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This weekend I went down to Houston for my niece's 1st birthday party. It was pretty fun. She is entirely too cute. Entirely. She really liked the helium filled balloons. In fact, when she saw one, she was ecstatic. When her uncle brought out a bunch of about 40 balloons we literally thought she might explode. I've never heard such primal elation as I did from the squeal that erupted from her lips. Priceless.
The party raged on long after Kaylyn had gone to bed. There was much liquor and beer, but I really hadn't had but one drink by the time I got a text message from a friend asking if I wanted to sneak away. I really did. It wouldn't have been a problem so he said he would call me as soon as he left a party and then we could get together. Around 12:30am I realized he wasn't going to call and I had, once again, been ditched.
I've been thinking about this for a while. This is hardly the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. This is the straw that kicked the camel while he was already dead because you couldn't teach him a new trick to drink water squeezed from a turnip. If you want to know the truth, I get ditched, dodged, or stood up about 2 or 3 times a week. Anytime I make plans with someone, my faith that they will actually call or come wanes every single time my pessimism is proven correct. First, I thought maybe it was because I was relying too heavily on others to remember. But after a significant number of unanswered phone calls, unheard voicemails, unread text messages and ignored IMs, I decided that wasn't the problem.
But, it is indeed my fault. I've 180ed so drastically from the angry little shit I used to be that I've actually overcompensated into an equally undesirable extreme. Nothing bothers me. Nothing. It doesn't matter what you do to me, I will be over it forgiven and forgotten before you can say "taken advantage of." I thought what I was doing was being a really nice guy, always understanding, never quick to anger. Instead what I've realized I did was effectively lower the standard of friends that I have. You know that if you leave me hanging, the next time you see me, I probably won't even mention it. In this persistent pattern I have become responsible for the unreliability of those around me.
And I apologize. I promise it won't happen anymore.
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