Last night I got a call from my old friend Karen who has now moved to Dallas and lives just blocks away from me. I decided to take her to mine and Ryan Cloutier's special little place -- The New Amsterdam Coffeehaus. They have all kinds of fun beers. Unfortunately for me, they are all 8 or 9 percent alcohol so I wasn't quite in control of my consumption. When it was time to leave, we were talking to two guys that had a table next to ours. One of them had a cool jacket and he let me try it on.

As we were leaving, I had to pause briefly to throw up on the street, and consequently my shoes. How unbecoming. Then, the confusion begins. For some reason after this display of public intoxication, the four of us decided to go back to my apartment all the way in Addison. What's additionally confusing is that the guy whose jacket I wore drove me and followed Karen and his friend. Why wouldn't we have ridden with the people we knew? Who thinks to themselves, "This guy just douched out a planter, I think I'd like him in my truck!"

Alas, he paid for his affability. As we were cruising up Central Expressway, I had to roll down the window and puke out the side of a strangers truck going 70mph in the rain. When I was finished, I put a 10 dollar bill in the console of his car. He rather angrily said, "Don't insult me," and threw it back at me. "I'm not trying to buy your forgiveness," I replied, "I'm trying to buy you the super ultra deluxe car wash." He laughed and accepted my meager compensation.

When we got home, I emulated Lil Jarrod last weekend. Lil Jarrod just turned 21 and I had the esteemed honor of driving him to dinner and then to the bars where we met up with some friends. I also had the esteemed honor of bringing him home, which involved carrying him to my apartment, and holding his hair while he regurgitated the evening. So there I was, layin on the wonderfully cold tile next to the toilet. Who knows how long I was there. I woke up this morning in bed fully clothed, but not fully aware.

I wonder how long they all hung out in my apartment. I could call Karen but I'm a tad embarassed. Tonight I'm mosdef just takin it easy and cleaning. Although cleaning, combined with the flier attached to my door, have convinced me that it is time to hire a maid. It's unacceptable to clean every 3 months. Maria could do it once a week. I'll probably look into that when I get back from Europe. I'll be in Sweden in exactly a week, but I'll have internet access so it'll be like I'm not even gone.

One last random observation. I was driving through a school zone and I looked at the crosswalk sign. Isn't it odd that the man and woman are both carrying attaché cases? Who does that? And why hasn't some rednek complained that the man has a purse yet. Think about it. Peace.

So, I got your text message this morning and just wanted to tell you that everything is fine. The guy from Iraq was just a little too drunk and hit on me just a little too much. No worries……a night out with David is always an experience. Same time next week?

I always thought the bigger redneck question was. : Why are women going to school?