|
I always try to turn people I see on campus into internet celebrities. Usually I save them in my back pocket for slow days when I have very little to talk about. However, they've accumulated over time, so I need to introduce you all to four of my favorite new people...
The Bus Talker: This delightful fellow sports acne scarred skin, buzzed hair, and a lazy eye. He wears slacks that are 4 inches too short, and always sports some sort of free T-shirt. A real ladies' man. And as the name suggests, he never, ever shuts the fuck up on the bus. The worst part is, he tells the same story ... every day. I've now heard this story like 5 times. And he always sits next to the hottest girl on the bus and strikes up this conversation with her. He saved up for two years to earn $3,000 to go to Italy. While he was there he stayed at all 4 and 5 star hotels and ate in only the fanciest restaurants. He especially liked the shopping because he's a-really into-a the-a Versace. Oh yeah, he does it all with a fake accent deserving of a performance on Loony Tunes.
Medieval Friar: When I first saw this guy, I thought perhaps we should try to hook him up with cape girl, but upon second viewing and further inspection, I realized what he has on isn't at all a cape. It is indeed something you might expect to see an extra in the B version of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves wearing. He was also wearing a bandana on his head which just completed the look. I kind of wanted to engage him in a bow fight in the middle of a river. "There was a rich man from Nottingham..."
Bluehawk: I just saw this guy today for the first time and fell instantly in love. He's not really someone I want to make fun of, I more want to shake his hand. He has the best mohawk I have ever seen, and it is tall, and real, and blue. I thought he might be easy for you people with camera phones to spot.
Nerf Herder: This guy is better suited to be an extra on the digitally remastered Star Wars than a student at A&M. I wouldn't make fun of him if he hadn't made my morning a living hell. He is short, mentally and physically handicapped, only uses one arm, has the mange, and always hobbles around with a suitcase on wheels. This morning when the bus was completely packed shoulder to shoulder, he decided to stand facing me instead of the front of the bus. And he decided to stare at my face the entire time. Oh yeah, he also decided to not brush his teeth this morning and breathe on me the whole way. Luke, use the force, run to Degoba.
As with our previous characters Cape Girl and Padawan Boy ... neither of whom have been capture on film yet, I will pay cold hard cash to anyone who sends me any pictures of any of these people. This is not a bluff, I will totally pay you for pictures. Get out there and snap photos! Easy money! AAAHHH!
| 