|
I like to consider myself a bit of an expert in the subject of Redneks. After living in College Station, TX for 5 years, I moved into a field of work that has typically been dominated by the kind of person that would find Blue Collar Comedy amusing. Because I have been immersed in this culture, secretly observing, I thought I would enlighten those of us with high school diplomas to what I have concluded is one of the paramount tenants of Rednek life.
Nothing makes a Rednek prouder than never having done something.
That's it. That's all you need to know to blend into a crowd of NASCAR fans. That and a flannel shirt with the sleeves cut off. Consider this example. A normal person might say something like, "I spent one summer in Europe just traveling before I had to come home and find a job." Or if you haven't been that fortunate, you might say, "I've always wanted to visit Spain." A Rednek would attain that level of adoration by saying, "I ain't never left Texas." Or if he wanted to trump a friend that had just stated that, he could say, "I ain't never left Irving." The Rednek mothers nod encouragingly and the Rednek wives swoon and bleach their hair.
But even more than ain't never havin' traveled anywhere or experienced any culture other than their own, nothing is in the blood of a Rednek more than Copenhagen Long Cut and ain't never having tried a food item. I'm serious. This is the big one. Redneks LOVE not trying something new at the dinner table. A deer you killed yourself and a potato your wife mashed is what should be on the table every night. Nothing green, nothing orange, nothing red, no vegetables other than potatoes. I've argued long and hard at work that my coworkers should try sushi. Not only is it delicious, but it's so mountain man to eat a fish raw. But they won't do it. My theory is that it's because it's called sushi. If you called it Texas Style Fish Nuggets. They would at least try it. Same with Vietnamese pho. Delicious. Call it Texas Style Beef Water and the Redneks of the world would know this too.
The whole thing that brought this up was a coworker saying he ain't never had pumpkin pie. I thought that was as unAmerican as not supporting the war. But he claimed that it's not normal to make a pie out of a gourd and that pecan pie is the only acceptable kind. Even though making a pie out of a nut is way more bizarre. So I'm looking for pumpkin pie recipes online to make one to take to work to show him that something he ain't never tried might actually be a favorite food if he would just try it. But he'll probably take one bite to shut me up, make a face, and claims he hates it before he spits it into a napkin. Such is the Rednek way.
Anyway, I hope this clued you in a little bit into the backwards lives of our 10 gallon friends and neighbors. If you have any questions about how or why Redneks do something, leave me a comment and I'm sure I can answer them all for you. Class dismissed.
| 