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There's a new fashion craze sweeping the nation. Now channel the spirits of Slater, Lisa and Jessie and imagine me saying this in the correct whispered repetitious Buddy Bands manner:
MegaBlinds. MegaBlinds. MegaBlinds.
It has always bothered me that there isn't an opaque eyewear available on the market. Every time that I lay out, regardless of how dark or how big my sunglasses are, as soon as I lay on my back, the sun is blinding me right through my eyelids. So I end up with my hands in front of my face all day. Well not anymore. Miniblinds are for fat old housewives. MegaBlinds are only for the most outrageous socialites and celebutants. They're perfectly timeless yet totally today.
Using a closely guarded family recipe which combines fashion and function, MegaBlinds will block the sun, or anything else you want to avoid, while making you look like a million bucks. The secret comes from the exclusive MegaBlinds rhinestone quarry. Each jewel is certfied flawless and hand crafted to guarantee the maximum amount of sparkle.
And they're not just for the pool anymore. Going to the same club as your ex tonight and want to make sure you don't even acknowledge their existence? Slap on a pair of MegaBlinds and drink well, knowing your head won't turn when they walk by. Hungover and can't get back to sleep because the sun is pouring into your bedroom? Turn that hangover upsidedown with MegaBlinds.
I really think this could catch on. If you could all do me a favor and spread the word. Seeing is believing, and you'll never see again. MegaBlinds retail for a low, low introductory rate of $350, so if you would like a pair, be sure to get your order in early. Each pair of MegaBlinds is hand crafted and completely customized, and the orders are already pouring in. When things are expensive, it makes people want them. Thanks in advance for telling all your friends!
Warning: Mega-Blinds not intended for use while driving. Or walking.
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