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Have you ever been cow tipping? Have you? No? Know somebody who has? I'll bet you do. That's because cow tipping is a myth, an urban legend ... or would that be rural legend? Anyway, let me tell you why I'm even bothering to tell you this.
Today at work, I used the phrase, "That's about as productive as snipe hunting." (For those of you never molested in the boy scouts, snipe hunting is a wild goose chase at night in the woods looking for some bird-like creature that doesn't exist.) After I said that, Trey agreed, "Heh, yeah, or cow tipping." *Cue record scratch followed by tires screeching* Whaaaa? What the hell did he mean by that? Cow tipping happens all the time in the country. I know someone who knows someone who's gone. When I didn't immediately believe him, we had to google it. Check this out.
First off, cows have very acute senses of both smell and hearing. They are skittish animals that sleep lightly, and always with their noses into the wind. Cows don't all sleep at the same time. Some cows are always awake keeping an eye on the closely grouped herd. Sneaking up on a cow, even if it were sleeping, is all but impossible. But let's assume you somehow managed to shimmy up next to a dozing cow. Cows weigh up to 2,000 lbs when fully grown. Do you honestly believe you could push one over? Improbable. That is if you even manage to try before it runs away or you're gored by a jealous bull. Lastly, and perhaps the most convincing fact -- cows sleep laying down. Think about it.
I'm not going to call you all fucktards though, because I certainly thought cow tipping was real. In all honesty, I never thought about it much. You always hear about it and see it in Tommy Boy, but the fact is, it doesn't happen, and hasn't ever happened. One guy at work claimed to have pushed a cow over before until I presented him with the evidence and he eventually admitted perhaps he was too drunk to remember all of the details. Schyeah, perhaps. I asked a few of my friends if they knew that cow tipping wasn't real and none of them did, so I wanted to share it with you so you won't sound stupid at the next hoe-down or rodeo. And I made this picture to help you remember:
Apparently these cows know how to use semi-colons ... and puns. I helped you out!
In other news, my brother's wife is in the hospital in labor. I will have a nephew by tomorrow. Yippee!
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