I was in a restaurant and went to use the bathroom. And you know how sometimes now there are TV screens above the urinal? And you know how you go to Dave & Busters and they have like 8 race car games lined up and you can race other people? Okay, now put those two ideas together. Only the controls for the racing game were on the urinal and wherever you peed was which way you steered. And I was racing against the other people at the other urinals. I think this could be a multi-million dollar idea. Don't steal it.

Not a whole lot else to report. Had a grood Valentine's Day. Our dear friend, Hudler, should be getting back from his Mexican wedding soon. I should call him tomorrow and see how everything went. I wish I could have gone. Oh well. See you all in a few more miles!

I'm not sure I fully appreciated just how much 4 miles is when you're tasked with doing it every day. To run for an hour after a full day of work just isn't going to be possible every damn day. I had factored in 3 days off, but now I know I can't afford to take them. So what I've done a couple days is just running 2.5 miles or so and calling it quits. But I know that every time I do that, I'm just adding to what I'm going to have to do at the end of the month. And I do not want to be running a marathon the last day and killing myself.

It doesn't help that I was just scheduled to go to Alabama for work for a day next week. But that one day of work will cost me two days of running. I can only hope that the hotel they put me up in has an workout room. If it doesn't, then I'll be forced to take two days off and totally screw my average. So I've already factored those into the spreadsheet tracking my progress and telling me how far to go each day.

My legs are so exhausted and sore. They can't seem to catch a break. And strangely, my back and shoulders get sore from it too. I never thought that would happen. But it's not all bad news. I have been sleeping like an absolute fucking rock ever since this started. I get my regular 8 hours on the dot, but I'm unable to wake up when the alarm goes off because I was in such a deep slumber. And I haven't lost a pound yet because this running thing is such an appetite stimulator. I get really hungry even when I'm not running, which I'm hoping is a sign that my metabolism is getting a kick in the ass from this. Ultimately, I hope it to be a much more permanent form of weight loss as opposed to say, oh I don't know, drinking nothing but lemonade for days at a time. But right now the finish line seems awfully far away, and all I can do is run a few more miles today.

Do any of you use Pandora? Just go to www.pandora.com, tell it an artist you like and it'll play songs by them. Then it'll get clever and play something similar to that. And you just say yes I like it, or no I don't like that, and the more you listen to it, the more it gets to know your musical tastes. Only, they've employed some new algorithm that actually works. People have tried this in the past and always failed miserably, but Pandora is pretty damn impressive. Right now I have two radio stations that I created. One called "Chill Radio" and one called "Slightly More Upbeat Radio." And they both rock, and continue getting better. Go check it out.

In the grand Sidesho tradition of immensely time consuming projects I will never finish sprinkled with a light dusting of masochism, I have decided to pluck my beard.

It's an idea that I've toyed with for about a decade now but have never made any significant attempt to complete. It started out this time as an attempt to clean up my lower lip where my dark red beard becomes outlined by hundreds of translucent blonde baby hairs. It was too hard to get a razor in there without risking irrepairably damaging my beard, so I just plucked them. And then I cleaned up all the edges. And then extended them down a little so I'd have a good line down to my jaw. And then I realized weeks later that the skin was still completely smooth.

So I thought, why not keep going. I've decided to do 30 hairs a night. 10 from the mustache, 20 from elsewhere. All while trying to keep it as even as possible. Judging by estimates on the internet, this should take me around 150 days to accomplish. And I'll have to keep up maintenance as I go. The pain is moderate at best. My biggest fear is doing damage to my face with ingrown hairs and whatnot, and permanently debilitating my ability to grow facial hair. That, and one I get down toward the end, will I just have a scraggly nasty prepubescent stache?

Anyway, this'll probably fizzle out after about a week, I'll shave like normal, and my hair will grow back like normal a couple cycles later and that will be that. But I thought it worth mentioning. Has anybody else ever tried anything like this? Is it insanity ... or is it brilliant?

My website is being overrun with spam comments. Fucking robots. Can't trust em. I'm not quite sure how it happens, but I know that the only way to solve the problem is to delete all of the comments and then not allow anymore to be posted. So, sorry about that. I just deleted over 250 spam comments each a page long, one at a time. So while I know you were all dying to add your two cents to the mix, you'll just have to do so while the gettins still good. But if you wanted to help, you could do me and this spamming robot a favor and go google Harry Potter, premature ejaculation, struggling women, and homemade porn. That way they won't need my site to advertise on.

In other news, I've made a decision. I've decided to vote. I found out that you can vote early at a host of locations all around the county. And if you've got your voter registration card then you don't need anything else. I still have no idea why we can't just vote online and use pure popular vote to elect a president, but whatever. And I still don't think it matters if you vote or not and I especially don't think it matters in Texas, but as long as they're trying to make it easy for me, I'll play along.

But it's kind of like when I decide to quit smoking, I don't turn into a non-smoker. One of those people who cover their mouths and cough just because they're within earshot of someone enjoying a cigarette, not because they're within noseshot of the smoke. Much like that, I promise that just because I decided to quit being a non-voter, I won't turn into a Voter. Those people who are like, "BLAUGH HOW CAN YOU NOT VOTE SHAME ON YOU!" I hate those people. I'm so distracted. We're watching True Blood on HBO and its ... just ... terrible.

Last week the Snoring Center called me and asked me if I would come into the office for an interview. They didn't really have a chance to explain before I blurted out, "I'll do it!" So the next day I showed up ready to espouse the virtues of sleep medicine to whatever news agency found the story worthy. Turns out its some show that might air on MSNBC and is hosted by Hugh Downs! How fun. I still need to email the guy to find out when/if it will air and he also said he would send me a DVD. So cool. I probably look/sound like a douche, but at least I sound like a total douche ... ON TV!

In other news, I bought a new pair of everyday jeans. If you don't know this about me, I wear the same pair of jeans every day of my life. They're not so much a garment as they are my purse. And I can't be transferring everything I carry around on a daily basis every day just because I'm switching pants. I'm really keen on Levis since they're more solid colored, and less faded/shredded than more fashionable, more expensive, and less durable brands. But I will tell you this. Levis last for exactly 365 wears. It's happened twice in a row now that my every day jeans wear out almost exactly one year from the day I bought them. This newest pair I don't actually have yet because they're being tailored at the moment. I've never had a pair of jeans tailored before so I'm really hopeful that they'll be my best pair yet. Here's to '09!

I also bought myself a motorcycle jacket. It's black and mesh and armored all over. It felt kind of weird at first but now I really like it. It will save me from breaking elbows and shoulders, but more importantly from requiring skin grafts should I need to go into a controlled slide to avoid an accident. I can't wait to try it out.

I also bought myself a new cell phone. I was on a random spending spree this week. I had a little extra money in the ol' bank account and despite a matching amount of extra debt in the ol' credit account, I considered it a bonus to be spent frivolously. But it was all stuff that I needed. My phone was like 4 years old and it was time for me to join the millenium. So I got a Shadow slider phone that runs Windows mobile. It's so cool. I am so far behind on technology so I'm not even going to brag about features it has that you had years ago, but trust me, it's cool.

So pretty good week for me. Hope you sluts had a good one. Catch you on the flip side.

I just got back from my first workout at my new gym. It's the newest addition to the Circle and it is probably the best gym ever. For a long time I was at Lifetime. I liked the marble floors and waterfalls. And I also liked that every member of the gym was a fat old man, so I had, like, the best body of anybody there. But ultimately the $54 a month got to be too much and I opted for the $0 a month Addison Parks & Rec gym. It's pretty nice, and definitely worth the price, but the lack of free weights I think has severely hindered me from obtaining a real Osteo Biflex body.

So when the gym here got bought out and remodled I decided to give it another try. I'd toured it once before and it didn't have any amenities significantly better than the ones I already had. All that has changed though. The machines that they have are all brand new and like top of the line, state of the art. Every piece of the leg lift machine adjusts. And I hate to sound like a commercial for this machine, but I really felt it targeting the muscles. I was also able to do way more weight. Presumably because I wasn't struggling against an un-oiled bar and sticky belt. So I was totally impressed there. Plus a full line of free weights to kick it up a notch.

But the best part ... I forgot about her face! That's the best part! ... is the cardio equipment. I can't even tell you. Every piece of equipment has it's own TV. And those TVs have FULL CABLE. I was watching the Food Network (I forgot my headphones so I was able to stomach Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee ... hey, wow you poured store bought pie filling into a store bought pie crust. I wanna fuckin' watch that) and before I knew it 20 minutes had gone by when I'd only intended to do a 5 minute warm up. Yes, this could be the difference between Fat David and Marginally Fat David. I no longer have to choose between American Idol and working out. The gym is so close I could even run there during a commercial and not miss a beat -- another major plus. It's so hard to motivate myself to get BACK into the car to fight traffic the OTHER way I just came from as soon as I get home. Now I can just walk.

Man, I can't say enough good things about this gym. But don't join it. Because I don't want it to get crowded. Thanks.

Miles per gallon is out. Miles per dollar is in. It's really pretty irrelevant how far you can go on a tank of gas, because all anybody ever does is use that number to try and figure out how much it's going to cost them to get somewhere. Instead we should all be talking in MPD.

In my perfect world, when the metal from the nozzle at the gas pump contacts the metal surrounding your tank, it acts as a datalink to upload to your car the price of the gas. Then you hit a button on your dash and it can show you in real time what your current MPD is. Well in lieu of that, I've done the next best thing -- an Excel spreadsheet. Yay! And since I'm not super interested in my car, I'm just going to keep track of the Vespa. I'm dangerously near riding it to work every day.

My coworker rode his massive $20k Harley Davidson motorcycle over here on Tuesday and we went to a parking lot where he taught me how to ride a motorcycle. From the conversations at work we'd had, he could tell I was pretty clueless about motorcycles, manual transmissions, clutches, engines, throttles ... the list goes on. So we went to a parking lot near here. He stood in the middle and I rode circles around him. And each time he would give me a different assignment. Give it no gas, but let the clutch out slowly. Give it no gas and let the clutch out fast. Give it a little gas, a little clutch. You get the point. He was trying to help me figure out the role of each. And I think it really, really helped.

My problem was that I couldn't get going fast enough. People got impatient as I went from first gear, to neutral accidentally, back to first, hit the brakes, stalled out, went to second, and then 10 minutes later was going 30mph. But I think that's fixed. I just took the ol' girl out to get some gas and purposely picked a gas station that is a few 45mph road blocks away from here. And I did superb. A guy at the pump complimented my scooter and we talked about gas mileage. And that is what spawned this entire blog.

Now, I'll grant you that the Vespa came with a complimentary tank of gas upon purchase, so my numbers are going to be a little skewed as to the performance of the motor (although accurate in real life). But I have gone 67 miles so far. And I've spent $2.12. That gives us a grand total of 31.6 MPD and $0.03 DPM. Oh my g*d, I love being green. Calculate your own MPD and post it.

I am so excited. My other big purchase finally arrived -- Kinoki Foot Pads! You have seen the commercials where people put these pads on their feet while they sleep and then they wake up freed of the heavy metal toxins they've been living with and then jog through the park in tank tops and hot pants. I can't wait to be that guy. You put them on and they're supposed to come off in the morning like jet black from all the stuff that's been pulled through the soles of your feet via ancient Chinese reflexology. And the more you use them the lighter and lighter they get because there are less and less toxins in your body. So I was completely prepared for the pads to be numbered night 1 through night 14 and you had to wear them in order to achieve this bullshit, but they're not numbered, ergo, they must actually work.

It's such a relief after I failed to complete the Master Cleanse. I have so many toxins and free radicals just pulsing through my veins. It'll be good to get them out through my calloused feet. Part of me knows they must be bullshit, but that smaller, more entertaining part of my psyche says it's worth a shot. I might even take pictures of them each night to see if they get lighter and lighter. Although really you can either alternate feet each night or wear them both every other night. I think I'd rather wear two at a time. Double the toxin hoover.

This is part of my resolution to buy more shit off the TV and I can't wait to report back to you with the results. Any ideas about what I should buy off the TV next? I'd LOVE to hear them.

I officially got in trouble for parking my Vespa indoors. I would have thought the exhaust fumes and gas vapors would be the reason, but it turns out they consider it a fire hazard. Who woulda knew? I got a less than friendly call from the parking people. But really it's only halfway my fault. They wouldn't give me permission to park in the garage over the weekend and then on Monday told me to park in a motorcycle spot ... and there are none. But we finally got it all worked out now and I can park wherever I want, just not inside.

I'm getting a little better at riding. I started out just practicing in a parking lot near my apartment and then graduated to the 30mph roads around the neighborhood. I've gotten brave a couple of times and gone out on major streets during low traffic times. My real problem is accelerating from a stop. I'm not very fluid with the gears so it takes me a little while to get up to 40mph and by then cars are honking and going around. But luckily I don't care. I think if I can ride it a lot this weekend and a little each day next week I might be ready to ride it to work every day. I definitely want to, I'm just not confident enough yet.

One of my favorite things about riding it is that I get respect from big Harley hog motorcycle riders. They all wave to me when I pass them on the street. I don't know why I find that as hilarious as I do but it's nice to get my propers. I have some friends from work coming over tomorrow to test her out and that'll be good for me because it's kind of boring to just practice riding, but when you're taking turns it's pretty fun. I'll keep you all posted on my progress.

Another Febrehab for the annals. Although, it's basically still going on. I had one glass of wine with dinner the other night, but other than that I haven't had anything to drink. And I still haven't smoked any. I think I'm going to do something this Friday to get back into the swing of things. Perhaps Hooters?

I don't want to get too drunk, though because Saturday afternoon, I'm going to look at and possibly buy a Vespa. It is time for me to start riding a scooter that gets 100mpg to work and back. I can't see any flaws with this plan. If they have the exact one I want, I'm going to snag it. But if there are some hangups like needing a license or a parking pass or things like that, then I might just figure out which one I want and then go back the next weekend and get it.

Are you watching American Idol this season? This is the first time that I've watched every episode and I'm totally hooked. But ... if they don't get rid of Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul, I won't be watching it next season. There is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON for those two to be there. They both say the exact same thing about every singer every round. Randy Jackson says, "Aight, dawg, so hey, check it out. I thought that was good. It started out a little rough, a few pitch problems here and there, but you pulled it out at the end. It was good. Yeah." Then Paula chimes in and says, "Yes, yes, yes, I loved it, I love you, I want ... who ... let's give a hand ... all the ... do a ... job and ... I loved it." Then Simon tells the truth, or an honest assessment of the performance with a few constructive criticisms and the entire audience boos. I hate that so much.

They could definitely pare it down to just Simon and vastly improve on the format of the show. But until then, I guess I'll just shut up and keep watching. At least as long as Danny Noriega and David Archuleta are still in.

First off, I am still alive. I didn't starve myself to death. Secondly, the Master Cleanse is over. I couldn't do it any more. Things just kept getting worse. The hunger I could deal with, no problem. But I was also cold all day every day. And sweating. And my stomach hurt like I was throwing up all the time. And then on the sixth day, severe heartburn showed up. I've only ever had heartburn while sleeping or laying down, but this was just all day while I was working. That's when my resolve finally crumbled. I came home and had a glass of mango juice. Valentine's Day we went to see Jumper and I had 6 pieces of popcorn. And then a Clif bar and a protein shake later that night. And my stomach went crazy. It's been really difficult transitioning back into food. I can eat like a fourth of what I normally would before I'm uncomfortably full. So that's good. And I'm down to 155 lbs for the first time in years and years, so that's also good. But other than that, I got zero benefit from cleansing my body of imaginary toxins. Perhaps my attitude kept me from feeling good, but I really believe that the human body is perfectly adept at removing "toxins" on it's own without the help of extreme amounts of lemon juice. I do believe some of what the Master Cleanse talks about with the over-medicating of America and how a balanced diet of raw fruits and vegetables is likely the solution to a larger percentage of problems than we care to admit. That putting the right things into your body will prevent sickness and promote healthy weightloss and energy. But then at the same time, I couldn't reconcile that with only putting syrup and lemons in. Seemed counter productive. So I quit. And I already decided that Febrehabruarv will be less demanding. It'll be more like Febrehabruarii when I spent all my extra money on fine dining experiences. Now, contrary to everything I've just said, I think I'm gonna go buy some Kinoki pads and see if they can remove some toxins out the soles of my feet!

Today I came dangerously close to giving up. I have been near starvation for almost 4 days now. The reprieve I keep hoping for is not coming. I read that the first ten days are the worst and I think to myself, there's no way I can do this for ten days. I can't drink any more laxative tea or guzzle salt water at 7am any more. Any time I try to see the finish line, it is so far off that it feels hopeless. I try to just take it one day, one hour, one more commercial break at a time, but I have to admit... my will power is fading. The fact that my misery is self inflicted and could end, well, whenever I want, makes it that much harder to keep going. I called Matt Creech for some advice. Really, I called to ask him if he thought it would hurt me inside if I ate solid food after only four days of cleansing. After ten days, you should gradually reintroduce solid food, but I thought maybe after four days, I could just have a bowl of cereal and quit this whole insanity. But he reminded me that I'm not supposed to be hungry. If I'm hungry, I can drink more lemonade. And if that doesn't work, I can make some super lemonade with extra syrup. So I went to the kitchen and made myself a few glasses of extra strength lemonade. And I drank them. And the cramp in my stomach went away, my headache went away, my heart palpatations went away. All of this for the first time in four days. So I've decided to keep going. I'm not going to lie to you. I can't guarantee a victory on this one. Two weeks was a lofty fucking goal. Ten days would be respectable, but even that seems so far away. For now, I've decided to go one more day. And that is really all I can do. But, I am going to give myself a break and not drink the tea tonight. I was up at 3am involuntarily because of that stuff and I could really use a good nights sleep. Hopefully Josh is right. (Pretty Eyes Josh, not Pretty Sure Josh) Hopefully day five will be that downward slope I've been looking for. Wish me luck.

Man, almost a whole week has gone by and I haven't had a single craving for meat, booze, or cigarettes. What a complete let down. Febrehab is all about the masochism and this year it's been completely lacking. Although I gradually transitioned out of veganism into Taco Cabana last year, I still have kept many of my favorite vegan meals in the regular rotation. So when February rolled around this year, I just bought all the ingredients for all of those and noticed very little transition into the clean and wholesome.

But all of that is about to change.

I had to delay my master cleanse by one day so that the first day would fall on a Saturday. The logistics of mandatory meetings at work and stuff just didn't fit in with the cleanse. So I'm still doing it for 2 weeks, just shifted back a day. I cannot wait. I am all set up. I bought a scale today that measures weight, body fat percentage, body water percentage, muscle mass, BMI, and basal metabolic rate. It's pretty sweet. And naturally, I built a sweet spreadsheet to track everything. Then I set up the tripod in the other room so I can take daily pictures during the cleanse. If I lose like 20 lbs, then I can put the pictures together into an animated gif that shows me wasting away. I also bought myself this ridiculously massive thermos to carry around my lemonade concoction all day. I am so psyched. Everyone keeps asking me what would happen if.... What happens if I get hungry or sick or invited to dinner. They don't realize the extent I will go to.

I'm going to try to post more during the cleanse because that's interesting. So far the Febrehab has been boring. But, more on that, after this....

Today is the day I finally cut my rat tail off. I've been growing it for quite some time and it is understandably out of control. I took a picture of it last night just for documentation purposes and maybe I'll post it here sometime when I'm not so lazy. I am also going platinum today. I haven't dyed my hair in so long and I just can't wait. The hairstyle I'm going for is WWII chic. I want to look like I'm about to be shipped off to Normandy.

In other news, finishing touches on the bar began last night. All of the oak is stained and shoelocked and ready to go. Turns out oak is incredibly hard to get nails or screws through. Total pain in the ass. But we managed to get the trim and the first panel up. It looks fantastic. When it's all together I have every confidence that it'll be breathtaking. Toot! Toot!

Not much time to work on it today with my haircut and two parties to go to. The first one is whirlyball. If I remember from 6th grade correctly, its a game where there are two teams on a basketball court. Everyone has a little scoop that you can use to scoop up and fling a whiffle ball. And the objective is to hit a hoopless basketball backboard inside the square to earn points. Oh wait, did I mention the whole time you're in a hard to control bumper car? Cause that's kind of important. Then it's off to celebrate Katie turning 21. All these kids are growing up so fast.

And in final news, I've been thinking already about Febrehabruariv. I'm going to give up drinking and smoking and go vegan again. But I've been brainstorming ways to make it more difficult. It defeats the purpose somewhat if it's easy. I toyed with the idea of giving up driving. The bus stop is relatively close to my apartment but SO FAR from my office. It would certainly be a massive challenge. Maybe a tad too much. I will probably give up caffeine in any form now that I don't really need it to survive. But also for the middle two weeks, I'm going to do a master cleanse. Some of you may have heard me talk about it after Creech introduced me to the concept. It's not so much that I think it's a great idea, although I am 100% intrigued by testimonials on the internet, but more that I think it would be HARD to do. Essentially the only thing you ingest for two weeks is this mixture of water, lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. You should google "master cleanse" to read more about it. It's insane. But people on the internet and Creech swear by it. So I think I'll do it.

Let me know if you want to play along. Ha!

Last month, I finally paid off my mattress. It took a while, but at $100 a month, I managed to pay it off within the no interest period. So it's kind of like free money. I've been obsessing a tad over money. I feel like I finally mastered saving the stuff, since around 40% of everything I earn goes into savings of one type or another. Now I just need to figure out how to make money money make money money make. My 4.5% APY ING account, while a good place to stash cash for a rainy day, isn't exactly douching me with dividends.

I decided to take that $100 a month that I've freed up and instead of buying beer with it, like my original plan, I thought I'd invest it in the stock market. If I royally fuck up and lose $100 dollars a month, no big deal. So I did some research and decided to go with the advice I read on MSN money. I'm actually investing in 5 different ETFs. I don't know exactly what they are, but they are representative of larger categories of investment strategies, so I think someone is paid around 20 times what I am to decide what stocks to buy and sell each day to make sure my meager slice of the pie grows. So I'm investing in 33% US stocks (VTI), 25% foreign stocks (EFA), 17% US bonds (AGG), 17% real estate (IYR), and 8% commodities (IYM).

It costs me $4 to make a purchase, so to keep my costs down and returns high, instead of splitting my monthly investments five ways, I'm making one $100 purchase each month. And I just try to keep those five categories at that allocation at all times. It forces discipline in not always dumping money into whatever's hot at the moment, but truly diversifying for a long term goal.

I don't totally understand any of this, but all I know is that I put $100 into the Vanguard Total Stock Market VIPER (VTI) (US Stocks). I'm factoring in my broker's charge into my returns, so no net gain yet, but if you think about it as an actual investment of $96, then the current value of $98.63 for my portfolio isn't bad. That's around a 3% return, which if I'm remembering economics correctly equates to a 36% APR. Is that right? If it is that kicks ass. And I need to stop saving so much and start investing more.

If anybody would like to play along, I think you have all the information that I got from MSN Money. Just pop over to sharebuilder.com and get started. I'm really having fun pretending like I'm totally vested in how the market goes every day. It's a good little hobby, and hopefully with a little time, it'll grow to dollar amounts that I feel uncomfortable discussing on a public forum.

I'm going to Mexico tomorrow for 5 days with my entire family. I'm really excited. We're staying in this all inclusive place in Playa del Carmen. I probably won't take my camera since I most likely won't take any pictures, but everyone else should be snapping away like crazy so I should have more than enough proof of my trip.

That should prove to be a nice vacation from work and a great long weekend. Then it won't be long until Kaboomtown and my birthday that I've conveniently combined for myself into another 5 day weekend. Yay, I love the summer.

Not a whole lot other than that to report. But I would like to mention that after just over 600 games of Spider Solitaire at work, my win rate peaked today at a record 19%. That's nearly 1 out of every 5 games won on the difficult 4-suit level, of course. Does anybody have me beat?

I had a really fun weekend. First, our dear friend AsH was in town from Boston. She came in town to take her grandmother to the symphony and to catch up with some old friends. We got a crew together Friday night and took her out on the town. After a few drinks at the Hotel Belmont, we ended up at S4 dancing the night away. After we got home, a few of us killed the remains of an ancient bottle of cheap tequila. Bad idea. My forehead hurt the next day from hitting it on the toilet repeatedly the night before. Needless to say we were all hung the fuck over.

Disaster! My friend Brandon finally had a weekend off to come see me. When he got here, he was upset by how much we were all hurting. I figured if I could get in a quick nap while he went to the mall alone that I'd be geared up for another all-nighter. But I was wrong. In the end, it just wasn't possible for me to do anything but remain low key. The next day, I tried to redeem myself by taking him out to Ruby Tuesday for crab cakes with "nearly no cake" and a triple prime burger that "eats like steak, but cuts like butter." Oh my g*d, if you've never been you need to go. I am the worst vegan ever, but I'm not sorry. It was so delicious.

When we got home, I wanted to show Brandon around Addison! Circle because he'd never been here. When we got to the Water Tower Theatre, there were shit tons of people and booths all over. It was this Earth Day/Wellness Expo. We walked around looking at healing crystals, learning about acupuncture, and trying different vitamin fortified juices. There were also several drawings going on. One of them was from the Laser Center of America, a laser hair removal/skin rejuvination company. We entered a drawing for $1500, $500, and $300 dollar prizes. AND I WON! Holy crap. I got the third place prize worth $300.

Now, I'm no fool. I'm well aware -- despite the fact that they refuse to even ballpark how much it could possibly cost without a face-to-face consultation -- that you can't remove a single hair from your body for less than a cool grand. I had this inkling that my "prize" was really an invitation to spend hundreds of dollars on something I didn't want. But, in true Sidesho fashion, I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt and go check it out. At the very least, I figured, I'd end up with a blog worthy story. I looked up their website online to find directions to the office and my suspicions grew even more as I read, "Click here to receive $300 off your next procedure!" Fuck, if all I had to do was click, then I really didn't win a g*d damn thing. So off I went.

When I got there I filled out a bunch of paperwork and then I walked back to the consultation room. She asked if I had any unwanted body hair and I said, "Not really, no." And she asked if I had any issues with my skin and I said, "Not really, no." This chick procedes to talk at lightning speed about all the different procedures they have and how microdermabrasions are an absolute must for everyone. I threw her a bone by asking how much it would cost to laser my armpit hair away since I have and always will shave my armpits. She honored my $300 winnings, DOUBLED it even, and I was left with a $1200 dollar price tag and a 2 and a half to 3 year commitment. For only my armpit hair. I couldn't help but laugh at her. I was like, "No way." Her best pitch of the day, by far, was when she said, "Now David, if you plan on shaving your underarms for the rest of your life, this procedure will more than pay for itself in the cost of razors alone." Ha fucking ha, what kind of razors do you think I'm using, lady?

I asked her if they had any procedures for under $300 since, let's be honest, I was only there to redeem my prize. The microdermabrasion is only $139 a treatment. So I said, "Great, I'll take two." "Oooh, sorry, our smallest package is five." I knew I was wasting her time, but I didn't feel bad since I'm pretty sure she knew she was wasting mine. So I promised her that if I ever got serious about lasering my pits that she would be the first to know. I thanked her for all of the rapid information, laughed at her again, and excused myself from the office.

So here you find me, in all my naturally hairy glory having missed the opportunity to save myself the financial burden of a lifetime of buying an electric razor once every 15 years. Even though she said the offer was only good during the consultation, when I refused she changed her tune and said she would honor it until the end of the month. Which means, I could definitely change my mind and go back.

But let's be honest. There's no fucking way that's going to happen. Suck my hairy balls, Laser Center of America!

Not too much to report here. Looks like that Jonny fellow has attacked my website again, so you'll find the comments disabled temporarily for any post that was on the front page at the time. At least this time it doesn't redirect you anywhere. I'll get that cleaned up for your soon, but that's a timely process and I don't feel like doing it right now.

Veganism is going well. Sober and smoke free are not even an issue for me these days. Veganism is challenging at times, but rewarding. I had a dream last night that I ate a whole bag of Cheetos without realizing it. I can't have those in real life because they have cheese in them. A bastardized version of cheese, but a derivative somehow of milk nonetheless. My weight loss is ... well, negative. I've actually gained like a pound. I'm not sure how that's happening since I've removed around 100 grams of saturated fat daily from my diet. I have been using fatty avacados and nuts as a crutch to help me achieve the old familiar feeling of full. But even so, those are "good fats" and I wasn't going hog wild with them or anything. I'm going to try and concentrate my efforts on vegetables. I've slipped a little bit and have been eating a lot of fruit. Which is good for you, don't get me wrong, but vegetables are better. Less sugars. So I can't fathom that I could possibly go a whole month without any weight loss. If I rededicate myself to a majority of raw vegetables and keep active, I'm sure I'll meet my goal. Although at this point, it would be physically impossible to do so by the end of February. So you know what they say...

Hello, Marehabch!

I never thought I would say it. Really and truly, I thought that Febrehabruariii would be the end-all be-all of self-inflicted torture. But I have to admit...

I fuckin love being a vegan.

I was scared that all I would be eating for a month would be celery and carrots. In fact, I bought a massive bag of celery and carrots that is starting to wilt now. By cutting out meats and dairy, I have found a bounty of other foods to eat. Like ... I bought a bunch of roasted almonds and put them in a dish in my kitchen and I snack on them. I'd never eaten an almond before. Not straight up at least. Or my dried apricots. They're better than gummy fruit snacks and so much healthier. I bought a mango last night and after 20 minutes figuring out how to open it up, it was so good. I also got some mango sorbet. I could eat that shit all day. Oh, and I want to thank my good friend JonSteed for making sure that i tried humus. It is my new favorite food. I got some at Whole Foods that is tomato basil, kalmato olive, and spinach artichoke. They are all delish. Especially with some alfalfa sprouts sprinkled on top of every bite. Tonight I think I'm going to have some portobello mushroom soup. I can't even begin to tell you how much fun eating has become.

And I have to admit, I feel great. Sure, sure no drinking and smoking has something to do with that, but I really think my diet is the biggest change. And I've lost 3 pounds so far. So I think I'll be able to meet my goal of 150lbs by the end of the month. As a bonus for you all, I took a "before" picture so we can all compare the results when this is all finished. If today were March 1st, though, I would not be having a drink, a smoke, or a cow.

Who knows what culinary adventures lie ahead. I also bought a coconut, and I own a RonCo cleaver, so tonight I will either drink coconut milk or lose a hand. Wish me luck. Laaaaaaaaaaaate.

I have been doing my research prior to my Febrehabruariii vegan experiment. I was afraid that an absense of meat, eggs, cheese, and pigs' feet would leave me wanting for meal ideas. Turns out there are all kinds of vegan recipes available for me to try. More than I could possibly try in 28 days. And I found out that the only animal product that is in my Subway whole wheat bread is honey, and I'm not counting that because bees aren't cute. Plus, I think they, like, excrete honey, so it doesn't hurt them anyway if we just steal it when they aren't looking.

I am so geared up for this. I made some blueberry muffins last night. Instead of butter they had soy margarine and instead of eggs they had applesauce. Now, you all know I hate to toot my own horn, but ... these are the best muffins I've ever had in my life. I brought some to work so everyone else could try them and they all agreed. And they're not exactly open minded when it comes to food.

One more weekend to go and then it's time to buckle down and focus on the trek ahead. I have another twist for this year. I am going to lose 15 lbs. Instead of hoping that I do, I'm going to. If March 1st rolls around and I haven't achieved this goal, then Febrehabruariii continues. Although, I highly doubt that I will have any trouble with a total lack of beer and steak, but still. It is entirely possible this could go on indefinitely.

Who else is pretending to participate this year yet fully anticipating to stop after 2 or 3 days ... or their first urge for a drink or cigarette?

In Seattle, it is difficult to tell the homeless from the homeful. Stereotypes about early 90s grunge still dominating here are understatements. I've done my best to adapt by not shaving for 3 weeks, but I'm afraid that without a vintage hobo jacket, tattered Converse, and a pair of cords, no one will ever believe me.

This morning there was about 3 inches of snow accumulated on the ground. You could hardly tell where the curbs and the roads were. I was nervous about driving until I walked on it and there was a surprising amount of traction. My original plan to do a controlled 360 into a parking spot ala Undercover Brother was shot to hell. The weird thing was that by 9am, all the snow had melted. Some freak warm rain storm came through and melted ALL of it. And tonight it's supposed to be back in the 20s. I love talking about the weather.

While I was here I got to go have beers with Stuart. It was really fun. That guy hasn't changed at all except his hair isn't purple and he has no lip ring. I will hopefully see him again before I leave. His sister was visiting him or something and bogarting his time, but I think she left today.

Boy oh boy am I ever ready to get home. I've got a 6 cup tournament with Ryan and Todd scheduled for Saturday night. Daniel's going with me. Anybody else want to chance a trip to Arlington? Scary shit there.

Um, I just felt obliged to update. I really didn't have much to say.

Worst. Post. Ever.

It seems like such an appropriate time to be discussing freezing water with the shit falling from the sky right now. Not that I can complain, though. They shut down my office 3 hours early today so that we could all get home safely. So that's where I find myself ... heat on full blast, Food Network blazing.

I checked on my sub-zero salt water when I got home. The results were ... encouraging. I can't really say that it failed because the water was unable to freeze solid. It was a really liquidy slushy consistency. It could probably work really well to cool a beer. I was really hoping that it would be totally liquid, though. So I took my brother's advice and I've boiled the water and added the second half of a can of salt to it. I think it all dissolved. I'm letting it cool to room temperature before I put it back in the freezer. Let's hope he was right about hot water holding and then retaining more salt.

I will say this, though. I stuck my finger in the slush and it was painfully cold. As soon as I'm satisfied with the final recipe of salt water (I think I'm almost there: 1 part water to 1 part shit ton of salt) I will be using my digital thermometer to see how fast and how far I can cool a beer from room temperature. I think you're all going to want to go ahead and get your own bucket of salt water into the freezer.

Speaking of a beer.... I gotta go.

Normally the content on the sidebar of my webpage is disposable, but I think my review of Brokeback Mountain is probably one of the most popular things I've ever written -- certainly the most popular non-Hints from Heloise. So I wanted to kind of preserve it for all time here since it's time to update the Moooview Review.

Brokeback Mountain

Starring: Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstein of Gelderland and Donnie Darko

Rating: 0 out of 5 high altitude fucks

If you haven't seen Brokeback Mountain yet, perhaps you should not read my review because I'm going to divulge what happens in the beginning, middle, and end. Ready? NOTHING! Nothing happens. It is short meaningless scenes of uncomfortably slow nothingness punctuated by the exact same sad, acoustic guitar rift. Bling blang blang blang.

Critics are describing this movie as a moving and timeless love story for the ages. Am I the only one who noticed that the two characters never once said, "I love you?" Why not? Because there was no love, no romance, no dialogue, no plot. This wasn't a love story, this was a story about two cowboys who drank too much whiskey and ended up kissing and having frantic, disturbing, bareback, spit-shove sex. In short, if you went to A&M, you've seen this movie a hundred times.

In closing, I would like to offer you a suitable alternative to paying to see this piece of half-assed cinema riding the wave of "we gots us some gay characters hiiiiiii-ya!" Here's what you do. Read this next run-on sentence over and over and over again for the next three hours and you will have experienced Brokeback Mountain:

"I want to be with you, no wait I don't, I mean I do or no I don't, I don't know I'm so butch but I want to touch you I can't I will I won't."

I don't have a lot of time to write because I've been challenged by my coworker to a no-holds-barred, loser-buys-the-pitcher, night of bowling. But I couldn't wait any longer to share with you all what I consider the Top 1 reason to visit Manassas, VA.

If you ever find yourself in this fine town, make your way out to the Sweet Water Tavern. There you should order the pasta jambalaya. ANNNND... the Ghost Town Pumpkin Beer.

First off, it's a really good pumpkin beer. And I should know because I've had a lot of pumpkin beers. Well, not like a whole lot, but probably more than you, bitch. Anyway, this is the best part. The glass came with the rim dipped in graham cracker crumbs! Like a fucking pie crust. It was genius. So delicious.

As soon as I get home, I'm perfecting this on my own. Who wants to come to my pumpkin beer party?

Are you gellin'? I'm not tryin' sellin'. I'm just tellin' and spellin'. Sittin' in my dwellin' quellin' the smellin' shellin' words like Ben Jelen. No more swellin' and no more yellin'. I know this is quite compellin'. Rumors dispellin'. I'm excellin' at expellin' foretellin', propellin' rebellin', eatin' melon. So yeah, I'm gellin'.

Sorry about that. I just ruined every Dr. Scholl's commercial for the next 20 years. But seriously, I am gellin' and it is fantastic. My Steve Maddens that I wear every fucking day had gotten quite uncomfortable. There were holes worn straight through the insoles. No only are they hella comfortable now, but they look brand new on the inside. I'm a big fan. The only problem with Dr. Scholl's is that they're so thick that you have to tear out the existing insoles. That can be annoying and destructive but it's well worth it.

I have been trying to figure out lately why I'm always out of money and unable to save a dime. While I was running through some budgets and whatnot, I ran to the local car wash for a 200 dollar wash. My car has never been so clean. Not even on the day I bought it and then rode around legs outstretched in the backseat wrapped in ice and braces for the next 3 months. They like fucking detailed the inside of the trunk, I shit you not. They also waxed it with this MacGuire's stuff and the paint is like smoooooth now. It was so awesome. I highly recommend. Now who can loan me a dollar?

And speaking of saving money, I'm having my teeth whitened next week. Yay. Pretty soon here I need to make it down to Houston to meet my nephew, Will. I might do that not this weekend but the next. I'll keep you all posted. Laaaaaaaaaaate.

I don't get it. I had such a good feeling and it didn't pan out. Weird. Daniel still has a few numbers to check so maybe it'll still work out. You know, you buy one lottery ticket one time and you totally expect to win millions. Life sure is crazy, ain't it? *crooked smile, head shake, casual lean against shoulder height shelf*

So I guess I have to go to work tomorrow. But all the news today wasn't bad. I went to the sleep doctor to discuss the logistics of having a tonsillectomy. I really like the way they take a body part, add -ectomy, and define that as the removal of that body part. Anyway, a tonsillectomy is considered one of the most painful surgeries for adults. It can take like 3 weeks before your life returns to anything like normal. Uuuuuntil NOW!

My doctor said no removing of the tonsils until he gets his new machine. It's some laser that vaporizes tissue. So with a local anesthetic and 30 minutes they vaporize about 90% of the tonsil tissue. And, the healing time is one day. They give you Tylenol and tell you to go to work the next day. Infuckingcredible. So I'm going to be a guinea pig for him. It's going to be so awesome.

Blech, I want guacamole but I think I'll go to bed instead. Later sluts.

Today was the first day since surgery that was not worse than the day before. In fact, today was better than yesterday. I want to emphasize that point. I'm to the point now where it feels like I have a raging case of strep throat. So not feeling great, but managing what I consider to be a naturally occuring level of pain. It's really encouraging. I can make it through the day with Motrin and use hydrocodone in the evenings. I wake up periodically throughout the night in a great deal of pain, but gargling with salt water quiets it down.

The last hurdle I need to get over is eating. Swallowing in and of itself isn't truly that painful anymore, but the open sores in my mouth do dictate certain rules. Temperature is a big issue. Food can neither be cold nor hot. Room temperature is okay, lukewarm is better. Anything outside of an acceptable 3 degree range results in about a 10 minute attack. Food can also contain no salt, pepper, or spice of any kind. Tonight I made my mom's homemade mac 'n' cheese thinking that milk, cheese, and pasta couldn't possibly hurt. It was far too hot and salty. I had to chase every bite with a gulp of lukewarm water. It's resulted in me feeling quite bloated. Ouch. Oh yeah, burping hurts like hell.

On the upside, the past two days I have gotten up early with very little problem. I don't want to celebrate prematurely, but it seems like this procedure may have made a major improvement on my ability to sleep. Maybe. Hopefully. I hope.

Um mumumumum. I think that's all I have to say. I can't think of any products to place. Ummm, drink Johnny Walker Black. It's scrumptious. g*d, I can't wait until I can drink again. I'm bakin' cookies. Later sluts.

I just had a million dollar idea. I saw a preview for Final Destination III, so they might have already thought of this, they didn't make it very clear. But check this out. Choose Your Own Adventure DVDs. How cool would that be? They could film all these different scenarios and you could watch the same movie over and over again. Remember those books? g*d they were cool.

My recovery is going well. I didn't really anticipate the levels of pain that I've had. It makes me weary to have my tonsils out. The irritation of the tissue has caused a sore throat something like strep. Hydrocodone has helped, but made my work attendance a little low. On the plus side though, breathing at night has been exponentially easier. I woke up this morning before my alarm clock feeling pretty good. I hesitate to say I'm cured because it could have been the unbearable pain that woke me up. Nothing a good hot shower didn't calm down. But it does make me hopeful about my sleeping, a feeling that is quite rare these days.

The other day I made myself a wish list. It's a list of everything I would like to purchase for myself. It is part of my new quest to not only own nice, new things, but also get rid of my crappy, old stuff. It includes everything from silverware to underwear and everything in between. So far I've managed to get two of the 8 new pillows I want and new drinking glasses. The total of the list is around 2,000 dollars, so it will probably take me a while to get it all, but that's half the fun. If anybody wants to get me a late birthday present, I can forward you a copy of the list. I don't have any product placement for you today, but I'll think of one for tomorrow. I am roasting a stuffed turkey right now in my new roasting pan with my new meat thermometer that I'm basting with my new baster, so I gotta run, but I'll keep you all update on the recovery. Laaaaaaaate.

Update: Did everyone hear that KaboomTown has been rescheduled for September? They were so disappointed that the fireworks show got rained out, that they've reinvested a bunch of money to make it bigger and better. That means KaboomTown gets a redo and our KaboomTown party gets a redo also! More importantly, another opportunity to have Kaboomcrown'n'cokes. (Not that we haven't been drinking them regularly ever since.) That leaves just one thing to say... KABOOM!

Sechs, sechs, sechs. Haha! That reminds me of when I was in German class and we had to do group work. We'd always come up with awesome group names. My personal favorite (go figure) was always Gruppe G6. If you pronounce it auf Deutsch, it sounds like "group gay sex." That's hot.

Anyway, so no rapture today. I was kind of disappointed. I've had a good run. No real festivities either. I'm thinking tonight I might go with Daniel to see The Omen. I don't know if I'll be able to handle a scary movie, but it just feels so appropriate. Plus, I like a good Antichrist as much as the next guy.

I had a most industrious night last night. Let me see if I can explain. I went to bed at a fairly reasonable hour. I put my two phones on their chargers, set my alarm, turned off the lamp and went to bed. This morning I woke up around 7:15, well before my alarm. That's pretty unusual for me. I looked up to see what time it was and my fucking clock was GONE! This might disturb any other schmoe, but it didn't really strike me as odd. I looked around to see where it had gone and found it in bed with me, unplugged. Also unplugged and laying on the bed were my two phones still attached to their chargers and my nightstand lamp. I also threw in the camera for good measure, but it wasn't plugged in. The best part of it is, all of this is well outside my arm's reach, so I had to have been up and out of bed unplugging shit and throwing it in the bed with me. I was pretty confused but I think it might have something to do with a phone call I missed around 3am. I bet I heard my phone buzzing, thought it was the alarm clock, probably tried hitting snooze a few times, and then decided to unplug everything. That's the best guess I can come up with anyway.

Fuck man, I know this sucks, but it does occasionally make life a little more entertaining!

I'm pretty sure I've used that title before, but I'm too lazy to check. Tonight I finally got around to filling my new subscription to Nexium, the little purple pill. They really are pretty. It's for acid reflux. I really don't think I have acid reflux, being as I never experience acid refluxing. But, my doctor seems to think the elongated uvula (yes, that's what this is about) may be a sign of night time acid regurgitation. They said it would be expected if it was longer in the morning and shrunk throughout the course of the day, because snoring can do that. But since it's just fucking long, and always is, I thought I'd give this a try. Creech confirmed for me tonight that the uvula is disturbingly long when viewed in person. So next time we hang out, ask me if you can see it. I do love showing it off.

I caught myself just short tonight of saying, "Man, ever since I started going to doctors, it seems like I take a lot more pills." Stoopid, I know. But it's true, dude. Sometimes I feel like a bit of a hypochondriac desperately trying to treat all these problems I may or may not have. My new philosophy though is, if it dudn't hurt, then I'll try it.

I spent most of the day today running around town with Creech. We met up with Kelly and Alexander for an evening of yachting. I think you'll all be pleased to know that my skills at driving a yacht have greatly increased. I finally learned how to negotiate the waves in front of you to keep the boat from jumping all over the place and causing bottles, flip-flops, and people to fly off the back. A little more practice should do the trick. That's why we're going back out tomorrow. I smell like the damn lake right now, I gotta take a shower. The water was so warm that we actually swam for a while. I dominated Kelly in a swimming race. I stiiiiilllllll got it.

Kelly told me they were gonna get some jet skis soon. I told her, "I am gonna drive that jet ski SO slow. Totally reasonable. You're gonna believe it!"

It's been a pretty good weekend thus far. Too bad it's almost over. I need a damn vacation. Nothing of the sorts on the horizon, so I'll just have to make [do? due?]. HA! I just said doodoo. Hilarious. Peace out, sluts!

And I can't ask for things to be still again. No, I can't ask if I could walk through the world in your eyes. Longing for home again, but home is a feeling I buried in you. I'm alright. I'm alright. It only hurts when I breathe.

Long nights lead to longer days. Last night was Taste Addison! I headed up to the roof of the parking garage to sneak a free view of the Hootie and the Blowfish concert. They were okay, but I only knew like 3 of their songs that they sang. I ended up polishing off more than my fair share of Kers Lat. I really haven't been drinking much lately, so I only meant to cut a little loose. I forgot that still raw emotions and excessive alcohol aren't always the smartest mix. I ended up saying things. I didn't necessarily not mean them, but I never mean to portray myself as angry or hurtful so I wasn't too happy with myself over that.

Today, I ended up waking up really early despite a screaming hangover. Later in the day, I went outside to smoke a cigarette and ran into Daniel and Miles. When Daniel left for work, Miles and I sat in the park in the sun and chain smoked and talked a lot. It was a really hard conversation to have. I didn't like anything that I said or that I heard, but it all needed to be said and heard. Honesty is the best policy, in every situation. I swear by it, but have not had that courtesy extended towards myself as of late, so we bypassed the kink in the communication and clarified a lot for each other. I don't know how this will end up, but I can tell you that however it does, it will be for the right reasons. It won't be based on a lack of information, a poor assumption, or another fucking lie.

When I got home the combination of a pretty bitching hangover, a few hours out in the sun, half a pack of cigarettes, and a stomach filled to capacity with nothing but water caught up with me. Having a really stressful conversation that had my stomach in knots didn't help too much either. I ended up throwing up. I fucking hate throwing up sober. It hurts. Then I took a long nap in my refrigerator of an apartment. I tried to take a hydrocodeine to alleviate some of the pain, but apparently it's only meant for physical pain. I spent the rest of the night with the lights off playing guitar until the gang showed up to chill for a little bit. I really like this Melissa Etheridge song, "Breathe."

I am alright, but it does hurt a lot. But I think I'll just keep breathing.

I am single again. Most you probably didn't even know I wasn't. I don't normally speak of personal things on my website, but I just want to say it once and then I don't want to talk about it anymore. After changing status four times in as many months, I am now single for good. Okay. Don't comment about it.

My uvula is up to its old tricks again. Instead of dangling in the breeze of my exhalations like a tiny stalagtite in my throat, it has decided to double or triple its length. It is now a slithering snake down the back of my throat when I swallow, encroaching upon my tongue when I do not. You know how when you try to take a pill without water and sometimes it gets stuck in the back of your throat before it goes down, and you have to run to the sink to get a drink before it drives you mad. Yeah, RIGHT there is where it's sitting. Have no fear, I'm gonna chop the fucker out. I don't like it. I don't want it. And I don't need it. So long uvula!

My dinner of dry boneless skinless chicken breasts and an ear of corn was fucking delicious. I just bought enough healthy groceries to last me longer than they'll last. Gotta love it. I'm actually not being facetious when I say that I totally enjoy chicken breasts and a handful of spinach for dinner. Not only do I think it's delicious, but it's doing wonders for how I feel and look. If I keep up this personal trainer set workout routine for like two months, you're not even going to recognize me. Except from the shirtless pics that I'll be posting on myspace. Wish me luck on that and I might let you lick me.

If I don't get my TV plugged in like now, I'm going to ... something something.

Like the late, great Albert Einstein once said, "I have a dream!" Last night, I fuckin had one.

Let me recap. On Tuesday morning, I went to see the ENT doctor that specializes in the Pillar Procedure. I had 3 small surgical foam pillars inserted into the soft pallate at the back of my throat. It was crazy. I got sprayed with some numbing stuff. Then I sucked on a sponge-sicle soaked in some kind of gooey anesthetic that ran down the back of my throat like ... syrup. Achem. Then, they injected me like 5 times with a needle full of the real anesthetic. Next came 3 huge, hollowed out needles with the pillars inside them. It was so freaky. I could feel every millimeter of them as they went in. I knew where they were and could tell that he was dead on where I thought they should be. But, I felt no pain.

After that ordeal was over, they sprayed some stuff up my nose. Then I got an epinepherin (sp?) shot in each nostril. They said it would cause my blood vessels to shrink limiting bleeding, but as a side effect, it acted like a huge adrenalin shot. My heart started racing and I started sweating. He said it was just my body's natural fight or flight mechanism kicking in. I almost flew. Once that took effect, he shined a laser up my nose and burned out tissue. I could smell it very well. Nasty. The next 30 minutes I spent sitting in the chair shaking waiting for the shots to wear off. And then, it was over.

Daniel was sweet enought to take a day off to take me to the doctor and bring me home. I got some good pain medicine, and was pretty comfortable on the couch watching movies holding tissues under my nose to collect the massive amount of blood rushing out. Not a bad way to spend your afternoon, I must say.

Today, I'm still very sore. My lymph nodes are swollen as they attack the foreign bodies in my throat. My nose is sore and runs a lot although the red faded to pink, and is now almost entirely snot colored. And last night, I had a dream. I didn't wake up fully refreshed or anything, but I think that's good progress. It could potentially take up to 18 weeks for me to get the full effect. If this doesn't work, I'm having more surgery. So wish me luck.

I haven't really been to work in a long time. I pop in now and again, but I have had other things to do deal with. I took off today to go see United 93 (awesome) and now I'm going to spend the remainder of my afternoon painting my bedroom. Yeah I had a change of heart and a change of colors. But it looks really hot. I'll surely show you all when I'm done. Laaaaaaaaaaaate.

Aight, so check it. Remember that movie Lorenzo's Oil? It was that movie where Susan Sarandon had a son that went retarded. He had an absurdly rare disease that no doctors could cure, so she took it upon herself to find a solution. After falling asleep on a stack of books, she decided to pump her son full of vegetable oil and then everything was fine. (That's a brief summary. If you ever take 9th grade science, you should watch it for yourself.)

That's how I feel right now. There is something so wrong with me, so rare, so inexplicable that it's going to be up to me to figure out how to fix it. I am in the midst of a round of meeting with very expensive doctors not covered by my insurance plan. I have a few more to see before I make my decisions. I could just trust one and go with it, but everyone seems to have a different idea -- and also tells me the others are wrong. Right now, I'm basically double checking my hypothesis with a few different specialists. I know no one and nothing can promise to help me, I just want to make sure I don't do any permanent damage to myself.

My basic idea is this. If no one idea is right, maybe they all are. So this is what I'm going to do (barring any doomsday predictions from a specialist). First, I need to clear a path for some air to get into my lungs while I'm sleeping. That's going to involve some demo. Good bye, tonsils! So long self-elongating uvula! That's only half the journy of the air though. Hello, rhinoplasty! I'm going to have my deviated septum corrected to increase airflow through my nose. Of course, all of this new real estate won't do much fucking good if my throat is collapsed in the gap. So I will have 3 foam pillars inserted into my soft palate to keep it from falling. And to make sure that my jaw doesn't fall backwards into my reinforced palate, I will get a TAP (Thornton Anterior Positioner). This is a specially designed "retainer" that you wear at night that pulls your mandible forward to keep the airway open. If all of that doesn't work, I will reintroduce the CPAP to supply sufficient air.

Why the fuck not? You don't need your tonsils or uvula, and my tonsils are huge. An ENT (ear nose and throat) doctor will confirm this for me. There are no adverse effects to having a firmer soft palate. A retainer never hurt anyone. I think the combo punch is going to be the only way to fix myself. If all of that doesn't work, then breathing isn't my fucking problem and my "peculiar REM brain waves" the doctor witnessed will have to be addressed by a neurosurgeon. Let's pray to Chuck Norris that isn't the case.

This is going to be horrendously expensive, since all the work will be done by specialists. My insurance won't cover the majority of it because it's all elective. And don't get me started on how painful it is to have your tonsils out as an adult or have your deviated septum undeviated. But I'm ready and willing. I'm sick of this shit and I'm puttin it to rest.

I arrived in Austin five days ago. I have yet to sleep. Traveling is hard for me because any deviation from my regular sleep habits hurts. My room back home is completely dedicated to sleep with climate control, dark walls and ceiling, fuckin rawkin mattress, expensive sheets, swedish pillows. Hotel rooms just can't offer you all of that. They don't make me sleep or anything, but every little bit helps. When you sleep for 8 minutes a night, inching that up to 10 minutes can really make a huge difference.

This has made me more serious about having surgery. There is a new procedure called the Pillar Procedure. When you have apnea, the soft pallate at the back of your throat relaxes and collapses, cutting off your supply of air. Your brain realizes this and "wakes" you up momentarily to take a breath. The Pillar Procedure involves inserting 3 foam pillars into that soft pallate to make it more rigid and hopefully stop this from happening. It's about a 15 minute procedure and they say you can do it on your lunch break and return to work. If you're not squeamish, you can go to http://restoremedical.com/video.asp and actually watch them fucking do it. It scared the bejesus out of me.

Ryan Short wrote an article about the Pillar Procedure in the Dallas Voice. It featured me and a prominent doctor in the field. Even though Ryan fabricated some stories about me sleep walking to the kitchen and getting a knife, acting out a dream that I wanted cake ??????? which is embarassing because sleep walking has nothing to do with acting out dreams. But regardless, I emailed that doctor asking him if he would meet with me for free. I know that doctors don't typically do pro bono work, but he mentioned to Ryan that he would like to meet me and I'd basically promise to have surgery if he would do that, so I figured it was worth a shot. What sucks is that it costs $2,000 to get stabbed in the throat. And I'm all but certain that my new insurance company doesn't take sleep medicine seriously.

I have got to try something. I'm sick of people perceiving me as lazy and irresponsible. It's like, fuck, doesn't anyone ever show up to work tired for respectable reasons? Everyone always assumes I am hungover. It sucks. I am seriously only hungover like 1 out of every 3 times I'm accused. If this pillar shit doesn't work, I'm gonna get a g*d damned tracheotomy and bypass this whole problem once and for all.

Sorry if this entry was a bit scattered, there's a Simple Life marathon on the tele and I am thoroughly amused. It's hot.

The Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission (TABC) has recently begun raiding bars at night and arresting patrons inside the bars that they determine, by way of the sole discretion of the officer given the horrific task of arresting merry makers inside bars, are intoxicated in public. I'm sure you've all heard of this at least. I just wanted to bring it up because most of you know more about politics and law than I know about electronic circuits and Food Network combined.

I originally argued that you can't possibly be publicly intoxicated inside a bar, because that's privately owned. Not so. It's still public property. Okay, fine. I'll give them that. But don't you dare ask me to agree with the College Station Police Department when they informed us that sitting on your porch with a beer at night under the overhang of the square footage that you pay for is considered public consumption. Bastards. But seriously, to say that you cannot be drunk inside a bar is like saying you can't read in a library or turn tricks in a motel.

They'll argue that they're doing the community a service because they are arresting people that are intoxicated -- not people that are belligerent, or causing a scene, mind you, just those that are intoxicated. TABC defines intoxication as anything over the legal limit of 0.08. We all know that the legal limit is bullshit in a way. You can reach the legal limit if the guy 3 tables down from you is drinking a beer and burps. It's insanely low, the equivalent of about one beer if you drink it like a man. I don't know how many nights, while living with Ryan and Todd, that we blew 0.2s (and probably above since the thing went no higher). And while we were clearly intoxicated, none of us were a danger to ourselves or each other.

The legal limit should only apply to driving. In that case, while still low, I think it's okay. Really you shouldn't be driving after drinking at all. EVEN IF you drive better when you're drunk and only have one eye open and your head cocked back and your foot gunning the accelerator. But, I didn't get to the best part yet. TABC defines intoxication as anything over the legal limit of 0.08, or one who is exhibiting signs of intoxication -- impaired judgement, or loss of motor skills. So even if you don't drink, you just limp, you can get arrested. You could get arrested in a bar if you are the designated driver, provided you trip on your way the bathroom to pee out the 29 Coca-Colas you've had to occupy your hands while your friends get sauced.

I'm all for public safety and welfare and blah blah blah, but I cannot fathom how this can be legal. We tried allowing the government to listen to hysteric, dried up old hags the last time we did Prohibition. See how awesomely that turned out? You fucking bitches spawned rum running (the predecessor the NASCAR, thanks a lot). Not to mention organized crime. And cocktails, a result of the need to mix bathtub liquors with fruit juices to make them tolerable. Well, bad example there. Thank you for that one. But back to my point.

How does something like this become legal? I don't understand. Much like how tow truck owners are allowed to steal your car and hold it for ransom. Or how one county is "dry" but literally 9 feet to the left, you can buy liquor. Or why there's this sudden trend to ban smoking everywhere despite the fact that capitalism should be driving that decision, not facism. Is this a result of some kind of voting? Do I need to start participating in local government elections? Do candidates publicly state their views on villanizing people who don't spend the night reading scripture and avoiding sex?

Help me JonSteed or someone whose legal opinion I value as highly. You're my only hope.

Because you're all dying to know how I feel about the capital of the great Republic of Texas. At first I really liked it. I mean, it's not like I've never been here before, but this is my first experience with pseudo-living here. The first thing I noticed were the bumper stickers. Lots of 'W's with slashes through them, and you allllllll know Sidesho doesn't do 'W'. Then I went to Whole Foods and it was just full of granola. People, I mean. Granola people. Awesome.

I've even considered moving here... but that wouldn't be a decision to make lightly.

After a few days though, I'm starting to lose some of my love for the city. The traffic! Good lord, people, GET JOBS! I swear, everyone's out parking on the highways all day long. And it's bad enough that it takes forever to get anywhere, but I get lost every fucking time I go outside. Hey, Austin, pick a name for a road and stick with it. When I left my hotel on Loop 360 N/Capital of TX Highway tonight to go down Loop 1/FM 1325/Mopac Blvd to pick up Brandon, I missed the exit I was supposed to take because I thought it was 1st St., but it was also 5th St. which you can call Townelake Blvd, but the sign will say Cezar Chavez, so good fuckin' luck. I also went the wrong way on the way home from 183/Research ... g*d damnit. I mean I know roads in Dallas sometimes have a number and a name 75/Central, but it is NOT this ridonkulous.

Work has been pretty laid back -- exactly the break I needed. I have some serious decisions to make soon about how I'm going to achieve nirvana because I'm most definitely not on the correct path, but we'll see if I actually grow the balls to do it or not. Til then, Laaaaaaaaaaaaate.

Lifted from James Harkin, a guest contributor to the Times Online (http://www.timesonline.co.uk):

What are . . . 'Yeppies'? James Harkin

“See those people?” she said, pointing at pedestrians walking briskly and bearing briefcases. “They must be yuppies. Are you going to be a yuppie?”

Instead, they believe that true personal fulfilment comes only after years of anguished experimentation. As a result, they feel entitled to behave like fickle consumers in everything that they do.

Just as they might browse the shops or flick through the pages of a lifestyle magazine, the yeppie likes to shop around when choosing jobs, careers, homes, identities and relationships. By trying on an assortment of different jobs and lifestyles, the yeppie wants to be flexible enough to change direction or to hit the reverse pedal when things do not work out. And he or she is happy to postpone all adult decisions until completely satisfied that all the options have been exhausted.

The drift towards life shopping, according to the researchers, can explain the rise of the singleton. In 1971, the average age at first marriage was 25 for men and 23 for women. By 2003, this had increased to 31 for men and 29 for women. The growth of the yeppie also helps to explain the “boomerang” generation of young adults who, after a spell in the cold world of adulthood, head straight back to the family home. In 2004 around a quarter of women between the ages of 25 and 29 and two fifths of men within that age group were still living with their parents. By 2012, according to the Social Issues Research Centre, there will be an increasing acceptance of prolonged adolescence; it will be entirely normal for people — even those in their late twenties — to remain ensconced in the family home.

Small wonder, then, that yeppies find it so difficult to settle down or to put work into building a career. For all their vaunted nimbleness, the Achilles heel is their inability to grow up and knuckle down. Faced with any decision whose outcome is uncertain, they find themselves caught like a rabbit in the headlights. Unrealistically high expectations are also a burden. After all, why throw yourself into anything when something better might come along at any moment?

I wanted to make sure I informed everybody that I will be in Austin from March 20th to the 28th. I'm supposed to drive down tomorrow morning, but my plan was to drive down tonight instead. I could stay at Lesbie's tonight and then go to work really late in the morning (under the guise that I'd just driven into town). The weather is really suckin' ass, though, so I might actually wait until the morning.

I always make a little extra cash when I travel -- especially when I drive -- so I decided to go on a little shopping spree. I got some new jeans, a new shirt, and a new pair of these sweet pink and brown plaid pants. I just wish I had purchased a shirt I could wear with them as well. I'm not sure when I'll get to debut them, but I might take them to Austin with me since I'm sure I'll be hitting up the Barton Creek mall a few times. I'm also going to take my sewing machine with me and work on my shirt because I imagine I'll have some free time. Maybe I should make myself a shirt to match my pants. I just really want a hat like Santino. If anyone knows where I can get one, please let me know or buy it for me.

I also feel like I should apologize for never updating anymore. It's not that I don't love you, and I assure you, my webpage is not going the way of the burns.tks of the world. I've just had someone better to do lately, and it's hard to pull away to update the ol' webpage. I should be updating more over the next 10 days to keep you informed of the hilarity of my Austin Adventure. Until then, take care of yourselves ... and each other. Huzzah!

I always thought you needed alcohol to fuck up a night this well. Turns out, my own sober self does the job just fine. I'm not sure I could elaborate upon that assertion without trying to spin too many yarns together to explain the entire situation. I'm right on the threshold of the worst part of Febrehabruarii ... Days 3 through 6 are pretty rough. Last year I pretty much secluded myself to fight the withdrawl alone. This year I decided to lean on the strength of others -- a mistake, I assure you, I will not make again.

By Day 3, everyone I talked to had dropped out. Here's the deal. I never asked anyone to participate in Febrehabruarii. Nothing with seven vowels can be that great. My point is, I never asked anyone to join me, I only had people say they wanted to play along. All I ever asked is that you not commit if you weren't serious. Many, many, many of you weren't. Three days. Seriously. Exactly how many temptations did you resist by Day 3? My guess would be zero.

If you're still in, let me know, restore my faith in mankind.

Sorry you guyses, I haven't updated in a while. Broken internet, traveling, and binge drinking have gotten in the way. Rest assured though, a new entry is coming. Hopefully tonight I'll replace this entry with one about my trip to Galveston.

Peace.

Today was a pretty good day. In all honesty, I had a good ending by proxy because my neighbor Daniel had had such a good day. He went and bought this 200 dollar touch screen remote control that can control everything in his apartment. Right now it does everything but the lights, but he's going to buy a receiver for that soon, and when it's all done, he'll be able to hit one button and the TV will turn on, change to Video 1 for DVD, turn on the DVD player, switch the audio receiver to DVD and dim the lights. It does everything but wipe your ass, but we're working on that.

During his little shopping spree he went to get me a new DVD player. No more Playstation DVD watching for me. It's like every pool boy's dream to get a new DVD player. It will go well with the new iPod Nano I got. I also got a new bike. Awesome. The Danimal was in a really spontaneous mood from all of his spree shopping. He wanted to go to London. Like now. I compromised and we went to rent a movie we'd just seen mentioned on VH1's I Love the 80s 3-D. It was Mel Brooks's's History of the World Part I. It looked so funny on TV, but really, it was just stupid. I think his generation's humor has come and passed.

While we were driving around we passed a sign near the building site of the new Addison! Wal-Mart that said "Coca-Cola: Now Hiring." I've never seen a Coca-Cola store before so I can't imagine what is going on there. I'll tell you one thing, though: I'm going to apply. I think it would be fun to tell people that I started selling coke on the weekends to make a little extra cash. Only, I'd be a lot better than your usual coke dealer. At least when you buy your coke from me, you get a free bag of ice.

I stole this idea from Shan's webpage. The instructions clearly stated to take the first sentence from the first blog of each month. I actually took the first complete thought instead of the first sentence. I was pretty pleased with the results, it's actually a pretty telling little summary of my life over the past twelve months. Enjoy!

January: I am so sick of painting. I feel like I've been painting for weeks. That might be because I've been painting for weeks. February: Day 1 of sobriety gone and done. How easy could this be? March: I can count on one finger the number of times that I have updated my webpage drunk. April: In 12 hours I will board a plane bound for Zurich, catch a connection to Copenhagen, and then catch a train to Malmo, Sweden. May: When I first heard the big news, I was like, "Backstreet's back?... Alright." The last two nights I have gone out on the town with Mr. Sean Wardle and both nights have lead us on the meandering path of alcoholic revelry. June: So I wake in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs, "What's goin' on?" g*d, remember what a kickass song that was? Well, I'm not blonde anymore ... not entirely anyway. July: I hope everyone has big plans today for getting sunburnt, eating watermelon, and watching fireworks. Me? I'm sitting in my very air conditioned apartment watching a show about redneks in Oklahoma noodling for fish. August: My oldest brother, Michael, who lives in Sacramento is expecting a baby. September: This has turned into the weekend from hell. They pulled what they glibly described as "the ol' bait and switch." My "3 day all expenses paid weekend in New York City" has turned into "working 18 hours a day in Queens while commuting from South Jersey all over Labor Day weekend." October: Since the last time we met, my CPAP has turned from a g*dsent to the bane of my existence. November: Well, hello there. Haven't seen you in a while. How are you? Keepin' busy? Good, good. Well, hey, I'm gonna go grab a beer but it was great to see you. Mmm hmm, talk to you later. December: I think this year, I've decided that instead of (or probably in addition to) celebrating the Solstice that I am going to celebrate Festivus.

I think this year, I've decided that instead of (or probably in addition to) celebrating the Solstice that I am going to celebrate Festivus. I saw them mention it on TV and Raul, who was visiting from Austin, had never heard of it. I made him google it and read all about it and I have been laughing about it ever since. I think it would be awesome to have a Festivus dinner. If you don't know what Festivus is, it's an alternative to the commercialization of xmas created by Frank Costanza on Seinfeld. That's where I believe it started, don't argue with me. Wikipedia.org describes the four major components of Festivus:

• The Festivus Pole: The Costanzas' tradition begins with a bare aluminum pole, which Frank praises for its "very high strength-to-weight ratio." During Festivus, an unadorned aluminum pole is displayed. The pole was chosen apparently in opposition to the commercialization of highly decorated Christmas trees, because it is "very low-maintenance," and also because the holiday's patron, Frank Costanza, "find[s] tinsel distracting." Local customs vary and you may be able to decorate your pole with non-threatening plain decorations, or ordinary green garland.
• Festivus Dinner: The Festivus dinner's menu is flexible, but it should be filling non-holiday comfort food (no turkey, duck, goose, or ham). The televised dinner featured what may have been meatloaf or spaghetti in a red sauce. (Presumably, an entree in a red sauce is more festive.) Although no alcohol was served at the Costanza's dinner, Kruger drank from his flask, so alcohol is optional.
• The Airing of Grievances: At the Festivus dinner, each participant tells friends and family all of the instances where they disappointed him or her that year.
• The Feats of Strength: The head of the family tests his or her strength against one participant of the head's choosing. Festivus is not considered over until the head of the family has been pinned to the ground. A participant is allowed to decline to attempt to pin the head of the family only if they have something better to do instead. Other, imaginative, Feats of Strength have been developed, including washer tossing.

Oh my g*d, I can't wait. Who wants to come to my Festivus dinner? I'll be playing the head of the household, so get ready for your feats of strength. G*d, I love the holidaze season!

Well, hello there. Haven't seen you in a while. How are you? Keepin' busy? Good, good. Well, hey, I'm gonna go grab a beer but it was great to see you. Mmm hmm, talk to you later.

I just figured since I'm coming off of my longest blog hiatus (maybe) ever that I'd give you all the see-an-acquaintance-in-a-bar routine. If I've ever said that to you, it probably means I hate you. Where have I been since last we met? My new bed is just smashing. Quite possibly the best purchase I have ever made. I got some chocolate brown Da Mask stripe sheets for it. I called my mother and asked her how much I am supposed to spend on sheets. She told me to spend around 50 dollars but to make sure it was 200 thread count. So I found some for a 100 dollars that were 400 thread count. That's kind of how I gauge my spending -- mother X 2.

Did you know you can spell 'gauge' as 'gage' and it means the same thing? Chevrolet does.

I took another sleep study. This time I had to take 5 naps periodically throughout the day from 8am to 6pm. It was pretty damn boring in between. I think the idea behind the naps was that eventually, I would cease to be tired and start having more and more trouble falling asleep. Not this guy. All 5 times, as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light. That's a little bit troubling to me, since I'm assuming it's not normal to be that tired consistently throughout the day, which would make me think I was narcoleptic. I probably shouldn't draw my own conclusions though. I go to the follow up on Tuesday where they tell me what they've found.

I got a new boss at work. We're already butting heads over dress codes and stuff. Mainly the fact that he specifically told me to wear slacks when I was interviewing people but I went ahead and made the executive decision that jeans would be just fine. It really wasn't a point I was willing to negotiate on, so hopefully he didn't find that too terribly disrespectful ... two days in a row. Whateva, whateva, I do what I want!

But life just keeps on truckin' along. I got a hair cut that looks fantastic. I hit a new low weight and a new high body image. I spend entirely too much time on the stoop, but love ever minute of it. Oh, and I decided to quit my job, but that will probably not be for several months while I cook up my new career. It's gonna be a doozy. But I'll have to tell you about that later. Peace.

Things just couldn't be peachier than they are right now. I know I promise Raul that I wouldn't talk about sleep anymore, but it's really integral to the story I'm about to tell, so he can continue fucking himself. They think that curing my apnea has given rise to a bigger, more serious problem. Like when my brain is allowed to do whatever it wants in REM, it makes poor decisions about how to spend that time. I'm not sure if or how they fix that (nor do they know exactly what it is yet, we're working together to figure that out) but it does make for good conversation. "Hi, my brain doesn't work."

Last night we had far too many people on the stoop. It really was just a matter of time before the police showed up and told us to go inside, which they did. They acted pretty much the same way we did -- not surprised at all to see us. They rolled down their windows without getting out and were like "Hey guys" and we nodded emphatically and got up and went inside. That's when the Texas Hold'em tournament began. It was 10 dollars to play, which I was kind of upset with since I ALWAYS lose, but whathefuck, I played. I ended up doing very well for myself and winning the pot. Cha-ching! I owe everyone breakfast today, so there go my winnings.

I was reading Miles' website the other day and I was kind of jealous of the sentiments he was expressing. He talked about how lately he's been focusing and rekindling old friendships and fueling new ones. And I pretty much feel the same. My stoop community is really fun and funny and the more the Addison Circle grows, the happier I am. It's definitely rounded out like fer shur.

So the reason my sleep is integral to the story, g*d damn I got off track and here I am doing it again, damned hangover, is because I bought a bed! I was driving home from work, made an evasive maneuver and bought a fucking bed. It's a Simmon's Beautyrest king sized and it will be here at 5 today. It's been soooo long since I've made a several thousand dollar impulse buy. I forgot how alive it makes you feel! Just as soon as it gets here and I get sheets and everything, I'll invite you all to come spend a night in it. Uh oh, I think it's orgie:30!

The reason I'm up now is because they're running a water compressor outside my window, not to be confused with the fucking jack hammer they had going last weekend. Don't worry though, I have definitely called and complained twice now. But I'm real cool about it so hopefully I'll get something free. I think I'm gonna call Miles and Daniel now and see if they're ready for their free breakfast cause once I'm up I'm up (until I nap).

Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate.

Why haven't I ever discussed this here? I try to tell everyone I know about it but have never used my most public of forums to espouse its virtues. I am talking about my ING Direct account. It's the best decision I ever made.

I could give you all of the technicalities of it, but instead I'll just link to it here. If you were thinking that you should be saving money -- any money at all -- this is the way to do it. You link it directly to your checking account and then set up automatic payments on the day you get paid. It's the concept of "pay yourself first." You can start out putting in 1 fucking dollar a month and then when you realize you can put more, bump it up to 5. Think about how much you waste on fast food and booze and CDs and gas only because it's sitting in your account. If you pay yourself first, you don't have that problem. And if you accidentally save too much, you can always transfer it back into your checking temporarily to float you to the next paycheck. I don't like to toot my own horn, but I have literally hundreds of dollars stashed away for a rainy day.

Now, I do care about my friends making responsible fiscal decisions. And that is honestly the catalyst for this post. But the other thing I care about ... is you getting free money! That's right. When you sign up and confirm your checking account, you get 25 bucks. For nothing. If all you wanted to do was sign up, wait until your 25 bucks was available for withdrawl, withdraw it and run, you could. You don't need to have extra money laying around to start saving. You get 25 bucks and then add to it when you can. Aaaand if you DO have savings, it makes sense to transfer it to ING because you get a 3.4 annual percent yield (WAY WAY higher than any bank). And that's just the current rate, it's gone up like 5 times since I signed up and trends indicate it will only keep on rising. I'm earning about 10 bucks a month in interest right now. Not a lot, but way more than a bank, and that shit adds up. Awesome.

I also get 10 bucks for referring you. I tell you that only so you'll understand better my motivating the masses, but believe me when I say that I don't need 10 bucks that bad. But in order for me to get my 10 and you to get your 25, I have to refer you through the website. So if you think this might be something you'd be interested in, send me an email at SideshoViD@sideshovid.com or leave me a comment with your first and last name (if I don't know them for sure) and your email address and I will have ING send you all the information you need to get started.

That's the end of my PSA. I do hope some of you take advantage of this great opportunity.

Since the last time we met, my CPAP has turned from a g*dsent to the bane of my existence. It is absolutely ruining my life. I haven't slept in a week. I am unmotivated, emotionally unstable, and dangerously exhausted. But, this will be the last you hear of my sleep problems and solutions. Raul left me a lovely IM informing that apnea was not my problem, but that bitching about apnea was my problem. So while he's off fucking himself, you can all just wonder how I'm doing.

This weekend I spent some time with the kids from the stoop. For those confused as to what the stoop is, it's basically equivalent to the benches of Moore Hall. Many alcoholic beverages consumed, many cigarettes burned, many stories exchanged. It's an all around grood time. After an especially late night on Friday, Miles, Daniel and I all went to J's Hamburgers and Breakfast. It was so fucking good. Another old skool diner with a krazy waitress. We tipped her 30 bucks because she ruled so much.

She smoked cigarettes while she took our order. She told us about an 80 year old man who ordered his eggs from her "over ... over ... over at your house?" She brought us a caraffe of Dr Pepper so we wouldn't need refills. She disagreed with me when I told her what I wanted -- and she was right! She told us about her anorexia. She brought us extra eggs. Miles, what am I forgetting? She was so off the heezy, I'm not even lying.

Really, I'm kind of stalling because I forgot what I wanted to talk about today. Oh well, it'll come to me. In the meantime ...

The sleep clinic. Worst. experience. of. my. life. It was so terrible. It sucked because I was so looking forward to it, but in practice it was extremely uncomfortable and upsetting. You go to this hotel room and a nurse comes in to get you ready for bed. They put 3 electrodes on my face, 3 on my scalp, 2 on my chest, 4 on my legs. I had a band around my chest and one around my stomach. I had tubes up my nose and in front of my mouth. They could measure my eye movements along with all of these other medical wonders. So imagine a trunk of cables coming from your body and attaching to the headboard. Now place a camera so that it points directly at your face. Then relax and go to sleep.

Yeah, not so much. I was so geared up that I couldn't sleep all night long. I got up in the middle of the night to use the restroom (with the nurse's help) and I told her I hadn't slept at all and she said, "I noticed." So the room of technicians really were sitting there watching me all night. Didn't help matters. I did doze off for a bit toward the morning so I think they were able to collect enough data to do some good. She described my sleeping ability as "terrible." Whooptie doo.

So the next day of work was shot. I skipped the fucker. I've decided that the 12 hour trip from Cincinnati to Austin was redeemed by this day off. Mikey was in town interviewing and needed a ride so I drove him around to his interview. While he was interviewing I treated myself to a nice lunch at Tom Toms and then bought myself a new phone. This one has a camera, people. It may be the end of the Sidesho-illustrations as we know them.

Today at work they told me I was going to New York for two weeks. I told them no fucking way. They told me I could have an all expenses paid 3 day Labor Day weekend in New York City if I agreed. My flight leaves tomorrow.

I apologize to everyone that I promised I would hang out with now that I was finally back, but we're going to have to delay that another two weeks. Sorry!

It's not every day that you meet a fucking great guy, get a new phone, make a bit of extra cash, win a free trip to NYC, and have everything professional dripping off your forked tongue like silk chocolate.

I think I just went overboard there. I'm off to take friends from Sweden out for margaritas. Ole!

After having lived in Covington, Kentucky and traveling back and forth from Ohio for two weeks, I think I can safely say that I know what it's like to live in America's Heartland. We residents of Northern Kentucky/Ohio are a simple people. We like Jesus and basketball and White Castle burgers. Said another way, I can't wait to go home!

I am going to fly back to Austin tomorrow night. I was thinking about going to College Station immediately upon arriving but those plans are in the air right now. We'll just have to see. I am so ready to get home, especially since my on-again-off-again roommate Andy will be there waiting to stay with me for a few days. And I've got that night to spend wired up to electrodes in the sleep clinic. But a part of me will miss Cincinnati ... a part of Cincinnati anyway, his name is Mikey. But Mikey is moving to Dallas in about a month, so no worries there. *WINK*

I didn't spend much time sitting in my hotel room alone. I really think I probably have as many friends in Cincy as I do in Dallas. That's either a really cool display of my social skills, or a blaring example of my lack thereof.

So I apologize for not updating the entire time I was here, but this social butterfly was too busy flapping his wings. I would probably come back here if they asked me to, but only for a week. Two weeks was just too long. That expense check I'm about to get should assuage any feelings of homesickness I ever had though. I'm gonna be rolling in it, people. I can put so much into savings for my Australia trip this month. Or I could buy that leather jacket at Source Paris. Yeah, I'll probably go for the jacket.

Hope all is well with all of you and to my Dallas crew and Addison Circle, I will see you all sooooon. Late.

Okay, I've got a couple for all of you Google-Earthers out there ... or is it Googler-Earths? Check out [43.8789746068,-103.459672608] and [34.1341770342,-118.321979438]. They are both really cool if you turn on "terrain" and then tilt it to the max. If you don't have any idea what I'm talking about, you need to get your ass to earth.google.com, stat! (Did you know the term "stat" is an abbreviation for the Latin word statim, meaning "immediately?" I didn't. I just googled it.)

I encourage all of you to find something cool, obscure, recognizable and post it on a comment here.

Lately I have been really into trying these local dives around town. It started with the Rainbow Cafe -- I know, I know, big shocker that I went there. But it's actually just a great little soda fountain eatery in beautiful downtown Carrollton. I don't think they've remodeled (or cleaned) since 19dickity4. They have a big rainbow awning over their soda fountains and make shakes and stuff. They also have the most kickass hamburgers and they come with a figurative BUCKET of tater tots. There are so many of them that I have to put some in my zipper pocket to eat later.

Then after Brett Sandy and I woke up on Sunday (at 9:00am, for some ung*dly reason) we tried to go to IHOP but the line was too long. So we drove a bit further and came upon Pete's Cafe -- "Come on in, for Pete's sake." Too clever and they served breakfast all day long. Our waitress's name was Doris, she was a delightful 60-something woman who called me "honey." Her birthday was last week. It just could not have been more quaint, and the food kicks ass too. Brett wasn't feeling 100% so when asked what he'd like to drink, he said, "A big ol' whoppin' glass of water." Why he said that, we both may never know. Drugs is cool. But Doris brought me my coffee and water, and the brought Brett the biggest glass they had. Too funny. Doris is a sweetheart and I can't wait to see her again.

Then today when I left work to go get something done at the public library (on account that the noise levels in my office are raising my blood pressure rapidly), I happened by this place only called "Donuts" that I've driven past 100 times. I decided to stop in. The requisite little Asian woman behind the counter greeted me. I had 3 different kinds of kolaches, all of which were fantastic. She even warmed them up for me in the microwave and snuck 4 different kinds of donut holes onto my plate when I wasn't looking. I sat at this oooold-skool bar while I ate. A donut shop with a bar? So rad.

Look, buddy, all I'm tryin' to say is that there's more to life than Smith and Wollensky's, Pappas Bros, and Three Forks. All of which sound just delicious right now. Maybe I'll go there tonight. I'm getting my hair did tonight, though, so it might have to wait until tomorrow. I expect that when I return from Cincinnati, myself and the Addison Circle will be hitting up these delightful restaurants?

Now get GOOGLING EARTH!

Today I awoke at exactly 4am at which time I arose fully refreshed and took a shower. I spent time making my hair look nice, pressed my shirt for work, and looked put together. I had a nice breakfast of Kellogg's cornflakes with strawberries before brushing my teeth and leaving for work. There was no traffic since I arrived at work at 6:30. I brewed a pot of coffee for the office and got my Monday paperwork out of the way before arriving 10 minutes early to the 7:30 meeting. After the meeting I got out to a job site around 9 and finished out my 10 hour day, making extra time by skipping lunch. After bringing an entire school online, I went and worked out for an hour and a half. I've lost 4 pounds since the last time I weighed myself on Thursday. I tanned. I came home and cooked some chicken red beans and rice that was so good it'd make you slap your mama. I ate a reasonable portion despite being starved. I have leftovers for tomorrow. I did all of my laundry and folded it. I cleaned the entire kitchen and disinfected. I cleaned the toilet and scrubbed the bathroom floor. I smoked no cigarettes and drank zero beers. And I did all this with time left to make it to bed early tonight.

Who am I and what have you done with the real Sidesho?

I hope everyone has big plans today for getting sunburnt, eating watermelon, and watching fireworks. Me? I'm sitting in my very air conditioned apartment watching a show about redneks in Oklahoma noodling for fish. This is where they catch gigantic catfish using their hands as bait. It has really made me think about Europe a lot and how I wish I was there. I went to my Swedish chat site thing and started saving off pictures of guys with wicked awesome hair just in case my membership has an expiration date and I can't do this at a later date.

Lately it seems like everything that I'm about is for something in the future. I'm working on this future hair. I can't wait to get my future furniture in my future apartment. In reality, none of it will ever, ever happen given my current spending habits. I am down to like no money whatsoever and since I just paid my rent late (on account of this being a Sunday and tomorrow being a holiday ... FUCK!) I'm going to owe like an additional 100 bucks that I don't have. Frustration.

I spent all day yesterday painting Ryan Short's apartment. We didn't get done but we did do a LOT. It looks totally awesome ... or rather it will, soon. I'll snap a pic of it sometime for all of you to see. Speaking of pictures, I got my Europe pictures back forever ago I just haven't had the patience to post them yet. I'll do that within the next year. Later skaters.

P.S. You all know my birthday is on Wednesday, the 6th, right? K

And now we run into the age-old blogging problem of having nothing to say. I don't often fall victim to the inspiration hiatus that kills so many virgin blogs (and burns.tk) but lately I have. Not that the actual excitement level of my life has changed per se, i'm just not expending as much energy trying to jazz it up. I kept waiting for something obviously bloggable to happen, but when that never came to be, I decided to give you one of these apologetic posts.

I have a new friend. He hates me. He's a long time Sidesho-viewer whose distaste for the Sidesho began with an innocuous LJ comment where I determined his use of the word "ironic" needed a little dictionary.com help. It was innocent enough, I thought. Anyway, long story short, he IMed me to tell me that he hated me, I naturally invited him out for a beer, and now we're friends. Yay!

It's pretty much a sure thing now that I won't be going to Australia in July. My debt, coupled with the higher-than-anticipated costs of airfare, have motivated me to follow Delilah's advice and postpone the trek until February. Plus, February is Gay Pride Month on that kooky island. That's something you don't want to go through life without experiencing. I am still sorely disappointed that I'm not going, though, y'know? Say lah vee.

Perhaps this next week will be a non-stop roller coaster ride of thrills, chills and nunchuck skillz. Peace out, skillets.

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of me starting work at my job. This little milestone has a bit of significance considering a year ago "one year" sounded like an eternity. Come to find, it's really not that long. Although, when you think about it, a lot has happened in the past year. In 12 month's time, I've started and kept a job. I've gotten my own apartment and managed to paint and semi-decorate it. I've been to six foreign countries. And I've consumed enough beer for a lifetime. Yeah, when you line up all my achievements, it's not too shabby.

I bought the girls I work with really cute little flower pots and cards and put them on their desks after work today. I hope they appreciate the sentiment. I really get off on doing random nice things like that. I'm not even sure anyone but me is realizing its the anniversary, but then again, they probably haven't been counting the hours like I have.

Tonight I went to Studio Movie Grill as per standard Funday night procedure. When I was leaving I got the hiccups. I always think that is so funny when you're drunk and get the hiccups. Makes me feel like a cartoon. Speaking of cartoons ... back to Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Shazzam! What a weekend to remember. Gotta love Memorial Day three-day weekends. Friday night I met up with Scott over at Sullivan's, a swanky jazz club down the street from me. I had a Knockout Martini that was delicious. Then some band started playing and I really wasn't feelin' it so I ducked out early. Fridays are not big party days for me anymore since I'm usually ready for bed by about 8:00. Xristopher, my stylist of TLC fame, was there too. When a girl walked by with a belt on that was scrolling words, he made some derisive comment about it to which I replied, "Yay! I'm getting one of them for my birthday!" They are so trashy/rad. Incidentally, Ryan Short said the Neil Diamond concert was sold out within 20 minutes of the tickets going on sale, so Justin, it looks like you're in the lead for best gift ever now.

I woke up on Saturday around 7:30 in the a.m. because I am an old man. Instead of just laying around I decided to clean my apartment finally. Like, really clean it. I started in the far back corner of my closet and worked my way all the way around to the kitchen. It felt so nice to finally have a clean place, and it ended up being a really great idea because I was going to have company later.

After a midday nap, I went down to Ryan Short's apartment where I purchased some citrus vodka and pineapple juice. I was recreating the Sullivan's Knockout Martini, which cost me (actually, Scott. Thanks!) 9 bucks apiece but were now a fraction of that. Naturally, I drank them like they were going out of style and had a good slur goin on by the time we arrived at the party downtown. Pretty-hair KYLE from College Station was there. He was disappointed by the lack of his name in caps and bold on my website. I try to oblige. Much socializing, much drinks, much cigarettes, much good times. Ryan Haggerty showed up with his friend Cameron Frost, from L.A. I ended up hanging out with them for the remainder of the night. Around 3 (total estimation) we left the party. Cameron Frost had never had a Whataburger taquito, and you know me, the unofficial Ambassador of Whataburger, so I got us all something to eat. We went back to my apartment and spent a while eating and sharing amusing movies on the internet. w00t!

The resulting hangover from such a wonderful night was fearsome. I couldn't move until about 4 in the afternoon. Despite sleeping all day I was still exhausted when Ryan Short picked me up (since my car was still at his apartment) and took me to get some sushi and then meet the boys out at The Ginger Man. We had a couple beers there, everyone putting it on my tab unbeknownst to me. So when we eventually went to JRs and then S4, I had free drinks aplenty. For the first time ... well, ever ... I went outside of my apartment without first flat ironing my hair into total submission. I decided to try beach hair. Beach hair is when you look like you've just spent the day at the beach and the way you achieve it is to spray your hair with salt water. I'm not sure I was thrilled with the results, but it was something new, and that's always refreshing. Eddie gave me the best compliment of the night when he said, "Seriously, you look completely different every single time I see you." That is so one of the nicest things you can say to me.

On a side note, here's a tidbit of Sidesho-etiquette: Don't tell me where I bought my clothes. I know where I bought them. I bought them. Of course I know where I was when this transaction took place. When you say, "Hey, you got that shirt at Guess," what I actually hear is, "Hey, your shirt is generic." It's things like this that cause me to fly to foreign countries and spend multiple hundreds of dollars on a shirt only to ensure that no one will know where I got it or g*d forbid be wearing the same thing. Btw, I shop almost exclusively at Guess, so you're not impressing anybody with your retail knowledge. This is a totally hypothetical situation though, nothing about last night spurred this rant.

These weekend blogs are so hard to title since there is rarely a central theme to them. When that happens, I wait until I'm done typing it to see if anything jumps out at me. Since that didn't happen here, I'll use the old adage: When in doubt, just choose something totally random. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate.

I went to my first happy hour in a while yesterday at the Flying Saucer with Max and Karen, old engineering technologies buddies. We had a fantastic time, a few beers, some delicious bratwurst with saurkraut and mustard. I came home fairly early, sat on the computer, and then went to bed in accordance with the sleep rules.

As it turns out, what I had done there was concoct the perfect recipe for heartburn. I've never had heartburn before, but from what I experienced and what I read, that's what it had to be. I was up literally all night trying to swallow down that acid in the back of my throat. By morning, I was fighting back the urge to vomit. I knew I had to go to work to at least give someone the work computer I've been using. So I went there first, and that's when time ran out. I threw up in the work bathroom and then came home. I absolutely feel like shit and I don't know what to do about it. Now that the burning sensation is gone, I'm left with a terribly sore throat and an excess of mucus. I'm not sure what to do.

Tell you one thing, though. My finances are in a dire situation. I think from this point forward, I am going to go back into the Febrehabruary mode. Not so strict, but I'm definitely curbing my spending a lot from now on. I need, need, need to pay off my significant credit card debt from Europe before I go to Australia on June 30. It's not like people are knocking down my door to hang out with me anyway, but I just thought I'd let you all know that my life from now until Australia will be a game of saving money, eating chicken breasts, working out and sleeping.

Is anybody going to see Star Wars tonight? Let me know how it is.

Taste of Addison might be more appropriately titled if it were called "Rednek White Trash Bash Carnie Festival Early 90s Rock Fair." Rest assured, dear readers, I will not be attending RWTBCFE9RF next year. No way no how. However, I would be remiss to not mention the silver lining on my clouded demeanor, Miss Lindsay Stone. She pretty much forced me against my will to have a good time. We had some laughs at my unknowingly evil glances at fat people with cottage cheese butts in tube tops and hot pants. She fed me beers that we snuck in with her big purse. *Clink!* And she didn't make me sit in the grass ... puhlease, I was wearing BRAND NEW jeans.

Other highlight of the evening? Mister Will Pendleton was in attendance. I made him hug me when he got there and he said I had "a whole lot of hair going on" and that I had "bulked up." We like Will. Will also bought me beers TWO AT A TIME. We really like Will. After I was good and toasted, we ran over to Duke's in Addison where I tried to make it up to my two patrons with an open tab and a few pitchers of beers. Deelish. What a way to spend an evening.

In other news, I had spent the earlier part of the evening having the most fabulous shopping date with our dear friend Ryan Short. We went to the West Village where we visited the new Octane store and I just had to get some new jeans that I could not afford. My Sevens that I bought with Leslie a little over a year ago and then proceeded to wear every single day of my life are almost at the end of theirs. The minute hole in the crotch grows bigger every day. The real reason for telling this story? Ryan Short told me what he's planning on getting me for my birthday and I just CANNOT keep it in any longer. He's going to take me to see NEIL DIAMOND IN CONCERT! AAAAAAHHHH! That is the best fucking present anyone has ever given me! I bet none of you can top that! Omega omega omega SWEEEEEEEEEEET CAROLINE! BA DUH DUH DUH! I can not wait. The concert's not til later this summer and hopefully it won't be when I'm in Australia. But fucking Neil Diamond?! Can you imagine?! I love you Ryan Short!

The only present I can think of that's better than that is this belt I saw in the Post Oak Mall (it's a great shopping place). It's from that ghetto belt buckle store where they can carve you one that says BLING or something. But these ones are little screens that scroll words across it. I wanted one soo bad but I was too embarassed to buy one. I told Justin McKee to get me one for my birthday but he didn't sound like he was actually going to, so check with him to make sure before you buy me one. I don't want two in the same color. I also tried to buy myself a programmable thermostat for my apartment on eBay today. I bid with 6 hours left and then had to go to work and I lost. But there were like a 100 of them on there, so I'm gonna go bid on some more. I work in the damn controls industry, I don't need to be manually setting the temperature in my own apartment. Gosh!

And that ugly fucking maid never called me back neither.

I called a maid today. But she didn't answer, nor did she call back. I'm not sure how professional that is. There was a flyer on my door today making similar claims to the last flyer that I had. Hey, remember that time that that girl running for class president gave me a flyer and I rolled it up and smoked it right in front of her?! Vote for Carrie! Or that girl that had misspelled her name on a stack of a few hundred flyers? Vote for Krisitna! Hahaha. Where was I?

Oh yeah, so another indication that this is not a super professional operation is that there were two numbers on the flyer that you could call -- either Lily or Joanna. I called Joanna because I figured she would be the easier of the two to haggle with, since Lily is the better looking one. How do I know that Lily is better looking? Let me ask you this. Have you ever met an ugly Lily? And have you ever met an ugly Joanna? Case closed.

Hopefully she'll call me back tomorrow. I left her a message. I have come to the fabulous conclusion that I am fundamentally incapable of taking care of myself. But what I am entirely capable of is throwing money at a problem until it goes away. In my defense though, I have been wholly dedicated to the sleep rules and it is really starting to pay off. So by the time I get off work (which has been later and later lately), come home and veg, get to the gym for my daily workout, and back home to finish eating, it is time to start the wind-down process before bed. It leaves me very little time to clean, and any time I have to clean is going to be spent drinking, believe you me. I haven't had a drink in almost a week and that is just unacceptable.

This weekend is Taste of Addison here at Addison Circle. That means one thing to me -- that I won't be able to get to my apartment for a few days. But Lindsay invited me to go with her and some coworkers on Saturday. And I think Will is going to join us. How fun is that? Stupid fun! Yay, czech you skillets later.

I am back home from College Station. It was a somewhat spur-of-the-moment decision to make an appearance there. I was sittin around last week when I realized that next weekend is graduation (my own graduation anniversary also, get me presents) and that this would be my last chance to see the remaining friends I have all together. I drove down Friday after wearing a hard hat all day and got down to some serious drinking. I was staying with Raul and Brandon this time around so thank you, thank you, thank you to them for letting me stay in their apartment.

I did some serious drinking on Friday night which led to a lackluster attitude all day and night Saturday. But it was really nice to see everybody while I was around. Who knows when my next CS venture will be, so if you want to see me again, you bitches will have to come to Dallas.

When I was in Brandon's room he had music from his playlist playing the whole time. One of the songs he played was Ashlee Simpson's "Autograph." If you'll recall, I publicly stated my hatred for Ashlee Simpson back in June of 04. I just want to make sure you all know that she's a talentless whore. Anyway, I totally recognize this song, and there is absolutely no reason why I should have heard it before ... unless I heard the same song performed by Juli, a German band whose CD I bought when I was in Berlin. Juli has a song called "Traenenschwer" that is the same as Ashlee's "Autograph." I tried to do some research tonight to figure out what the deal is there. Owen seems to think it is very common for bands to share tracks, but I think that's a total lie. No band is gonna be like, "Ja, we've got this really kuhl song, why don't you take it, you shitty American pop wannabe, and put your own fucking retarded lyrics on top of our music." Somebody find something out for me that I don't have the patience to find and let me know. If this could effectively bring an end to Ashlee Simpson that would be even better.

Well, I thought that Backstreet joke was funny, anyway.

A new goal of mine: just once, just once, I would like to sleep through an entire night. I had talked to Edward Spencer about this, since he has first hand knowledge of my sleep apnea and a medical degree, and he referred me to some websites where I could find a sleep clinic. They had their 10 good sleep habits, and I've decided to adhere to them come hell or high water for a while and see if it can help me without a doctor's visit. And the gooooood habits ARE! --

1. Maintain a Regular Sleep Schedule. It will be helpful for you to maintain a regular bedtime and arise time on both weekdays and weekends. Failure to do so, for example, by frequently staying up late can reset your internal biological clock to a later bedtime, leading to a circadian rhythm disorder called "delayed sleep phase syndrome." Also, it’s especially important to avoid "sleeping in" in the morning after a night of poor sleep. Instead, you should arise at the same time every morning, on both weekdays and weekends, regardless of how poor the prior night’s sleep has been. Although this can be difficult to initiate at first, it can, after a few weeks, help normalize your sleep-wake rhythm, and increase your sleep efficiency. (Guilty)

2. Get Enough Daylight. Lack of sufficient daily exposure to sunlight is often partially responsible for people’s difficulty in sleeping at night (daylight is a powerful regulator of the circadian cycle). It’s beneficial for you to spend at least 30 minutes per day outside, in natural sunlight, preferably during the first hour or two in the morning. If you’re unable to do so, try for a minimum of 30 minutes per day in strong artificial light. (Guilty)

3. Avoid Post-Lunch Caffeine. Most people know that that the intake of caffeine and similar stimulants in the afternoon and evening can interfere with falling asleep and remaining asleep at night. Most clinicians therefore advise avoiding caffeinated coffee, tea, and carbonated beverages for the rest of the day after lunch, as well as caffeine-like substances found in chocolate, cocoa, and in some weight-control aids, pain relievers, diuretics, and cold and allergy remedies. Some individuals are highly sensitive to caffeine and should stop use entirely. (Guilty)

4. Avoid Daytime Napping. With some exceptions (for example, in some cases of insomnia in the elderly), daytime napping solves only a short-term problem of fatigue, and it can contribute to the long-term development of insomnia at night, by disrupting normal sleep-wake rhythms, as noted earlier. In most cases, you should eliminate napping. (Guilty)

5. Make Your Bedroom Quiet and Comfortable. Insomniacs often overlook the fact that their bed and bedroom may not be as quiet or comfortable as they could be to promote restful sleep. It’s wise to assess for any disruptive lights, sounds, temperatures, or touch sensations and adopt whatever measures are necessary to reduce or eliminate these discomforts (for example, using eyeshades, earplugs, a low-volume background sound, or a new mattress or pillow). A bedroom temperature of 65° F is recommended for good sleep. (Guilty)

6. Avoid Alcohol Within Two Hours of Bedtime. Aside from the risk of developing alcoholism, it’s not productive to use alcohol as a sleeping aid, despite the popular notion that an evening "nightcap" promotes sleep. Research has shown that although one to two drinks within two hours of bedtime may assist with falling asleep, it tends to disrupt subsequent sleep by increasing later wakefulness. Also, alcohol intake prior to bedtime tends to relax the muscles of the throat and to suppress awakening mechanisms, thereby making snoring and sleep apnea episodes more likely, sometimes to the point of being life-threatening. (Guilty) (Guilty) (Guilty) (Guilty)

7. Avoid Smoking Nicotine Products Within Two Hours of Bedtime. Aside from the health risks associated with smoking, it‘s not productive to smoke up until bedtime. Like caffeine, nicotine is a central nervous system stimulant, and evening smoking tends to increase heart rate and blood pressure as well as stimulate brain activity in ways that are incompatible with sleep. Also, nicotine withdrawal symptoms during the night can contribute to wakefulness. People who stop smoking are likely to sleep better after 10 days of abstinence. (Guilty) (Guilty) (Guilty) (Guilty)

8. Avoid Large Meals Within Two Hours of Bedtime. Although a light snack before bed can be beneficial, consuming large meals in the late evening is not recommended. It can be sleep-incompatible to assign your gastro-intestinal tract the task of digesting a large meal at night, and it can increase the risk of heartburn during the night. (Guilty)

9. Avoid Exercise Within Two Hours of Bedtime. As part of the circadian cycle, core body temperature begins to decrease in the late evening, and this assists with falling asleep and remaining asleep later. Engaging in vigorous exercise within two hours of bedtime can be counter-productive because it tends to raise core body temperature and activate the nervous system. In the interest of improving sleep, the best time to exercise is in the late afternoon. (Guilty)

10. Wind Down Before Bedtime. Insomniacs commonly complain of physical tension and mental alertness when they should be sleeping. In the interest of physical relaxation and mental calm, it’s wise for you to wind down for one to two hours before bed by engaging in an enjoyable, relaxing activity. During this wind-down period, you should avoid working, studying, talking on the telephone, arguing, watching exciting television shows, reading exciting books, and so forth. (Guilty)

So as you can see there is definite room for improvement. Last night I put the thermostat down to 65 degrees and it made a world of difference. Fuck the electrical bill, that was heavenly. Also, I didn't drink, smoke, or workout less than two hours before bed and I went to bed at a reasonable hour. I also turned my clock away from my bed so I can't read the time. That was the biggest improvement. I really think this could make a big difference. The hard part will be sticking to my resolution, like tonight when we celebrate (mourn?) Sean leaving Dallas for Boise, Idaho-no-youdaho. Til then!

I have some advice for all of you who will be graduating soon and looking for full-time employment. Obtaining your dream job will not make your job a dream ... it will only make your dreams a job.

Sometimes I think up random shit and then I find myself to be unduly clever. Also, I like to make myself feel better about my non-existance. Coming back to work has been particularly difficult this week what with the deadlines and my apathy. I miss Sweden. I miss Germany. I miss socialists and liberals. Baseball and bar-be-que just hasn't quite filled the void.

I no longer have a roommate. Andy moved out on Wednesday. I totally thought he was leaving next Wednesday or I would have made more ado about it. Like friendship bracelets or something. But as it was, he gathered up his stuff and left Wednesday afternoon. I don't mean to sound sappy but I already miss him. I totally wanted to just go have a beer and a conversation tonight and I couldn't find anyone to join me. Travass eventually changed his mind about declining my invitation and absolutely saved the day, but still... it was nice to have a live-in drinking buddy. But now I've got two of my best friends with me -- Coors Light and Hedwig. What more can you honestly ask for?

I feel like I had a lot more planned for this entry, but I must have left those ideas back at the first beer. I'm sure they'll come back to me. Thank you for your understanding, but most of all, for your support.

After a delightfully delectable breakfast catered by room service, it was time for me to board a plane bound for London Heathrow. It was a rather uneventful affair on British Airways, an airline that far outdoes American Airlines. It was when I got to Heathrow that I realized what I was about to do. All around me were two categories of people.

First there were the guys with kickass haircuts, all choppy looking, with great ensembles of shirts, jackets, pants, and shoes that I could never hope to pull off. Their wives, sisters, and friendgirls all had short chic haircuts and styles that would be considered outlandish even in our gay clubs. They were all fit and trim and hottt.

Next to them were morbidly obese fucks in tracksuits with bald spots and moustaches. Their good x-tian wives were wearing vests with puffpaint to accompany their 80s-framed glasses and horrifically permed hair and thunder thighs. In short ... Americans are ugly. Ugly Americans. They are so easy to spot and after 3 weeks of being surrounded by skinny trendy people, I was overcome with grief about returning to a society where these people were the norm.

But here I am. I made it back fine and I desperately need to unpack, or do something other than lie on the couch and watch the History Channel. I did leave the couch on Friday night because JonSteed was in town for the night so we hit the bars. Duh, I always have a fucking blast with JonSteed, he is so one of my favorite people ever. We kept on having "just one more drink" and then I was teaching everyone how to dance like Germans on the all but empty dance floor. Tomorrow, I have to return to work and I'm pretty sure I'll cry.

Does anybody know anything about this ONE Campaign? You have seen those commercials with Brad Pitt, Bono, Ellen Degeneres, Tom Hanks, Jamie Foxx, Justin Timberlake and a slew of other A-list celebrities all saying one or two words. Generally I agree that poverty and hunger should go away but their website is litered with the compound hyphenated word "faith-based" in the same sentences as "government" and this is what makes me nervous. Any info from smarter, more informed people would be appreciated.

And now we come to my favorite part of my vacation. Berlin was so effing cool. Within the next two years, I now plan to move to Berlin, possibly permanently. There were several reasons that I like Berlin so much, but the easiest way I can think to sum it up would be with these statistics: 20+% unemployment, 30+% homosexual, 50+% athiest. Can anybody say, "home?"

I think I am a socialist. I never realized it before because I've always lived in a totally capitalist environment, but there is something to be said for caring about the greater good above one's personal gains. It's not a flawless system but I think it fits in nicely with humanism that I'm toying with.

Anyway, I met up in Berlin with James' friend Chris Apollo, henceforth to be refered to as Apollo, because I think that's an awesome name. Sunday night he was supposed to meet me out at this club but he had to finish a grad school application. So I kind of stood around by myself. Berlin was a lot like Dallas in that if you didn't know anybody there, nobody really engages in conversation with you. But the next day I called Apollo and we met up in Alexanderplatz. He convinced me to try my hand at the public transportation which ended up kicking ass. You can get anywhere so easily. We spent the entire day walking around and talking and learning about the history of all the sights we were seeing. There is such a wealth of history to learn about; I barely scratched the surface while I was there. And it's all so fucking interesting.

That night we shared a few bottles of wine, enjoyed dinner at his friend's house, and then went out to some of the most insane clubs I have ever seen. Let's just say it eclipsed anything else in my previous base of experience. We stayed out until the early morning when I took a taxi back to my hotel for a good 3 hour nap before I had to get up, check out, and make it back to Alexanderplatz for my city-wide bike tour with Fat Tire Bike Tours. It was from 11 to 4 and I think I was still drunk when it started. But it was so damn fascinating hearing all the stories of every building in Berlin. There is just SO much to see and do and experience. I definitely need at least a few months to get a good start on it.

After the bike tour, Apollo met up with me again and we hung out and talked for about an hour before I had to get on the train to go to the airport and catch my flight back to Copenhagen. I had a hotel room in Copenhagen for the night before my trip home. It was the nicest fucking hotel room I have ever stayed in. I sure do know how to take care of myself. I love me. And I love Berlin. And I will be going there some day ... some day ....

What a weekend! I was livin' it up. I only have 20 minutes before we go get dinner so I'm going to type this as fast as I can. I'll proofread it later so keep your snotty comments to yourselves. Friday night, I went to Etage, this club that is in the big square in town. I heard from some people that it was pretty cool. They were open from 23-5. So I showed up around 11 because I wasn't quite certain how long it would take me to get there and I figured that with the club opening so late everyone would be lined around the block clawing to get in. WRONG. I was like the first person there.

So I sat and had a few beers by myself waiting for everyone to show up. All the clubs here have random gambling tables all around. Like you'll be going down the hall towards the bathroom and its like BAM BLACKJACK! It was very strange but a few people seemed to really enjoy themselves. I stayed away because I have a gambling problem -- my problem being that I suck at it. So there I am at the bar drinking Falcon after Falcon just waiting for somebody to talk to me. When it became evident nobody would, despite my magickal buttefly shirt, I started trying to mingle.

Yeah, people weren't really having it so when this Asian girl winked at me I was like eh, whatthefuck, I'll go talk to her. So I am sitting there with all these chicks from Thailand and I can barely understand a word they're saying. And they drag me out on the dance floor. I definitely did a little pole dancing with this chick up on stage. Tres fun. Then we sit back down at the table to drink some more and she shows me her passport. Specifically, she is pointing at the part that says MR. So I hung out all night with a Thai transsexual and had a really good time. I drank way too much, though, so as I was stumbling home, I see McDonalds like a beacon in the night. I mosdef stopped in at 5am to have a hamburger. I was so drunk I could barely get the words "Bic Mag" out.

I sure did pay for it the next day. One of the worst hangovers I've ever had. I didn't get out of bed until about 4. Then I went for a nice walk and got a nice dinner by myself. It was probably good that I stayed in bed so late because I had many adventures to await me. There aren't really any gay clubs here but there are clubs that have gay nights. And the big one, from what I could gather, was this party called Wonk every Saturday night at Deep. Deep is just a stone's throw from my hotel. But this time I've wised up, and I don't even venture out until 12:30. Surely I won't be the first person there. WRONG! I was the first person there. So I'm standing there alone drinking my beer when this old guy comes and talks to me. Meh, whatever, used to it.

Then the hottest guy I have ever seen walks in and I vowed to myself that I wouldn't leave until I got him. But I've got this elderly baggage, so I'm a little stuck. I tried to tire hime out on the dance floor but he just wouldn't get the hint. And he danced like an old guy. One weird thing they do is hand out candy at clubs. Like a dude with this shirt off comes around with a tray of gummi candies and everyone grabs a handful. So weird. But they had dropped a whole tray right on the dance floor so my shoes are super sticky. Anyway, eventually the old guy tires out and leaves around 3am. This is when I decide to venture up to the karaoke room because I'd watched a little earlier and it was cracking me up.

Wouldn't you know it, the hottest guy ever is sitting on this ottoman watching the show, so I go plop down next to him. I was laughing my ass off because these four girls kept singing a song and the chorus was something "SLUT." And they just keep yelling "SLUT." It was pronounced [sloot] but still funny to me. So I lean over to the hottest guy ever and say, "I have no idea what they're saying but I sure do think its funny." And his eyes lit up and he was like "Where are you from?!" He's one of the first Swedes to give a fuck where I'm from. They're all very unimpressed. So now I've scored 10,000 points for being an American and we're getting along just swimmingly. We're talking and laughing and clappin. I tried to sing along and sound out the words and he thought that was pretty funny. Well... I guess we were having too much fun at other people's expense because the next thing I know, I have a finger pointed at me.

That finger is attached to the biggest person I have ever seen. This is a 7'6" stacked drag queen named Wonk (the namesake of the party) with blonde hair down past her butt ... and she is motioning me on stage. So the hottest guy ever (henceforth to be refered to by his name Rickard -- the k's here do weird things, so it's actually pronounced just like Richard) kind of shoves me up there and I oblige. She says a whole bunch in Swedish and then sticks the microphone in my face and I say, "Uhhhhh ... well, this is my first time to Malmo but it's a lovely city, everyone's just been great." And everyone kinda cheers and she says, "What is your name and where are you from?"

"Okay David from America, I know what you sing. You sing it now. I hope you know it." And I'm like uhhhhh, so do I. Next thing you know, the intro to Don McLean's "American Pie" is on and I start singing it. I'm a little shaky at first but once I found the key I started belting it. I mean belting it. And I knew all the words so I didn't have to stare at the screen, so then I start working the crowd a little. Mind you, it is now like 3:30am and I am a little intoxicated. And I get everyone singin along and I'm singin my little heart out. You all know how much I hate to toot my own horn, but I was pretty good ... probably Grammy quality. So now Rickard is doubly impressed.

Then we go downstairs and talk a while. I bought us some cigarettes out of a machine but I'd never heard of any of them so I just guessed. I ended up guessing his favorite cigarettes so now he's triply impressed. They were called Prince and I told him I'd never had a Prince before. He replied, "You've got one tonight." Zing! Double entendres in a second language, kudos to him!

Then the club started playing slow music. Slow dancing at a gay club? Who woulda thunk. As we were slow dancing which was way too fun, this guy just barrels right through us. And I yell, "HEJ!" and Rickard shoves him, and then he turns around and shoves me. The majority of my bloodstream at this point consists of ethanol and testosterone, so I'm like ready to go. Luckily the Swedes are a peace loving people but I don't think Rickard missed the fact that I'd jumped up to protect him. Can we say quadrupily impressed? Probably like dodechedrimpressed.

The club let out at 5, and Rickard walked me back to my hotel. It was only a block but still a very nice gesture. Yadda yadda yadda, it was a fabulous weekend and I almost wish I could be here another weekend. Stupid me I didn't get his phone number or anything, so I guess that's the last time I'll see him. Oh well, it was worth it.

That's all for now, more anecdotal shit and stories about the douchebag another time. Just had to get that out for your pleasure and my journal. Peace, my sluts!

I am going to officially change the spelling of my name from Deighvyd to Dävid. Not only does it look cooler but it would be grammatically correct here. They have all kinds of vowels that we don't have: ä, ö, ü, å, ø. We have all the vowel sounds, but our vowels can completely change their pronunciation based on the letters before and after them. Theirs are always the same, which is why they needed a few extras. The only one I've figured out is the å which actually has a long 'O' sound. If I get lucky later, I may be showin' my å face. å! å! å!

I spent a lot of money today on plane tickets. I'm really leaving Malmö next Friday and heading right for Paris. Then to Berlin. Then back to Copenhagen. I am so nervously excited. It's still a ways away though and I've gotten a lot of great advice on how to travel. It should be really sexcellent to get around a little bit. Although I spent a lot, it was a lot less than I thought I was going to have to spend. My ticket from Berlin to Copenhagen was €16, which is under 20 bucks. Score! I am flying on the Southwest Airlines of Europe. Should be interesting. I gotta find hotels now. Money, money, money. Speaking of, I FINALLY heard some ABBA at the hockey game last night. I had assumed it would be the only music they played here and was sorely disappointed to find out I was wrong.

I'm about to head out to a Biljard hall now with Keith and Paul, and the little douchebag that it is here with us. I'll have to tell you all about the douchebag later, he's a blog unto himself. He is the dark cloud on the this silver lining of a vacation. Anyway, so I gotta run, just wanted to fill you in on a couple more things. Läääääääääääääääte.

I just got back from a hockey game. What a great idea that is. Go to a freezing ass country and then sit in a room with a huge slab of ice. Sheesh. It ended up being fun because the Malmo Redhawks won 11 to 2. They supposedly aren't very good, but they spanked this other team. I've been under my covers in the hotel for about an hour now and I'm still not thawed out.

The hotel room is pretty warm at all times. They don't really have air conditioning here. They just keep all their buildings warm, and then if you get too hot, you open a window. It works pretty well, especially in a country when its not 105 outside. Another difference is the light switches. Their switches are like the size of our base plates. Makes sense I guess. No reason to make the switch so small. And the toilets -- you don't push down on a level, you pull up on a button on top of the toilet. Same concept, just different. Everything here is just different enough to keep it interesting ... and make you have to pause to figure it out.

Everyone in Sweden smokes. Really, I think its just that everyone in Europe smokes. And you can smoke just about anywhere. When we got off the plane in Zurich, the first thing we did was try to find a smoking room. We slowly started noticing that people walking through the airport were smoking. A far cry from DFW, that's for sure.

It seems my employment luck is international. I got assigned to the team that really isn't doing much. I've mostly just been hanging out and eating great lunches before cutting out a little early. I am trying to find out what I'm going to do this weekend and wouldn't you know it, Stino just told me he has a friend in Malmo. He's going to email him for me and see if he'll be my tour guide. That would pretty much kickass if it worked out.

I am watching MTV Europe's version of Jackass. It's these four guys that put Bam and Steve-o to shame. They just waxed this guy's balls and they showed the whole thing, full frontal. That's really the only nudity I've seen so far. With any luck this weekend, it won't be the last.

I don't think I've mentioned Paul yet. Paul is this English guy who is here for the same thing we are. He's really cool. He's like a real live Englishman. He tells us to "fancy" things ... something I will definitely try to get started in the states. Fancy that, another new word for my rotation.

Damnit, I have a thousand more stories, but this will have to do for now. Although the time stamp will read 4pm, its really 11 for me and I still have to shower and then flat iron my hair with my new swedish flat iron ... it was worth all 400 Kroner. Laaaaaaate.

I have accumulated about a month's worth of blogs every day that I have been here. If I don't dispense some of this gold, I am just going to burst! First, some observations about Sweden:

The Swedes are not an unfriendly people by any means, but they are very ... unengaging, shall we say? If you pass by somebody on the street, they will avert their eyes to avoid eye contact. We view that as somewhat rude, and therein lies the cultural difference. The way we pass by a complete stranger and say, "How ya durrin?" would be viewed by a Swede as insulting because it was completely insincere. You don't really care how that person is doing, nor do you even pause to listen for an answer. So it makes sense, but it sure is hard to get used to.

Everyone here is bilingual at least. Everyone speaks English, perfectly ... and Americanly. They all speak Swedish to me initially, which I take as a compliment because it means I have long, beautiful blonde hair, but as soon as I reply in English, they don't even blink, they just switch over. Last night a bum rambled something incoherent to me in Swedish and I said, "Sorry, I don't speak Swedish," and chuckled to myself for being clever. He immediately replied, "Do you have any crowns?" I was impressed. Today a drunk-ass gypsy Arab with a tallboy on the bus was rambling something and then started yelling, "My g*d is my g*d," to which somebody from the back of the bus replied, "There is no g*d." Fuckin A.

Today I noted to Joakim, who was showing us around (incidentally, Joakim is a common name) that there were no Swedish flags flying. In the US we have one American flag for every city block. He told me that flying the Swedish flag is interpreted as you being a racist. Everyone is supposed to be equal in Sweden to the point that you're not allowed to be proud of anything, in his words. I guess it would be akin to flying the Confederate flag in the US, except that actually literally 100% means you are a racist. But still, same reaction.

So Sweden is a socialist country, which is where the attitude that everyone should be completely equal comes from. They have a tax rate of something like 50%, which is unfathomable to us. But, healthcare is all free, higher education is all free, everything like that is free. If you want to go to college, you just sign up. The other thing that high tax rate does is even out everyone's income. The more you make, the more you get taxed, so everyone is pretty much on par. Unless you're extremely wealthy, then you probably net the same income as the waiters (who btw, make real wages, so tipping is extremely rare -- also hard habit to break).

Everyone looks and dresses like a rockstar. If any one of these guys would come to America, they could get laid on demand for the rest of their lives. I wonder if they know that. They probably have grown up thinking they were rather average. The styles over here are incredible. If I could dress like a Swede I would be oh so popular. First things first, I gotta get some brightly colored shoes. They also have cool jackets, although, if I wore mine more than 3 weeks out of the year, I might get a cool one too.

I haven't slept since I got here. For whatever reason, I go to bed around 10 and wake up at 1am every night and then stare at the ceiling until morning. It's starting to take it's toll. I've tried drinking myself to sleep; I might try sobering myself to sleep tonight. One way or another I have got to get some rest or I'm going to die.

I have about 8 million more stories to tell you, but these were the first that came to mind. Just one more thing to share, though, as the cardinals in the vatican meet to elect a new pope. I really feel like the office of the pope is such a huge responsibility spanning so many countries, cultures, and people. How can one man hold such a title? Maybe they should consider having a group act as pope this time. They could pull one person from each walk of life, a whole mixture of beliefs and backgrounds. And they could call it pope-pourri.

What a long, strange trip it's been. Okay, maybe just long. I got to Sweden with very little trouble. I am in my hotel room now around 7:30pm after having been up since Saturday morning. I am so tired, but I have had a lot of fun today. I am traveling with my coworker, Keith, just to get that out of the way. I'm sure a lot of my stories will involve him. We had breakfast in Zurich which consisted of a liter of Heinekin each and a handful of cigarettes. Gots to expense that shit!

The 10 hour flight was quite trying, but I made it though with a little bit of sleep. It didn't help that when I did fall asleep, I dreamt that we had already arrived. Then I woke up and realized there were 7 more hours to go. We hung out in Zurich for about 3 hours and then took a 2 hour flight to Copenhagen. I slept all the way through that flight. Then we rode a train into Malmo, Sweden. We decided to walk from the train station to our hotel which ended up being quite a ways. I immediately dropped my shit and went walking around. I found a place to buy a flat iron tomorrow. Mine won't work here, and my voltage converter won't work with it either. It is a necessity. Gots to expense that shit!

Let me tell you one thing about Sweden. If I were to rank the 100 hottest guys I'd ever seen in my life, on TV, in movies, and in person ... all 100 of those spots would be occupied by someone I saw in Malmo today. Everyone here is beautiful -- blond hair, blue eyes, tall, just gorgeous. I am a little bit overstimulated. And the women are pretty slammin' as well. Being in Malmo makes me say, "Miami who?" I have already decided that I want to live here. Everyone speak fluent English, even the teenagers working at Subway, which is where we ate dinner. They all start of speaking Swedish to me, which I take as a compliment because they I'm Swedish, but as soon as I order in English they switch effortlessly. It's incredible. This place is so Americanized, yet so different. I need to make some more observations before I assert that.

I took a few pictures today but I am seriously falling asleep on the keyboard so I might post some tomorrow. So far so good though! This place kicks so much ass.

UPDATE: I totally forgot to mention. I met John McKay from the news in the airport in Zurich. He was on his way to Roma to cover JP Deuce's funeral. I know so many celebs. And in other news, NOW MY HAIRDRYER DIED. God damnit, first the Pizzope, now my blow dryer. Why have you turned your back on us, oh lord?

In 12 hours I will board a plane bound for Zurich, catch a connection to Copenhagen, and then catch a train to Malmo, Sweden. There is supposedly internet access in the rooms and I will have my work computer with me, so I should be able to keep this site updated. I will also be available via email, my personal one is probably best (SideshoViD@sideshovid.com) but if it's very important, you can use my work address, which is Myfirstname [dot] Mylastname @ TheCompanyIWorkFor.com. Fill in the blanks, please don't send email to that exact address. Sweden is 7 hours in the future compared to the states, so factor that in.

Wish me here. Here goes nothin.

Sometimes these blogs just write themselves. I swear. I've blissfully avoided piecing together Friday evening in an attempt to avoid the inevitable embarassment associated with a night of heavy drinking; however, this morning the puzzle became inexorably more complicated. I believe I mentioned in my post a few days ago that one of the guys Karen and I became associated with was wearing a cool jacket. It was like a blue velvet sports jacket. Or it could have been a fuscia wind breaker for all I know, but I'm pretty sure it was blue and velvet. At some point in the night, one of my business cards found its way into the pocket of this jacket, and last night our friend found it and emailed me this:

Let me just start by saying that I thought it was really cool of this guy to email me. It's not every day that you do something stupid with a complete stranger when you're drunk and are afforded the opportunity to apologize. In fact, I'm going to seize that opp. myself as soon as I'm done with this blog. Secondly, HOLY SHIT! Evel Knievel style tuck-and-rolls from moving vehicles? Scaling security fences?! Firing indiscriminately upon women and children?!?! Curse me for passing out!

Really my first reaction to all of this was concern for Karen. I know I'm not the most prudent fellow when it comes to picking friends whilst intoxicated, but I certainly don't want to put my friends in harm's way. I called Karen the first chance I got and she assured me that everything was cool. She said they stayed shortly at my apartment, the guys left, she followed close behind, heard them yelling and slipped out a different exit. She, also, was not privy to any acrobatics.

I guess the time has come to stop carrying business cards with me when I'm planning on doing some heavy drinking with anonymous strangers. Although, I guess it's not really fair to refer to ol' Jordan as anonymous. I think he's good people. I think Karen summed it up just perfectly in her comment, "......a night out with David is always an experience. Same time next week?" Whatagal!

Oh, and apparently she couldn't escape the inquisition at work Monday because Sean and Max had read my website. I was unaware they were keeping tabs on me, so I thought I'd holla at my peeps. You guys shouldn't be reading my website at work, it'll ruin your SPI and CPI.

Last night I got a call from my old friend Karen who has now moved to Dallas and lives just blocks away from me. I decided to take her to mine and Ryan Cloutier's special little place -- The New Amsterdam Coffeehaus. They have all kinds of fun beers. Unfortunately for me, they are all 8 or 9 percent alcohol so I wasn't quite in control of my consumption. When it was time to leave, we were talking to two guys that had a table next to ours. One of them had a cool jacket and he let me try it on.

As we were leaving, I had to pause briefly to throw up on the street, and consequently my shoes. How unbecoming. Then, the confusion begins. For some reason after this display of public intoxication, the four of us decided to go back to my apartment all the way in Addison. What's additionally confusing is that the guy whose jacket I wore drove me and followed Karen and his friend. Why wouldn't we have ridden with the people we knew? Who thinks to themselves, "This guy just douched out a planter, I think I'd like him in my truck!"

Alas, he paid for his affability. As we were cruising up Central Expressway, I had to roll down the window and puke out the side of a strangers truck going 70mph in the rain. When I was finished, I put a 10 dollar bill in the console of his car. He rather angrily said, "Don't insult me," and threw it back at me. "I'm not trying to buy your forgiveness," I replied, "I'm trying to buy you the super ultra deluxe car wash." He laughed and accepted my meager compensation.

When we got home, I emulated Lil Jarrod last weekend. Lil Jarrod just turned 21 and I had the esteemed honor of driving him to dinner and then to the bars where we met up with some friends. I also had the esteemed honor of bringing him home, which involved carrying him to my apartment, and holding his hair while he regurgitated the evening. So there I was, layin on the wonderfully cold tile next to the toilet. Who knows how long I was there. I woke up this morning in bed fully clothed, but not fully aware.

I wonder how long they all hung out in my apartment. I could call Karen but I'm a tad embarassed. Tonight I'm mosdef just takin it easy and cleaning. Although cleaning, combined with the flier attached to my door, have convinced me that it is time to hire a maid. It's unacceptable to clean every 3 months. Maria could do it once a week. I'll probably look into that when I get back from Europe. I'll be in Sweden in exactly a week, but I'll have internet access so it'll be like I'm not even gone.

One last random observation. I was driving through a school zone and I looked at the crosswalk sign. Isn't it odd that the man and woman are both carrying attaché cases? Who does that? And why hasn't some rednek complained that the man has a purse yet. Think about it. Peace.

I got my hair did today. It looks incredible. I am so excited. I will take a picture of it soon for all of you loyal Sidesho-viewers. It was by far the most expensive haircut I have ever gotten, and it was by far worth every penny. Money just can't buy the sheer extasy that I get from a killer haircut. I got it done by Xristopher at Pompeo ... he's the new Hannah.

While I was there, they were filming a reality TV show that is based around the salon, the stylists, and exacerbates emphasizes how shallow and pretentious Dallas is. A show about how shallow and pretentious Dallas is ... on the day I'm there having my hair highlighted. Fantastic. They interviewed Xristopher WHILE he was doing my hair, and asked him to please turn me more toward the camera. So I think I'm totally going to be on this new reality TV show on TLC. I forget what they were calling it, it's something like Chic Dallas or something stupid. How funnoying.

I just invented a new word. Did you notice?

Tonight is Brent and Levi's housewarming party. Last night Ryan Short and I drank SO much straight vodka while dancing in our pj's to Neil Diamond that it would make you sick. I know it made me sick. So my body is really crying to stay home, but my liver says to go out ... and you should always listen to your liver. So much iron. I'm off! Czech you skillets on the flip side.

So I ended up going out and getting hammered tonight. I share this with you only to inform you that the update of my webpage got severely interrupted by said drinking. I won't have a chance to fix it just yet because I am going to Oklahoma City to meet my new niece as soon as I wake up tomorrow (afternoon).

Everything still works even if it looks jacked. I promise to fix it as soon as I am back/sober. Thank you for your understanding. This is the shortest post ever.

This morning I was having a hard time getting anything done at work. My cubicle is smack dab in the middle of the office hustle and bustle. I have several high talkers in my immediate vicinity, people who check their voicemail on speaker phone, innumerable cell phones ringing with a myriad of different tones and diddies, and then on top of all that is the drone of business going on. The only way I can really concentrate on what I'm doing is to wear my headphones, but then I'm listening to music and that doesn't really help me program much either.

So I decided I would work at a library for the afternoon. First, I got a quick lunch at Whataburger. The guy who carries around the tray and asks you if you want more ketchup noticed my Aggie ring and asked about it. I told him what it was and he said, "Oh, I got an engineering degree. I was in the military for a while so I was 27 when I finally got my degree. I was working for WorldCom when we all got laid off. I was in California then and just moved here." I told him I worked as an engineer and he inquired if we were hiring. I told him we were always taking applications. You know, I learned something today from this man. I always look down on the help, but you never know their story. You really can't judge a book by its cover. Then again, this guy looked like a dirty, dirty liar.

Engineers don't work at Whataburger.

When I finally arrived at the library, I got down to business. I finally got a chance to familiarize myself with a new project properly by reading all the material I had and listing out what all I needed to program. Very productive. When I got to a stopping point, I let my eyes wander and ended up reading books for a while. There was a book called How to Read a Book. I wanted to go sit in a high traffic area and hold it upside down with my brow furrowed and see how many people might stop and help.

So once the productivity slipped, I decided to finish out the day at home, and that's where you find me now. I just thought I'd take a quick break to let you all know the 411. I hope you all enjoy your Freitag. You're either in or you're out. Auf Wiedersehen.

I can count on one finger the number of times that I have updated my webpage drunk. For those of you a little slow on the uptake, that means that I've only done this once before. Kudos to anybody who can tell me the date of that entry. I say "kudos to anybody" but really all I mean is "kudos to Chevy" because she's the only one who would actually take the time to ascertain said information.

I went to happy hour tonight with Andy. We drank a lot of beer. I smoked a lot of cigarettes. I have got to quit smoking more often because nothing makes a cigarette taste better than the seasoning of unrequited lust. Oh my god it was delicious. My apartment aroma is making me wet at the moment because Andy is cooking us a couple of ribeyes while I sip red wine. Having a roommate has its perks.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LESLIE. I am so random. Being drunk is like riding a bicycle. You never forget how much you need to get drunk ... and you never forget how much you want to get drunk. *takes sip of cheap red wine*

It's not just the title that used to be clever. I had at least 6 awesome stories to tell you all before I went to happy hour. One of them I remember was commentary on how good my mood was because I wasn't drinking. "It's impossible to be completely happy while ingesting that much of something called a depressant," I was going to say. But that was before the utter ecstacy I feel right now having had like 8 beers. YAY!

I love you all and I wish you could be as happy as I am right now. Oh shit, I was going to catalogue the results of Febrehabruary. That's right. I lost 11 pounds. 11 fucking pounds of alcoholic weight. I look good, I feel good ... I am good, g*d damnit. I love you all immensely. More info when I sober up (which may be never) HAAAAAAAAAAAA

I went out again last night despite vowing that I never would. Once again, I was rather annoyed by the drunk people and left early. You don't have to be drunk to have fun in a club, but I firmly believe you need a couple drinks just to take the edge off of what is an overwhelmingly obnoxious situation. I mean, look at it objectively. It's dimly lit except for a few neon and strobe lights, the music is so loud that conversation is virtually impossible, and people are packed in and stumbling over each other. You're going to want to have a few beers if you're going to last the whole night.

The thought had occured to me after Febrehabruary that I might invent Marehabch and Aprehabil. By the time I hit May, I would have no choice but to resume drinking until Septemberehab, and that's just not clever. Even though Febrehabruary was a great success and one of the best months of my life (I'll have a final tally for you when it's truly over) I don't feel the need to repeat it immediately. This could become a yearly ritual for me, though. If I've learned anything from a month of sobriety, and I like to think that I haven't, it's that drinking isn't bad or wrong, but moderation is key. In this spirit, I bought myself a nice bottle of wine to drink on Tuesday. I'm fucking retarded.

I don't think I ever announced this, but I am incorporating wine bottles into the decoration of my kitchen. If any of you drink wine often, or just happen to have an occasional bottle lying around, save it for me because I could use about 20 empty bottles, and that will take me DAYS to accumulate. Thanks.

Well, I think its just about time for me to go cook a dry chicken breast while living vicariously through Contessa With Her Shoes Off. Then I'll drink a few gallons of water so I can sweat it out in yoga. I am so v. busy and important. Check you skillets later.

My new roommate, Andy, moved in on Saturday. It's only been a few days, but it's been pretty fun having a roommate again. There are pros and cons to both styles of living, naturally, but its nice to have someone to watch TV with, someone to motivate you to eat less and workout more, and someone who goes to bed at a decent hour, so I do also. Andy is a coworker of mine who got hired at the same time as me but works in Houston. He's here for about 10 weeks for training, but I'll be in Europe for the middle three of those weeks, so it's really just like 3 and 3.

He's a personal trainer in his free time, so he took me to 24 Hour Fitness these past two days to give me a few work out hints. It was really informative, but g*d, I hated pretending that I was going to sign up for a membership, so I'm not going anymore. I gave them a fake number and the fucking guy tried to call me today to tell me about some great deals, so I was totally busted when we walked in. I continued lying through my teeth about it being a real number. I felt so much like Thommi.

I am really trying to lose 10 pounds before I go to Sweden. That is totally doable, according to my live-in trainer, but I think it involves not being a gluttonous pig. Maybe I should just learn to love myself the way I am, since I simultaneously find myself entirely too skinny and entirely too fat. But it doesn't really fucking matter when I wrap myself up in my brand new wardrobe. I went on a bit of a spree this weekend with my personal shopping assistant, Mr. Sean Wardle. A cool grand later, I have some kickass new clothes to wear to the office at headquarters. I also got this jacket that makes me weak in the knees ... from Source Paris, of course. You wish you had this jacket.

I feel like I had a lot more to say before I started. A phone call from JennyCole and a phone call from 27 confirmed the fact that I have nothing to say. Both of them abruptly ended our conversations when I sat silently with the phone to my ear. I promise to fill you all in when I have something to say.

Tonight a friend of mine was having her birthday party at Republic, a bar in Uptown. I almost didn't go, but at the last minute, sitting around my apartment, I jumped in the shower (despite that being SO dangerous) and got to the party around midnight. I have some stories that might be slightly embarassing, so to protect the innocent, we'll just call my friend "Amanda" (because that's her name). It was the first time I've been to a bar since we began this experiment. The temptation to drink was high, but not insurmountable. I eventually had to get a double tonic and tonic with a twist of lime so I'd have something to do with my hands.

Amanda was making me a tad uncomfortable. I have a few observations about drunk people that I will henceforth dispense for your reading pleasure. Drunk people may intend to whisper, but in fact are quite audible. One of her friends made a comment about some guy being gay, and Amanda said to me, "That's the pot callin' the kettle black!" The guy then turned to ME and says, "What is that supposed to mean?" I was like what the hell, I didn't say anything. So I played it dumb answering each of his questions with a question. He eventually got distracted. Some of my other favorite "whispered" messagers were, "That guy has a whooooole lot of facial structure going on," and, "That girl's entire bra is hanging out!" Each of them resulted in me getting a dirty look.

Another thing I noticed is that drunk people all stand too close and are all close talkers. I was doing all I could to do the stance where you put all your weight on your back foot and portrude your other leg out creating a boundary they cannot penetrate. Then you lean way back to get a couple more inches of clearance. Of course, this exacerbates the first problem of saying things too loudly.

Drunk people also like to drag you into uncomfortable situations. Amanda was there with a guy she's been dating for like 8 months. When she went to the restroom, he told me about how their mutual office was having a couples night out, and when Amanda got the email about it she replied saying she was single. He wanted me to explain what she was doing. Now, I've known this girl for the majority of my life but I've probably talked to her a total of 4 times in the past 6 years. Hardly credentials for decyphering her relationship for her "boyfriend." Very uncomfortable.

I had a nice time though and I wish her the best on her second 23rd birthday. Tomorrow I might go out to the gay bars. I miss my friends. First, I'm hoping to do some serious shopping in preparation of Sweden. I need to be around to give my new roommate his key sometime tomorrow. Oh, did I forget to mention that I have a roommate now? Laaaaaaate.

I decided to take another day off work. My sleep sched was all wonky from sleeping all day Monday and I wasn't feeling quite 100% although I am much, much better. Plus, when you douche out the work stall, people don't really want you to return too soon. I left the alarm off in anticipation of sleeping in as late as I wanted on a week day -- a rare treat.

OR IS IT, SEAN? At the ripe old hour of 10:00am, I get a rude awakening from Sean Wardle who is stranded on the side of the street with a flat tire. Wouldn't have been an issue if his spare wasn't already on his car. Sigh. Ever the helpful friend, I got out of bed, slapped on some clothes and picked him up. First, we had to go pick up his paycheck. I got to see Ryan Short and see where he works. It is the most fabulous warehouse I have ever seen. Then we went and cashed said paycheck in order to pay for the tow truck. Okay, all of this is leading somewhere; bear with me. While we waited for the tow truck, we sat and discussed hair. Duh.

Sean said something to the effect of, "Blah blah blah bah bah got my hair relaxed blah bah blab blah." Hark?! I thought only women of African descent got their hair relaxed. This was an option for me? I got on the horn with my friend Chad who works at Toni & Guy and booked myself an appointment for the afternoon. A hair procedure I have never done before? You know, just when you think the world is going to end because you woke up at 10, jesus swoops in and shows you that everything happens for a reason.

This is the greatest invention of all time. I haven't been this excited about my hair since I discovered the flat iron. It smelled pretty bad, but it didn't burn at all. Apparently this is a new product more tailored toward fair-haired members of society so it isn't as harsh. I don't like to think of it as relaxing my hair, thats too harsh, I like to think I chillaxed it. When I step out of the shower now, it already looks like I've spent 30 minutes flat ironing. It's incredible. I've been using your product for a day now, and I'm still excited.

Is it ironic that something called "straightening" has made me even gayer?

I hung out with my mother all night because I had to file my taxes with my dad. Let's just say my tax refund is about 3X what I was expecting. Whoo hoo PAR-TAY! Instead of my cardio workout, I sat around eating cheesecake and ice cream with my mother. She doesn't like the idea of me trying to lose weight, but I think that's because her loving-mother-vision penetrates my multiple layers of viscous whale fat. Alas, it was a good time. I guess I'll go to work tomorrow in hopes that I can keep from upchucking during the day. g*d, that's so unbecoming. Later, skids.

Happy Valentines Day, sluts! Mine started off with a bang! Normally on Vday, I drink a whole lot. This has been a tradition for the past 5 years. I was kind of at a loss wondering how I would celebrate (or exactly the opposite of celebrate) this year. I got my answer in the form of disease.

I went to work this morning and was blissfully programming along when all of a sudden it felt like someone had turned the heat on. I rolled up my sleeves and kept going. A few minutes later it felt like someone was holding a blow dryer to my face. I was sweating profusely and had like the top 4 buttons undone on my shirt. I could feel the heat pouring out of my shirt on my chin. One of my co-s walked by and I was like, "Hey, is it really, really, really, really hot in here?" and he was like "Uhhhh no ... you don't look so good let me feel your forehead ... damn, you are on fire." And then this other guy walked by and was like, "David, seriously, you are WHITE." Never the one to lose my sense of humor, I was like, "Okay, okay, I know I need to start tanning, this is hardly the time to bring it up."

A few more minutes and it was to the races! A race to the facilities that is. Yes, dear friends, I started off the day with a technicolor yawn in the work bathroom. How embarassing. And to add to the embarassment, this is the first work day after I told one of the managers I was bulemic. We went to a pizza buffet for lunch and I was like, "Ugh, I don't need another piece but I'm going to have one. Not like it matters, I'm just gonna throw it up when we get back to the office." Now he probably thinks I was just regurgitating my breakfast. Great.

After a few more jokes (including calling it a technicolor yawn) I was prodded out the door by everyone who did not want whatever it was that I have. Everyone has been sick in my department this year except for me and one other guy. And we had bet lunch on who would succomb to the bug this year first. Damnit, now I owe him lunch. I think it was Raul who said he hates it when people say "there's a bug going around" because its like saying "it's not the heat, it's the humidity." I thought that was funny.

Alright, kids, it's time for me to fall back asleep. This being sick thing isn't half bad. I hope you're all having a much better Valentine's Day than me. Woe is me! To be sick on my second favorite made-up holiday after Easter! I wish you all lots of action on this manufactured day for gratuitous sex, and I'll catch you all ... on the flip side. Peace.

Bonsoir, mes amis! Wie geht es ihnen? Jag hoppa det du er all gör brunn. This past week I bought CDs for French, German and Swedish so I could get a head start on learning all the languages I'll need during my European adventure. I already speak German, and Swedish is (from what I know thus far) a lot like it. So really, I'm just trying to pick up some basic French phrases to get a hotel room and a menu. Good times, good times. You don't want to ride in the car with me though. It's totally annoying. But I should be quadri-lingual by April.

This weekend I went to a party at Adam's house up in Denton. Good christ, Denton is far away. It was a pretty big milestone for me because it was the first time I've subjected myself to some good old fashioned binge drinking that I know and love so much without partaking. They were all downing cheap beers and chain smoking and I wanted to participate sooo bad, but I resisted. And not only did I stay clean, but I had a really good time hanging out and getting to know people I'd never met before. Maybe I do still have social skills, and I just never let myself realize it.

This is off topic, but I have to ask. What the hell is up with fat, old men in the gym locker rooms? It's like they refuse to put some fucking clothes on. I guess their wives won't let them walk around naked at home so they do it at the gym? It is so weird. If you're a fat old man who reads my webpage and walks around naked in locker rooms, please fill me in cause you're all making me nauseous.

Speaking of the gym, if things continue to go as well as they have with Febrehabruary, I plan on partying March 1st and then going right back to my sober ways. I am saving so much money and losing so much weight. I could never have fathomed that it would go this well.

Ryan Short sent me an article about people being fired from their jobs based on what they say in their blogs. It kind of put the fear of g*d in me. My webpage is laden with material that should rightfully lead to my termination. I think I'm going to go through and hide some of the entries for the time being while I figure this out. In the meantime, I'm going to refrain from discussing work explicitly and avoid mentioning any projects I'm working on by name if I do. Hope it doesn't leave you all wanting.

Now, I am still drenched in sweat from yoga, so it is time to showah. Peace, you have-nots.

I found out today that my trip to Sweden is a definite. I have to buy a plane ticket by the end of the week departing on April 2nd. I'm way too excited. But see, the thing is, I figured as long as I'm in the neighborhood, there is no sense in not seeing some of Europe. How often do you get to fly across the pond for free, right? So instead of returning to the USofA on April 16th after two weeks of new product testing, I'll be returning sometime around April 21st. That'll give me 5 days to galavant around Germany and France.

I've never been a big sight seer, as anyone who has ever vacationed with me will know. So my only two goals, in reality, are to eat sausage and saurkraut with mustard in Germany washed down with a nice tall Weissbier, and to have a croissant and a glass of red wine in France. I hope they serve Messina Hof.

The reason I need everyone's advice is to ask what else I should do while I'm there. Keep in mind that if I want to SEE something, I will google it. I am looking for things to DO. This could also affect how long I decide to stay. I'm still trying to get ahold of my friends in Germany which would be awesome. But that would mean I am going to Munich again when I'd really like to see Berlin.

I dunno. Maybe afterwards I'll go to Bed, Bath & Beyond, I dunno if I'll have time.

This morning promised to put me in a fowl mood (quack! quack!) since I had to get up at the ass crack of dawn to go back to the pits of the DFW Airport. I have gotten rather surly about going on sites, so people know they damn well better be good and ready for me to be there before they ask me to go somewhere. If there is no power, or no communication lines run, then I can essentially do nothing. I could crawl up in the ceiling and run wires like Trey does ... but my jeans cost a lot more than his. So I grudgingly obliged to be dragged back to what I have come to believe is my own personal hell under the veiled promises of EVERYTHING being wired. I was assured that the ONLY thing left to do was download my program and verify it. Pschah. I didn't believe it for a second. Sure enough, we get out there and power hasn't even been hooked up. To put a cherry on this clusterfuck, there were problems with the permits that might take two weeks to clear up. DFW can suck a nut. So now I'm in a bad mood. I decided to try and apologize to myself for making me get up early and drag myself out to DFW with a taquito. So I left work and got a taquito and slowly enjoyed it. Luckily, I go pretty easy on me and decided to forgive myself. Soon after, it was time for lunch where I shoveled BBQ into my face like it was going out of style. Free Fried Pie Tuesdays in full effect, ya'll. I would tell you all a story about me, Michael McNeff, and fried pies, but it's much to long and will have to wait for another day. Anyway, since all pleasure in my life is now derived from food, I was thrilled when my mother called and asked me to go out to dinner with her since my dad was going to a Mavericks game. Score! Pan seared grouper with a citrus sauce and steamed vegetables at Fridays? Sign me up! The real reason I'm so happy about all the good food that I ate is that when I went to go work out I weighed myself again and I lost another pound! w00t! That puts me at -3 from the starting gate. Things are looking up, kids. Oh, and also, my mom gave me my Valentine's Day present. It's her foot massager that she never uses, so I am now enjoying the most wonderful foot massage ever. All in all today was a good day. There were a few bumps here and there, and my mood has been irratic lately, but I'm doin alright. Now, who wants some unflavored popsicles?!

Last night I had a dream that prom was that night. Somehow I had managed to completely forget about the entire gala. Looking back, maybe it was because I haven't been in high school for damn near six years, but try explaining that to my subconscious. I hastily got ready and went to the dance stag. Open bar, dude! I rationalized with myself that since it was prom, and prom is a big deal, it would be okay if I had one drink. Which led to another, and then another, and then another. As I sat outside enjoying my buzz and finishing off my last cigarette, I contemplated how I was going to justify this transgression to you, my readers -- whether or not I would reset my counter, but knowing ultimately that I had to.

G*d damnit, my brain is starting to wonder where the alcohol is, and it is not going to be happy when it doesn't get it any time soon. The other fun part of my dream is that Yale Chris was there. But he was with his new boyfriend, which in and of itself was not the problem, except that the new boyfriend was his identical twin, and they were dressed the same. And to top it all off, they were doing LSD from a stamp on this other boy's hand since all of his friends from the University of Wisconsin (???) had joined him at Plano's prom. He tried to get me to lick his hand, but I wouldn't. At least I still have SOME integrity in my dreams.

Yesterday somebody asked me if I was going to watch the Super Bull and I got all up on my high horse and was like, "Derrrr, the Super Bull was last week." Whoopsadaisy! Isn't this thing always in the last week of January? It is already fucking Febrehabruary. Get on the ball (no pun intended). So now I'm hoping somebody today will ask me if I'm watching the Super Bull because now I can say, "NO, but I am watching the Supper Bowl!" The Food Network is having a marathon during the silly little game of nothing but Paula Dean. G*d, I love her. How do you like that massage, Mr. Turkey? So my day is full.

And since I am decided NOT hungover this morning, which is odd for a Sunday, I am definitely going to make it to yoga today, which is good news. Then it's on to face a week at work having had no release this weekend. Wish me luck.

Huzzah! I made it through my first Friday night without so much as a sip of my intoxicating lover, ethanol. I can tell you one thing: It was not easy. First, I left work early to go play pool with my coworkers for Trey's birthday. We played 10-ball, which was new to me, but a really fun game. I lost $7. Apparently you're not allowed to gamble in these pool halls, so when we got busted, we had to quickly cover by saying that we were all exchanging money to pay for beer. We were obviously not paying for beer. But they were all drinking it. The sweet aroma wafting through the air, mixing and intertwining with the acrid smell of freshly burnt tobacco. "Just get a beer!" they would say. And I declined. I stayed for about an hour, but after my few glasses of water, I had to get out of there.

Onto a dinner date thing with my new friend Adam. He was dreadfully late, but kept consistent communication all night. I always tell people, I don't care if you're late or have to cancel if you just fucking call and let me know. That is really the key. So I awarded him points for that. Cheddars (not my choice) was packed. Apparently this is a big Friday night destination for fat, straight people. Since it was so crowded, we opted for two empty seats ... at the bar. Neither of us were hungry so we chit-chatted and split the spinach dip. I had about 26 glasses of water while Adam enjoyed three margaritas on the rocks "with a little stank on em." He also inhaled about a half a pack of cigarettes. "Just get a margarita. I won't tell anyone," he insisted. And I declined. He had made plans to go out that night, and Ryan Short and I were supposed to have a movie night so we parted ways early.

Ryan and I went to the new Wal-Mart Neighborhood store here and got some Moolenium Crunch ice cream (the best) and a couple of magazines to read. We endulged in our Friday night pleasures and watched my copy of the Phantom. (Shhhh, don't tell the federal government.) Ryan didn't like it. I did, but I slept through it. Earlier that evening Ryan asked if I wanted something to drink. My choices were orange juice, water or wine. Wine? Ryan's Febreviewary has different rules than my Febrehabruary. In his month, he has only to avoid buying alcohol in an effort to save money. So previously owned wine is well within the rules. And I ... I declined.

Omega, I just realized. Alcohol is, like, my own personal jesus christ. All before the cock crowed, I denied it three times.

Hehe, I said "cock"

Man, I know it's only Day 3, but this is HARD. It's not so much that 3 days have transpired; it's more that 3 days where I think about nothing other than how I'm not drinking have transpired. It's a tad disturbing just how much of my life is closely associated with the consumption of alcohol. For example, I went to On the Border (OTB to the cool kids) last night with JonSteed and all I could think about was how an ice cold Corona would wash down the salsa burn and a pitcher of margaritas with salt would make the perfect dessert. Or like when I realized it was half-priced martini night at the Velvet Hookah and my friend, the owner, owes me a night of free drinks. Or like this morning when I woke up and brushed my teeth without a pick-me-up.

Day 3 is always a milestone. The combination of no drinking and no smoking is a killer. But what doesn't give me cirrhosis, only makes me stronger. This weekend will be the first real test. Especially since coworkers are going out to drink beer and play pool for Trey's birthday and I'm accompanying them all. I've already warned them that if they give me a hard time about not drinking that I won't be attending.

I suppose I should explain my title: Bury the dishes! We tried out this new Mexican restaurant by my office today. It's right next to El Chicos, so every Wednesday on Enchilada Day, after we're done picking teams, we always say we should try this Taqueria Arandas. So today we did just that. Their sign outside, their menu, and their boards inside all said, "Sabroso... Sabrosito!" None of us speak gibberish so we asked the waitress what that means.

She said, in a very thick accent, "Mmm, sabroso is dishes ... dishes and sabrosito is hmm bury the dishes." I paused. I digested what she'd just said. I asked her to repeat herself. "Bury the dishes." Again, I paused. Not wanting to make a scene, I said, "Ahh okay, yeah ... thanks." After she walked off, I asked the other people around the table what the hell "bury the dishes" meant. Coworker Adam and I decided that it meant that they had such big portions of food that it buried the plate, and that it must not have been a literal translation and that's why she had a hard time telling us. Then my boss goes, "What are you guys talking about?

"She said, 'Delicious. Very delicious.'"

Day 1 of sobriety gone and done. How easy could this be? Since my rehabilitation experiment opening day fell on a workout cardio day, I decided to hit it extra hard. I rode the stationary bike for 15 minutes as a warm up and then did that fucking elliptical machine for a solid hour. Holy crap, my knees are all swollen up and I sweat my ass off. The last time I had my heart beat at 160 bpm for over an hour was ... well ... I can't even make a sex joke there because that would be false.

Although my progress will all be relative to today, I do want to share with you all some of my achievements as of late. Not only did I double my cardio time, but I doubled the amount that I bench press. Also, instead of gaining 5 lbs every week like I had been for the past few weeks, this time, I lost 2 lbs. Kick ass. But today is ground zero. This is what all progress will be measured against. I'm really hoping that 28 days from now will be this huge success story. Something akin to Celebrity Fit Club.

Ryan Short has decided to join me in my quest for Febrehabruary. (That's rehab in February, for any of you who haven't put that together yet.) Except Ryan has put his own spin on it. By not drinking, he is attempting to see as many movies as he can in an experiment he has dubbed "Febreviewary." G*d, I have clever friends. JonSteed has recently moved back to Dallas (thank jebus, Houston is the armpit of the world) and is intrigued by Febrehabruary. He's decided to join my quest. He doesn't have a witty name for his yet, though. I've decided that as added incentive, any of my readers who don't drink for the 28 days of February (those who normally would drink ... and those who aren't dirty liars AND alcoholics) are invited to go out with me on March 1st. All drinks are me! Yippee!

Maybe I shouldn't think about drinking this early on.

My final weekend of going out prior to Febrehabruary was a stunning success. Raul never came, nor did he ever call. Disaster? No, time to call in the pinch hitter. Marshall was looking for a weekend outside of College Station so I told him to come see me. After blatantly ignoring all of my directions about 4 times, and circling the greater DFW metroplex, he finally arrived at my apartment.

For the next 4 hours Marshall got ready to go out. It wasn't a big deal that he took forever applying makeup since we were waiting on his friendgirl to get here. The girl was dreadfully abrassive. After I gave her directions to my apartment, she called Marshall's phone and said, "I'm here." We each took one final look in the mirror and put our shoes on before she called again. I answered and she said, "I SAID I was HERE so get your fuckin ass DOWN HERE." And I replied, "I beg your pardon? Do you think this is Marshall?" And she said, "I don't give a shit who it is, I SAID GET DOWN HERE." What a lovely way to introduce yourself to someone who has invited you to their apartment and offered to drive you downtown. It was pretty typical behaviour for her, it turns out.

We had a good time out at the bars with the whole gang. Since we arrived at 12:30am there wasn't much time to get a good buzz going. We did our best though. The night wound down with some dancing at S4. The next day, I took Marsha to the West Village for some real shopping. I forced him to try on some expensive clothes, but he didn't end up buying anything. I, on the other hand, bought a wonderful magickal shirt. It is the coolest shirt ever. It has a big sequin and beadwork butterfly on the back. I got so many compliments on it, its not even funny. Even though, it did make me laugh.

That night, we went back to S4, with Tagalong McIllmannered in tow again. I was looking good, feeling good, and got hit on for the first time in far too long. I probably got hit on by 26 people.

I have a bottle of vodka and a handful of beers (well, not a literal handful, cause that's just one) in the fridge that need to go away before Tuesday. I'm gonna blue bell it. That's a noun I just verbified to mean that I'm gonna drink all I can and give away the rest. If anybody wants my leftovers or wants to come over on Monday to help me dispose of it, let me know. I'll be contacting you all next from the land of sobriety. Laaaaaaaaate!

I spent the better part of today in the bowels of the DFW Airport. I wish you all could have heard my inner monologue as I walked around the caverns. I am flabbergasted that my life's path has led me to this. I have to go back tomorrow and possibly Wednesday. If this goes on beyond Wednesday, I will be looking for a new job. It is completely ridiculous to send me to places like this. They seem to assume I have some massive background experience with hands-on work, probably because everyone else I work with has at least 15 years of experience as building engineers and shit. I program. I like computers. The most voltage I ever saw in college was 5 volts. Now they're handing me a hard hat, a screw driver, and shoving me into 480 volt transformers and expecting me to know what to do. How many times do I have to fucking repeat this, people? Electrical engineers ARE NOT ELECTRICIANS. Some of it was kind of neat, I have to admit. I would love to see a show about the HVAC system on the Discovery Channel. They have one central plant that handles the cooling for the entire airport. You can't imagine how big these chillers are. Chillers make cold water and then pump it around to cool down the air that blows into the offices and terminals and stuff. There were at least 4 of them, maybe more, and each one was about as big as an airplane. Then there are cooling towers that use evaporation to cool down water. Each one of these was a round tower about the diameter of a basketball courth length-wise. They had huge fans blowing air through the water, and we walked down to the sump, which was a little more like Niagra Falls than an air conditioner. At least in my experience ... which is NONE. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow but I'm trying to keep a positive attitude. I'm not shaving today or tomorrow and I dropped by Target to get a shirt for work tomorrow. Hopefully I'll at least mildly look the part. My boss always pulls me aside when we're on site and explains the most BASIC concepts of HVAC to me in front of everyone else on the site. I don't think he's consciously trying to destroy any credibility I might have, but if he were, this is how he would do it. I know I've only worked there six months, but come on, I have managed to retain the slightest bit of information in that time. If any of you know of any positions open in your offices ... jobs where you don't have to put your physical well being on the line ... please let me know about them. Sorry to be a downer, but this kind of shit just really rubs me the wrong way. Hopefully this will all be over soon and I can get back to sleeping at my desk. Ugh.

I apologize for my recent absence from the internet, but I assure you, I have been completely powerless. That is to say that my power cord still does not fit in my computer. For some reason, when I got home from work today (at 3:30 -- RAWK) the charge light was on and I was fully charged. I haven't even touched the thing all weekend, so that was weird, but welcome. I'm going to have to take the ol' porn player to Best Buy and have them ship it off to their service department. Hopefully they can fix it and hopefully its under warranty.

I finally went to a yoga school yesterday. I found this Addison Yoga place right by my apartment. They do hot yoga. Hot yoga is just like regular yoga, but its hot. Like really hot. They keep the room at about 100 degrees the entire time. I sweat my ass off. But I really, really liked it. It's only 15 bucks per class, or 12 if you buy a pass. I will probably do this at least once a weekend. I've already drummed up some interest from Lil Jarrod to join me. I think everyone should be doing this, it was so choice.

Today marks the first day of my 5-a-week workout schedule. I'd been going at least 4 times a week, sometimes more, up until the holidays and then I totally fell off. But my friend Greg from New York, he's kind of weird, and he signed up at my gym. So now I have a workout buddy. We both made it perfectly clear that we didn't want to work out together, though. We just want to carpool to the gym in order to motivate each other to stick with it. This is gonna be so great. The next time I show myself in public, I'm gonna be so hot. And by 'hot' I mean that my biceps are gonna be as big as my beer gut.

I'm not sure when I'll be able to address you all again. Thanks for your patience while we struggle through this predicament together. I am gonna send my computer off on Saturday so if I happen to wake up fully charged, I'll update before I let it go. Otherwise, I'll just have to scrounge around and see whose computer I can use. I really wanted to be able to keep you all up to date on my Frehabruary experiment. (I just now came up with that name, I kinda like it.) It's coming up so fast. I can't wait. Oh, and all my expenses got sorted out including the rat bastards at the Velvet Hookah. The owner called and apologized and offered me free drinks. Anyone wanna go?

Oh, and Raul, you should call me since you're impossible to get a hold of. I am still fully expecting you to come up the last weekend in January for my alcoholic swansong. The rest of you, refrain from calling, I get so annoyed when my phone rings. Thaaaaanks.

I am so sick of painting. I feel like I've been painting for weeks. That might be because I've been painting for weeks. I'm not into that "buckle down and get things done" kind of manual labor, so I've been doing a little here, a little there. I have one more coat on one more wall of my living room and I am done, done, done with the kitchen and the living room. Then it's on to the bedroom. I bought a pretty dark color for the dungeon of a bedroom I have planned -- a veritable shrine to hangovers. Ironically, I'll be spending my sober month to accomplish this... or is that appropriate?

As soon as I finish up, you will all be the first to see pictures. I'm not sure how comfortable I am having complete strangers knowing what the inside of my apartment looks like, but whatever. It's not like I have anything worth stealing. If I got robbed, it would really just save me the trouble of moving my old stuff out. (I keep the extra key under the welcome mat.)

(I don't even have a welcome mat.)

I put too much money into savings this month. I did it on purpose, to make sure I'd run out of money before I could spend it all. But now, I'm sitting home with no money and it kind of sucks. I need to stay home and paint anyway, and I've got 14 beers in the fridge screaming out for me. Perhaps I will combine these two activities.

I called Owen today because I haven't talked to him since he graduated. I asked him what he was doing and he replied, "Sleeping." I was really asking him what he was doing in life, but I had a feeling the answer to that would be the same, so I let it slide.

On a lark yesterday, as I sat in my green leather throne watching Food Network with my laptop in hand, I decided to see if I could find a grocery delivery website. Duh, Albertsons.com! This is the greatest concept I have ever been privy to. You log onto their website and shop either through virtual aisles, alphabetically, or search for brands and products. Then you put them into your shopping cart. And naturally every item has a picture next to it. And then when you've got everything you need, you order it with your credit card and then choose a window of time when you will be home. Since they deliver perishable items, you have to be there to get it. They said they'd be here from 1 to 2:30, and at straight up 1, the delivery guy was at the call box.

The best part was, I had about 8 bags of groceries and I didn't have to lift a finger to get them. I didn't have to get in my car or drive to the store. I didn't have to push a squeaky cart with one fucked up wheel through and around the soccer moms who close their eyes when they walk. I didn't have to wait in line or scan my own items. I didn't have to swipe my own card. And thank you jebus, I didn't have to carry those bags up the stairs in two or three trips.

I encourage all of you to log on and see if the service is available to you. The first delivery was free. Subsequent deliveries are 10 dollars but that is SO worth it to me. You can also do pick up and pay 5 bucks for that. They gather it all together for you, and you've already paid for it online. So cool. Congratulations, Albertsons, you have officially made my fucking day. This, along with Netflix, is getting me nearer my goal of never doing anything for myself ... ever.

I normally wouldn't admit to this, but I got stood up tonight. The only reason I'm sharing this with you is because none of you will ever believe that I just decided to stay home and sober of my own accord. I wanted to meet at 8 for dinner, but he had to work until 10. Okay, that's kind of late, but no worries. So I wait until 10. Then I wait until 11, when I call him. He said he would call me RIGHT back, so I wait until midnight and now I've been stood up and it's too late to make plans with somebody else. I have a few options at this point. I'm all dressed and the hair is did, so I can go out to the bars alone and hope to find somebody I know. I can stay home and clean like I desperately need to do. Or I can go to the gym and work off a little steam.

Yay for 24 hour gyms! I had the best time there having the entire facility to myself. There are just things you can do when you're alone that you won't do when a bunch of people are around. First, I took over the entire studio and put my yoga mat smack dab in the middle of the room and did yoga for about 45 minutes. It felt so good. I haven't taken the time to do it right in so, so long. I don't want to do that when a bunch of people are walking around and would be watching me.

Then I went and lifted a few weights. But I decided to see if I could do the bench press with free weights. This is something else you can't do when all the meat heads and gym bunnies are lumbering around. The last thing I want is someone to have to help me pick the empty bar up off of my neck. I am happy to report, dear viewers, that I benched the bar PLUS 20 lbs. Oh yeah. Feel these pecs.

The best part of the night was when I decided to go downstairs and play basketball. Oh yeah, I said basketball. I don't think I've touched a basketball in over a decade, but there was no one around. Hahaha, I was hilariously BAD at it. I probably played for about 30 minutes (until the girl came in to sweep and I got embarassed) and I think I made maybe 3 shots the entire time. This is no surprise to me, I've always sucked at basketball. When I was younger, my dad used to stand on the sidelines and point which direction I should be running, so I would appear to have some semblance of an idea what I was doing. I never made a basket during a game either. But I figured that I'm a lot taller now so maybe I'd be a little better, but that was not the case. I mean, granted I wasn't attempting layups or short shots, but I wasn't doing like Emmit Smith shit either.

It reminded me so much of other sports blunders I've had in my life. I am genetically pre-programmed to suck at sports, so I don't feel bad. I find it pretty amusing. One time my baseball coach got fed up with my batting skills being non-existant so he told me to hit the batting cages over the weekend. My mom paid for me to get 60 pitches. That's 60 balls. 60 individual chances to make contact with a ball thrown by an automated machine in the same spot at the same speed. And I completely whiffed 60 times in a row. Talk about demoralizing.

The night ended with me being brave enough to step onto the scale. I've gained 7 lbs since I started working and officially weigh the most I have ever weighed in my life. Okay, I'm still 8 lbs below my target weight, but I'm perrty sherr that this isn't muscle mass I've gained. Something will have to be done about this asap.

So there's my pathetic night. I hope everyone else drank twice as much to make up for me. Lastly, congrats to Steve the diver who just graduated from Mary Land University. He's talking to me right now and is gonna be home on Wednesday. So that should be fun. Laaaaaaaaaaaate!

Thanksfuckingiving was wonderful. Thanks to all of the Hoffmeisters for having me over and treating me like one of the family. I ask you: Is there any better holy day than Thanksgiving? And I answer: Absolutely not.

News flash! Thommi, his Dan, and I just got back from the Ryan Cabrera concert. You know Ryan Cabrera, right? He sings that one song that goes "Sick and Tired of this world, there's no more air. Trippin' over myself, goin' nowhere. Waiting, suffocating, no direction, and I took a dive. And on the way down, I saw you and you saved me from myself, and I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down, almost fell right through, but I held onto you. I've been wondering why it's only me. Have you always been inside waiting to breathe? It's alright. Sunlight on my face. I wake up and yeah, I'm alive 'cause on the way down, I saw you and you saved me from myself and I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down, almost fell right through but I held onto you. I was so afraid of going under. But now, the weight of the world feels like nothing, no, nothing. Down, down, down. You're all I wanted. Down, down, down. You're all I needed. Down, down, down. You're all I wanted. You're all I needed and I won't forget the way you loved me. All that I wanted. All that I needed. On the way down, I saw you and you saved me from myself, and I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down, I almost fell right through, but I held onto you. Down, down, down. But I held onto you. Down, down, down. But I held onto you."

The concert was really good. He's a very energetic performer. Young people love Ryan Cabrera. Young people and 20-something gay guys. Every guy under 20 had spent the evening getting their hair to spike up like Mr. Cabrera. In short, he has lots of great songs, very talented singer, wicked guitar player.

Guess who was there? Ashlee fucking Simpson. That talentless whore herself. I really thought she was going to get up onstage and sing with Ryan Cabrera, but I guess she forgot her tape.

Thommi is insisting that I mention that before the concert started, Ryan Cabrera was standing literally feet away from us. Neither Dan nor I saw him, but you know Thommi. He gets a little flustered about celebrities.

Tomorrow we're gonna piss the day away spending more money than any of us have. It should be fun. I'll keep you all posted.

Heard this little tid bit on NPR on the drive home tonight: "I never went to high school, but I did go to school high." NPR fucking rawks my hawk. Speaking of hawks, I sported the Dinner-Party Hawk tonight -- a hairstyle I invented just for tonight. Ryan Short had everyone over for Brisquette Française avec les Pommes de Terres et Épi de Maïs. For those of you too lazy to go translate at dictionary.com (guilty), that means hamburgers and freedom fries. Let me tell you ... they were delicious. Originally, Ryan's George Foreman was kaput, so the burgers were raw, but once Jason Hillman went and got his George Foreman ... well, with Ryan at the grill ... the burgers were raw. But they were fucking good and that is all that matters. g*d, don't let me get e.coli. The freedom fries were the hit of the party, despite them being overdone. And by 'overdone', I mean 'done.' Such a fun night. It reaffirmed why it is that I'm here at a time when I so desperately needed a reminder. However, after drinking a few bottles of wine and some decadent beer, I have decided that I'm not going to drink anymore. I'm not going to drink any less, but I'm also not going to drink any more. I am resolving myself to have more weeknights like this. This is what life is about. Life isn't about air conditioning digital controls. Give me a break. In fact, no, I'm not going to work until 10 tomorrow. Fuck that shit. Good night, kids, take inspiration from my defiance. Mwah!

I fucking love Halloween. This year was another holiday in the win column. Ryan Short and I spent the day together, and despite original plans to not dress up, we decided to get something last minute. We had lunch and coffee at Buli, this kickass place down in the gayborhood where they serve your food in a vintage lunch box and employ hotties to serve it to you. While down there we started brainstorming costume ideas. I can't think of any of our failed ideas, but we finally settled on just wearing some sort of sports uniform. For us, that's really a costume and not a cop out since neither of us have played a sport in a decade.

We narrowed our decision to Slutty Soccer Players and found some bright pink soccer jerseys and iron on letters. Since every party we were going to was full of queers, it was no problem that our team name was Flamers, I was number 69, and he was number 8.5. Let me just tell you, we looked really authentic. We even had a small soccer ball and ran a few drills in the bar. There was much drinking to be done, so around 9 when Myke from San Marcos (who now lives in Lewisville) and his friend Ryan from Tech showed up we hit the first party. They were both dressed as Slutty Jungle Boys. Too much fun. And I mean too much fun.

I've spent the entire day in bed and it has been absolutely fabulous. I just woke up from an accidental nap and I'm feelin fantastic.

I have a favor to ask you all. I have been getting repeated phone calls from someone in the Los Angeles area. They called all the time despite that I never answered. It was annoying when they never left a message, so I finally decided to answer. It's always some different person who only speaks Spanish, and they are frantically looking for Maria. I've explained repeatedly that Maria esta no aqui, but they can't get that fucking idea through their head. So in retaliation, I've decided to release their phone number to the public.

I think it would be funny if all of my girl Sidesho-viewers (like biological girls) called this number and pretended to be the long, lost Maria -- especially if you speak Spanish. Guys can call too, and ask for David over and over again or something. Leave me a comment letting me know how it goes. 'Preciate it.

I am truly a resident of Dallas now. Today, I changed my cell phone number to a Dallas area code. While I don't really want to give it out on my webpage, I will tell you that the area code is now 214. Before you scoff at my generosity, consider this: I just eliminated 9,990,000,000 possibilities for you.

Not that any of this really matters. The other day I downgraded my cell phone plan after I realized I wasn't using all of the minutes I was paying for. On my original plan, I was paying for 600 anytime minutes a month. So far this month... I have used 19.

I think I may shave soon. Possibly tonight. Without going into too much detail, I have developed an uncontrollably runny nose, and TRUST ME, having a beard doesn't help matters one bit. I was gonna wait til I got my haircut, but the guy who said he would cut my hair never called me back, and now I changed my number. I don't want to harass him, but I might have to call again.

Despite having bought the blue 2000 Flushes for my toilet, every time I come home, the water in the bowl is red. I flush it and it's blue. I see it a few hours later, and it's red. I cannot fathom how this is possible, but during my investigations, I have effectively tinted my hand blue... seemingly permanently.

And the final thought of the day: I hate buying cigarettes when I'm drunk because I slur the word 'Marlboro' when I'm dead sober.

Fine. I'll post. If I had a nickel for every time Ryan Hudler had left me a comment complaining about the frequency of my blogs ... well, I'd have like 30 cents, which really isn't a lot of money. I doubt I'd even make the hypothetical benefactor pay me that 30 cents, but still, to illustrate my point, that is a lot of times to make those comments. I haven't posted lately, but I have had some awesome ideas for new posts. I've since forgotten them all, but believe me, they would have been hilarious.

Today was supposed to be my moving day, but time conflicts have pushed that back until tomorrow. I am still going to take some of my stuff over there today but the furniture doesn't go until tomorrow. Which means you fuckers don't get to see it until at least tomorrow. But knowing me, it'll be more like next week.

My co-, Trey, is going to take care of moving me. I don't think I ever explained this on here. We have had a pool table in our garage for a long time. I think the last time it was used was like 5 years ago. Trey plays pool 6 nights out of the week in various leagues, tournaments, and pool halls. He has always wanted a pool table but couldn't ever afford one. The only thing we use our pool table for is to play ping pong on top of it like once a year. So I told my dad I would buy him a really nice, brand new ping pong table in exchange for that ratty old pool table we don't even use. I will, in turn, give that to Trey who will then enlist the help of his son and friends, all of the people who would use his new pool table. And in the end, I get more man power, with no time restrictions, for less money. It's what you call a win/win/win/win situation.

At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said "Certainly." He said "Do I need to dial 9?" I say "Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick." I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D". I saw a human pyramid once. It was totally unnecessary. This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... It's dirty.

Those are all Mitch Hedberg quotes, you can read more by clicking his name. I saw him and Stephen Lynch last weekend in Austin. Three words: hi-larious. I liked Mitch a lot better, but that is not to say that Stephen Lynch wasn't brilliant in his lyrics and guitar stylings. That paragraph above is pretty much how the show went. Mitch comes on stage drunk, stumbles a little, leans forward over the table where his sheets of paper with jokes written on them are, his hair falls forward over his face and he proceeds to read on after the other. I think we saw his face once. It's like he went to a school for how to become a comedian and then did the exact opposite. I'm always impressed when comedians with long stand-up acts can tie it all together, or use recurring jokes. Mitch did none of this. Didn't even try. I have a lot of respect for that. It was probably 2 of the 50 funniest hours of my life. Didn't get to go out because Stinky Pants got too drunk, but did manage to drink a whole lot (just not at breakfast).

I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do today besides move. I might go see Scott Mechlowicz's new movie, Mean Creek. I'm pretty sure it's out. And he's so dreamy. My internet will be up and running Monday in the apartment, so don't expect another post before then. But do keep checking back hourly just in case I post from home. Hey Ryan, happy now, fucker?

I just got back from the gym. My heart is still pounding. I am really attacking this workout thing with renewed vigor. I have started swimming again and that feels so good. I swim until I can't breathe and then as punishment for being weak, I swim some more. It's just annoying that every time I go under my cigarette keeps going out. But seriously folks, I swam for about an hour tonight, dried off, donned my workout gear and headed upstairs to run on a treadmill. I'm going to have to find an alternative to this because it is tearing up my knees, but damned if jogging isn't the easiest way to maintain my 180 heartbeats per minute. The ol' vision got a little spotty tonight, but I pushed through it.

As I'm doing this, I can't help but be reminded of the episode of Full House where Deej thinks she's fat and has a swim party to go. So she starts giving away her lunches and Steph catches her and forces her to eat. But really she feeds her sandwich to Comet when she thinks Steph isn't looking. But she did see, only she didn't want to betray the trust of her sister when she made her pinky swear she wouldn't tell anybody. But really she should have because later on at the gym, Deej pushed herself too hard on the cardio equipment and had a black out.

I think we can all learn a lesson from this episode: It is inexcusable to be over weight, and if you are ... just stop eating!

Although, if the writers had had sufficient foresight, they would have made baby Michelle the one with the eating disorder.

Disaster! Co-worker Yue found my webpage. I deleted a few choice entries now that my url is on the office server somewhere deep in the cache. Will have to remain more cognizant of what I write (why do I keep stealing Ryan Short's subjectless sentence style? V. not me).

I'm going to Austin tomorrow to see Stephen Lynch and Mitch Hedberg with the lovely Miss Lesbie Ann, Justin McKee (the one who introduced me to Howie Day in that very city), and hopefully my Brandon, who has yet to get off of work. The show is Saturday night, but I'm gonna go stay with Leslie for an extra day to get some partying out of the way.

Next week ... the move!

I think happy hour may be the greatest invention of all time. Eat your heart out, Albert Einstein! I've endulged perhaps a bit too much in the 5:00 festivities this week, but it has been well worth it. The first night, I was coaxed out by Greg because Mercy Wine Bar in Addison was giving away a free glass of wine to all Addison Circle residents. Okay, I don't officially live there yet, but close enough. This place is fancy schmancy, I fell in love. And Greg is so fun and high class that the two just melded perfectly. We had some cheese that I didn't care for and a glass of red wine. It was tres chic, but we realized the flier said "Complimentary beverage." Emphasis on the singular nature of the offer. We drink to get drunk, so obviously we're not going to stop after one drink.

We walked next door to the Blue Mesa Grill and with a little prodding and hand holding I finally convinced Greg to go get a free quesadilla. We had a couple of Miller Light drafts, got sick of waiting on the dreadful service, threw some cash on the table and walked out. Never one to disappoint a loyal Sidesho-Viewer, I just felt I had to inform you all of how fun Greg is.

Luckily, I had already made plans for the following evening to meet up with Miles for a wine tasting Wednesday. You pay $35 and get to try six different wines. It was tres fab, tres chic, tres educational. We learned all kinds of great ways to describe a wine like 'earthy,' 'huge,' 'fruity,' 'acidic,' 'oakey,' 'peppery,' and 'smooth'. I may or may not have been able to come upon these flavors myself, but to date the most descriptive I've ever gotten with my wine was 'boxed.'

I think I learned a lot, though, and it was a total blast. We were admittedly novices to the game, but we weren't as bad as our new friend Kara who was sitting on the patio straight up reading a book titled Wine for Women. She was in from Minnesota on business and we struck up a conversation about wines. She ended up being the coolest chick ever. After our six wines were over and done, and she had finished what she'd ordered, the three of us split a bottle. A cabernet, if you must know. It was huge. So I drank a little more than I probably should have and opted to go back to Miles' apartment for a couple of glasses of water. I didn't know there would be entertainment too! Apparently our friend Miles is quite proficient on the piano and we shared a few tunes. We ran out of songs that we both knew eventually when I realized it was 12:30am. This is the latest and drunkest I have ever been on a school night. So I high tailed it home.

Boy did I pay for it this morning. I had to go through this training course that I've been in all week with a wine hangover. And I was operating on no sleep. I ended up sleeping away the afternoon and getting called out on it in front of everybody. Fuck. Oh well, luckily I couldn't care less. I have this feeling there were more stories for all of you, but they'll have to wait. It looks like I'm not going to Austin this weekend after all, but still want to wish Brandon a very, very, very happy 21st birthday. He turned 21 on Tuesday. I'm sorry I won't be able to attend his party, but I'll be down on Oct. 2nd for Mitch and Steve so it's all good. The moral of the story? Everybody, grab a friend and get out to Mercy Wine Bar in Addison.

And invite me, too.

Just a quick blog to inform you all of a couple goings-on in my life. I had to say goodbye to our dear friend, RyanC, on Sunday night. In general, I try to avoid posting anybody's full name without expressed written consent, but RyanC, otherwise known by his mother as Ryan Cloutier said that he wanted to be able to google himself. Since I am on the forefront of google technology (which Christine can vouch for), this will surely do the trick. Sidenote: My Google This! prank has TOTALLY worked. Somebody came to my site and searched for "Michael Phelps speedo." HA! Sucker! Anyway, Ryan Cloutier has moved back to Portland, Oregon (the capital of Oregon is Salem, btw). He's going to be a famous movie star and have his own page on IMDB.com ... kinda like Scott Mechlowicz. Scotty's new movie, Mean Creek, is coming out sometime soon, everybody be sure to see it. Anyway, I really didn't get a chance to hang out with Ryan Cloutier but a couple of times, but he was hella fun to go to New Amsterdam CoffeeHaus with and I will forever be in his debt for introducing me to Moudite.

In other news, I got to play with my niece today. She is such a crab apple. Never stops crying. So right before dinner tonight she went into a spell. My mom held her until she fell asleep while we all ate, so when we were done, I seized my opporitunity to hold her so my mom could grub. My niece was born on July 17th, for those of you just joining us. She slept in my arms for about 20 minutes, but I think she had grown accustomed to my mom's boob for a pillow and my collar bone just wasn't a suitable replacement so she eventually woke up. She started crying, but I bounced her around a little bit and she calmed down. She loves looking out the window so I sat in a rocking chair facing the windows in our family room and sat her up on my lap and hummed to her while she stared out the window. I was quite pleased with my performance, since so very little seems to calm her down for an extended period of time. It was really fun getting to see her. Makes me want a baby of my own, though rest assured, I am decidedly not willing to make one.

I just thought I'd throw a couple stories out there. I have too many backlogged, and I don't want them to go to waste. So I blogged before it turned midnight so I can blog again tomorrow. I've only blogged twice on the same day once in my illustrious career ... can anybody name that day? First person to answer correctly wins a free ticket to sit next to me and see Mitch Hedberg and Stephen Lynch at the Paramount in Austin on October 2nd. No joke. Catch you fuckers at a bad time?

... Also, name the movie that last line came from. Then you win. No joke.

I haven't shaved in over two weeks. I was going to try to grow a beard in time for ULDE:IYDKYDG but I think I've decided that it won't be fully grown in in time, so I am going to acquiesce and shave. I might try it again after the party, but I want to be sure I look good. I got a whole new outfit. It's a good thing I'm a total thousandaire or I wouldn't have been able to do that. I am way too excited, Friday can't get here fast enough.

In other news, I have contracted a horrible virus. Or my computer has, rather, before any rumors start. I have decided that I don't want to fuck with it so I'm reformatting my computer. I haven't done this in quite some time and I always get a little sad when I do. But these away messages it makes for me and INCESSANT pop ups are drivin' me nuts! So I thought I'd better update before I do this just in case it goes horribly wrong and I have to throw away my laptop.

I've decided I like my hair. I was a little iffy at first since the bangs are kind of short and it was a dark brown, but now I've found a good way to wear it to work and the brown has faded just a little so it looks more natural. I also don't flat iron it every day anymore so maybe that will allow it to actually grow now. Before I had self servicing hair that would just break off when it reached a certain length, effectively giving me a constant hair cut, one dead, crispy end at a time. I don't really have a route to get there, but I definitely have a destination of where I'd like to be in the future. Trying not to burn my hair off, building up a more impressive wardrobe, and working out are all definitely in the plan though, and all going well.

I will leave you today with a funny story from work. I was in charge of creating these sheets where you could check off that all of these controllers had been programmed and tested and installed correctly and shit. With a place to initial as each step had been accomplished. But then when I was done this guy told me to take them to the jobs' respective engineers so they could "pencil whip" them. I was like, "What the hell does pencil whip mean? Is that kinky?" and he laughed and said, "No, it's nothing dirty." So I'm thinking that to pencil whip a document means to put your signiture on it, or maybe to fill it out. So when I'm done, I email all the people involved (like a whole department) and send out electronic copies of the files and say that this guy would appreciate it if you could pencil whip these and return them to him.

The next day, Trey read the email and started laughing. Apparently, "pencil whip" means to fill out a sheet of paper with falsified information, highly unethical, definitely frowned upon and I had just outted this guy as a pencil whipper. Whoopsie! I thought it was hysterical though. On that note, I'm off to reformat! Wish me luck, fuckers!

I have had so many things to tell you all, but I have, regretably, been far too lazy to put them down in text. I've had a couple grand epiphanies. First, I met my new friend RyanC. He lives in Deep Ellum, an area of town I am completely unfamiliar with. When I told my mother that I was going to Deep Ellum she told me I was going to get shot. But then again, she tells me that about just about everywhere I go so I thought nothing of it. Well, after finally finding RyanC's loft, I parked and we walked to Angry Dog for dinner. On the way, we passed by an agitated truck full of African-American gentlemen angrily throwing their fists in the air and screaming, "Black Power!" I just knew that was a good sign that they would instantly take a liking to me. When they saw RyanC and I, they started yelling, "Fuck the white man. Fuck the facist caucasions. Fuck you, you fucking white devil, you caucasion homosexual facist!" Which, I naturally took offense to, as I am a practicing facist.

But they drove off without incident and we enjoyed a wonderful meal and then drove down to the New Amsterdam Coffeehaus. This is my new favorite bar in all of Dallas. It was all dimly lit with like 40 chandaliers and its all goth inside. I love it. The best part of it is that whatever you order, it comes in a glass specifically designed for that drink, usually provided by the vendor. Proper glassware is so important. RyanC introduced me to what may very well be my new favorite fancy beer -- Moudite. If you ever get a chance to try it, jumponit. My epiphany from this endeavor was that I am wasting my time here in Dallas spending every weekend at JRs, Roundup and TMC. I'm not saying I'll never go there again, but I am going to make a conscious effort to find the good here, so that if someone ever happens to visit me, I can show them the true hot spots.

Last night was Brian's birthday/housewarming party. It was tres chic. Ryan Short and I went shopping during the day and I got a kickass new outfit. But since I wore it to Brian's party, now I need another new outfit for ULDE:IYDKYDG. I looked good though, when, not if, I do say so myself. Brian claimed his party was the social event of the century, naturally making ULDE:IYDKYDG the social event of the millenium. I shouldn't be too sassy about it though, since Brian has gratiously offered us all of his alcoholic left overs to reuse at our party. So it looks like there will be some liquor there, folks. My friend Marc and his friend Filipe joined us at the party. Marc is multi-lingual and uses it to his advantage. Whenever he wanted to say something private to Filipe, he spoke in French, when he wanted to tell me something, he used German. And then when he introduced himself to Chris Jones, he used English, which floored Chris. He was unimpressed with foreign languages, but blown away that he could also speak our native tongue. It was funny.

After the party everyone went over the Minc. But I got a text message from RyanC saying that he was at New Amsterdam CoffeeHaus again, which is like 3 doors down from Minc, so I went there instead. Good times, good times. Had a couple beers there to supplement my already healthy BAC. Ryan Short drove home, naturally.

I had to go to my physical assessment today. Oh yes, kids, I joined a gym finally. I think Burns summed up what I expect to be the general reaction when he responded to my workout away message.

BURNSofive: what are you doing there? is it happy hour?

That should save you all from having to make your sassy comments. At the gym they measured my weight, my body fat, my arm strength, my endurance, and all this shit. It was kinda cool. The computer says that I have the body of a 21 year old and gave me suggestions on how to get down to the body of an 18 year old. Of course, if I knew a surefire way to get to the body of an 18 year old, I wouldn't be here typing this for all of you. Zzzzzing! But I cannot tell you how good it felt to work out again. I think this is really going to make my life better. Even though I was sweating Moudite the entire time, I walked out there thinking to myself, "Damn, I am a healthnut," as I lit my cigarette.

One final note, I seem to have just contracted a computer virus that is putting up away messages for me, so don't click any links on my away messages. Thanks and gig this!

Another party with Ryan Short & Co. in the bag. I always have way too much fun when I hang out with them. They are like the silver lining on the dark cloud that I call my life. Ryan invited me to this party in his neighborhood and said I should show up at his place early at 8:45. So around 9:00 I joined up with Ryan, Brent, David S., Waleed, Sean W., and Tom the Australian. Tom talked funny. But, I took a liking to him instantly ... I'd like to say it was because he was nice and laughed at my jokes and was friendly and engaging ... but, it was because of the accent. I had one beer there while I shifted into my 'stand-up routine guy' mode of story telling and then we went to the party.

It was over in The Block, the same place the party was where David S. threw bananas over the balcony onto people's cars. There was a nice crowd there, the host, Jason, was celebrating a birthday. He has a really nice apartment with a stellar view. I endulged a bit on the free alcohol, but mostly just chit chatted with friends and strangers. Mr. Kenderdine showed up to end his quite impressive Sidesho-less streak. He claims that he's never at his computer when I message him, but I'm gonna have to call shennanigans.

From there it was off to Minc. There was a big sign up by the front door that you could sign. We (Ryan, David, Robert and I) discussed it over lunch this afternoon. Apparently the sign was for some girl's graduation. I wrote, "Hang out with your wang out!" and David S. wrote, "Happy Birthday!" Too funny. Especially since we had no idea what it was or who it was for. I ran into a bit of trouble at Minc because Tom the Australian said that he only liked to drink shots. So in an effort to show off the size of my ... wallet, I bought some shots. So by the time we left Minc, this guy was in a state. Roundup was pretty fun, I don't remember all of the details. I think I danced a bit with Tom the Australian but was too slovenly drunk to keep my balance. I bought some random girl a beer. I saw Eric Bohdan ... if any of you know who he is. We talked for a while.

Then I made Waleed take me back to Ryans. I think we went through Whataburger on the ride, as is evidenced by the empty bag, not by my memory. Me and taquitos ... I am so fun. I passed out in Ryan's bed and he said when he got home, I wouldn't move out of his bed until he danced. I wish I had been there cause that sounds funny. I was all indignant about letting him have his own bed. And then some friends busted in later but I don't remember that happening so hopefully I just kept my mouth shut. When we woke up we watched 28 Days, not to be confused with its sequel, 28 Days Later. It's a movie about Sandra Bullock being an alcoholic in rehab, the perfect post-lunch/breakfast (sometimes called brunch) where we all drank mimosas, bellinis, and bloody marys.

Ultimately, it was hella fun, despite my day long hangover and the dent in my bank account. Today was my dad's birthday and we ate the beautiful cake I decorated and watched Die Hard. It was good times. Tomorrow, I have to work again. How horribly depressing that this pattern will repeat itself until I die. Oh well, I'll get through it. And when I do, I will see you all on the flip side.

Life used to be so simple. When I used to work at the daycare, one of my favorite observations about the childen was how differently they viewed their pockets. As adults, our pockets hold necessary items and without them we would be forced to carry a stylish euro man purse. But when you're six years old, they are just convenient places to store whatever cool shit you may have found on the playground -- be it a unique rock, a snail, or a weed you're going to give your mom later.

The reason I'm reflecting upon all of this is because my daily inventory of necessary items is getting out of hand. I used to do the double swipe to casually ensure that everything I needed was on me. One pass across the butt checked the wallet and the subsequent pass caught the keys and cigarettes. Now before I can walk out the door I have to do a full seven point check to make sure I have all thirteen of the items I cannot function without.

First, I make sure sunglasses are on my head while double checking that my Aggie ring and watch are in place. A quick swipe of the belt verifies my work phone is clipped in place (ugh) and my ID badge retracto-cord is ready to go (ugh). Then I make sure my cigarettes and personal phone are in one pocket while counting the four items I keep in my other pocket: keys, lighter, soft lips, pen. The two back pockets hold my new notepad in the back left and my wallet in the back right. Please do not use this information to mug me, as I never ever carry cash.

It's not so bad carrying all of these things, but I'm one of those people who will freak out and think, "Omega, I left my wallet at home," about four hundred times a day and I have to physically feel it before I can move on. So when I have thirteen things that I need, and every time I freak I have to make sure I have each one ... it's getting to be a little time consuming.

I know I promised I would tell you all about the notepad, but I'm gonna push that one back to another time since I felt the need to share this with you all. I need to simplify, simplify.

I am truly torn here, dear viewers. I sure do hate working, but damn it's nice having money. I guess that's how they trap you, like the buzz you get off of your first cigarette. Once you get used to having that money then you want more, and you have to work more to get it, and next thing you know you have a mortgage, thousand dollar car payment, angina and you're buying smokes by the carton.

I bought a carton of cigarettes the other day. In the five years that I've been smoking, I have rarely ever splurged on a carton of cigarettes. Not so much because I'm cheap (obviously) but because I hate committing to smoking all 10 packs, since I am always on the quest to quit. Well, not any more. I realized I'm wasting like a dollar on every pack I don't buy in a carton and that is stupid. Since I am so incredibly thrifty, right? I just dropped $100 on DVDs at Best Buy. I got some classics that were never in my collection just because everyone else has them. I just finished up Office Space and I may pop in Super Troopers until I fall asleep.

At least tomorrow is a Friday. Not that I have anything to look forward to, it's just inherently relaxing to know that you don't have to wake your ass up at 6am every day this week. I may get drunk, but I have no plans. I think Ben and I will go out and have drinks again since we had such a nice time at the Flying Saucer's Trivia Night the other night. And then Friday Brent is having a party that I was on the e-vite revised list for. That should be fun.

In our next episode, ViD will tell you all about his new notepad. Same Sidesho-Time. Same Sidesho-Channel. (Oooh, my first teaser ... melikes.) Czech you skillets latah.

Day two of the real job is in the sack, and I have to report that I have yet to do anything. Both days my supervisor has told me to just "hang out" which is cool in a way but it doesn't exactly pass the time. I spend the days sitting in my cubicle watching the clock counting dollars. I did get to steal away for a little bit today to get new windshield wipers that I am WAY too excited about. Mine were torn to shreds and were frankly a hazard to my health. Now my windshield is like looking through air. I never realized the difference it could make.

Another plus is that I work with the coolest man alive. His name is Trey and he's this old rednek. He's a pretty good programmer and a helluva nice guy. But my favorite thing about him is how slow he talks. You'll just have to catch the live impression to realize how slow it is when I say slow. I swear he takes a good two minutes between every word and it cracks me up. Plus it makes time feel like its just whizzing by.

I just wanted to hit you all up and let you know whats new. I went to Studio on Monday with a bunch of coworkers and had a good time. And then Jay called me tonight and said he'd picked up a shift so I went and kept him company. It has nothing to do with free beer or his hot coworkers, I'm just a nice friend. While I was there this kid came up to the bar to order a drink, and he looked around 12. He had an Oklahoma driver's license and asked if he could have a Long Island Iced Tea in a to go cup. Jay asked him to fill out a unicard application and he was like "oh naw thats cool." It was the funniest thing I'd seen all day.

I also promised you all pictures, and those are coming. A bunch of pictures actually. So many that I didn't feel like doing it tonight. I'm gonna have to thumbnail them all to fit into a blog, but they're wicked fun pictures. Expect those soon. It's way past my bed time. Catch you skillets on the flip siiide.

Hey, I just wanted to drop you all a quick line to let you know that I'm alive. I've only recently realized the magnitude of what's left to do before the end of this semester -- in reality, within the next 7 days. I am basically going to be out of commission for the entire time, and then as soon as that's done it'll be time for finals and then graduation.

Let me give you all a piece of etiquette when dealing with a graduating senior. Every last person you talk to and mention graduation asks you, "So WhAt'S tHe PLaN fOr AfTeR yOu GrAdUaTe? GoT a JoB?! DerRrRrRr!" If a graduating senior does not offer up that information to you, then don't try to extract it from them. There's a chance, a good chance, that they don't fucking know what they're going to do. And NO, they don't have a job, so fuck off. This is all just hypothetical, of course.

I have several plans. I could live with my brother temporarily in Houston and hope to find a job there before his daughter is born and I have to be out of the house. I could move back home and leisurely search for a job in Dallas, and if I get one either get my own apt, or I just IMed Ryan Short last night about moving in with him. I could move to OKC with my sister just to kinda get away from it all and see if I can't nab a job around there. I could stay in College Station for the summer looking for work to just party one last time before really applying myself to the search. I might give my other brother who lives in California and works for Intel my resume, and see if that won't work, but that would mean moving to Cali, Colorado or AZ. My only other idea is to cut myself to see how much it bleeds.

Today I am actually going to class. The fuckheads in my class decided on a take-home final while I wasn't around. Take-home finals are so much harder than real ones and are certainly more difficult than oral exams. I have to go get that final. Then I have to go to my last day of yoga ... tear. Then its directly to the greenhouse to meet with my team. I might change my oil first since thats highway driving, and I might stop by Best Buy to see if I can get a new battery since it is REALLY annoying that my laptop shuts off if you even jiggle the power cord. Like I said, so much to do.

It's been a while since I've addressed you, dear plebians. Rest assured I have missed you all. Like I said in my last post, Brandon came to town. I missed that kid. We hung out and watched TV even though he despises TV. We got drunk, we went out, good times, good times. He had to leave earlier than expected to go to a job interview at Central Market so hopefully he'll get that job.

That same night I watched Keith dunk his ring. He did it in 22 seconds. What a champ. And I thought I was a seasoned alcoholic, here this rookie showed be up by 43 seconds. Excelsior! We went to Northgate afterwards and Joseph met up with us. Keith ended up going home early so Joseph and I split off and sat and chatted over chuggers at Duddleys. Then we went to Antonio's, that new pizza place on Northgate. This guy wanted to cut in line for the bathroom because he had to go, and if he went before us, he would surely get laid by some girl who was waiting on him. So, being the kind hearted gentlemen we are, we told him he could cut in front of us if he could impress us through dance. Bless his little liver, he started cuttin' the rug in order to pee before us. Naturally I was saying things like, "No man, if you want to cut you've got to TURN IT ON!" and instead of doing anything different he just did the same moves faster. Classic.

We caught a serendiptious ride home from Christina Lee. Joseph proceeded to chug squeezy vodka screwdrivers like they were going out of style. He got so drunk that he threw up whilst sleeping on my couch giving me a delightful bright yellow stain and filling my apartment with the aroma of vomit and bile. He also opened the front door wide, for some unexplained reason, and let in 10,000 flies that we cannot get rid of. Thanks Joey, 'preciate that.

The next night it was time to see Todd dunk his ring, but I got tied up at the greenhouse in Navasota and couldn't make it. He did it in 75 seconds, which thrilled me because that means I was faster. Anywho, I did meet up with them all later because I haven't seen Todd in forever, Ryan and DAvid were in town, and Fucking Frank was going to drink for the first time in years. It was riotously fun. I got so completely shitcanned. When I woke up this morning I was still drunk. I was also a tad confused as to why I wasn't wearing my underwear anymore, but then I remembered that I'd gotten in the hot tub that night. It was so hot in there, it was ridiculous.

I keep telling myself I am going to spend a quiet weekend at home with a good book (perhaps Glamarama that I haven't touched in weeks) but the ring thing forced me to go out this weekend. Damn social obligations. Perhaps next I will take myself up on my delightful offer. Peace out, have nots!

Hey guys, I just really want to thank you all for the outpouring of sympathy over my deceased fish. *makes masturbatorial motion* David27 still has the thing in a container under his sink and the water is all cloudy and he's pale and floating at the top. Very morbid, but he is still planning on returning him.

Yesterday I finally got my hair cut. No more Milwaukee circa 1983 soccer dad hair for me. Even though I loved that hairdo, everyone else hated it. I guess it's because no one has any style. Anyway, Hannah is a genius, I don't know how she consistently takes a slob like me and makes my hair look good. And she barely cut it this time. I was seriously in there for like 5 minutes and we were done. I'm really excited about my new hair.

In other news, I don't know if I ever specifically mentioned this on my website, but I've been doing the Atkins thing for like 3 weeks now. Well, I've been trying to. I am not altogether happy with my body, and the only solution I could come up with was anorexia until Rick told me to just quit eating carbs. I figured it couldn't be as bad as starving so I started doing it. It is a lot harder than I thought it would be to come up with meals that contain no carbohydrates, but I did okay. I mean, I couldn't completely cut them out, due in large part to them being in beer. And it has been WEEKS since I've had a soda ... or anything other than water to drink, really. That I'm proud of.

The reason I mention this is because David27, Brian and I all went and had a hottub last night. And a few weeks ago we had all gone to lay out by the pool. Brian said it looked like I had lost weight. He is the first and only person to say so. Actually, he's the first person to finally shut the fuck up, quit rolling your god damn eyes, and realize that I actually did have fat reserves and I am not "too skinny already." I was kind of getting off of my diet, but now that someone thinks it's working, I'm back on with renewed vigor. I can't wait to have visible adominal muscles.

Tomorrow's another exam for my class that I haven't been to since the last exam that I knocked out of the ballpark. I am going to spend the whole night studying. Weeee. I'd rather go out, but tomorrow is gonna be too fun so everything will even out in the end. Hope all is going well for you sluts since I haven't gotten a comment in a while. See you on the flip side. Excelsior!

Since the invitations to David27's apartment weren't exactly forthcoming last night, I decided to take it upon myself and surprise him so I could finally see my fish and meet 28. I was really excited so I went home after class, ran some errands, and then dropped by. David27 had just gotten out of a movie and was on his way back but two guys were in his apartment so I was able to sneak in and get a look at 28. He was a gorgeous fish with redish scales that had lines of blue in the ribbon-like fins. He looked so beautiful ... laying lifeless on the bottom of the fish bowl.

MY FISH IS DEAD!!!1!1!!

... and I never even got to meet him. It is so depressing, and far more symbolic than I would ever venture to admit. David27 said he could go exchange him for a new fish at Wal-Mart and I guess I'll be happy with another fish, just like the first one, I might even name him 28, but he'll never take the place of the fish I never had.

I wanted to give him a burial at sea, or let him at least fertilize my wildflowers so he could live on thru them ... but 27 said he needs him so he can exchange him. It is so sad.

This weekend went by rather uneventfully, which was fine. I didn't go anywhere from Easter. Not that I had a lot to do in College Station, but I was still sick and having trouble breathing for extended periods of time so I decided to just waste my days away sitting on my favorite couch watching my favorite TV shows. It was a wonderful time. Almost everyone I knew went to their respective homes to celebrate the day with their family so I was a little bored.

Last night I went out to Northgate with Stino and the crew and had a few beers. I wasn't sure if it would be a good idea or not since I was sick and it was cold and rainy and there were no places open past 1:00. So we got kicked out of Duddley's at 1:00 with full chuggers of beer and nowhere to go. People were suggesting that we 'chance it' and drive home with our beers, but you know me and you know I wasn't down with that. We ended up on the porch of Gatsby's finishing up our beers before we could go in and drink their beer. We ended up pouring some out on their fabulously sodded back porch (all the grass is so dead, its extremely tacky and stupid). Anyway, in the end I decided it was a good idea to have gone drinking because I woke up this morning feeling much better than I have the past few mornings. That is a good thing.

David27 went to Houston to see his family. He just came home today and called me on his way to let me know that he had gotten me a present. I was decidedly excited. He couldn't drop by and give it to me but he did tell me what it was. He got me a fish! He had read my webpage saying that I wanted a fish but didn't know how to take care of one so he bought me a beta, since they require minimal upkeep. I've decided to name him 28 in honor of our good friend 27. I am going to love him and hug him and squeeze him. I think he's going to bring him over tomorrow and I can't wait. I'll take a picture of him and share it with you all when he does. Later you have nots!

I guess everyone wasn't as excited about my flowers as I am. I continue to grow more excited each and every day as they continue to grow. The day that one of them blooms, drink are on me! (No, thats not a typo -- drink are on me!) In other news, Owen and I finished rearranging the living room finally. Everything is at an angle, but they're at different angles. It's very avant-garde. The spaces left in the corners by furniture being at wonky angles allowed me to put a little bit of back lighting, which I think really pulls the whole room together. Yay me.

Last night I went over to David27's to watch a movie with our old friend Michael Potts. Good times. We watched Party Monster. It was a pretty good movie, I missed the beginning, but if you get a chance to see it I recommend. I brought a bottle of wine as per Mr. Potts' request, and then he decided he didn't want to drink. But David27 did not have a corkscrew, so using a round thing and a hammer, Michael hammered the cork into the bottle instead of pulling it out. Ingenious. I never would have thought to do so. Why, oh why must I always think inside the box?

I've decided not to return home for jebus's second birthday. I would have to drive there and back all in like one day and I hate doing that. Plus the whole church fiasco will reer its ugly head betwixt the parentals and I. Besides that, I think I am deathly ill. It feels like someone has been standing on my chest for like 2 days now. And I can cough until the cows come home but nothing will come up. Maybe I'll try not smoking and see how that affects things. As it is, pity me! I'm sick! Check you sluts later.

Ahhh, the age old mantra. And this time its no more true than it ever is. I remember thinking to myself, "Wow I haven't eaten a thing all day, maybe I should take it easy." And that's about the last thing I remember. I'll just go ahead and assume that I had fun. One of the things I do after a night like that is immediately check my call history to make sure I did not make any unnecessary conversation. I had one call to Kyle that lasted 10 seconds and then immediately called David27 for another 3. Who knows what that was all about.

By far, the best was the text message that I sent to Brian that I absolutely do not remember sending. He had told me that he was mad at me last night. I think it was because we were supposed to watch Romy and Michele's High School Reunion but I ended up getting too drunk. Anyway, the text message said, "I had the worst dream, Romy. I dreamt that we weren't friends and we were really, really old. But, I mean like we were really, really old. And we weren't friends." My favorite part of it is that it is perfectly formatted as far as spelling, capitalization, and punctuation, which is not easy to do on my phone. It takes me forever to send a text message, much less a grammatically correct one, so who knows how long I spent doing that. No wonder I woke up with my cell phone in the bed.

David27 just dropped by and gave me my keys. Why did he have my keys? I didn't drive. I don't even have my car. I'm so confused.

I'm never drinking again ....

I know you wouldn't guess it by the fact that there are comments on my website, but I really don't care about anyone's opinion ... on anything. But it sure doesn't stop everyone and their mom from putting their two cents in. I guess that's cool though, it's basically the same thing we were doing today. Any politics aside, what went on was a bunch of fun people getting together, listening to good music, and generally having a good time. I had to go when the group finally decided to go listen to Tom Short again. I really can't handle that guy more than once in a week, so I went and finished up a project for the class I'm worried about. Well, "finished" is a relative term. I didn't actually "finish" as much as I "quit."

Now I'm supposed to be working on completing my documentation over the project. I would tell you all what the project is, but it wouldn't make any sense and it would bore you to tears if you happened to understand. I don't want to write a paper. I don't want to do anything. But I guess thats the whole point of college, right?

This weekend I'm supposed to go back to Dallas to see Clay who is in from Spain for the week to have his wisdom teeth removed, but I'm really not looking forward to another field trip. And I couldn't stay at home because I really don't care to hear my parents reaction to the new hair color. Anyway, I have no idea what I'm talking about ... I'm just stalling. Now back to Alton Brown...

In order to keep up with the foreign exchange program we've got going on, it was College Station's turn to go visit the Dallas kids. Everyone rearranged their work schedules (well, not me cause I have no job or responsibilities) and we decided to leave at noon on Saturday. The crew was comprised of 27, Marshall and Thommi. I said we were absolutely, positively leaving at noon, whether they were there or not, no questions asked, just leaving.

Around noon, I woke up and started getting ready. I had no intentions of leaving at noon, but I figured that setting an early, firm deadline was the only way to get there before midnight. We ended up arriving at Ryan Short's loft around 5:00, which left us enough time to go to the Northpark Mall. I bought this shirt at Guess that is inside out. It's so me. Like, the shirts not inside out, but the material is. I'm in love with the shirt. We got back, visited the quaint little liquor store on the first floor, and then started getting ready. Two really loud girls ended up in tow with us, one was 27's best friend, the other I have no idea. Once we were ready we went to Ryan Haggerty's party.

That was alright, but there sure were a lot of people in one small space and I think he forgot to pay his A/C bill that month cause it was toasty. And we could only smoke on the balcony that is the size of my coffee table. And the boy who was drinking an entire bottle of wine, from the bottle, was talking about his faith in his lord and saviour, jebus christ, and how he never tests him with more than he can handle. An excellent topic to have at a boozefest while endulging in far too much of the sacramental fluids. The cops showed up, shook things up. The plan was to go out to the Village anyway, so it hastened everyone's retreat. Chaos ensued. My clan hopped into someone else's car and were whisked away, leaving me and Ryan's roommate, David, to walk back to Ryan's apartment to get my car and drive ourselves to the club. Charming. To be fair, Ryan did offer us a ride back to the apt but since I was under the impression that we were all going to meet up back there, I said we would just walk. Turns out, that was also our ride to the club.

So I was a little nonplussed by the situation. When we got back to the apartment I saw Marshall walking out and said, 'Wait, where are you going?' 'To the club!' he gleefully replied as he walked out the door. I was drunk enough that I didn't really want to drive, I hate driving (and especially parking) downtown, and David did not want to go ... all of this culminated into this final straw and I proclaimed, 'Fuck 'em. I'm not going.' So I did just that. David and I went to the gas station to get some beer and cigarettes, and we sat and watched movies. David is really cool and has the same sense of humor that I do, and we are never afforded the opporitunity to hang out just the two of us, so I had a blast.

I chugged beers all night until I passed out. I don't remember the rest of them getting home, but passing out on Ryan's bed worked out to my advantage cause I didn't have to sleep on the hardwood floors. The next day we went and got smoothies and sandwiches and then made the long drive home. All in all, it was an excellent weekend, and we can't wait to do it again. In fact, it may be next weekend since Clay is coming home from Spain to get his wisdom teeth out and has promised me a bottle of Absinthe. Oh yeah, and I'm off carbs and am no longer blonde.

Ugh, interviewing is so stupid. I drove to Dallas on Monday afternoon, to avoid having to drive in the dark, which you all know I hate to do. I got there in time to help my mom make dinner and then eat with my parents. I was so tired from waking up early to go to class that I fell asleep around 10:00. I was happy I went to class though because we got our midterms back. I set another curve. I am a genius.

I tried to sleep in since my interview was at 11:30 but I was unable to do so. I guess I was nervous even though once I got there I really wasn't. I was interviewing with another guy from my major. The first thing we did was go to lunch with two guys. They took us to Saltgrass and we ate steaks. Yum. They took our resumes with them and asked us questions about projects we'd worked on and stuff, but mostly just shot the shit. After lunch I met with 3 other men who were interviewing me. Although, it seemed like they were more just looking for someone to talk to than actually interviewing. They asked me a few stupid questions, but mostly let me talk about projects I've been involved in, and talked about themselves and projects that they've done.

The company is really cool and I've decided that I want the job. They do automation systems for buildings. They do a lot of school districts, but more glamorous jobs include the Rockerfeller Center in New York, the Sears Tower in Chicago, and some building over in Japan that is supposedly the tallest building in the world. I thought they just automated lights, HVAC and security, but they do so much more. For instance, a guy shows up to work at 5am, scans his card. His office immediately sets to his preferred temperature, the lights turn on, and the elevator is waiting at the lobby already set to take him to his floor. On top of that, if a laptop turns up missing, they can track his progress throughout the building to see if he was a suspect. Also, if the fire alarm goes off, they have a complete record of who got out of the building, and who was left inside ... as well as where they are. It seems like these are really advanced systems. Like you can't just set the temperature to 72 and go with it. They also would set up occupancy sensors to make sure that they aren't wasting money cooling a vacant room. And they would probably include a CO2 sensor to make sure that the room wasn't getting stuffy with recirculated air and mix in some outside air. It seems like a really cool job and I hope I get it. I will know by April 16th. Regardless, they paid me 32 cents a mile to come see them so I'm gonna get a check for about $130 in the mail soon. Yippee.

I still haven't worked on my big project. I stood up Christina Lee on accident this morning to work on it and now I have a presentation to prepare for in my senior design class. We really didn't do much over Spring Break so I dunno what we're gonna talk about. We'll figure it out though, we always do. Hope all is well with you sluts, catch you on the flip side. Laaaaaaate.

Another Spring Break come and gone. My last Spring Break ever, as a matter of fact. How depressing. I had a pretty good time doing nothing even though I should have been doing a helluva lot. I'm worried about this one class because I still haven't finished the project that was due last week. They've extended the deadline another week, but I'm not going to be here for the first part of it. Tomorrow I have to drive home so I can go to my second interview with T.A.C. on Tuesday morning. I'm not really excited about being interviewed. The whole process is somewhat retarded albeit necessary. I don't really want the job, but I'll take it if they offer. My brother said I could stay with him after graduation for a couple weeks if I wanted and my sister said I could move in indefinitely, so at least I won't be homeless ... and by "homeless" I mean "living at home."

I spent the weekend gettin drunk with the SideshoGang. We drank so much beer last night but we also ate a shitload of food so it was hard to catch a buzz. I think I fell asleep around 5, who knows. Now I'm just hanging over at my apartment with the AC on full blast. I always get so hot when I'm hungover, and my stupid hangover mask doesn't stay cold for very long against my hot forehead. 27 is on his way home finally, so that should keep me entertained until tomorrow. Ugh, I hate road trips. Peace out, sluts.

Once again, I find myself in the unassuming little town of Humble, Texas. As I was saying before, my brother's wife went into preterm labor the other day and is now stuck on bed rest. I really came to help out but as it turns out, I'm not really going to have to do anything. Not that I thought I was going to be burdened anyway. My brother is going to work here in the morning allowing me to sleep in, and then one of his wife's friends is going to come in to hang out with her.

I might set up the hammock in the backyard if the weather is as nice as it was today and read my new book that Raul gave me, Glamarama by Bret Easton Ellis. You'll all recognize that name as the author of Rules of Attraction starring Dawson. I really liked that book, and I've been told I will like this one even more so I'm excited about that. David27 wants to read it too so I thought I could knock it out during the couple days that I'm here.

My brother's computer is really cool. He has cable internet and he can watch TV on his computer! How cool is that? I am sitting here watching MTV in the upper lefthand corner and updating my page at the same time. He said you can record TV too, so if a good video comes on, I'm going to record it. Oh, maybe that hilarious HEB commercial I've only seen once in my life will come on and I can record it for all of you. That's probably not going to happen, though. I just checked to see if he had Kazaa so I could update my songs but he does not. I wanted to get The Maps "Yeah, yeah, yeah." I think that's the correct name. Anyway, I'm just rambling cause I don't have a lot else to do and no one else to talk to. I guess I'll go whore around on melo or something now. I should be on IMs while I'm here so hit me up if I'm active. Laaaaaaaaaaaate.

The onset of Spring Break is upon us, my dear viewers. Shortay! We fend to go to the club and get krunk with Britney. I started off the break by taking a brief jaunt to Austin with some friends. Raul knew of a couple of birthday parties there that we could attend, so we did just that with Marshall (very much against his will) and David27 in tow. After a late start, we made really good time to Austin ... due in no small part to my superiour navigation skills.

We stopped off at Jenny's apartment to get ready. It was her birthday party we would eventually end up at. She was very sweet to let us not only take over her bedroom and bathroom on her birthday evening, but spend the night on her floor. After primping, fighting over the hat, and a couple hearty belts of whiskey, we were on our way to our first destination. It was Tracy's 18th birthday, and it was being held at an apartment with a very large enclosure for around 30 mice/gerbil things. I don't know, but there were rodents in the living room ... and an injured baby squirrel in a box. Charming. Chris was there. And despite having called to make sure I was going to be in attendance, seemed less than enthused that I had come. The keg was Shiner but since Marshall doesn't drink beer, he was becoming increasingly despondant, so we had to act fast. Raul, the responsible driver, decided he wanted to get drunk, so 27 was at the helm.

Jenny's party was at a large house with two kitchens. There were green lights everywhere, and a person blowing fire and spinning large sticks on fire in the backyard. He never once caught the damn thing ... sub-par at best. But there was an ample supply of liquor, and we all partook in it greatly. 27 got drunk. It was the first time I'd ever seen him drink enough to get drunk, and let's just say it was interesting. Leslie is coming into town on Friday and he has promised to give us another show on that night. Brandon was party hopping around town during this time and was able to drop off at our party for a little bit to say hello. I haven't seen that kid in damn near a year. He seemed rather pleased to see me as well.

While Marshall, 27 and I got drunk, Raul sobered up to take us home. He would NOT take us to Whataburger on the way home even though it was totally on the way. If you know me, you know that I simply must have a bacon, egg 'n cheese taquito before bed when I'm drunk or heads roll. So 27 and I took the initiative, remembered where it was, and fucking walked there in the middle of the night. It was too much fun. We got a ride home though from two people who were also staying at Jenny's. When we woke up we ate at Macaroni Grill ... well, actually, Raul and Jenny ate. 27, Marshall and I just sat and drew on the table drinking water. I drew a delightful picture of me throwing up with my head in a toilet. I don't think the waitress liked me. The help never has a sense of humor, I swear!

Tonight we're taking it easy. I just woke up in time to watch Arrested Development, the best TV show every made. I think Marshall, Justin and Thommi are on their way over to 27's to watch some movie called Waking Life. I think its a fucked up movie, but who knows, there's a chance I would enjoy it. I'll keep you all posted. If anybody has something ultra fun to do this week, be sure to invite me (and pay for me). Thanks.

I'm sitting in my apartment listening to my heart attempt to jump out of my chest. I'm pretty freaked out because someone just tried to open my front door. I never lock the door, but just so happened to do it tonight. Thank jebus. Justin is on his way over here so I can get some peace of mind and have a looksee outside. As it stands right now I'm too scared to look. I thought blogging might put my mind at ease. There is much to talk about, and I shall type it in between paranoid perceptions of twigs snapping beneath imagined burgler's boots.

Friday night was Boys 'n Beads, the Mardi Gras party. Marshall had spent the few previous days making masks out of stolen supplies from Hobby Lobby. I knew Marshall was crafty, but damn, I was impressed with his skills with the feathers and glue. The one I made looked like a retarded 3rd grader had done it. He fixed it a little bit for me. I still looked like Ms. Finch from Follow That Bird. It all paid off cause Marshall won 3rd place in the costume contest and was awarded a 50 dollar bar tab, which you just know I was all over. I ended up getting way too drunk, as I always do. Excess is my middle name. There was much dancing, much revelry, much too much vodka in my drinks. Sometimes I think Aaron, the bartender, derives some sick pleasure from watching me get wasted. Luckily our pal David#27 was there, and sober, and driving, and took care of me. I passed out as soon as I got home and woke up hungover like a muthafucka. It's all good though because I got to wear my new hangover mask from Bed, Bath & Beyond. It's this gel mask that you put in the fridge. Omega, it was heavenly. Made my hangover an absolutely enjoyable experience.

Skip ahead to Saturday. Marshall's bar tab awaited us, so we got dolled up and went out again. Why on earth do I drink like I do? It's so stupid. I'm drinking double vodka and vodkas and accepting shot after shot. We had to pull over again this weekend so yours truly could nearly roll out of the car whilst vomiting. Again, I passed out as soon as I got home. In other news, someone had spread the word that the afterparty was at my place. Wrong. Owen got woken up and had to tell them all to leave. I felt bad about that, even though it kind of in a way wasn't my fault. Moderation. Someday I will learn it.

Justin just left after we made sure no one was outside my apartment. I still have the door locked and the chain on. Seeing as how its almost 3 and I'm never gonna get up for class tomorrow, I don't think I'll even set my alarm. I'm just gonna read and then fall asleep. I've decided to re-read Clan of the Cave Bear for the umpteenth time. Watching the movie just totally put me in the mood. You should all get a copy and read it cause it's the best story ever. Alright, peace out, you have-nots, and stop fucking trying to open my front door.

Sonia was writing an article for the Battalion today (our school newspaper) over gay marriage, so naturally she wanted my opinion on the issue. I think my initial quote was, "Fuck a bunch of marriage," but since that doesn't exactly translate well to print without the inflections, we worked to reword it a tad. This is what it came out as:

David Fisher, a senior electrical engineering technology major, said he believes same-sex marriages should be legalized. He believes the constitution grants the right, and also doesn't believe that marriage is sacred anymore.

"If marriage (between a man and a woman) is so sacred then explain the high divorce rates," Fisher said.

I'm in print! Now all that's left to do is get my picture on the front. With friends like Sonia, I think I can see that happening. She's an absolute doll and I love her. RAWK!

A Sidesho-PSA from www.polaroid.com:

Question: Ever since the song "Hey Ya" by Andre 3000 of Outkast came out, everyone is shaking their Polaroid pictures. I have always been told that you should not shake a Polaroid picture, but I'm having a hard time convincing those around me that this is true. What is the answer?

Answer: The short answer is no, you don't have to (and shouldn't) "shake it like a Polaroid picture."

Shaking or waving a Polaroid picture to help the development process originated in the early days of peel-apart film. After peeling the negative, the image needed to dry before it could be handled, so waving the photo helped it to dry more quickly.

When using the integral films (600, Spectra, 500, SX-70/Time-Zero, i-Zone) that are used in our most popular current camera models (Polaroid One, OneStep, JoyCam, etc.), the image develops and dries behind a clear plastic window and never touches the air, so shaking or waving has no effect.

In fact, shaking or waving can actually damage the image. Rapid movement during development can cause portions of the film to separate prematurely, or can cause "blobs" in the picture.

The best way to ensure a perfectly developed image is to simply lay the picture on a flat surface immediately after it exits the camera. Shield it from the wind and avoid bending, twisting, or otherwise disturbing it during development. Image development time for Polaroid integral films is 3-5 minutes -- after an additional 5 to 10 minutes, the photo's colors will become richer and fuller.

Shut the fuck up. I'm going to punch you in the face. I just wanna rip your face off and step on it, squeeze you til your head pops off. These are all compliments if you happen to hear them come from D27's mouth. I learned that, some people haven't. Last night was fun. I wore red because I don't hate Valentine's Day, and I don't refer to it as 'Singles Awareness Day,' because people who do are pathetic. It's a Hallmark holiday. It's just another reason to dress a certain way and get tanked ... like easter, St. Patrick's Day, or christmas.

I just cleaned out some trash from my bedroom. There were two cups of iced tea on my nightstand that Josh and Ryan left there like 3 weeks ago. They had grown their own civilizations while I left them unattended. I'm surprised I haven't gotten sick from just sleeping near them. When I emptied them out in the sink, I almost hurled. I can't handle rotten stuff, weird huh? But the sight of fungus flowing out made me ill. And the smell. God it smelled like pestilence ... pestilence with a twist of lemon.

I just took a couple of loads of clothes (a fraction of what I need to wash) to the laundry room. Someone had rearranged the letters on those little black and white signs. Now instead of describing the prices and specials on certain times of the week, it reads: SMOKE WEED EFERIDAY. I'm not sure why I laughed out loud when I saw it. People can be so clever sometimes. That's all I've got.

This is a post I've been meaning to put up for a while. I've just been waiting for a day when I didn't have anything to really say. This is the blog blog, if you will. And I will. Those of you who know me know that I spend a ridiculous amount of my life on my website, but I spend just as much, if not more, time reading other peoples' blogs. I wanted you all to appreciate just how insane I am with this. I read all of these blogs ... on a more than daily basis. Here they are now, in the order that I check them every day. And the nominees are...

• Sounding Board: Chris
• Breakfast Parade: Grande et. al.
• This is my blog. But you can read it.: Alfie
• noezoom's Xanga Site: Owen
• Ryan Short's Diary: Ryan Short
• Rock N Roll Suicide: Keith
• Welcome Spielmaniacs!: Spielman
• Welcome to Spain: Clay
• Really, it's not that interesting.: Justin McKee
• www.Burns.tk -- Redux: Burns
• ifiam.org | do you love me?: Posterboy
• toothpaste for dinner - daily drew drawings: Drew
• natalie dee: huffing it up, every weekday: Drew's sister
• ChevyRSK: Chevy
• me: Sonia
• Day in the life of Jon Steed: Jon Steed
• David Tucker's Page of Misery: David Tucker
• clr84's Xanga Site: Chris R.
• I like my eggs all runny...: Surge
• bryceareeni's livejournal: Bryce

Pertinent information for everyone to know? Let's see. I backed into my neighbor in the parking lot. Or we backed into each other, rather. Her name is Erin. She was a delightful girl with a scratched up, cracked bumper. I bought the Nelly Fruit-ado CD because I want to be like Marshall. I saw Flock of Seagulls reunite. They weren't as good as they used to be and their hair is nowhere near its former radness. I almost went out like that the other night. Ryan Short gets to meet Cameron Frost in 4 weeks and I am jealous. Tommy and I started working out, my chest and triceps are very sore. And I haven't smoked in three days. I lost my job at the space center, damn politics. But I already scored a new profession in the web design business once I learn how to do what these rich old men want. My new songs of the day all fucking rawk. I talked to Steve-o last night for the first time in months. He works at Central Market in Austin and has a mohawk. My professor sent out an email to have an impromptu class period today. Is he allowed to do that? I'm already tired of school even though I've only been to about 1.5 total hours of class. I can't stay awake for more than 30 minutes. My wonderful yoga teacher from last semester forced me back into her class. She is lovely. Peace, I'm outta here.

I cured that whole problem with sobriety last night. Leslie and I went to dinner at the Outback. My steak was so rare and delicious. I'm getting misty thinking about it again. Anyway, we had a bottle of wine with dinner and it was so good that Leslie decided we needed to drink wine. Since 'moderation' is a word that exists in none of our vocabularies, we went ahead and bought 18 bottles of wine, and then set about trying to finish them off. We got on the horn and invited a few people over. According to eye witness testimony, I passed out around 2am. I know that somewhere around 5, I randomly awoke, popped up off the floor, drank some more with the people who were still around, and then went to bed around 7.

For my alcoholic apptitude, I was awarded with a massive wine hangover. Tommy, Leslie, and I went to lunch at Olive Garden and it was all I could do to keep from hurling as my lasagna sat on a plate in front of me. To make it even worse, Leslie was drinking wine. We only polished off 12 bottles the night before, so when we got home, her and Tommy set to drinking again. I couldn't. I had to fall asleep in the recliner for a while. Then we watched Uptown Girls. You have got to see this movie, it was so excellent. I fucking loved it. I'm gonna watch it again tomorrow. Well then people came over and brought with them ... you guessed it ... 10 bottles of wine. Omega. I could not bring myself to drink, and stayed sober the entire night. All I had was 2 glasses of water.

In other news, if you have tried to call me in the past couple of days you might have noticed that my phone is dead. It ran out of battery like two days ago, and I left my charger over at Aaron's apartment when we were getting ready one night, and now he left town until Thursday. I was able to break into his apartment and get a shirt I left over there, but I forgot to grab my phone charger. Long story short, I hate my phone so much anyway, and I'm not gonna miss any important calls, so I'm not worried about the charger. I'll get it when I get it. Hope it hasn't been too much of a hassle for anyone. If it is, you should have been IMing me anyway. It is way past time for bed now. Peace out home fries.

I don't even know where to begin. I had intended to make a large post detailing the cruise, but instead I'm just going to say that it was a total blast. 5 days was enough for me to be on a boat though. Cozumel and Calica, the two places we got off the boat, were both beautiful and warm. I drank a lot. Surprise!

Then I came home for a couple of days, and then had to hop in the Cavy and drive back to Dallas for my dentist appointment. I hadn't been to the dentist in over two years so I was sure there was going to be a cavity or something, but I was wrong. My teeth were perfect. They took like an assload of x-rays though. I met up with Chevy while I was in Plano cause I was at Starbucks by myself and I was bored. She was kind enough to keep me company. I've only met her in person once before, so all of our communication has been via the internet, mostly from my webpage. She's an avid reader. So she decided to ask me if I wear the 'foxhawk' a lot. Foxhawk. She saw fauxhawk and read it foxhawk. I was aghast. Just so everyone is clear on this issue, it's pronounced 'fo-hawk' like 'mo-hawk' but fake. Makes a lot more sense, doesn't it? Foxhawk ... Then, I came home to College Station after having dinner with my parents at the Cheesecake Factory. Yum.

Since then I've been doing a lot of drinking. Leslie and I have been the best looking people at the club two nights in a row, and its about to be three. On Thursday night we gave her a foxhawk like a picture of Carmen Electra that she has. I put a handful of pomade in her hair to make it all dirty. It was so cool. And then she went and got her hair cut in this stair step chop cut thing. Its hard to explain, but it is so cool and original. We got new outfits to accompany her new hair. I found some badass shirts at Express that were on clearance. Bonus. I showed up to lunch today with James since he was kind enough to carry me home last night and give me a couch to sleep on. What a good friend. I'm supposed to be out with friends right now but I feel like ass and I'm probably just gonna lay on the couch instead. Hope all is going well for all of you. Ciao.

Welcome loyal Sidesho-Viewers. I know that I haven't been very quick with the cruise, new years, travelling, etc. updates, but I assure that a long blog none of you will finish is on its way. It's just that so much has happened in the past week that its daunting to sit down and try to fit it into a few paragraphs.

The cruise was a blast. I have pictures to show you, but didn't get a chance to post them yet. I was finally honest. New Years was a blast. We drank free champagne and smoked Cuban cigars. Happy 2004 to all of you, resolve to check my webpage more often. Coming back to College Station was tumultous. I learned that despite my best efforts, maybe I am actually a mature and caring person, and managed to avoid what would have probably been one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

Now its time to return to Dallas. There's no reason for me to hang around here. It's not like I went to work today anyway. I have a dentist appointment on Tuesday and a possible cavity, so I don't want to miss that. Think of me often in the next few days, I know not when I will return. Thank you, and good night.

I have done nothing since school ended but drink. I guess that qualifies as my greatest aspiration in life. I am such a douche bag. Anyway, I've managed to spice it up a little bit here and there. Thursday I wore my new outfit to rave reviews. That's always fun. On Friday night Tommy went totally goth and I half assed along. I told you all I was gonna. Saturday was more glam than anything, but still hideous. I just get so damn bored doing the same thing day in and day out.

Last night I sat around all fucking night by myself and decided too late to buy any that I wanted a beer. So I got on the horn and found Josh who had some. I went and chilled with him but the beer soon ran out and he passed out cause apparently he'd been drinking vodka alll day. Go figure. I rounded out the night with like 5 shots but never felt drunk. Thats because I remember the Alamo.

Not sure what is on the slate for today. It would be awesome if I would do laundry since I've been free balling for like 2 weeks now. But that involves getting up and leaving the house and I detest doing things. Wish me luck, dear viewers. Tomorrow I return to the homeland. Peace out.

Last night I spent the better part of the evening making pajama pants for Josh. He went with me to Hobby Lobby a while back so I could get some fabric to piece back together a pair of jeans I tore up when I was drunk, the same pair given to me by MattyK after I ripped them up for him (also while drunk). So Josh sees two prints of Dr. Seuss fabric and I mention that I can turn it into pajama pants, but he can't decide on the green or the blue. He ended up getting both, and I fashioned them so one leg is green and the other is blue. You know I have an affinity for asymetrical clothing. They are so kickass. I want to keep them for myself. As soon as he gets his skinny ass over here to try them on so I can make them the right size and length, I'll get a picture of him wearing them for you all. I am too crafty for my own good.

So this took me up until about 2am, at which point I realized I was never going to be able to get up for my 8:00. I haven't been since the last test that I waxed, so I figured I would drop in for the supposed review. Owen was already planning on staying up until class so I decided to do the same. Monkey see, monkey do. But I was bored and drifting so I decided to drive out to Boob's house and join the SideshoGang in their revelry for the night. We had a good time, watched some movies like Ellen Degeneres's stand up. Way too funny. Everyone was passing out around 5 but I knew that I could not join in. Rick was pissed the TV was still on and Kyle was telling me to turn it off as well. So I did, and I laid down, but I did long division in my head to stay away. I took 1/31 out to like 10 decimal places. HA!

I managed, somehow, to stay awake and left to get ready for class around 7. I showered and got on the bus and arrived a little early. Owen and I were joined by two other guys in our class of like 50 people, and around 8:10 realized that we probably had a walk that neither of us had heard about. Thanks for giving me the heads up, if any bitches in my class are reading this. Preciate that. So I came home with every intention of going to work, but instead my head hit the pillow and I was out for the count until about 2 when James called. We went and had a little good clean fun and now here I am again. I'm actually on my laptop right now. I decided to go ahead and install Windows XP Home instead of digging around for my XP Pro CD since my PC has decided to freeze every time I send and instant message now, and I was feeling quite unplugged.

Tonight I have to start getting serious about school work and make a cheat sheet for my control systems exam. That is going to be a doozy. I have two exams on Friday and I have got to find my way into work somehow during this week or I'm gonna get fired. I also need to go buy a turkey today or its not going to be thawed by the time Thanksgiving roles around. I hope none of you are forgetting about Thanksgiving. It is this Wednesday (as in two days from now) and I'm shooting for around 7pm. That way, we can gorge and then get drunk, and Thursday is a dead day. Good plan eh? Not many people have RSVP'ed ... in fact, none have ... so if you think are coming, I would appreciate an IM. You can come regardless, but it would be nice to know how many people to expect. Even if its just me, I won't care. I'll just eat the turkey with my hands like a caveman. I've always wanted to do that.

Thanks for all the wonderful comments on the scorpion. I told my yoga teacher about it and she said I should join the Yoga Center of College Station, and I think I'm going to. They do more advanced stuff ... because I'm good at something besides drinking now. Speaking of, I managed to get shit faced in the span of like 40 minutes last night. I rule. Marshall probably thinks I'm psychotic. Oh well, he'd be mostly right.

I don't know what made me think of this, but I thought I would share with you all the story of the first time I got on the internet. Well, actually its the second. The first time I got on the internet me and my brother Stephen went to go see if there was a sex.com. Sure as hell enough, there was. Good thing somebody thought of it. But the story...

The first time I ever sat down at a computer and got on AOL, back when I was known as Vidster007, I went into a random chat room. And I had no idea what any acronyms were or anything. I probably only typed like 30 wpm. And someone said, "hey anyone in pa?" And I had no idea what that meant, so I said, "i'm in pa." And an instant message popped up and they said, "where in pa," which I then figured out meant Pennsylvania. So I responded, "Nunya." And they said, "where is that?" And I said, "Nunya bidness." And they said, "well fuck you." And I laughed, and immediately knew that I liked this internet thing.

Last night I was sitting on the couch, as usual, watching FoodTV, as usual, and chatting with a few friends, as usual. My computer blue screened out of nowhere and started dumping physical memory, as it has done a few times in the past. No big deal. I stood on my head while I waited for it to reboot. When I could stand it no longer I came out of the headstand and checked on my computer. It was taking an exorbitant amount of time to scan files or something. No bother, I went and did a modified Scorpion against the wall. When I came back again, it was telling me that Windows no longer works. I couldn't get it to boot up in any way, shape or form last night. Luckily I still have my PC so I don't have to unplug, but it is going to be a colossal head ache to get that fixed, especially because I have no clue what the problem might be.

I'm making meager, albeit real, progress on some of my goals. Today for lunch, I had a salad. And I haven't had a drink or smoke yet. I got one lab completed and made progress on two final projects. The promiscuous behavior and heroin addiction will have to wait until the Solstice Break.

Don't you hate it when you spray cologne on and you mistakenly inhale and bring the vapor deep into your mouth? I have a new hobby to go along with blogging. When something happens that I want to blog about, but I've already blogged for that day or I'm not in the mood, I jot a reminder down on a text file on my laptop (which is now kaput). Anyway, I had a note that said 'cologne in mouth.' I thought of this because it happened to me the other day, and I realized that cologne, much like vanilla extract, tastes nothing like it smells. Not that there are many colognes that I especially want to eat (welll...). Anyway, this was brought back to my attention when Marshall and I pulled up to the club and he sprayed on some cologne in the car and then started bitching about it getting in his mouth. I figured it must be an epidemic and I should address the issue the next chance I got. I dunno, just an observation. I got nothing left.

I've been having a lot of fun lately. I like having fun. But if I don't stop, there are going to be dire consequences ... dire like I haven't seen since my freshman year. It seems like a lot of the blogs around me have been delineating their goals for the rest of the year, and I realized it was time for me to do the same. If I don't figure out what I want to do with my life, how will I ever know when I fail?

So here goes my list of goals for the remainder of 2003:

• Get whiter teeth
• Tan the hide
• Lose 10lbs of fat
• Gain 15lbs of muscle
• Touch nose to knee
• Do the Scorpion
• Stop spending money
• Stop drinking
• Stop smoking
• Clean car
• Clean house
• Finish schoolwork
• Have a wonderful Thanksgiving

I went out last night. Nothing unexpected. Marshall didn't have anything better to do so he went with me. I decided it was a Jack on the rocks night. Yum. We stayed til almost 3 and then Marshall dropped me off at Raul's for an after party. Oh man, it was fun as always. All the usual suspects were there. Well, pardon me for yadda yadda-ing, but yadda yadda yadda I haven't been to bed yet. But, as I was getting a ride home from Nick this morning around 8, I had a voicemail from Leslie's phone. Her friend was desperately searching for his keys because he had to be in Houston or something. He didn't know what to do because everyone was passed out, he was keyless and upset, so he started goin down the call list. Apparently he had left his keys in a dark brown jacket, the very jacket I had happened to comment on on my way out of Raul's.

I was nice, and I called him back and left a message saying that the coat was there, no worries. And he called back as soon as I got home, got some meat 'n cheese in my belly and took a shower. He was pretty distraught about the whole situation and called his situation 'dire' so I rose to the occasion. Despite the fact that I was about to lay down to a much anticipated slumber, I got in my car and drove over to Leslie's to pick up a perfect stranger and drive him back from whence I'd come. When we got there, his jacket was sitting right where I'd seen it, complete with a set of keys. He was overjoyed; however, Raul was now distraught. Apparently, when I'd left this morning, I hadn't quite closed the door and Terysa's prized cat had escaped and was nowhere to be found. I felt pretty bad since I was the last person to leave so it obviously had to be my fault.

My passenger was not concerned in the least, having developed an unhealthy affinity for yours truly. "Just let him go look for 5 minutes and he'll find him," he boasted about me. I was like, no no no, I am definitely not looking for any cat right now, let's go. So, I opened the door, and out the corner of my eye, downstairs, I saw the fucking cat. I was overjoyed. "There's the cat," I stated matter-of-factly. It took zero effort to coax the cat to run full speed into the apartment, and I had two awestruck compatriats throwing their praise at me. Sometimes it ain't so bad playin' the nice guy. Now, it is WAY past due for me to go to sleep. Ciao bellas.

Today, I was riding the bus home from my morning class. This guy sitting across from me had left his uncapped bottle of milk sitting on the seat next to him. When we took a sharp left, the milk fell off of the seat and onto the floor where the contents exuded. There was a rather large puddle of white milk on the dark grey floor of the bus. And then we started turning, and long horizontal lines were painted. We stopped short, and then accelerated creating a grid. The more we traversed the route home, the more complex the milk painting got. By the time I got off the bus, I thought it was rather beautiful.

I wanted to find you all some kind of painting online that looked like the serendipitious modern art I was treated to, but instead I ended up looking at the Museum of Modern Art webpage for like an hour. You have got to see this exhibit called Tempo. I was very inspired. I especially liked the augmenter hammers and the chick laying on oranges. "Hold your breath and think of Spinoza." Wonderful. I think its about time for me to make a hair nest and start doing speed. (Name that allusion.)

I'm sorry you all couldn't have seen it. Maybe I'll make a painting. Probably not. I'm going to go have coffee with Topher.

Last night I was starving and we didn't have much to eat around the house. I checked on my apples in the crisper and one was all brown and mushy, but the other appeared to be edible. (SiDENote: I was just going to make a clever comment about how the word 'edible' should be spelled 'eatable' but dictionary.com says they are synonyms. Somebody thought of it first.)

Anyway, I'd been watching the Food Network all day celebrating their 'Let's Talk Turkey' programming, and everyone was doing fun stuff with apples. 'How do you like that massage, Mr. Turkey?' So I decided I wanted to do something fun with my apple and set about to frying it. First, I cut it up into thin slices, and then sprinkled it with generous portions of sugar. Then I melted about a quarter of a stick of butter and heated it up. Now, I have always enjoyed the smell of melted butter, especially when it first starts to brown. It makes my mouth positively water. But I'm starting to learn that it's rather nauseating to other people. Keith used to complain every time I cooked (since nothing I cook involves less than a stick of butter) and last night Owen was in his room with his T-shirt over his face to avoid the smell. Go figure.

Anyway, once it was really hot, I put my apple in and fried the hell out of it. I tasted it to see if it was good and it was a little bit too buttery, so I thought that if I just had a crust to soak in some butter it would be alright. In a last minute alteration to the recipe, I crumbled up some Saltines and poured the apple concoction on top. It was so delicious, I don't mind telling you. It tasted just like apple pie.

Not to be out-done, Owen went to the grocery store later that night and returned with a huge smirk on his face. He'd bought an assortment of strawberries, bananas, apples and pita bread, and said he was going to make us a dessert. I didn't know about his 'secret' ingredient though, and when I got my fruit pita, it had a white substance on it.

It turned out his secret ingredient was cream cheese. But I think traditionally if you're going to combine cream cheese with fruit you mix in like 2 cups of confectionary sugar first. He didn't do this so it ended up being really nasty. We ate the fruit and shoved our pitas down the garbage disposal. So now we each have our own special recipes for desserts that will really make you hurl! And since nobody seems to post comments much these days, I pose this question: Have you ever invented your own recipe (dessert related or not) that went horribly wrong? Comment amongst yourselves.

I'm still not feeling well, which I am using as my excuse for the sparse updates as of late. In fact, I'm feeling so crappy that I didn't even go out last night. The last time I didn't go out on a Thursday was because I had an exam at 8am on Friday ... which, btw, I just got back today and I made a strong A on it. Boo yah. Going to class is overrated.

I am talking to Jellienuts right now about several things. One of which being his webpage coming back online. That's very exciting for me, and I'm sure you'll all agree once he unveils the new creation. I'll keep you posted. I also must congratulate our dear friend Jellienuts on his graduation from puppet school. Today was his last day of puppet school ever. Congrats! We also had a lengthy conversation concerning the Food Network and a a couple other cable shows. He said judging from my blog he would guess that I don't watch a lot of TV, but I want to assure you all, that I do, indeed, watch many, many hours a day.

Next order of business ... if you're looking to collect on my freelance photography opporitunity you had better hurry. Sean informed me today that he is in possession of a digital picture of the young padawan. He apparently rides the same bus as Sean, and he was sneaky in snapping a picture of him with his picture phone. He still has to find a way to download the picture so he can send it to me, but once he does, that chance for fast cash will be gone, and it'll be down to cape girl. Just food for thought.

Lastly, I went to the third annual Diversity Symposium last night. It was pretty cool, but not as good as last year (see Friday, November 22, 2002). Of course, there were no celebrities from Real World, so it was as good as you can expect. We did get to listen to the new director of diversity at A&M speak. That was cool. Keith met up with me to go to the symposium and had some good points about it. He felt like everyone was really pussy footing around the issues. In an attempt to be sensitive to all people, they kind of missed the problems all together. I dunno, I think its still a step in the right direction. Anything that is the opposite of what the Young Conservatives of Texas would do is A-OK with me. I hate those fucks. </irony>

I woke up yesterday feeling like absolute crap. I haven't felt like a dozen roses in a while, but this time it was especially bad. I tried to take a shower and get dressed, but I had this nagging feeling that I wasn't going anywhere. I took my temperature with the thermometer that Chris bought for me, and it registered a whopping 100.5. My nominal temperature is usually around 96, a little lower than most people, which sucks because Beautal will never acknowledge that I am running a fever. But this time, they couldn't deny it. So I decided I would go in and see if maybe they could tell me accurately this time what I've got.

I had the best doctor I've ever had at the Health Center. He was so cool. He actually looked at me, did a throat culture, spent a little time with me. The last time I went the lady didn't look or touch me, just asked my symptoms and said 'its probably strep here's some penicillin.' Well that didnt' really help. Now the guy said I still have strep, but that I've contracted the flu on top of it. So he prescribed me something for the strep, and something for the flu ... since one is bacterial and the other is viral. Then he told me to alternate between tylenol and advil every 3 hours.

Then we got to talking about drugs. I asked him for some hydrocodone and he laughed and called me a drug addict and then said 'you seriously want some? do you think you need it?' And I was like 'hmmm well its just that my throat hurts so bad.' And he was like 'well if you want it, you can have it, but i think what you really want is some cough syrup with codeine in it ... how have you been sleeping?' to which I replied, 'not well at all.' So he hands me a prescription for phenergin, which I had last April when I was having problems eating and sleeping. He prescribed it to me solely for the side effects. I have so many jars of pills that i want to buy one of those old people pill organizers.

And here just a while ago I was arguing that everyone gets the good prescriptions and I never get jack shit. I know who my new physician is. The only downside is that I have been completely out of it for the past 24 hours. When I do manage to wake up from my drug enduced haze, I can barely function beyond laying on the couch. The only reason I am reaching out to now is that I just woke up from sleeping 14 hours last night, so my mind is the slightest bit clear. I'm about to go eat a handful of pills again though, so I'll catch you all the next time I come down.

I had to get up early this morning in order to take my exam in my networking class. I hate getting up early. It makes me physically ill (see Tuesday, September 30, 2003). I really think I should be able to register with the Students with Disabilities and be granted another test time. But, in the end, I just decided to go to bed at 11:30 and woke up with minor difficulties.

The test was going to be interesting. I knew nothing of it. In fact, I didn't even know there was a test until Thursday of last week, and it was agreed with little hesitation that none of us were going to study until Sunday. And then, I forgot all about it until I was laying in agony on the couch, suffering through a hangover, and Eric IMed me asking what time we were meeting to study. So it was time to employ the time honored tradition of cramming.

I find, though, that if you're going to take an exam in a class that you haven't attended since the last exam, sometimes studying can be detrimental to your grade. I went over all the slides and worked through a few example problems -- all told I spent a little under 2 hours studying. And then I quit, went home, and went to bed. I was among the first finished with my test yet again. There are two ways to finish a test first. Either you know everything, or you know nothing. Both of them accelerate your test taking time. It is only when you exist in that netherworld between knowing the answer, and forgetting what you've learned that you agonize over every answer, desperately wracking your brain to squeeze the last bit of information from its dark and unused dungeons. I prefer to stay blissfully unawares, and answer "D" to every question I don't know, because my name starts with "D." It's such a load off.

Anyway, this is my PSA to all of my beloved viewers. Next time you have a test, try not studying, instead of studying, and see how much your grade improves. Of course, you may want to wait until I get my grade back on this test to see how effective my methods have actually been.

I have another installment for you all in the "Have you seen this person on campus before" files. Joseph actually suggested this one to me, which was funny because I'd already planned on blogging about this girl previously. But, since I always have my pulse on the heartbeat of my viewers, I upped this blog in the precedence of future blogs. So let us begin to paint the picture...

She's not a particularly beautiful girl, but I wouldn't say wholely unattractive. She is a slightly overweight African American. She doesn't really wear weird clothing, nor does she act in any inappropriate ways, but I bet you've all seen her before.

You would recognize her by the massive cape she wears. I mean a big ass medieval-style cloak. Its huge and appears to be some sort of purple crushed velvet. My favorite part about her is that she wears her backpack underneath the monstrocity, so when she walks by, it appears as though she has a massive ass, and it always makes me giggle.

So, if you have seen this girl on campus, talked to her, run into her, thrown something at her, etc, whatever, just hit me up with a comment and let me know about your experience. If you've seen her eating lunch with the Jedi padawan, you win double secret bonus points.

UPDATE: This was Joseph's idea and I liked it so much I had to post this addendum. If anyone can snap a picture of either cape girl or padawan boy and send it to me I will give you $50. Start up your freelance photography job at SideshoViD.com. With all the picture phones out there, I'm sure this can happen. Say CHEESE!

I hate cell phones. I hate owning a cell phone. I hate other people owning cell phones. I hate the fact that they are completely necessary. I don't even have a home phone because I acknowledge the fact that home phones are an antiquated technology that really doesn't make much sense for anyone my age. I equate my hatred of cell phones to someone in Albert Einstein's time hating electricity. Because once he invented it, it would be so apparent what an improvement over every other technology it was and that it wasn't gonna be going away.

I'm not sure what has brought on my intense feelings lately. In a way this has been brewing for a long time. I used to hate cell phones but I wanted one really bad. That way I could avoid one of my other greatest hatreds: making plans. With a cell phone you can wander about aimlessly and not miss out on anything. I've always been a stickler for cell phone etiquette though. Ringers are completely unnecessary, and a societal faux pas. Just put the fucker in your pocket and turn it on vibrate. I've had my phone on vibrate for 3 years and it has never been an issue. Also, if you're with someone and spend the entire time you're with them on your cell phone, that is the rudest thing you can possibly do. This runs second only to answering your cell phone during a meal. Lastly, when people believe that just because they're on a phone no one can hear them, I really get upset. I'm the nosiest person I know, and yet, somehow, I have no desire to listen in on cell phone conversations.

I also don't like the fact that people tend to believe my cell phone exists solely for their convenience, and not at all for mine. That means that when people call me, I don't always answer the phone. Sometimes its inconvenient for me, and that is perfectly acceptable.

To top it all off, my cell phone has been telling people lately that my number has been disconnected or is no longer available. I don't know whats up with that, but most people sure do think its my fault. This is probably one of the pissiest and moaniest posts I've ever had, I'm just getting towards my wits end. I turn my phone off for around 6 hours a day and even that doesn't alleviate the anxiety I'm feeling about it. I desperately want to cancel it and get rid of my phone, but I know thats completely not feasible. Damn these shackles I've put on myself.

I just ate lunch down in Hullabaloo in the MSC and there was this camera crew following a guy around. I asked them what they were doing and they said they were doing a documentary on a student. The whole thing seemed fishy. It reeked of either christianity or fraternities ... or worse yet, a christian fraternity. So I uncharacteristically tried to stay out of the camera shot. I was totally in the background for a good while, so I held up my newspaper so that I would avoid appearing on any inspirational reality shows on EWTN.

In other news, I've been tweaking the ol' webpage just a little bit here and there. You'll notice that on the comments page of any of my entries, at the end of the entry there are now links to the previous and next posts. You can certainly utilize this feature, but I mostly added it on there because I'm a megalomaniac who likes to flip through all of my old posts in an effort to take my way-back machine to any time in the last year and eight months. Of course, as I did this I found that I could no longer just hit the 'back' button to get back to the main screen, so I made the SiDESHO graphic in the upper left hand corner always return you to the main screen, as was suggested by many around the release date of version 9.

I hope this will encourage everyone to visit more often, view more pages, and stick around longer. Right now, over the entire course of my webpage as it exists today (ie Greymatter) I have had 45,825 visitors, averaging 114 per day. The average length of visit is 188 seconds. That means that over the past 630 days, and 269 posts, you people have spent just around 100 days reading my webpage. I'm capitalizing on roughly 16% of your collective consciousness. Not too shabby, but it could be better....

I'm not sure how this post degenerated in to an evil plot for world domination. I apologize, Pinky.

"The most common symptoms of a strep throat infection are sudden, severe sore throat; pain or difficulty swallowing; fever over 101°F (38.33°C); swollen tonsils and lymph nodes and white or yellow spots on the back of a bright red throat." -- www.webmd.com

I thought I would let WebMD tell you about my morning and spare you any gory details. I couldn't sleep at all last night, which I attributed to my sleep sched becoming a tad wonky from the weekend, but it turns out, I was just pitching a fever fervor. I finally gave up trying to sleep around 6am, a solid 4 hours after I'd retired. I thought I might go to my 8 oclock and go about my day, but instead ventured to the health center.

I was there for like 4 hours even though I only saw a doctor for a good 30 seconds. She decided it was probably strep and subscribed me some Penicillin. She didn't exactly instill a large amount of confidence in her hippocratic intentions, but if there's one thing I do trust, it's pills. So hopefully I'll be on the up and up soon.

In the meantime, my offer is still on the table for anyone that wants/needs strep throat. It can have its benefits including, but not limited to, sympathy from friends, prescriptions to drugs, and excuses from tests. Think about it. If you decide this is for you, contact me and we will make out.

Walking back from Yoga I saw a large crowd of people gathered around the Sul Ross statue outside of the Academic Building. My curiosity piqued, I ventured closer to find out which insane right wing christian group was starting shit. The only reason I did so is because occasionally someone will be out there yelling the word "VAGINA!" and I love playing Vagina Day games. As I got closer, I recognized the all too familiar foul stench of Tom Short, nationally known campus speaker. My natural instincts are to turn and run from this man, not because I'm intimidated (although I've witnessed first hand his ability to talk his way out of any logical situation) but because I think the only way to send a message to him that he's not wanted is to ignore him, not argue with him. Arguing with him is just what he wants.

Against my better jugement, I decided to see if Owen was sitting out there listening to him. Owen has some sick fascination with Tom Short, as well as Mormons and his friend Adrian. Alas, he was not out there, but I made the mistake of coming within earshot long enough to hear him say something about homosexuals. Then I was stuck. Here's his story pretty ver batim (that means 'word for word,' Joseph).

"I was talking up at the University of Maryland one day and a young man who identified as gay said, Tom, do you think we should kill all the homosexuals? And I said we need to save them. And he said again, Tom, do you think we should kill all of the homosexuals? And again, I said that if they found Jesus etc, he said TOM, do you think we should kill all the homosexuals?

"And this went on for about a half an hour before I finally decided to address this young man's question directly. And I said yes, I think we should kill all of the homosexuals. But first, why don't we start with the young man that corrupted and perverted you, the one who made you think you were gay. And he stopped, and his face softened, and he said, you know, Tom, you're right."

WHAT?!?! WHO THE FUCK WOULD AGREE WITH THAT?! My god this man is a fucking idiot. I don't mind so much that one guy is a fucking worthless piece of shit beyond all reason and so intrenched in a 2000 year old fairy tale praying to Mother Goose that he should be fed to the lions, but I can't believe he is allowed to spread hate throughout the nation.

This man needs to learn that what he is doing is wrong. But since he knows how to work the free speech areas, we can't exactly silence him. So this is what I uncharacteristically suggest. If you see him, lets teach him that ignorance breeds intolerance, intolerance breeds hatred, hate begets hate, and hate begets violence. So if you see him, pick up a rock or something and throw it at his face. The more adamantly you know he's wrong, the bigger the rock should be. I gotta go now, I have some bricks to throw.

Day 1. Operation "Get Your Shit Together." The premise behind the new operation is the fact that my life is in disarray. The catalyst, of course being the fact that I have no money.

So it's time to stop fucking around and get my life back together. Day 1 was pretty successful. I didn't spend a single penny all day long except for some quarters for laundry. I know this will come as a huge surprise but my room is an absolute disaster. You can't even walk in it. So first I washed all of my clothes. And when I say all of my clothes I mean all of my clothes.

The next phase was to try to eliminate the cockaroach problem by cleaning the sink full of dirrty dishes. I fit all I could into the dishwasher and finished off the rest by hand. It smells much better in here. Maybe also because I took the trash out too, finally.

Okay, so those uninterrupted hours of brainless television watching ... well, they're not going away, but the are now going to be associated with something productive. I can vacuum while I watch TV. Or put away dirty clothes. I don't have to alter my entire life, just those hours during the day where I'm completely unproductive. I really think this could work. Wish me luck, you dirrty, dirrty sluts.

So remember how I told you all that I had overdrawn my account $750? My dad wasn't very happy about that. He called me on Friday night but I declined the phone call in favor of having a good time one last night. But I talked to him on Saturday. It was the usual speech about how I don't have unlimited resources and credit cards were not free money, yadda yadda yadda. I think he was more upset about the fact that I wasn't upset than he was about the money. But in reality, I realize the errors of my way.

Anyway, being the loving father that he is, he decided he would temporarily help me out with my financial woes under one condition: I am not allowed to spend another dime.

For those of you that know me, hang out with me, eat with me, shop with me, or are present while I surf the web, you will know that poverty is not the life for me. I spend money constantly. If it's not a new 60 dollar shirt, it's a Time Life DVD collection. If it's not a clever trinket from eBay, it's a decadent midafternoon meal. If it's not a 70 dollar bar tab, it's another freaking pair of shoes.

No more. From now on I am living the life of a poor college student. I've vowed to not spend so much as an extra penny beyond what is absolutely necessary to live. So far today I haven't spent any money. And it's not been easy. I drove to campus to eat lunch, and then took my leftovers home in a box to eat for dinner. I also took my ATM card, check card, and credit card out of my wallet, so I can only use them when I really seriously need it. I have 3 dollars in cash and a semi-full change bucket to see me through. On the plus side, though, this means I'm automatically on a diet, can't smoke, and can't drink. Maybe poverty is the key to healthy living.

Oh and about the chastity thing... I just figure nobody wants to fuck a poor guy.

Have you all seen this commercial for the new Quatro razor? Two blades is better than one. And three blades is better than two. And thats as good as it gets, right? Wrong. Introducing the new Quatro razor.

I laugh every, every time I see that commercial. Did any of you ever see that SNL commercial for the razor that had like 21 blades. The first blade cuts the hair. The second cuts it even closer. The third? Even closer. Then an amazing fourth blade cuts EVEN closer. Out of nowhere ... a fifth blade to cut even closer. The sixth blade usually completely misses the hair, but the seventh? EVEN closer.

God it was so funny. So I've decided to invent the quintro turbo razor. 5 fucking blades. Can you imagine? I'll completely trump this Quatro piece of shit.

Its almost time to get to Kyle Field to watch the Aggie beat the hell out of OSU. Deauxcheck is in town to go to the game. And then tonight is the big costume party. Ho ho ho. My prediction for the game? Aggies 69, OSU 6.

Post Script from OClay66: FYI David: I tried to find this new "quatro" you spoke of but had no luck. Then I realized it was because your miss spelled it. Its quattro no quatro (2 ´T´s). I am sure all you other international readers would appreciated the clarification and perhaps a website reference in the future. Thanks doll

I don't often take requests, but this one was just far too precious to ignore. I was out at the club last night, having some drinkie drinkies, when I run into Leslie (don't worry, she's okay). We got to talking and she was telling me how she didn't want me to think she's psychotic since I really don't know her, but that she really does read my website every morning. I'm like a low fat vanilla soy latte. So anyway, I told her I would mention her again since she got so giddy the first time.

So I woke up this morning at James's apartment. Motherfucker did not drive home last night. I went over to Dustin and Trey's to try and find a way back to my car. Dustin ran me over there (yeah, it would have been faster to drive). So I picked up my car (I'm pretty strong) and came home. And now I'm about to hop in the shower (which is so dangerous). I'll see you bitches later. Costume par-tay tomorrow whooo.

Oh yeah, and just as a footnote ... any of you who were jealous of me for paying off my credit cards in full last month can have the last laugh now that my account is overdrawn nearly $750. Whoopsadaisy.

I have a new game that I am completely obsessed with. This is of Minesweeper, Spider Solitaire, and Text Twist proportions. This particular game is called Typer Shark. If you go to yahoo.com and click on GAMES and then over on the right under Arcade games is this thing called Typer Shark. You have all got to try it.

When I was in the sixth grade we had a game where this race car would race around the track and you had to type the words in front of him before he crashed into them. I have been looking for that game for a while now because I believe I could really kick the shit out of it thesedays. Well, I couldn't find it, but Typer Shark is the same basic concept. You are a diver and you have to type the word on the sharks before they eat you. Only some of the sharks require two or three words before they die. Some of them have the letters backwards, and some of them mutate as you're typing to random letters and numbers and symbols.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that I am a Sea Titan. That's the highest rank I can achieve with 1.9 million points. My best round was 99% accurate at 119 wpm. Not too shabby if I do say so myself although I average around 95% accuracy at 90 wpm.

So I challenge all of you to go hone your touch typing skills with Typer Shark and report back here. If any of you can beat me, we may have to have a showdown of epic proportions. Until then, you have-nots. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaate.

Rain is not fun. Rain is not soothing. Rain is not romantic. Rain is wet. Rain is cold. Rain is a hassle. Today it rained. I got wet despite my jacket and umbrella. But I found a good solution to the problem. We have a heat gun in our lab. It is designed to shrink shrink-wrap, but we use it to dry off circuit boards after they've been electro-plated. Today I used them to heat my shoes to a toasty 100 degrees before I slipped them back on. Instant comfort. Took them off and repeated the process. Its the little things that make life worth living.

Today I went to yoga again. I forgot that we were supposed to turn in our yoga journals today so now I have to turn it in to the front office tomorrow. Not too happy about that cause it means I definitely have to go to school tomorrow and I am not in the practice of going to class on Fridays. We practiced our shoulder stands, where you essentially (to point out the obvious) stand on your shoulders with your entire body up in the air. If you do it incorrectly, your butt will jut out and it is hard to balance. I got another compliment from the teacher cause she walked by me and said I was "very straight."

I've been desperately trying to observe or overhear something funny today so I could relate it to all of you, but as of yet, I've got nothing. I haven't even seen something that I thought to myself, "That would have been a lot funnier if ..." and then could be related to you all as if that had happened. I'd even go so far as to say, I've not even spent any time daydreaming where I've thought "You know what's funny, ViD?" and answered myself, and then completely lied to you all and said it happened. My life is that boring.

But do you know what is funny? When monkeys ride dogs like horses. Not in and of itself, but if you put a saddle on the dog and a little vest and cowboy hat on the monkey, holy shit. You will get me every time with that shit. The other thing that is funny is the Joe Schmoe Show on the Spike Network, the first network for men. It comes on Tuesday nights at 8, so if you haven't been watching, start now. And if you want to watch it with me tonight, just let me know. HE THINKS IT'S ALL REAL!

I dunno, maybe something will happen to me on the way home, but I doubt it. This place is so blasse, so passe, so cliche, so predictable. More on that, after this....

I got my happy ass up this morning at 7am, got ready, and went to school. I haven't been to my 8 o'clock in so long, so I was overjoyed to find that I had arrived on the very day that we were having our first quiz. Hurrah! Not so fast, my overzealous readers... As it turns out, I didn't have the first clue how to answer either of the 5 point questions. Nonplussed as ever about this situation that I've found myself in many times before, I busted out the crossword and proceeded to work on that instead. While I may have gotten a zero on the quiz, I am happy to say that I finished the entire crossword during the time allotted. I almost turned it in to see if I could get any credit for my shrewd lexi-skills, but in the end, just opted for running out the back door and catching the bus home.

I'm still at work despite it being past 5, but don't cry for me. Not only did I show up late, but I fell asleep in my recliner over my lunch break and extended it an extra hour. Whoopsadaisy. I don't think anyone noticed though. I got a new space to work in that is quiet, secluded, and right next to the coffee pot. Things are on the up and up, although I'll only have this area for another week. My boss wants to set up a temporary lab. We're fast approaching our deadlines and I have to quickly become productive, while managing to also attend school and keep up with that. My life is so hard [note sarcasm].

In other news, I paid off my credit card in full this month. That's always exciting because it never ever happens. Fret not though, loyal viewers, I still have that outstanding balance at Best Buy for all the cool shit I bought this summer.

I have got to get back to the gym. Yoga is not exactly shedding pounds of beer gut.

Given: On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, my first class is at 8:00. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, my first class is at 9:35.

Observations: If I go to bed at 12:00 and wake up at 7:00, I am a completely unfunctioning wreck. Half the time I can't even drag my ass out of bed despite my best efforts. However, on the other days, I generally go to bed at 1:00 and get up at 8:00. There is never any problem. I hop right out of bed, take a refreshing shower and am productive all day.

Hypothesis: I have decided, based partly on my control systems class, party on my readings of string theory, and party on absolutely nothing, that it is not my fault. The earth and sun are a closed system, for our purposes here, and that sun oscilates around the earth a set frequency, generally every 24 hours. I, being something of a physical body, also have a natural frequency ... if it weren't for all the factors around me, I would oscillate at this undamped natural frequency, we will call omega. I have decided that most people's omegas are probably in tune with the sun ... this is why even if you don't sleep, you will naturally feel more awake when the sun comes up after an all nighter. I, however, have experienced a phase shift. I decided it was probably around 15 degrees from everyone else.

Conclusion: It is completely unrealistic, and a bit discriminatory actually, to expect me to perform in an 8:00 class when it is apparent that I am unable, physically, to do so. Your thoughts?

Last night I decided I needed a proper meal, so I coerced Owen into going to Outback Steakhouse with me. Holy shit, it was the best meal I've ever had. I got this $25 steak, and it was rare, and fatty, and bloody ... and oh my god. I still get happy when I think about it now. It was dead on what I was looking for. It reminded me of the scene in the Matrix where Cypher is meeting with Agent Smith and has the red wine, and red steak, and cigar. Only I had a bigass Coors light, red steak and a cigarette. It was absolutely incredible. Some day I will eat like that every day.

In other news, I have a few humorous stories that I should probably spread over the next few days when I run out of things to talk about, but I just can't wait and I don't want to forget them.

The other day I saw an American flag bumper sticker that said, "These colors don't run. Never have. Never will." And it was completely faded by the sun.

This sorority bitch on the bus this morning was talking on her cell phone entirely too loud (like they always do) and said to her friend, "I don't know how half the people got into this university much less to the point they are at. Charles was a softmore in college and didn't know how to do a bibliography. Can you believe it? A SOFTMORE! A SOFTMORE in college and he didn't know." And no, children, I'm not the idiot here, I'm typing it exactly how she was saying it. Very clear with the T.

I was walking behind two girls on campus today after yoga, and eavesdropping as I often do. And they were talking about Jesus. Only it was the weirdest conversation about Jesus I had ever heard before. They were saying things like, "We had Jesus at our party," and, "Jesus everywhere." So I kept listening trying to figure out what kind of whacko Christians these were. It wasn't until I overheard her say, "Yeah, we had them all ... Cheddar, Provalone, Swiss..." that I realized I was an idiot with a hearing problem.

Man, I had saved up so many choice stories for the blog this week, but at the moment I just can't remember any of them. I guess its true that beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that place where our beds and TV is. I got a little bit tipsy last night, which has facilitated my skipping of class and dodging of phone calls from the man ... and my mother.

My mother is calling because I told her I was coming home today. I need to pack up some dirty laundry because all of my good clothes are in the hamper. Now that i don't have a washing machine I will actually do it at home. I am going home for a number of reasons. For one, I haven't been back in a while so I need to see the rentals. My friend Ashlee from high school is in town and has been partying with Ryan Short and I feel left out, so I need to do that. And Clay is leaving for Spain a couple of days so I'm gonna go hang with him.

Not that I feel the need to justify myself to all of you. Did anybody watch the game last night? Cody Scates is a badass.

The other day on campus I saw a guy with a Jedi padawan hair cut. As embarassing as it is that I knew it was a padawan (hopefully, I'm misspelling it), he should be 10 times as embarassed to have the haircut. I would waste my time going to find a picture of it for you all, but meh. Its like a normal haircut but it has a tiny little pony tail in the back. The point of my story is that it was ridiculous looking and despite the fact that I've never been a physical bully, I was compelled to push his books out of his hands.

In other news, I hadn't talked to Brandon in over a month, and decided I would give him a call the other day. Turns out his phone had been disconnected, and I didn't have his new number. No biggie. I sit on the issue for a couple of days. Then I was talking to Dave and he mentioned that Brandon had gotten a new phone and shared that number with me. I wasn't particularly busy so I phoned him up to see how he's doing. The conversation went something like this: ViD: "Hey, how are you." Brandon: "I'm good, how are you?" ViD: "Good, good, keepin busy with school, you?" Brandon: "Oh I've just been working a lot" ViD: "cool ..." Brandon: "Did you call me today because its my birthday?"

Haha, whoops. Of course I forgot when his birthday was, I have a hard time remembering my own birthday, but I just thought that it was funny amongst the birthday calls to get a ring from me and me have no idea. I tried for about 30 seconds to play it off like I'd totally known, obviously, why else would I call. But he didn't fall for it. So I had to fess up. Oh well.

My hand is healing nicely, the red spot is getting smaller. It still hurts like a bitch. And in response to several recent inquiries, yes, I REALLY did stick a 9V battery to my braces and I REALLY did flash a flash bulb in my eye. So sue me.

And of course bundt cake is spelled b-u-n-d-t but it wouldn't have made sense in the context to spell it that way, smarty pants.

I have a couple of things to report. The first is news from the eRECt Center that I just returned from. I spent about an hour there, and never really got around to lifting any weights. Instead, I sat in the corner and stretched and stretched and stretched. My yoga teacher is going to be proud of me. Anyway, I tried desperately to touch my nose to my knee and I came ever so close, but no cigar. The way I see it, though, I'm only about two weeks away from it being effortless.

I bought my yoga book today and read part of it. Frankly, there were chapters in there that just plum made me blush. This yoga shit is going to be the best thing for my sex life since accidental tantra.

In other news, I was over at Josh's watching some TV, and his friend Kyle or Carl was there. I didn't really listen to his name the 100 times I heard it. I hope he doesn't somehow read this and get offended. Anyway, Josh brings up the fact that if you put salt on an ice cube and hold it in your hand that it will burn you. Ky(Car)l(e) claims that is bullshit. They bicker back and forth, eventually daring each other to try it. When they both wouldn't, I stepped forward as the guinea pig.

It's not uncommon for me to test theories out on myself. One time I stuck a 9V battery to my braces ... that felt like god had donkey kicked me in the face. Another time, I opened my eye right on a camera flash and set it off to see what would happen. I couldn't open my eye for about 2 hours and when I finally could, everything was red. Anyway, back to my story.

So Josh hands me an ice cube and pours a moderate amount of salt on. "Don't be shy," I prodded. More salt. After doing some research on the internet, the best explanation I've found of what happens is this. Pouring salt on ice is an endothermic reaction. That means it must draw heat into the reaction from the surrounding environment. This plunges the ice (normally around 32-33 degrees) to much, much lower. So when you hold it in your hand while this reaction is going on, it draws heat, not from the air, but from your hand. End result: frost-bite.

It was quite painful at the time, but not excruciating. Today, however, I have an ice cube shaped red mark on my hand that hurts pretty bad. Most people would encourage you to not make the same mistake, but I'm not most people. I want you to try this right now, and then leave me a comment letting me know how it went for you. Until then, my little plebeians. Peace out!

As a general rule, for those of you not currently aware of the situation, if it is raining outside, I'm not in a good mood. I appreciate the fact that some people find the rain romantic, or like curling up inside their dry, warm beds and listening to the rain hit the roof and somehow derive pleasure from this. But I am not one of those people. Rain is a hassle. For starters, it gets everything wet, including me ... at 7:30am. That's never cool. I also don't appreciate auxillary noises and lights. If I want to fall asleep to the sound of rain, I will buy a noise machine, thank you very much.

I was supposed to go over to Clay's house last night to watch Chicago. I only bought the damn thing a month ago and I still haven't broken the cellophane. But, then it started raining, which puts a hold on every plan imaginable, unless my plan is to get wet and cold and muddy, then rain is a good thing. I ended up opting to lay on the couch and drink a beer while watching The Daily Show. Which led to passing out hardcore while laying on the couch drinking a beer while watching the Daily Show. I woke up somewhere around midnight and then went to bed.

I'm attempting to get Dustin and Trey to go out with me tonight. I always have a good time when I hang out with those two. We'll see what happens. Now I'm going to go employ my yoga techniques and try to exhale some of this animosity to avoid being a malcontent towards the weather. Laaaaaaaate.

A lot of people seemed to enjoy my character profile of the sorority bitches, so I've got another one for ya. This person that bothers me lives in the rec center weight room. Now I'm sure there are a number of people in the rec center weight room that get on your nerves, but strangely, only one gets my goat.

I go to get a drink of water from the fountain, and naturally, there's a line. I mean I usually go during peak hours, so its not uncommon to have as many as 5 or 6 people in line for each water fountain. No problem. And when its finally my turn to take a swig, the asshole in front of me who has just finished slaking his thirst, stands up, turns 180 and bumps into me. He's not trying to be rude. One look into his eyes and you will know that the utter shock of there being someone behind him is genuine. But come on people, lets try to remain mildly cognizant of our surroundings out there, okay?

On a side note, I am venturing into my 37th hour of no smoking. There are a couple of reasons for my little experiment none of which deal with health issues. For one, its pure masochism. Translate emotional unrest to physical discomfort and watch it all dissipate. Secondly, my yoga teacher made us each come up with three long term goals for the semester and one of mine was to reduce the frequency and amount of smoking. I've been in the corporate game all summer, I know better than to word a goal so there aren't any loopholes. Anyway, if this is met with any amount of success then I'll keep you all posted; otherwise, I'll just let it fall by the wayside. I'm outtie.

This morning I hit the ol' snooze button one too many times. Next thing I knew, I was laying in bed at 7:30 when I have class at 8:00. So I did what I had to do. I omitted certain things from my morning ritual. One of these was showering. When you're going to be late again (batting 1000 on being late to the 8) hygeine takes a back seat to speed. Also, grooming is out the window. Fashion is a non-issue. To sum it all up, I woke up, pulled some pants on over my boxers, threw on some flip flops and was pulling a shirt over my geezy, messed up hair as I ran to the bus stop. And since I was running late, everyone around me was running late as well, and looked the part ... or did they ...

As some of you know, I live on or near Sorority Row, the row of worthless houses containing worthless people. Two of these pillars of society got on the bus one stop after me. At first glance, they appeared to have rolled out of bed and gotten onto the bus. The pajamas were a dead give away. But as I continued to look at them, passing in and out of consciousness, I started noticing that they had clearly not rolled out of bed. This was a carefully crafted look.

Her makeup was impecable, her hair quite styled. The pj's matched the baby T she was wearing and she was bright eyed despite the hour. Anyone who gets up early in order to achieve an unfinished 'look' and spends time trying to look cutesy for an 8:00 class should be hit on the head with a tac hammer.

Ergo, sorority girls are dumb. QED.

Exit Weekend. Time to put the ol' nose to the grindstone once again tomorrow ... y'know for 50 minutes since thats all the school that I have on Monday. Man, school sucks. The only class I like is Yoga, and I really, really like it. If you have the opporitunity to take it as a kineseology, I would highly suggest it. I will report more on that after I go to it a few more times, but its only once a week so that might take a while.

So I went to Humble, TX this weekend for my brother's housewarming party. Owen went with me, as did the famed fog machine. It was quite a hit once people got used to the haze. Deauxcheck was there, but Boozer and Tim, two of my brothers friends who probably read my website religiously totally bailed. It was a pretty good party considering how many people showed up and stayed late. I took on the single handed responsiblity of floating an entire keg. And while I wasn't technically successful, I did end up hurling in the backyard with only a vague sense of what was going on around me. That was pretty cool. And I woke up with very little hangover. Always a bonus. Anyway, my bro's been living in this house for a longass time so I don't know why this was a housewarming party, but whatever. I know he put the pictures up on imagestation but I can't seem to find his albums, so I'll update that later. Enjoy your week, you havenots. Laaaaaaate.

Happy September, dear viewers. How was everybody's first day of school? Mine was suckfuckingtastic. I'm not sure what that word really entails, but I think it describes my day.

I had to get up for an 8am class, and that was my only class. Turns out the prof didn't show up, and the TA only handed out a syllabus. So I got up for nothing, basically. And then I started working on a circuit board. About 13 hours later I determined that I had irrepairably fucked up the circuit board and threw it in the trash.

I started again because I'm a trooper, so now in my 15th hour of labor (how appropriate for Labour Day) I am almost ready to go home. I'm waiting for the presser to heat up to 175 degrees celcius, then I throw my board in and go the fuck home. Then I come back early so I can get some things done on this board before class, go to class, work on the board, go to class, work on the board, and maybe, just maybe get home at a decent hour. So much for being more dedicated to myself this semester, that lasted long.

Hit me up with a comment letting me know how your first day was, provided you are actually enrolled in school. Fuckers.

The first homegame of the Aggie season is under our belts. Coach Fran is off to a good start. I was really excited about winning. But I was also excited about pulling 'courtesy tickets' and getting to sit down through the entire game. Standing sucks ... like, just in general. I can't wait til I get a Rascal to ride around on all day.

I have called in twice now about my internet not working and though they swear they're going to fix it, they have yet to do so. I really want to get my webcam back up cause that picture has been up there for like 2 fucking weeks now. I'm sitting up at work again just to check my emails, IMs and update the old webpage.

Tomorrow class begins. I only have one class on Mondays but its at 8am. I thought it was my senior project management class, that I could not in a million years skip, and I wasn't too psyched about that. But it turns out, that its my network class with the prof that likes me. So while I don't plan on skipping, if I ever needed to ... say on a Friday morning ... I could. So I have to get up to go to class for 50 minutes, then I guess I'll work for the rest of the day. I mean I don't have shit else to do. My Tuesdays and Thursdays are little more spread out, and little more full. But as a whole, it doesn't look like I'll be too terribly busy this semester. Unless you count considering graduate programs and looking for a full time position after May. Im not excited about working in the real world, but I think I could be stoked about getting lots of money.

Not that I like money. I hate it. Thats why I'm always getting rid of it in droves.

Welcome to the last Friday of the summer, dear viewers. Another chapter of our unacademic career has come to a close. I would muse upon the experiences gained this summer, but in reality, that wouldn't take very long. I didn't do a fucking thing this summer. I went to work (fairly regularly) and drank at bars. I didn't take any vacations. I didn't go anywhere fun.

I don't mean to sound like a negative nancy though ... I count this among the best summers of my life. While in retrospect I usually regret it, I am a total home body, and I like staying home and doing nothing. Plus, I spent a LOT of money this summer, even by my standards. After all the extravagant meals, tabs at bars, a new laptop with all the fixin's, a new digital camera, a new cell phone ... christ, despite my healthy salary, I'm going into this next semester several G's in debt. How much does that fucking rawk?

I also should take into account all the friends I met this summer. I don't know what it is about summers in College Station, but people are just nicer. I wasn't even taking summer school this year and I made tons of friends (by my standards, tons is around 5 or 6). And most of them I'll probably stay in contact with throughout the school year. I have an idea, why don't each of you leave me a musings about your summer in a comment.

I decided that I wanted my blog to take on a more Jerry Seinfeld-esque observational approach to the entries. As you all may have noticed, I've become increasingly tired of narrating the goings-on of my life. I mean, if the only things you ever did were eat, sleep and drink, you'd run out of interesting ways to phrase it as well. I'm always inspired by people like Maddox or Alfie, both of whom have web pages better than mine. I've had lots of great ideas, sudden inspiration laying in bed or throughout the day, for really great blogs. Problem is, I forget them all before I sit down. Maybe once school starts and I constantly have a notebook in my possession, I'll start being able to remember things.

Anyway, I'm gonna go pretend to work now. I'm comin in on Saturday to help re-mill a board, so I don't feel like I even need to be here today. Holy shit ... fuck that, I'm leaving. I'm goign home. Whoo hoo. I am so nice to myself. I love you all, laaaaaaaaaaaaate.

When you walk into my bathroom at the new apartment, it feels akin to a carnival fun house. The mirror is a good 6 inches too low to fix my hair. The ceiling is less than a foot above my head. And the shower sprays directly onto my chest. Just getting ready in the morning has become a bit of an acrobatic adventure.

I decided I didn't like my new hair cut last night, so I gave myself a new one. I think it looks pretty good, and the hair in the sink looked as though I'd opened my own barber shop (on account that it was 4 different naturally occuring colors). I'm gonna get Todd to thin out the sides and back for me some time. I trust him, though I don't know why. He gave me one good haircut about 3 years ago ... which makes him the most experienced of any of my friends.

Owen came back in town last night, plugged in his computer and got on the internet without any problems whatsoever. We troubleshot and determined that my wall jack is jacked. Typical. Chris leaves for Yale tomorrow so we're gonna go out and party one last time. And then tomorrow is Ryan's birfday, and we're gonna party like its his birfday. More on that, after this ...

Man, I wish I had internet at home. As soon as I do, I will take a picture of my new haircut and show it to all of you. It is wild. My mother would hate it, which means that I really, really like it. I got sections of black, brown, and bleach done today and then she cut it REALLY uneven and its spikey all over. I am so conceited that I've spent most of the day trying to find a door or a window or a mirror to look at myself. Whoo. I'm excited. Okay, thats all I had to say, see you all this weekend on the floor.

I am updating you all from my laptop in the International Space Station because my internet at the new place is not working yet. I was hoping that I would plug in my computer and it would just fucking work, but of course, that was too much to ask for. I didn't want to mess with the the connection or the settings or anything, I just wanted, once, to plug it in and have it work. So it didn't, end of story.

Moving sucks, by the way. I forgot how bad it sucks. I do want to thank everyone who helped me move this weekend though, it really helped out.... I'm not entirely sure the sarcasm came through on that last statement. Nobody helped. Just Owen and his parents. And of course, thank you to the old roomies who left, not only everything for me to clean, everything in the pantry, everything in the refrigerator, everything in the laundry room, everything they didn't want, not to mention a huge pile of trash in the kitchen that ended up filling 10 fullsized garbage bags. No problem. I'm happy to help. No, really, seriously, I was happy to do it.

But its over now. Everything I own is in my new place, albeit in piles around the place. I'm hoping to have it all put away within a week. Owen is out of town for the week in Dallas and I'm trying to have it rearranged by the time he gets back. If anybody wants to help me arrange furniture let me know (that'll happen).

And speaking of polls, thats what this site needs. I'll have to look into that. Several people also suggested that the SiDESHO always direct you back to the main page. That can be arranged and probably will be soon as soon as I take a moment to work on some upkeep. I have tried to remain dedicated to updating the word of the day by suggestion, as well as the IM Quotes and Convo. There is also a new digital camera pic up above. This ass-to-the-ceiling thing is really catching on. You know you secretly tried to do it while you were at home. Fess up.

Enough with the bizznazz aspect of this blog. Here's the scoop. I am moving out of my duplex on Friday. Or rather, I want to. I have access to a truck from my new roommate, Owen, on Saturday, but I would like to get some of it done on Friday. So if you are in the Bryan/College Station area ... AND you own a truck ... AND you like beer (or wine or liquor or cigarettes (or whatever your fancy is that I could possibly bribe you with (provided its not too illegal))) let me know. I have a shitload of furniture to move. And I mean a shitload. I think it'll be too hard to do all in one day. I don't have to be out of the duplex officially until Sunday, but knowing me, its going to take all 3 days to get it done. I'm lazy... and fat.

Welcome one and all to yet another rebirth of SideshoViD.com. This would be the ninth spawning of the Sidesho-Phoenix. I thought that it was going to be rather obvious to everyone that came here, that this webpage was inspired by the artist, Mondriaan. He did a lot of paintings that were just black lines and blocks of color. The kind of paintings uncultured people look at and say, "I could have done that when I was four." Anyway, if you want to sound intelligent on your next date, spend a couple seconds looking him up and talk over coffee about the futility expressed in simplicity.

You'll notice (hopefully) that I tried to bring back a lot of the content that has fallen by the wayside here. We've got recent pictures above that I've taken with my digital camera. I'm hoping those change often, but we'll see. Click them to open a full version. You'll see some pictures of me to the left that also open up to full size. The webcam is back to 24-hour version and automatically updates itself without updating the entire page. This happens every 30 seconds, so sit back and enjoy the voyeurism. I brought back the search function, as well as links to the archives. The song of the day is now the 3 songs available for download. And I have brought back the word of the day as well -- trust me, you people need it. Finally, I'm going to post funny IM conversations I've had, so if you want to appear on my website, say something funny ... or just be an idiot.

I hope you all like the next site. If you have any suggestions for content I could add, let me know in a comment. If you like the site, let me know in a comment. If there's something you don't like, go to hell. Thanks and gig this.

This post is to inform you all of a new band on the scene: Junior Senior. Now if you've been in my car in the past few months, you might have already heard them courtesy of the demo CD that Steve-o burned for me after he saw them in Austin. Anyway, their new CD, "D-D-Don't Don't Stop the Beat" is in stores now. And it rawks.

For your listening pleasure, I have included my favorite track on the website today as the Song of the Day. It's called Move Your Feet. They also have a couple of videos on their CD and the music video for this song is so fukken rad its not even funny. I couldn't wait to share it with you all. This will probably up my bandwidth usage but who cares, just d-d-don't stop the beat. To view the video, click here.

Today I spent the day plating a copper board to be milled tomorrow. It was a riot. I think tonight I'm goin out with Ryan and Todd and some of their out of town compatriots. If you would like to join in the festivities, hit me up before then. Otherwise, I'll just see you have nots on the flip side.

Well now that the 3,000+ hits days are starting to waver (although I'm still around 10X the number of hits I'm used to ... over 8,000 this week!) I am fast trying to think of some schtick to keep people interested in my site. I've tried many things in the past: a 24 hour webcam, rampant egocentricism, guest bloggers, The Conduit E-Zine. Yet, for some reason, this blog keeps taking on a purely narrative approach. I talk about being late to work, and drinking beer on weekends. Thats Boring with a capital B.

So, I've been searching for inspiration as of late and I think a combination of sources have come together to form a great idea. First, the last time I was home, I was reading some Reader's Digest and came across an article about eating disorders, and how young girls find support groups online that help them maintain their anorexia or bulemia. I looked one up and it was sick. It had such advice as, "Any time you feel like eating, go for a run." Wow. Also, the guy who did the journalistic approach towards Stinky Feet and Date My Sister (thespark.com) inspired me to take notes on something people can engage in, not just my boring life. Finally, the Conduit article I titled but never wrote will now be put into practice. I would like to welcome you all to Day 1 of the Anorexercise Experiment.

My coworker, Karen, and I have decided on 4 factors to track my progress on the diet plan that promises to help you shed pounds faster than your "doctor" recommends. These are Last Meal, Anorexercise, Feeling, and Waist Size. Without further ado, here are the stats for Day 1 of the Anorexercise Experiment:

Last Meal: Dinner yesterday at On the Border. I had two soft chicken tacos. Anorexercise: Moderate yoga and a brisk morning walk. Feeling: Light headed and hungry. Waist Size: 32"

If you looked at yourself in the mirror today and didn't like what you saw, think about the weight loss benefits of anorexia, and the overall benefits of exercise, and try to imagine what anorexercise can do for you! Weight loss squared!

Well first, I'd like to welcome every last fuck who ever went to Texas A&M or t.u. to my personal website. Much like the 3,000 of you who have visited my site in the past two days (about 30 times the number of hits I'm used to) I'm assuming you've found my site by following the url on the picture of the overzealous Aggie shaving the school eblem into his chest. If you're not familiar with it, you can see it below for the time being.

Its incredible to me that 3,000 people were so enthralled with a picture of a man shaving himself that you felt obliged to look up the url and follow it to my site in hopes that you might find more pictures. In fact, I've gotten so many hits from the Austin area that we're planning an entire calendar that will be available for sale later this year called "Aggie Bears Bare It All." If you want an advanced copy, send me $20, idiot.

In short, if somebody wants to shave their damn chest, then thats his perogative. I thought it was pretty hilarious, as would you if you didn't spend your days on internet forums discussing body types of people you've never met before. Mother fuckers.

500 more miles on the car, 500 more P-town memories. Lets recap, shall we? The whole reason that I even decided to go home was because my brother from California was in town and I haven't seen him in a long time. But as it turned out, I didn't get to see him even once the whole time I was home because he was busy with one of his best friends marrying his wife's little sister. It all sounded a little incestual if you ask me.

So Friday night I dropped in on Simply Fondue to see my friend Blake that I haven't seen in a while. We chit chatted for a while and then I went home. Saturday I was woken up by JennyCole who wanted me to go to Stonebriar mall with her. And I did just that. We shopped for new clothes for her for a while with her mom and then I decided that I needed to find a new outfit to go out in since I had made some plans so I went to Willowbend. I walked around for a long time and didn't find jack shit to wear. It was pathetic. I was getting frustrated and had an entire day to kill since my family was all at the wedding, so I stopped into Toni & Guy and asked if they had any appointments available. They had one open but it was with the top designer guy so it was more expensive. Sounded good to me. An hour and a half later, I walked out of there looking and feeling like a million bucks.

I went to Coach then because my friend Clay that I was going out with works there and I needed to discuss our plans. He got off at 9:30 and then came to pick me up. We ended up at a bar called Minc around 11:00. We had one drink there but it was really dead because there was some huge $40 cover charge party going on elsewhere that everyone was supposedly at. So we decided to go downtown to the Village. I'd never been there before, and after skipping out on the line and the cover charge by darting in the ajar "Re-entry Only" door, we made our rounds. Not 10 minutes after being there, who do I run into but my old pal Ryan Short. I didn't even know he was going to be there. That was too much fun. We caught up on all the pertinent gossip. The cool thing about every other fucking city on the face of the planet besides College Station, Texas is that when the bars stop serving alcohol they don't turn on all the lights and kick you out.

I started noticing though that Clay, who had driven to the club, was almost doubling my alcohol intake, so I decided to switch to water in anticipation of having to drive home. Its a good thing I did too. We ended up staying until about 3:30 in the morning dancing to the best remixes of today's hottest hits. I was completely drenched when we left. It was so much fun. Clay had to crash at my house for the night, but since we had 4 empty bedrooms that wasn't a problem.

Today I woke up and went swimming for a while, got my first taste of the sun this summer. I got packed and ready to go and then met Chevy at Starbucks to share some smokes and stories, just like in the days of yore. Now I'm back home in College Station and I'm really rarin' to go for this next week of work. Hope you all had as much fun as I did this weekend and I will see you on the ol' flip side.

Holy crap. I've just been inside the mind of a genius. My soon-to-be-roommate, Owen, is enrolled in SCOM (Speech Communications to the layperson) this summer. His first assignment was to write a speech comparing him to a famous person. In the end, the famous person he chose was ... the common household lightbulb. I thought it was pretty cool that he'd chosen a person invented by the late, great American-extraordinaire, Albert Einstein. But I had no idea how cool it was until he sent me a copy of his speech. My favorite part of it wasn't even a part of the speech, just his notes at the top. And now, I invite you all to take a taste of the sheer madness that is Owen:

Light bulb: bright. internal circuitry. pale white. 60W(use power). give off heat(how much heat?). / incandescant. 120VAC(call someone at the electric company[ants crawling up arm]). canada(ask mom[how do i know this? i asked the one person that would know.). thomas edison. tungsten(what is that, and what is it made of?)

That is all, thank you.

Still no word on when the internet will be fixed at my house. The reason there is no word is because I haven't gotten around to calling Cox to tell them that my internet has been down now for 7 days. I don't think my roommate would call either because that probably constitutes a "boy's job." So I have to spend more and more time at work chatting just to keep up to date with the goings on of my online compatriots. Sad, I know, but so very, very true.

This weekend I'm heading up to Dallas. JennyCole is having a house warming party that I may or may not make it to. Its supposably tonight but who knows what time I'll hit the road, and make it to Plano. I have a few friends I'm planning on hanging out with whilst in Dallas, so it should keep me busy the whole time that I'm there. Clay lives in Plano now with his parents, so I'm sure he'll be one of the first I call. And my old friend Blake just moved into a fat loft downtown, so I might just have to go check that out. Other than that I plan on doing some shopping in a proper mall because Post Oak is a sorry excuse for a great shopping place. I'll be back on Sunday night and I will see you all then. Peace.

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Man, a lot has happened since I visited you last. I apologize for the hiatus, but I've been keeping pretty busy at work. Yes, I have a job. I'm doing some work for this company called NASA. They're like an aerospace company based out of Houston or something. The important thing is that they're giving me money! And its to do what I love doing best ... reading technical documentation and designing real time control systems. Yay! So that takes up my 8 to 5's. I'm about to start bucklin down and really churning out some results.

I had also planned this summer to work out every day. But as it turns out, the fucking rec center closes at 8pm every day, a time that is not convenient for yours truly. I already paid for the summer though, so whenever I get a free chance during their regular business hours, I'm going to sneak over there and argue with them and try to get my money back and take my business over to Gold's so I can actually get started on this workout routine. I did get my haircut though, that was another part of my plan, so check out the new webcam shot and compliment me.

I did manage to have some fun last week in between working. Like on Wednesday, Brandon called me in the morning to tell me that all of his hours got cut from work so he had the day off. Just then, my boss told me he was heading to Dallas for the day ... coincidence? I think not. So I hopped in the car and drove to Austin. Brandon's family just got a new house thats right on some river that feeds off of (or into?) Lake Travis. So it was like a 5 minute drive over to the Lake where we spend the day swimming and laying out in the sun in this field. I really felt like I was in a Country Time Lemonade commercial. It was much more fun than working, I'll tell you that much. I ended up leaving the next day cause I was too tired and lazy to drive home in the dark. Fantastic time.

I also managed to sneak over to Northgate a couple of times. It's been rather mundane what with everyone being out of town, but its still fun to sit and drink and chit chat with friends and strangers. In fact, I might try to find someone to go out with me tonight. I'm in the mood for a good hangover.

But, my friends, most importantly, lets talk about a little flick we call The Matrix: Reloaded. I'm not evil enough to divulge any of the plot on this website, but I am able to tell you that if I were to choose two words to describe it, they would be infuckingcredible and unfuckingbelievable. This movie is so damn good, just like I always knew it would be. I saw it last night for the first time with Ryan. And then today me and Owen were looking for an apartment. First we got hungry, so we ate, and then I started talking about the movie so we went to go see it. So we didn't find a place to live, but we did get to see the Matrix, so that makes it all worth while. I might go see it again tonight if no one will go out drinking with me. Oh my god its so fucking good. Go see it now so we can talk about it. And if you've seen it, IM me and we'll discuss. Okay, hope everyone's having a great summer, don't forget to check in with me from time to time. Laaaaaaaaaaaate.

In the words of the great Albert Einstein, "Free at last! Free at last! Thank god almighty, free at last!" Boy if the words of the greatest American ever don't just sum it up, I don't know what does. I am done with finals, done with grading, done with it all. Now its on to the summer. I will tell you all about it, but first I wanted to introduce something my good buddy Joseph sent me called the Shizzolator. It will translate any page into how Snoop Dogg would say it. (http://www.asksnoop.com) The rest of the blog I am going to write in Shizzolator style.

So I'm pretty sho that I gots A's in izzall of my major courses this semester n' shit. It's chemistry that's really going fuck me up n' shit. I don't think there's any way I could has gotten lower than a C in there but I would really rather has a B. I doubt there's any way I can make an A either n' shit. Regardless of what happens, that shiznit is really over this time." None of this hard work over da summer shit n' shit. I am getting an internship wit da space center in College Station, though, 'n that's going take up a lot of my time, methinks, know what I'm sayin'? I am bound 'n determined start my workout program on Monday though n' shit. I also need stretch a lot this summer so I won't be completely embarassed in my yoga class next semester, know what I'm sayin'?

Oh yeah, 'n Keith moved out 'n some brizzle moved in n' shit. I came crib one day 'n Keith's room is izzall girly 'n there brizzle wuz n' shit. She like hosted a dinner party tonight, I dunno, know what I'm sayin'? I wuz too busy seeing X-Fools 2, which wuz fucking badass, just in case yo' ass wanted know n' shit. I recommed everyone go see X-Fools now! I also seen da fucking trailer fo' The Matrix n' shit. Thus far I've avoided that shiznit, but that shiznit wuz right there in front of me 'n I couldn't look away, know what I'm sayin'? I had scream a few expletives during that shiznit, know what I'm sayin'? That move is going change my life forever, 'n I'm frightened by da prospect, know what I'm sayin'?

So this week I really don't has anything lined up." If yo' ass're staying in town fo' da summer, hit me up 'n we can arrange some weekly boozing sessions or something." Oh, one a footnote, happy birthday Eric Grande two turned da big ass 23 this Wednesday n' shit. Always nice celebrate a bday wit a fellow Northgate regular n' shit. Excelsior! I'll see yo' ass izzall on da flip siiiiide n' shit.

I would be lying if I said that this past week has been the best ever, but things are starting to look up. Its nothing a little Tums and some prescription drugs creatively acquired from Beutal can't fix. I put up a new song of the day by the Goo Goo Dolls. It's pretty descriptive of how I've felt lately. Check it out even if you hate the Goo Goo Dolls. The downside is that whenever I get down, I get apathetic. So its been really hard for me to get excited about spending my days at Thompson getting shit done. I wouldn't say that I'm behind, but I'm definitely not as on top of my game as I used to be. I needed a break though. Hopefully I'll be rarin' to go by the time finals come around.

Speaking of, my god, finals are right around the corner. I didn't realize that this semester was so close to over. There's like 2 weeks left or something. Its almost time to start sitting around reminicing over everything that's happened this semester, but I'll save that for a later blog.

I still don't know what I'm going to be doing this summer. I turned down an internship at NASA that would have required me moving to Houston for 10 weeks. I like can't break my lease and don't feel like finding storage and a moving truck and everything that would be required. So I'm gonna be stayin here on Medina. Speaking of, if you are looking for a summer lease, we need to sublease two rooms so let me know. The price is good, and you can't beat the location.

I just talked to my lab partner, Owen, and we are going to live together next semester. Soon enough his title will change from 'lab partner' to 'roommate' which is a pretty substantial promotion. So look forward to his name being in this blog more often. Well, I'm gonna go reheat some more of my massive stash of Olive Garden leftovers and then hit the hay. I'm driving the refreshments cart at the IEEE-Tech Golf tournament tomorrow and I want to be up and alert. Rawk!

So I guess all I have to do if I want a lot of comments to be posted by anonymous well wishers, all I have to do is post controversial depictions of history. I didn't mean to slight Scott's beer chugging abilities in the least, I was merely unaware that he had finished first. So congratufuckinglations to him. Indeed, a job well done. Everyone else, as always, can gig this. It is, however, flattering to know so many people frequent my website.

How fun was that power outtage, eh? I was sittin in Thompson working on my calculator user manual when everything went down. We decided to call it a lunch break, but it turned out that nowhere could serve food. Talk about sucking. There was absolutely nothing to do. So many times that day I was like "Oh I'll go do ... no, can't ... but I could ... no wait ... I'll just go home and ... no, no I won't." Man, I love electricity and miss it when its gone. I ended up making the best of the bad situation though. Despite the fact that I had a shitload of studying on the internet to do, as well as finishing up some programs and writing some papers, I managed to relax based on the fact that I could not possibly do any of them. So I rode the bus over to Brandon's apartment and we sat out on his patio and chilled in the nice weather just waiting it out. That was really fun until the bubbles came on in the hot tub, and we realized the power was back. I had to go back to school and he got called back into work, so we walked over to my house and I gave him a ride to work.

In other news, today I took a chemistry test that was pretty hard. I think I did alright on it though. All I need is a C so I can pass this stupid class and be done with it, and I'm pretty sure that I got it. I don't want to be presumptious though. Anywho, I gotta run, my little break is over.

Travel plans: I'm heading to Austin tomorrow to present some projects to the good folks at National Instruments. And then Saturday I'm going to Houston to have easter with my brother. But I will definitely see you all on the flip siiiide.

I turn my back on my beloved Sidesho-Viewers for a couple days and all hell has broken loose. Its absolute anarchy at SideshoViD.com. I took the time the other day to discuss with Joseph the goings on as of late, namely the CTRJFS.C. I wanted to get his feedback on the whole issue. He put on a brave face, but I could tell through his IMs that deep down inside lay a broken man. Hopefully, it won't discourage him from his post.

The thing we noticed that struck me as odd was that all of the comments from CTRJFS.C came from an ip address that was traced back to Carrolton, TX. I dare say, I do not know anyone from such a hole as Carrolton. I used to know people from there, but thankfully they have all moved away, allowing them to remain friends despite their upbringing. Long story short, if CTRJFS.C wishes their identity to be known (publicly or just by me) let me know because I'm mildly interested.

Other than the drama in the LBC things have been going great. I think I have a sleeping disorder, but thats nothing a little nightcap can't take care of. Life is good, life is grand. Catch you sluts on the flip siiiide.

Good Afternoon, This is the 20th time I have spoken to you from this blog, where so many decisions have been made that shaped the history of the internet. Each time I have done so to discuss with you some matter that I believed humorous or interesting. In all the decisions I have made in my public life, I have always tried to do what was best for SideshoViD.com. Throughout this long and difficult period, I have felt it was my duty to persevere, to make every possible effort to complete the term for which David chose me. To those who have stood with me during these past difficult months, to my family, my friends, to many others who support my cause because they believe it is right, I will be eternally grateful for your support. To those who are not able to give me your support, let me say I have no bitterness toward those who oppose me, because all of us, in the final analysis, are concerned with the good of SideshoViD.com, however our judgments might differ. Sometimes I have succeeded and sometimes I have failed, but always I have taken heart from what Theodore Roosevelt once said about the man in the arena, "whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again because there is not effort without error and shortcoming, but who does actually strive to do the deed, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumphs of high achievements and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly." I pledge to you that as long as I have a breath of life in my body, I shall continue in that spirit. I shall continue to work for the great causes to which I have been dedicated throughout my months here on SVC, the cause of free speech not just for friends, but among all of our people.

So I looked at my friend Matt Pakes's buddy profile and saw a link called "FUNNIEST VIDEO EVER." I clicked it cause I'm bored, and I was rewarded with what was, indeed, the funniest video ever. I hope he doesn't mind me linking to him. If its a problem with the bandwidth or something, just let me know. MEOW!

Also, I saw another magic special with David Blaine today. I am convinced that this man is Jesus. I saw him bite a quarter in half and then spit it back into once piece. Its fucking incredible. I've seen him levitate too. If that isn't evidence I don't know what is.

And on a final note, check out the new Beastie Boy's song. Its really good ... and my first comment on this war on SideshoViD.com thus far.

Contrary to what some of the buzz around the internet community would suggest, reports of my death are greatly exaggerated. I was simply preoccupied by the spring break activities, and let me tell you folks, incredible activities these were. So many things happened that I don't know where to start. Let me start out by saying, true to internet celebrity form, my break was full of booze and sex. It all started when I boarded a plane last Friday evening bound for Amsterdam. On the way over, I had the kind stewardess serve yours truly around 8 or 9 vodka tonics. By the time my crew and I arrived, we were all in good spirits, and ready to party, Dutch style. However I think it was sometime around 3 in the morning when I awoke from a drunken stupor alone, curled up against a wall in the red light district, without any pants on, that I realized...Spring Break is Awesome!! It didn't take long for me to find my way back to our hotel, and pretty soon I was sound asleep, getting rested up for the next night of partying. The next day we all enjoyed a lovely brunch at the Amsterdam Hilton, followed by a round of drinks at the supper club, a hip restaurant and lounge located at 21 Jonge Roelensteeg. After that we all headed back to the hotel to get ready for our last night in Amsterdam. That night, we went to the, ok, listen, I didn't go to Holland. In fact, I didn't do a damn thing over spring break, I was just lazy and didn't blog. I want to renew my committment to SideshoViD.com and it's viewers, in hopes that we can all look forward to a new, invigorated period of creative exploits. I assure you, some very exciting things are happening! For now, I bid you farewell.

I am back in College Station, folks, and I have to say ... it appears as though nothing has changed. I had a good time on my impromptu semi-annual Spring Break tour of Texas. I'd like to take you on a journey now, if I might. A journey through my week.

I arrived in Austin on Sunday evening and first went to JennyCole's friend's house. Her name was Lindsey and she actually lived up in Pfluggerville, just north of Austin. Its not half as fun to be there as it is to say the name. We ended up playing Speed Scrabble for half the night. Pearl and Matt Pakes, two friends from high school, were supposed to be in town to take me out and show me a good time in Austin, but when I called them to see what the dillyo, they were in Houston and not coming back anytime soon. So I was stranded in Pfluggerville. Believe it or not, with very little prodding, I actually convinced JennyCole to go to 6th Street with me. Several things about this make it amazing. First, Jenny doesn't drink or party and had never even been to 6th street despite being a t-sip. Secondly, Jenny is a staunch Mormon these days and generally separates herself from situations ... situations that I call "my life," for instance. Thirdly, this was a Sunday night, the day that should be spent feeling shame and remorse, not having fun.

However I did it, though, I managed to cajole her out to the bars. First we headed to Shadow Lounge or something to that effect. We went there because Steve-o was hanging out in Austin and I was gonna hang out with him. When we walked in though, there was a shadow of a girl dancing suggestively and loud heavy rock music blaring. This proved too much for Jenny's fragile defenses toward all things carnal, so after I said my brief hellos to Steve-o, we had to split. We ended up finding a nice little bar that was all green on the inside and had trees and shit. Tres chic. I had a couple drinks and Jenny got served for free, since her drinks had no alcohol in them. And when I say no alcohol, I mean no alcohol. Alcohol free!

We stayed that night at Jenny's friend Fabian's house. So I wanted to thank him for his warm hospitality and comfy drop cloth to sleep on. The next day we went shopping on the drag but art majors don't generally shop ... or eat or drink or listen or watch or associate ... with anything trendy, so I was basically shopping by myself. I called up Brandon and he met me out there so I would have someone to actually venture into the stores with me. Our final destination of the evening was the movie theater where we saw The Hours. I don't feel like I'm exaggerating when I say The Hours is the worst movie ever made. Under no circumstances should it be viewed by anyone. In fact, I left the theater once to have a cigarette because I was so fucking bored, and again at the end to catch the last 15 minutes of Shanghai Knights. The Hours was horrible. Worst movie ever. Thats what you get for going to the theater with art majors.

After that rousing viewing experience, I decided to hop in the car and drive to San Antonio. It was already around 10:30 but the prospect of another night on the floor of a painty apartment prompted me to make the midnight trek. I hung out with Kevin for about an hour before we went home and went to bed. His Spring Break is next week so he still had class to go to early in the morning. Tuesday night we went to this badass bar called Cheerleaders. And when I say "badass" I mean "totally lame." I pissed and moaned until we left and went back to Todd's house to drink. I ended up drinking all night long while debating political and social issues with people who were turned a little bit backwards and needed a good smack upside the head, although to do so would have negated my entire point. It was still fun though.

I opted to stay and extra day since I was hungover the next day until dusk and didn't feel much like driving home in the dark. So I got up this morning at like 7 when Kevin was getting ready for school and I hit the open road. Now, I find myself back in College Station. I have plenty to do in the remainder of my week. I have a document/presentation due Tuesday. Thats my most pressing concern. I would also like to work out, do my laundry and clean my room. We'll see if that ever actually happens.

Now, each of you, don't leave me hanging. Hit me back with a comment instead of an IM to let me know how your Spring Break is going/went. Hope you had as much fun as me. Peace, I'm outta here.

I just got this word of the day in my email and I couldn't wait to share it with all of you because I just know you're going to want to use it 3 times today. I also thought it was a rather succinct description of yours truly. So the next time any of you talk to me I expect you to slip this word in somehow:

sciolist (SAI-uh-list) noun

One who engages in pretentious display of superficial knowledge.

[From Late Latin sciolus (smatterer), diminutive of Latin scius (knowing), from scire (to know). Another example of the similar kind of word formation is the name of the bird oriole which is derived from the diminutive form of Latin aureus (golden).]

Happy Birthday to SideshoViD.com! You all may not realize it since the website, the domain, and the legend have been around much longer, but it has been almost exactly one year since SideshoViD.com as we know it today came into existence. I would have blogged on the exact day that my blog turned the big 01, but I fell asleep and woke up after midnight. I meant to go to lab tonight, but damned if it wasn't just too fucking cold to go back to campus once I got home.

My weekend with Kevin was a blast. I got some killer new shoes from Steve Madden. I snapped a picture of them on the webcam even though they're hard to see. They're just all black tenny's. Tres chic. We also went bowling and cheated and got really high scores. I haven't bowled in so long and I sucked so bad that we played 7 Pin No Tap to make me feel better. I ended up with a 211. We went and saw Old School as well. Oh man, was it hilarious. I highly recommend the flick to everyone. One night we also went to watch his sister, Laura, play in some like basketball game. They totally dominated, I was impressed. That was about the extent of everything productive that we did.

The rest of the weekend was spent sitting outside of the local smoothie shop where Kevin's friend Andrew works drinking free smoothies and basically trashing the place. We also went to a couple parties at Todd's house which I'm still laughing about. I swear everyone there besides Todd, Kevin, me and a few others were like 18 and below. I got asked several times what grade I was in to which I responded, "the sixteenth." I also made a habit of asking people who their homeroom teacher was. I felt kinda special though because it was my first real high school party. I didn't go to high school parties when I was in high school mostly cause I didn't know when and where they were happening. And now, here I am, not 4 years later and not only am I AT the party, but i'm TOO COOL for the party. Sweet vindication, dear friends. So sweet.

Anyway, it was a really great time. I may go back to see Kevin over Spring Break, he may come here, I dunno, I dunno, its all really up in the air. Anyway, wish a Happy Birthday to my blog and I'll catch you sluts on the flip side.

Ahhh, the joys of a dual blog. I can always rely on ol' Joseph to fill in the parts of my stories that I conveniently forget to include. No harm done though, I doubt anyone was met with any amount of resounding shock at the implications of Joseph's last blog concerning me.

This weekend I am going to be going to San Antonio to visit Kevin. I haven't seen him since our birthday (which is July 6th, write it down). The catalyst to this decision is this gift certificate thats been burning a hole in my pocket. My parents got me a gift certificate to Steve Madden shoes for Christmas, but in the post-Christmas shopping madness, their entire stock was wiped out. So rather than settle for something I didn't want, I decided to hang onto the gift certificate to order online at a later date. Well it turns out that you can only redeem this gift IN the store. Also, it turns out there are only 3 Madden outlets in the state of Texas. Two are in Plano and one is in San Atonio about 15 minutes from Kevin's house. So wahlah, there was my decision. Earlier today I told my buddies in lab that I was gonna go to San Antonio and when queried as to the reason, I prompted them to guess. Eerily, Owen's first guess was to buy shoes. He swears he didn't over hear me saying it earlier, which just means that I have GOT to get out of the lab and stop spending so much time with him.

My brother informed me that he's going to be in College Station on Saturday which kinda sucks that I'll be out of town, but the wheels of destiny have already been set in motion and I fear the inertia is too great to reverse. So I won't get to hang out with him.

Joseph's been sending me some emails and IMs about some pretty exciting things that he would like to go on at SideshoViD.com. I don't want to reveal anything at this point, but lets just say that SideshoViD.com might be coming to a theater near you ... Okay thats a complete lie. But do look forward to some new innovations. Czech you skillets on the flip side. Laaaaaaate.

sobriquet (SOO-bri-kay) noun, also soubriquet - A fancy nickname or a humorous name.

Let me tell you folks whats been happening lately, or like late last week. As you know, last Friday was Valentines Day. However, I had two huge tests to prepare for. Thus, I decided to study until 8:30 or 9 and then head over to my girlfriends place and get drunk to celebrate. On my way out the door though, my roommate asked me if I could buy him beer for like 6 people. Normally I would be pretty peeved at this request, but being the goodhearted soul I was at that moment, I decided, "why not." So, after a stop at Appletree to get two 30 packs of Miller's "High-Life", my roommate's a classy guy, I headed over to Megan's apartment to celebrate, and get drunk. After exchanging gifts and various terms of endearment, I began to get drunk. And as the evening wound on, and the bottle of Vodka wound down, Megan and I found ourselves laughing heartily while being serenaded with "What's Goin On" (the Marvin Gaye classic) courtesy "Usher" on BET's Valentines special. Needless to say, the experience was both enjoyable and unusual. All in all, I'm FAIRLY certain I passed out around 1 am. Now, let's rewind to Thursday night. I was studying for a test I had the next day when I remembered I was supposed to get in touch with ViD. We had discussed hanging out and writing the first ever Point-Counterpoint that night. Before I called him though, I planned on canceling due to my academic obligations the next day. However as I was studying, I realized the stuff was b.s. I tried to study some more, but I couldn't. When I finally got in touch around 10:30 pm, Mr. Sidesho's evening at Northgate was already well under way. The temptation to go hang out was too great, so I gathered up my books and walked over to the bar in hopes of finding the creator of SideshoViD.com! When I got there, I was greeted by a loud, slightly slurred ViD. Eventually Ryan showed up and the three of us shared a few beers and a conversation. Pretty uneventful. Apparently though, by the time the bars closed, your friend and mine was pretty tanked, and I have reliable sources telling me that when he arrived home he passed out on his bathroom floor, with the heat fan on, for approximately 2 hours. Hahahaha. Anyway I gotta take off, you folks take it nice and easy. idiot savant ('E-"dyO-sä-'vän) noun 1. A mentally defective person who exhibits exceptional skill or brilliance in some limited field. 2. A person who is highly knowledgeable about one subject but knows little about anything else.

Howdy folks, I just saw the conclusion to "Joe Millionaire" and let me just say I was pretty disappointed. First off, I was disappointed because when he told them he had been lying he didn't laugh and tell them they were on tv. Second, and this issue is more general, I don't feel like he really extorted everything he could out of these gold-diggers. He allowed the women to leave the show with their morality and dignity intact, and as far as I'm concerned, that breaks rule #1 of reality television. Instead, I think the show should have been entitled something to the effect of "What will she do for $50,000,000?", with each episode chocked full of Evan forcing the girls to perform humiliating and degrading tasks in order to move on. At the very least, this would have been more entertaining than having to listen to the guy cry about the moral dilemma he found himself in. Wah wah, now get your ass out in front of those cameras and make these women earn their money. Well thats it for right now, I know it was short, but I have to get back to studying for a test. As soon as I can I'd like to post about my eventful Valentines Day as well as my Thursday night on Northgate with ViD. Later.

This is just a quick note to inform you all of a neat little feature that Greymatter has. Greymatter is the cgi program that I use to generate this website. It is available for download at http://noahgrey.com/greysoft/. I just thought I would throw that in there since I'm supposed to keep an icon of greysoft on my page while I'm using it, but puh-lease, you know it didn't fit into my theme. Anywho, the feature I'm talking about is comments.

If you look at the top right of each of these "IM" windows you will see a link that says Comments Posted: followed by a number. If you click that it will open up a spot on the left where you can enter your name and comments for all to read and enjoy. I felt the need to bring this to everyone's attention because I just came home to about 8 IMs on my desktop telling me that you've enjoyed the new layout. I was excited then to go see what kind of comments were left and was disappointed to find that there wasn't a single one. So I realized that you were all IMing me because you didn't see the link or didn't know about comments. I wanted to get you in the know.

On another note, Ryan was having a fantod last night because the word of the day is gone. So I told him I would start trying to throw a new word into every blog. So here it is:

solecism (SOL-i-siz-ehm, SOA-li-) noun 1. A nonstandard usage or grammatical construction. 2. A violation of etiquette. 3. An impropriety, a mistake, or an incongruity.

This week was pretty good. You'll hear only a few minor complaints from me about it. I had a Chemistry test on Wednesday. I really didn't prepare for it very well. I watched all the classes in the library over the course of a couple days before the test and i worked all of the homework problems, but I still wasn't very good at solving problems. Anyway, I was pretty nervous about the fact that I was basically going to take an exam unprepared for the first time in a couple of years. I showed up and started the test and I didn't know the answer to the majority of the True False questions, so to simplify that process, I just put True for every single one. I was fairly certain that the majority of them were true, but I honestly wasn't sure so I guessed. Well as fate would have it, Jebus didn't want me to take a test unprepared either, so he turned the lights out. I was on question 3 when it went dark. We sat in the pitch black for like 10 minutes and then they opened the back doors to let in a little light and told us to turn our tests back in and leave. I have to take it next Monday now. I read the test in the stream of light and it didn't look too hard so I'm not skurred.

I was completely about to make a chemistry reference to drinking now and tell you about my rather mundane Northgate experience on Thursday, but I've just been filled in on the events of the night by Keith. Apparently a lot more happened than I actually remember. I would type the whole story here, but I have to run up to lab real quick so if you want to know just IM me.

Oh, I just realized it was Valentines Day. Its obviously been a big deal to me this year. Have a good one, you sluts.

Thank you very much David, I appreciate the opportunity to collaborate with you on this wonderful version of SideshoViD.com! As always folks, I feel some really exciting things are happening around here, but before we get to all that, why don't I let you know a little bit more about me. As ViD mentioned, I have managed my own blog for over six months now, and I'm a junior economics major at Texas A&M University. That's really all you need to know about me at this point. I first met SideshoViD my freshman year, when I had the ungodly fortune of living with him for my first semester in college. He and his cronies managed to make my life a virtual hell that semester, although the excessive drinking, sleep deprivation, and psychotic girlfriend did nothing to contribute to a peaceful state of mind. All in all though, I carry some fond memories from my time in Moore Hall. Later that year, I moved in with my friend "Stinky." For those of you who don't know the story, the name Stinky wasn't just an affectionate nickname given to that big teddy bear. Literally, a pungant odor followed him wherever he went, even after he would take a shower. Haha, As I remember, ViD used to claim that by the time he hit the stairs in the dorm, he could "call" whether or not Stinky was in our room, which was about 10 doors down from the stairs. Anyway, soon after I moved in with Stinky, he got kicked out of the university for some schoolboy stunt he pulled in the quad outside our dorm. Sometime after that, ViD and I began to repair the broken down friendship that was a remnant of our time as roommates, and I began to learn html. I guess you could say the rest is history, and I'm very excited about being a part of such an exciting webpage. People all across the internet are IMing me and, they're all excited, that's what they are. So I hope you'll sit back and enjoy the next few months that will hopefully be full of some funny stories. Also, we plan to occasionally post a "Point-Counterpoint," where we face off on some of today's most controversial issues. It promises to be very exciting, as long as nobody comes along and throws a monkey wrench in the whole process. That's all I've got for now. Talk to you later.

Welcome one and all to the fabulous new SideshoViD.com -- Version 7. I'd first and foremost like to take this opporitunity to welcome my friend, Joseph, to SideshoViD.com. For years now we've talked about him becoming part of this operation. After maintaining his own successful blog for many months now, and always managing to make me laugh, I decided it was time to get him on SVC to blog about his day. I hope you all will enjoy his posts as much as I always do and will take the time to click on the buddy list to the right to send him a welcoming message.

Speaking of that buddy list over there, that is not just to contact Joseph and me. That is there for you to have your screen name on. If you would like to be on the SideshoViD.com buddy list, just send me a quick IM expressing that desire and we will have your name up there within 24 hours. Hopefully, it will grow very large very fast.

There's still a little bit of work to do on this page, but I was just so excited that I had to release it STAT. Joseph's webcam link doesn't work yet, but mine does. Its a really boring story as to how that happened, so I won't share it. If you want to download the Song of the Day just click on the mp3 icon to the right. Today is 50 Cent - In da Club. He's my new favorite rapper. Go Shorty, its yo birfday!

The comments page is still kind of ghetto. I need some inspiration as to what the comment form should look like. If you have any idea on how to attractively package it, let me know. Other than that, click around and reacquaint yourself with all the trappings of an SVC. Thanks for coming back. EoL\n

Well I went and studied tonight. Yeah, yeah, I know, but David is sick apparently, and we all know, if David is sick, Joseph doesn't come out to play. Yeah, NOT really. Ok well I'm just seeing how this works so far. All I can say is Some Very Exciting Things Are Happening.

It seems that this has become a bit of a weekly occurence these days. I'm sorry to all of my loyal Sidesho-Viewers ... I just don't ever feel like blogging anymore. I've been really busy and enjoying that fact. I do my best to have a list of things to do every day and get them done. So far my system has been flawless, but I just know that one little monkey wrench will cause the whole thing to self destruct.

Last night I went to Ptar's with my neighbor, Breezy. We met up with Ryan and Todd and their friend Sam. Sam was insistent on buying everyone shots. Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't complaining, and I certainly wasn't declining ... but I got real drunk on Thursday so i was trying to take it easy last night. Well then I get a call from my lab partner, Owen, and he's at Northgate. It had totally slipped my mind that it was his 21st birthday. So congrats to Owen, Happy Birthday.

Now, some people at the Ptarmigan were a tad perplexed that I would leave them to go to Northgate to hang out with my lab partner. But if you know me at all you know that me and my lab partners spend more time together than me and my roommates do. Plus Owen never drinks so it was a special occasion. Me and Breezy met up with Owen at Northgate and headed right for Dry Bean. I knew that I had to buy him a Royal Fuck, the best shot on the menu. That was fun, then I decide we need another. So we took a Sex with an Alligator. Good stuff. Then Kerin came in and he was having a round of Jäger Bombs. So I threw in for Owen to join us. Immediately following that Owen claims that he's always wanted to try a Saki Bomb from Kyoto Sushi. What a champ. So we went and took a Saki Bomb. Needless to say, it was Carpool for the ride home. I ended up seeing Allison and Christine out at Northgate so we rode together. I know that I drank a few more beers, ate some frozen Mexican food and then passed out on Allison's couch.

It was a great night. Man, these weekend posts are consisting of nothing but a drink menu from my night before. Oh well, its more exciting to talk about than digital outputs needed to control an SM-E040 stepper motor. I called Owen today and he said he threw up in Chevron and then at home, for any of those that were wondering. The story wouldn't be complete without that. So I hope everyone else had as good a weekend as I did. Leave a comment some time this week if ANY of you have the time. Peace out, have nots.

Okay, fine, I'll update. Obviously there's a lot to talk about ... something in the order of 7 blogs worth, but I'm just gonna try and pick the creme de la creme for you all to read about. The first week of school wasn't so bad. In fact, it was downright okay. I taught two lab sections. That was actually pretty fun. The first lab was really easy and everyone got it done in lab. Next week I start having to do help desk hours Tuesday morning, and open lab hours Thursday nights. Its gonna suck, but whatev.

My classes that I'm taking all have really cool professors. One of them just got tenure recently so he no longer cares about grades and evaluations and stuff. In that class we're going to be working with a $2 million dollar Teradyne chip tester. Its the same one they use in industry, but someone donated one to us so we could learn how to use it before we graduate. Then they spend less training us monkeys to work for them. I could maybe see myself doing that. Maybe not. That class is called Mixed Signal Testing. I think I'm going to like it. My other professor that teaches Mobile Platforms is just the coolest man alive. He carries his cell phone in his boot. I don't really think I have to say anything else about him. I really enjoy his lectures. They've been informative and incredibly entertaining thus far. My team in that class are all guys who are working for the department, so we don't have any trouble meeting. I worked up a formal resume, and then we all editted it with input from a lot of people, and then we all went to kinko's to print it. Don't ever go to Kinko's I hate those bastards. Anyways, its looks incredible. I have to work on a website for us soon. My final class is some software programming class. I'm not really sure. But we have a brand new prof for it. He's never taught at A&M before. The first day, he walks in and hands out hte syllabus ... and he's this little asian guy. And he says "herro i be yo professa thees semesta" and he's got the thickest accent ever. And he continues on this way through the whole syllabus until he finally says "can you aw undastand me? if you no can undastand then would it help if I talked normally?" Right, so the whole accent was completely fake. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. So I immediately liked him. I think its shaping up to be an incredibly busy, but really good semester. We'll have to see if I share those sentiments a couple months down the road. But hopefully I will. I hope everyone else had a great first week. Share with us any stories you might have.

Well kids, tomorrow school starts. The end of my free time is upon us. You know what that means ... no more daily updation of SideshoViD.com. Of course, when's the last time it was truly daily anyway? I will do my best to keep you all informed on the goings on of our favorite internet celeb. I'll be sure to let you know how teaching my first lab session goes tomorrow. I'm kind of nervous, but I'm sure it'll be no big thang. I'm still kind of iffy on my schedule. I would like to have a concrete schedule for each day but as of now I've just been kind of doing what needs to be done. Hopefully it'll be more structured when school starts.

But you know how I am when school's afoot. If you need to talk to me I live at Thompson. Just come there and ask someone for me. Ha. Its funny and true ... and sad. Okay, I gotta get ready for bed now, cause I wanna be studious for at least the first day. Peace out, you have nots. Leave a comment talking about your first day!

I'm officially a workin' man. I've been going to work from 9-5 the past two days. What a way to make a livin'. Its actually been kind of fun. Its all stuff I'm used to doing except this time I'm getting paid to do it. We'll see how 'fun' my responsibilities are when school starts and I start having my own shit to take care of. You might have noticed the little design change here. I decided its time for a little bit of anonymity. Because I use my website to store files for class, and had two classes each with teams, it ends up that my url is in the history of every computer in Thompson. That makes it likely someone will stumble upon it. Since I don't talk about the most academic topics every day, at least this way it won't be blaringly obvious that its my page.

Speaking of academic, last night I stopped off at Ryan and Todd's to see Todd cause he just got home. They were going to Northgate and I decided to go along. It was also Steve-o's 21st birthday, Happy Birthday, Steve-o!, so I hung out with him too. We started out at the Library but ended up at Mad Hatters. I really didn't drink much cause I knew I had to get up early this morning for work. Steve-o on the other hand ... well, lets just say he did it right. I don't think there was a single person on Northgate who didn't hear him say, 'It'sss mah birtthhh... day..." Anyway, tomorrow I'm going to work again and then its just a matter of time until school starts, at which time I will disappear from the face of the earth. I shall miss you all though. End of Line.

Well I was just so kindly informed by our dear friend, Laura, that I put the wrong band name for the song of the day.

rowdy224 2: motion city not motor city durrrrrrrrrr

It is indeed Motion City Soundtrack. My apologies to Laura and anyone affiliated with the band. I always appreciate a good 'durrrrrrrrrr.'

In other news, I start work tomorrow. Haha. I know, right, I have a job. How fun is that. I'm actually pretty excited about it. I think its going to be a great opporitunity for me to teach, learn and interact with lots of people. I'm not even sure how long he's expecting me to work tomorrow, but I guess I'll just be there until he tells me to leave. Whatev, I don't have shit to do. Speaking of ... I'm gonna go play some Grand Theft Auto. Peace.

Howdy all, how does the day find you. Not a lot has been happening to me. I was really concerned that I was going to be completely bored the whole time that I was in College Station before school started because I have literally nothing to do. Sometimes it seems like the only things I do are eat, sleep, and poop. On the contrary though, I have been having a blast. I wake up when I want. I eat when I want. I poop when I want, and it doesn't really have any adverse effects. What a life, I tell ya.

Last night me and Ryan went to the Dry Bean Saloon and then back to his place. We tried to call people to come party with us but ultimately it was just me and him for the majority of the night. We watched Dave Chapelle's stand up routine. OMG, it was the funniest thing I've ever seen and it was not because I was drunk. I was laughing convulsively throughout the whole thing. It was way better than Chris Rock. Good times, good times.

Next, the new word of the day, dysphemism ... I couldn't fit all I wanted to into that little post-it note. So here's some additional information for you. dysphemism (DIS-fuh-miz-em) noun - The substitution of a harsher, deprecating or offensive term in place of a relatively neutral term; antonym: euphemism

Finally, I would like to give a shout out to Kevin's little sister, Laura over there in San Antone. She told me to download the Song of the Day today. So far she is the third person to have her song posted as the song of the day. If you have a song that you like, and think I would like, and would like to share with the Sidesho-World, don't hesitate to send it to me or tell me to download it and chances are I'll post it. Just make sure its not Staind or Creed or, god forbid, Puddle of Mudd. God those bands suck. Aight, I'm out.

Well I just wanted to take a moment to wish all of you and yours a happy Solstace and a very drunken New Year. I've been in Plano for a couple days now. We went to church this afternoon, and tomorrow we're going to open presents. My parents let me open one tonight and it was Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Whoo hoo. I've been playing it all night. I probably won't be updating much until I get back to College Station on Friday. I've got a whole new layout just screaming to be finished and released. I'll see you all then. Laaaaaaate.

Yesterday, I decided to cook a turkey. It was one of those spur of the moment decisions. I had a turkey in my fridge that was gonna go bad if I didn't cook it in the next couple of days, and since I'm going home to Plano tomorrow, last night was about my last chance to cook it. Not that there's anything to it. I just tossed it in an over bag, threw it in at 350 degrees and came back about 3 hours later to eat it. I knew I wasn't going to be able to eat it alone so I took it over to Sean's house cause he was throwing a Tron party for our 349 team. We were celebrating the semester being over. We ended up eating turkey, stuffing, green beans and peas. And polishing off about 4 bottles of champagne. It was a good time.

In other news, I got my new phone today. Currently it was no phone numbers on it. It had some left on the SIM card from my old phone, but rather than going thru and finding out which ones I needed to add, I just deleted them all. I can enter them into my phone via the internet like 20 at a time as opposed to typing each one in, so I'm not worried about it taking too long. Earlier today I copied them all to an excel file. I thought I was gonna hate this phone but its really not too bad. It could use a new face plate or something, but nothing too urgent. Plus, its hella louder than my old phone that I could never hear on.

Anyway, for my last bit of news, I just thought you all might like to know that some very exciting things are happening at SideshoViD.com. You know me, as soon as I get a little time on my hands, I start getting antsy. I think you're all gonna really like what I'm cooking up now. No tellin' when it'll be up. Either by tomorrow or it'll have to be after Christmas. See you all then!

Hey, thanks to my friends and teammates for the abundance of comments. I'm not used to such a rousing response to a blog, but then, most of my blogs really suck. Today I took a final. I completely waxed it. I have this feeling that I got a 105 on it since there was a bonus, but you all know how modest I am, so I'm just gonna count on a 100. Then we worked on our fucking digital thermometer for like 12 hours. UGH! PS, thank you to EVERYONE who called me from Northgate to ask where I was and inform me that the semester was supposed to be over. Preciate that guys (and girls). We did sneak across for one beer just before last call, so that was the highlight of my fuckin night.

Anyway, I have another question to pose to you, loyal Sidesho-Viewers. Really, its more of an observation that might incite some thought. I think it is impossible to empty a tube of toothpaste. Its something I've always joked about, but this time around I decided to tempt fate and actually forgo buying a new tube of toothpaste despite the fact that mine was clearly 'empty.' Since I determined that my toothpaste was 'gone' 3 weeks have passed. And yes, I have been brushing my teeth twice a day on this tube of toothpaste. I think the relationship of toothpaste to time is asymtotic. I believe that it will never reach zero because there's always that last little bit you can squeeze out of the bottom. I'm not sure how to explain this phenomena ... perhaps a rift in the spacetime continuum?

I thought maybe you could share your thoughts. If you agree, or just mildly agree, or have experienced the same thing in your life. Also, any theories as to why this is so indesputibly true. Thanks for your comments in advance. Laaaaaaaaate.

I don't really have time to be posting, nor will I until the semester is over. Things are very very hectic around here. However, I must take the time to bitch about a heinous new development in my life. T-Mobile (the company formerly known as Voice Stream) is the biggest bunch of fuckups I've ever seen in my life.

I want the new Motorola V70 phone, its totally sweet, look it up on www.motorola.com. Anywho, they are gonna charge me 370 dollars for the thing, when any one of you could buy it for $99. Whats the difference between you and me? Well I've been a customer for nearly two years. So they're punishing me. So fucking stupid, I'm so angry. So anyway, if you were thinking about signing up for T-Mobile, do me (and yourself) a favor and don't. Oh, and tell all your friends not to either. Thanks

Well, I finally figured out why no one was leaving comments. Not that any of you probably noticed, but the "Leave a comment" and "read the comments" links are not working. I screwed something up when I was messing around with Greymatter. I'm sure its a quick fix, but I've not had the time to date necessary to investigate and fix it. So for now, you're all off the hook on leaving comments.

Not a lots been goin on. I've been in lab a lot working on projects. I finally started on the final documentation on one project by making myself a template in word. I didn't actually write anything though. Maybe I'll do some of that tomorrow. I also need to map out and order some PCboards to mount our thermometer on. And I have a test in Ochoa's 349 class on Tuesday. I'm pretty damn prepared for it, but I like to make 100's on his tests, so I'm goign to study balls tomorrow. Then Thanksgiving is just around the corner. I'm going home to Plano, so if anyone else is too, let me know, we'll meet up.

Sorry to cut this short, but my bed is calling to me. In a Spanish accent no less ... thats weird. I'm sleep deprived. Laaaaaate.

Oy veh, I am so sick of school. But now is not really the time to be feeling that way. I've got a big circuit test tomorrow that I am 100% unprepared for. I would really like to set the curve again just to be annoying, but I'm sorry kids, thats not gonna happen this time. Granted, I don't know many people who feel confident in their ability to identify op-amps and work with h-parameters on small signal analysis of bipolar junction transistors ... but still, I'm so far behind its not even funny. I studied for 7 hours last night with a big group of people and then a few hours earlier today. Except I get so disgusted that I just can't go on. So I took a break, got some dinner with Keith at The Max, and now I'm getting ready to head back up to campus to meet a big group of people. Its disgusting how much I study these days.

I made a really cool website for my team in one class. I wish I could show it to you all, but its completely passworded so that random people from our class can't go in there and steal stuff from us. If you're really curious, and have nothing to do with Engineering Technologies, then you can IM me and I'll give you a user name and password to look at it. Otherwise, no way Jose. (Jose just being a general term for all of you Sidesho-Viewers, not an actual person.)

Anyway, on Friday, its my good bud Joseph's big 21st birthday. Because of this, I think I'll refrain from going out on Thursday so I'll be good and thirsty to celebrate with the birthday boy. When that day rolls around, I'll put up a link for you all to IM him.

I fell asleep in my Symphony Class today and the prof yelled at me. But he kept calling me Mr. Quea or something like that ... it totally wasn't my name. He kept going 'GOOD MORNING MR. QUEA' and I was like 'yes, okay, I was asleep I'm sorry move on' and he'd be like 'yes, sir, GOOD MORNING.' Sheeeesh. If you get offended when people sleep in your class don't teach a really boring subject that I don't give a fuck about ... that plays classical music to lull me to sleep. Whatever, I'm not worried about it. I don't go to that class often enough for him to remember who I am.

Anyway, its about that time to go back to campus and hit the books again when all I really wanna do is hit the sheets. Such is life. Laaaaaaaaaate.

I just thought I would take a moment to fill you all in on the goings on as of late. Yesterday was a pretty good day. I had two people tell me they saw me on the JumboTron at the game. One was this kid Ryan that I shoot with in Archery, and the other was my dear Nancy. That made me happy since NONE of the people I hang out with regularly bothered to see me. Oh well, no hard feelings. In Archery I shot pretty well, got the second highest score I've ever gotten. I also scratched the shit out of hand. It doesn't hurt but it doesn't look very attractive either.

Nothing too exciting has been going on. We got the analog portion of our digital thermometer designed, tested, protyped, and built. It works, folks! My professor held an Aim 'n' Flame up to it today to see if it could react to the high temperatures and it performed exactly as we'd hoped. We have some minor tweaks to do, but basically all thats left to do for this portion of the circuit is to lay it out and order a pc board that we can solder it to. Then we have to get started on programming the digital logic side of it so that it actually outputs a number you can read to a couple of 7-segment displays. Wheee. I love circuits.

I hate my life.

Hey guys! Thanks so much for all of your sympathetic comments towards my illness! *makes masturbatorial motion* I'm sure you were all secretly concerned. Anyhowdy, I'm back to feeling well, and I'm sure I'll feel absolutely stellar tomorrow cause my neighbor, Brianne, lent me her humidifier. I'm sure its a bit over the top, but fuck it! Free humidity!

So I must say HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO COLETTE! She is the big two-two this fine morning. If you would like to extend her a big old Sidesho-Birthday Greeting, please aclick here. That would be cool of you, and only takes a moment.

One final note before I scurry to bed. GO SEE JACKASS the movie. OH MY GOD, I have never laughed so hard at so many moments before. Holy shit, its hilarious. If you've seen it, please, please post your reaction on this comment page. That would be stellar. Love you buh bye.

I'd have to say that everything about yesterday sucked. There was nothing good about it. Not one thing. I woke up around 9:00. I don't want to go into too much detail or get too graphic, but lets just say that my body was trying to expel fluids as rapidly as possible. There are 3 ways for your body to do this, and mine was doing all 3 at once. This continued all damn day. For the first 9 hours or so I couldn't so much as take a sip of water without violently dry heaving it back up. At one point I passed out in the bathroom cause I was so hungry and dehydrated and throwing up took a whole lot out of me. I was in bed for a total of 27 hours. I just woke up and I think I'm feeling better. You should see these darkass circles around my eyes, its kind of scary. But really I haven't eaten anything in about 40 hours. I might give that a try soon. Hopefully it will stay down.

Thats why I didn't update in a timely fashion. I was busy with other more important things. But I do have stories from Friday night. I went to a party at Arash's place with Ryan and Brandon. It was like a Halloween party. It was really fun. But thats not the story I'm telling. A few of us were out on the porch and I hear this truck completely revving the engine, so I look and I think to myself, "Damn, that truck is going REALLY fast." I'm not a good judge of this, but I'd say it was doing at least 40mph thru the parking lot. Next thing you know, this truck has jumped a curb and run into a parked car full speed. It not only destroys one car, but nails it into a second car which also gets fucked up. It was so crazy. Doesn't end there though. This truck throws it into reverse and PEELS out of there and they are gone. It was a frickin DWI hit and run. I'm not sure if anyone got the license number, but I hope so. Those guys are bastards. It really broke up the party too, which sucked. Since the cops were obviously going to be there soon and there was all sorts of underage drinking going on, everyone just kinda meandered home. I took Brandon home cause he was going to Austin for an early appointment, and then I went back to the party for a while. Believe it or not, I didn't drink the whole night, so those of you who would blame my stomach flu on a hangover are dead wrong. I wish I had drank though, maybe it would have killed whtaever disease was floating around in my body. Thats the update for tonight. I will talk to you have nots later.

Is it worth it? Lemme work it. I put my thing down flip it and reverse it. OMG I'm so obsessed with this song. I can't get enough of it. If you haven't downloaded it yet, friggin download it now and get into it. In honor of Missy Misdemeanor Elliiott gracing my life with this new JAM ... I recorded myself singing part of her song. If you'd like to hear me, you can click here to download it. Its a .wav file but I made it the lowest resolution I could so the file isn't too big.

I've made a lot of progress on my party belt. I went and bought the speakers and a studded belt at Hot Topic and have been putting the two together ever since. The speakers are now firmly mounted and i'm working on running the wires and concealing the mp3 player. Have I said too much? Now you all should be able to figure out what a party belt it. As soon as its done I'll get a picture of it up here for you sluts.

Man I went on a shopping SPREE yesterday. I don't know what got into me. I needed new jeans and my mom said she would pay for them since Structure was having a sale. So I went and they were "buy one get the second for 20 dollars" which is a really good deal. So I found two pairs I liked, both priced around $45. Then I went to check out and they told me that belts were 10 dollars off. I wanted a structure belt for so long so I decided to get one. Then they inform me that I'm 6 dollars away from spending 100 bucks, if I go over 100 I get 50 bucks in fast cash. So I bought 3 pairs of badass socks. Then I ran away. Then I bought a beanie at PacSun, and that belt and speakers for my party belt. Then I bought a grey hooded sweatshirt and a pleather jacket, cause they were both cheap and I wanted them. It was awful. Oh well. Worse things have happened. Thats what credit is for, right?

Tonight I'm planning on going out and getting all liquored up. I haven't done that in a while what with going home this weekend. So maybe I'll see you all there. Go out to northgate if you have a chance. Peace out.

Oops, I did it again. We just got our tests back today in 349, the class that consumes my life ... and yours truly got the high score once again. I made an 88, which was really good for the amount of time allotted. So now everyone is going to have their score normalized to an 88. Basically you get your grade out of my 88 instead out of 100. So that should help everyone ... I mean, I get a 100 on it, so that helps me too, but I didn't really NEED help. HAAAAAA. It cracks me up. 2 for 2 this semester. Now I have a reputation to uphold.

If you haven't seen it on my away message, you have GOT to play this game. Its this online putt-putt thing that is extremely addictive. Joseph's friend Doug had it on his profile and I'm hooked now. My low score is 13 under par. If you beat me let me know. I'm sure it can be done, but it'll take practice.

Tomorrow I'm going with my friend Brandon to find a Halloween costume. I think I'm going to try to construct a party belt like my brother's roommate Jan used to have. Only with new technology maybe it won't have to be so bulky. A lot of my costume ideas hinge on my ability to construct said party belt. If you don't know what a party belt is, you suck. IM me and find out. That is all. End transmission.

I took my symphony class this morning. It was so stupid. It was like "True or False, Beethoven composed his last 8 concertos entitled the Brandenberg Concertos while living in London." And my reaction was "derrrrrrrrrrrr." Like I really care about that crap. Knowing where Beethoven lived doesn't enhance my understanding or pleasure in the music. But alas, it was a multiple choice test. I haven't taken since like the 3rd grade, so maybe I'll still do alright. And even if I don't, there's so much freaking extra credit in that class that I'm sure I could still make above a 100.

Here's a fun sidesho-tidbit. I get this IM last night from some girl named Faith who says "Hey this is going to sound really stupid." And she procedes to explain to me that she got my screen name off of her friend's buddy list last November and has been visiting my website ever since. She doesn't live in College Station but was in town visiting a friend and they went out to Northgate. She told me that on her visit to CS, she had to rare honor of seeing yours truly out at that sushi bar on Northgate. She was understandably excited about the whole situation. I hated to explain to her that I was in Dallas on Friday night and I don't eat sushi. So then she felt even stupider about the whole situation. Yay, I have a stalker!

Then it set me thinking. What if someone else sees this apparent stunt-double that I have out somewhere. How will they differentiate me from him? More importantly ... how on earth is there someone as good looking as me walking the streets of College Station. Anyway, if any of you stalkers out there that I don't know think you see me somewhere in town, here's what I've decided you should do. Come within ear shot of me or my stunt double and say "Sidesho." Its sad, but I will respond ... and no other sane person will. So there you go. I hope to hear some of you hollarin at me soon, you freaking psychos.

Nothing else is really new. My life is a major bore. I missed out on my usual heavy drinking this weekend so I can just tell that this week is going to drag on forever! Just remember, Jesus loves you ... and so does the Easter Bunny.

Good to be back, folks. I had an uneventful, typical Plano weekend. First I got home and ate a leftover calzone from the fridge while I chilled with the parentals. Then they went to bed, and I watched TV until I fell asleep. The next day I went to see my friend Jenny Cole. She just had knee surgery, and as you all know, I am especially sensitive to that fact, so I hung out with her all day. She was the reason that I went home in the first place, although other reasons (like getting my winter coat) came up too. We went to Wal-Mart to buy her a new CD player and then to the movies. We saw Tuck Everlasting. Keep in mind, dear readers, that Tuck Everlasting was not my first choice. However, you would have to know Jenny Cole in order to realize how impossible it was for us to find a movie the both of us wanted to see. It was a strange flick, but overall I wasn't disappointed that I spent money to see it. I won't be rushing the theater to see it again any time soon though.

After that, we both went out to dinner with my parents. We went to BD's Mongolian BBQ. It was a strange place. You went thru this line and picked out raw meat and vegetables, and then poured oil and sauce on these raw ingredients, and then waited in line for them to cook it. And when they were done they handed it back to you. It was all you could eat for $12.99. All in all it was pretty good once we figured out what the hell was going on. I stuffed myself on way too much food in order to screw the restaurants out of any profit they might have tried to make. After that I took Jenny home and she taught me how to play gin, and I was really good at it. I was glad to go entertain her since she came to see my crippled ass a lot two summers ago when I went under the knife. At least she only had one knee done so she can get around pretty well with crutches. Then today I went to church, gag me, and then to the mall with my parents. We ate at Chili's, bought a VCR, realized there was no Structure for me to buy pants at, and then went home. Then I drove back to College Station and I just walked in the door. Oh how I love my loyal viewers. Hope you all had a good weekend that was as relaxing as mine.

As for me, I have a symphony test tomorrow as well as a lab due, so I must depart and get started on all the shit that I've got left to do. Catch you have nots on the flip side. Peace.

Oh my gawrsh, today was so long, and its not near over. I started out with a test at 9:30. It was rough, dude. It took the whole class period and I think only one person left before he told us to go ahead and turn in what we'd finished. I think I did alright. Not great, but alright. Probably get a B, maybe better if he curves, which he won't. After that, me and Sean decided it was time to go to Fitzwilly's for a burger and a beer. That was nice after that damned test. Then I went to archery. We got to bring in a picture of something to shoot arrows at, to help us concentrate on the bullseye. I brought a picture of a bottle of vodka out of a magazine. Those of you who were there last Thursday or heard about it could probably surmise why I chose that. Then I went to my circuit design class where we talked about this digital thermo-meter we're supposed to be designing. Turns out I have no fucking clue what is going on. I'm so lost and that is so depressing.

Right now I'm going to try and take a nap for like an hour, so I can get up and go to open lab hours. We got our lab working ... all this thing does is read in a character from the keyboard and spit it back out to the monitor. Kind of like what your computer does anyway, but we actually wrote a program that will take care of that function. Kinda neat, kinda unnecessary. Anywho, we have to demo it to the TA and then start on the documentation. Typically a one page program will yield somewhere around 20-30 pages of documentation. Its ridiculous. I'm so tired though, I have GOT to get to sleep if I'm ever going to make it out to Northgate tonight. So I will see you all later. I'm also going home to Plano this weekend, so if you want to hang out with me, it'll have to be either tonight or a week from tonight. Okay? OKAY? Peace out, you have nots.

Guess who's back. Back again. Sidesho's back. Tell a friend. Yes, my friends, I am back in the pink today. Finally. Damn those 24 hour hangovers. Although, I have to admit a rather embarassing fact. This story is graphic, and not intended for my younger viewers. So I woke up at like noon yesterday and decided while I was feeling pretty good to get a little bit of lunch in my stomach and then go back to bed. And I made Hamburger Helper the night before, but I had failed to refrigerate the shit overnight. But I didn't think it would be a problem ... but now I think that was a really bad idea. Cause I laid in bed all day feeling like I needed to throw up, but didn't think that would be a good idea since all the alcohol was already out of my system, and I'd just forced myself to eat a big lunch and it would be a waste if i threw it up. So FINALLY around 6pm, I decided to just throw up, so that I would at least not feel queasy anymore. So I did it, and then cleaned my mouth, and stood up ... and INSTANTLY started feeling better. After that, I felt just fine. So now I'm equating the length and severity of my sickness, not to the alcohol, but to the rotten Hamburger Helper. So the moral of this story is ... refrigerate your leftovers, and if you happen to forget ... just don't eat the shit. A friendly PSA from yours truly.

Today I am going to go eat lunch around 2:00-2:30ish, because I have this thing to go to at 3. My symphony class professor is the conductor of the Brazos Valley Symphony Orchestra. And since we have to write a paper over two live performances this semester, I figured this would be as good an opporitunity as any other. And he's hosting a talk today at 3 to talk to people about what we're going to hear at the concert tomorrow, i.e. everything I need for my paper. I'll still go to the concert, and not just because I paid $30 for tickets so I wouldn't have to go alone. Keith is going to go with me. But also because I geniunely enjoy music and I'm open to listening to music that I normally wouldn't listen to. So hopefully this will be an enriching experience. Plus I can describe music now using obnoxious music terms like basso continuo, and ritonello. Its fun to be pretentious. Then I think I might go to the mall and do some window shopping and say hi to my friend Stev-o who's gonna be working there today. We'll see. It depends on how long this symphony talk lasts, and how tired I feel after leaving the house. Since I haven't done that in a while. Alrighty then, I'll talk you kids later. Have a good one.

Hey everyone, thanks for all the great comments on the new layout. I think its really working out good. There's still some things I need to do. One request that I'm working on is to make the comments link tell you how many comments have been left. That will require some more scanning and as of right now, all of the scanners in the SCC are occupado. Of course, we have a scanner at home, but Keith is "going to hook it up soon" so I'm not allowed to have it. There's something else I want to scan to show all of you. Something incredibly creepy that was brought to my attention last night. If you look at the coupons in the coupon books they hand out on campus, and take a peek at the Fitzwilly's coupon, you might notice something scary. Of course, you would have to also know my friend Jay. Turns out, whoever drew the cowboy guy for the logo was using Jay as their model. It looks exactly like him. I'm gonna scan that in and put it up here soon. Damn, I wish all the scanners weren't taken.

I'm also working on a website for the PRSSA here on campus. They haven't hired me yet, but I'm gonna make them a 'sample' to decide if they want me to redesign their site or not. I'm not sure if they can afford me, but maybe they can. Its the Public Relations Student Society of America. Their current site is at prssa.tamu.edu. You can check it out and see how much it sucks. As soon as I get something working, I'll let you all see how I've revamped. Its quite impressive, methinks.

Anyway, sorry about not updating right away, my internet at home has been down now for like 2 days. Its really starting to upset me, but I really don't know what I can do about it. Hopefully it'll be working when I get home in a little bit. On the sched for this week is studying all night tonight, and then a big test tomorrow, to be followed by lots and lots of drinking. Thats about it. Have a great day, or not. The choice is yours.

Alright kids, here's the dill. I'm gonna unplug now. I might keep the AIM running if it doesn't pose any threat to my plans for each day, but I'm not going to be blogging for about a week. As an apology to all of you loyal Sidesho-Viewers, I promise that during that week of no blogs, that some very exciting things will be happening. So when I come back to the blog, you may not even recognize this place anymore. So arrivederci, my friends. I'll see you soon.

Eat, sleep, build circuits, and blog. Thats all I ever do. I am seriously considering unplugging after this weekend. By unplug I mean, literally unplug my computer and not be online except when its necessary for school for like an entire week. Its getting to be a problem how much I sit at this stupid computer and waste my life. Anyway, thats my random editorial.

Not much excitement. Although I do have one good story. I was getting out of my symphony class and going to eat when I ran into Todd. He insisted that I sit down on this bench and have a cigarette with him. It was right across the street from Sbisa, so I obliged. We hadn't been there 2 minutes when this total hippy on a skateboard eats pavement right in front of us. He fell forward and his flip flops fell off and stuff. It was really entertaining. So me and Todd agreed that was probably the funniest thing we'd seen all day. As if that wasn't enough, probably like 60 seconds later, I turn to see this girl completely flip upside down on her bike. This guy that was walking by and saw the whole thing caught my eye and all 3 of us lost it and just busted out laughing crazy style. He said that she'd tried to jump down the curb and turned her wheel sideways before she landed and then just flipped upside down. It was REALLY funny. So that made my fucking day. I love taking pleasure in the embarassment of other.

So back to my symphony class. We finally got our real professor back. He was off in Rio de Jenero (or however you spell that) conducting an orchestra for the first 3 weeks of class and we had this total loser teaching us. But our prof is back and he's a badass. I really like him. He has this cool hispanic-type accent, and he memorized almost everyone's name on the first day. Needless to say, that class is no enjoyable and I feel like I'm learning something. And if I'm not learning anything, then I'm enjoying being told something I already know. So now I won't be skipping that class anymore like I was for a while there. So thats good news. No worries about failing a gimme now.

Ehhh, thats really all thats goin on. You'd thing someone with a life as boring as mine wouldn't even bother having a blog, but .... you'd be wrong. If you've got a good bike accident story or something along those lines, go ahead and drop a note and let everyone else know. Talk amongst yourselves. Thanks and gig this.

Boy today was a long one, and its about to get longer. I don't have a lot of time to fill you in, but I'll take just a moment to hit the highlights. This mornign I woke up after about 7 hours of sleep. I don't know what the deal is, but if I get 5 hours or 9 hours I feel fine. Seems like anything in between just exhausts me. Anyway, I made it through class rather uneventfully, and then me and Sean decided to skip out on lunch and hit the earlier section of 250 so we could go home early. So with little break, I went right into my next class. After which, I had to truck it to the rec center for my archery class. I didn't want to be late because we got to shoot for the first time today.

I keep telling people I'm going to be a natural at archery. I was semi-correct. I was very consistent in my firing. He said as long as we were hitting the foam, we didn't have to worry about aiming, as long as our arrows landed close to each other. He even said out loud in front of the whole class that my arrows looked great. I was like "Thats me, those are mine" to everyone around me. I actually made some friends in class today, cause I was in a really good mood. If I could have taken my arrows and just moved them down a skotch, they all would have been on target. So I'll spend some time on Thursday perfecting my aim. What I really need to perfect is to keep the string from hitting my arm. Fucking OW! I have these bruises and cuts and shit all over my bow arm right now cause the string kept nailing me. I'm really going to have to practice to get it to stop too. You have to turn your arm just a skotch from what's natural and comfortable in order to avoid it and that'll just take practice to always remember to check that.

After archery I decided to go order my ring. So I hopped on Bonfire, fully knowing that the Clayton Williams building was like just the previous stop from the rec center. But I didn't feel like walking and I had nowhere in particular I needed to be. So I sat on that bus for 20 minutes while it went all the way around the whole route. And when it finally got to my stop I was pushin past people going for the open door. I was like "Excuse me please excuse me sorry" but these bitches wouldn't move. So I get to the door when it closes and the bus takes off. And where did it take me? Yooouuuu guessed it! Right back to the rec center where I'd stood lo those 30 minutes prior. So I was like "Fuck this I'll walk" and I walked to the Former Students building. My ring is officially on they way WHOOP! I'll get it on November 7th. I'm not sure when I'm dunking it. It could very well not be until like April so I can dunk it with some friends. That'll take some of the pressure off. Anyway, enough about me, how are you doing?

I love weekends. This one was a great one. Friday I all went to class and stuff, which is really studious for me. That night my friend Serge was having a party over at his place. I showed up around 11 and ended up being the first person there. People eventually showed up though and it ended up being a great time. I ended up catching a ride home with a friend and leaving my car there. Always the responsible one. The next day my parents showed up around noon. Luckily I just happened to wake up early and shower and drink some water (and get my car). My parents brought me a new kitchen table for my place, its totally sweet. Then we sat and chatted for a while. We went out for lunch at Texas Roadhouse, and then they took me grocery shopping. When we got back from Krogers they left for Houston to visit my brother, Stephen. It was a nice little visit.

Last night I went over to Ryan and Todd's place. David was in town yet again with their friend Sam. Frank and Stoner showed up and we started off the night with a little bit of 6-cup. Once the majority of us were sufficiently toasted, we busted out the drunken Pictionary. That is such a fun game. Me and Frank completely dominate when we're partners. We won the first game by more than half the board. Its pretty ridiculous, to be honest. I ended up not drinking for the rest of the night and driving myself home around 3am. Good times. Today I didn't do shit, but I'm about to go look at some homework and get it done. But right now I'm watching Pleasantville and really enjoying it. So I'll talk to you all later.

Well folks, I tried. I was actually going to finally change the Poll for you and give you a new topic to discuss amongst yourselves. It was a good one too. However, changing my email address has irrepairably confused Sparklit, the people that provide my polls. So its saying that I don't have the access to change or make a new poll. However, I can't make a new account cause I have one registered under my old email address with an account change to my new email. So it says I'm already a member. This may actually prompt me to do what I've been threatening to do all along and make my own poll in CGI that runs off my own site. They're cooler anyway. But alas, that will take time to figure out and time is not a commodity I have a surplus of at this juncture.

I have been working really hard at class. My group in 349 has decided that we're not just gonna rest on our laurels. If we understand something, we're going to move on. And if we don't understand something, we're gonna figure it out and then move on. We want to be done with all the labs by Thanksgiving. Currently we are about a week and a half ahead of schedule, but the labs are going to continue to get harder with less and less instruction for us as we try to decipher the problem statement. Consequently, I've been in open lab every night this week and will continue to do so up until Friday. Every night from 6-9. Not too bad, but it does kind of keep me from every having a chance to lounge like I like to. It's not the hardest life one could lead, but you all know how I feel about having time to do nothing.

Well, technically today is September 11, 2002, so I feel like I should make a comment about the day. Its not every day that we have a reason to look back on the past year with gratitude and solemn remembrance of a time like that day. I just want everyone that I know to know that I'm glad you're here and you're all very important to me. If I don't express it enough, its because we live in a country where we can take things like that for granted. And that, I believe, is a great gift to us all. Anyway, before this gets too sappy, I'm gonna hit the sack for my early circuit design lab tomorrow that I DO NOT want to go to. Alas ... I'll czech you skillets on the flip side. Laaaaaaaaaate.

I don't give a shit. You can call it "towing" all you want. It doesn't change the fact that I just got my car stolen. It doesn't belong to these fucks but they go ahead and load it up on the back of their truck and steal it. And then to add gravy, they hold it ransom and tell me I can't have it back until I give them $86.25, and if I leave it there until tomorrow, oh! its gonna be $104.50!

So here's the story. I have to warn you though, its a really short story since I was only parked in non-visitor for 45 MINUTES. My friend Arash called me to come watch a movie over at Justin's house. I had just gotten back from swimming at the rec so I was like "aight." So I go over to the University Commons and Arash tells me to just go ahead and park right next to him, which I do. We didn't even end up watching a movie cause it was kinda late so we watched TV for a little while, ate some ice cream, and then me and Arash excused ourselves. We get out to the parking lot and he's like, "I thought you parked next to me," and I'm like, "You gotta be fucking kidding me."

So we call the number and the guy has my car, and we have to drive like halfway to fucking Huntsville to find this Body Shop place. And then the guy tells me that its gonna be $86.25 in cash in exact change in order to get my car back. There's no ATMs within a radius of this place out in the middle of nowhere so we drive back to Harvey & Hwy 6. I get 80 bucks out of the ATM and Arash loans me $6.25 and we drive all the way back to the Body Shop. I suppose the guy was nice enough about it, and I thought I was rather level headed about the whole proposition considering I'd just gotten my car stolen. I paid him, he gave me my car, and I drove home. Its now 1:30am. The only plus is that my first class tomorrow isn't until 12:40 so the extra hour and a half tacked onto my night won't be that big of a deal. That is such freaking bullshit.

Apparently they're always lenient about visitor parking at University Commons. I mean, hell, Arash was parked right next to me and he didn't get towed. But the guy said a lot of residents on this particular night had been complaining about not being able to park. So he went out and started pullin' cars. It was especially neat how the first 10 spots on the row were visitor, then there were like 6 non-visitor, and then the rest of them were, again, visitor. So its like they're trying to bait people into getting their cars stolen. The whole thing is just a load of horse shit.

Naturally, I have to thank Arash for both the $6.25 and for the ride out to BFE. He was complaining about not being mentioned on my webpage, but I assured him, this would cement him a place in Sideshovid.com history. Needless to say, IF I ever go back to University Commons, I'll be extra careful about where I park. Now all I have to do is call my Dad and tell him about this, which will be fun since he's just informed me that I now owe him hundreds of dollars I don't have. Ugh. Money sucks. Please send your donations c/o SideshoViD. Thanks and GIG THIS!

Ahh the weekend. Its finally here. And its the first one of the new semester. We'd better do all we can to make sure this is a special one. I'm really not sure what's goin on yet. I doubt we'll be having any parties here because of the whole police thing last weekend. That sucks. You all know how I feel about paying for beer. Some of you more than others ... cha-ching!

My friend Sean is throwing a big party tonight, but I'm not sure if I'm gonna go since its gonna be a big Frat Party. And you all know how I feel about frat boys. I would say I'd drop by and just have a beer and chill, but it'd probably end up with them attempting to coerce me into a keg stand, and putting an unconscious SB on my lap. I've never been to a frat party, but I'm pretty sure thats how it goes.

Okay, sadly thats all I have to talk about. Once something happens tonight, I will surely have some stories. Until then, my friends ... take it easy, and if it's easy, take it twice.

What's been up? Mostly just clase and stuff. I've found that my Symphony clase is really hard to stay awake through. I go in there tired and then they turn on classical music. Thats a deadly combination. I've zonked out in there both times now. And I've been getting like 9 hours of sleep a night. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

Tonight I had to go to an IEEE-Tech meeting. Its this club thats really all about my major and I should really be a member but I don't feel like paying 50 bucks to have a magazine delivered to me once a month. I suppose its resume fodder, which I'm sure I need so I'll see about joining it at a later date. I'm in no hurry whatsoeva. I really don't have much exciting to talk about. I think I may spend some time updating the cast page now. I've started getting some political heat from the people who should be on there and aren't yet. Again, if you are on there and want to have a picture next to you, be sure to email me a pic: SideshoViD@sideshovid.com

Oh yeah, and Burns wanted me to tell you all that he has loads of porn and mp3's available for download at his site http://www.burns.tk. Laaaaaate.

It begins. Class has officially begun here at Texas A&M University. In case some of you out there do not go to a communist school, you wouldn't assume that we started on Labor Day ... but we did. I started off the day trying to get my schedule together. I first went and talked to my prof about my summer project. I told him about my progress, which was substantial, and he decided that it would best serve me if I was in 349, the next level class. Which was really, really, really good news. I may actually graduate now. Of course, I have to prepare a 30 minute presentation/demonstration of my summer project within the next 4 weeks to prove that I've actually done what I say I've done. And I plan on starting on that ... tomorrow. D'oh!

Anyway, once I got that squared away, I dropped my 395 class that Diffeq subbed for, and had 4 hours I had to fill. I eventually did this with 3 hours of Symphony appreciation or something like that, and 1 hour of beginning archery, which I'm really excited about. My symphony class looks like its gonna be a breeze, but difficult to stay away through. I already know the names of all the instruments and what families they're in etc. So thats a cinch. My archery prof said we don't get to shoot an arrow until like the 4th week. Which sucks. I wanna get started.

My other classes are going to be challenging like always, because they're my upperlevel cirriculum stuff. I dunno, I'm really thinking about doing good this semester. Each semester I get a little bit better about my study habits so I should be just about par with most incoming freshmen by now. We'll see how it goes. I'm so tired and I need to go to Best Buy so I can stop using Keith's computer. So I'll talk to you cats later.

The idea for today's blog is competely, 100% stolen. I was link hopping and ended up on some random stranger's blog and he had posted his top search referrals. Anytime that someone types something into a search engine (like Google) and my page comes up as one of the results of that search, and they then go to my site ... I get a record of what it was they were searching for. Some of them might be entertaining, so I thought I'd share. And here we go...

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and my favorite one of all ...

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WTF? Oh well, as long as it brought more hits to my site, I couldn't care less. Laaaaaaaaaaaaate.