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Holy shit, where do I begin? I guess we should start with the costumes. I forgot to charge my camera so I wasn't able to get pictures, but Allison took a couple. Only they were with a real film camera, so its going to take time to develop them and scan them etcetera. Anyway, to dispell the anticipation, I was Santa Pimp and Allison was Slutty Mrs. Claus. They were good costumes, too. Owen went with us to the party. He was dressed as the Incredible Hulk, e.g. painted green and wearing a ripped up T-shirt. Classic.
It was a killer party, too. Everyone was pretty into our costumes. And the fact that Santa showed up with a gift sack full of condoms didn't hurt either. I hope everyone who got to reach into Santa's sack had fun playing with their new toys. So the drinking ensued, and I got more and more obnoxious with the fact that I was Santa as the night went on. Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it like a Polaroid picture.
Also at this party was none other than Spongebob Squarepants. This was a pretty big dude wearing a foam shirt with corners on it shaped like Spongebob. And he was pretty drunk. We talked to him for a little bit and he asked me what year I was about 5 times, and I think he asked Allison about 12 times. He was class of '05. He told us so many times that I still remember today. Weeeellllll, as things would have it, I pissed him off. I don't remember what I said, or when I said it, or if I really actually even said anything. But the next thing I knew I overheard, "Santa better watch his fuckin ass before I kill him." I'm not a hater, so I went to diffuse the situation. I was like, "Hey Spongebob, everything's cool man. If I said something I'm sorry, I'm not talkin shit, I'm not saying anything." And he was assuaged momentarily, until I start hearing, "Santa better get inside and get away from me."
Time out. Just for a second. I want to make sure nobody is missing out on this point. He was dressed up as Spongebob Squarepants. Mmmkay, looked like an idiot. And he is threatening to kick Santa's ass. My life rules. So all these people on the porch attempted to mediate one more time, I told Spongebob that I was sorry, they all told him that Santa was cool and wasn't talking shit, but in the end they decided that maybe Santa should go inside. Next thing I know, Kevin, the guy whose party it was, is asking me to please hide in the kitchen while they escort Spongebob out of the party. BAM! Somebody is pounding on the outside of the house. You guessed it. Spongebob was out of control.
We had been talking to these two twins for a while in the party, and they joined me in the kitchen as I hid like a little bitch. So I did what anyone with a brain would do. If this guy was going to kill Santa, then I'll stop being Santa. So I took one of the twins and innocently said, "Hey dude, put this on." On went the beard, the wig, the hat, and even the shirt. I don't think he was really cognizant of the severity of the situation because as a group of people were ushering a belligerant Spongebob out the front door, here comes the psuedo-Santa around the corner screaming epithets. And Spongebob fucking lunges at him. And he was just egging him on like, "I'm not scared of you bitch." Classic. This girl yelled at him to "shut the fuck up" so he cooled it. Once Sponge was gone, we all had a good laugh about the entire thing.
I'm not sure what time we went to bed, but I know that we woke up at 1pm. Or should I say noon. Rawk! I should probably go to work today, but more immediate concerns involve Excederin, tacos and a nap. Peace out sluts. Merry Christmas, and remember to wrap your meat. Santa hates VDs. Ho ho ho.
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