I have a new theory.

All women will one day start a jewelry business. All women.

This occurred to Daniel and me while we were getting ready to watch the latest installment of the Really Desperate Housewives of Orange County. The info described Lynne – who is that? – starting her own jewelry business. This is after Laurie fucked around until she found a man with enough money to fund her jewelry business. And one of the housewives in Atlanta used the money from her husband’s NFL career to start her jewelry business. Not unlike the woman who was at On the Border (or OTB as the cool kids call it) the other night we were eating there when BJs was backed up, hocking her shitty jewelry she had undoubtedly “designed” as part of her startup company.

This is the thing that bothers me. You don’t design jewelry. Stringing beads in different patterns on fishing line is not designing. Massive pieces of turquoise surrounded by coiled wire … how beautiful. And let me guess: it’s all custom-made.

It’s all shit. Sorry, ladies.

Now that some of you know your predisposition towards starting jewelry companies, maybe you can hope to avoid the inevitable. But it’s highly unlikely. Speaking of highly unlikely, I’ve decided what the Febrehabruarv challenge will be. Sometimes I supplement the test of my less-than-iron will with caffeine depravation, or protein depravation … or like the failed Master Cleanse of Febrehabruariv … with food depravation. But this time, it’s a dare. A double dare. A physical challenge!

I will run 100 miles in 28 days.

So let me clarify. We all know my arthritic ass (or knees, as it were) cannot run 1 mile let alone 100. So it is going to be on an elliptical machine. And it averages out to about 4 miles a day, which I’ve timed as taking about an hour. If I go every day and run for an hour on the elliptical machine, I will eventually earn myself a few days off. And therein, I think, lies the key to success. I really think I can do this. And now that it’s on SideshoViD.com it is official. Rawk!